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Is trying to control someone by checking their phone abuse?
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Speak Out against abuse
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BillyDonie95
26/04/2012
Thanks for all the info.
ReplyBillyDonie95 - 26/04/2012
anon
21/04/2012
my boyfriend (broken up now) made me do things i didn't want to do. he then told people at school who were my friends and we got in an argument because they said i was disgusting, even though i didn't want to do it. i am now bullied. people throw things at me, shout things at me, write disgusting songs about me and send me horrible messages. karma :(
Replyanon - 21/04/2012
Ethena
17/04/2012
Very good to see this initiative. It does need to be more promoted through public media like bill board/ poster in bus etc
ReplyOne more thing I can not help to share is, using partner's picture/videos for bad purpose may also considered and included here as 'abuse'
Ethena - 17/04/2012
Sammie
13/04/2012
what i dont understand is why people have to be abuseive to their partners its degusting i just dont see the point :( a relationship is supossed to be something special between two people sharing their love for eachother :) not someone controling the other person ordering them around telling them to do and giving them what they want !!!!! if i was in a relationship like that and the other person was being like that yh i love them but i would say to myself is this what i want why would i have to put up with this!! if my partner doesnt like it then i would tell him where to put it becuz no one deserves it i dont !!!!!!! for people in this situation you should dump that zero and get yourself a hero!! i know it would be hard becuz you love them but just think is that what you want :)
ReplySammie - 13/04/2012
cameron
12/04/2012
these boys need to grow up. respecting people and learning is what is the difference beetween a boy and a man. But i agree with tom below me there
Replycameron - 12/04/2012
michelle
12/04/2012
what do i do my boyfriend is abusing me and if i say no he does it more help me im scared and i am only sixteen and he doing it unprotected
Replymichelle - 12/04/2012
dumb him, your boyfriend shouldn't treat you like that and when you do, tell him don't ever treat you like dirt again or anyone. stick up for yourself!
Sandra - 19/04/2012
Hi Michelle
Thank you for posting and I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time in your relationship.
If you are in an abusive relationship, it is important that you find someone you can talk to.
It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
Abusive relationships can start with verbal or emotional abuse and could happen to anyone. It can often escalate into physical abuse, by which time your self-esteem is likely to be damaged.
Many abusive behaviours in relationships are against the law. For example, if your partner hits you, it’s assault. If they force you to carry out sexual acts or force you into sex, this is sexual abuse or rape. Being threatened or harassed by a partner is just as much a crime as violence from a stranger. If this is happening to you do not confront your partner on your own. Please speak to a trusted adult or the police.
Tom
11/04/2012
I understand what these videos are trying to suggest to the public and explain where girls, (only as it seems) may be suffering from abuse, however I fail to understand why it's only girls that are being shown as the victims, I've got lots of friends (males) who's girlfriends get angry and cause social problems i.e. stopping them from going out/seeing friends if they so much as make eye contact with another girl. These adverts are a little bit annoying and one sided in my opinion. But let me make it clear again that I understand the ideas that these videos are trying to get across.
ReplyTom - 11/04/2012
Completely agree! Not wanting to lesser the seriousness of abuse towards women (myself being someone who's been through my fair share) but I feel that it is just as important (if not more important - due to gender stereotyping) to show how males can be victimised by violent, agressive or verbally intimidating women. What this awareness campaign is doing is fantastic but it needs to see the WHOLE picture, hopefully we'll see something soon!!
Ella - 26/04/2012
lillie
11/04/2012
i think this should stop completely its terrible the way they treat people !
Replylillie - 11/04/2012
lillie
11/04/2012
hello i think things like this dont just hurt the victim but hurt there parents to if i could i would stop abuse sexual abuse most i know how it feels when someone trys sexual abuse to you. If i was someone who does sexual abuse i would THINK about my actions STOP why would i want to do this anyway SAY SORRY if you do it say sorry !!!
Replylillie - 11/04/2012
chloe
10/04/2012
is it abuse if someone keeps asking you to send reveling pics? even if its your boyfriend?
Replychloe - 10/04/2012
Hi Chloe
You shouldn't be pressured into sending your boyfriend any photos you're not comfortable with. If your boyfriend cares for you he will respect your decision.
Katie
09/04/2012
This Happened to me before, a boyfreind, he kept checking everything I was doing, whenever I even spoke to a boy he litertatlly went bonkers. But then he had his group of freinds who went late night partying and I saw him flirting with loads of girls at school. He kept on pressuring me into doing it with me and one night we were watching a film and he kept on touching me and didnt like it, he then forced himself onto me. Ive never really told anyone why I really broke up with him, i feel to ashamed.
ReplyKatie - 09/04/2012
Hi Katie, that's a horrible thing to have gone through. I hope you have someone trusted you can talk to about this. If he forced himself on you, this website says that is rape, and that is illegal. Have you thought about taking legal action? At least he could get cautioned by the police or something - maybe if you have a trusted person or call one of the numbers like Childline or something, you could talk to them about how to go to the police?
Jo - 07/05/2012
You shouldn't feel ashamed at all. Its not your fault that he decided to be such an abusive person. I reckon it's a good thing that you spoke out to on this website. If you really want to tell people why you broke up with him, tell them exactly what happened. There is no shame in telling them. Hopefully, they'll understand. I'm sure that everybody on this website can understand.
Matt - 25/04/2012
AMY
08/04/2012
am i the only one who thinks its just a bit sexist that in all these videos its the boy who is being the abusive one? just because its predjudice in the other way then the one we all expect doesn't mean its not still sexist.
ReplyAMY - 08/04/2012
any minute men are going to be the ones needing menanism to get the same treatment as women, (fathers for justice)
rachel - 30/04/2012
Lisa
07/04/2012
well my friends pressure me to do stuff i dont want to do and if i say no they give me a kick in and i think that they tell folk that i am a whimp so i am an easy target for bullys
ReplyLisa - 07/04/2012
Sam
07/04/2012
The videos posted really are quite frightening. I think its important to mention that abuse could happen to either sex, male or female, Its really quite terrifying to see how many people have been abused out there. I mean I've not really been abused but my last girlfriend kept on trying to get me to have sex with her and kept on asking me and than when we broke up she told everyone she knew that i had used her and tried to have sex with her. I know that other people have had much more extreme things happen to them though obviously. I was just wondering what do the 'this is abuse' company do to help people who are the victims of these sort of things and how do other people get involved and help?
ReplySam - 07/04/2012
jc
03/04/2012
very sexist but a girl should be looked after i dont agree on that controlling it stands up to a point girls can take the piss
Replyjc - 03/04/2012
Emma
03/04/2012
when i was 14 i was out with a friend and admittedly we had a little to drink we met a couple of boys and the took us back to a block one of them pushed my friend and she hit her head on the floor and just laid their the other one started pulling off my clothes and i just sat their i surpose just leting it happen both boys then took turns with what they was doing to me both telling eachother dont kiss her the hold time i was just thinking i just want to get out of here when they stopped i grabbed my clothes put them on ran down the stairs and pulled my friend with me the boys followed us then met there friends they all started laughing at us and started pushing my friend all over the place then tried to do it to her one boy i begged him to stop his friends so he told them to stop me and my friend then ran to her friends house where i called my dad to pick me up i told my family but never told the police because i feel i put myself in the situation but iv never been able to forget it and my family dont want to talk about it im now nearly 21 and this il never forget
ReplyEmma - 03/04/2012
Harley
03/04/2012
I was with a boyfriend for a while who pressured me continuously for sex - I was terrified and tried to get out of it every way possible including asking my friend who was downstairs to pretend my parents were coming and get her to distract him - she was a bit scared of him too. Eventually I ended up waking up one new years drugged off my face and in the morning with blood running down my legs and with a huge headache. I later had flashbacks to what happened - he had told me I had been up for it, but those memories paint a horribly different story.
ReplyHarley - 03/04/2012
ainttellin
03/04/2012
my boyfriend raped me a couple of years ago and he told me that if i told any one he would beat me up so i dident tell and he did it again after the third time i went to the police he got arrested and i dont think he will be out in a hurry .my opinion of all types of abuse is that it is wrong and should be stopped at all costs.
Replyainttellin - 03/04/2012
tom
03/04/2012
i had a girlfriend who constely checked my phone, call logs ect. she wouldnt let me see any of my friends, girls i thought she was just jelous or protective but she was the same with lads, making escuses why i shouldnt be friends with them like he says thing behind my back. even though she never let me look at her phone see what shes doing on facebook alike, she hung round with girls and boys and exspected me to stay with her at all times with her, every day all day
Replytom - 03/04/2012
Hi Tom
Thank you for contacting us about this, abuse can happen in all relationships and boys are victims too.
If you’re male and suffering from abuse in your relationship try and find someone you trust to talk to. It can be hard to feel you can open up about the abuse, but please try to speak to someone that you trust and feel comfortable with .
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
Male victims of abuse of all ages can get help and support from the Men’s Advice Line on 0808 801 0327 or visit www.mensadviceline.org.uk email: info@mensadviceline.org.uk
A video which may help you is this one produced by Dudley Safe and Sound partnership, which shows a male victim of relationship abuse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
charlotte lucas
02/04/2012
these little clips really do make you think, its wrong.. no human being should be treated like crap, forced to do things, or raped. i would hate if any of these would of happened to me, its sick. it hurts to know people out there have been in them positions. i dont understand though why its mainy women getting abused or raped they should get males to have a roll not just the women. my sister got raped by a friend of hers who she knew when she was 9, the family thought he was okay but turned out he wasnt, she use to text her boyfriend and he use to beat her up and leave bruises, but one night i stayed round and was with my other sister and he went in my sisters room and locked the door, we couldnt get in and we heard her screaming... he is now in jail but hurts to think he will be out soon and the memories are still in mind :(
Replycharlotte lucas - 02/04/2012
queenso
30/03/2012
I mean I've been abused
Replyqueenso - 30/03/2012
Hi queenso,
Thank you for posting.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
pippa
30/03/2012
i think this advert makes me so angry! if anyone does do that to you then you dont have to deal with that. if your partner does this. DONT LET HIM DO IT! XX
Replypippa - 30/03/2012
im against abuse
30/03/2012
the thing is i understand , that people get angry and how abuse works but what i dont understand is why people abuse or stand for getting abused, i understand people get really angry but you wouldn't abuse the person you love? would you? its just not normal and i think the police should do a little more for abuse , and checking someones phone and controlling them in my eyes is abuse, your abusing there feelings and your making them feel small and fell scared and feeling like he might see me on my phone and hurt me best not get it out, thats how it would make me feel.
Replyim against abuse - 30/03/2012
Someone
29/03/2012
i think that abuse and rape is a fear everyone has in there life and something that they may or may not experience. I know someone who was nearly rape on many occasions but always managed to be saved. but she had a friend who was raped and her friend never recovered. I always feel for people that have been raped becuase it must be so hard for them to get on with their life in a peaceful mannor like they wanted, but someone had to change the way their victim lived and felt.
ReplySomeone - 29/03/2012
Imnottellingyouthat
29/03/2012
I have a friend who was raped by her Grandmothers boyfriend 2 years ago. She was at her Grandmothers house sleeping over when she woke up and he had his hands on her. Then he raped her. She didn't tell anyone because she was scared but me and the rest of her friends got her to tell her Mum.
ReplyShe ended up in court with him a few months ago and everything is sorted out but she is still having nightmares and haunting memories. The man went to jail for rape and I only posted this to tell people that when you tell someone it gets better. It was worse for my friend because she has quite big breasts even though she is only 12.
Thank you for reading.
Imnottellingyouthat - 29/03/2012
colins
28/03/2012
when i was in grade three i used to play with my cousins in my maternal grandmothers house, i was raped every time i go there by my uncle. the son of my grandmothers sister. I cant do anything, he told me that if i wont go with him he will hurt my mom.
ReplyThat time was my most embarrassing experience i was not able to tell my mom about it. Until now i carry all the bad memories and keep dreaming about that moment. Every day for me is a nightmare. i wish i could cry a lot. i wish i could tell this too someone for me to feel light.
Know im 13 a first year student but i still carry that heavy and bad experience of mine. i wish i could tell what happened to me to my dad for him to punch that guy. Whenever i see that guy, the memories comes again, and i wanna kill him so that he can feel the pain that i have been through but i know i shouldn't because. God won't like it.What should i do to get rid of that moment in my life ?
colins - 28/03/2012
Hi Colins,
Thanks for posting and sharing your story. We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. All forms of abuse are completely unacceptable, and to have your trust betrayed by a member of your own family is no different. This is a burden that you shouldn't carry alone. Even though this may have happened some time ago, it is important that you try to speak to someone about it if you can.
Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault, whatever your uncle may have led you to believe. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
Please try and find someone you trust to talk to. You mention confiding in your father. It could also be a teacher, another relative, a close friend, a youth worker, or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and feel safe with.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
rose
27/03/2012
i was raped by one of my exs and i tried to warn people about him but they never listened and called me a liar i would never lie about that and my ex has done it too somone else because they didnt listen is it my fault i didnt go to the police i was too scared
Replyrose - 27/03/2012
Hi Rose,
Thanks for your post, and for having the courage to speak out to your friends. You cannot carry the blame for what your boyfriend may have done, but it is important now that you go one step further and speak to someone who will listen.
It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
katie
20/03/2012
if you have been raped you should never bottle up because it will never go away until u tell someone.
Replykatie - 20/03/2012
cosette
16/03/2012
my little sister was sexualy abused by my dad wen she was 2-8 years old but we couldnt stop him cos i was getting beaten up by him since i was 1-10 thank you for starting this campaign
Replycosette - 16/03/2012
Thank you for sharing this. I hope that you have managed to get away from the abuse and find help. You deserve better than that, no one should stand by the side and watch. :)
Anne-Marie - 22/03/2012
Hi Cosette,
Thank you for posting.
If you’re suffering from physical abuse try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call Women’s Aid on 0808 2000 247 (phone line run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge), or email them on helpline@womensaid.org.uk
Adam
16/03/2012
I believe this campaign is good, well thought out and clever in the sense that there is 2 of you, the rapist and the thinker. However rape can also be carried out by women, on men and these campaign videos don't seem to bring to light this side of rape, which seems terribly bias towards women.
ReplyAdam - 16/03/2012
According to British law a woman CAN NOT commit rape.
Anon - 17/03/2012
le n
16/03/2012
This happened to me in a 5 year relationship, everyone thought he was sweet and innocent...there is so much behind closed doors........
Replyle n - 16/03/2012
Anonymous
15/03/2012
I understand this happens to woman and I've seen it, yet I think this type behaviour more common in women to men. I've had this with 2 my girl friends and they nearly stopped me having any friends.
ReplyAnonymous - 15/03/2012
Completely agree.
Anon - 20/03/2012
Jade
10/03/2012
it's all a little bit sexist, why not do a video on how girls who have sex then when their relationship is over they claim the boy raped them, and he looses his friends cause of her?
ReplyJade - 10/03/2012
Anonymous
08/03/2012
Hiya, I think these clips are great, but would really like to see some more examples of male abuse. It's not ok for women/girls to abuse their partners and it would help for men/boys to see what is and isn't acceptable behaviour towards them and for girls/woem to see what is an unacceptable way to treat thier partners.
ReplyAnonymous - 08/03/2012
i agree because my girlfriend was very possive over me didnt let me see friends and minipulated me, so trust me. i know
tom - 03/04/2012
I completely agree with this! There is not enouch awareness of male abuse, people only think it can happen to women and I don't think women realise what being abusive is.
el - 09/03/2012
Bee
07/03/2012
I think it's important that even though these might make some people uncomfortable to watch, they show you exactly how you should react in any of these situations. There isn't "blame" being given to anyone but the abuser in these scenarios - unlike so many other PSA's that seem to put the oneness on the victim.
ReplyBee - 07/03/2012
Jessie
06/03/2012
I think boys are getting alot of blame in these videos, although they are helpful to both genders maybe there should be a video about female - male abuse; people would learn alot more.
ReplyJessie - 06/03/2012
I totally agree
ANON - 08/03/2012
OLU
06/03/2012
This is very interesting and very useful to me
ReplyOLU - 06/03/2012
Johnsie
01/03/2012
Hi. This was very useful for me.
ReplyJohnsie - 01/03/2012
Connor:)
03/01/2012
i think this should not be filtered forr schools as we need to know about these sorts of things as well
ReplyConnor:) - 03/01/2012
Thank you Connor for your comment and the interest you have shown. The videos look at areas where teenage abuse can take place. We can't show every situation but we think they do get the message across whether or not it is directly applicable to the environmentment you move in. You are absolutely right in saying everyone needs to be aware of abuse among teenagers. The campaign aims to do just that. Thanks again for your thoughts.
Elliee <3
21/12/2011
This is so wrong, people shouldn't put you down like that.
ReplyElliee <3 - 21/12/2011
Lily <3
17/12/2011
Woah, those poor people! WE NEED to stpo bullying!
ReplyLily <3 - 17/12/2011
14/12/2011
14/12/2011
Break up with hin now!!!!!!!!
Kiatipat - 16/03/2012
Emma you should try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call Women’s Aid on 0808 2000 247, or email them on helpline@womensaid.org.uk
Anonymous
12/12/2011
i think the girl should go and tell someone that she can turst
ReplyAnonymous - 12/12/2011