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This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

Takeaway

Is insulting and threatening a partner abuse?

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape
  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical
  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Controlling Behaviour
  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP
  • Mandem On The Wall
  • Twist and Pulse
  • Charlie McDonnell
  • Bedroom
  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Sam & Alice
  • If you could see yourself
  • Zoe's story
  • Party
  • School

Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?

what do you think? share your opinions

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Results: 15 - 30 of 170

  • Tina

    05/03/2013

    This is wrong however, the victim doesn't always know that it's wrong

    The abuser normally makes you feel like you are the one in the wrong and that all they are doing is looking after you and it's your fault that they are acting out....

    No-one should go through this...I was lucky an got out of my abusive relationship early but it's scary and takes a lot of courage to turn around and leave especially if you feel like you love that person.

    But leaving is worth it in the end

    Reply

    Tina - 05/03/2013

  • klaudia

    03/03/2013

    its wrong i dont know why anyone would do it its not right and it is a option

    so dont do it its so so wrong

    Reply

    klaudia - 03/03/2013

  • PC

    02/03/2013

    I was just wondering if there were going to be any videos made on guys being abused in relationships? - There's a question specifically answered about guys being abuse (1 in 6) but all the videos are based on the same stereotype that girls are the only ones. I thought the existing videos were really good at getting the point across but perhaps some are needed so boys can see the way that it's not always girls being abused

    Reply

    PC - 02/03/2013

    • Hi PC,

      Thanks for your comment. We are happy you support our campaign.

      Most teenage boys have normal and healthy relationships. However, in abusive relationships the statistics show that it is usually the male in the relationship that is the abuser and the female the victim and therefore it is important for the campaign to reflect this.

      Although we depict a female victim in the advert, the messages are relevant for both boys and girls, whether they are victims or abusers. We have provided advice and information on the site which points all victims to the help that they need, including specific help for male victims of violence and abuse through Respect and the Survivors UK. The discussion boards also serve as a forum where young people can pose questions and discuss the issue with their peers, and experts in the field.

      This Is Abuse team 07/03/2013

  • Ebony

    01/03/2013

    This is wrong. But when you're the victim, you don't always see it.

    The other person in the relationship normally 'convinces' you in a way that he/she will always take care of you, always be there etc. But it's not always true..

    Reply

    Ebony - 01/03/2013

  • Alexis

    26/02/2013

    I am currently 16 and honestly I feel like giving up now. I was forced into a relationship with an 18 year old earlier this year, just before I turned 16.

    I had a proper bad girl crush on him but I was sensible enough to not take it any further. He is just like the boy in the video. He checks my phone, facebook and twitter. He always accuses me of cheating. He hits me and mentally abuses me and I hate it.

    He cuts me off from my mates. He lets his mates talk to me like I am a peice of dirt. They always inappropriatley touch me but he doesnt say anything. He laughs a lot of the time!

    Reply

    Alexis - 26/02/2013

    • Hi Alexis

      Thanks for getting in touch.

      Abuse is wrong and never okay. If you’re suffering from physical abuse, and signs can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour, it’s important to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      Emotional abuse can be just as bad, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of emotional abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do, and it’s equally important to try and find someone you trust to talk to.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      You can also hear from a survivor of domestic violence here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a8fsrPEaYQ&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=3&feature=plcp

      Tempero Moderation 27/02/2013

  • kayleigh

    17/02/2013

    First of all if your partner said i would have knocked you to out if you and your friend were boys would that count as abuse or could make them turn abusive when they are older
    second of all these two boys tried to lift my skirt up at school with a metre ruler and all one boy got was a few lunch time detentions and the did hardly anything about it does this count as some type of abuse i just want to know so i feel better ??

    Reply

    kayleigh - 17/02/2013

    • Hi Kayleigh,

      Thanks for your post.

      If your partner is threatening you then this does sound like abusive behaviour. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. You should try and find someone you trust to talk to if you are concerned - this doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      This Is Abuse team 21/02/2013

  • yolanda

    11/02/2013

    when i was 14 i was in a relationship with a boy he was 16 i had know him since i was 7

    we had been together for 3 years but after only 6 months he would keep going on about sex and how everyone was teasing him that he was going out with a virgin. it made me feel bad :(
    after a year i still wasn't ready but he still would stop talking about it after my 15th birthday my mum and dad decided to go on holiday (i had to stay at home i had school and college) one day after school he came round to help me with my chemistry assignment then we watched a film... a bit later he started putting his hand down my top i grabbed his hand and told him to stop then he started shouting at me say that i was never going to be ready and that i might as well be a nun i just sat there and cried he said he was sorry and hugged me i believed him

    a couple days later it was a mates 17th birthday party there was so much alchole i got tipsy and he walked me home next thing i know hes kissing me and pushing me up against a wall i told him i wasn't ready he just didn't listen i tried fighting him off but he was to strong there was nothing i could do it happened over and over again i don't want another girl to go through this

    Reply

    yolanda - 11/02/2013

    • dear yolanda im really sorry what happened to you if he ever trys to do that again just tell somewone beacuse it can really help you also they will try to help you and might contat the police beacuse this is not right gor him to do this to you. also he should listen to you beacuse if you are not ready then he should wait beacuse it is very wrong for him to go on like this if you need any help with this then just tell your parents your friends your teacher the police or sometimes his mates that he is doing these stuff for you if you do this then he wont touch you anlonger and you will be fine again and not stressed as well.
      pleas take my advise.
      charley.

      charley - 27/02/2013

    • Hi Yolanda,

      Thanks for your post. We are sorry to hear about this awful incident from your past.

      It does not matter if you are in a relationship with someone or if they are a stranger. When someone makes you do something you do not want to do, it means you are not consenting and it is rape. It also does not matter if you start out by saying yes and then change your mind, or if you feel like you have 'given in'. It is also never OK to make someone feel bad if they don't want to have sex as this is a form of emotional abuse.

      Rape is a crime and it should be reported. No matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you're under 18, you can also call ChildLine in confidence on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you're over 18, alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted.

      This Is Abuse team 13/02/2013

  • paula

    10/02/2013

    When I was younger I used to get bullyed , I would sit in the same corner everyday and cry ,while people were surronding me shouting out names to me and fake things I did

    Reply

    paula - 10/02/2013

    • Hi Paula,

      Thanks for your message.

      We're very sorry to hear about the bullying, but if you are still being bullied it's important to try and find someone you trust to talk to even if you find this difficult to do.

      It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      Alternatively you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      You can also contact Beat Bullying on www.beatbullying.org who provide advice to help young people who are being bullied either face to face or online.

      This Is Abuse team 13/02/2013

  • Soni

    10/02/2013

    I was engaged to my partner at the age of 17 and married at 18 i was in an abusive relationship... emotionally abusive. For me it was hard to realize what was happening why he treated me the way he did, why he didn't want me talking to my friends or family and why he forced me to have sex and tried getting me pregnant... but when i did recognize that he was constantly emotionally blackmailing me and abusing me i put it all to an end. When these things happen abroad it is a lot worse. Luckily I am now back in England and carrying on with my education and have left him.
    Don't loose hope people. The future is bright! :)

    Reply

    Soni - 10/02/2013

  • A older friend

    10/02/2013

    To everyone who has shared your story - you are so brave, Well Done! Please listen to the advice given by the ThisIsAbuse Team and talk to someone about your experiences.

    I just wanted to say a couple of things:
    Firstly, this kind of relationship advice really needs to be taught to teachers and parents. Its all very well to advise young people to talk to a 'trusted adult' but so often they don't know what do either! This is what happened to me. After I was abused I confided in friends and teacher and no-one believed me or even offered good advice! I don't blame them though because I just don't think most people understand abuse or know what should be done! Teachers especially need to be better trained and equipped to spot and deal with teenagers who have been abused.
    And secondly, I have read a couple of times on here "Abuse is wrong, girls should be treated like Princesses!" - I think that's wrong, girls should be treated like Human Beings, and all Human Beings have Human Rights which include not being abused or hurt.

    Lastly, to the girls and boys who have shared their stories of abuse here, I just want to say, as a grown up who was sexually abused when I was younger - you don't deserve it, you shouldn't expect it, your feelings matter, it's not your fault and it WILL get easier to cope with. I promise.

    Reply

    A older friend - 10/02/2013

  • lissii

    09/02/2013

    from the age of 7/8 i was forced to sell my body and then from the age of thirteen, my step dad started hurting me more and raping me. he said he would hurt my younger sisters if i didnt do what he said. i got pregnant with his child and he made me have an abortion. then i moved to care but i am still scared because he hangs around the area where i live and i still suffer from bad dreams relaated to my past. i am now sixteen

    Reply

    lissii - 09/02/2013

    • Hi lissii,

      We are so very sorry to hear about these awful incidents from your past.

      We think it is very important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should really try to speak to someone about your experiences and your concerns if you can.

      Please understand that none of this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. No matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine in confidence on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted.

      And if you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 13/02/2013

  • Tiegan

    07/02/2013

    Rape is a horrible thing and i wish that there were more people in the world who understood that. And i just read a story about someone who was called terrible names for being raped people thought she wanted to but she didnt. Women should never have to be put into a position like that! I think this website is a very heplful and informative website. I will definately recommend it! :)

    Reply

    Tiegan - 07/02/2013

  • annex

    06/02/2013

    I was in a relationship with this lad for a while. He used to make me feel worthless. He treated me like rubish. He used to punch me, made me hit things by physically grabbing my hand and making me full on punch things like lamposts, brick walls and letter boxes. He made me feel like it was my fault and that I was a bad person if I didn't do sexual things to him. And once I gave into the guilt tripping, he would just push me to the floor and walk off. He put so much pressure onto me. I am scared he is going to expose everything I ever did to him. He makes me out to be the bad person, but really it was him. I'm scared

    Reply

    annex - 06/02/2013

    • Hi annex,

      Thanks for your post. That's emotional, physical and sexual abuse, no one should tolerate that behaviour.

      Please understand you have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about. An abusive, violent or controlling relationship is not normal or acceptable; you need to speak to a trusted adult about this. If you've under 18 contact Childline in confidence on 0800 11 11 or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Or if you've over 18 alternatively you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      This Is Abuse team 11/02/2013

  • Lissie

    01/02/2013

    When I was 10 I went round to my friend's house and we were bored so we went up to her room with my other mate like we usually did on saturdays then my mates began telling me that they had a game they always played after school & it would help them get boyfriends (i was insecure at the time) So they begun stripping, got a camera out and begun kissing and touching eachother. Then they begun making me strip and recorded it. She deleted the video after but it still scares me seeing her and I've heard apparently at her school she was caught doing the same thing to another girl in the toilets.

    She recently she tried doing it to me again at a party (last summer) and I gave into peer pressure and let her abuse me. :(

    Reply

    Lissie - 01/02/2013

    • Hi Lissie,

      Thanks for posting on the site, we're sorry to hear what happened to you.

      Please understand that being forced or pressured to take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      We think it's important that you find someone you trust to talk to about your experiences. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      This Is Abuse team 07/02/2013

  • Lucy

    29/01/2013

    I was in a relationship not long back that i found very distressing, i was with him for almost 2 years and I felt trapped,

    I used to have to have sex with him whenever he wanted otherwise he would accuse me of not loving him. He would scream at me that i was useless and worthless if i didn't do what he said in the bedroom or anywhere else.

    I used to get told off for not socialising with his friends enough, he told me i should be more friendly with them, but then when i got into a conversation with one of them he told me i was "flirting" with them i couldn't win.

    I'm 18 now and i'm with a boy that treats me with much more respect. But I'm still pretty guarded. I hope that people become more aware of relationships like this and speak out or get themselves out before they get into a situation where they are trapped like I was. It's not easy to get out of it when it gets too far, you feel as though you can't do any better but you can and people like that aren't worth itx

    Reply

    Lucy - 29/01/2013

    • Hi Lucy,

      Thanks for your post. We are sorry to hear about those awful incidents from your past.

      Your ex sounds very controlling which can be a sign of an abusive relationship, and being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is always unacceptable. No one should be bullied or blackmailed into it. If you're feeling guarded in your new relationship, it might be an effect of your past relationship, as abuse can knock your self-confidence and have a negative impact on your health and wellbeing.

      You ought to speak to a trusted adult about your experiences; or you can call the 24 hour, National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 for confidential advice and support.

      This Is Abuse team 05/02/2013

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Results: 15 - 30 of 170

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