Party
Is pressuring a partner to have sex abuse?
Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?
Is pressuring a partner to have sex abuse?
Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?
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L:ele
04/12/2012
It really doesn't just happen to women. It happens to men too, and although I understand you already know this, it would help a lot if it is portrayed in the media and in these options. Also, shouldn't the person being abused be able to stop it themselves? Such as in the party one, can't she just say no?
ReplyL:ele - 04/12/2012
Anonymous
03/12/2012
I am a 14 year old girl, and when I was at my cousins house the other week, we had this party, and my cousin is 17 and everyone had been drinking, except me.
ReplySo my cousin keeps hugging me and everything, and because it;s on a farm we went to play on the hay bales with my brothers, they went back in and it was me and my cousin left outside. He had been touching me a bit earlier on in the evening, like on my bum and chest. I thought they wear just accidental nudges and stuff.
But we were outside his house and he pushed me against the wall and started kissing me and rubbing his body against me, I tried to push him away but he is quite strong. He tried to unzip my trousers and put his hand in but I managed to push him off and I said "What are you doing, we are cousins" and he says "so".
And tries to kiss me again but I ran inside and I haven't told anyone about this except for my best friend. I have to go there again this Christmas for another party and I'm worried about what will happen, I can't tell my parents or my brothers because they definitely wont understand. Help?
Anonymous - 03/12/2012
Hi
Thanks for posting. Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable and is a crime.
If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to, try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there, and it's important you get help as soon as possible especially if you're worried about this happening again.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, or chat to a counsellor online.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you are in any immediate danger, you can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
Anon
01/12/2012
Personally, i think teenagers have to help themselves, too. I know that this is very tragic, and it's a real shame that this happens, but a lot of young people knowingly put themselves in a risky situation. I am a 15 year old girl, and i find it very sickening when girls my age are already having sex, drinking every weekend with their friends, and just acting promiscuous 24/7. I have never had a single drink of alcohol in my life, and i NEVER intend on doing so. Nor have i ever been in a relationship with anybody, or had a sexual encounter. Alcohol has very badly ruined one side of my family, and i hate it when teenagers think it is clever and acceptable to drink until they cannot take account for their actions. Why does alcohol have to be involved if you want to have a good time? Surely there are other things to do, like go out to a sporting club, or going to listen to music concerts etc. Does anybody agree with what i am trying to say? Because i am starting to feel as if i am the only person my age who thinks and acts this way. I would really appreciate your views on this.
ReplyAnon - 01/12/2012
I just turned 14 and I fully agree. I've never had a boyfriend because I don't see the point in it especially if you're just going to go out with them so you can say you've been out with loads of lads.
Also I don't see why alcohol has to be involved because soon enough everyone starts losing respect for you and thinking you're willing to do anything. There are also a lot of girls my age that smoke which I also disagree with.
it - 29/12/2012
I think you are a wonderful, independent young girl and you should not feel weird, although I can understand why you do as I'm the same. Unfortunately, we are the exception. I'm 20 now, and don't speak to anyone from school anymore as we all became so different towards the end. When I was about 14, we were all so worried about being "frigid", that we would go to parties and get completely drunk off our heads just to give us the confidence to even kiss a boy. But, we'd end up kissing 7 or 8 boys in one night, not remembering any of it, and once I even went further with a boy. The problem is, I really liked that lad, but after that we weren't even really friends, because it was just so awkward! I'm not saying it was rape, not at all, I just feel so sad when I think back to my younger self, like why did I feel the need to do that? Now, I'm not against drinking, but I am against just drinking as much as you can until you can't remember what you did the night before. I mean how is that a good night? I'm with the most wonderful man and have been for near on 4 years now, who is caring and loving and when we explored our sexual relationship, it was so different to all my drunken encounters that I suddenly thought, what was the point of it all!? But, like I say, we are the exceptions. People my age are still going out, getting utterly blotto and going "oh my God, I ended up having sex with so and so in the club last night, urgh how horrible is he!" and laughing about it, and I'm just thinking, what are you doing with yourself? Have some self-respect for crying out loud.
So, don't feel obligated to change just to fit in. You stay exactly as you are, because you'll find a real, good man one day, and you'll be much better off than those silly girls who put themselves in danger.
Sunshine - 09/12/2012
I feel the same. I'm 14 and I know about a dozen girls in my school who have already had sex and I don't understand why they do it. I have never wanted to have sex until I am at least overage, I think it's weird. I've never had alcohol apart from a sip of wine, or a sip of beer at home.
Ellie - 03/12/2012
Yes! I am 19 and am the same as you, only that I have the occasional small drink of wine with my parents and best friend. I have never been in a relationship and I know exactly how you feel, you're not alone :)
Carrie - 03/12/2012
Madison
09/06/2012
It's ashame that these things do happen. And i agree, It isn't always men that pressure their girlfriends to have sex and i think they're should be more videos about the awareness of men being abused in a relationship as well as girls
ReplyMadison - 09/06/2012
This Is Abuse team - 13/06/2012
Dev Lou
02/05/2012
Why do the Males always have to abuse Females honestly I could just flip
ReplyDev Lou - 02/05/2012
well no its not always men.
katie - 03/05/2012
Rasool
21/04/2012
I’m very happy and thankful after reading reply comments from your team it’s appreciated able. Especially now a days we need more help zone all over the county to safe before it harm someone. My charity can sport you particularly in college and universities level. My personal experiences have the ratio which we can see on media or on website is only 20% to 25%. This is a shame most of us just regret what we did or someone did with us that not enough.
ReplyRasool - 21/04/2012
C
16/04/2012
If an incident happened a few years back, can action still be taken? I was raped at 15 and am now 19, I feel horribly bitter about what happened that night. I presume it is normal to feel as though I could have done more to stop it?
ReplyC - 16/04/2012
Hi C
Thank you for you post and I'm sorry to hear about what happened in the past.
Historic allegation of rape can be reported if this is something you wish to do. There will not be any forensic recovery however the police can still investigate the offence.
However before you do so, it might be helpful to talk to an expert who can tell you more about the process and what to expect. You can find details of suitable organisations on the Need Help page.
If you do decide to report it, most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help.
Joseph
16/04/2012
hi, i just want to say how horrible i think it is that people would do this just to get sex off someone, i cant see how beating someone for sex would be worthwhile. I also feel it's important after reading these posts to say how sorry i am for people this has happened to, both men and women.
ReplyJoseph - 16/04/2012
John Black
16/04/2012
Having briefly read through all of the posts as as sad as it is to see the damage some males do.
ReplyI have a question in regards to 'rape' what if a man is raped by a women - is this actually even legal what should a man do if he is raped or sexually abused by a women - what does the law state as well?
John Black - 16/04/2012
Hi John Black
Thank you for your post and your questions. I think many people wonder about this as well.
By definition, Section 1 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 (i.e. rape) can only be committed by a man as for the offence to be committed there must be intentional penetration of the vagina, anus or mouth of another person with a penis.
A women can be convicted of a Section 2 offence (sexual assault), where there is intentionally penetration of the vagina or anus of another person (victim) with a part of his or her body or anything and object.
A person guilty of an offence under both section 1 and 2 is liable, on conviction on indictment, to imprisonment.
anon
15/04/2012
last night my boyfriend "fingered" me during my sleep i know this as I woke up with his fingers inside of me. It shook me up and now I don't know what to do as he says "i thought you were awake?" when i was definately asleep. I'm 19 years old and he is 20, i suffered child sexual abuse and 2 very violent rapes, what does this count as and should i still be in a relationship with him? :(
Replyanon - 15/04/2012
DON'T stay with him he obviously new you were asleep beause there is a big diffrence between being awake and asleep. Break up with him the sooner the better because that guy is a jerk. please respond to my comment and tell me if i helped thanks
Josh - 25/04/2012
Hi Anon
Thank you for posting on the forum and I'm sorry to hear about what happened.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
Many abusive behaviours in relationships are against the law. If they force you to carry out sexual acts or force you into sex, this is sexual abuse or rape. Being threatened or harassed by a partner is just as much a crime as violence from a stranger. If this is happening to you do not confront your partner on your own. Please speak to a trusted adult or the police.
This Is Abuse team - 16/04/2012
charlatte
12/04/2012
one of my mates ws grouped by a teacher ather school what should she do
Replycharlatte - 12/04/2012
Hi Charlatte
Thank you for posting your comment.
Being forced or pressured to have sex when someone doesn’t want to is rape and it is a crime.
Speak to your friend and help her understand that this was not her fault and there was nothing she could have done to prevent this.
You should encourage your friend to call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about the problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you they can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
E
12/04/2012
I remember being with someone and they asked for my virginity as their birthday present I refused but they got forceful and verbal telling me I was pathetic - is this abuse?
ReplyE - 12/04/2012
yes
Lauren - 04/12/2012
C
12/04/2012
I broke up with my bf of 2 years about 2 months ago. At first it was really good and we were laughing and just hanging out but then about a year and half into the relationship he just wanted to stay in his room and not go out. and would always try it on and if i pushed him off he would get upset and go in a mood with me, and was like please give me a BJ, and i would say no and he would say please i won't cum in your mouth etc. and in the end if he tried it i would just do it to save the arguements or the 'you don't like me anymore' blah blah. but i never wanted to do it with him since this happened but just did it. what do you think? he has said to me after i broke up with him he realised his mistakes and saw the rape advert and said hes sorry for making me feel uncomfortable in his room (i always wanted to go downstairs etc cos i knew where it would lead) and he felt really bad?? I know he means it but i just hated being like that
ReplyC - 12/04/2012
I had a relationship exactly like that.you should not feel bad
you might of loved him but that is no way to make a girl feel!
Jo-Jo - 21/12/2012
Jay
10/04/2012
I was out one night visiting a friend at Uni, i was very drunk, went back to his place and fell asleep in his bed. I woke up with him on top of me and i was completely naked (i dont remember taking my clothes off), i didnt want it, didnt say yes to him, but because i was in a drunk state was it my fault? Is it rape or sexual assault? can someone help me :(
ReplyJay - 10/04/2012
Jay
This was not your fault. If you didn’t consent, then you were the victim of a crime. Whether it was rape or sexual assault depends on what happened. You can read more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult
You may benefit from talking to someone about this. You can call the National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
Becca
09/04/2012
My friend got raped and she told me not to tell anyone. I tried to go to the police but she wouldnt let me. What do i do? I know its none of my buisness but i want to help her and i dont want her to suffer alone.
ReplyBecca - 09/04/2012
Hi Becca
Thank you for your post about trying to help your friend.
Being forced or pressured to have sex when someone doesn’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Speak to your friend and help her understand that this was not her fault and there was nothing she could have done to prevent this.
You should encourage your friend to call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about the problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you they can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.