This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

Zoe's story

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape
  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical
  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Controlling Behaviour
  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP
  • Mandem On The Wall
  • Twist and Pulse
  • Charlie McDonnell
  • Bedroom
  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Sam & Alice
  • If you could see yourself
  • Party
  • School
  • Takeaway

Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.

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Results: 240 - 255 of 549

  • anonymous

    12/08/2012

    My husband & I came home from a lovely day at a wedding & he was very keen for some bedroom antics, I consented to this but as we got going he wanted to go down on me but I said no, he went anyway saying I'll just do a little, you'll like it, i said no again but he kept going, then began fingering me, because he hadn't listened to me I just seemed to lay there getting upset but thought if I really got assertive, he'd huff & give me grief, so I let him get on with it thinking he'll get on with it, come, then fall asleep happy. He got up to get a condom which I thought well it'll be over soon. As.he went inside me his hands moved around &next thing I knew his finger was in my anus, we've discussed this before that its something I won't do but he just did it getting rougher & rougher, I just lay there getting more upset, waiting for it to be over (i feel annoyed at myself for not saying anything but i seemed struck dumb) as he got rougher I couldn't help but wince out loud, he then noticed I was upset, & pulled out saying what's wrong, are you all right, i couldn't really say much, so he got annoyed, went to clean himself up then came back to ask me again, & said you're making me feel like I've raped you, to which I said sorry to him, I didn't mean to make you feel like that, he asked what's wrong with you, so I said I didn't like what you were doing & asked you not to, to which he replied, you seemed to be enjoying it, I just thought you were prudish & if you tried it you'd like it, I was quiet & unresponsive so he said I've nothing to be sorry for if that's what you're expecting, then walked away.
    Am I just being stupid, over sensitive & prudish? He is my husband.
    I can't help but feel upset & angry though, how do i get past this?

    Reply

    anonymous - 12/08/2012

    • You are not stupid. That man is not your husband, he is a rapist. Please, please, get yourself somewhere safe away from him. He does not deserve you, he does not deserve the love of any human being as long as he can't respect others. What he was doing, making you feel guilty and blaming you for what HE did, is typical abuser psychology. It's called gaslighting and it's part of abuse; it means confusing the victim and making them feel like they are crazy, so that they will remain completely dependent upon the abuser. Your husband is Darth Vader. Keep yourself safe, you deserve happiness. He is not entitled to anything; a marriage contract is an agreement to share a life together, but every. single. act. of sexual activity needs to have ENTHUSIASTIC consent on the part of both partners, every single time. If you did not consent, he had no right to do that to you. I am so sorry and I wish you all the strength. Please go away from him, he is not safe to be around. He is a rapist. You are not to blame.

      Loro - 13/09/2012

    • Hello,
      Thanks for your email.
      Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable.
      Try and find someone you trust to talk to, that can help you overcome your feelings of anger and being upset and help you gain the confidence to talk to your husband about how you are feeling and what you find acceptable and what you do not. It is important that you talk to him about how you are feeling and where the boundaries are. Remember it is unacceptable to be forced or pressurised into sex or sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with.
      The Women's Aid's Survivors' Message board is a forum for women only and is a peer support message board that might also be of help: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=0001000100080021§ionTitle=Survivors+Forum.
      You can find out more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult



      This Is Abuse team 20/08/2012

  • Emily Jane

    10/08/2012

    I think that if anone has been raped or had been hurt in any way they should tell someone. Even if you are shy some one has hurt you

    Reply

    Emily Jane - 10/08/2012

  • Rutendo Ma

    07/08/2012

    One of our family friend raped me on Sunday, 5th August at 1am. This happened at his house where he took me. I told him to stop what he was doing because it was hurting me. All he said was shut up, you don't listen, I've wanted this for time but you're always arguing with me. I could tell that he was very angry and was going to rape me no matter what. He put me in a position that was very uncomfortable. I tried to scream but covered my mouth and told me to shut up. I have never been so terriefied in my life. I haven't told anyone yet because I'm scared and wonder how people would react as this guy is a very close friend to my family. I just wanted to know if someone can talk to him and tell him to leave me alone. I don't want the police involved, please help me.

    Reply

    Rutendo Ma - 07/08/2012

    • I am so sorry this happened to you. Remember that the most important person in your life is YOU. You deserve to be safe and happy. You deserve to be respected. You deserve support for what that rapist did to you. Talk to somebody you can trust. If you don't get support from them, talk to somebody else. Sometimes a counselor or a therapist, being removed from your personal life and having training, will be the best help. You don't have to put up with this person. You are strong and wonderful. Power to you, I wish you all the best.

      Loro - 13/09/2012

    • Hi Rutendo,
      Thank you for your email and I am sorry to hear what happened to you.
      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. Try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      This Is Abuse team 07/08/2012

  • Radha

    29/07/2012

    I got raped a couple months ago by an old school friend in his car after i refused to have sex with him. I have been very scared to tell anyone. Should I Phone the police? What is the procedures? I am scared about my family finding out for cultural reasons. Please help

    Reply

    Radha - 29/07/2012

    • Hi Radha,
      I am sorry to hear what you have gone through. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. Try and find someone you trust to talk to. If you feel you can not tell your parents perhaps you could try a teacher, a parent of a friend, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.



      This Is Abuse team 07/08/2012

  • 21/07/2012

    kat
    hey, today i went to town with my friends and when we got back from town one of my friends dad was meeting up with some off his friends in town so me, my friend and another friend went to meet his dad and when we got there his dad hugged everyone but hugged my and groped my bum i thought nothing off it because he had had a drink but then he asked how old i was and i said 16 and he but his arm round me and put his hand down my top, my friends didn't see him do it due to the fact it just looked like he had his am round me, i then moved away from him because i got scared but he then groped my bum another 3 times and tried to kiss me but i turned my head so he got my neck. I then left with my other friend to get the bus and get home because i felt physically sick and left my friend and his dad there. When i got home i told my other friends what had happened and why i was so shaken and crying , once my friend found out what his dad had done he came to comfort me and said he was sorry for what had happened. I want to tell my parents but i can't due to the fact he knows a lot off people and if i say anything i know he will 'shut me up'. I feel sick, dirty and cheap and scared off men all together i know it sounds silly due to it just happening today but i am terrified and i can't get the image off his face out off my had. i dont know what to do am so sacred.

    Reply

    21/07/2012

    • You are not to blame in the least. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. What this disgusting person did to you is illegal and completely unacceptable. It is normal to feel shaken and shocked after such circumstances. You are within every right to report this person to the police. Above all, the most important person in your life is YOU. You owe this man nothing. You do not have the responsibility not to 'stir up' things; he got himself into this mess by abusing and harassing you. He has overstepped the boundaries of consent with a minor. You are not to blame. I wish you much strength.

      Loro - 13/09/2012

    • Hi Kat,
      I am sorry to hear what you have gone through- and you must understand that this was not your fault.
      If you are able it would be best to speak to your parents or someone else you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      This Is Abuse team 24/07/2012

  • 20/07/2012

    Vonne
    What about when a woman has consensual sex then regrets it later and cries rape to save her reputation? Is that rape?

    Reply

    20/07/2012

  • 18/07/2012

    Amy
    hey, i've just split up with my boyfriend after a year. I just turned 14 when I got with him. Obviously we lost our virginities to eachother because we loved eachother. But there was times when he'd force himself onto me, and even though i said i didn't want to, he carried on doing it. Is this rape? I've told my mam and she wants me to go to the police but I really don't know. He's 16 by the way. Can i just have some advice?

    Reply

    18/07/2012


    • Hi Amy,
      Thank you for your email. I am sorry to hear what you have been through.
      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime.
      It’s good that you have been able to talk to your Mum about this and if you need someone else to talk to you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      This Is Abuse team 24/07/2012

  • sandra

    28/05/2012

    hey, i was raped about two years ago. rape is not a pleasant experience. now i have earnt from it and i get this feeling were i know something is wrong not many understand it but i could just see someone and if i got that uncomfortable feeling i know they have other intentions. i do agree rape abuse should not be targeted at just men being the predators, it could be male or female and i do believe anyone is capable of anything but its their own choice weather they do it or not.

    Reply

    sandra - 28/05/2012

  • me

    28/05/2012

    im 14 and scared of having sex, somebody help me please ?x

    Reply

    me - 28/05/2012

    • Hi Anon. If you are scared of sex, or don't want to have sex for another reason, then do not have sex. It is your choice when to do it. Whether it's in three months or in ten years, there is no rush and no pressure. Waiting for the right time is better than rushing into it. If somebody is pressuring you, know that they have absolutely no right. Every time you have sex must be enthusiastically consensual. If somebody tries to take advantage of you or pressure you into sex (even if it's just in the internet), get away from them and talk about it with somebody you can trust. The phone lines that are available in this page will listen to anyone who is worried or has undergone any experience that they are not comfortable with; ring them if you feel you need to talk to someone. Remember, your body, your choice, your terms. Always. Be safe, all the best.

      Loro - 13/09/2012

    • Be safe..Use a Condom..I know the feeling..When its right its right..Only cum and do it when your ready..

      Luke Beswick - 31/05/2012

  • unknown **

    28/05/2012

    my friend put his hands in my jeans when i was 8, he groped a little and i ran, i said no, is this rape ?

    Reply

    unknown ** - 28/05/2012

  • kt

    28/05/2012

    Whether you have alcohol or not, if you are sure you said no, and struggled but she/he still continued there sexual actions upon you, that is rape.
    it makes me sick how people can treat fellow human beings like this.

    Reply

    kt - 28/05/2012

  • Daisy

    24/05/2012

    Please add subtitles or BSL to all of your videos

    Reply

    Daisy - 24/05/2012

  • Anon

    20/05/2012

    it was on my 12th birthday my mum said i could have my friends around for a party so my 3 bestfriends came round 2 where which girls and then there was nathan i fancied him alot at the time and i think he did me. they wwere downstairs and i was up becaause i felt sick, so nathan told the girls he was going to check on me but he didnt he came up stairs bardged his way into the bathroom and he looked at me in away as if omg what the hell are you doing he got so angry but i didnt under stand he grabbed my hair and pushed my head against the wall above the bath so my back was in the bath and he had sex with me i couldnt do anything but cry as he whisperd in my ear that was your birthday presant he took my virginity away from me i was so upset. i am 13 on saturday he asked me right in front of my mum am i coming i said no but my mum saqid of course u aere ur a really good friend to her. i dont no what to do i havent even told my mum about what he did im sio scared he will do it again this year what shaall i do i dont want it to haappen again im just so scared???

    Reply

    Anon - 20/05/2012

    • Hi Anon

      I’m sorry to hear about what happened to you.
      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. Try and find someone you trust to talk to before your birthday. If you can’t tell your mum, speak to someone else. It could be another relative, a teacher, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      This Is Abuse team 21/05/2012

  • B

    13/05/2012

    Hi, i've had one near miss and i've also been anally raped by my ex boyfriend, i told him that i didn't want to do it as i didn't feel comfortable but he went ahead and raped me. I'm still suffering the health complications the rape left behind not to mention the emotional scars. Also the near miss was another ex

    Reply

    B - 13/05/2012

  • mana@growproject.org.uk

    09/05/2012

    This is a fantastic campaign to help highlight the reality of sexual violence; rape is rarely committed by strangers and often by someone known to the victim. I hope this campaign will help young women recognise rape/abuse and to come forward and seek help. I also hope, this advert will act as a mirror to young men, to show the consequences of rape.

    Reply

    mana@growproject.org.uk - 09/05/2012

    • ur out of order, rape can be anyone not just young men. :0

      kt - 18/06/2012

    • but it isnt just woment that r raped or sexually abused nor is it just men that commit rape

      Anonymous - 10/05/2012

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