Takeaway
Is insulting and threatening a partner abuse?
Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?
Is insulting and threatening a partner abuse?
Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?
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paula
10/02/2013
When I was younger I used to get bullyed , I would sit in the same corner everyday and cry ,while people were surronding me shouting out names to me and fake things I did
Replypaula - 10/02/2013
Hi Paula,
Thanks for your message.
We're very sorry to hear about the bullying, but if you are still being bullied it's important to try and find someone you trust to talk to even if you find this difficult to do.
It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
Alternatively you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
You can also contact Beat Bullying on www.beatbullying.org who provide advice to help young people who are being bullied either face to face or online.
Soni
10/02/2013
I was engaged to my partner at the age of 17 and married at 18 i was in an abusive relationship... emotionally abusive. For me it was hard to realize what was happening why he treated me the way he did, why he didn't want me talking to my friends or family and why he forced me to have sex and tried getting me pregnant... but when i did recognize that he was constantly emotionally blackmailing me and abusing me i put it all to an end. When these things happen abroad it is a lot worse. Luckily I am now back in England and carrying on with my education and have left him.
ReplyDon't loose hope people. The future is bright! :)
Soni - 10/02/2013
A older friend
10/02/2013
To everyone who has shared your story - you are so brave, Well Done! Please listen to the advice given by the ThisIsAbuse Team and talk to someone about your experiences.
ReplyI just wanted to say a couple of things:
Firstly, this kind of relationship advice really needs to be taught to teachers and parents. Its all very well to advise young people to talk to a 'trusted adult' but so often they don't know what do either! This is what happened to me. After I was abused I confided in friends and teacher and no-one believed me or even offered good advice! I don't blame them though because I just don't think most people understand abuse or know what should be done! Teachers especially need to be better trained and equipped to spot and deal with teenagers who have been abused.
And secondly, I have read a couple of times on here "Abuse is wrong, girls should be treated like Princesses!" - I think that's wrong, girls should be treated like Human Beings, and all Human Beings have Human Rights which include not being abused or hurt.
Lastly, to the girls and boys who have shared their stories of abuse here, I just want to say, as a grown up who was sexually abused when I was younger - you don't deserve it, you shouldn't expect it, your feelings matter, it's not your fault and it WILL get easier to cope with. I promise.
A older friend - 10/02/2013
lissii
09/02/2013
from the age of 7/8 i was forced to sell my body and then from the age of thirteen, my step dad started hurting me more and raping me. he said he would hurt my younger sisters if i didnt do what he said. i got pregnant with his child and he made me have an abortion. then i moved to care but i am still scared because he hangs around the area where i live and i still suffer from bad dreams relaated to my past. i am now sixteen
Replylissii - 09/02/2013
Hi lissii,
We are so very sorry to hear about these awful incidents from your past.
We think it is very important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should really try to speak to someone about your experiences and your concerns if you can.
Please understand that none of this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. No matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine in confidence on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted.
And if you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
Tiegan
07/02/2013
Rape is a horrible thing and i wish that there were more people in the world who understood that. And i just read a story about someone who was called terrible names for being raped people thought she wanted to but she didnt. Women should never have to be put into a position like that! I think this website is a very heplful and informative website. I will definately recommend it! :)
ReplyTiegan - 07/02/2013
annex
06/02/2013
I was in a relationship with this lad for a while. He used to make me feel worthless. He treated me like rubish. He used to punch me, made me hit things by physically grabbing my hand and making me full on punch things like lamposts, brick walls and letter boxes. He made me feel like it was my fault and that I was a bad person if I didn't do sexual things to him. And once I gave into the guilt tripping, he would just push me to the floor and walk off. He put so much pressure onto me. I am scared he is going to expose everything I ever did to him. He makes me out to be the bad person, but really it was him. I'm scared
Replyannex - 06/02/2013
Hi annex,
Thanks for your post. That's emotional, physical and sexual abuse, no one should tolerate that behaviour.
Please understand you have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about. An abusive, violent or controlling relationship is not normal or acceptable; you need to speak to a trusted adult about this. If you've under 18 contact Childline in confidence on 0800 11 11 or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Or if you've over 18 alternatively you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).
Lissie
01/02/2013
When I was 10 I went round to my friend's house and we were bored so we went up to her room with my other mate like we usually did on saturdays then my mates began telling me that they had a game they always played after school & it would help them get boyfriends (i was insecure at the time) So they begun stripping, got a camera out and begun kissing and touching eachother. Then they begun making me strip and recorded it. She deleted the video after but it still scares me seeing her and I've heard apparently at her school she was caught doing the same thing to another girl in the toilets.
ReplyShe recently she tried doing it to me again at a party (last summer) and I gave into peer pressure and let her abuse me. :(
Lissie - 01/02/2013
Hi Lissie,
Thanks for posting on the site, we're sorry to hear what happened to you.
Please understand that being forced or pressured to take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
We think it's important that you find someone you trust to talk to about your experiences. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Lucy
29/01/2013
I was in a relationship not long back that i found very distressing, i was with him for almost 2 years and I felt trapped,
ReplyI used to have to have sex with him whenever he wanted otherwise he would accuse me of not loving him. He would scream at me that i was useless and worthless if i didn't do what he said in the bedroom or anywhere else.
I used to get told off for not socialising with his friends enough, he told me i should be more friendly with them, but then when i got into a conversation with one of them he told me i was "flirting" with them i couldn't win.
I'm 18 now and i'm with a boy that treats me with much more respect. But I'm still pretty guarded. I hope that people become more aware of relationships like this and speak out or get themselves out before they get into a situation where they are trapped like I was. It's not easy to get out of it when it gets too far, you feel as though you can't do any better but you can and people like that aren't worth itx
Lucy - 29/01/2013
Hi Lucy,
Thanks for your post. We are sorry to hear about those awful incidents from your past.
Your ex sounds very controlling which can be a sign of an abusive relationship, and being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is always unacceptable. No one should be bullied or blackmailed into it. If you're feeling guarded in your new relationship, it might be an effect of your past relationship, as abuse can knock your self-confidence and have a negative impact on your health and wellbeing.
You ought to speak to a trusted adult about your experiences; or you can call the 24 hour, National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 for confidential advice and support.
Anonymous
26/01/2013
when i was about 10 i went on holiday, my mum told me we were going to see an old friend again an i was excited because i had not seen him in ages. he is he is 5 years older than me. me my sister and this "friend" went swimming and he said we should play this game where he holds us under water. it was fine but then he said he needed something to hold onto to hold us down. he put his finger up my vagina. i was scared so i asked if we could go he said wait a bit longer and it happened a few more times. i don't know if he done this to my sister as well i have always been scared to ask or talk about it.
ReplyAnonymous - 26/01/2013
Hi Anonymous,
Thanks for your post and we're sorry to hear what happened to you.
Please understand that being forced or pressured to take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. This was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
It's good that you posted online but you need to summon more courage and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them, or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
raina
21/01/2013
this happened 2 me but luckily i stoped it TELL SOME1
Replyraina - 21/01/2013
Rachel
17/01/2013
I don't tend to mention stuff that happened to me as a child, I've just started telling my friend for the first time in ten years.
ReplyBut I think these adverts are powerful, coming at the issue from both angles, it's good because we cannot always depend alone on the victims/SURVIVORS (I hate the word victim) coming forward.
I also love the adverts in which people bang on the glass.. I think it's pretty much spot on to how it feels to watch back memories you regret and wish with all your might that they never happened.
Strong, powerful, good. I like this site a lot.
Rachel - 17/01/2013
kitten
17/01/2013
An idea I've heard about is for on the backs of toilet doors in shops cafes and schools etc.
ReplyPosters should be put up showing helplines for victims of domestic violence. What do people think of this idea?
kitten - 17/01/2013
great idea because when i broke up with my first boyfriend because he wouldent let me socialise AT ALL i cried every break-time in the ladies toilets at school so if i had known about this site i wouldent have had to suffer that horrible experiance
alicia - 11/02/2013
I actually really like that idea, its where most girls i know go to just cry about abuse sometimes
Hannah - 17/01/2013
jo
15/01/2013
when i was around 8 a boy i think was around 15/16 whose family is very close to mine started to ask to touch me.
Replyi think it only went on for about 2 months but he told me i could never tell my mum and dad about anything that had happened since then its like nothing did happen but in my head i know it did.
im 17 now and find it very easy to stick up for myself and i dont care what people think of me but i get scared when sharing a bed with any boy it distresses me and makes me feel uncaomfortable.
i have only told my close friends as i needed someone to talk to. they tell me that i shouldnt tell my family as it was a long time ago and would cause a lot of problems but instead i should talk to the boy i really would like to do this but im scared he will lie and say nothing happened i dont know what to do...
i dont have a problem with him anymore its just the past that haunts me
jo - 15/01/2013
forget it tell ur parents so tey know what happened and its off ur chest
mini - 31/01/2013
Hi Jo,
Thank you for posting.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you din’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Sex with any girl/boy under 16, including oral, is unlawful. It doesn't make any difference if permission (consent) is given or not, if you're under 16 sex is illegal.
Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to.
It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
lucy
15/01/2013
my ex use to be like that with me, never use to let me talk to any of my mates he turned them all agents me, even if i looked at a boy he use to have a go at me or even hit me
Replyin the end i left him i couldn't be doing with it anymore he put stuff on facebook about me that wasn't true but i guess he was annoyed
most of my friend that i still had left hated me but they came to there senses
lucy - 15/01/2013
Soraya
13/01/2013
My friend lives as an only child with her Mum. One day in school though she asked me what the Childline number was. I wasn't sure why she was asking me. I told her what the number was and she started writing on her hand. My two other friends and I were nervous because we didn't know what she was doing. So we asked her why she wanted the Childline number. She said:
Reply"Because my Mum slaps me. She slaps me for nothing, and I don't do anything to deserve it."
My Mum slaps me too, as much as hers, but I know that there is no need to call Childline.
What do you think? Please help me.
Soraya - 13/01/2013
Hi Soraya,
Thanks for your post. Childline can offer help and advice about forms of physical abuse, being hurt, punched, kicked or hit. No problem is too big or too small for them and they can offer you appropriate information and support if necessary.
It's free to call on 0800 1111.
Remember if you or someone you know is being abused in any way, then the most important thing to do is talk to someone about it.
We hope that helps.