Takeaway
Is insulting and threatening a partner abuse?
Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?
Is insulting and threatening a partner abuse?
Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?
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Emily
16/04/2013
I think it's really good that these adverts are about to make people think. I wish I saw these adverts when I was in an abusive relationship last year. And ex of mine was really controlling, he would would touch me in sexual ways when I wasn't ready for all that, I told him no and he never listened, I was terrified. And he kept trying to get me to touch him back and bullied me when I refused to. I felt trapped and didn't know who to turn to for help. I think if I was in that situation now, these adverts would have helped me be stronger and get help. So thanks to you more victims will get help :)
ReplyEmily - 16/04/2013
Kev
07/04/2013
I think it's highly bigoted that all of these adverts suggest that the male is always the abusive one in relationships.
ReplyWhereas in actual fact an equal percentage of victims are men being abused by women. These adverts only re-inforce the steryotype that men are the instigators of relationship abuse and that only women are the victims.
I cringe at the unfair portrayl 'men in general' everytime I see these adverts.
Kev - 07/04/2013
Hi Kev
Thanks for your feedback; we are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign.
We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight, and we are also aware that most teenage boys have normal and healthy relationships. However, in abusive relationships the statistics show that it is usually the male in the relationship that is the abuser and the female the victim and therefore it is important for the campaign to reflect this.
Our objective is to help both boys and girls spot the signs of abuse in relationships and raise awareness of what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour, and although we depict a female victim in the advert, the messages are relevant for both boys and girls whether they are victims or abusers,
We have provided advice and information on the website which points all victims to the help they need - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help - including specific help for male victims of violence and abuse through Respect and Survivors UK. The site is also a forum where young people can pose questions and discuss the issue with their peers and experts in the field.
We also work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse and those in gay relationships, which you can view by clicking on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
We have also produced a video in partnership with Broken rainbow which is intended to provide advice and signpost help for LGBT victims of domestic violence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U0ZJFdxCtg&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=2&feature=plcp
We welcome all views; it’s good that the campaign is prompting you to ask questions and seek more information.
Georgina
07/04/2013
I feel like im being presured into having sex at times.
ReplyMy boyfriend is really controlling he always goes on my phone and wants to know what im doing and where im going whenever i go out and gets funny about the smallest of things.
I never know what to do. Can someone help me out?
Georgina - 07/04/2013
hey georgina, i know what you are going through i have been through it before and i couldn`t do anything about it until i told the police then he got lock up and then i was normal self again if this keeps on happening then tell the police about it just remember they are here to help and do there jobs t which is to make people safe.
Sammie - 08/04/2013
Hi Georgina
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is totally unacceptable. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.
If you are unsure of what is or isn’t classed as
sexual abuse or assault, examples can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.
If you are ever put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to, it’s important to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. They offer counselling and support for women who have experienced any form of sexual violence, not just rape
Tempero Moderation - 08/04/2013
Olivia
24/03/2013
Sometimes when me and my bf get into a big fight he gets really mad but walks away.
ReplyThen later on he will ring or text me asking me to say sorry otherwise he'll dump me and tell everyone it was my fault.
Is this abuse?
Olivia - 24/03/2013
HI Olivia
Thanks for getting in touch.
Please understand that abuse is wrong and never okay, and emotional abuse can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.
We would always encourage you to try and find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).
sophie
14/03/2013
sometimes i dont want to go round to my boyfriends after ive done a 8 hr shift.
ReplyHe rings and begs i say no nicely then he gets annoying and says if i dont he ll smash my house up or make me feel as thou i have to go round or he ll think im cheaing is that abuse?
sophie - 14/03/2013
hey. I think you should talk to someone, it sounds like he is giving you a hard time and that isnt fair. Think about how he makes you feel when he has a go at you, does it feel right? Also, try see your relationship from an outsiders perspective, what would your friends say about it? Often friends give the best advice about things like that because they arent "blinded by love" as it were. Stay safe. Hope you are ok.
Rachel - 05/06/2013
Hi Sophie
Thanks for getting in touch.
Abuse is wrong and never okay. If you are suffering from emotional abuse it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of emotional abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do, and it’s important to try and find someone you trust to talk to.
This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).
Will
09/03/2013
I guess this will already have been pointed out, or questioned, but is there a reason why all of the videos portray males as the bully and females as victims. Surely this isn't always the case, and it's simply a case of prejudice against all males when in hetrosexual relationships.
ReplyIf anything, these videos stigmatise relationships in which the woman is the abuser even further making it even harder for the male to do anything about it - is this campaign supposed to help people, especially the vulnerable young people, or just embarrass lads in 'bad relationships'?
Thanks,
Will
Will - 09/03/2013
Hi Will
Thanks for your feedback.
We are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign. We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight. To be clear, the objective of this campaign is to help both boys and girls spot the signs of abuse in relationships and raise awareness of what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour. This site has lots of information and advice in the ‘your questions’ and ‘need help’ sections for males who have been victims of abuse and those in same sex relationships. It’s good that the campaign is prompting you to ask questions and seek more information.
We work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse and those in gay relationships, which you can view by clicking on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
We have also produced a video in partnership with Broken rainbow which is intended to provide advice and signpost help for LGBT victims of domestic violence.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U0ZJFdxCtg&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=2&feature=plcp
Maisie
05/03/2013
I was a victim of abuse from my ex boyfriend for a long time. It took me ages to break away from him.
ReplyHe lived with me for 5 weeks and I got to the point of having to hide my phone because if I got a text from a friend - whether male or female- I would be accused of being 'easy' or a 'cheat'.
He literally sucked every bit of life out of me, I didnt have any friends or life when we broke up.
I cried solidly for 3 days just to try and get over him.
Then I realised the way he actually made me feel. How he used to treat me and that. I realised that he actually broke me.. And that ending things was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Maisie - 05/03/2013
David
05/03/2013
Great videos, but I'm disappointed that they all represent male abuser/female victim.
ReplyPeople of either gender can be (and are) victims and abusers. Men are under more social/societal pressure to hide their feelings when they are victims of abuse, and having biased resources like this only serves to unfairly belittle their problems.
David - 05/03/2013
Hi David,
Thanks for your feedback. We are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign.
We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight.
To be clear, the objective of this campaign is to help both boys and girls spot the signs of abuse in relationships and raise awareness of what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour.
This site has lots of information and advice in the ‘your questions’ and ‘need help’ sections for males who have been victims of abuse and those in same sex relationships. It’s good that the campaign is prompting you to ask questions and seek more information.
We work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse and those in gay relationships, which you can view by clicking on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
We have also produced a video in partnership with Broken rainbow which is intended to provide advice and signpost help for LGBT victims of domestic violence.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U0ZJFdxCtg&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=2&feature=plcp
Tina
05/03/2013
This is wrong however, the victim doesn't always know that it's wrong
ReplyThe abuser normally makes you feel like you are the one in the wrong and that all they are doing is looking after you and it's your fault that they are acting out....
No-one should go through this...I was lucky an got out of my abusive relationship early but it's scary and takes a lot of courage to turn around and leave especially if you feel like you love that person.
But leaving is worth it in the end
Tina - 05/03/2013
klaudia
03/03/2013
its wrong i dont know why anyone would do it its not right and it is a option
Replyso dont do it its so so wrong
klaudia - 03/03/2013
PC
02/03/2013
I was just wondering if there were going to be any videos made on guys being abused in relationships? - There's a question specifically answered about guys being abuse (1 in 6) but all the videos are based on the same stereotype that girls are the only ones. I thought the existing videos were really good at getting the point across but perhaps some are needed so boys can see the way that it's not always girls being abused
ReplyPC - 02/03/2013
Hi PC,
Thanks for your comment. We are happy you support our campaign.
Most teenage boys have normal and healthy relationships. However, in abusive relationships the statistics show that it is usually the male in the relationship that is the abuser and the female the victim and therefore it is important for the campaign to reflect this.
Although we depict a female victim in the advert, the messages are relevant for both boys and girls, whether they are victims or abusers. We have provided advice and information on the site which points all victims to the help that they need, including specific help for male victims of violence and abuse through Respect and the Survivors UK. The discussion boards also serve as a forum where young people can pose questions and discuss the issue with their peers, and experts in the field.
Ebony
01/03/2013
This is wrong. But when you're the victim, you don't always see it.
ReplyThe other person in the relationship normally 'convinces' you in a way that he/she will always take care of you, always be there etc. But it's not always true..
Ebony - 01/03/2013
Alexis
26/02/2013
I am currently 16 and honestly I feel like giving up now. I was forced into a relationship with an 18 year old earlier this year, just before I turned 16.
ReplyI had a proper bad girl crush on him but I was sensible enough to not take it any further. He is just like the boy in the video. He checks my phone, facebook and twitter. He always accuses me of cheating. He hits me and mentally abuses me and I hate it.
He cuts me off from my mates. He lets his mates talk to me like I am a peice of dirt. They always inappropriatley touch me but he doesnt say anything. He laughs a lot of the time!
Alexis - 26/02/2013
Hi Alexis
Thanks for getting in touch.
Abuse is wrong and never okay. If you’re suffering from physical abuse, and signs can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour, it’s important to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
Emotional abuse can be just as bad, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of emotional abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do, and it’s equally important to try and find someone you trust to talk to.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
You can also hear from a survivor of domestic violence here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a8fsrPEaYQ&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=3&feature=plcp
kayleigh
17/02/2013
First of all if your partner said i would have knocked you to out if you and your friend were boys would that count as abuse or could make them turn abusive when they are older
Replysecond of all these two boys tried to lift my skirt up at school with a metre ruler and all one boy got was a few lunch time detentions and the did hardly anything about it does this count as some type of abuse i just want to know so i feel better ??
kayleigh - 17/02/2013
Hi Kayleigh,
Thanks for your post.
If your partner is threatening you then this does sound like abusive behaviour. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. You should try and find someone you trust to talk to if you are concerned - this doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
yolanda
11/02/2013
when i was 14 i was in a relationship with a boy he was 16 i had know him since i was 7
Replywe had been together for 3 years but after only 6 months he would keep going on about sex and how everyone was teasing him that he was going out with a virgin. it made me feel bad :(
after a year i still wasn't ready but he still would stop talking about it after my 15th birthday my mum and dad decided to go on holiday (i had to stay at home i had school and college) one day after school he came round to help me with my chemistry assignment then we watched a film... a bit later he started putting his hand down my top i grabbed his hand and told him to stop then he started shouting at me say that i was never going to be ready and that i might as well be a nun i just sat there and cried he said he was sorry and hugged me i believed him
a couple days later it was a mates 17th birthday party there was so much alchole i got tipsy and he walked me home next thing i know hes kissing me and pushing me up against a wall i told him i wasn't ready he just didn't listen i tried fighting him off but he was to strong there was nothing i could do it happened over and over again i don't want another girl to go through this
yolanda - 11/02/2013
dear yolanda im really sorry what happened to you if he ever trys to do that again just tell somewone beacuse it can really help you also they will try to help you and might contat the police beacuse this is not right gor him to do this to you. also he should listen to you beacuse if you are not ready then he should wait beacuse it is very wrong for him to go on like this if you need any help with this then just tell your parents your friends your teacher the police or sometimes his mates that he is doing these stuff for you if you do this then he wont touch you anlonger and you will be fine again and not stressed as well.
pleas take my advise.
charley.
charley - 27/02/2013
Hi Yolanda,
Thanks for your post. We are sorry to hear about this awful incident from your past.
It does not matter if you are in a relationship with someone or if they are a stranger. When someone makes you do something you do not want to do, it means you are not consenting and it is rape. It also does not matter if you start out by saying yes and then change your mind, or if you feel like you have 'given in'. It is also never OK to make someone feel bad if they don't want to have sex as this is a form of emotional abuse.
Rape is a crime and it should be reported. No matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
If you're under 18, you can also call ChildLine in confidence on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you're over 18, alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted.