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Is insulting and threatening a partner abuse?
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Speak Out against abuse
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lizzie
05/05/2012
i'm 12 and my ex boyfriend made have sex with him and he go me pregnant and i felt scared when he did it to me
Replylizzie - 05/05/2012
Anonymous
28/04/2012
I'm 14, but a year ago I e-dated a guy from Australia. He forced me to go on webcam and flash, which I know isn't as serious as rape, but it still hits me hard when I remember how he persuaded me by saying '' You'd do it if you loved me.'' I should never have fallen for it, he dumped me a week after saying he got bored of me. I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed and stupid in my life...
ReplyAnonymous - 28/04/2012
i no it is hard some one got me pregnant and i'm 12 i didnt want him to do it to me
Anonymous - 05/05/2012
your not the only one who has done that i have done the same but i dated an american after about 3 and a half months i found out he was cheating on me i fell for the same line 'You'd do it if you loved me' after that i never really went out with anyone until 4 weeks ago but the person i'm dating ik very well
MekahJayy - 30/04/2012
Hannah
28/04/2012
I was sexually assaulted, I just hope these messages and this site help people be more aware of what could happen to them.
ReplyHannah - 28/04/2012
jess
25/04/2012
is anyone else finding these slightly sexist...? especially the emotional abuse ones; women could just as easily do that to men
Replyjess - 25/04/2012
Men abuse women more just because they're easier to abuse.
Eric - 02/05/2012
It is an issue. Some forms of abuse may more commonly happen in a situation where a male is abusive to a female, particularly rape. But men who are abused in any way by women, and also by men, are still victims and deserve support and understanding.
Not disclosed - 30/04/2012
yeah that whats i thought
Fran - 28/04/2012
since the ages we existed men have since dominated and abused women. on a personal level (relationships/friendships/sibling) to an open level of sexism (womens votes/rights to wear clothes of choice/gender roles/media expectations)
unfortunately men are more abusive towards women. and that is what they want to stop.
yes i know women can be abusive, but it's on a minor scale.
they are trying to chance the sexist views on women and teach men not to treat women on a lesser scale. we are all equal. but this site is about abuse. and well.. sorry, men are mainly the abuser.
miss - 27/04/2012
Jammiedodger128
25/04/2012
Most people stereotype this as women being the victims because its what it has been seen as in society for many many years, for many years, women were seen as inferior, whereas it is becoming more and more apparently that nowadays there is more abuse with men being the victims. Any type of abuse where any human is demoralised is wrong, its a act that could destroy a person for life. It can make them enter a cycle that will always be a huge part of their life, and it is a shame that some people don't realise what they are doing is wrong, and the victims feel too powerless to do something about it. Its good that more awareness has been made about it.
ReplyJammiedodger128 - 25/04/2012
lollie3
24/04/2012
reading these comments make me scared...i really dont want 2 be in a reletionship wiv any boys atall but i think this boy fancie's me but he is dodgie... what should i do????????
Replylollie3 - 24/04/2012
In what way is he 'dodgie'? If in the '' Oh he's a geek and he's not good enough for you.'' way, then he's probably fine. But if there is a cause for concern about how he acts, if he might do drugs/drink etc. then I'd suggest not getting involved. I know I might sound harsh stereotyping 'dodgy' but you never know. He might turn out to be a really nice guy, but if you don't think he's safe enough for you, don't get involved.
Anonymous - 28/04/2012
Invite him to yours. if he trys anything back off. he doesnt want you if hes going to try have sex asap, im a boy, i know
guy - 27/04/2012
you should get to know him first
then if things turn out ok then you can make the next step xxxxxxxxxxxxx ok babe:)
Laura - 26/04/2012
A Young Man
24/04/2012
Why is everything of the Home Office targeting young men as the rapists and sex offenders? Statistics only show part of the true story, they may show the young ladies as being victims on a much wider spectrum but at the same time the lack of male victims can show the amount of males that wish not to speak out of there abuse.
ReplySo much for an equal society.
A Young Man - 24/04/2012
it targets a younger audience who have not been educated properly about abuse. when we target them, thy will take the lessons to the grave and teach the future generation
miss - 27/04/2012
Muhammad kamran aslam
23/04/2012
i don't understand this know u people understanding this. when its get to late. but girls you have to speak for this. have to take a step for this. this isn't love and you know it what is this very well. so step forward and don't let this happens before it get too late
ReplyMuhammad kamran aslam - 23/04/2012
JLLYBEAN45
22/04/2012
i was13 and with my sister and and she was having sex with this one guy and this other guy was hitting on me and h kept on pressuring me and then he grabbed and told me i wanted to and stuff and i didnt say anything because i was to scared and while we were whatever you want to call this other guy was touching me too and after the first guy was done the other guy made me have sex with him too
ReplyJLLYBEAN45 - 22/04/2012
A
21/04/2012
My Mum and I used to do Karate lessons for self defence on stuff like this. More for me. I am prepared. I feel so sorry for all those who have to go through abuse. It makes me sick. It was my mum's idea for me to get karate lessons and i am happy because when i'm out and i'm on my own, i do get looks from all kind of guys my age and older. I'm only 13 but i do feel secure and safe cuz i know i do have a chance to defend myself if this situation happens. Girls, learn Martial Arts, and no-one can touch you.
ReplyA - 21/04/2012
polly
18/04/2012
i work as a counsellor for young people who have experienced some kind of sexual violation - i work with young men and young women - it is not only young women who experience this kind of thing. and its not only young people abusing young people - its brilliant that this whole thing is being talked about but we do need to see its not just about male abuse to female. thanks!
Replypolly - 18/04/2012
Dan
14/04/2012
I would like to firstly say that my thoughts go out to anyone who has had to carry on their lives after anything like this has happened to them, it shouldn’t happen and there should be no need for site like this nor need for the countless lives ruined by such horrendous acts of spit. But what also goes out to any individual that has experienced such thing and those close to them who carry them through it is pure admiration and respect, I admire someone who is strong enough to pick what they can up after these atrocious acts are committed on them. Thus carrying on with their life though scared but powerful and strong. Though it may feel "your" alone and can’t turn any direction for support I want "you" to know that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, always a silver lining and always a brighter day after the dark storm. Though u may feel like you are nothing, know that you are beautiful, you are special, you are strong and most importantly you are you which nothing will change. I do what I can to help people to stay happy, I do what I can to stay strong but these people do it ten-fold and have my full support respect and admiration. To all of "you" stay strong and you will find that you are an amazing person. With all my praise and admiration Dan x
ReplyDan - 14/04/2012
a friend
14/04/2012
im only 14, i have'nt even had a boyfriend yet, but i feel so sorry for everyone who has had to deal with this. it's revolting to think thats what's happening in our world today. i think everyone who's posted there story is so brave. it must be so hard to deal with it on your own and i hope that you all find someone who care's and love's for you. not all guy's and girl's do this but if someone does do this, my advise is to tell someone don't keep it in. i wish everyone good luck and don't let that person destroy your life. life is an amazing thing, not all of life is good but yet not all of life is bad x
Replyfrom a friend
a friend - 14/04/2012
candy
13/04/2012
is un fair iam bisexual and people are beting me up my brother is just like this i wish my child hood was over my my mum is such a little player iam alllways alone
Replycandy - 13/04/2012
hey if your biased then that is your choice if they are picking on you try to rise above it or if you would like write a diary to put all your worries away or tell a trusted adult
Alex Wright - 27/04/2012
hey why is ur brother being beaten up if ur a bi
lollie3 - 24/04/2012
megan
13/04/2012
I think Rape and Abuse is Wrong! People should be able to stop and Think about what there doing because it may seems right to them but not to the other person. If People could see there selfs and feel how other people are feeling they wouldn't do it because its wrong. If anyone has been putting up with things like this don't! you should be able to speak for youself maybe just maybe they would understand and stop before they hurt you. Just think or speak before you do it or let them. don't be scared
Replymegan - 13/04/2012
James
12/04/2012
sorry but I cant help but notice that there is no mention of the, very very few but still existing, cases of a girl controlling a guy: verbal and psychological abuse. even a single video dedicated to this would make the whole campaign far more open to other sects of the adolescent population. female to male abuse might be rare, but it does happen. And its just as ferocious and soul destroying and male to female.
ReplyJames - 12/04/2012
Very very few? It happens a lot more than you might think
Walter - 29/04/2012
alex
12/04/2012
awww mate if i say some bloke abusing some lass id *up 4 different ways before sundown the sad thing * like this goes on all the time but know one hears about because the woman are too afried to speak out at lest this is giveing not only blokes but woman as well that their is no excuse for this type of behavoiur sorry for the swearing
Replyalex - 12/04/2012
Valerie
12/04/2012
I think all of these videos are totally relevant and I completely support this campaign - I think it's brilliant, however; I don't think that the guys should be made out to be the bad people in every situation. I don't doubt that in the majority of cases it is the male participant who is being abusive, however girls abusing their boyfriends or partners is a lot more common than you would think. In these cases it isn't usually to do with sex, but girls can often me a lot more devious and controlling than boys, which leads to a lot of emotional - if not physical - damage to these guys. I think more videos should be put up to demonstrate this because what is currently here - although fantastic - is quite sexist and stereotypical. *I am a girl by the way, but I have a male friend who has been through something similar to what I am describing.*
ReplyValerie - 12/04/2012
kitty
12/04/2012
I had a best girlfriend which I grew up.
Reply15 we went to different schools and then she came to false friends and drugs.
one day i want to visit her. at her home i saw a girl and her boyfriend. The girl was known as a bully and her boyfriend as dealer. my best friends partens were not home... they locked the door and the bully girl holding a knife on my neck. then she said: if you do not sleep with my boyfriend i kill you. my best girlfriend just sat in a corner and has watched. they dont let me go after this. I had to stay overnight. The girl said you slept with my boyfriend. if you fall asleep, I'll cut your hair off and put glue on the rest. i dont sleep. next day my best friends parents came at home and i run home. I told everything to my mother
because my mother hated me, but,
she do not believe me
The criminals were never forced to be accountable. sorry for my bad english im from germany
kitty - 12/04/2012
if your bestfriend has changed that much and become friends with these sort of people then she must be in some sort of trouble. if you can text her but if they are trying to force you to do those sort of things there is something wrong with them.
Alex Wright - 27/04/2012
C
11/04/2012
When I was at age 9 my father started to hit me justifying " I had to start to work. For smaller reasons, like "be slow to do the dishes", It took many years before I went to the judge. I came from a violent family and my grandpa was drunk all wekeends, while he crash and hit who tries to stop him. It last for many years and when I was going to university my father forced a kiss inside of the university, in front of everyone, while I screamed and tried to get them away. He grabbed my legs too. I never could hug him again. My family say he have religious rights to do it because he´s father and man. I fell like a muslin daughter
ReplyC - 11/04/2012
Vicky
11/04/2012
This is an absolutley brilliant campaign and its good that abusive relationships in teenagers has been brought into the public eye, hoever I have yet to see anything about boys being the victim yet. I do feel this should be rectified as a girl can be just as controlling and mentally and emotionally abusive as any boy.
ReplyVicky - 11/04/2012
Rosie
09/04/2012
When i was 16 i thought i had met the greatest man in the world, we loved each other and nothing could change that. a year and 5 months went and we went to seperate colleges and we split as we were arguing so much. we then decided to date again and he got talking to my ex before him. i thought nothing of it and carried on like nothing had happened, then one day he turns around and says he cant do it anymore and dumped me again, i was destrought but i still went to college. the same day i was walking home and decided to walk across the field behind my house. i saw a dark figure in the distance so i decided to walk across another part of the field and head towards my house but there was yet another person, i then looked around and in the distance there was around 12 men walkin towards me, i paniked and started to run but before i could go anywhere one of them grabs my hair and pulls me down to the floor, they each take there turns insurting into me but was told they would kill me and my ex who i still cared about. a week later i talk to my ex before the one who broke up with me, nd he asked me if i had fun in the field, it didnt click but then i realised it was him and his friends who raped me, he told me that it was him who told my boyfriend to break up with me, i rang the police and he was arreseted. 1 year later i am now in a new relationship and i couldnt b happier and so is my ex boyfriend, i still cannot go in the field but time will help with it. thankyou 4 reading
ReplyRosie x
Rosie - 09/04/2012
i feel really hurt and sorry 4 u. Hope everything gets beta 4 u an i wish those guys who raped u pay for wat theyv don cos thats disgustin wat theyv don 2 u. my heart weeps 4 u cos i feel so sorry 4 u. and even though i'v neva been raped, i cant stand rapists. And i'm 16 an i don't av any boyfriends an neva had em cos i'm scared i'll get raped and also 2 of my classmates no so many girls who got raped by their boyfriends an eva since then i dont want a boyfriend even though almost all the boys in my yer want me 2 be their girlfriend cos they find me preti. but i hope i get a nice, luvin hubi in da future.
sweetcelebreteen - 15/04/2012
omg some thing like that happed to but it wasmy dad and a iam only 13 and pregneat and the baby his and my boy friend said he will love it as hes own and my dad came on to me as i was whating a film
candy - 13/04/2012
OMG, when I read your post i felt, so sorry for you. I can't believe that happened to you. I am sure you are bright, pretty girl, and you should not have gone through that!!! Always here to talk.
Izzy xox
Izzy - 10/04/2012
Meg
09/04/2012
I have never been raped, but hearing the stories about it, makes me feel ill, i feel sorry for all of you and encourage you to speak out!
Replyhowever I have had someone force themselves onto me, in a park it was dark, and he kept kissing me, he held my hands around a pole and wouldn't let me go, i dont think this is classed as rape but i was nervous and didn't get with anyone for over a year, i had a phobia of everyone touching me, but now thats all changed:) my new boyfriend and I are so happy, he is always there for me, and he says he would never treat me like that, a word of advice girls, it gets worse before it gets better, speak out please, it does help!
Meg - 09/04/2012
Rose
07/04/2012
I just don't understand how this can happen. I feel terrible for the girls who have had to go through this, and the concept of rape terrifies me. How easily things can get out of hand...it makes me feel sick. But i also get that boys who do this to their girlfriends might not actually be bad people. Some of them probably don't understand, or have been brought up to think that they are superior, or whatever. I'm fourteen, and i think that it is so important for campaigns like this one - that tell young people, boys and girls, about rape - to run.
ReplyRose - 07/04/2012
colten hampson
07/04/2012
i have kind of suffered a similar thing because a rummer went round i raped a girl when im not like that i find rape and abuse disgusting and in my honest opinion i could never bring my self to do it am just not that type of person but know i cant leave me house with out being called a paedophile or rapist or getting jumped what can i do to escape this ??
Replycolten hampson - 07/04/2012
Hi Colten
You haven’t said whether you’re still at school or college, but if so, try and discuss it with a teacher or someone else there you trust. They will be able to take action to help keep you safe.
You can also talk it through in detail by calling ChildLine on 0800 1111 or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
You can also contact Beat Bullying on www.beatbullying.org who provide advice to help young people who are being bullied either face to face or online.
amy
06/04/2012
I have been in two long term relationships and they have both been controlling i wish that these videos were more advertised when i was a teen as i would have been much more aware that it wasn't normal for a relationship to be like that. For anyone who is in a new relationship like this please get out of it and live your life as you are only young once and make the most of it. Personally i have found it is harder to rebuild my life now i am older xxx
Replyamy - 06/04/2012
R
05/04/2012
I've never actually told anyone as I'm so ashamed, only my very very close friends know, but they were not supposed to know either, it came out accidently. My parents don't even know. I was raped by my at-the-time boyfriend in 2010 i was with him for nearly a year. He raped me 7 months into our relationship. I regret him so much! We did plan on having sex about 2 months before, but i was nervous. I guess he got impatient. I did speak to my Mum about going on the pill but because this was totally unexpected he didn't give me a chance to speak to my mum or go to the doctors. I wanted it to be special cos it would have been my first time. We were in my house on our own, he forced himself on me and kept saying 'Only for a minute'. Those words still spin in my head everyday. He was so possessive! He would check my phone for texts and any texts from boy mates he would accuse me of cheating on him. I never spent time with my friends. Thankfully they stuck by me all the way their the best, most supportive friends ever, and i love them all so much! I am a strong person and I've got over it on my own. I now have the most amazing boyfriend who i trust 100%! He does know about what happened and he does respect me a lot and I love him for it. I do still suffer a tiny bit with trust issues when it comes to sex. I often wonder to myself if he's only with me for sex aswell? But i also keep these thoughts to myself. I didn't lose my virginity to my ex, he stole it from me. I now have lost it to my boyfriend (in my mind anyway) but really it was taken from me and i'll never get it back. I just think people who are suffering should definitely speak out and talk to someone. Don't suffer in silence as it's not your fault:)
ReplyR - 05/04/2012
rose
05/04/2012
These aren't just pointed out for boys but also to help girls. I'm only sixteen and the day after my birthday i got raped. told a friend as she started going out with him but she accused me of lying, it went around my whole school and then got kicked out for my own safety. I've recently started going back for exams however, no day comes without a punch or two. I don't see why i spoke out about it in the first place now. The police do nothing but push you away and now all i get is death threats and him claiming he's going to do it again because i told. Again, again and again. Where do i go from here? I can't face to talk about it. This is the first move i've made after almost 6 months. :'(
Replyrose - 05/04/2012
rose i also got raped i dont think anyone wo hasnt been through it could possible understand i had the same situation all my friends didnt belive me and i am leftto cope on my own, i didnt get to do my school exams or anythin hes ruined my life
anom - 06/04/2012
Hi Rose
Thank you for your post and I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time about traumatic incidents from your past.
It is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.
Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
Rich
04/04/2012
Reading through these stories is making me feel sick. I fail to understand how boys can treat a girl so badly. I'm 16 and just started going out with my first girl and all I want is for her to be happy, nothing else is important.
ReplyRich - 04/04/2012
^^ this is they way a real man is, A real man dosnt rape a girl ! A real Man Protects her. x
lolly! - 08/04/2012
awww this is how men/boys should be, I also find it sickening that people do theses things. I'm glad there is at least one man out there who cares for womens feelings, and doesn't just want to get into their pants.:D
Holly - 08/04/2012
Millie
04/04/2012
My best friend told me that her boyfriend shoved her on the bed and got on top of her and he wouldn't let her get up by pinning her hands on the bed. What do i do, and how i can i help her?
ReplyMillie - 04/04/2012
Hi Millie
Thank you for posting and asking for help for your friend.
If you think you have spotted some of the warning signs of abuse in your friend's relationship or they have told you about sexual assualt or rape that has occured, they may need professional help. They may also need your encouragement and support to help to stop it.
Tell your friend you are worried about them and let them know that the abuse is not their fault, it’s unacceptable and that support is available.
It can be useful to think up a code word that they can use on the phone to let you know they need help. 
Don't ignore the issue if you think it is happening. When you try to talk to them, try not to make them feel judged as it takes courage to admit abuse. 
Encourage them to talk to a trusted adult, and if their partner has been violent or forced them to have sex, encourage them to talk to the police. You shouldn’t confront their partner on your own and neither should your friend. 

If your friend wants to speak to someone in confidence encourage them to contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) or Childline on 0800 11 11 they can also go to www.childline.org.uk where you they can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
kealeigh
02/04/2012
hiya
Replyi have a bf who batters me everyday and if it aint that he strangles me. if i dont give him sex hes gets on top off me and trys to do it tht way.he has made me lose our unborn child and he is blaming me all the time i dont know what to do if i phone the police he shouts at me or even pushes me down the stairs i cant take it anymore can someone give me some advice please
kealeigh - 02/04/2012
I think u need to phone the police possibly when he is not around the sooner it get to the police he will be out of your way and u will have no more harm and pain
SHONA - 05/04/2012
hi,
i really feel sorry for you. i know people might just say that but i do actully mean it. it must be hard in your situation. and loosing your unborn child is a diffrent matter altogether. maybe if you've got a few hours where hes out then you could see a counciler. dont be afraid if they tell the police, because if the police do find out its not like they are going to let u be in more danger. they have this thing in the system called whitness protection, im sure that might aply to vunrable victims like you aswell. just take each day at a time. you dont have to contact the police or even a counciler right now, but if it does get worse i woud advise you too, even if you love him, he obisoly dosent love you, as horrible as it sounds! hope things get better<3 sorry if my advice isnt that good xxxx
jade minnie - 04/04/2012
what you need to do if get away... somehow (i do not know you so i can't give more help ) and get to the police... rape + assault = jail
the helper - 04/04/2012
you are literally experiencing every type of abuse. If you go to work or school or something - some time where you have an excuse to get away from him - go to the nearest police station, show them your injuries and ask for protection. They should be able to keep you safe and get him locked up. You might want to take pictures of your injuries to use as evidence in court. Try and tell somebody close who can help you and once your safe, get in contact with one of the organisations which will support you they will give you counselling. I'm no expert but I think you have a chance of getting out of this, good luck!
Anonymous - 02/04/2012
Hi Kealeigh
Thank you for posting on this site and having the courage to share.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this is never your fault. Also, there when it happened in the past, there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999
jack of spades 2
01/04/2012
these clip's are very inportiant as most lad's exspect tings off there partners, before they are ready, but what they dont understand is the being is a relationship is about trust, love, a bond between to people, respect. . . an then at a later stage phyisical relation ship but only when both partners are 100% sure that they are ready, any doubt then you souldn't an always use protecting . That is my opinion on these clips and about relationships
Replyjack of spades 2 - 01/04/2012
spoken like a true and understanding person :)
i give you thumbs up
helping hand - 04/04/2012
minee
01/04/2012
this campaign changed lot of lives but there is still abuse going on and people are too scared to stand up for them selves. i was been bullied at school but things change over time till i was in year 10 ! since yr 7 i was been bullied and it was really hard to take. i didn't know english so people was just mean to me even people from my own country ! i was crying every day when i got home and my mum was worried she even spoke to one of the person who was bullying me but she hated me more ! there was no reason that she was been mean or wasn't talking to me at all its just silly ! once in my tutor they pulled my chair out while i was about to sit ;( ! there are lot of people who abuse and bully its awful they need to stop !!
Replyminee - 01/04/2012
i no how u feel cos my litle sista was bullied frm de age of 7 til no and no shes 12. shes becom a stronga person an sometimes when i see her getin bullied i do defend her but wheneva i wana comfort her about it she bursts out cryin an we sleep in a bunk, me at da top and her at da bottom a every night cos i'm a light sleeper i hear her sniffs and silent cries and sometimes she even has night mares about someone bullyin her. i no she has'nt been raped but wat can i do 4 her, shes my fave sis and i dont know how 2 help her. can someone plz plz plz help???
sweetcelebreteen - 15/04/2012
Hi Minee
Thanks for your comments. If you're still being bullied you can contact Beat Bullying on www.beatbullying.org who provide advice to help young people who are being bullied either face to face or online.
Soph
01/04/2012
I know that most rape and abuse is from boys against girls, but I am sure some guys have suffered prussure and abuse from their girlfriends/partners. Should this be reflected in this ad campaign?
ReplySoph - 01/04/2012
I agree, I also think there should be something in the campaign that reflects gay relationships because guys can be the victims of rape too.
Anonymous - 02/04/2012
Hi Soph
You're right, both men and women can be victims of abuse. We work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse, which you can view by clicking on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
Help for male and female victims of abuse can be found in Your Questions.
Anonimous
31/03/2012
I have been raped in the past its NOT pleasant I just wish these people could see what they were doing and STOP
ReplyAnonimous - 31/03/2012
bells
31/03/2012
some people dont understand that what they are doing is wrong. being a monster wont make people respect you. what others say stand up for yourself that can be hard! no body but you can really make yourself understand how to stop things. be strong and stand up for what you want. i respect everyone who has been through this
Replybells - 31/03/2012
Megan Dawson
30/03/2012
I'm still quit young but i still think its very wrong and i don't want to be abused but i just want to say to people who have been don't let abuse keep your hopes down on people because not all people are like that <3
ReplyMegan Dawson - 30/03/2012
mikey
30/03/2012
girls you will need to tell them straght that u dont want to hve sex or abused etc so tell them u dont want it and if they carry on call the police
Replymikey - 30/03/2012
Mate, I understand what you're saying but it is not always as simple as that. Think about it, guys are often stronger than girls making it hard for a girl to stop a guy, and there are many people who find it very hard to talk to people about personal issues. Whilst I don't know anyone who has been abused it isn't necessarily something a girl will want to talk about, especially if it is sexual and she feels threatened by her partner. It is not as simple as just saying stop and talking to the police, in fact this could jsut make things worse.
Rich - 04/04/2012
Ellen
30/03/2012
I am 15 years old and i was raped by a 21 year old man, at the time the only thing i could think about was is this really happening to me. then 6 weeks later i told my family now were in the process of him being arrested, but its not as simple as that being the fact its my word against his. School has been a big issue with me i get abuse form so called 'friends' so at the moment it is really hard and i feel as if i am being punished.
ReplyEllen - 30/03/2012
you are not being punished..... you are being mistreated. as the rapist is 21 he may have done this before, and if the police/court for your word against this man show them this website.
people who have been raped have to stand up and they will win against this son of a ***** so this can be STOPPED
helping - 04/04/2012
i feel sorry for you and you should off called the child line thing and told them or he could ov get arrested
iqra - 31/03/2012
I know this is probably hard, but try to ignore those so-called friends. Somebody has hurt you and you don't deserve to be punished further. Maybe try talking to someone from the outside (maybe even a psychologist) or somebody close from your family. I am sure that that son of a **** will get arrested. Stay strong. Lots of love
sara - 30/03/2012
Amy
30/03/2012
I am 17 years old and have just left a relationship of two years. At first everything was perfect... I fell in love over time and everything he did wrong... was wiped under the carpet, I pretended that he was perfect.
ReplyI look back now and I see that I lost myself... I always said I would never let someone control me... I would never let someone hurt me... but over the slow course of two years... he made me think I was worth nothing. He cheated on me... he threatened me... he made me think I was worthless...... and I held on to every single word like it was pure gold.
He had a way with words… he would let me speak… and then change everything that had happened into something different… he could have made me think I was wrong to breath if he had wanted too…
He would say sorry... when he was in a good mood... he would say it wasn't him... I would nod and tell him he was perfect and that I didn't care... I would forgive him and I was always the one to crawl back to him. I would hold him close when he was upset and I would do everything in my power to protect him from any backlash of his own actions… too me, he was perfect, amazing and when he told me he loved me… I would blindly believe him.
He made me sleep on the floor if he was angry… but the next day he would twist everything so it looked like I had had a choice… I would sit there and try to be quiet while I cried... if I made to much noise… he would get angry at me…
He left me... but when he realised he was 'lonely' he came back... I jumped back into his arms and stupidly gave him everything he asked for.... then he would leave me again… he would leave me feeling used… ruined… and very very alone. This happened a few times before I said words that I hadn't said in years.... no..... this caused him to become even more violent and relationship destructive..... after all, he had only gotten back with me for one thing…. If I wouldn’t give it to him, he needed an excuse to get out fast.
Standing at his door and seeing for the first time.... I said words that still cut through me... saying 'Its over' can be the hardest thing in the world to do… but when you have been made to believe you can’t live without that person… It isn’t even possible…
3 days have passed since I pushed him out of my life… if he comes looking for me again… I would like to think I would stay strong… but I know I won’t… I know ill go running back… I love him… that’s is the saddest, sickest part… I would do anything for him… and he knows it.
I know I can live without him… but that thought soon leaves my mind when he takes me into his arms and tells me he was wrong and he loves me and wants to take me back… I soon start to remember the time when he did love me….. the time long ago when I could see love in his eyes… and it was more then just a word to him…
I want to stay strong… I want to stay single… but I am struggling to pull away from a relationship that consumed me…
I don’t want to live in fear of the person I love… I don’t want to flinch when he lifts his hand… I don’t want to cry anymore…
But how can I say no… too the person that has spent the last two years… being my lover… my entertainment… and my only friend…? :.(
Amy - 30/03/2012
Hi Amy
Thanks for your post. We're glad that you have decided to turn your back on this relationship. Love cannot be based on fear of your partner, this is an unhealthy state of affairs, and will lead to further damage to your happiness and confidence.
Emotional abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and stopping you doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do. We can't promise that change will be instant, but it's important that you try and find someone you trust to talk to, so you can begin rebuilding your confidence.
They don't have to be someone in authority, just a person that you think you can talk to, that you feel comfortable with and you feel you can trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call Women’s Aid on 0808 2000 247 (phone line run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) or email them on helpline@womensaid.org.uk
Luna
27/03/2012
When I was 13 I got drugged and raped by 3 to 4 guys who were supposed to be my friends. I remember that the day after I stayed in the shower the whole day, I was bleeding for how hard I was scrubbing my skin..I felt dirty, can anyone understand this feeling?
ReplyI'm 20 now and I can never have a normal relationship with guys. I've been abused since then and everytime it happened they would always say "I know you want it". (Flyleaf - So Sick: "you sink into my clothes and this invasion makes me feel worthless, hopeless, sick")
Luna - 27/03/2012
no babe i cant imagine this feeling. but i am sorry that happened to u
angel - 27/03/2012
Hi Luna,
I'm so sorry about that, and i cant imagine what it must feel like. I hope you can find a guy who can make you feel better about everything and ... i dont know i just feel that your life will get better <3 love from, KPepsi
KPepsi - 27/03/2012
Hi Luna,
Thanks for your post, we're very concerned to hear about these traumatic incidents in your past and the effect they've had on you. As awful as things have been, please understand this was not your fault, and with the right help, the future may be better.
No matter how long ago the attacks happened, please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
phillip
27/03/2012
phillip (17 male)
Replyi hate guys who do this to girls.. theres no need for it.. girls are meant to be treated like a princess, i would look after a girlfriend as i should and i would NOT abuse her.
phillip - 27/03/2012
anonymous
26/03/2012
I'm going to tell you a story that still makes me physically sick even after 10 years.it's my nightmare.When i was 5 years old my mother left me.my father used to work 24 hours at day.
ReplyI was alone from the morning to the evening,taking care of myself.across the street there used to live a lady,that was like my mother cos i never had one...When i became 7 years old my father got fired at his job and he came home for a day.He got drunk and he raped me just like i was a rubbish,not his daughter.He damaged me inside and out.all my abuse and violence from my father lasted for 10 years.
Nobody noticed.the old lady that used to take care of me was dead.i just felt like if i would dessapear and nobody would ever notice.but finally,i got fed up with my father and his actions.i went to police station,i told all of the story.they started process that lasted for over 2 years.in those 2 years i needed to go through everything.i needed to tell over a 50 people what and how he did it.
To be pretty honest i wanted to kill myself, because of him..All of the violence, rape, abuse makes me physically sick.
Everything that got me through was Jesus.he helped me. He cured the hole in my chest that my father has ripped. I'm finally happy.i was writing my story only because i want to tell all of the girls,that they aren't alone.There always somebody out there to help, you just have to tell them what happened.but trust me i never believed that you can live happily ever after as in the fairy tales. no you honestly can't. but you just don't have to be afraid, shamed. scared or carry the hole in your chest as i once had...
anonymous - 26/03/2012
Millie
26/03/2012
um i think this is so disgusting of what some people do i mean i am 13 and some boys call me things but i just want to look and feel nice i dont dress like scary like some people. But some boys try to like touch me and i hate it i like hit them and stuff and tell them 2 go away but i am kinda scared of what it could progress to...
ReplyMillie - 26/03/2012
im 12 and i have been through sexual abuse i didnt ask for it normal people wouldnt do that your not alone i was asalted by year 10's earlyer this year as i said its not your falt you cant prevent it there are sum prity sick people out there there always will be victims but at least now there is help, tell them to stop tell anyone you can depends how they are touching you but you are the one to know whether it is not right ,sexual asualt is just as damaging as rape !
darkangel - 16/04/2012
it shouldnt progress any further if these guys r decent lads n realise that what they are doing is having an effect on you. Your friends should have noticed this too and I suppose they would stick up for you if you told them how you feel.
feeling uncomfortable around boys will soon go as i felt the same. dont change yourself or the way you dress to suit these opinions either, stay who you are.
your only 13 and if these boys go too far its best to put them in their place, though dont go to far to cause any fights and you dont really want any enemies.
i really hope you feel better and happier soon :) xxx
flo - 29/03/2012
Ellie
26/03/2012
I feel sorry for the girls, even though the videos aren't real obviously, but if they did get raped, it is really hard to stop it because, i dont want to be stereotypical but boys are stronger than girls usually so..... boys should be more careful, not all boys generally, just the ones that do stuff like that.
ReplyEllie - 26/03/2012
Louis
26/03/2012
I find the videos very good and informative , but it is sad that they only have female perspectives maybe they should make one from a boys scenario i know there is more girls in trouble but still...
ReplyLouis - 26/03/2012
Kirsty
25/03/2012
I have just got out of a relationship with a boy was was very controlling and told me who I can and cannot talk to, made sure I deleted my facebook and he had to have the passwords to every account. He also made me have sex with him when I wasn't ready.
ReplyKirsty - 25/03/2012
Anonymous
25/03/2012
I think this website s great, and it supports a really good cause, but I cant help noticing that there is nothing about a guy getting abuse from his girlfriend; this does happen, my brother was once in a relationship with this really controlling girl, who wouldn't let him hang out with his friends, she was always really aggressive and she cheated on him twice before he finally broke up with her
ReplyAnonymous - 25/03/2012
Male
25/03/2012
I haven't seen anything from a male perspective yet, I've been in a relationship where my ex girlfriend was very controlling, I think this scenario can happen both ways.
ReplyMale - 25/03/2012
Kashel
24/03/2012
HI my name is Kashel I'm 12 years old and I want to tell you my story.
ReplyWhen I was 10 I got raped by my dad he would hit me so hard. Then he would tell me to do things for him and it was horrible.
Kashel - 24/03/2012
Hi Kashel,
Thanks for your post and your courage in sharing this memory. You don't mention whether you reported this incident, or if you have confided in anyone else at all, and our concern is that you should be receiving the right help.
Being forced or pressured to have sex against your will is a crime. It was not your fault, and there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
No matter how long ago it happened, the first step is speaking out. It could be to a teacher, another relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
Anonymous
23/03/2012
I Was Going Out With A boy once, He wanted to have sex with me but I said no,He Used to hit me and say I was perthetic but luckily my dad persuaded me to tell him what had happened and he didnt hit me again. I know some people aren't as lucky as me because I didnt get forced into sex and I did only go away with a couple of red marks.
ReplyAnonymous - 23/03/2012
Bella
22/03/2012
I was young and well a boy made me well not do it but you know..
ReplyI didn't know what was happening i got told it was a game i was like 10 not having much knowledge i haven't told anyone this is my first time.
Bella - 22/03/2012
That's really sad, and i'm sorry to hear that... no one should pressure you into doing something you don't want to do.
anonymus - 31/03/2012
Bella thats so brave of you to say but Belive me I no how hard it is to speak out but speaking out is better than holding in.
A Caring Friend x - 28/03/2012
This also happened to me when I was 7, we had male baby sitters and there was one who was more interested in his own needs! 21 years on & it still affects my life!
Karen - 25/03/2012
AMZIE
21/03/2012
I was 15 and went to a party. my ex boyfriend showed up and we have some really really bad history. he was very nasty to me after our break up and made my life pretty hard. anyway i was upset he was there so i drank, i drank alot. i remember kissing him and then the next minute he was asking me to go to his, i said no . and then after that i remember having sex with him. i made him stop so we could go back to the rest of my friends. he took my virginity that night. i'm so ashamed of myself. i've been told that i've been raped by my friends, what should i do about it? ever since he's gone round to his mates telling them im bad at sex...
ReplyAMZIE - 21/03/2012
Hi Amzie,
Thank you for posting.
Being forced or pressured to have sex against your will is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. If this has happened to you, try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
none
21/03/2012
Rape is a dreadful thing to go through, and if you know someone who has been raped help them, talk to them and try and make them feel they are not the only one that has been through it.
Replynone - 21/03/2012
Laura
21/03/2012
Rape doesn't always have to be the conscious decision that it can be depicted as in some of these videos. "Just a little bit" and "you might like it once I've started" can quickly get out of hand and leave you with insecurities and a phobia of intimacy with your current partner, and in the future. There is never an excuse, no means no. Don't put up with it like I did.
ReplyLaura - 21/03/2012
anon
20/03/2012
I was sexually assaulted by a stranger when I was 15 and that experience will stay with me for the rest of my life but I couldn't imagine somebody that was a friend or someone I trusted ever doing such a thing.I think that would be even more traumatic
Replyanon - 20/03/2012
Kimmehhh
20/03/2012
I had a manipulative ex boyfriend who played mind games to try and tailor me to his wants, and when I said something which he didn't like, he would ignore me for days on end, which was especially difficult as we lived in different regions. I had no idea what was going on, and he knew what broke me to submission and used these to his advantage. He was very controlling and suggested that my sense of fashion was embarrassing, completely oblivious to the fact that he was the one who shouted racist remarks in public, and made other offensive gestures such as shouting through corner shop letterboxes when they were closed (to his inconvenience) and in his own town, picked fights with people in the streets, ending with him in jail a few times. He also smashed public property whenever he felt the urge. When we walked past groups of women, he would drop my hand out of embarrassment and claim he had a cramp. He never once bought me anything, and I had bought him nice things. Sometimes all it took was one sarcastic comment and then he would ignore my calls for ages. Everyday felt like a burden and it just made me feel like crappety- crap.This used to drain me so much and put me in angst whenever this happened, but I realized after about 4 weeks of ignoring me, the whole thing was just not worth the time of the day. It gave me a chance to get over it - ... and get my revenge.( I speed-dated one of his friends which quickly ended as we were spotted) So, a message to all of you out there - stay away from mind-playing manipulative negligent rats like this.
ReplyKimmehhh - 20/03/2012
Reggii
20/03/2012
I am a 25 year old girl and I lost my virginity when I was 10 to a 12 year old boy. He was one of my best mates but I wasn't ready for sex. He used to force me into it, saying all this stuff, making me feel beautiful and then when I said no used to put me down and bully me until he got what he wanted. This went on for a few years until I got in a relationship with this guy when I was 16. However, we used to spend the summer nights sat outside drinking and he used to invite one of his friends round. Every time my boyfriend would go in the house to get something or go to the toilet or whatever, his friend would always try it on going for a kiss or trying to do stuff to me. When I said no he would call me frigid, saying I'm scared and blackmailed me all the time. He used to come to my house and get me to come out saying I'm taking you to your boyfriends', I knew it wasn't true but I couldn't let anyone know what he was doing so I used to go with him. It was the worst experience of my life. I am now in a very happy relationship with a guy and I have been with him for 4 years. He treats me like a princess and that is how every girl deserves to be treated.
ReplyReggii - 20/03/2012
"that is how every girl deserves to be treated." Like a Princess, exactly.
Lina - 22/03/2012
Tash
18/03/2012
I suffered the same abuse as all the girls did in the video, took me 4 years to pluck up little courage and leave him.. now i am soo much happier,, after that i empowered this girl who was physically abused and beaten by her boifrend... makes me sick how people can be ...
ReplyTash - 18/03/2012
anon21
18/03/2012
i love my mate (we're both 16) and well we're going to do it together soon and i'd never ever put her in such disgusting situations. her happiness is what matters to me and she knows im going to wait if she's not ready, hope this type of abuse stops.
Replyanon21 - 18/03/2012
Richard
18/03/2012
this really makes me wonder, im 17 and i am madly in love with my girlfriend, i know myself i would never put her in a situation like this because to me, her happiness is my no.1 priority. Some people make me sick.
ReplyRichard - 18/03/2012
anon
18/03/2012
i guess boys arnt always what you think they are, i was 8 when i stupidly met up with a boy, well what i thought was a boy my age, i guess you can work out the rest of the story...
Replyanon - 18/03/2012
erica
18/03/2012
the person i was with right from the beginning would just always ask me for sex, at first he was really sweet about it and said i was special and he wanted to loose it to me but then after a while he got really fustrated and angry, even though i was really nervous becaus it was both our first time. i didnt but then i wanted him to stay with me so i agreed but my sisters convinced me not to thankgod. after ending it, a week later he had a one night stand for his first time. i was really upset because i must of not meant anything to him:[
Replyerica - 18/03/2012
Anon
18/03/2012
I had a narrow escape when I was 16. My boyfriend adopted the romantic, poetic persona on the onset, but was incredibly forceful after being with him for a few months. Although he pressurised me into trying to have sex before I was ready, he had a dysfunction and couldn't go through with it.
ReplyThis made him more frustrated and more forceful, and blamed me, calling me frigid. Although this had saved me from what I now know would have been rape, he still forced me to do other things I wasn't comfortable with. He scratched me down below and bit me on the chest, as well as constantly forcing me to take my clothes off and pinning me down forcefully whenever we were alone. The whole time I lied to myself that I had to do it to please him.
I should have said no and not allowed him to be alone with me, but he'd always try and force me into situations I wasn't happy with whenever we had an opportunity, blackmailing me constantly. In the end I believed that it was my fault and that there was something wrong with me, not him. The week I went to the doctor's he dumped me for somebody else.
By the time I had been examined by the doctor and told that there was nothing wrong with me, it was too late to throw that information in his face. I had to see a counsellor afterwards because I was so traumatised and angry. It's made me afraid, and unwilling to trust in future relationships. My mum was angry because she felt as though she could've protected me from him. I couldn't have got through without her support. Even now I have moments of anger and trauma.
The worst part of it is not being able to tell anyone. I wish I could shame him and tell everyone about his dysfunction and how it made him abusive, but I'm better than that.
My advice is to get out of a relationship the moment you feel threatened, or that you can't trust somebody.
My biggest regret is not recognising it and ending it myself. He may not have been physically able to force me into sex because of his dysfunction, but the psychological abuse and pressure to do things I wasn't comfortable with will haunt me forever.
Anon - 18/03/2012
Hi Anon,
Thanks for sharing your story. We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. It took courage to reach out and speak to someone with experience in dealing with these types of situations.
It is common for victims of rape and abusive sexual situations to focus blame on themselves but this way of thinking is false. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
lilly
17/03/2012
i was 15 and he was 16. we both loved each other, he was so sweet and wonderful, and didnt pressurise me into anything, and kept on saying that he doesnt mind if i wasnt ready yet. one night my mother took an unexpected illness and was rushed to hospital. i was homeless and had no money, so my boyfriends mum took me in straight away. i spent about 3 happy weeks at his house, we even slept in the same bed, but just cuddled, nothing else. then one friday night his mates came round, ready to go out clubbing. they asked me if i wanted to join them, but i was tired and decied not to. i was well asleep when the lot of them staggered in, drunk. i was woken up to five 17/18 yr olds all groping me, trying to undress me. i screamed for my boyfriend, but he was unconscious on the floor surrounded by a pool of blood. that night five men raped me, and made me do things, and killed my true love. it took me ten years to get over this.
Replylilly - 17/03/2012
that is terrible. no one can begin to imagine what you went through i hope beyond hope you caught the cretins that did it. you are a role model to everyone xxxxx
bells - 31/03/2012
you are a role model, stay strong! xxxxxxx
caitlin - 23/03/2012
I am so sorry to what happen to you, wishing you courage and strength.
vicky - 21/03/2012
It's so terrible what happened to you, it pains me to think of anyone going through such trauma, i would never wish it on anyone. By the sounds of it your boyfriend had a heart of gold and it is lovely how he was willing to wait for you. The men that did this to you are scum and i hope they get their karma.
if it still bothers you or if you have problems sleeping because of it then i would reccomend seeing a doctor and finding out if you could get some melatonin prescribed. i have it to help me sleep and it works really well. R.I.P to your boyfriend and i wish you a very happy future. it was brave of you to share this so publicly. x
anon - 21/03/2012
Im soo sorry for what happened to you may your boyfriend go to heaven and r.i.p god bless you for being soo strong :) xxxx <3
alisha - 18/03/2012
anonymous
17/03/2012
this abuse is terrible, much worse to what i suffered, if you think of it that way.
Replyanonymous - 17/03/2012
Anonymous
17/03/2012
I know most people would think this but if anyone were to treat me or my friends that way there is no way I would stand for it
ReplyAnonymous - 17/03/2012
I don't think that is accurate, every person tells themself that before they're in an abusive relationship, I have never been in one personally but I also wouldn't know how I would react or what I would do in that situation.
L.A. - 21/03/2012
Emma
17/03/2012
Reading through these stories, makes me feel sick inside to know that boys/men, would do such a thing.
Replytrying to call a girl fridged, is making you look like the pathetic one, having to abuse a girl to get what you want.
i have a friend who was raped, and it was that long ago, it was in august of last year, i know i have no right to talk about it, but hearing that she was raped, made me feel sick inside, she has only just got over the situation and is still finding it hard to trust boys, she fell in to slight moods where one minute she will be fine, and the next she will be crying, she was drinking herself silly to get rid of the pain, all of her friends tried our best to get her out there, and to find someone who she could trust. it took her awhile to leave the house, as well as to let go of the drink. But im glad that she has got over it, and is now in a relationship with someone she trusts.
these videos are very touching, and it is always nice to know that there are people out there for you, when this situation come
Emma - 17/03/2012
David,
Thank you for your input on equality but feminists and equality are in no way to blame. Society does not encourage girls to be promiscuous or anything alike. In my opinion abuse has happened for a long time, from and to both men and women and is not prevented by single sex schooling.
The case which is probably most common with teenage abuse is when both male and female are not aware it is classed as abuse. For example my own case when I was only 14 years of age and I had sex with a 16 year old. I was no where near ready but really liked him and he said we could be together if we had sex. Although I was uncomfortable with the situation I had not realised it was abuse. Both of us were brought up well and neither of us had any sort of punishment in school because we were both well behaved so how would corporate punishment have prevented this. I agree what else is commented, corporate punishment only allows violence.
There is nothing we can do to prevent abuse, we can only make people more aware so they know they are actually being abused and that what is happening to them is not right.
Outraged - 20/03/2012
David
I would just like to point out that by saying that corporal punishment should be reintroduced, you are condoning the use of violence. This will not in any way solve the problem of sexual abuse and if anything will intensify it. You are preaching a concept f hate and unnecessary violence that does not help anyone.
P.S this was written by a 15 year old, so get out of your little bubble of wonder with your own intelligence there.
P.P.S Males reach sexual maturity no later than about 19,so wrong again i'm afraid
Cameron - 19/03/2012
We are grooming a bunch of irresponsible young lads who have no use of women except for sex!
The media, the internet and the State have taken out all parental authorities from parents and guardians; schools allow bullying and sexual harrassments to go unheeded since they have no mechanisms in place to stop them. Unlike the real world where you can at least report an assault to the police, in school premises reporting to the establishment aggravates your status as a target of aggression. Furthermore all the bullyers get is only a warning! And they'll make sure you don't open your mouth next time!
The media pushes girls to be overt sexually and our boys expect them to be so! Being a virgin is a to be a criminal! I believe the word is *frigid*. Thanks to feminists sex for recreational pleasure is a woman's rights (I should say obligations!) and pregnancy has become entirely HER responsibility or "irresponsibility" as it is now known! Pregnancy and menstruation have always been an obstacle to prevent a woman to be more productive sexually or to "be more equal to men" - to put it bluntly in feminist terminology; hence the necessity of the *pill* to regulate her periods and if necessary to stop it altogether, like it does for ovulation and a myriad of other female so-called "ailments". Men on the other hand have been discharged of all responsibilities towards women under the banner of equality and have been taught that the chivalric codes is demeaning and abashing to women, upholding them makes you macho and sexist - a position still uphold by mainstream feminism! Thanks to feminists a man today doesn't need a woman to cook, sew, prepare, wash etc because all his domestic needs is taken care of by the capitalist society and if he should expect such treatments he would be a mysogynist; consequently all he needs a woman for is for sex! As if breaking down our social norms weren't enough, now they are telling us that the "family" is a myth anyway - it never truly existed! That's the price for equality and civilisation.
Personally I think co-educational school is a big mistake, it dumbs down gender differences, assuming the genders develop at the same rate and are inherently equal when empirically this is not the case at all. There is no doubt this position is detrimental to women although everybody will surely disagree with this. Corporeal punishment should never have been abolished at school and in private, at least not for boys [in school context]. Boys are still quite immature psychologically and sexually as old as 19 yrs old and truly achieve sexual maturity at around 25 (almost 10+ yrs later than girls!); unfortunately under the rule of equality everything have to be rationalised and equalised between the gender even if biology disagrees!
David - 18/03/2012
tania
16/03/2012
i was 15 he was 19 i was at his flat watching a movie he wanted sex he shouted and hit we draged me into his shower and made me do things then he locked me in his bedroom while he drank with mates i escaped down the window and ran
Replytania - 16/03/2012
lucy
16/03/2012
i was 12 and was round a family friends house their son was looking after me whilst our parents went out, he was 19 and i had no idea about most things to do with sex but he told me it was normal and what grown ups did. I used to be a quiet and i studied hard to get good results but after that i went off the rails, i went on drugs took most things and drank alot! I tried to kill myself at 14 thats when my parents knew i was upset but they still dont know what happened. When i was 15 i fell pregnant after dating a guy from my school for 2 weeks but i believe it was a blessing in disguise! I cleaned myself up took pride in what i look like, got off the drugs and drink. But i have always had trust issues with men, i recently got out of a 3 year relationship with a guy who was very agressive and he even hit me when i was pregnent with my second child just after she was born i left as i didnt want my children growing up thinking it was ok for a man to hit a woman. i have depression but im starting to see there is light at the end of the tunnel, it was a traumatic experience to got through when i was 12 and i wish i had told someone to get help sooner, i find myself having young girls come to talk to me to ask about things when they need advice and i hopefully want to get a job helping young people who have been abused. Im getting my confidence back, ive got in touch with old school friends which one of them who went through a similar experience i talk to nearly everyday!! I still have my down days but my children keep me going, if anyone out there isnt sure or dont want to do anything say NO!! and stick by it dont give in or feel pressured if they cared about you they will respect your wishes. My childrenare now 6 and 1 and ive just turned 22.
Replylucy - 16/03/2012
Reece
15/03/2012
reading through all these stories i feel disgusted by the amount of boys that hurt girls in a relationship. im a 17 year old guy and have been in a long term relationship and i would never even dream of doing any of this to my girlfreind or anyone else the only advice i can give to all the girls out there is that the right guy will come along one day but you gotta try and be as strong as you can and just know that someones gonna come along one day and love you for who you are
ReplyReece - 15/03/2012
NoName
15/03/2012
Please Speak Out Boys And Girls Because This Is Not Right I Had This Boyfriend Who Would Slag Me Of To His Mates He Would Call Me Dirty But When We Would Talk Online He Would Just Say Sorry And That He Loved Me. I Never Belived Him But I Was Scared To Break Up With Him. :(
ReplyNoName - 15/03/2012
Scarlet
15/03/2012
i was controlled and physically abused for 10 months by someone 2 years older than me. I was 15, he was 17, he pressured me into sex by telling me i would only make him happy if i gave him what he wanted and i knew what would happen if i didnt make him happy. Life was hard and i had to cope with it myself, i had noone to turn to. I had severe depression. Everyday i felt like i had to sleep with one eye open. He was violent and aggressive and i was so scared. I felt like i couldnt go to my family or friends, he completely took me away from everyone at school. I never felt so isolated in my life. It wasn't until i finally thought i really dont deserve this that i started to take action. I saw the video about rape and i just cried my eyes out. All along he made me think the way he was treating me was normal and telling me how he wasnt punishing me half as bad as what every other guy would. He made me think it was the way we lived. If i didn't do what he said when he said it i knew what i would be getting. After seeing this campaign i finally stood up for myself, it involved the last massive beating but i was out of it. I recorded it in my pocked on my phone and showed it to him as i left and said if he ever tried to come after me i would take it to the police. I felt so weak that day but now i look back and think how much strength that took me and how proud i am of myself for doing it. He has made me a vunerable scared girl now nearly 17 and i still am frightened. I havent been able to be close to a guy. This guy tried kissing me and i went home and cried because i was so scared. I know he isnt my ex but in my head all i could think about was my ex and having to go through all of that again. I still have depression and have councilling but it will never disappear. It will always be there in the back of my head. He screwed me up so much x
ReplyScarlet - 15/03/2012
i too have been abused when i was 5 years old i remember my dad would come to my room when my mum was sleeping and tell me to take my pyjamas of if i didnt he would take it of me on purpose and he would rape me
i was young then and he would call me dirty names like daddy's little slut.
didnt know what he was doing but that was one of the worst pains i felt through my childhood he would do this about twice everyday and to scare me after he finished he would say if you tell anyone i'll kill your mother
and the worst thing is he actually did kill my mum because i told my best friend
i still remember the pain i had to go through
and that has left me traumatized since then and i can never let go of the amount of pain he made me go through by raping me and killing the only women i loved my mum
i'm greatly sorry for the pain you went through and i hope uyou can forget it one day i am now 15 and am hoping to start a new life
xxxxxxxxxx
preatisha - 22/03/2012
chloe
15/03/2012
i was in a 6 month relationship with a 19 yr old boy i was 14 at the time i am now 16, he always controlled me made me feel hopless got me beaten up by his mates.. i never wanted sex i was 14 but he wanted it and he always came before me, i got put down called a sket a slag a dirty rat....... all the time he cheated on me and came back to me all the time just to get some sex off me, i hated my self and went into depression and anxiety, my life went down hill and i became agressive... i got out when i could and 6 more months down the line i met a lad who i knew since i was little and we got together, i have been with him for a year and 3 months now, and i have totally ruined it because of my ex i am now insacure possesive i have got paranora and i have lack of trust, i am going threw a hell of a lot of help to controll myself but situations keep getting worse, if any one has any advice for me to help me then that will be great..... i am not proud of myself and quit frankly i hate myself for who i have become.. who knew that one relationship could do this to people
Reply:( xxxxxxx
chloe - 15/03/2012
well i had the same problem as you but kinda different this guy that loves me wanted to have sex with me but then i said to him no i don't want to have sex with you because i don't want to be a non- virgin (am 14and he's 14) i like him to but i can't do this to my self or trying to be known as a sket or a slut
noname - 16/03/2012
Hi Chloe, thankyou for posting.
We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. Even though this may have happened some time ago, it is important that you try to speak to someone about this if you can.
Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
aaliyah
15/03/2012
My boyfriend does this kind of thing to me and it took a considerable amount of time before i realised its abuse.. I dont want it to end because hes a good guy in every other way and its probably just because i cant stand up for myself and he takes advantage of that, hes a really angry person and he puts me down constantly, slaps me, tells me to shut up .. etc but i never now how to react to show him he cant do that to me, i dont know what to say, i know its best to leave him but i just want to at least try, and see if the situation improves, how could i be assertive and stop him being completely dominant in the relationship?
Replyaaliyah - 15/03/2012
hey dont let him get you down you cant let him win all the time. i put up with this us girls are strong but dont take this the wrong way dont be like him just stay cool.
ashleigh - 15/03/2012
Hi aaliyah,
Thank you for posting.
If you are suffering from emotional abuse, which can include someone putting you down, or calling you nasty names, trying to control you and stopping you doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do, try and find someone you trust to talk to.
This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and you feel you can trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call Women’s Aid on 0808 2000 247 (phone line run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) or email them on helpline@womensaid.org.uk
Anonymous
14/03/2012
I was 13 and really naive when a 16 year old boy asked me out. I said just to make him happy, I didn't know any better. A couple of weeks after I turned 14 I was round his house expecting to just hang out with him, but after we'd been kissing a bit he undressed himself. I was horrified but I just did what he said. This was my first sexual experience and it was terrifying. He made me undress but only so he could look at me and make me do stuff to him. I felt dirty and disgusting, but I stayed in the relationship for two years afterwards, I didn't know what he didn't wasn't fair to me, I thought every bad feeling I had about him was my fault. I never enjoyed anything with him because he just made me do stuff to him or made me strip for him while he watched. He also made me send him nudes every night and have phone sex with him, I didn't want to do any of it but I wasn't allowed to tell anyone so no one knew. No one could stop me. I did everything out of fear. All of this while I was underage. He made me feel like a whore.
ReplyAnonymous - 14/03/2012
Sarah
12/03/2012
I was staying round my cousin's house for the night & him & his friends went out raving, I was sleeping by the time he came back.. I woke up to best friend forcing his self on me I said to get off but he didnt. After it happened.. I felt disgusting/ hurt/ cold / speechless. I wanted to wait until I was married to lose my virginity & feel special.. Its taken me nearly five years to finally get over it. I was 17 2 weeks away from being 18 he was like 22/23.
ReplySarah - 12/03/2012
Alyss
11/03/2012
I was 15, he was 19. We weren't together, but we had some history. I went round his one day and one thing led to another...I didn't really want to I thought my first time should be something more, but he convinced me pleaded with me told me he was mad about me and that if I really liked him I would do it, so I did. He never bothered speaking to me again after that.People might think I could of easily said no but I really really liked this guy and I thought maybe if I did this then maybe he'd want to stick around...It doesnt always have to be physical force to hurt you. People need to realise that. I hope this advert will make some people see...
ReplyAlyss - 11/03/2012
Thanks.. I almost did this too... We didnt do it but we were close to it. I never realised it was abuse but especially now that I read ur comment it really made me think of my situation n that I've gotta be a lot more careful. Just thanks..
Anonymous - 13/03/2012
Annie
11/03/2012
People should be ashamed when they even think of pressuring their partner into sex. Though I doubt that any of them would think. It should be a law that you should 'think before you act!' and not the other way round...
ReplyAnnie - 11/03/2012
Ciara
10/03/2012
The worst thing I've been through was when my ex-boyfriend, who was almost always violent or angry, said that he wanted to have sex. I said I wasn't sure but he told me that he loved me and that if I loved him then I'd do it. So we did the usual thing and were kissing on the bed, and I realised that I didn't want to, but he said that we were half way through it and called me stupid and other things. He held my wrists down and got on top of me and did it, he knew I was crying and that I didn't want to but I think when he was telling me half way through that it was nice he was also trying to convince himself. When I got home I couldn't even look in the mirror, I felt so disgusting.
ReplyCiara - 10/03/2012
Sarah
05/03/2012
I do find some of these clips unrealistic, but it has a good message. Im 17 and came out of an abusive relationship about 8 months ago and it really does show how easy it is to slip into a bad relationship, sometimes without you even noticing. Within months i had gone from a happy, lively teenager to losing all my friendsand becoming completely alone. Its more than just physical and sexual (although that was part of it), mental abuse can be just as damaging to a person. Since then it has effected any kind of relationship I have had, trust and rejection are a constant fear. I do think that you need to show that it isnt just boys though. I often found myself lashing out or playing along with my ex's mind games in order to gain some power in the relationship once I started seeing things going wrong. This is also abuse, and girls need to understand that too. The best thing to do is to walk away, and i wish I would have learnt sooner.
ReplySarah - 05/03/2012
lucy 101
05/03/2012
This has happened to me I thought that because we were in a relationship if he carried on even if i said no it wasnt rape.. i guess i was wrong. This happened a few times and when i cried he would get fustrated at me and shout at me saying i had made him do it. He hit me a few times n even though we were using protection he would punch my stomach every now and again to make sure if i was preganant i wouldnt be for long.. Im glad im with someone now that cares with me and he is out of the picture.
Replylucy 101 - 05/03/2012
i will always remember that day in east born park i was 10 years of age and now i am 13 ... i was draged of into the bushes next thing i knew i was been striped naked and he was 23 or24 my life has been a wreack scince
lauren - 31/03/2012
XXX
04/03/2012
What a fantastic site, with good information
ReplyThis happened to me, twice, when I was in my late teens (you'd think I'd have known better). The 1st time, it was controlling, a slap if i said something, put down's, etc etc. The second time it was sexual and emotional abuse; sheer control over my life. 12 years on I am in a proper, respectful and caring relationship, and all though I have moved on, I find myself constantly checking what i'm doing, asking permission to do basic things. I work in the police, so see a lot of this on a regular basis.
You're right, it isn't just the boys though.
If you are in this situation get help, it took a long time for me to rebuild my confidence and move on, but you will do it.
XXX - 04/03/2012
Lewis
25/12/2011
It makes me sick knowing situations like this actually happen, and I don't understand how any guy could do things like this - especially to someone they 'love'?!
ReplyBut one more thing, why are all these videos about the man abusing the woman? Aha...
Lewis - 25/12/2011
i agree, it is not always a one sided thing. i myself have been in a abusive relationship so i know that some boys are like the ones in the clips but one of my best friends (who is male) was forced into things be a girl.
emily - 16/03/2012
Jasz
23/12/2011
They should do child abuse adverts like this. I got child abused. I'm still a child. I wouldn't stand for it. But then again it's not always men is it.
ReplyJasz - 23/12/2011
Angel
22/12/2011
Abuse is wrong and no one needs to put up with it... No one deserves to be treated that way
ReplyAngel - 22/12/2011
James
19/12/2011
No one should have the right to take control of they're partner. You should be thoughtful what you do if it affects or involves your partner
ReplyIf I had one I would respect her dearly I wouldn't want my partner crying,upset,bullied neither should you!
James - 19/12/2011
influetnial
18/12/2011
why do these ads always show boys abusing girls- girls can be just as bad as boys if not worse.
Replyinfluetnial - 18/12/2011
i definitely agree, but it is statistically more likely for boys to do this to girls x
Rose - 07/04/2012
????
17/12/2011
The fact that there is still abuse is disgusting. I thought there was more sense in the modern people these days. Anyone who abuses someone is sick minded and a horrible person.
Reply???? - 17/12/2011
I was in an abusive relationship, and one of the hardest parts for me was that the bloke wasn't a sick-minded or horrible person. He was screwed up and hurting, but not by any fault of his own. He had a really hard time at home (his dad was really demanding and occasionally abusive, and his mum was completely checked out) and he had a really hard time dealing with his friends. He was controlling me, and hurting me, because I was something he could control, and he was scared that I would hurt him first. That's the reason I stayed in as long as I did; I didn't want to be yet another person who had hurt him.
Don't think that I'm defending anything he did; he was awful to me and I knew it wasn't right. I knew I deserved better, and eventually I knew it good enough to get out. I hope I never see him again. I know now that I didn't do anything wrong; he was the abusive one, but I'm still struggling with an anxiety disorder related to intimacy because of it. The point I wanted to make is that it's not always as simple as "he's the bad guy, she's the victim." It's almost always more complicated than that.
Jamie - 07/03/2012
flora
13/12/2011
i think its sick the way people treat people at times
Replyflora - 13/12/2011
tonia96
13/12/2011
i must say i agree on what the boys have been saying and its not that i dont understand what it is like to be in abusive relationship but after the final punch and push into a wall i got up and i left him. but girls can be just as bad as boys my ex friend started bashing her boyfriend around now i dont no the whole story but i would constantly see her put him down one time she smashed him over the back with a metal pole i thought maybe it was cuz he had abused her but i asked her and she just said no he just annoys me and i get bored.. he finally left her but the reason i fell out with her was because she got with my ex abusive boyfriend and i tried warning her but she didnt listen.. i do worry about them seeing as they both have abusive ways maybe she will stop and think next time all im saying is this is a really good site but maybe you should make or find a video with the girl be abusive to the boy because the way this is set out it seems very sexist and im a girl and i can see that... :)
Replytonia96 - 13/12/2011
....
06/12/2011
about a year ago i was round my mates new boyfriends mates house with my mate and we was all having a laugh and that and they was trying to get us to sleep i didn't want to but my mate convinced me to i fell asleep on the bed with my mate next to me i woke up in the middle of the night and he was on top of me having sex with me i said what are you doing get off and he just carried on he didn't use any protection i told im to stop it and tried pushing him off me but he wasn't having any of it my mate had left me there and gone with her boyfriend and i didn't even know where i was i still think about it now its scared me or a long time
Reply.... - 06/12/2011
Hi. Thank you for your post. Try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
Blank
05/12/2011
Good advice is when you know what you are doing and when you treat the person with respect. Don't go overboard. You want a girl/boyfriend? At your age? It's alright to have one, two, as much as you want! So long as your careful and you don't suffer and most importantly, you find that one special person...
ReplyBlank - 05/12/2011
InNeedOfHelp
03/12/2011
Im 14, and me and my boyfriend (15) went out and he had had a couple of drinks. We went back to his house and we were snogging for ages. Then he started to take my clothes off and I was struggling and yelling at him to leave me alone but he wouldn't. He ended up forcing me into sex...It wasn't that long ago and I'm scared he will do it again...
ReplyInNeedOfHelp - 03/12/2011
Hi Inneedof help. Thank you for posting, it is important that you try to speak to someone about this, it could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
jade
02/12/2011
i would agree with u jake i know i am a girl but i wouldnt like to be one off them girls im only 17 and i am single and i would be like to stay that way thank god lol x x
Replyjade - 02/12/2011