Takeaway
Is insulting and threatening a partner abuse?
Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?
Is insulting and threatening a partner abuse?
Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?
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Meg
09/04/2012
I have never been raped, but hearing the stories about it, makes me feel ill, i feel sorry for all of you and encourage you to speak out!
Replyhowever I have had someone force themselves onto me, in a park it was dark, and he kept kissing me, he held my hands around a pole and wouldn't let me go, i dont think this is classed as rape but i was nervous and didn't get with anyone for over a year, i had a phobia of everyone touching me, but now thats all changed:) my new boyfriend and I are so happy, he is always there for me, and he says he would never treat me like that, a word of advice girls, it gets worse before it gets better, speak out please, it does help!
Meg - 09/04/2012
Rose
07/04/2012
I just don't understand how this can happen. I feel terrible for the girls who have had to go through this, and the concept of rape terrifies me. How easily things can get out of hand...it makes me feel sick. But i also get that boys who do this to their girlfriends might not actually be bad people. Some of them probably don't understand, or have been brought up to think that they are superior, or whatever. I'm fourteen, and i think that it is so important for campaigns like this one - that tell young people, boys and girls, about rape - to run.
ReplyRose - 07/04/2012
colten hampson
07/04/2012
i have kind of suffered a similar thing because a rummer went round i raped a girl when im not like that i find rape and abuse disgusting and in my honest opinion i could never bring my self to do it am just not that type of person but know i cant leave me house with out being called a paedophile or rapist or getting jumped what can i do to escape this ??
Replycolten hampson - 07/04/2012
Hi Colten
You haven’t said whether you’re still at school or college, but if so, try and discuss it with a teacher or someone else there you trust. They will be able to take action to help keep you safe.
You can also talk it through in detail by calling ChildLine on 0800 1111 or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
You can also contact Beat Bullying on www.beatbullying.org who provide advice to help young people who are being bullied either face to face or online.
amy
06/04/2012
I have been in two long term relationships and they have both been controlling i wish that these videos were more advertised when i was a teen as i would have been much more aware that it wasn't normal for a relationship to be like that. For anyone who is in a new relationship like this please get out of it and live your life as you are only young once and make the most of it. Personally i have found it is harder to rebuild my life now i am older xxx
Replyamy - 06/04/2012
R
05/04/2012
I've never actually told anyone as I'm so ashamed, only my very very close friends know, but they were not supposed to know either, it came out accidently. My parents don't even know. I was raped by my at-the-time boyfriend in 2010 i was with him for nearly a year. He raped me 7 months into our relationship. I regret him so much! We did plan on having sex about 2 months before, but i was nervous. I guess he got impatient. I did speak to my Mum about going on the pill but because this was totally unexpected he didn't give me a chance to speak to my mum or go to the doctors. I wanted it to be special cos it would have been my first time. We were in my house on our own, he forced himself on me and kept saying 'Only for a minute'. Those words still spin in my head everyday. He was so possessive! He would check my phone for texts and any texts from boy mates he would accuse me of cheating on him. I never spent time with my friends. Thankfully they stuck by me all the way their the best, most supportive friends ever, and i love them all so much! I am a strong person and I've got over it on my own. I now have the most amazing boyfriend who i trust 100%! He does know about what happened and he does respect me a lot and I love him for it. I do still suffer a tiny bit with trust issues when it comes to sex. I often wonder to myself if he's only with me for sex aswell? But i also keep these thoughts to myself. I didn't lose my virginity to my ex, he stole it from me. I now have lost it to my boyfriend (in my mind anyway) but really it was taken from me and i'll never get it back. I just think people who are suffering should definitely speak out and talk to someone. Don't suffer in silence as it's not your fault:)
ReplyR - 05/04/2012
rose
05/04/2012
These aren't just pointed out for boys but also to help girls. I'm only sixteen and the day after my birthday i got raped. told a friend as she started going out with him but she accused me of lying, it went around my whole school and then got kicked out for my own safety. I've recently started going back for exams however, no day comes without a punch or two. I don't see why i spoke out about it in the first place now. The police do nothing but push you away and now all i get is death threats and him claiming he's going to do it again because i told. Again, again and again. Where do i go from here? I can't face to talk about it. This is the first move i've made after almost 6 months. :'(
Replyrose - 05/04/2012
rose i also got raped i dont think anyone wo hasnt been through it could possible understand i had the same situation all my friends didnt belive me and i am leftto cope on my own, i didnt get to do my school exams or anythin hes ruined my life
anom - 06/04/2012
Hi Rose
Thank you for your post and I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time about traumatic incidents from your past.
It is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.
Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
Rich
04/04/2012
Reading through these stories is making me feel sick. I fail to understand how boys can treat a girl so badly. I'm 16 and just started going out with my first girl and all I want is for her to be happy, nothing else is important.
ReplyRich - 04/04/2012
^^ this is they way a real man is, A real man dosnt rape a girl ! A real Man Protects her. x
lolly! - 08/04/2012
awww this is how men/boys should be, I also find it sickening that people do theses things. I'm glad there is at least one man out there who cares for womens feelings, and doesn't just want to get into their pants.:D
Holly - 08/04/2012
Millie
04/04/2012
My best friend told me that her boyfriend shoved her on the bed and got on top of her and he wouldn't let her get up by pinning her hands on the bed. What do i do, and how i can i help her?
ReplyMillie - 04/04/2012
Hi Millie
Thank you for posting and asking for help for your friend.
If you think you have spotted some of the warning signs of abuse in your friend's relationship or they have told you about sexual assualt or rape that has occured, they may need professional help. They may also need your encouragement and support to help to stop it.
Tell your friend you are worried about them and let them know that the abuse is not their fault, it’s unacceptable and that support is available.
It can be useful to think up a code word that they can use on the phone to let you know they need help. Don't ignore the issue if you think it is happening. When you try to talk to them, try not to make them feel judged as it takes courage to admit abuse. Encourage them to talk to a trusted adult, and if their partner has been violent or forced them to have sex, encourage them to talk to the police. You shouldn’t confront their partner on your own and neither should your friend.
If your friend wants to speak to someone in confidence encourage them to contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) or Childline on 0800 11 11 they can also go to www.childline.org.uk where you they can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
kealeigh
02/04/2012
hiya
Replyi have a bf who batters me everyday and if it aint that he strangles me. if i dont give him sex hes gets on top off me and trys to do it tht way.he has made me lose our unborn child and he is blaming me all the time i dont know what to do if i phone the police he shouts at me or even pushes me down the stairs i cant take it anymore can someone give me some advice please
kealeigh - 02/04/2012
I think u need to phone the police possibly when he is not around the sooner it get to the police he will be out of your way and u will have no more harm and pain
SHONA - 05/04/2012
hi,
i really feel sorry for you. i know people might just say that but i do actully mean it. it must be hard in your situation. and loosing your unborn child is a diffrent matter altogether. maybe if you've got a few hours where hes out then you could see a counciler. dont be afraid if they tell the police, because if the police do find out its not like they are going to let u be in more danger. they have this thing in the system called whitness protection, im sure that might aply to vunrable victims like you aswell. just take each day at a time. you dont have to contact the police or even a counciler right now, but if it does get worse i woud advise you too, even if you love him, he obisoly dosent love you, as horrible as it sounds! hope things get better<3 sorry if my advice isnt that good xxxx
jade minnie - 04/04/2012
what you need to do if get away... somehow (i do not know you so i can't give more help ) and get to the police... rape + assault = jail
the helper - 04/04/2012
you are literally experiencing every type of abuse. If you go to work or school or something - some time where you have an excuse to get away from him - go to the nearest police station, show them your injuries and ask for protection. They should be able to keep you safe and get him locked up. You might want to take pictures of your injuries to use as evidence in court. Try and tell somebody close who can help you and once your safe, get in contact with one of the organisations which will support you they will give you counselling. I'm no expert but I think you have a chance of getting out of this, good luck!
Anonymous - 02/04/2012
Hi Kealeigh
Thank you for posting on this site and having the courage to share.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this is never your fault. Also, there when it happened in the past, there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999
jack of spades 2
01/04/2012
these clip's are very inportiant as most lad's exspect tings off there partners, before they are ready, but what they dont understand is the being is a relationship is about trust, love, a bond between to people, respect. . . an then at a later stage phyisical relation ship but only when both partners are 100% sure that they are ready, any doubt then you souldn't an always use protecting . That is my opinion on these clips and about relationships
Replyjack of spades 2 - 01/04/2012
spoken like a true and understanding person :)
i give you thumbs up
helping hand - 04/04/2012
minee
01/04/2012
this campaign changed lot of lives but there is still abuse going on and people are too scared to stand up for them selves. i was been bullied at school but things change over time till i was in year 10 ! since yr 7 i was been bullied and it was really hard to take. i didn't know english so people was just mean to me even people from my own country ! i was crying every day when i got home and my mum was worried she even spoke to one of the person who was bullying me but she hated me more ! there was no reason that she was been mean or wasn't talking to me at all its just silly ! once in my tutor they pulled my chair out while i was about to sit ;( ! there are lot of people who abuse and bully its awful they need to stop !!
Replyminee - 01/04/2012
i no how u feel cos my litle sista was bullied frm de age of 7 til no and no shes 12. shes becom a stronga person an sometimes when i see her getin bullied i do defend her but wheneva i wana comfort her about it she bursts out cryin an we sleep in a bunk, me at da top and her at da bottom a every night cos i'm a light sleeper i hear her sniffs and silent cries and sometimes she even has night mares about someone bullyin her. i no she has'nt been raped but wat can i do 4 her, shes my fave sis and i dont know how 2 help her. can someone plz plz plz help???
sweetcelebreteen - 15/04/2012
Hi Minee
Thanks for your comments. If you're still being bullied you can contact Beat Bullying on www.beatbullying.org who provide advice to help young people who are being bullied either face to face or online.
Soph
01/04/2012
I know that most rape and abuse is from boys against girls, but I am sure some guys have suffered prussure and abuse from their girlfriends/partners. Should this be reflected in this ad campaign?
ReplySoph - 01/04/2012
I agree, I also think there should be something in the campaign that reflects gay relationships because guys can be the victims of rape too.
Anonymous - 02/04/2012
Hi Soph
You're right, both men and women can be victims of abuse. We work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse, which you can view by clicking on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
Help for male and female victims of abuse can be found in Your Questions.
Anonimous
31/03/2012
I have been raped in the past its NOT pleasant I just wish these people could see what they were doing and STOP
ReplyAnonimous - 31/03/2012
bells
31/03/2012
some people dont understand that what they are doing is wrong. being a monster wont make people respect you. what others say stand up for yourself that can be hard! no body but you can really make yourself understand how to stop things. be strong and stand up for what you want. i respect everyone who has been through this
Replybells - 31/03/2012
Megan Dawson
30/03/2012
I'm still quit young but i still think its very wrong and i don't want to be abused but i just want to say to people who have been don't let abuse keep your hopes down on people because not all people are like that <3
ReplyMegan Dawson - 30/03/2012