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This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

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Is pressuring a partner to have sex abuse?

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape
  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical
  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Controlling Behaviour
  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP
  • Mandem On The Wall
  • Twist and Pulse
  • Charlie McDonnell
  • Bedroom
  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Sam & Alice
  • If you could see yourself
  • Zoe's story
  • School
  • Takeaway

Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?

what do you think? share your opinions

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An expert from Young People’s Services – AVA – is reading and responding to posts on the site, to ensure that responses are independent, sensitive and helpful.

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Results: 45 - 60 of 101

  • Joseph

    16/04/2012

    hi, i just want to say how horrible i think it is that people would do this just to get sex off someone, i cant see how beating someone for sex would be worthwhile. I also feel it's important after reading these posts to say how sorry i am for people this has happened to, both men and women.

    Reply

    Joseph - 16/04/2012

  • John Black

    16/04/2012

    Having briefly read through all of the posts as as sad as it is to see the damage some males do.
    I have a question in regards to 'rape' what if a man is raped by a women - is this actually even legal what should a man do if he is raped or sexually abused by a women - what does the law state as well?

    Reply

    John Black - 16/04/2012

    • Hi John Black

      Thank you for your post and your questions. I think many people wonder about this as well.

      By definition, Section 1 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 (i.e. rape) can only be committed by a man as for the offence to be committed there must be intentional penetration of the vagina, anus or mouth of another person with a penis.

      A women can be convicted of a Section 2 offence (sexual assault), where there is intentionally penetration of the vagina or anus of another person (victim) with a part of his or her body or anything and object.

      A person guilty of an offence under both section 1 and 2 is liable, on conviction on indictment, to imprisonment.

      This Is Abuse team 16/04/2012

  • anon

    15/04/2012

    last night my boyfriend "fingered" me during my sleep i know this as I woke up with his fingers inside of me. It shook me up and now I don't know what to do as he says "i thought you were awake?" when i was definately asleep. I'm 19 years old and he is 20, i suffered child sexual abuse and 2 very violent rapes, what does this count as and should i still be in a relationship with him? :(

    Reply

    anon - 15/04/2012

    • DON'T stay with him he obviously new you were asleep beause there is a big diffrence between being awake and asleep. Break up with him the sooner the better because that guy is a jerk. please respond to my comment and tell me if i helped thanks

      Josh - 25/04/2012

    • Hi Anon

      Thank you for posting on the forum and I'm sorry to hear about what happened.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      Many abusive behaviours in relationships are against the law. If they force you to carry out sexual acts or force you into sex, this is sexual abuse or rape. Being threatened or harassed by a partner is just as much a crime as violence from a stranger. If this is happening to you do not confront your partner on your own. Please speak to a trusted adult or the police.

      This Is Abuse team - 16/04/2012

  • charlatte

    12/04/2012

    one of my mates ws grouped by a teacher ather school what should she do

    Reply

    charlatte - 12/04/2012

    • Hi Charlatte

      Thank you for posting your comment.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when someone doesn’t want to is rape and it is a crime.

      Speak to your friend and help her understand that this was not her fault and there was nothing she could have done to prevent this.

      You should encourage your friend to call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about the problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you they can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
      Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      This Is Abuse team 13/04/2012

  • E

    12/04/2012

    I remember being with someone and they asked for my virginity as their birthday present I refused but they got forceful and verbal telling me I was pathetic - is this abuse?

    Reply

    E - 12/04/2012

    • yes

      Lauren - 04/12/2012

  • C

    12/04/2012

    I broke up with my bf of 2 years about 2 months ago. At first it was really good and we were laughing and just hanging out but then about a year and half into the relationship he just wanted to stay in his room and not go out. and would always try it on and if i pushed him off he would get upset and go in a mood with me, and was like please give me a BJ, and i would say no and he would say please i won't cum in your mouth etc. and in the end if he tried it i would just do it to save the arguements or the 'you don't like me anymore' blah blah. but i never wanted to do it with him since this happened but just did it. what do you think? he has said to me after i broke up with him he realised his mistakes and saw the rape advert and said hes sorry for making me feel uncomfortable in his room (i always wanted to go downstairs etc cos i knew where it would lead) and he felt really bad?? I know he means it but i just hated being like that

    Reply

    C - 12/04/2012

    • I had a relationship exactly like that.you should not feel bad

      you might of loved him but that is no way to make a girl feel!

      Jo-Jo - 21/12/2012

  • Jay

    10/04/2012

    I was out one night visiting a friend at Uni, i was very drunk, went back to his place and fell asleep in his bed. I woke up with him on top of me and i was completely naked (i dont remember taking my clothes off), i didnt want it, didnt say yes to him, but because i was in a drunk state was it my fault? Is it rape or sexual assault? can someone help me :(

    Reply

    Jay - 10/04/2012

    • Jay

      This was not your fault. If you didn’t consent, then you were the victim of a crime. Whether it was rape or sexual assault depends on what happened. You can read more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult

      You may benefit from talking to someone about this. You can call the National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

      This Is Abuse team 11/04/2012

  • Becca

    09/04/2012

    My friend got raped and she told me not to tell anyone. I tried to go to the police but she wouldnt let me. What do i do? I know its none of my buisness but i want to help her and i dont want her to suffer alone.

    Reply

    Becca - 09/04/2012

    • Hi Becca

      Thank you for your post about trying to help your friend.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when someone doesn’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Speak to your friend and help her understand that this was not her fault and there was nothing she could have done to prevent this.
      You should encourage your friend to call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about the problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you they can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
      Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      This Is Abuse team 10/04/2012

  • H

    09/04/2012

    Now a days people need to understand that in life there is always a limit to things. If you ever consider going beyond that limit then my friend their's something with you. People expect that in life they can get what they want and at the end of it. But the end result leads to people being hurt and problems occur. I am telling you the truth and a warning which people must remember before they cause any trouble for themselves. Be careful about what you intend to do before, during and after. You yourself could cause something grief for yourself, your family and friends and other people who know you very well because in reality you only get one shot to make things right. This means your life is over and these things you could call as demons will haunt you forever, as there is no way of turning back and making up for your mistakes. So I will leave the unmistakable question which you yourself should think about. How would you feel if the same thing happened to you, your mom or dad, brother or sister and any other person you care about?

    Reply

    H - 09/04/2012

  • shauna

    08/04/2012

    im a 20 year old woman and was in a minipulative relationship. if i refused sex with my boyfriend at the time he would say i was unattractive and why would he want me, let me fall asleep then continually wake me up to wear me out until i gave in. this doesnt have to happen walk away,. they dont love you you deserve better as a woman!

    Reply

    shauna - 08/04/2012

  • Richard Heck

    08/04/2012

    As the parent of a teenage daughter, I just want to thank you for this campaign. It's very powerful.

    Reply

    Richard Heck - 08/04/2012

    • Well yeah same here it will make the people who don't understand realise that what they are doing is wrong the adverts are warning the person to stop yourself and to see it to thanks for all this!

      D - 27/06/2012

  • anon

    07/04/2012

    One night I went out with a group of friends, it was in the first month of uni so we were still all getting to know each other. I drank way too much and started feeling ill so my friends decided to take me home.. But then a guy from my hall who i had spoken to a few times said he'd take me back and they could stay .So he took me back in a taxi back to halls.. I don't really remember much. I was sick. We got back to halls then its all fuzzy and i cant really remember what happened.. I cant remember how it started but next thing i can remember is him having sex with me. I dont know how long it was for but after a bit i remember i pushed him off and told him to leave and he did..
    Obviously what he did wasnt honourable and gentlemanly but my friend said it was rape.. what do you think?

    Reply

    anon - 07/04/2012

    • Hi

      The law says that:
      In the offences of rape, assault by penetration, sexual assault and causing a person to engage in sexual activity without consent, a person (A) is guilty of an offence if (s)he:
      • Acts intentionally;
      • (B) does not consent to the act; and
      • (A) does not reasonably believe that B consents.

      Consent is defined as:
      An agreement by choice and (B) (i.e. the victim) has the freedom and capacity to make that choice.

      Person A has the responsibility to ensure that (B) consents to the sexual activity at the time in question. So if a person did not have the capacity to give their consent, and this was recognised by the other person, then this is rape.
      You can read more about the law and consent here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult/consent
      Hope this helps.

      This Is Abuse team 10/04/2012

  • anon

    07/04/2012

    im 14 me and my boyfriend have been dating for a couple of months and he want to have sex i keep telling him im not ready but he keeps saying that if i loved him i would and that his going to tell people im fridgid what should i do!?

    Reply

    anon - 07/04/2012

    • Please! Tell your Mum! If you just have a nice long talk with your Mum, you may know exactly what to do. Really get into it and talk somewhere private. Open up and she'll be there for you. Don't keep it all hush hush, talk with her and ask her opinion. You may be surprised of her reaction that she will be caring and help you through it :) Hope this helped x

      Carrie - 03/12/2012

    • It is a common myth that “everyone is doing it”, but the average age for having sex for the first time is 16. Many people wait until they’re older. 

Even if you’ve had sex before it doesn’t mean you have to rush into doing it with your current boyfriend. Sexual relationships come with risks such as unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases and you always have the right to withhold consent. If he cares for you he will understand why you want to wait. As you are under 16 it’s actually against the law for you to have sex. If your boyfriend is older than 16 he could be charged with rape if you enter into a sexual relationship with him. 


      This Is Abuse team - 10/04/2012

  • Petra

    07/04/2012

    I'm 14 years old and a couple days ago an acquaintance of mine had recently moved house and was holding a house party. The guests ranged from about 14 to 16. It was crowded and the music was very loud but I was enjoying myself, although it was getting a bit rowdy. I couldn't find my friends so I went upstairs and sat at the top of the stairs, when a boy my age came upstairs to me. He was just trying to convince me to come downstairs and rejoin the party, but I told him that I wanted to get home. He then stroked my cheek and asked me to stay with him. It would have been romantic but then he slid his hand up my skirt and started rubbing my butt. I was trying to protest but he was stronger, he rolled up my top and undid my bra. He fondled my breasts with one hand and rubbed my clit with the other. I kept asking him to stop but he didn't and undid his zip and forced me to suck on his penis. he got on top of me and pulled down my knickers. I started to scream and cry but he hit me and covered my mouth. He was about to put it in but I think someone heard me shouting because they came upstairs. The boy threw me off him and quickly did up his zipper so I quickly ran back home. I haven't told anyone as i'm a little ashamed and he didn't actually have sex with me so i'm a bit unsure if it was rape :( What should I do??

    Reply

    Petra - 07/04/2012

    • Hi Petra

      I’m sorry to hear about what happened to you. Being forced to have sex when you don’t want to is rape. This includes oral sex.

      Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. Try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

      This Is Abuse team 10/04/2012

  • Anonymous

    06/04/2012

    Was i used?
    I met this guy last year and to cut a long story short, we had planned to meet up one evening. I BBM'd him and told him that i didnt want to have sex with him that night. He knew before we met up, so what was going on in his head? Anyway we were watching a film and he started kissing me and getting all touchy feely with me. I wasnt very comfortable but i didnt say anything to him cos i was nervous. He then said 'shall we go up to the bedroom?' and like a complete idiot i said yes. Thing is he didnt even bring protection with him (i did the responsible thing the next day and never ended up pregnant). He BBM'd me a few days after and asked if we could meet up again, i said yes but this time i ONLY wanted to talk. The day before we were gonna meet again he deleted me from BBM.. it seemed he only wanted sex. Was i used?

    Reply

    Anonymous - 06/04/2012

Pages << < 2 3 4 5 6 7 > >>

Results: 45 - 60 of 101

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