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Is pressuring a partner to have sex abuse?
Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?
Speak Out against abuse
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Dev Lou
02/05/2012
Why do the Males always have to abuse Females honestly I could just flip
ReplyDev Lou - 02/05/2012
well no its not always men.
katie - 03/05/2012
Rasool
21/04/2012
I�m very happy and thankful after reading reply comments from your team it�s appreciated able. Especially now a days we need more help zone all over the county to safe before it harm someone. My charity can sport you particularly in college and universities level. My personal experiences have the ratio which we can see on media or on website is only 20% to 25%. This is a shame most of us just regret what we did or someone did with us that not enough.
ReplyRasool - 21/04/2012
C
16/04/2012
If an incident happened a few years back, can action still be taken? I was raped at 15 and am now 19, I feel horribly bitter about what happened that night. I presume it is normal to feel as though I could have done more to stop it?
ReplyC - 16/04/2012
Hi C
Thank you for you post and I'm sorry to hear about what happened in the past.
Historic allegation of rape can be reported if this is something you wish to do. There will not be any forensic recovery however the police can still investigate the offence.
However before you do so, it might be helpful to talk to an expert who can tell you more about the process and what to expect. You can find details of suitable organisations on the Need Help page.
If you do decide to report it, most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help.
Joseph
16/04/2012
hi, i just want to say how horrible i think it is that people would do this just to get sex off someone, i cant see how beating someone for sex would be worthwhile. I also feel it's important after reading these posts to say how sorry i am for people this has happened to, both men and women.
ReplyJoseph - 16/04/2012
John Black
16/04/2012
Having briefly read through all of the posts as as sad as it is to see the damage some males do.
ReplyI have a question in regards to 'rape' what if a man is raped by a women - is this actually even legal what should a man do if he is raped or sexually abused by a women - what does the law state as well?
John Black - 16/04/2012
Hi John Black
Thank you for your post and your questions. I think many people wonder about this as well.
By definition, Section 1 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 (i.e. rape) can only be committed by a man as for the offence to be committed there must be intentional penetration of the vagina, anus or mouth of another person with a penis.
A women can be convicted of a Section 2 offence (sexual assault), where there is intentionally penetration of the vagina or anus of another person (victim) with a part of his or her body or anything and object.
A person guilty of an offence under both section 1 and 2 is liable, on conviction on indictment, to imprisonment.
anon
15/04/2012
last night my boyfriend "fingered" me during my sleep i know this as I woke up with his fingers inside of me. It shook me up and now I don't know what to do as he says "i thought you were awake?" when i was definately asleep. I'm 19 years old and he is 20, i suffered child sexual abuse and 2 very violent rapes, what does this count as and should i still be in a relationship with him? :(
Replyanon - 15/04/2012
DON'T stay with him he obviously new you were asleep beause there is a big diffrence between being awake and asleep. Break up with him the sooner the better because that guy is a jerk. please respond to my comment and tell me if i helped thanks
Josh - 25/04/2012
Hi Anon
Thank you for posting on the forum and I'm sorry to hear about what happened.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
Many abusive behaviours in relationships are against the law. If they force you to carry out sexual acts or force you into sex, this is sexual abuse or rape. Being threatened or harassed by a partner is just as much a crime as violence from a stranger. If this is happening to you do not confront your partner on your own. Please speak to a trusted adult or the police.
This Is Abuse team - 16/04/2012
charlatte
12/04/2012
one of my mates ws grouped by a teacher ather school what should she do
Replycharlatte - 12/04/2012
Hi Charlatte
Thank you for posting your comment.
Being forced or pressured to have sex when someone doesn’t want to is rape and it is a crime.
Speak to your friend and help her understand that this was not her fault and there was nothing she could have done to prevent this.
You should encourage your friend to call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about the problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you they can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
E
12/04/2012
I remember being with someone and they asked for my virginity as their birthday present I refused but they got forceful and verbal telling me I was pathetic - is this abuse?
ReplyE - 12/04/2012
C
12/04/2012
I broke up with my bf of 2 years about 2 months ago. At first it was really good and we were laughing and just hanging out but then about a year and half into the relationship he just wanted to stay in his room and not go out. and would always try it on and if i pushed him off he would get upset and go in a mood with me, and was like please give me a BJ, and i would say no and he would say please i won't cum in your mouth etc. and in the end if he tried it i would just do it to save the arguements or the 'you don't like me anymore' blah blah. but i never wanted to do it with him since this happened but just did it. what do you think? he has said to me after i broke up with him he realised his mistakes and saw the rape advert and said hes sorry for making me feel uncomfortable in his room (i always wanted to go downstairs etc cos i knew where it would lead) and he felt really bad?? I know he means it but i just hated being like that
ReplyC - 12/04/2012
Jay
10/04/2012
I was out one night visiting a friend at Uni, i was very drunk, went back to his place and fell asleep in his bed. I woke up with him on top of me and i was completely naked (i dont remember taking my clothes off), i didnt want it, didnt say yes to him, but because i was in a drunk state was it my fault? Is it rape or sexual assault? can someone help me :(
ReplyJay - 10/04/2012
Jay
This was not your fault. If you didn’t consent, then you were the victim of a crime. Whether it was rape or sexual assault depends on what happened. You can read more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult
You may benefit from talking to someone about this. You can call the National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
Becca
09/04/2012
My friend got raped and she told me not to tell anyone. I tried to go to the police but she wouldnt let me. What do i do? I know its none of my buisness but i want to help her and i dont want her to suffer alone.
ReplyBecca - 09/04/2012
Hi Becca
Thank you for your post about trying to help your friend.
Being forced or pressured to have sex when someone doesn’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Speak to your friend and help her understand that this was not her fault and there was nothing she could have done to prevent this.
You should encourage your friend to call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about the problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you they can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
H
09/04/2012
Now a days people need to understand that in life there is always a limit to things. If you ever consider going beyond that limit then my friend their's something with you. People expect that in life they can get what they want and at the end of it. But the end result leads to people being hurt and problems occur. I am telling you the truth and a warning which people must remember before they cause any trouble for themselves. Be careful about what you intend to do before, during and after. You yourself could cause something grief for yourself, your family and friends and other people who know you very well because in reality you only get one shot to make things right. This means your life is over and these things you could call as demons will haunt you forever, as there is no way of turning back and making up for your mistakes. So I will leave the unmistakable question which you yourself should think about. How would you feel if the same thing happened to you, your mom or dad, brother or sister and any other person you care about?
ReplyH - 09/04/2012
shauna
08/04/2012
im a 20 year old woman and was in a minipulative relationship. if i refused sex with my boyfriend at the time he would say i was unattractive and why would he want me, let me fall asleep then continually wake me up to wear me out until i gave in. this doesnt have to happen walk away,. they dont love you you deserve better as a woman!
Replyshauna - 08/04/2012
Richard Heck
08/04/2012
As the parent of a teenage daughter, I just want to thank you for this campaign. It's very powerful.
ReplyRichard Heck - 08/04/2012
anon
07/04/2012
One night I went out with a group of friends, it was in the first month of uni so we were still all getting to know each other. I drank way too much and started feeling ill so my friends decided to take me home.. But then a guy from my hall who i had spoken to a few times said he'd take me back and they could stay .So he took me back in a taxi back to halls.. I don't really remember much. I was sick. We got back to halls then its all fuzzy and i cant really remember what happened.. I cant remember how it started but next thing i can remember is him having sex with me. I dont know how long it was for but after a bit i remember i pushed him off and told him to leave and he did..
ReplyObviously what he did wasnt honourable and gentlemanly but my friend said it was rape.. what do you think?
anon - 07/04/2012
Hi
The law says that:
In the offences of rape, assault by penetration, sexual assault and causing a person to engage in sexual activity without consent, a person (A) is guilty of an offence if (s)he:
• Acts intentionally;
• (B) does not consent to the act; and
• (A) does not reasonably believe that B consents.
Consent is defined as:
An agreement by choice and (B) (i.e. the victim) has the freedom and capacity to make that choice.
Person A has the responsibility to ensure that (B) consents to the sexual activity at the time in question. So if a person did not have the capacity to give their consent, and this was recognised by the other person, then this is rape.
You can read more about the law and consent here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult/consent
Hope this helps.
anon
07/04/2012
im 14 me and my boyfriend have been dating for a couple of months and he want to have sex i keep telling him im not ready but he keeps saying that if i loved him i would and that his going to tell people im fridgid what should i do!?
Replyanon - 07/04/2012
It is a common myth that “everyone is doing it”, but the average age for having sex for the first time is 16. Many people wait until they’re older. Even if you’ve had sex before it doesn’t mean you have to rush into doing it with your current boyfriend. Sexual relationships come with risks such as unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases and you always have the right to withhold consent. If he cares for you he will understand why you want to wait. As you are under 16 it’s actually against the law for you to have sex. If your boyfriend is older than 16 he could be charged with rape if you enter into a sexual relationship with him.
This Is Abuse team - 10/04/2012
Petra
07/04/2012
I'm 14 years old and a couple days ago an acquaintance of mine had recently moved house and was holding a house party. The guests ranged from about 14 to 16. It was crowded and the music was very loud but I was enjoying myself, although it was getting a bit rowdy. I couldn't find my friends so I went upstairs and sat at the top of the stairs, when a boy my age came upstairs to me. He was just trying to convince me to come downstairs and rejoin the party, but I told him that I wanted to get home. He then stroked my cheek and asked me to stay with him. It would have been romantic but then he slid his hand up my skirt and started rubbing my butt. I was trying to protest but he was stronger, he rolled up my top and undid my bra. He fondled my breasts with one hand and rubbed my clit with the other. I kept asking him to stop but he didn't and undid his zip and forced me to suck on his penis. he got on top of me and pulled down my knickers. I started to scream and cry but he hit me and covered my mouth. He was about to put it in but I think someone heard me shouting because they came upstairs. The boy threw me off him and quickly did up his zipper so I quickly ran back home. I haven't told anyone as i'm a little ashamed and he didn't actually have sex with me so i'm a bit unsure if it was rape :( What should I do??
ReplyPetra - 07/04/2012
Hi Petra
I’m sorry to hear about what happened to you. Being forced to have sex when you don’t want to is rape. This includes oral sex.
Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. Try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
Anonymous
06/04/2012
Was i used?
ReplyI met this guy last year and to cut a long story short, we had planned to meet up one evening. I BBM'd him and told him that i didnt want to have sex with him that night. He knew before we met up, so what was going on in his head? Anyway we were watching a film and he started kissing me and getting all touchy feely with me. I wasnt very comfortable but i didnt say anything to him cos i was nervous. He then said 'shall we go up to the bedroom?' and like a complete idiot i said yes. Thing is he didnt even bring protection with him (i did the responsible thing the next day and never ended up pregnant). He BBM'd me a few days after and asked if we could meet up again, i said yes but this time i ONLY wanted to talk. The day before we were gonna meet again he deleted me from BBM.. it seemed he only wanted sex. Was i used?
Anonymous - 06/04/2012
Nancy
06/04/2012
Me and my ex bf now from last week were going out for almost a year ... I lost my virginity to him and at first everything was fine but then he started getting really controlling like i wasnt aloud to have my blackberry anymore cause he thought i was talking to guys he went through my contacts and deleted most of my mates of it so i had to get a new phone and he used to check it to see if i was talking to anyone then he always used to coment on what a wore like if my breasts were showing just a lil bit he would tell me to pull my top up.. I know this is gunna sound a bit silly but cause were both in care we would have sex in the fields or toilets and at first it was fine having sex with him but then he started wanting it all the time and i didnt and first it he would try really hard to get me to have sex with him and when i said no he would get in a really bad mood with me .. After he started gettingb really abusive as in hitting me pushing me about so then when he started to want to have sex i started to get sceard in case he would hurt me so i just did what he said ... i was then in hospital for a couple of days to have my second op on my back and he knew what was going on with that and that im going to have a 3rd one but then cause i had the op i didnt feel confertible with my self i was really depressed .. So i told him look you need to start changing or i will leave you stop hurting me and shouting being rude to me and stop trying to have sex all the time ... Every time i tell him somthing like that he trys to twist it on me and blam me for going out talking to other boys when i dont but then after he wantes to have sex and a really didnt so he would just foce him self on me and i would keep telling him i didnt want to but then he would blam me and say its my fault for turning him on when i didnt even do anything and it used to get me so upset and angry i would tell him hes hurting me but he would just carry on .. And at that time i was so stupid i felt so small i couldnt stand up for my self i never went out i just stayed at home and only go out if i was goibg to see him then we went on a weekend away with two of my carers and him and all he wanted to do was have sex and i told him no i tryed really hard to get him not to cause i really didnt want to get in trouble i told him we got to get ready there waiting down stairs and would just tell me to be quite while hes trying to take me cloths of he said i will be quick and i told him i dont want to im not in the mood i said maybe later to try get him to stop but he wouldnt listen it just felt so wrong and hurt then i wouldnt talk and he would ask me whats wrong and i would say u know whats wrong and tell him but then he would just blam me infront of my carers i had to seem fine and they believed it.. he would always make me out to be the bad person when really it was him so aftet the weekend and i broke up with him and had enough of it all i was in hospital for my 3rd op and one off my carers was with me i tryed to tell her about it sort of did but she didnt seem to listen so i just dont know who to talk to about it and dont know what to do its getting me really down and upset and angry i just dont know what to do its like i just keep having bad luck with everything ..
ReplyNancy - 06/04/2012
Hi Nancy
I’m sorry to hear about what’s happened to you. If you can’t talk to your carer about it, is there anyone else you can trust? Perhaps a close friend or youth worker?
If not, you can always call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
anon~
04/04/2012
when i was 16, me and my boyfriend were watching a film in my room, he kept "trying it on" but i was pushing him away. he kept trying and wouldn't give up so i got up and walked downstairs (it was in my house) he followed me down, my brother was the only other person in the house, in his bedroom. Me and my boyfriend(at the time) sat on the sofa and he pulled me on him and tried again. I kept saying no, he pushed me off him on to the floor, pinned me down and wouldn't let me up. He un-done my buttons and 'did it'. Is this classed as rape? Since then i am paranoid about boyfriends, i can't trust any boys.
Replyanon~ - 04/04/2012
Hi Anon
Thank you for your post and sharing your story.
Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. If this has happened to you, try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
sorry but i forgot to add the first time that it would be essentially rape - not that id ever want to have hurt your feelings in my first reply (trouble is im not great at advice- but ill give it a shot) so like i said before be careful and always remember a relationship is about trust. don't worry - you'll get there - it might take time but if your not ready, your not ready. hope this helped.
Jo - 09/04/2012
yo anon - it'd be classed as rape if YOU yourself didn't want to do "it" then yeah, but if you felt it was OK and didn't essentially not want to - as in you were really distraught by the idea then it wouldn't because you decided to continue with it - l if you understand what I mean...? I' m 18 now so I get what you mean about being paranoid with boyfriends- I've had a lot of them in the past but I totally understand where your coming from. I hope this helped and yes be careful but don't let it override your relationships :D xx
Jo - 09/04/2012
Yes, that is rape. Please talk to someone about what happened to you.
Richard Heck - 08/04/2012
Remember that not all men are the same sweetie :/ It does class as rape because he had sex with you and you didn't want it. (I assume that's what you meant by 'did it'.) I find it hard to trust boys but you will find someone who will treat you as your deserve.
ANON - 08/04/2012
Yes, it's rape. You were unwilling and he even used to force to make sexual intercourse with you. Even a husband can rape his wife. Just because you share an intimate and bonding relationship does not give that person automatic and undisputable access to your body. Your body is YOUR body and YOUR temple. No one may force you to do anything you do not wish to at any time.
David - 06/04/2012
harvey
03/04/2012
why is it all men as the bad people can it not be women just to ask? (i got this from the videos )
Replyharvey - 03/04/2012
Obviously the target audience for this campaign is women under abuse by men. It is the most common form of domestic abuse, but it is true that it is not the only form. I think a video with a male victim should be produced and perhaps videos showing non-heterosexual relationships. I agree that it is wrong to insinuate that only males in heterosexual relationships are capable of abuse.
David - 06/04/2012
Hi Harvey
Anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female or male. This site has lots of information and advice in the ‘your questions’ and ‘need help’ sections for males who have been victims of abuse.
We work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse, which you can view by clicking on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
Mark Webster
03/04/2012
I was raped one night on the way home from work. I haven't reported it as it was male on male. I bled heavily for a few days but that stopped. I was left bruised and felt ashamed for a long time. I just face up to the fact I was attacked by another man.
ReplyMark Webster - 03/04/2012
Hello Mark. Get help, it wasnt your fault and you have nothing to be ashamed of, what happened was disgusting. Please talk to someone. I wish you well. Karen
Karen McGuire - 03/04/2012
Bella
29/03/2012
These are really good videos and I think would get the messages across to people very successfully. Are there any plans to make these more known, for example TV or cinema adverts? I think as many people as possible need to see them.
ReplyBella - 29/03/2012
Sam
28/03/2012
I started dating me ex just after i turned 18, he was older. At first things were really good, but then when there were personal things that i didn't want to tell him he would post comments on social networking sites, that weren't offensive but would lead to people asking questions, until i told him.
ReplyOne of the personal things was that I had a medical condition that required surgery to allow me to have sex. I had the surgery a few months into the relationship, he really didn't like that fact that another male (the surgeon) was seeing that part of me. His first question was about recovery time, when would i be able to have sex.
Weeks later I stayed over at his and he kept asking if i wanted to do it, i said no and he kept asking if i was sure and then he would say 'go on, why not?' We'd fooled around before but that mainly consisted of him convincing me to do things. I felt bad afterwards, shy and embarrassed about it all, now i know that i wasn't ready but i felt stupid being older than most and never having done anything like that.
The best thing happened to me when i moved to university, i became very independent and found lifelong friends. I spoke to one of my closest friends and she said it didn't sound right at all. I invited my ex up to uni a couple of times, once he brought condoms. I didn't have sex with him and broke up with him a while ago now.
During the process he called me quite a few harsh things and even threw the fact that i'd never slept with him back in my face. In the end i didn't recognize him anymore, he wasn't the person i'd first met. I know my story is nowhere near as bad as others but i'd like others in my position to know that it can be subtle and it's not ok - if you're not ready you're not ready.
Sam - 28/03/2012
Hey - i totally agree with you - im not the type to let it all out lol so im not so good at giving advice but your right.
Jo - 09/04/2012
Freya
27/03/2012
You're not being silly at all. Sometimes I feel like I should do things with my boyfriend because he wants to, but sex isn't just about one person and if you're in a relationship with a person then they shouldn't want to have sex with you if you don't 100% want to, because they should care about your feelings too. I think if you tell them how you feel then they may stop pressuring you, and if they don't then they definitely aren't worth your time.
ReplyFreya - 27/03/2012
hollie
27/03/2012
I often become so sick of hearing boyfriends keep asking for sex or sexual activities that I just give in and do what they want, wether I want to or not.
ReplyIs this wrong or am I being silly?
hollie - 27/03/2012
you shouldnt let them do that to you hollie
alice - 27/03/2012
Fiona
26/03/2012
Its hard to push someone away if your in that "situation" if the boy is a lot stronger than you, how can you push them off? I think before you have sex, you should be ready and in a long term relationship, and know that you can trust him/her before having sex. Its about trust really...
ReplyFiona - 26/03/2012
Jessica
25/03/2012
I met a guy when I was 15 on a school trip, I thought he was really nice and I liked him until he asked to meet up again a couple of weeks later. I went to his house and suddenly he was pressuring me into drinking, he was 17 so I thought he would be sensible enough not to do anything so I agreed to drink with him. Later he started kissing me and touching me and I didn't like it, I asked him to stop because I wasn't ready but he kept pulling my hands onto him and put his hand up my skirt, luckily I managed to get out before he had sex with me but it has really shaken me. Was this abuse/assault? I'm afraid to tell anyone because they might say I'm being pathetic or frigid. Help?
ReplyJessica - 25/03/2012
Hi Jessica,
Thank you for posting.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
anon
24/03/2012
I belive everyone deserves to be happy and in a relationship whereby they should only do things they feel comfortable with.
ReplyBeing called frigid and stubborn can be hurtful but those words are only associated with people who have self respect so in some way they can be positive words long term wise.
These videos arent made just for girls, there made for everyone to see if they have acted in such way before and one of these videos was a wake up call for some of my friends ,both girls and boys.
Being horny can make people act in a certain way and they may start to get over excited and by reading these comments it seems like most people who had sexually abused someone didnt even know they had done it. Not everyone that has been sexually abused needs to tell the person that emotionally damaged them, some people do and some people dont thats the reality
Some of my friends have avoided these situations but just, no one deserves to be raped or sexually abused but we (especially girls) should take the right precautions and be open to the consequences when doing certain things. For example drinking responsibly is important, i drink but have never been drunk and i always make sure that i am with someone else. It doesnt mean to say that i wont be a victim it just means that im narrowing those chances. Being in relationships is also another one, i know many girls that have boyfriends that they are sexually active with but have only known for weeks or even days. With actions come consequences but if being mature and responsible is a lifelong process. Rape and sexual abuse arent inevitable but i belive that they can be reduced and campaigns like this is abuse are amazing.
Im no expert and im still a teenager but i wouldnt want anyone to go through pain and horror.
anon - 24/03/2012
Lola
24/03/2012
Err so that first video is basically every encounter I had with my first boyfriend. It lasted a year and now ten years later I still can't associate love and sex and can only enjoy sex with someone I don't care about. I do really enjoy it, a lot of it, and with loads of people. Lately been wondering if that first guy is why I behave like this...
ReplyLola - 24/03/2012
Hannah
23/03/2012
Hello, when I was younger I went on to online dating sites etc before I was 16 and went along with someone I thought I trusted to show nudity.
ReplyBut he videoed it and then blackmailed me into being sexual on cam in front of him so I could have him delete the video and not send it out but he didn't.
I haven't told anyone and dont think I could because I feel like it is my problem to sort but I still think he has it and I still feel paranoid now, knowing that it is out there. I feel disgusted with myself.
Hannah - 23/03/2012
Hi Hannah,
Thanks for your post.
Being forced or pressured to take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable, and this filming is no exception. Understand that this was not your fault.
If you have been put under pressure to engage in intimate situations against your will try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Daisycat
21/03/2012
i was with my boyfriend for two and a half years. while we were together we had quite a strong sexual relationship, however he broke up with me two months ago. after we broke up we would often see each other at his house to talk about what had happened, i would get upset and he would comfort me. Once he said he really wanted to have sex with me, and so thinking that it would make him get back with me i did. after he just got up and walked out of the room. it's happened several times now and i don't know what to do. i still love him but i don't want him to use me as his sex thing until he finds someone new. i don't want to say no to him though because then i will lose him completely. is there any way i can say no to him and not make him angry?
ReplyDaisycat - 21/03/2012
Hi Daisycat,
Thank you for posting.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable.
If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
Anon
21/03/2012
When I was in year 8, I used to go onto online teen sites and talk to guys... I'm so lucky that the guys I spoke to were actually around my age (the oldest being 18), but they showed me things I shouldn't have known at such a young age.
ReplyIt might sound pathetic, but what I saw made me such a different person, and I find it incredibly hard to talk to guys. I've never had my first kiss and I judge that guys only want me based on if I'm easy or not or by how I look. What I saw on the internet and what I did on the internet, I felt pressured into doing. It was humiliating and degrading and it made me feel less of a person.
For a while, I thought that was how you were meant to feel. Sure it wasn't sex, but it has changed my view on everything. I'm 16 now, and I'm lonely.. I'd love a boyfriend, but I don't think I could let that happen for a long time, not until I trust them.
Sorry if this sounds silly, I know it's not being pressured into sex, but I think it comes under the same basis. Thank you for reading this (:
Anon - 21/03/2012
Hi Anon,
Thanks for your post and your honesty. We don't think you're being silly, and we're sorry to hear about this incident from your past.
Being forced or pressured to take part or witness sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
Even though this may have happened some time ago, it is important that you try to speak to someone about this if you can. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
fo
20/03/2012
I am aware that this may sound stupid:
ReplyI am 15 and a virgin but have done other stuff with a guy who i used to be involved with. he asked for it, but due to circumstances i barely ever saw him outside school. i wanted to, but i still felt pressured because i didnt want to have to do stuff at school. i did it anyway, but its now affecting my current relationship which is a strong one. does this count as abuse of any sort or is it me being stupid and not being able to say no.
fo - 20/03/2012
chelsea
19/03/2012
when i was ten my next door made me do things i didnt want me to do. and now everytime someone walks past me if my next door new him or not it felt like he had told them something. which made them look at me i feel that people are looking at me all the time
Replychelsea - 19/03/2012
Steph
19/03/2012
If, for example, i did not want to have sex with my partner, because i just didn't want to, but he still tried to push me, or started saying that it makes him feel unwanted or "we never have sex anymore" is this is a form of abuse? what's the best way to deal with it? because usually i have to think up an excuse, but i'm running out :/
ReplySteph - 19/03/2012
Steph, If he loves you then he can wait, sex should be enjoyable not forced, i was raped wen i was 16 while i was walking home from college, i realised afterwards that it was one of my exes. forced sex isnt right even if it is your partner. sit down with him and just tell him how you feel.
all the best Rosie xx
Rosie - 21/03/2012
heya steph
i have bin in the same as u and do u what i done is. sit dwon with and talk to him or if he love he will wait for u and if not then talk to same of ur mates for ur mum but if ho dose not wait then walk out on him and relationship is not all sex al the time
from sophia xxx
sophia - 21/03/2012
Charliee
18/03/2012
i'd just turned 14 and one of my closest male friends and me were on our own, in this forest, we sat down for a bit, then he stood over me, saying that i wasn't aloued to go home until i gave him something... so i did, i don't know weather this classes as rape/abuse or not...
ReplyCharliee - 18/03/2012
Hi Charliee,
Thanks for your post.
What happened to you was wrong. Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
If you have been put under pressure to have sex or engage in sexual acts when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
Leah
18/03/2012
Some people just want innapropriate things, and some don't. Most people dont get over it but some do. Its unacceptable that this happens. It happens to more women then men. Its horrid. It's never happened to me and I hope it wont but Im on the side for those people it did happen.
ReplyLeah - 18/03/2012
Cherry
16/03/2012
I think some guys have a really tough time when it comes to abuse, some are abused and others might never ever abuse someone. My boyfriend would never EVER pressure me and I know loads of guys that have suffered pressure and abuse from girls. Although it is probably more women than men who get abused, people tend to jump to conclusions about all men, especially teenagers.
ReplyCherry - 16/03/2012
[emoxgirl]
15/03/2012
I had sex when i was 13. He was an older boy and he said he'd break up with me if i didnt. he said it was what a relationship was about. i got pressured into it, and when i said no he would threaten to leave. i didnt stand up for myself, still havent. i didnt want to, but he made me.. i wasnt sure if you'd class that as rape, but its not right.
Reply[emoxgirl] - 15/03/2012
Basically- Yes, it is Abuse, and it counts as it was pressuring you.
If you are worried, or still traumatized about this, feel free to call up childine.org .... But what i will say that yes, it was unacceptable, i lost my virginity at early 13, but it wasn't due to rape on either side... But i can-and will not ever be able to pressure a girl into something- i know how much sex actually means to a girl, physically, mentally and emotionally...
Ben - 21/03/2012
kirsty
14/03/2012
I had sex with my ex when I was 13 after 4 months of him pressuring me, he manipulated me and made me feel bad for saying no until i eventually agreed to try, as soon as we started i asked him to stop and he didn't. I think about it quite a lot and I get upset that I didn't stand up for myself more and didn't wait because now years later I've found someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with and I wasted that special thing on someone who didn't even appreciate me. I did say yes at the start so I technically can't call it rape?
Replykirsty - 14/03/2012
Kirsty, being pressured into having sex when you don't want to is rape. He manipulated you for his own gain. You can move on though, like I did.
Sian - 17/03/2012
Anonymous
14/03/2012
I did not like it
ReplyAnonymous - 14/03/2012
diane
13/03/2012
I said no to a man I only new 10 min and He forced himself I call that rape
Replydiane - 13/03/2012
Hi Diane,
Thank you for posting.
Being forced or pressured to have sex against your will is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. If this has happened to you, try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
Jessie
13/03/2012
I've been raped by my ex-boyfriend twice last year, and I haven't let a word out until recently. I've found someone new in November thoguh, and he loves me so much, and I love him so much. we have much alike, and evil ex hasn't stepped through the door since. He had FINALLY left me. My current boyfriend is a real gentlemen, he will wait as would I obviously, even though I don't think I ever will have sex again due to the two incidents which had happened last year. Both me and him do get really upset and frustrated by it all sometimes once we talk about sex, but as long as we have each other, it wouldn't matter at all :') xxxxx
ReplyJessie - 13/03/2012
KIRK
08/03/2012
I've just read these comments, and so many are drom young men suffering at the hands of violent and demanding women, yet you stubbornly refuse to show this in your one sided, sexist and judgemental ads. When will you even the score and give men some rights too?
ReplyKIRK - 08/03/2012
Hi Kirk,
Thanks for your feedback. We are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign. We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight. This site has lots of information and advice in the ‘your questions’ and ‘need help’ sections for males who have been victims of abuse and those in same sex relationships.
We work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse and those in gay relationships, which you can view by clicking on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
N T
08/03/2012
Using force to get sex is sexual abuse. Both parties should discuss the issue and take compromise. But men as they believe they are fully entitled with the right of commanding sexual activities, they believe they are right to force a female for sex; what if they were also forced by a woman? Would they accept it?
ReplyN T - 08/03/2012
Vicki
07/03/2012
The biggest problem to boys understanding of rape is lads mags and porn that show using force and deception as okay to use on girls in order to get sex. Until the government deals with abuse being glamorised in men's media, then girls will never be free of male abuse.
ReplyVicki - 07/03/2012
i totally agree, and they seem to think all girls are like that, but in reality we're not and some of us even have a little bit more class... The government has a lot to fix.
char - 12/04/2012
Kezz
06/03/2012
I'm so amazed by this campaign, I have a 13 year old son and have always brought him up to respect other people. We will be looking at this site together, it will open a door & make the discussions easier to have, so thanks - to everyone who is living with or has survived abuse my thoughts are with you x
ReplyKezz - 06/03/2012
Fantastic. I think Ill be going through it with my younger brother as well, and informing him that if he ever sees it happen by someone else to tell teachers/parents about it.
Rob - 29/03/2012
i agree with your opinion
hinozia - 22/03/2012
I'm Confidential
05/03/2012
When I was 17 I fell in love with a girl I met at college, we spent nearly 10 years together until she began getting violent, physically and verbally, she would literally kick me and punch me as hard as possible, throw glass ash trays at me and come at me with a knife, when I phoned the police on her one evening I was the one taken out of the house and told to stay away or I would be arrested ?!!!
ReplyI think the UK services need to act fairly when it comes to abuse no matter what side it comes from, women can be just as violent as men.
I'm Confidential - 05/03/2012
You are so right!!! You're story effected me so much, and I am franlky fed up (wish I could use stronger words) with the sexism in the law! Rape is rape, abuse is abuse, whether the offender or victim is male OR female! People like you need help, and women like your ex-girlfriend need to be brought to justice. This is just so ridiculous, and it makes me so angry to think that there are so many people out there who are denied the help they need just because they're not female.
Lucy - 06/03/2012
Harry
06/02/2012
my girlfriend is hitting me repeatedly and calling me horrible nasty names. i have been getting very emotional recently because of this abusive behavior and i do not know what to do. She has threatened to do terrible things to me and my family if i leave her. please help me or give me some advice, i simply cannot take this foul behavior any longer
ReplyHarry - 06/02/2012
Hi Harry. Thanks for getting in touch. Please try and find someone you trust to talk to about the abuse you are experiencing in your relationship. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
Male victims of abuse of all ages can get help and support from the Men’s Advice Line on 0808 801 0327 or visit www.mensadviceline.org.uk email: info@mensadviceline.org.uk
Lisa
01/02/2012
I was out with my ex boyfriend and his best mate when my ex picked up the phone I stayed and talked to his mate, when we got back to his he shouted at me calle m various name and hit me. Luckily I got out of the relationship and have ony told my most trusted friend.
ReplyA girl at schol who I know quite wells gtting close to him he's asked her to go I don't want the same thing to happen to her I need to warn her of, because he's so clever about it. I just can't bring yself to actually tell her.
Lisa - 01/02/2012
Hi Lisa. Thank you for getting in touch. It isn't your responsibility to talk to her about this. But if you feel you can try having a quick chat with her and tell her what happened to you so that she knows. Tell her that you just wanted to make sure she had all of the information, so she can make her own mind up about it. We hope this helps and that it goes OK.
Courtney
10/01/2012
Repetedly at home i get treated like im nothing and ive gotten hit before lots and im basically emotionally and physically abuse and ive told a social worker but im to scared to tell me family what i did help!!!!
ReplyCourtney - 10/01/2012
this is the problem with being a dependent child in an unintegrated community... i've been there, not good at home but no easy way to leave home... if you can stick it out, nurture your own career and independence, get a reliable job asap, then leave home, you'll feel so much better when it's all done... but don't do it when you can't support yourself and don't do it if you think you'll miss your family too much. if you can talk to some family members, talk to them.
Dan - 20/03/2012
Courtney, you shouldn't have to put up with emotional or physical abuse.
You can talk through the problems you raised with ChildLine on 0800 1111 or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call Women’s Aid on 0808 2000 247, or email them on helpline@womensaid.org.uk.
Sally
23/12/2011
I am in love with this boy at school, and I'm scared of how to tell him, please help!!!
ReplySally - 23/12/2011
Sally, try and find someone you are comfortable with and trust to talk to about it. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with.
You could also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 for advice or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Henry
22/12/2011
Vicky, if you think you can, have a word with the guy, is he easy to talk to? I know from personal experience that some guys don't actually know they are pressuring/making a girl feel pressured into doing stuff. I had a girl tell me once that i was making her friend uncomfortable in the relationship, I stopped doing what it was and we were MUCH happier after. I REALLY hate relationship abuse, and to be told i was basically doing it was a BIG shocker, it got me to get my hormones under control and focus on being a good boyfriend! I hope this helps?
ReplyHenry - 22/12/2011
Emily
22/12/2011
Everyone at school keeps spreading stupid thing about my friend, they keep saying things like: is it true you had sex with your boyfriend? it really upsets her! what should i do?
ReplyEmily - 22/12/2011
Emily, you should try and find someone she trusts to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a youth worker or anyone else that she feels comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone she thinks she can talk to and that she feels comfortable with and trusts.
If they don't want to listen, keep encouraging her until she finds someone that does, she has the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
She can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where she can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively she can call Women’s Aid on 0808 2000 247, or email them on helpline@womensaid.org.uk
Jem
22/12/2011
Yeah, been there. Gave into it like a twat. I'd class that as rape, what a way to lose it
ReplyJem - 22/12/2011
charlie
20/12/2011
My girlfriend is abusive and pressures me into sex, she says if i don't have sex with her she will tell everybody i'm fridged, and then she hits me, and she tells me to tell people when that ask "why do i have bruises on your face ?" that i walked into a door, what should i do?, she is 3 years older than me and I'm 12.
Reply-
charlie - 20/12/2011
charlie, you shouldn't be in a relationship, you are way too young. in fact, the girl is a pervert and what she is doing is illegal. i really hope you are being legit and not joking because i really feel for you. the best thing to do is to get out of that relationship.
hilzy - 05/03/2012
Charlie, you should try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
MagickBorn
14/12/2011
My ex-boyfriend was like this. He pressured me into having sex with him, called me nice things to my face, treat me [bad] and use me and slag me off behind my back. I got out August 2011 when i found out he was trying to get this girl out behind my back. Since then i've found a guy who Doesn't even DREAM of even asking me to sleep with him, a real Gentleman who has a real heart. My ex has instead used a girl while was asking three others out behind her back. Seriously,
ReplyAt least now i have someone who treats me like the most important thing in life. I got out just in time i guess. even if i was engaged to him three times and almost gave everything i had for him to keep him happy.
MagickBorn - 14/12/2011
good for you!
hilzy - 05/03/2012
klara
02/12/2011
vicky, you must stop her from this abuse because if you don't she'll get to a situation where she won't be the same again.
Replyklara - 02/12/2011