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This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

Takeaway

Is insulting and threatening a partner abuse?

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape
  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical
  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Controlling Behaviour
  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP
  • Mandem On The Wall
  • Twist and Pulse
  • Charlie McDonnell
  • Bedroom
  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Sam & Alice
  • If you could see yourself
  • Zoe's story
  • Party
  • School

Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?

what do you think? share your opinions

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Results: 45 - 60 of 169

  • megs

    28/12/2012

    when i was 13 my mum and dad tok me to a zoo. I was soo excited and wanted to see all the animals. (cheesy i know)

    We were at the farm animal pen and my mum and dad wanted to go to the toilet. Whilst i was waiting for them a zoo keeper came up to me and said i had won a little competition to feed the meerkats. I was so excited and went with him, completely forgetting about my parents.

    He took me to the meerkat enclosure and led me to the food room. From there he said congrats and gave me a hug. It was a bit awkward. But then he starded rubbing my back, it was quite uncomfortable so i ttold him thats enough. He said no and started rubing my chest area, now i was scared.

    He put his hand under my shirt and cupped my brest he then slipped his other hand down into my jeans and started touching me. I screamed but he hit me so i stopped.U can guess what happened next.

    Once he was done he ran away leaving me. But i tried getting up and getting dressed. I managed and ran to find mum and ddad shouting my name just outside. I told them what happened and mum fainted.

    Four weeks later i got pregnant, i had the baby removed but i felt so guilty. I tried to forget instead of cutting or anything like that caus i think it's a silly idea.
    So what do i do now, im still shocked and im now 18 but have never had a boyfriend becuase im soo scared. Will i live my life alone?

    Reply

    megs - 28/12/2012

    • Hi Megs, thanks for sharing your story.

      We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. It’s understandable that you have not fully come to terms with your past but it’s extremely positive that you want to move on and have contacted this site. We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. It’s understandable that you still feel scared; your trust was taken advantage of by this man and you must understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. You have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about and you will move on. What’s important now if that you arm yourself fully with the facts.

      It’s good that your parents know about the incident and are there for you. You might also find it useful to seek professional advice.

      You can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Take care and good luck.

      Tempero Moderation 31/12/2012

  • holly

    28/12/2012

    It's sad watching the videos. But it's worse know that millions of people put up with that everyday its horrible how some men treat girl like that guys like that give all men are bad name

    Reply

    holly - 28/12/2012

  • Katrina

    27/12/2012

    I agree with the fact rape is wrong, I've see these videos and know exactly what do to if I am in this sort of situation!!

    Reply

    Katrina - 27/12/2012

    • I completely agree - the videos were really clear in getting in the message across but am not entirely sure that I can be as sure as you about being able to think clearly in some of the terrible situations people are put in; I mean I completely get the idea or 'theory' so to speak but I imagine putting it into practice must be completely different

      PC - 02/03/2013

  • charlie

    27/12/2012

    I agree with all the comments about portraying men as the bad guys women can be in the wrong just as much

    Reply

    charlie - 27/12/2012

  • 23/12/2012

    Courtney
    my friend is 15 and we were at a party and she was being dragged up the the stairs by her boyfriend. I heard the door closing and a scream.

    I ran up the stairs quietly and put my ear against the door and all i could hear was ''STOP! STOP ! PLEASE!!'' and I peeked in and u he was undoing her trousers and I swung the door open. Stormed in and punched him in the face and grabbed my friend and ran down stairs with her and ran home.

    We are 17 now but even though it new happened to me, I am scared too.

    Reply

    23/12/2012

    • Hi Courtney, thank you for sharing your story about your friend.

      What you did was very brave and it’s great that she has a friend like you to look out for her. It’s natural to feel scared after such a traumatic incident but please remember you did the right thing by removing your friend from that situation ; Being pressurised or forced into sex is never okay and is a crime, regardless of whether it happened to you or not.

      Speak to your friend and help them understand that this wasn’t their fault and there is nothing they could’ve done to prevent this. You should encourage them to call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about the problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you they can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      You may also find it beneficial to talk to someone at ChildLine if you are still feeling shaken up by the experience.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Take care.

      Tempero Moderation 27/12/2012

  • Em

    21/12/2012

    When I was 13 I met a boy and he was 17 he seemed really nice so we started dating, he was my first boyfriend and I had never even kissed a boy.

    A week after seeing him he started groping me, he said it was normal and that he wouldnt do anything else.

    A few weeks later he walked me home and through an alley he pushed me agaisnt a fence and put his hand down my trousers and started touching me. I was so scared i told him it was hurting and to stop but he didnt, he wouldnt.

    I got home 5 minuites after and i took my clothes of to find blood. i went in the bath and scrubbed myself clean.

    A few days later he tried to make me do things. I said not today, and i left and we have never spoke since.

    Im 17 now and with a really nice boyfriend. Im glad i got out of there, who noes what could of happened.

    Reply

    Em - 21/12/2012

    • Hi Em, You deserve so much better than that. You deserve someone who will treat you like a princess and not like a piece of meat. I understand how that must have been tough for you, but you need to know that you did the best you could. By telling him no you showed him that you are in control and that you are not going to be pushed around... the first time wasnt your fault and I hope you know that. No one deserves to be treated like that especially not you. I hope you find someone who will respect you and love you like you deserve... because you're worth it. :) x

      Becca - 25/12/2012

  • Kirsty

    20/12/2012

    I've been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 9 months now, but he lives in Scotland and i live in England, the last time I seen him we had sex but he is 16 and I'm only 15 is this illegal?

    Reply

    Kirsty - 20/12/2012

    • Hi Kirsty,

      Thanks for your post.

      Please do not feel pressured by the geographical distance between you and your boyfriend to enter into sexual activity on the rare occasions you do see him.

      It's a fact that the average age for having sex for the first time is 16, the legal age, and many people prefer to wait until they’re older. If your boyfriend cares for you, he will understand why you want to wait. Please remember, you always have the right to withhold consent.

      Sexual relationships also come with consequences; risks like unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. You say that your boyfriend is 16, and you are 15, which means that it's against the law for you to have sex and that he could be charged with rape.

      You may find it helps just to find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you feel comfortable with. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Tempero Moderation 21/12/2012

  • Lusie

    19/12/2012

    Since i was 4, I've been abused but when i got to eight, rape started and went on until they were locked up three weeks ago.

    I'm 15 and im sure there will still be occasions, but i hope one day it'll stop because I already have a child and am pregnant. I will be haunted forever :'(

    Reply

    Lusie - 19/12/2012

    • Hi Lusie,

      Thanks for your post.

      We are sorry to hear about what happened to you, it takes courage to confront and overcome something so traumatic as long-term sexual abuse. We think it is important that even though your abuser is behind bars, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      It's important that you find someone to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      Tempero Moderation 20/12/2012

  • Emily

    19/12/2012

    Well last week I decided to meet a boy we talked on BBM and Facebook one day he said he was gonna take me to his house but then we came across an empty forest.

    He forced me on my Knees and tried to do things, I said no but he forced my mouth open.

    I tried to kill myself and now everyone says I'm a slut. Its so hard at school cos nobody knows the REAL story.

    Reply

    Emily - 19/12/2012

    • Hi Emily,

      Thanks for your message. We were concerned to read about what happened to you.

      You have taken the first step by confronting this painful episode, but from what you have told us, you now need to put the blame where it belongs, with the abuser.

      Being forced or pressured to take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Whatever the circumstances of your meeting, this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      It's crucial that you try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker ,or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. Help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

      If you are feeling suicidal or particularly distressed, you should know there are people who understand, and who can help you deal with the problems you are going through.

      The Samaritans may be able to help. Take a look at their website:

      http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ or email jo@samaritans.co.uk. You can also call the Samaritans helpline on 08457 909090.

      Tempero Moderation 20/12/2012

  • kate

    19/12/2012

    Hi my name is Kate

    at the moment I'm 16 but when i was 14 i had the sweetest boy friend in the world he kissed me we laughed we had a good time...

    but one day me and him were out at my friends party he shoved me into a corner he said he was going to have sex tonight i said with who? i asked

    he looked at me and said with you i was sooooo scared and i said no but he just took me up stairs and took off my jeans i said STOP and he swore at me and hit me round the face and he got a condom and raped me.

    I felt so scared and alone so he was raping me when my friend heard me crying for him to stop she came up and shoved my "boyfriend" away and got me dressed and ran out with me

    i never spoke to him again

    Reply

    kate - 19/12/2012

    • Hi Kate,
      Thank you for posting.

      We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime.
      Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      No matter how long ago this happened please find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with.

      It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Tempero Moderation 20/12/2012

  • Lucy

    17/12/2012

    When I was in year six my cousin introduced me to someone who was a few years older than us.

    What I didn't know was that my cousin wanted to date his mates girlfriend so he was offering me up as a substitute. Then when my cousin went to the toilets his friend made a move, I tried to get away and told him not to touch me but he kept on touching me.

    I didn't tell anyone for two years and then I tried to kill myself. I'm ok now, me and my cousin don't speak anymore. I just needed someone to turn too but I felt so alone

    Reply

    Lucy - 17/12/2012

    • Hi Lucy, thanks for your post.

      We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      Tempero Moderation 18/12/2012

  • Ying Yin

    17/12/2012

    I never been through this yet because I know what will happen when you get a girlfriend or boyfriend at a young age like 10 to 12. Even worst if they are older than you. They know much more and how to make up lies quicker. Another thing is if you really like or love that person and they ask you to do things like this and if not they will break up with you, thats why children and teens below 13 or 14 shouldn't have a boy or girl friend but if the boy or girl is not that kind of people on these videos then its ok but you still have to tell your parents see if they have anything to say about it. I really fell soryy and a bit frightened about things that have happened to people in this world and I really don't want to be one of them. :(

    Reply

    Ying Yin - 17/12/2012

  • Lozzii

    16/12/2012

    I was 11 years old when my supposed best friend who was 14 asked me to come round to his house. I did, and we watched tv for a bit. Then he started moving closer to me, put his arm round me and down the back of my pants. I told him to get off me but he didnt. He pinned me down on the floor by my hair and left arm and raped me. I didn't tell anyone.

    3 years later I was just about getting over what he did, speaking to him again, trying to put it in the past. He came to meet me from school and we walked my dog. When i let my dog go onto the field he did it again. He hit me from behind and floored me before climbing on top. i was 13 and a half then.

    I'm 15 now, and he keeps asking me to come round, and knocking on my door. I feel trapped, because I know if i open the door to him it'll happen again.

    Reply

    Lozzii - 16/12/2012

    • I know just how you feel I have been raped a number of times and one point I tried killing myself but most of my friends have killed themselfs and I realised how sad that made me so I didnt but if he comes round your house again call the police

      Jordan - 07/01/2013

    • Hi Lozzii,

      Thank you for posting.

      We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Tempero Moderation 17/12/2012

  • steph

    16/12/2012

    I was 9 and he was 14. my brothers best mate at the time, it started with him using his phone to show me messages to him.
    then he was in my house one day and he used his phone again and said go up stairs and tell your brother your playin with your toys in your room and ill tell him I need the toilet.
    so I did, and he came in my room, put the chair against the door and started asking me for a kiss.
    the he sat on my bed and put his hand on mine and forced me down so I could move. I screamed but he put his hand over my mouth.
    I heard my brother shout up asking me if im ok, I had to reply and say yes im playing. its was a horrible experience and I hope to god no one has to go through it!
    im 19 years if age now and it still haunts me!

    Reply

    steph - 16/12/2012

    • Hi Steph,

      Thank you for posting.

      We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Tempero Moderation 17/12/2012

  • anonymous

    16/12/2012

    i was on holiday one time and there was this guy there who i found attractive, i was only 14 and he pressured me into losing my virginity with him after knowing him for only a week.

    after this i went back to where i lived and messaged him on facebook. he then gave me abuse saying i was worthless and he used me so i should just go away. he then gave me abuse every day saying i was fat and pathetic and ugly and i started to believe him and started cutting.

    my mum knows but thinks that im ok now but im really not and i dont know who to talk to.

    Reply

    anonymous - 16/12/2012

    • Hi anonymous, thanks for your post.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault and shouldn’t feel worthless. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      If this has happened to you and you are self-harming as a result, try and find someone you trust to talk to. There are people who understand, and who can help you to stop hurting yourself. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      For more information and advice on how to deal with your self-harm , you can go to http://www.selfharm.org.uk/default.aspa. The Samaritans may also be able to help, take a look at their website at http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ or email jo@samaritans.co.uk. You can also call the Samaritans helpline on 08457 909090.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Tempero Moderation 17/12/2012

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Results: 45 - 60 of 169

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