Thanks for you message of support to others. It is good to hear that you are now safe and well yourself
I've been with my boyfriend nine months and it was perfect till the first month when I found out he cheated on me he's cheated on me twice and asked to meet other girls through the last 8 months, basically I'm not happy but I feel as If I need him and don't wanna see him with anyone else. He's dragged me across a road before now, kicked me slapped me, name called brought my horrible past in to arguments. Saying I'm dirty and horrible and a slag, but we've spent too much time together than all we do is argue I must admit I spark arguments up from time to time, but th way he's been in th last 4 days is not right, he's been punching me and kicking me. But then apologising when I start crying if he realises he's hit me too hard but if he thinks it weren't hard he will call me a spaz and make fun off me crying, he's tried killing himself for me trying to leave him I don't know what to do?
Thank you for your message.
I am very concerned about you as what you are describing is serious physical abuse, especially as you say things have got worse over the last few days?
Does anyone else know what has been going on? I think it is very important that you tell family or friends so you are not dealing with this on your own.
What he is doing is totally unacceptable and this is not your fault. I understand that the cheating on you is awful and must feel horrible, but he is also being very abusive and I want you to get some help. If you want to leave the relationship, please do so safely by telling others what you plan to do as sometimes abuse can increase after separation.
If you are at all scared please ring the police straight away on 999. They have trained officers who specialise in domestic violence and will be able to help you.
This is the number for the national domestic violence help line. They will be able to give you some support, explain your options and tell you about any local services. They are open 24 hours a day every day.
0808 2000 247
We also have a live chat service here mon-fri from 5-7pm if you want to talk more,
Please get some help with this Yaz, you are not alone, you deserve to be with someone who will treat you with love and respect,
Hey I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now I am 18 about a year ago I feel pregnant with his baby and every sice then he has started to get nasty very slowly started off with him not getting out of bed till 1 in the afternoon when id try to wake him up id get told to f off , evry time I arsked him to get a job he would say tomorrow then we moved into our own flat he moved all of his stuff in (xbox , gameing chair extera) nothing in the flat was mine , then the baby was born we come home for the first time and he went to bed said he was tierd so I was up all night with the newborn , when id call him for help or even shout hed pretend he couldnt hear me . When I visit my mum he acuses me of being with other boys how can I be with other boys when I have a ba by :( he told me that the baby wernt his that it was his dads thats wrong? He would get angry and grab my arms hard somtimes shake me . Everythink he does wrong he blames on me , he says im a bad mum , makes me feel like I need him when I dont (or do i?) I try to get away from it but I allways end up back as I feel like I need him. I no im a good mum all my money goes on my baby I have had 2 jobs since my baby was born about a hour after we argue he will tell me he loves me and that hes sorry I come runing back (he dont mean it coz he does it again) he tells me he will change picks me back up makes me happy and then he just pushes me back down . I dont go anywhere as I get acused of doing stuff . He tell me to have sex with him then after I do he will argue with me! Why does he do this What do I do! Is this abuse
Thank you for your message. It sounds like you have a lot of stress in your life at the moment and I am pleased you have been able to contact this site and share what is happening to you. You don’t have to cope with this alone.
Your partner is being abusive to you. From what you write he is being both emotionally and physically abusive.
He is not giving you the support a new mother needs, he is claiming that you are being unfaithful and the child is not his and he is monitoring your access to people in your life. He is also assaulting you by grabbing your arms and shaking you and coercing you into sex.. A lot of these behaviours are illegal. You are in a domestically abusive relationship with a person who has shown repeatedly that they’re not going to change.
Domestic abuse often gets worse when a woman gets pregnant. It sounds like this is what has happened with your partner. Can you discuss this with anyone in your life, friends or family or someone else you trust? If you can, try to share what is happening. The more people you have to support you the easier it will be for you to know what to do next.
You can also call refuge to talk about what is happening if you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone you know. You can reach them on 0808 2000 247 - they are open 24 hours a day and will be able to give you some advice.
It is important that you keep yourself and your child safe. We have a live chat open from 5-7 weekdays, you can get in touch if you want to talk more about this.
I'm 14 and my boyfriend is 17 we have had sex before but I don't enjoy it I know it's not normal and I'd rather watch cartoons and eat chocolate with him but he nags and nags at me and if were alone in my room he'll lie on top of me so I can't move and when I become out of breath he starts but I don't put up a fight I'm to tired so I let him get in with It...
Thank you for your message. It is a really big step to discuss what has been happening to you and I am pleased you have been strong enough to ask for support.
If you are having sex when you do not want to that is very serious. If you are not saying ‘yes’ to sex and you are doing it because you are feeling coerced or pressured then this is rape. You are below the age of consent and your boyfriend is older then you so he is already committing a crime, even discounting the fact that he is physically forcing you into sex.
It can be hard to stand up to someone when they are pressuring you, mentally and physically, to let them have sex with you. From what it sounds like from your message you do not want to have sex and your boyfriend is having sex with you against your will.
Can you discuss this with anyone in your life, friends or family or someone else you trust? If you can, try to share what is happening. I understand that is a hard subject to talk about, so I would encourage you to call Rape Crisis who are open 12-2.30 & 7 –9.30 every day of the year. You can reach them on 0808 802 9999. You can speak to them in total confidence and they will be able to support you and help you decide what to do next.
What is happening to you is not your fault and what your boyfriend is doing is a crime. You are not to blame for the situation you are in and you deserve some support to help you through this.
We also have a live chat available 5-7 weeknights.
Im 15 and have been with my older boyfriend for 3 weeks now. I practically always meet him. Im either with him or at school. I never have time for any of my mates. Being in my last year of econdary school i have lots of homework and coursework to do. If something cones up at home amd i cant meet my boyfriend i will let him know a.s.a.p. When i do tell him he gets angry ay me and starts sending me texts implying that he is really bored and that hes been “f***ing ditched“. Now im kind of scared to say i cant meet him :(. Whenever im not with him he wants to know where i am, who im with. He has asked me a few times when we are going to have sexual intercourse.... being only 15 im not really ready yet. I told him whenever the time is right. He sends me sexual texts that make me feel abit uncomfortable. Any advice?
Thanks for taking the time to contact us. It seems like a really difficult situation for you. It must make you feel quite upset.
Your partner seems very controlling, and this is not acceptable. He shouldn't be making threats to end the relationship with you if you don't do certain things or if you can't see him. That is not a healthy relationship.
It seems like you have made a really smart decision not to have sex with him until you are ready. As you are under 16 he would be breaking the law if he were to have sex with you and it would be considered rape. Nobody should pressure you in to having sex, and that can be quite scary. Lots of girls in your situation have sex with somebody when they do not feel ready and regret it for the rest of their lives. This is a first time experience, something that you will remember forever, so I'm glad you are waiting until you feel comfortable.
A relationship should be supportive, he should not be pressuring you, saying things that upset you all the time, and he certainly shouldn't be telling you what you can and can't do. If he is making you feel unhappy then it might be worth considering what is best for you at the moment, and whether you wish to stay in this relationship.
If you are worried about how he will act if you break up with him it might be helpful to talk to an adult you trust about the situation, and if he acts out then you have somebody to go to. If you feel that he is putting you in danger at any point then you can call 999.
If you would like to talk a little bit more about what is happening then you can contact Childline on 0808 1111.
This is Abuse team - 19/12/2013
I'm 13, a couple of months ago I went camping with my boyfriend who was 16, we had never been intimate before that time, we had done stuff but we never went all the way, anyway we were cuddling and he asked me if I would have sex with him, I said no as I wasn't ready and he replied "if you loved me you would" I loved him so much so I said yes a couple of days later my friend found out, we had an argument and she called me a slut because of this, I just wanted to ask, does this make me a slut?
Thank you for getting in contact, it must have been really difficult for you. You are really brave to come forward with this.
Being underage, it was illegal for your partner to have sex with you in first instance. And this is his responsibility, he has broken the law. The issue then becomes rape. Being under sixteen you cannot give permission for someone to have sex with you.
Even if you were over sixteen, choosing to have sex is your decision, you should never feel pressured in to having sex. You have to give consent, and the notion around consent is that not saying no does not count as a yes. You do have to say yes.What your boyfriend did was not ok.
It might be helpful for you to contact the Rape Crisis Helpline and talk through some of the issues that you may be left with. Their number is0808 802 9999. If you feel comfortable talking to an adult in your life about this it might be really helpful too.
This is Abuse team - 14/12/2013
Thanks for getting in touch and sharing this with us.I am sorry to hear that this has happened to you. Pressurizing someone to have sex is never okay, particularly given your age and the fact that you did not feel ready to have a sexual relationship yet - sex requires consent from both people involved without either one felling they 'have to'. Its no wonder you are feeling confused and upset about what has happened. This is not your fault. You are not responsible for someones else's behaviour. The comment by your friend is not helpful either and shows that she does not really understand what has happened to you. Of course you are not what she called you. Is there someone else you trust whom you could talk to about this - maybe your parents, a teacher, friend, youth worker?. Talking to someone will help you not feel so alone with this and they might be able to get you some support.
Viva I also think it would be really helpful for you to look at a website that has loads of good information on it for young people about relationships. Its called respect not fear and the website is www.respectnotfear.co.uk.
We have a live chat session Mon - Fri 5 -7 if you want to chat to us more about this
This is Abuse team - 08/12/2013
Thanks for your message and getting in touch. This is not your fault and it is not okay to pressurize or force someone into having sex - this is rape. Sex should be something both partners are in agreement with and consent to. It must be very confusing and upsetting for you and the comment from your friend was not okay either as you are not responsible for what has happened. Perhaps you could find another friend or adult to talk to that you trust to see if they can help. There is a good website too that you can look at www.respectnotfear.co.uk which is just for young people and is all about relationships. If there is no one you feel able to talk to at the moment maybe try child-line on 0800 1111 as they have loads of experience in talking to young people and supporting them. Try and find someone you trust to talk to about what has happened. We also have a live chat session each evening 5 - 7 if you want to talk to us
This is Abuse team - 07/12/2013
I was 15 and I had been with my boyfriend a year, we hadn't gone all the way sex wise but we'd done things, but we we're growing apart and I wasn't intrested in the sexual bit anymore, but he used to hold me down and force himself on me, then get upset and apologize. In the end I split with him and got with a new boy. I went all the way with him but then he turned nasty- he started to pressure me into sex and shout at me if I said no, he also began to shout at me for no reason and make me feel small, I split with him but still feel the affects sometimes... I just don't know what to do.
Sorry to hear about your x boyfreand doing thingsblike that to you.
have you cantacted the police becauce this could be taken two ways abusenlike you have sed and rape because he was forsing uou to do things you did not what to do
david wood - 09/12/2013
What’s happened to you is horrific and we are truly sorry to hear how you have suffered. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a serious crime and it should be reported. It’s important to understand that what happened was not your fault; there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.
We would urge you to find someone you trust to talk to - a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, it’s really important to speak up about what happened. You have the right to be safe, and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 in confidence to talk; nothing is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline in confidence to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
You can also speak to the police about the assault. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help – if you’re unsure you might find it helpful to talk to an expert who can tell you more about the process and what to expect before you make the call to the police. You can find details of suitable organisations on the Need Help page here - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help.
If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, please call the police on 999.
i was 16 when i got with my 19 year old bf , we had a great relationship had our share of arguements from time to time but i totally trusted him we where toghere for a year and a half until i met him one day and he hit me and took me away to a woods and raped me and tied me up in the woods , i mananged to free myself and i was so scared i had to go to police and go through courts , i was so confused cos i felt like i loved him he got sent down for 7 years and im glad cos now im getting on with my life im 18 now i have my boyfriend iv been with for 9 months and hes so fab , to all yous women out there , please dont let someone hurt you take action !! its hard but you will always have someone there to help you :)
I've been seeing my boyfriend for 6 months and we had quite an active sex life but a couple of months in I was unable to bad sex because I had a minor infection so I was a little sore, that day we had a really good day and we went to bed we kissed abit and things got a little intimate but I knew it couldn't go any further and I thought he did to because I'd told him I couldn't earlier. I was in just a nighty and even after I had said I couldn't he had sex with me anyway. Afterwards he apologised and things were fine and when my Infection went we continued with our normal sex life but then after a couple of weeks again we had for intimate again and we started having sex but then he started being rough and pinned me down I told him to stop but he wouldn't l, and said afterwards he said 'no babe, you like it rough sometimes'. And again our relationship has carried on and if I ever mention anything about what he did he says done be so stupid and If I did tell anyone or the police he'd make my life hell. I love him but don't know what to do, he's also very controlling. Please help
If you are ever put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to please find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important to open up about what’s happening and how your boyfriend is abusing you, you need to let someone know what’s going on. Talk to a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you, they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. They offer counselling and support for women who have experienced any form of sexual violence, not just rape.
I am suffering verbal abuse, being ignored and my paikrtner that I have been with for 3 years seems le he hates me and it making me very upset. please help!
We're sorry to hear about the way your partner is treating you. If he's being emotionally abusive it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.
We would always encourage you to try and find someone you trust to talk to. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust, a close friend or a relative for example. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).
I have boyfriend he had sex with me but i said stop he was going to unbotton my jeans I gived him a little push but he is stronger than me he push me on the floor and started to rape me I started to cry so I told him I would go to the police but he started to blackmailing and hit me with a knife me the next day I told him that I don't like like the way u r treating me he said i'am sorry hugged our relationship is going great. And I think this abuse has to stop NOW!
The way your boyfriend is treating you is horrible. Abuse is wrong and should not be tolerated, and being forced into sex is totally unacceptable, rape is a crime.
What happened wasn't your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. If he's also threatening and blackmailing you, it's really important you find someone you trust to talk to about your relationship - a teacher, a close friend, a parent or other relative, or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, there are people who can help you, you have the right to be safe and happy and support is out there.
If you're under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence, nothing is too big or small for them. You can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you're over 18, we would urge you to call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm - 2.30pm and 7pm - 9.30pm about the assault. They offer counselling and support for women who have experienced any form of sexual violence, not just rape. You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 to get advice and support on your boyfriend's abusive behaviour.
You can also speak to the police, most forces have specially trained officers who can help. And if you ever feel you are in immediate danger, call 999.
i dont want to say
I'm 14 and my boyfriend is 15 nearlly his 16th birthday and he keeps saying that he can't wait to be 16 because he can have sex , he has touched me up my body before and tried to unbutton my top but I got scared and pulled away and gave him a little push , we were alone in my house when this happened and he slapped me and threw me on the floor and got a belt from my draw and hit me with it , I stared to cry and he called me a baby , I tried to run out but he grabbed me and pushed me on the bed and we had sex , I could get up because he was a lot stronger then me and pinned me down , luckily he was wearing a condom and I didn't get pregnant , but after a few days of him abusing me I told him that I was scared of him and I don't like how he's treating me , he said he's sorry and hugged me and now we live in a happy relationship , I think he now understands how much it hurt me and promises not to do it again unless I'm old enough and ready I fell a lot safer now and happyer
Rape is a crime. No one should behave like that, in or out of a relationship, and you certainly should not tolerate it, it's not normal behaviour, you deserve so much better.
Even if your boyfriend has stopped we would urge him to contact Respect - on 0808 802 4040 or visit http://www.respectphoneline.org.uk/phoneline.php - they run a confidential helpline for anyone concerned about their abuse/violence towards a partner. They will be able to advise and support your boyfriend if he really is sorry and wants to change his behaviour.
Abuse can easily damage your confidence and self-worth so we would also encourage you to speak to someone in confidence about what happened - call Childline on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them and they won't judge. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Please make sure you are safe in your relationship, and be sure to talk to someone you trust about what happened.
I think I'm in an abusive relationship right now. My boyfriend, Harry keeps wanting to do some things to me and I'm not ready yet. I'm only 14 and he's 16.
One time when we were sitting on the sofa when my parents were not at home he just started reaching down my shirt and touching me uncomfortably. Another time when my mum and dad wanted me to 'play games' with him (as if they think i'm still a 9 year old) and he just started touching me again. I told him to stop it but he just told me to be quiet and started raping me.
He forced me to have sex with him and even tried to take all my clothes of before and when I managed to get myself out of his room he was phoning his friends and telling them to get me. It never happened but I'm still a bit anxious. I had a proper crush on Harry and sometimes I still do.
Just when I get really close to them i realize something's not right, because I feel really anxious because I don't know if he is going to start up about have sex again.
I don't want to break up with him because I think I really like him alot. Is this really abuse?
Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape. It is a crime and it should be reported. It’s important to understand that what happened was not your fault; there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.
If you have been raped, we would urge you to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, it’s important to speak up about what happened. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you have been raped or sexually assaulted, you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
Where are the videos showing men suffering at the hands of woman, or is it only men who can be abusive? All you are doing is telling men that they can't be a victim of abuse and you should be ashamed, it's disgraceful.
Thanks for your feedback; we are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign.
We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight, and we are also aware that most teenage boys have normal and healthy relationships. However, in abusive relationships the statistics show that it is usually the male in the relationship that is the abuser and the female the victim and therefore it is important for the campaign to reflect this.
Our objective is to help both boys and girls spot the signs of abuse in relationships and raise awareness of what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour, and although we depict a female victim in the advert, the messages are relevant for both boys and girls whether they are victims or abusers,
We have provided advice and information on the website which points all victims to the help they need - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help - including specific help for male victims of violence and abuse through Respect and Survivors UK. The site is also a forum where young people can pose questions and discuss the issue with their peers and experts in the field.
I have seen abuse from the outside of a relationship through my sister and through a friend. I can safely say that for my sister, leaving her partner was the best thing she ever did. She had a child with him which has caused a few issues through courts, but she's so much happier now being with someone who can help her and spends time with her without hitting her. On the other hand, with my friend he is in an abusive relationship. Some of my other friends have noticed too but unfortunately after me telling him that what his girlfriend does to him is abuse, we've not spoken since and she now is keeping us apart anyway she can. She hits him an awful lot, often yells at him a lot, virtually all the time without a reason and then she claims that she does it because of panic attacks and things, even though I've discussed with her mother about what's happening and she's told me it's all lies and she's using excuses. But anyway, as for my friend, he says he loves her. He has bought her a promise ring as well because he feels too young to get engaged. I want him to get out of the relationship because I hate what this girl does to him, but unfortunately myself and my friends have all tried to help him but the moment we try he does indeed yell at us. I want him to truly see what effect it has on not just him and his relationship but for us as well because we don't want to see him getting hurt, I just don't know what to do without him yelling at all of us.
Thanks for your message; we're glad to hear your sister escaped her abusive relationship, and we hope she did that safely.
We're sorry to hear about your friend's abusive relationship, we think you should contact the Men’s Advice Line on 0808 801 0327 (run by Respect) for advice and guidance. Their aim is to increase the safety of men experiencing domestic violence and help reduce the risk, so they will be able to provide practical support for concerned friends/family (as well as males experiencing abuse) and would be best placed to advise you.