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This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

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Is pressuring a partner to have sex abuse?

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape
  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical
  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Controlling Behaviour
  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP
  • Mandem On The Wall
  • Twist and Pulse
  • Charlie McDonnell
  • Bedroom
  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Sam & Alice
  • If you could see yourself
  • Zoe's story
  • School
  • Takeaway

Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?

what do you think? share your opinions

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Results: 15 - 30 of 101

  • anon

    11/01/2013

    I really don't know how to say this and I've never told anyone but even since the age of 9 my cousin ( second cousin) he's been trying to have sex with me. He kept touching me everywhere even though I kept saying no. But he carried on.

    Also I was at a party and I got a drunk and I went upstairs to go to sleep but then someone came and forced himself on top of me. I felt weak and confused and I couldn't even scream. I tried my best to get him off me but he too strong and he raped me.

    Reply

    anon - 11/01/2013

    • dont worry babe, i should tell someone, even if your too scared or shy, he cant do what he did to you, i hope your alright, but if he is your cousin i should tell someone xox

      chloe - 12/01/2013

    • Hi Anon

      Thanks for getting in touch, we are sorry to hear about your experiences.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime.

      Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      If this has happened to you, try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Tempero Moderation 12/01/2013

  • tall

    11/01/2013

    my boyfriend wants me to do it so badly and i can see hes desperate enough to go of with another gal

    i relly love him i dnt want him to leave me
    what shud i do ? shud i let him do iut even if i dnt want him to ?

    plese help

    Reply

    tall - 11/01/2013

    • I'm sorry u feel u have 2 compromise yourself 2 please him. U r prepare 2 sacrifice 4 love but he is not. If he leaves,beter sooner than l8er. He should respect ur decision and love u enough 2 wait. If not, he probably will still leave even after u have given in 2 his desires. U will hurt when he leaves because u didn't give in but u will feel betrayed, foolish and hurt if he still leaves after u have pleased him. Stay strong and do what u r prepared 2 live with,no regrets.

      Wendy - 06/02/2013

    • Hi tall.

      If this man would go of with another girl just so he could have sex with her, then he isn't worth being with you. Sex is your choice, and yours alone. If you want to have sex with him then its your choice, but if he tries to force or pressure you into it, then it's rape. Wait till your ready, and if you love him, and he loves you, then he will respect your decision and will WAIT. Otherwise, he isn't worth it. Do what you want, and only what you want!

      Well done for seeking help, and I hope your relationship remains happy and unpressured :)

      Josh - 05/02/2013

    • Hy, I'm Richard.

      I saw your compliment & think that if you don't want 2 have sex with him, then just say that ither your not ready, you don't want 2 or that you think that it's wrong...

      What I'm trying 2 get at is, it's your choice, if you don't want 2 have sex with your bf, then you don't have2.

      & if he trys 2 rape you tell ither your parents, teacher, friends, relitives, and also u can call the police.

      "Do what you think is right." ;)

      Richard - 13/01/2013

    • Hi tall,
      Thank you for posting.

      It is a common myth that “everyone is doing it”, but the average age for having sex for the first time is 16. Many people wait until they’re older.
      Even if you’ve had sex before it doesn’t mean you have to rush into doing it with your current boyfriend.

      Sexual relationships come with risks such as unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases and you always have the right to withhold concent. If he cares for you he will understand why you want to wait.

      If you are under 16 it’s against the law for you to have sex. If your boyfriend is older than 16 he could be charged with rape if you enter into a sexual relationship with him.

      If you’ve been forced by your boyfriend to have sex against your will (or suffered any form of sexual abuse) then this is rape (it doesn’t matter that you are going out with each other) and you need to inform a trusted adult.

      If you want to speak to somebody in confidence contact Rape Crisis on 0808 802 9999.

      Tempero Moderation 11/01/2013

  • anon

    10/01/2013

    My boyfriend knew that i really, really didn't want to have sex, but he told me that he needed me to because every time i said no, he felt 'unwanted', and said there was nothing else i could do to make him feel wanted.

    I refused, until i next saw him and we were doing stuff, and i gave in. He just paused for a minute when i told him in really hurt, and just said "It's okay", kissed me and carried on when i cried. I pretended to enjoy it, and felt quite awful afterwards.

    Every other time i've seen him, he's asked, and every time i refuse he gets annoyed or sad, asking me if i remember the reason i did it in the first place. It makes me feel really horrible, so i end up just giving in again, pretending to like it again. i think that it's all my fault, but i've got a very low opinion of myself.

    I don't know what i can do, because he cries and gets upset very easily. i already know it's bad, i'm 15, he's 16...

    Reply

    anon - 10/01/2013

    • Listen babe i had the exactly the same experience as you , only a year ago when i was 15. See with me every time i said no he would make me feel bad about refusing and i used just give in and then ill feel even more terrible. Babe what you gotta know is that its not your fault and this "boyfriend shouldn't be pressuring you and making you feel bad because you don't want to have sex with him.If he really loved you he would respect that and move on but to me he seams like he needs help and babe don't ever blame yourself. next time don't give into some one by a click of a finger xoxox

      Tamara - 22/02/2013

    • Hi Anon,
      Thank you for posting.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable.

      Sex with any girl/boy under 16, including oral, is unlawful. It doesn't make any difference if permission (consent) is given or not, if you're under 16 sex is illegal.

      Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
      If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to.

      It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

      If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

      Tempero Moderation 10/01/2013

  • Pleasehelpme

    08/01/2013

    Is silence consent? Was it Rape?

    An abusive boyfriend knew I didnât want to have sex, I told him I didnât really feel ready. I had told him.

    He spread round school that we had, and everyone called me names. He would get angry for the slightest thing and often was very sadistic and emotionally and physically hurtful, so I was scared of him, but I loved him too.

    He got very very angry if he didnât have his own way so one night when he got into bed secretly (he had been horrible to me previously and I was sleeping in his dadâs living room) I just didnât say anything, and let him do it, even though he stopped when I began to cry because it hurt a lot.

    He did it again over the next few months and it got increasingly worse. I loved him, but he was incredibly horrible to me, and left me feeling pathetic and worthless for nearly two years.

    I was kicked, punched, strangled etc when I made him angry. He touched me, and I thought it would make him nicer to me but I told him it hurt because I wasnât aroused very often- I think now it was because I was so scared.

    My head would just go black when it happened- I felt horrible. He told me I looked disgusting, and I made him feel sick. When he said that it was llike my insides were rotting.

    I didnât say anything, not âyesâ not ânoâ. I just went along with it. I felt like heâd destroyed my image with my friends and set me up by pressuring me until I wouldnât protest.

    I DO NOT want to sue, press charges etc.

    Iâm 16 now, and was 14 at the time. Weâre at 6th form, and heâs spread to everyone Iâm a **** and we slept together. He has a new girlfriend.

    Is silence consent? Does the fact I was scared of him count, or scared of what heâd do if I didnât do what he wanted? I just didnât want a fight. I didnât think heâd hit me after but the words he would say were worse-what heâd tell other people. He did strangle me but I would have preferred that.

    He made me feel so worthless I didnât think anyone would care at the time. Iâve been to a doctor about the abuse, but Iâve never mentioned this. I really, really didnât want to think about it ever again- Because it made me feel so awful and guilty. So Iâve never spoken about it to anyone.

    Have I been assaulted? When I did agree- It eventually became a way of making him just be nice to me, especially if I was stuck at his house. He would also sometimes force me to touch him. Iâd love some advice, to know if Iâve been raped. Thank you.

    Reply

    Pleasehelpme - 08/01/2013

    • Hi pleasehelpme, thanks for sharing your story.

      We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. You were in a very destructive relationship where you were emotionally, physically and sexually abused. It's understandable that you have questions about what happened to you and you’ve made a positive step in confronting what happened.

      Rape is when a man forces his penis into the mouth, anus or vagina of another person when that person doesn't want him to do so; the law calls this 'without consent'.

      It does not matter if you are in a relationship with someone or if they are a stranger. When someone makes you do something you do not want to do, it means you are not consenting and it is rape. Just because you didn’t say “no” it does not mean that you consented.

      It also does not matter if you start out by saying yes and then change your mind, or if you feel like you have 'given in'. It is also never OK to make someone feel bad if they don't want to have sex as this is a form of emotional abuse.

      Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Take care.

      Tempero Moderation 09/01/2013

  • Anonymous

    08/01/2013

    Is this always a man, who can rape?

    I am a man in 32nd years of age and have been raped many times surprisingly by a lady in the age of 16.

    I remember that night when I was sleeping at my family friends home as me and one of their kids were class mates and we used to study together and sometimes if i get late, i used to stay there over night.

    The lady came to me, clutched my hand and asked do you need something, obviously I said NO. She went and I again slept and after some time she came again and asked the same question with my hand in her hand. I pulled my hand out of her hand and she fell on me deliberately. Started kissing, hugging and seducing me. I was breathless.

    Next day I went home and asked my family that now I will study at home alone. This worked for a few days then both families started pressurizing me for combine study.

    I was in the worst condition. I was unable to tell someone about that and there was no way to escape and she used to visit my bed every night. After few days, I also started enjoying it. I lost my concentration towards studies and every time started thinking of sex. Ultimately at the teenage when i have sex daily and two to three times a night, I became physically weak and made a loss in my studies.

    One day I told my friend about his sister and everything went wrong. I lost my friend. Our families started avoiding each other. Me and my friend too much disturbed with this condition got very bad grades and I have not seen my friend for the last 16 years and the lady got married and is living happily with her husband and two kids

    Reply

    Anonymous - 08/01/2013

    • Hi Anonymous,

      Thanks for posting on the site and we’re sorry to hear about thus traumatic experience from your past.

      The law says that rape can only be committed by a man as for the offence to be committed there must be intentional penetration of the mouth, vagina or anus of another person with a penis. A woman can be convicted of sexual assault, which includes other sexual acts (e.g. intentional penetration of the vagina or anus of another person with a part of her body or an object). Both are crimes and can result in imprisonment. You can read more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult

      This campaign is aimed at 13-18 year olds but there are many specialist support services available for adults.

      If you are still experiencing domestic abuse, please contact the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327 or log-on to their website at: http://www.mensadviceline.org.uk/mens_advice.php .

      Tempero Moderation 09/01/2013

  • Olivia

    07/01/2013

    I am not sure if this is abuse, but theres this sixth former that i met a while ago and he seemed lovely at first, but then he started asking if i was a virgin and lots of other things, but they were all about sex.

    I pretened i was alright, he asked me to strip on skype, so i did, then he asks me to send him pictures every now and then, I don't really feel comfortable with this but I think I'm in love with him!

    It sounds crazy but I think I am, I need help!

    Reply

    Olivia - 07/01/2013

    • Hi Olivia, thanks for your post.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity, including sending pictures of yourself, that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      If this boy cares about you he won’t put you under pressure to do things you aren’t comfortable with. We think it would help if you find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Tempero Moderation 08/01/2013

  • lia

    03/01/2013

    I do not think it is because all you have to do is say no i have been through that but i said yes but in my mind i have doubt but you can not change the past.

    Reply

    lia - 03/01/2013

    • Hi Lia

      Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

      If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

      Tempero Moderation 03/01/2013

  • Mayella

    03/01/2013

    In the past I was sexually abused looking after my best friend when she was drinking.

    She was going back to the boys house that we'd met, I didn't want to but I was worried about her welfare.

    She says I have nothing to complain about, if he didn't use his penis it's not rape, which I know is true. He said that all lesbians need fixing.

    I was 16 then, I'm 17 now and he's going out with a friend and has been since before the incident.

    I didn't tell her and now if I do she'll think I was lying. What makes things worse is that my drunk friend wouldn't leave until 8 in the morning, and he forced me to share his single bed until then. He said I could have avoided it if I'd sucked him off.

    Reply

    Mayella - 03/01/2013

    • Hi Mayella, thanks for sharing your story.

      We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. You were being very considerate when looking out for your friend when she drunk and it is completely unacceptable what happened when you went to the boys house.

      Being forced or pressured to take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable and a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Take care.

      Tempero Moderation 03/01/2013

  • Ahmed

    02/01/2013

    It is not only boy that rape I have been raped by a girl before

    Reply

    Ahmed - 02/01/2013

    • Hi Amed

      Thanks for getting in touch, we are sorry that you have suffred a traumatic experience in the past.

      The law says that rape can only be committed by a man as for the offence to be committed there must be intentional penetration of the mouth, vagina or anus of another person with a penis. A woman can be convicted of sexual assault, which includes other sexual acts (e.g. intentional penetration of the vagina or anus of another person with a part of her body or an object). Both are crimes and can result in imprisonment. You can read more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult

      If you're a young man who's experiencing violence at the hands of your female partner (and this may include being pressured into sexual activities you don't want) then it may be especially hard for you to tell someone.

      Some people have told us that they would feel less manly if someone knew that were being abused by a girl, that it would be shameful. And others have told us about situations where their female partner threatened to tell authorities that they were being abused by them in order to keep them silent.

      Talking about what's happening is really important and you can get help if your partner is violent, controlling or sexually abusive. Try talking to a trusted adult. If you don’t think you can do this, you can speak in confidence by calling the helpline for males experiencing domestic abuse. Call freephone 0808 801 0327, email info@mensadviceline.org.uk or visit www.mensadviceline.org.uk

      SurvivorsUK supports adult men over the age of 18 who have experienced sexual violation at any time in their lives. They offer a helpline for male survivors, their friends, family and carers on 0845 1221201 (Mon/Tues 7-9.30pm and Thurs 12-2.30pm) and a London based counselling service offering low cost individual counselling and group therapy: www.survivorsuk.org / info@survivorsuk.org

      Dudley Safe and Sound partnership have also produced a video which provides advice for male victims of relationship abuse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU

      Tempero Moderation 02/01/2013

  • becuz

    01/01/2013

    what should i do if the video is not working

    Reply

    becuz - 01/01/2013

    • ...... That's not really what this forums for.

      Josh - 05/02/2013

  • Anonymous

    31/12/2012

    how do u know if you have been raped

    Reply

    Anonymous - 31/12/2012

    • Thank you for your recent enquiry Anonymous.

      Rape is when a man forces his penis into the mouth, anus or vagina of another person when that person doesn't want him to do so; the law calls this 'without consent'. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. If this has happened to you then understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      If you have experienced this no matter when it happened please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can find out more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult

      Tempero Moderation 31/12/2012

  • ??unknown??

    27/12/2012

    To anyone that has been raped or abused, I say this:
    It wasn't your fault, so don't start to feel like it is. I know this is easier typed then done, and I (fortunetly for me) have never come close to being raped, so i don't know what it must be like. Just try to hold your head high and don't be afraid to tell anyone.

    Reply

    ??unknown?? - 27/12/2012

  • amarachi

    26/12/2012

    Pls let stop rape today

    Reply

    amarachi - 26/12/2012

  • Josh

    24/12/2012

    I find this campaign very one sided and sexist towards men;

    the issue of abuse towards men from women needs to be highlighted.

    I am not trivialising or devaluing the issue of women being raped, however I believe this issue is very important

    Reply

    Josh - 24/12/2012

    • Hi Josh,

      Thanks for your feedback and we take your points on board. We are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign.

      But to be absolutely clear, we are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight. This site has lots of information and advice in the ‘your questions’ and ‘need help’ sections for males who have been victims of abuse and those in same sex relationships.

      We work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse and those in gay relationships, which you can view by clicking on this link.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU

      We have also produced a video in partnership with Broken rainbow which is intended to provide advice and signpost help for LGBT victims of domestic violence:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U0ZJFdxCtg&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=2&feature=plcp

      Tempero Moderation 24/12/2012

  • Matt

    23/12/2012

    Yeah it is, but all of these videos portray men as the bad people.

    That is both stereotypical and offensive. Its not just men. Get it right.

    Reply

    Matt - 23/12/2012

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