Party
Is pressuring a partner to have sex abuse?
Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?
Is pressuring a partner to have sex abuse?
Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?
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H
09/04/2012
Now a days people need to understand that in life there is always a limit to things. If you ever consider going beyond that limit then my friend their's something with you. People expect that in life they can get what they want and at the end of it. But the end result leads to people being hurt and problems occur. I am telling you the truth and a warning which people must remember before they cause any trouble for themselves. Be careful about what you intend to do before, during and after. You yourself could cause something grief for yourself, your family and friends and other people who know you very well because in reality you only get one shot to make things right. This means your life is over and these things you could call as demons will haunt you forever, as there is no way of turning back and making up for your mistakes. So I will leave the unmistakable question which you yourself should think about. How would you feel if the same thing happened to you, your mom or dad, brother or sister and any other person you care about?
ReplyH - 09/04/2012
shauna
08/04/2012
im a 20 year old woman and was in a minipulative relationship. if i refused sex with my boyfriend at the time he would say i was unattractive and why would he want me, let me fall asleep then continually wake me up to wear me out until i gave in. this doesnt have to happen walk away,. they dont love you you deserve better as a woman!
Replyshauna - 08/04/2012
Richard Heck
08/04/2012
As the parent of a teenage daughter, I just want to thank you for this campaign. It's very powerful.
ReplyRichard Heck - 08/04/2012
Well yeah same here it will make the people who don't understand realise that what they are doing is wrong the adverts are warning the person to stop yourself and to see it to thanks for all this!
D - 27/06/2012
anon
07/04/2012
One night I went out with a group of friends, it was in the first month of uni so we were still all getting to know each other. I drank way too much and started feeling ill so my friends decided to take me home.. But then a guy from my hall who i had spoken to a few times said he'd take me back and they could stay .So he took me back in a taxi back to halls.. I don't really remember much. I was sick. We got back to halls then its all fuzzy and i cant really remember what happened.. I cant remember how it started but next thing i can remember is him having sex with me. I dont know how long it was for but after a bit i remember i pushed him off and told him to leave and he did..
ReplyObviously what he did wasnt honourable and gentlemanly but my friend said it was rape.. what do you think?
anon - 07/04/2012
Hi
The law says that:
In the offences of rape, assault by penetration, sexual assault and causing a person to engage in sexual activity without consent, a person (A) is guilty of an offence if (s)he:
• Acts intentionally;
• (B) does not consent to the act; and
• (A) does not reasonably believe that B consents.
Consent is defined as:
An agreement by choice and (B) (i.e. the victim) has the freedom and capacity to make that choice.
Person A has the responsibility to ensure that (B) consents to the sexual activity at the time in question. So if a person did not have the capacity to give their consent, and this was recognised by the other person, then this is rape.
You can read more about the law and consent here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult/consent
Hope this helps.
anon
07/04/2012
im 14 me and my boyfriend have been dating for a couple of months and he want to have sex i keep telling him im not ready but he keeps saying that if i loved him i would and that his going to tell people im fridgid what should i do!?
Replyanon - 07/04/2012
Please! Tell your Mum! If you just have a nice long talk with your Mum, you may know exactly what to do. Really get into it and talk somewhere private. Open up and she'll be there for you. Don't keep it all hush hush, talk with her and ask her opinion. You may be surprised of her reaction that she will be caring and help you through it :) Hope this helped x
Carrie - 03/12/2012
It is a common myth that “everyone is doing it”, but the average age for having sex for the first time is 16. Many people wait until they’re older. Even if you’ve had sex before it doesn’t mean you have to rush into doing it with your current boyfriend. Sexual relationships come with risks such as unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases and you always have the right to withhold consent. If he cares for you he will understand why you want to wait. As you are under 16 it’s actually against the law for you to have sex. If your boyfriend is older than 16 he could be charged with rape if you enter into a sexual relationship with him.
This Is Abuse team - 10/04/2012
Petra
07/04/2012
I'm 14 years old and a couple days ago an acquaintance of mine had recently moved house and was holding a house party. The guests ranged from about 14 to 16. It was crowded and the music was very loud but I was enjoying myself, although it was getting a bit rowdy. I couldn't find my friends so I went upstairs and sat at the top of the stairs, when a boy my age came upstairs to me. He was just trying to convince me to come downstairs and rejoin the party, but I told him that I wanted to get home. He then stroked my cheek and asked me to stay with him. It would have been romantic but then he slid his hand up my skirt and started rubbing my butt. I was trying to protest but he was stronger, he rolled up my top and undid my bra. He fondled my breasts with one hand and rubbed my clit with the other. I kept asking him to stop but he didn't and undid his zip and forced me to suck on his penis. he got on top of me and pulled down my knickers. I started to scream and cry but he hit me and covered my mouth. He was about to put it in but I think someone heard me shouting because they came upstairs. The boy threw me off him and quickly did up his zipper so I quickly ran back home. I haven't told anyone as i'm a little ashamed and he didn't actually have sex with me so i'm a bit unsure if it was rape :( What should I do??
ReplyPetra - 07/04/2012
Hi Petra
I’m sorry to hear about what happened to you. Being forced to have sex when you don’t want to is rape. This includes oral sex.
Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. Try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
Anonymous
06/04/2012
Was i used?
ReplyI met this guy last year and to cut a long story short, we had planned to meet up one evening. I BBM'd him and told him that i didnt want to have sex with him that night. He knew before we met up, so what was going on in his head? Anyway we were watching a film and he started kissing me and getting all touchy feely with me. I wasnt very comfortable but i didnt say anything to him cos i was nervous. He then said 'shall we go up to the bedroom?' and like a complete idiot i said yes. Thing is he didnt even bring protection with him (i did the responsible thing the next day and never ended up pregnant). He BBM'd me a few days after and asked if we could meet up again, i said yes but this time i ONLY wanted to talk. The day before we were gonna meet again he deleted me from BBM.. it seemed he only wanted sex. Was i used?
Anonymous - 06/04/2012
Nancy
06/04/2012
Me and my ex bf now from last week were going out for almost a year ... I lost my virginity to him and at first everything was fine but then he started getting really controlling like i wasnt aloud to have my blackberry anymore cause he thought i was talking to guys he went through my contacts and deleted most of my mates of it so i had to get a new phone and he used to check it to see if i was talking to anyone then he always used to coment on what a wore like if my breasts were showing just a lil bit he would tell me to pull my top up.. I know this is gunna sound a bit silly but cause were both in care we would have sex in the fields or toilets and at first it was fine having sex with him but then he started wanting it all the time and i didnt and first it he would try really hard to get me to have sex with him and when i said no he would get in a really bad mood with me .. After he started gettingb really abusive as in hitting me pushing me about so then when he started to want to have sex i started to get sceard in case he would hurt me so i just did what he said ... i was then in hospital for a couple of days to have my second op on my back and he knew what was going on with that and that im going to have a 3rd one but then cause i had the op i didnt feel confertible with my self i was really depressed .. So i told him look you need to start changing or i will leave you stop hurting me and shouting being rude to me and stop trying to have sex all the time ... Every time i tell him somthing like that he trys to twist it on me and blam me for going out talking to other boys when i dont but then after he wantes to have sex and a really didnt so he would just foce him self on me and i would keep telling him i didnt want to but then he would blam me and say its my fault for turning him on when i didnt even do anything and it used to get me so upset and angry i would tell him hes hurting me but he would just carry on .. And at that time i was so stupid i felt so small i couldnt stand up for my self i never went out i just stayed at home and only go out if i was goibg to see him then we went on a weekend away with two of my carers and him and all he wanted to do was have sex and i told him no i tryed really hard to get him not to cause i really didnt want to get in trouble i told him we got to get ready there waiting down stairs and would just tell me to be quite while hes trying to take me cloths of he said i will be quick and i told him i dont want to im not in the mood i said maybe later to try get him to stop but he wouldnt listen it just felt so wrong and hurt then i wouldnt talk and he would ask me whats wrong and i would say u know whats wrong and tell him but then he would just blam me infront of my carers i had to seem fine and they believed it.. he would always make me out to be the bad person when really it was him so aftet the weekend and i broke up with him and had enough of it all i was in hospital for my 3rd op and one off my carers was with me i tryed to tell her about it sort of did but she didnt seem to listen so i just dont know who to talk to about it and dont know what to do its getting me really down and upset and angry i just dont know what to do its like i just keep having bad luck with everything ..
ReplyNancy - 06/04/2012
Hi Nancy
I’m sorry to hear about what’s happened to you. If you can’t talk to your carer about it, is there anyone else you can trust? Perhaps a close friend or youth worker?
If not, you can always call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
anon~
04/04/2012
when i was 16, me and my boyfriend were watching a film in my room, he kept "trying it on" but i was pushing him away. he kept trying and wouldn't give up so i got up and walked downstairs (it was in my house) he followed me down, my brother was the only other person in the house, in his bedroom. Me and my boyfriend(at the time) sat on the sofa and he pulled me on him and tried again. I kept saying no, he pushed me off him on to the floor, pinned me down and wouldn't let me up. He un-done my buttons and 'did it'. Is this classed as rape? Since then i am paranoid about boyfriends, i can't trust any boys.
Replyanon~ - 04/04/2012
Hi Anon
Thank you for your post and sharing your story.
Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. If this has happened to you, try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
sorry but i forgot to add the first time that it would be essentially rape - not that id ever want to have hurt your feelings in my first reply (trouble is im not great at advice- but ill give it a shot) so like i said before be careful and always remember a relationship is about trust. don't worry - you'll get there - it might take time but if your not ready, your not ready. hope this helped.
Jo - 09/04/2012
yo anon - it'd be classed as rape if YOU yourself didn't want to do "it" then yeah, but if you felt it was OK and didn't essentially not want to - as in you were really distraught by the idea then it wouldn't because you decided to continue with it - l if you understand what I mean...? I' m 18 now so I get what you mean about being paranoid with boyfriends- I've had a lot of them in the past but I totally understand where your coming from. I hope this helped and yes be careful but don't let it override your relationships :D xx
Jo - 09/04/2012
Yes, that is rape. Please talk to someone about what happened to you.
Richard Heck - 08/04/2012
Remember that not all men are the same sweetie :/ It does class as rape because he had sex with you and you didn't want it. (I assume that's what you meant by 'did it'.) I find it hard to trust boys but you will find someone who will treat you as your deserve.
ANON - 08/04/2012
Yes, it's rape. You were unwilling and he even used to force to make sexual intercourse with you. Even a husband can rape his wife. Just because you share an intimate and bonding relationship does not give that person automatic and undisputable access to your body. Your body is YOUR body and YOUR temple. No one may force you to do anything you do not wish to at any time.
David - 06/04/2012
harvey
03/04/2012
why is it all men as the bad people can it not be women just to ask? (i got this from the videos )
Replyharvey - 03/04/2012
Obviously the target audience for this campaign is women under abuse by men. It is the most common form of domestic abuse, but it is true that it is not the only form. I think a video with a male victim should be produced and perhaps videos showing non-heterosexual relationships. I agree that it is wrong to insinuate that only males in heterosexual relationships are capable of abuse.
David - 06/04/2012
Hi Harvey
Anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female or male. This site has lots of information and advice in the ‘your questions’ and ‘need help’ sections for males who have been victims of abuse.
We work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse, which you can view by clicking on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
Mark Webster
03/04/2012
I was raped one night on the way home from work. I haven't reported it as it was male on male. I bled heavily for a few days but that stopped. I was left bruised and felt ashamed for a long time. I just face up to the fact I was attacked by another man.
ReplyMark Webster - 03/04/2012
Hello Mark. Get help, it wasnt your fault and you have nothing to be ashamed of, what happened was disgusting. Please talk to someone. I wish you well. Karen
Karen McGuire - 03/04/2012
Bella
29/03/2012
These are really good videos and I think would get the messages across to people very successfully. Are there any plans to make these more known, for example TV or cinema adverts? I think as many people as possible need to see them.
ReplyBella - 29/03/2012
Sam
28/03/2012
I started dating me ex just after i turned 18, he was older. At first things were really good, but then when there were personal things that i didn't want to tell him he would post comments on social networking sites, that weren't offensive but would lead to people asking questions, until i told him.
ReplyOne of the personal things was that I had a medical condition that required surgery to allow me to have sex. I had the surgery a few months into the relationship, he really didn't like that fact that another male (the surgeon) was seeing that part of me. His first question was about recovery time, when would i be able to have sex.
Weeks later I stayed over at his and he kept asking if i wanted to do it, i said no and he kept asking if i was sure and then he would say 'go on, why not?' We'd fooled around before but that mainly consisted of him convincing me to do things. I felt bad afterwards, shy and embarrassed about it all, now i know that i wasn't ready but i felt stupid being older than most and never having done anything like that.
The best thing happened to me when i moved to university, i became very independent and found lifelong friends. I spoke to one of my closest friends and she said it didn't sound right at all. I invited my ex up to uni a couple of times, once he brought condoms. I didn't have sex with him and broke up with him a while ago now.
During the process he called me quite a few harsh things and even threw the fact that i'd never slept with him back in my face. In the end i didn't recognize him anymore, he wasn't the person i'd first met. I know my story is nowhere near as bad as others but i'd like others in my position to know that it can be subtle and it's not ok - if you're not ready you're not ready.
Sam - 28/03/2012
Hey - i totally agree with you - im not the type to let it all out lol so im not so good at giving advice but your right.
Jo - 09/04/2012
Freya
27/03/2012
You're not being silly at all. Sometimes I feel like I should do things with my boyfriend because he wants to, but sex isn't just about one person and if you're in a relationship with a person then they shouldn't want to have sex with you if you don't 100% want to, because they should care about your feelings too. I think if you tell them how you feel then they may stop pressuring you, and if they don't then they definitely aren't worth your time.
ReplyFreya - 27/03/2012
hollie
27/03/2012
I often become so sick of hearing boyfriends keep asking for sex or sexual activities that I just give in and do what they want, wether I want to or not.
ReplyIs this wrong or am I being silly?
hollie - 27/03/2012
you shouldnt let them do that to you hollie
alice - 27/03/2012