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This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

Takeaway

Is insulting and threatening a partner abuse?

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape
  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical
  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Controlling Behaviour
  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP
  • Mandem On The Wall
  • Twist and Pulse
  • Charlie McDonnell
  • Bedroom
  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Sam & Alice
  • If you could see yourself
  • Zoe's story
  • Party
  • School

Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?

what do you think? share your opinions

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An expert from Young People’s Services – AVA – is reading and responding to posts on the site, to ensure that responses are independent, sensitive and helpful.

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Results: 90 - 105 of 170

  • James

    12/04/2012

    sorry but I cant help but notice that there is no mention of the, very very few but still existing, cases of a girl controlling a guy: verbal and psychological abuse. even a single video dedicated to this would make the whole campaign far more open to other sects of the adolescent population. female to male abuse might be rare, but it does happen. And its just as ferocious and soul destroying and male to female.

    Reply

    James - 12/04/2012

    • Very very few? It happens a lot more than you might think

      Walter - 29/04/2012

  • alex

    12/04/2012

    awww mate if i say some bloke abusing some lass id *up 4 different ways before sundown the sad thing * like this goes on all the time but know one hears about because the woman are too afried to speak out at lest this is giveing not only blokes but woman as well that their is no excuse for this type of behavoiur sorry for the swearing

    Reply

    alex - 12/04/2012

  • Valerie

    12/04/2012

    I think all of these videos are totally relevant and I completely support this campaign - I think it's brilliant, however; I don't think that the guys should be made out to be the bad people in every situation. I don't doubt that in the majority of cases it is the male participant who is being abusive, however girls abusing their boyfriends or partners is a lot more common than you would think. In these cases it isn't usually to do with sex, but girls can often me a lot more devious and controlling than boys, which leads to a lot of emotional - if not physical - damage to these guys. I think more videos should be put up to demonstrate this because what is currently here - although fantastic - is quite sexist and stereotypical. *I am a girl by the way, but I have a male friend who has been through something similar to what I am describing.*

    Reply

    Valerie - 12/04/2012

  • kitty

    12/04/2012

    I had a best girlfriend which I grew up.
    15 we went to different schools and then she came to false friends and drugs.
    one day i want to visit her. at her home i saw a girl and her boyfriend. The girl was known as a bully and her boyfriend as dealer. my best friends partens were not home... they locked the door and the bully girl holding a knife on my neck. then she said: if you do not sleep with my boyfriend i kill you. my best girlfriend just sat in a corner and has watched. they dont let me go after this. I had to stay overnight. The girl said you slept with my boyfriend. if you fall asleep, I'll cut your hair off and put glue on the rest. i dont sleep. next day my best friends parents came at home and i run home. I told everything to my mother
    because my mother hated me, but,
    she do not believe me
    The criminals were never forced to be accountable. sorry for my bad english im from germany

    Reply

    kitty - 12/04/2012

    • if your bestfriend has changed that much and become friends with these sort of people then she must be in some sort of trouble. if you can text her but if they are trying to force you to do those sort of things there is something wrong with them.

      Alex Wright - 27/04/2012

  • C

    11/04/2012

    When I was at age 9 my father started to hit me justifying " I had to start to work. For smaller reasons, like "be slow to do the dishes", It took many years before I went to the judge. I came from a violent family and my grandpa was drunk all wekeends, while he crash and hit who tries to stop him. It last for many years and when I was going to university my father forced a kiss inside of the university, in front of everyone, while I screamed and tried to get them away. He grabbed my legs too. I never could hug him again. My family say he have religious rights to do it because he´s father and man. I fell like a muslin daughter

    Reply

    C - 11/04/2012

    • He doesnt have that right regardless of whom he may be

      I'm a Muslim to and nowhere does it.say in the holy book a daughter can be treated however x

      nana - 31/12/2012

  • Vicky

    11/04/2012

    This is an absolutley brilliant campaign and its good that abusive relationships in teenagers has been brought into the public eye, hoever I have yet to see anything about boys being the victim yet. I do feel this should be rectified as a girl can be just as controlling and mentally and emotionally abusive as any boy.

    Reply

    Vicky - 11/04/2012

  • Rosie

    09/04/2012

    When i was 16 i thought i had met the greatest man in the world, we loved each other and nothing could change that. a year and 5 months went and we went to seperate colleges and we split as we were arguing so much. we then decided to date again and he got talking to my ex before him. i thought nothing of it and carried on like nothing had happened, then one day he turns around and says he cant do it anymore and dumped me again, i was destrought but i still went to college. the same day i was walking home and decided to walk across the field behind my house. i saw a dark figure in the distance so i decided to walk across another part of the field and head towards my house but there was yet another person, i then looked around and in the distance there was around 12 men walkin towards me, i paniked and started to run but before i could go anywhere one of them grabs my hair and pulls me down to the floor, they each take there turns insurting into me but was told they would kill me and my ex who i still cared about. a week later i talk to my ex before the one who broke up with me, nd he asked me if i had fun in the field, it didnt click but then i realised it was him and his friends who raped me, he told me that it was him who told my boyfriend to break up with me, i rang the police and he was arreseted. 1 year later i am now in a new relationship and i couldnt b happier and so is my ex boyfriend, i still cannot go in the field but time will help with it. thankyou 4 reading
    Rosie x

    Reply

    Rosie - 09/04/2012

    • i feel really hurt and sorry 4 u. Hope everything gets beta 4 u an i wish those guys who raped u pay for wat theyv don cos thats disgustin wat theyv don 2 u. my heart weeps 4 u cos i feel so sorry 4 u. and even though i'v neva been raped, i cant stand rapists. And i'm 16 an i don't av any boyfriends an neva had em cos i'm scared i'll get raped and also 2 of my classmates no so many girls who got raped by their boyfriends an eva since then i dont want a boyfriend even though almost all the boys in my yer want me 2 be their girlfriend cos they find me preti. but i hope i get a nice, luvin hubi in da future.

      sweetcelebreteen - 15/04/2012

    • omg some thing like that happed to but it wasmy dad and a iam only 13 and pregneat and the baby his and my boy friend said he will love it as hes own and my dad came on to me as i was whating a film

      candy - 13/04/2012

    • OMG, when I read your post i felt, so sorry for you. I can't believe that happened to you. I am sure you are bright, pretty girl, and you should not have gone through that!!! Always here to talk.
      Izzy xox

      Izzy - 10/04/2012

  • Meg

    09/04/2012

    I have never been raped, but hearing the stories about it, makes me feel ill, i feel sorry for all of you and encourage you to speak out!

    however I have had someone force themselves onto me, in a park it was dark, and he kept kissing me, he held my hands around a pole and wouldn't let me go, i dont think this is classed as rape but i was nervous and didn't get with anyone for over a year, i had a phobia of everyone touching me, but now thats all changed:) my new boyfriend and I are so happy, he is always there for me, and he says he would never treat me like that, a word of advice girls, it gets worse before it gets better, speak out please, it does help!

    Reply

    Meg - 09/04/2012

  • Rose

    07/04/2012

    I just don't understand how this can happen. I feel terrible for the girls who have had to go through this, and the concept of rape terrifies me. How easily things can get out of hand...it makes me feel sick. But i also get that boys who do this to their girlfriends might not actually be bad people. Some of them probably don't understand, or have been brought up to think that they are superior, or whatever. I'm fourteen, and i think that it is so important for campaigns like this one - that tell young people, boys and girls, about rape - to run.

    Reply

    Rose - 07/04/2012

  • colten hampson

    07/04/2012

    i have kind of suffered a similar thing because a rummer went round i raped a girl when im not like that i find rape and abuse disgusting and in my honest opinion i could never bring my self to do it am just not that type of person but know i cant leave me house with out being called a paedophile or rapist or getting jumped what can i do to escape this ??

    Reply

    colten hampson - 07/04/2012

    • Hi Colten

      You haven’t said whether you’re still at school or college, but if so, try and discuss it with a teacher or someone else there you trust. They will be able to take action to help keep you safe.

      You can also talk it through in detail by calling ChildLine on 0800 1111 or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      You can also contact Beat Bullying on www.beatbullying.org who provide advice to help young people who are being bullied either face to face or online.

      This Is Abuse team 10/04/2012

  • amy

    06/04/2012

    I have been in two long term relationships and they have both been controlling i wish that these videos were more advertised when i was a teen as i would have been much more aware that it wasn't normal for a relationship to be like that. For anyone who is in a new relationship like this please get out of it and live your life as you are only young once and make the most of it. Personally i have found it is harder to rebuild my life now i am older xxx

    Reply

    amy - 06/04/2012

  • R

    05/04/2012

    I've never actually told anyone as I'm so ashamed, only my very very close friends know, but they were not supposed to know either, it came out accidently. My parents don't even know. I was raped by my at-the-time boyfriend in 2010 i was with him for nearly a year. He raped me 7 months into our relationship. I regret him so much! We did plan on having sex about 2 months before, but i was nervous. I guess he got impatient. I did speak to my Mum about going on the pill but because this was totally unexpected he didn't give me a chance to speak to my mum or go to the doctors. I wanted it to be special cos it would have been my first time. We were in my house on our own, he forced himself on me and kept saying 'Only for a minute'. Those words still spin in my head everyday. He was so possessive! He would check my phone for texts and any texts from boy mates he would accuse me of cheating on him. I never spent time with my friends. Thankfully they stuck by me all the way their the best, most supportive friends ever, and i love them all so much! I am a strong person and I've got over it on my own. I now have the most amazing boyfriend who i trust 100%! He does know about what happened and he does respect me a lot and I love him for it. I do still suffer a tiny bit with trust issues when it comes to sex. I often wonder to myself if he's only with me for sex aswell? But i also keep these thoughts to myself. I didn't lose my virginity to my ex, he stole it from me. I now have lost it to my boyfriend (in my mind anyway) but really it was taken from me and i'll never get it back. I just think people who are suffering should definitely speak out and talk to someone. Don't suffer in silence as it's not your fault:)

    Reply

    R - 05/04/2012

  • rose

    05/04/2012

    These aren't just pointed out for boys but also to help girls. I'm only sixteen and the day after my birthday i got raped. told a friend as she started going out with him but she accused me of lying, it went around my whole school and then got kicked out for my own safety. I've recently started going back for exams however, no day comes without a punch or two. I don't see why i spoke out about it in the first place now. The police do nothing but push you away and now all i get is death threats and him claiming he's going to do it again because i told. Again, again and again. Where do i go from here? I can't face to talk about it. This is the first move i've made after almost 6 months. :'(

    Reply

    rose - 05/04/2012

    • rose i also got raped i dont think anyone wo hasnt been through it could possible understand i had the same situation all my friends didnt belive me and i am leftto cope on my own, i didnt get to do my school exams or anythin hes ruined my life

      anom - 06/04/2012

    • Hi Rose

      Thank you for your post and I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time about traumatic incidents from your past.

      It is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.
      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
      Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      This Is Abuse team 05/04/2012

  • Rich

    04/04/2012

    Reading through these stories is making me feel sick. I fail to understand how boys can treat a girl so badly. I'm 16 and just started going out with my first girl and all I want is for her to be happy, nothing else is important.

    Reply

    Rich - 04/04/2012

    • ^^ this is they way a real man is, A real man dosnt rape a girl ! A real Man Protects her. x

      lolly! - 08/04/2012

    • awww this is how men/boys should be, I also find it sickening that people do theses things. I'm glad there is at least one man out there who cares for womens feelings, and doesn't just want to get into their pants.:D

      Holly - 08/04/2012

  • Millie

    04/04/2012

    My best friend told me that her boyfriend shoved her on the bed and got on top of her and he wouldn't let her get up by pinning her hands on the bed. What do i do, and how i can i help her?

    Reply

    Millie - 04/04/2012

    • Hi Millie

      Thank you for posting and asking for help for your friend.

      If you think you have spotted some of the warning signs of abuse in your friend's relationship or they have told you about sexual assualt or rape that has occured, they may need professional help. They may also need your encouragement and support to help to stop it.

      Tell your friend you are worried about them and let them know that the abuse is not their fault, it’s unacceptable and that support is available.

      It can be useful to think up a code word that they can use on the phone to let you know they need help. 
Don't ignore the issue if you think it is happening. When you try to talk to them, try not to make them feel judged as it takes courage to admit abuse. 
Encourage them to talk to a trusted adult, and if their partner has been violent or forced them to have sex, encourage them to talk to the police. You shouldn’t confront their partner on your own and neither should your friend. 

      If your friend wants to speak to someone in confidence encourage them to contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) or Childline on 0800 11 11 they can also go to www.childline.org.uk where you they can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      This Is Abuse team 05/04/2012

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Results: 90 - 105 of 170

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