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This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

Party

Is pressuring a partner to have sex abuse?

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape
  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical
  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Controlling Behaviour
  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP
  • Mandem On The Wall
  • Twist and Pulse
  • Charlie McDonnell
  • Bedroom
  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Sam & Alice
  • If you could see yourself
  • Zoe's story
  • School
  • Takeaway

Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?

what do you think? share your opinions

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Experts from Young People’s Services of Respect and AVA are reading and responding to posts on the site, to ensure that responses are independent, sensitive and helpful.

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Results: 30 - 45 of 100

  • Karolina

    18/12/2012

    Very different video. Very helpful to me. I have been very abused for many years (over 10), very much physically and very deep mentaly. If I could just see those videos 10 years ealier- my life would be safed.... But I was that isolated that I couldnt even think for my self, I could not eat what I wanted, didnt have any acces to the internet. Swedish POLICE have saved my life. Gosh such a nightmare.

    Reply

    Karolina - 18/12/2012

  • Lauren

    15/12/2012

    my's name is Lauren, i been sex abuse.

    help me what to do.

    the boy who is sex abuse with me i don't like it and im scared but i am been report to the police and made sure im ok.

    Reply

    Lauren - 15/12/2012

    • Hi Lauren, thanks for your post.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to you did the right thing by contacting the police. If you’re still scared and need someone else to talk to, try and find someone you trust such as a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

      Tempero Moderation 17/12/2012

  • N/A

    12/12/2012

    hi
    im not sure what to do but my girlfriend keeps trying to force me into sex and doing sexual activity i know im not ready but she dosnt see that im scared.
    What should i do.

    Reply

    N/A - 12/12/2012

    • Hi N/A,

      Thank you for posting.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

      If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

      Tempero Moderation 13/12/2012

  • danni

    11/12/2012

    i am 14 years old and i was with my boyfriend and my mates in a field i went of to go to the toilet then he followed my i sat down on the grass hoping he would go away he pushed me to the ground and pulled my trousers down i was so scared.

    3 weeks later i told the teachers at school about it but didnt tell them everything i told them that he sexual touched my body the teacher spoke to pastrol support she talked to me but non of the teachers belived me to this day.

    I have had one of the teachers telling me off at school coz they think that i give the lad horrible looks but everytime i see him i have a panic attack i feel as if nobody belives me i feel like they are laughing behind my back

    Reply

    danni - 11/12/2012

    • you are feeling uncomfortable and if no one beleives you then let them go. stand up for yourself and make a debate about. make the person make who had sexually abuse you. because the teacher didnt beleive dnt get overwelmed by that :) ask smeone who you know you can trust and ask help from them

      anna - 12/12/2012

    • Hi Danni

      Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

      If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

      Tempero Moderation 12/12/2012

  • 10/12/2012

    Abbey
    i'm 18 and my boyfriend pulled my trousers down i told him to stop but he didn't listen i'm afraid he'll do it again what should i do i'm scared but i LOVE HIM LOADS!!!!!!!!! and i don't now what to do please help

    Reply

    10/12/2012

    • Hello Abbey,

      Thank you for your message.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
      If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.
      If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

      Tempero Moderation 10/12/2012

  • Autumn

    06/12/2012

    i had sex with my current boyfriend to get back at someone who used me for sex. does it make it rape if he asked if i wanted to do anything and i really wanted to say yes but i was just really shy? because people have said it was a "rape" but i don't see it that way? am i wrong?

    Reply

    Autumn - 06/12/2012

    • Hi Autumn,

      Thanks for your message. Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. You're understandably confused about what happened between you and your boyfriend, but what's most important is that you reach your own clear conclusions based on the right information.

      Even if you decide it was not rape, it's essential that you're both comfortable with the physical boundaries of your relationship and that both of you know where that lies at all times.

      In law, rape is when a man forces his penis into the mouth, anus or vagina of another person when that person doesn't want him to do so; the law calls this 'without consent'. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime.

      If this has happened to you, please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can find out more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult

      Tempero Moderation 06/12/2012

  • L:ele

    04/12/2012

    It really doesn't just happen to women. It happens to men too, and although I understand you already know this, it would help a lot if it is portrayed in the media and in these options. Also, shouldn't the person being abused be able to stop it themselves? Such as in the party one, can't she just say no?

    Reply

    L:ele - 04/12/2012

  • L:ele

    04/12/2012

    It really doesn't just happen to women. It happens to men too, and although I understand you already know this, it would help a lot if it is portrayed in the media and in these options. Also, shouldn't the person being abused be able to stop it themselves? Such as in the party one, can't she just say no?

    Reply

    L:ele - 04/12/2012

  • Anonymous

    03/12/2012

    I am a 14 year old girl, and when I was at my cousins house the other week, we had this party, and my cousin is 17 and everyone had been drinking, except me.

    So my cousin keeps hugging me and everything, and because it;s on a farm we went to play on the hay bales with my brothers, they went back in and it was me and my cousin left outside. He had been touching me a bit earlier on in the evening, like on my bum and chest. I thought they wear just accidental nudges and stuff.

    But we were outside his house and he pushed me against the wall and started kissing me and rubbing his body against me, I tried to push him away but he is quite strong. He tried to unzip my trousers and put his hand in but I managed to push him off and I said "What are you doing, we are cousins" and he says "so".

    And tries to kiss me again but I ran inside and I haven't told anyone about this except for my best friend. I have to go there again this Christmas for another party and I'm worried about what will happen, I can't tell my parents or my brothers because they definitely wont understand. Help?

    Reply

    Anonymous - 03/12/2012

    • Hi

      Thanks for posting. Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable and is a crime.

      If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to, try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there, and it's important you get help as soon as possible especially if you're worried about this happening again.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, or chat to a counsellor online.

      If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you are in any immediate danger, you can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

      This Is Abuse team 03/12/2012

  • Anon

    01/12/2012

    Personally, i think teenagers have to help themselves, too. I know that this is very tragic, and it's a real shame that this happens, but a lot of young people knowingly put themselves in a risky situation. I am a 15 year old girl, and i find it very sickening when girls my age are already having sex, drinking every weekend with their friends, and just acting promiscuous 24/7. I have never had a single drink of alcohol in my life, and i NEVER intend on doing so. Nor have i ever been in a relationship with anybody, or had a sexual encounter. Alcohol has very badly ruined one side of my family, and i hate it when teenagers think it is clever and acceptable to drink until they cannot take account for their actions. Why does alcohol have to be involved if you want to have a good time? Surely there are other things to do, like go out to a sporting club, or going to listen to music concerts etc. Does anybody agree with what i am trying to say? Because i am starting to feel as if i am the only person my age who thinks and acts this way. I would really appreciate your views on this.

    Reply

    Anon - 01/12/2012

    • I just turned 14 and I fully agree. I've never had a boyfriend because I don't see the point in it especially if you're just going to go out with them so you can say you've been out with loads of lads.

      Also I don't see why alcohol has to be involved because soon enough everyone starts losing respect for you and thinking you're willing to do anything. There are also a lot of girls my age that smoke which I also disagree with.

      it - 29/12/2012

    • I think you are a wonderful, independent young girl and you should not feel weird, although I can understand why you do as I'm the same. Unfortunately, we are the exception. I'm 20 now, and don't speak to anyone from school anymore as we all became so different towards the end. When I was about 14, we were all so worried about being "frigid", that we would go to parties and get completely drunk off our heads just to give us the confidence to even kiss a boy. But, we'd end up kissing 7 or 8 boys in one night, not remembering any of it, and once I even went further with a boy. The problem is, I really liked that lad, but after that we weren't even really friends, because it was just so awkward! I'm not saying it was rape, not at all, I just feel so sad when I think back to my younger self, like why did I feel the need to do that? Now, I'm not against drinking, but I am against just drinking as much as you can until you can't remember what you did the night before. I mean how is that a good night? I'm with the most wonderful man and have been for near on 4 years now, who is caring and loving and when we explored our sexual relationship, it was so different to all my drunken encounters that I suddenly thought, what was the point of it all!? But, like I say, we are the exceptions. People my age are still going out, getting utterly blotto and going "oh my God, I ended up having sex with so and so in the club last night, urgh how horrible is he!" and laughing about it, and I'm just thinking, what are you doing with yourself? Have some self-respect for crying out loud.
      So, don't feel obligated to change just to fit in. You stay exactly as you are, because you'll find a real, good man one day, and you'll be much better off than those silly girls who put themselves in danger.

      Sunshine - 09/12/2012

    • I feel the same. I'm 14 and I know about a dozen girls in my school who have already had sex and I don't understand why they do it. I have never wanted to have sex until I am at least overage, I think it's weird. I've never had alcohol apart from a sip of wine, or a sip of beer at home.

      Ellie - 03/12/2012

    • Yes! I am 19 and am the same as you, only that I have the occasional small drink of wine with my parents and best friend. I have never been in a relationship and I know exactly how you feel, you're not alone :)

      Carrie - 03/12/2012

  • Madison

    09/06/2012

    It's ashame that these things do happen. And i agree, It isn't always men that pressure their girlfriends to have sex and i think they're should be more videos about the awareness of men being abused in a relationship as well as girls

    Reply

    Madison - 09/06/2012

    • This Is Abuse team - 13/06/2012

  • Dev Lou

    02/05/2012

    Why do the Males always have to abuse Females honestly I could just flip

    Reply

    Dev Lou - 02/05/2012

    • well no its not always men.

      katie - 03/05/2012

  • Rasool

    21/04/2012

    Iâm very happy and thankful after reading reply comments from your team itâs appreciated able. Especially now a days we need more help zone all over the county to safe before it harm someone. My charity can sport you particularly in college and universities level. My personal experiences have the ratio which we can see on media or on website is only 20% to 25%. This is a shame most of us just regret what we did or someone did with us that not enough.

    Reply

    Rasool - 21/04/2012

  • C

    16/04/2012

    If an incident happened a few years back, can action still be taken? I was raped at 15 and am now 19, I feel horribly bitter about what happened that night. I presume it is normal to feel as though I could have done more to stop it?

    Reply

    C - 16/04/2012

    • Hi C

      Thank you for you post and I'm sorry to hear about what happened in the past.

      Historic allegation of rape can be reported if this is something you wish to do. There will not be any forensic recovery however the police can still investigate the offence.

      However before you do so, it might be helpful to talk to an expert who can tell you more about the process and what to expect. You can find details of suitable organisations on the Need Help page.

      If you do decide to report it, most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help.

      This Is Abuse team 17/04/2012

  • Joseph

    16/04/2012

    hi, i just want to say how horrible i think it is that people would do this just to get sex off someone, i cant see how beating someone for sex would be worthwhile. I also feel it's important after reading these posts to say how sorry i am for people this has happened to, both men and women.

    Reply

    Joseph - 16/04/2012

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Results: 30 - 45 of 100

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