Takeaway
Is insulting and threatening a partner abuse?
Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?
Is insulting and threatening a partner abuse?
Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?
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Jacob
03/12/2012
Sorry, but this is so one sided, all these videos are making the boys look like the bad guys D:
ReplyJacob - 03/12/2012
Thanks for your feedback. We are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign. We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight. This site has lots of information and advice in the ‘your questions’ and ‘need help’ sections for males who have been victims of abuse and those in same sex relationships.
We work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse and those in gay relationships, which you can view by clicking on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
We have also produced a video in partnership with Broken Rainbow which is intended to provide advice and signpost help for LGBT victims of domestic violence.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U0ZJFdxCtg&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=2&feature=plcp
anon
03/12/2012
I was with my boyfriend for a month. I'm 14 and he was 17. We startied kissing and stuff, and to be honest I was scared of him. He was really strong+he had a darker side to him. He started trying to put his hand up my top,I let him, hoping it was just a little feel or something but he started being really rough. He stopped when he saw tears rolling down my cheeks, he didnt speak to me the rest of the time i was at his and just played the Xbox,I never went back to his after that and broke up with him over facebook..He still scares me when i see him in the streets and he gives me freaky looks, he keeps messaging me on fb and i cant ignore him..Help?
Replyanon - 03/12/2012
Hi
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
If you're feeling scared of what this person might do and if they're making frequent unwanted contact, then it's essential that you find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you feel you are in danger, call the police on 999 at any time. You can also ring the The National Stalking Helpline on 0808 802 0300 or visit: www.protectionagainststalking.org/node/22
This Is Abuse team - 03/12/2012
03/12/2012
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable and is a crime.
If you have been put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to, try and find someone you trust to talk to. It's important that you talk to someone even if this incident did happen some time ago. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, or chat to a counsellor online.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel in immediate danger, call 999.
Reply
03/12/2012
This Is Abuse team - 03/12/2012
Hi Lucy
We are sorry to hear that this happened to you. Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activities when you don't want to is a crime.
It is important that, even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been sexually assaulted or raped. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
This Is Abuse team - 03/12/2012
Chloe
01/12/2012
i was going out with this lad for 6 months, he took me away for a while at his flat, he started to control me,started me smoking&drinking,he controlled the way i looked,told me what to wear. he told me that we should have sex, i didnt want to because i hadn't done it before.he told me i was ready and said if you love me you'll do it, i really did love him. he pushed me on to the bed and started kissing me, i kept saying no and tryed to push him off me but he wouldnt stop or listen i pushed him off me and he grabbed my arm, he really hurt me,he threw me back on the bed and he made me have sex wit him, a few days later he took me home, he told me to send him pictures of myself, i really didnt want to, but he said that if i didnt he'd dump me, i didnt want him to because i thought i loved him, so i sent him a picture, the next day i went to school and everyone started to whisper about me and stare at me,everywhere i went i school someone would stare at me, my friend came up to me and showed me the picture on her phone, i knew he had sent it round to everyone, i got so upset, i couldnt go back to school, i was bullied, i knew what i had to do, so i went to my boyfriends house, i was going to dump him but he said that if i did,hed tell everyone that i was fridged, i didnt really want that but i realised that i didnt care, so i dumped him, i also oved to a different town, im starting over in my life, i dont want anything to do with him anymore, and i havent heard from him since i dumped him.
ReplyChloe - 01/12/2012
Hi Chloe
I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you. It can be very hard to leave an abusive relationship - no matter what kind.
It's not acceptable for someone to try to control you and stop you doing certain things or make you do things you don’t want to in the way that your ex boyfriend did.
You say you have moved away now, but it's really important that to try to find someone you trust to talk to about what happened to you. It can be a friend, teacher, parent or youth worker. Or you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, and chat to a counsellor online.
This Is Abuse team - 02/12/2012
ANONYMOUS
01/12/2012
I met a guy that goes to my school when he started chatting to me on facebook. He's two years older than me and I know he's who he says he is. He wants to meet up and we chat all day online, and I want to meet up with him - but I don't know what to say to my parents because I've never had a boyfriend and i'm scared about how they might react. What should I do?
ReplyANONYMOUS - 01/12/2012
Hi
Having a boyfriend or girlfriend for the first time is really exciting, but it's important to stay safe and happy.
Try and talk to your parents about what you're feeling, and if that's not possible find someone else you trust - it can be a friend, youth worker or other relative you feel comfortable with.
If you want further relationship advice you can go to http://www.childline.org.uk/Explore/SexRelationships/Pages/Relationships.aspx or call Childline on 0800 1111 where you can speak to a trained adviser about any problem or question you have.
25/09/2012
He rings me all the time and texts. changed my number but he still gets hold of it. He has threatened to self harm himself and he has done, its not fair.
i care for him but i shouldnt have to deal with all this pain all the time. I want to live my own life and get on with my own education how do i get rid of him? Reply
25/09/2012
May seem hard to leave him but you and Joe are not made for eachother.
xxxx - 04/12/2012
I just ended up going back with him because he self harmed himself and I ended up giving in. I guess im happy at times. just don't know when he will next kick off.
xxx - 27/09/2012
Hello,
Thanks for your message.
Staying in a relationship where you are being emotionally and physically abused could cause you to lose your self-esteem and confidence. An abusive, violent or controlling relationship is not normal or acceptable; nobody needs to tolerate this behaviour and if the continued harrassment is making you worried you need to speak to a trusted adult. You have certainly taken the right steps so far and understand that it is not at all easy.
It sounds as though the behaviour is persistent and clearly unwanted and is causing you fear, harassment or anxiety, which becomes stalking and you should not have to live with it.
Try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
You need to talk about being affected affected by self-harm (when someone hurts or injures them self). There are people who understand, and who can help your ex-boyfriend to stop hurting himself.
Alternatively you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
You can also go to: http://www.selfharm.org.uk/default.aspa where you can find out more about self-harm and get advice.
The Samaritans may also be able to help, take a look at their website at http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ or email jo@samaritans.co.uk. You can also call the Samaritans helpline on 08457 909090.
22/09/2012
22/09/2012
Thanks for your feedback. We are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign. We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight. This site has lots of information and advice in the ‘your questions’ and ‘need help’ sections for males who have been victims of abuse and those in same sex relationships.
We work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse and those in gay relationships, which you can view by clicking on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
chloe
30/08/2012
im getting blackmailed into having sex by a 23 year old, im only 14, i dont no what to do.. if i dont do it he says he will tell everyone, please help me, im scared but i cant tell anyone?
Replychloe - 30/08/2012
Dear Chloe,
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this is not your fault. Additionally in England, Scotland, Northern Ireland and Wales you have to be 16 or older to have homosexual sex and therefore the law would see this as sexual assault - it's a criminal offence. This is because in the eyes of the law you are unable to give informed consent to sex when still a child. So a boy who has sex with a girl under 16 (17 in Northern Ireland) is breaking the law. Even if she agrees.
If you are still being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to, its important to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. You need to explain the pressure you are under and they will be able to help.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
lizzie
05/05/2012
i'm 12 and my ex boyfriend made have sex with him and he go me pregnant and i felt scared when he did it to me
Replylizzie - 05/05/2012
Anonymous
28/04/2012
I'm 14, but a year ago I e-dated a guy from Australia. He forced me to go on webcam and flash, which I know isn't as serious as rape, but it still hits me hard when I remember how he persuaded me by saying '' You'd do it if you loved me.'' I should never have fallen for it, he dumped me a week after saying he got bored of me. I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed and stupid in my life...
ReplyAnonymous - 28/04/2012
i no it is hard some one got me pregnant and i'm 12 i didnt want him to do it to me
Anonymous - 05/05/2012
your not the only one who has done that i have done the same but i dated an american after about 3 and a half months i found out he was cheating on me i fell for the same line 'You'd do it if you loved me' after that i never really went out with anyone until 4 weeks ago but the person i'm dating ik very well
MekahJayy - 30/04/2012
Hannah
28/04/2012
I was sexually assaulted, I just hope these messages and this site help people be more aware of what could happen to them.
ReplyHannah - 28/04/2012
jess
25/04/2012
is anyone else finding these slightly sexist...? especially the emotional abuse ones; women could just as easily do that to men
Replyjess - 25/04/2012
i want to thank you jess - i do believe these are sexist, and this is probably sexist in itself but i was surprised it was a woman sayig this - personally i think the majority of physical abuse is men to women, and for mental abuse i think its more even, but it can totally be the other way round...but as long as this site helps anyone being abused by anyone then im happy it helps :)
conor - 11/12/2012
Men abuse women more just because they're easier to abuse.
Eric - 02/05/2012
It is an issue. Some forms of abuse may more commonly happen in a situation where a male is abusive to a female, particularly rape. But men who are abused in any way by women, and also by men, are still victims and deserve support and understanding.
Not disclosed - 30/04/2012
yeah that whats i thought
Fran - 28/04/2012
since the ages we existed men have since dominated and abused women. on a personal level (relationships/friendships/sibling) to an open level of sexism (womens votes/rights to wear clothes of choice/gender roles/media expectations)
unfortunately men are more abusive towards women. and that is what they want to stop.
yes i know women can be abusive, but it's on a minor scale.
they are trying to chance the sexist views on women and teach men not to treat women on a lesser scale. we are all equal. but this site is about abuse. and well.. sorry, men are mainly the abuser.
miss - 27/04/2012
Jammiedodger128
25/04/2012
Most people stereotype this as women being the victims because its what it has been seen as in society for many many years, for many years, women were seen as inferior, whereas it is becoming more and more apparently that nowadays there is more abuse with men being the victims. Any type of abuse where any human is demoralised is wrong, its a act that could destroy a person for life. It can make them enter a cycle that will always be a huge part of their life, and it is a shame that some people don't realise what they are doing is wrong, and the victims feel too powerless to do something about it. Its good that more awareness has been made about it.
ReplyJammiedodger128 - 25/04/2012
lollie3
24/04/2012
reading these comments make me scared...i really dont want 2 be in a reletionship wiv any boys atall but i think this boy fancie's me but he is dodgie... what should i do????????
Replylollie3 - 24/04/2012
If something about this boy is making you nervous or uncomfortable, you should pay attention to that feeling. Remember, you never, EVER have to go out with anyone you don't want to. You are not obligated to "give him a chance" or anything like that. You have to put your own wants, needs, and comfort first when it comes to going out with someone. And remember, there WILL be other boys! I know it's hard to see, especially when you're still in school, but the real world is HUGE and there are TONS of people in it. Among all the 7 billion people on this planet, there are bound to be at least one or two who are attracted to you to whom you are attracted in turn. Wait. Don't get into a relationship you don't want because you think it's your only option. It's not your only option, and it's better to be alone than to be with someone you don't want.
In what way is he 'dodgie'? If in the '' Oh he's a geek and he's not good enough for you.'' way, then he's probably fine. But if there is a cause for concern about how he acts, if he might do drugs/drink etc. then I'd suggest not getting involved. I know I might sound harsh stereotyping 'dodgy' but you never know. He might turn out to be a really nice guy, but if you don't think he's safe enough for you, don't get involved.
Anonymous - 28/04/2012
Invite him to yours. if he trys anything back off. he doesnt want you if hes going to try have sex asap, im a boy, i know
guy - 27/04/2012
you should get to know him first
then if things turn out ok then you can make the next step xxxxxxxxxxxxx ok babe:)
Laura - 26/04/2012
A Young Man
24/04/2012
Why is everything of the Home Office targeting young men as the rapists and sex offenders? Statistics only show part of the true story, they may show the young ladies as being victims on a much wider spectrum but at the same time the lack of male victims can show the amount of males that wish not to speak out of there abuse.
ReplySo much for an equal society.
A Young Man - 24/04/2012
it targets a younger audience who have not been educated properly about abuse. when we target them, thy will take the lessons to the grave and teach the future generation
miss - 27/04/2012