Party
Is pressuring a partner to have sex abuse?
Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?
Is pressuring a partner to have sex abuse?
Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?
Please read and accept these rules below before commenting. All of the comments you post on this website are treated confidentially and moderated.
Stay safe – don't include any personal information in your comments, such as your surname, email address, street address and phone number.
Don't include the personal details of anyone else in your posts (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers or group leaders).
Don't go off topic - keep your comments relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate. People want their opinions to be heard – don't shout them down.
Don't post crude, racist, offensive, violent or vulgar messages to the site.
Treat everyone with respect – even if someone has a different view to your own, don't let it get personal.
Don't glamorise illegal or dangerous activities, including violence of any kind. It's ok to talk about your experiences but you shouldn't encourage others to do anything illegal or dangerous.
Don't write anything that's untrue about anyone else (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers, group leaders and famous people). Don't write anything that could harm anyone else's reputation.
This isn't a dating site – it's a platform to talk about teenage relationship abuse and your opinions on the matter; don't use it to meet or flirt with other people.
Don't write everything in CAPS – it's the equivalent of shouting and isn't polite or easy for everyone to read.
Don't post entire messages in text speak – it's ok to shorten some words but not everyone understands text speak or finds it easy to read.
It's ok to post links to other websites as long as they're relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate and don't break the house rules in any way.
Don't break copyright rules. This means that you shouldn't post text you didn't write.
Ahmed
02/01/2013
It is not only boy that rape I have been raped by a girl before
ReplyAhmed - 02/01/2013
Hi Amed
Thanks for getting in touch, we are sorry that you have suffred a traumatic experience in the past.
The law says that rape can only be committed by a man as for the offence to be committed there must be intentional penetration of the mouth, vagina or anus of another person with a penis. A woman can be convicted of sexual assault, which includes other sexual acts (e.g. intentional penetration of the vagina or anus of another person with a part of her body or an object). Both are crimes and can result in imprisonment. You can read more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult
If you're a young man who's experiencing violence at the hands of your female partner (and this may include being pressured into sexual activities you don't want) then it may be especially hard for you to tell someone.
Some people have told us that they would feel less manly if someone knew that were being abused by a girl, that it would be shameful. And others have told us about situations where their female partner threatened to tell authorities that they were being abused by them in order to keep them silent.
Talking about what's happening is really important and you can get help if your partner is violent, controlling or sexually abusive. Try talking to a trusted adult. If you don’t think you can do this, you can speak in confidence by calling the helpline for males experiencing domestic abuse. Call freephone 0808 801 0327, email info@mensadviceline.org.uk or visit www.mensadviceline.org.uk
SurvivorsUK supports adult men over the age of 18 who have experienced sexual violation at any time in their lives. They offer a helpline for male survivors, their friends, family and carers on 0845 1221201 (Mon/Tues 7-9.30pm and Thurs 12-2.30pm) and a London based counselling service offering low cost individual counselling and group therapy: www.survivorsuk.org / info@survivorsuk.org
Dudley Safe and Sound partnership have also produced a video which provides advice for male victims of relationship abuse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
becuz
01/01/2013
what should i do if the video is not working
Replybecuz - 01/01/2013
...... That's not really what this forums for.
Josh - 05/02/2013
Anonymous
31/12/2012
how do u know if you have been raped
ReplyAnonymous - 31/12/2012
Thank you for your recent enquiry Anonymous.
Rape is when a man forces his penis into the mouth, anus or vagina of another person when that person doesn't want him to do so; the law calls this 'without consent'. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. If this has happened to you then understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
If you have experienced this no matter when it happened please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
You can find out more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult
??unknown??
27/12/2012
To anyone that has been raped or abused, I say this:
ReplyIt wasn't your fault, so don't start to feel like it is. I know this is easier typed then done, and I (fortunetly for me) have never come close to being raped, so i don't know what it must be like. Just try to hold your head high and don't be afraid to tell anyone.
??unknown?? - 27/12/2012
amarachi
26/12/2012
Pls let stop rape today
Replyamarachi - 26/12/2012
Josh
24/12/2012
I find this campaign very one sided and sexist towards men;
Replythe issue of abuse towards men from women needs to be highlighted.
I am not trivialising or devaluing the issue of women being raped, however I believe this issue is very important
Josh - 24/12/2012
Hi Josh,
Thanks for your feedback and we take your points on board. We are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign.
But to be absolutely clear, we are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight. This site has lots of information and advice in the ‘your questions’ and ‘need help’ sections for males who have been victims of abuse and those in same sex relationships.
We work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse and those in gay relationships, which you can view by clicking on this link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
We have also produced a video in partnership with Broken rainbow which is intended to provide advice and signpost help for LGBT victims of domestic violence:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U0ZJFdxCtg&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=2&feature=plcp
Matt
23/12/2012
Yeah it is, but all of these videos portray men as the bad people.
ReplyThat is both stereotypical and offensive. Its not just men. Get it right.
Matt - 23/12/2012
Emma
21/12/2012
One day my ex invited me round to watch a film whilst the film was on he started kissing me and i kissed him back until he started feeling my breasts. At this point i pushed him away, but he did not take no for an answer he carried on feeling me until he decided to rub my nether regions.
ReplyI screamed and yelled help but he just punched me and almost broke my nose. I soon after forgave him due to recent events he went through. I soon started dating a guy i liked for about three years me and my boyfriend went round to my ex's house to "chill".
My boyfriend and my ex sat on the bed so i sat on my boyfriends knee and soon fell asleep i woke up to my ex's hand on my rear. I told my boyfriend and he just stormed out , I ran after him and he told me he didn't believe me and then some time later broke up with me, ever since those two occasions he always tries to have a "go " with me and it ALWAYS leaves me hurt/scarred.
Emma - 21/12/2012
Hi Emma,
Thanks for your post. It took courage to come this far. And while we're glad to hear you're no longer in these relationships, both of which were unhealthy and possessive-abusive in their different ways, it's important that you now seek advice on healing these scars for yourself, not these men.
Victims of physical and sexual abuse often blame themselves. However, the responsibility lies solely with the abuser, never with you. This can be hard to get your head around, as can still caring for that person. Again, that is completely normal and many people are torn between loving a person and hating their behaviour. Just because the abuse came from a partner and not a stranger, does not mean you were complicit in this.
It's crucial you find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can confide in.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).
You can also hear from a survivor of domestic violence http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a8fsrPEaYQ&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=3&feature=plcp
Karolina
18/12/2012
Very different video. Very helpful to me. I have been very abused for many years (over 10), very much physically and very deep mentaly. If I could just see those videos 10 years ealier- my life would be safed.... But I was that isolated that I couldnt even think for my self, I could not eat what I wanted, didnt have any acces to the internet. Swedish POLICE have saved my life. Gosh such a nightmare.
ReplyKarolina - 18/12/2012
Lauren
15/12/2012
my's name is Lauren, i been sex abuse.
Replyhelp me what to do.
the boy who is sex abuse with me i don't like it and im scared but i am been report to the police and made sure im ok.
Lauren - 15/12/2012
Hi Lauren, thanks for your post.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to you did the right thing by contacting the police. If you’re still scared and need someone else to talk to, try and find someone you trust such as a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.
N/A
12/12/2012
hi
Replyim not sure what to do but my girlfriend keeps trying to force me into sex and doing sexual activity i know im not ready but she dosnt see that im scared.
What should i do.
N/A - 12/12/2012
Hi N/A,
Thank you for posting.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
danni
11/12/2012
i am 14 years old and i was with my boyfriend and my mates in a field i went of to go to the toilet then he followed my i sat down on the grass hoping he would go away he pushed me to the ground and pulled my trousers down i was so scared.
Reply3 weeks later i told the teachers at school about it but didnt tell them everything i told them that he sexual touched my body the teacher spoke to pastrol support she talked to me but non of the teachers belived me to this day.
I have had one of the teachers telling me off at school coz they think that i give the lad horrible looks but everytime i see him i have a panic attack i feel as if nobody belives me i feel like they are laughing behind my back
danni - 11/12/2012
you are feeling uncomfortable and if no one beleives you then let them go. stand up for yourself and make a debate about. make the person make who had sexually abuse you. because the teacher didnt beleive dnt get overwelmed by that :) ask smeone who you know you can trust and ask help from them
anna - 12/12/2012
Hi Danni
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
10/12/2012
10/12/2012
Hello Abbey,
Thank you for your message.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
Autumn
06/12/2012
i had sex with my current boyfriend to get back at someone who used me for sex. does it make it rape if he asked if i wanted to do anything and i really wanted to say yes but i was just really shy? because people have said it was a "rape" but i don't see it that way? am i wrong?
ReplyAutumn - 06/12/2012
Hi Autumn,
Thanks for your message. Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. You're understandably confused about what happened between you and your boyfriend, but what's most important is that you reach your own clear conclusions based on the right information.
Even if you decide it was not rape, it's essential that you're both comfortable with the physical boundaries of your relationship and that both of you know where that lies at all times.
In law, rape is when a man forces his penis into the mouth, anus or vagina of another person when that person doesn't want him to do so; the law calls this 'without consent'. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime.
If this has happened to you, please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
You can find out more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult
L:ele
04/12/2012
It really doesn't just happen to women. It happens to men too, and although I understand you already know this, it would help a lot if it is portrayed in the media and in these options. Also, shouldn't the person being abused be able to stop it themselves? Such as in the party one, can't she just say no?
ReplyL:ele - 04/12/2012