This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

Zoe's story

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape
  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical
  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Controlling Behaviour
  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP
  • Mandem On The Wall
  • Twist and Pulse
  • Charlie McDonnell
  • Bedroom
  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Sam & Alice
  • If you could see yourself
  • Party
  • School
  • Takeaway

Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.

what do you think? share your opinions

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Results: 105 - 120 of 547

  • Anonymous

    30/01/2013

    I feel as if I shouldn't be commenting but I want to have a say on all of this. I am so sorry to all those who have been raped, I truly am. And I'm a supporter of this campaign ever since I saw these disturbing videos, but my opinion is growing stronger now, it is to educate in schools across the country boys and girls, primary up to university, that rape is unacceptable no matter what. We should protect the younger minds of the future, even at a young age, as they might (pray they wont) be involved in something as wrong as this issue is becoming. They should be able to understand the dangers, and what to do if they feel something is coming to them being raped. We need to make a start, before it gets too late. This is Abuse, and it needs to be stopped.

    Reply

    Anonymous - 30/01/2013

  • ........

    29/01/2013

    hi, when i was 5 and my mum and my step dad were together, my step dad starting beating my mum infront of me and my sister. When she finally got out of the relationship when i was around 9, my whole family thought that he had raped me but no matter how hard i try i cant remember. i am 14 and they still think it now, and a few months a go i saw him and was so stricken with fear that they think seeing him triggered a memory in my brain of something he did to me. im really scared because i dont know whether he raped me or not and its tearing my whole family apart. what do i do?

    Reply

    ........ - 29/01/2013

    • Hi,

      Thanks for your message.

      We think you ought to talk to a trusted adult about this, call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk, no problem is too big or small for them, or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      This Is Abuse team 07/02/2013

  • sana

    27/01/2013

    when i was 15 i got raped by my boyfriend i told him i was not ready he locked my bedroom door threw me on the bed he put his hand over my mouth he started touching me and kissing me on my neck i was crying so much i was kicking my legs then he tied me up andd he raped me he took his top off and he told me to kiss him i dint then he hit me i havent told anybody annything after the rape he untied me kissed me and told me that we were over i cried and cried and at that time he was 18 thats why he was desperate my parents came back home i just told them that ifell down thestairs he came this saturday and raped me again im stuck helpp me im trapped

    Reply

    sana - 27/01/2013

    • Hi Sana,

      Thanks for your post, we're truly sorry to hear about these horrific incidents.

      It's good that you have messaged us, but you also need to try and tell a trusted adult. Being forced or pressured into having sex when you don’t want to is abuse, it's rape and it is a crime and it should be reported. You must understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      No matter how long ago this happened please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted.

      And if you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 04/02/2013

  • jarred

    26/01/2013

    I sat on a girl for 4 hours before I could convince her to have sex with me, is this rape?

    Reply

    jarred - 26/01/2013

    • Hi Jarred,

      Thanks for your question. Yes it is.

      To be clear; rape is when a man forces his penis into the mouth, anus or vagina of another person when that person doesn't want him to do so; the law calls this 'without consent'.

      If you forced or pressured that girl into having sex with you or engage in sexual activity she didn't feel comfortable with, yes that is unacceptable and it's definitely not ok, it's not normal and both rape and sexual assault are crimes.

      You need to check your behaviour, you should never put pressure on someone to have sex with you, it's wrong. See http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/am-i-abusive.

      We also suggest you contact Respect who will help and advise you on changing your behaviour - http://www.respectphoneline.org.uk/phoneline.php or call the Respect Phoneline (freephone) on 0808 802 4040, Monday - Friday 10am-1pm and 2pm -5pm or email: info@respectphoneline.org.uk

      This Is Abuse team 01/02/2013

  • Chantelle

    26/01/2013

    I was raped at 13 by my first boyfriend who blackmailed me into doing it for a Harry Potter book. I didn't tell anyone until I was 16. It took me five years to tell anyone as I felt I was to blame.

    Reply

    Chantelle - 26/01/2013

    • yeh i feel sorry for you and its good that you can speak about it.

      devon - 04/02/2013

    • Hi Chantelle,

      Thanks very much for your post. We are really sorry to hear about this awful incident from your past but it's good you have spoken to someone about this.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Please understand that this was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent this. It's also important to understand that a lot of people who have experienced all kinds of abuse will blame themselves. However, the responsibility lies solely with the abuser, never with you. This can be hard to get your head around, as can still loving that person. Again, that is also completely normal and many people are torn between loving the person and hating their behaviour.

      Please remember, you have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about. It's good that you've told someone, if you want further support, depending what age you are you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Or if you've over 18 alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 01/02/2013

  • Maisey

    25/01/2013

    Wow... I really think that Children should be aware of this..Because i remember when i was around the age of 7 or 8 and me and my family went to visit family friends and there was a boy in there house who kept forcing me into the dark room with him (i think he was around the age of 12 or 13) and since i did not know anything about rape or Sex i was willing to go in, but luckily my mum said we had to leave.
    Its just what i think, Children who lack this kind of information are more vunerable to it.
    I had a close call.

    Reply

    Maisey - 25/01/2013

    • Hi Maisey,

      Thanks for your message, we pleased to hear you support our campaign and understand the importance of spotting the signs of unacceptable behaviour.

      We're also glad your experience stopped where it did and did not go any further.

      This Is Abuse team 01/02/2013

  • Alex

    25/01/2013

    Hi,
    When I was 8 I used to have a friend who was the same age as me,who's house I went to regularly after school.One day she tought me about sex like explaining what it is and stuff and pretending that it was like school,and then she said that to show that I understand what it is I have to either have sex but with underwear with a class mate or naked with a massive teddy bear.I didn't know what a 'class mate' ment at the time so I said that for some reason.Then she told me to take my clothes off and pushed me into her bed.I told her I didn't want to and asked why we can't go on the trampoline instead but she said that we can go there after.She laid on top of me and started kissing me and touching me...
    I don't know if I should tell someone because I'm now 12 but it sometimes comes back to me even though I block it out,please reply.

    Reply

    Alex - 25/01/2013

    • Hi Alex

      Thanks so much for your message and having the courage to post online.

      We think you do need to tell someone you trust about what's happened, you must understand that being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity (like what you have described) that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. It's not normal, it's not right and it's not your fault; there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      Please find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, your mum or dad or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or too small for them, or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      This Is Abuse team 01/02/2013

  • Katheryn

    24/01/2013

    I think this advert really does bring back bad memories for some people. I was raped and it's difficult for me to watch this advert though I have to try not to react since my family don't know I was raped. Luckily for me I'm conastantly thinking about the rape which means that seeing the advert can't suddenly bring it all back all at once. I think we need to make people more aware of rape but I don't think this advert is the best way forward.

    Reply

    Katheryn - 24/01/2013

    • Hi Katheryn,

      Thanks for your feedback. We are really sorry to hear about this awful incident from your past and that our campaign is distressing you.

      We do realise that this is an extremely sensitive subject. We also realise that the advert is confrontational and difficult to watch, this is because it’s a very real representation of a very real problem. Research shows that there are large numbers of teenagers (both male and female) who view this sort of behaviour as normal and/or just something that you put up with.

      Our objective for this campaign is to improve understanding of what is and isn’t acceptable sexual behaviour, thereby helping people to recognise and name sexual abuse and rape as such. The advert was developed with the help of several charities who work with people who have been affected by this issue and was also extensively researched with young people prior to being made.

      The reason for it being shown on national television is an attempt to reach as many people as possible, creating national awareness of a national problem. We have already seen, in the response to the advert on this website, that it is proving helpful in enabling young people to rethink their attitudes towards rape. We are truly sorry to hear of your distress but hope that you can appreciate the need to address this very serious issue.

      As you are upset and thinking about your own experience, maybe you should talk to someone about what happened to you? It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you're under 18 you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you're over 18 you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 01/02/2013

  • dean

    24/01/2013

    why is it rape is always blammed on men? i mean no offence as i obviously know that a lot of women are rapped every year and its horrible, i just feel that this typical stereotype of always associating rape with men is wrong

    Reply

    dean - 24/01/2013

    • Hi Dean,

      The law says that rape can only be committed by a man as for the offence to be committed there must be intentional penetration of the mouth, vagina or anus of another person with a penis. A woman can be convicted of sexual assault, which includes other sexual acts (e.g. intentional penetration of the vagina or anus of another person with a part of her body or an object). Both rape and sexual assault are crimes and can result in imprisonment. You can read more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult

      The objective of this campaign is to improve understanding of what is and isn’t acceptable sexual behaviour, thereby helping people to recognise and name sexual abuse and rape as such.

      The advert was developed with the help of several charities who work with people who have been affected by this issue and was also extensively researched with young people prior to being made.

      We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight. This site has lots of information and advice in the ‘your questions’ and ‘need help’ sections for males who have been victims of abuse and those in same sex relationships.

      This Is Abuse team 01/02/2013

  • Anonymous

    24/01/2013

    We are now happily engaged and he hates himself for what happened but it wasn't him that actually did everything but his other persona. I was not blackmailed. I never wanted to lose him mentally and physically. It was classed as Rape because even though it was my idea, I was in 100% distress. I was in pain and I was in nothing but tears because the whole experience was horrible. I want others to realise this. because rape is not just when you say "no".

    Reply

    Anonymous - 24/01/2013

    • Hi anonymous,

      Thanks for your post.

      Have you spoken to someone about your experience? Rape is very traumatic; we think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago you should try to speak to someone about this if you can. As you have decided to stay in your relationship please be aware that an abusive, violent or controlling relationship is not normal or acceptable; nobody needs to tolerate this behaviour.

      You should also be aware that a lot of people who have experienced all kinds of abuse will blame themselves. However, the responsibility lies solely with the abuser, your fiance, never with you. This can be hard to get your head around, as can still loving that person. Again, that is also completely normal and many people are torn between loving the person and hating their behaviour. Please remember, you have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about.

      Please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a parent or other relative, a close friend or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 01/02/2013

  • Chloe

    23/01/2013

    I was raped 4 times, once by my first boyfriend, once by one of his friends another time by another of his friends then by my second boyfriend. I haven't been raped since but I've had sex a lot since I learnt to just accept it. I am only 14 and I don't know what to do, I never wanted to have sex before I was 16 but now I have and I never stop thinking about it. The advert is good and I'm glad it's there but it does bring back bad memories.

    Reply

    Chloe - 23/01/2013

    • i'm sorry to hear that, the smae thing happened to me but this time not only did i have sex but i gave head, and this was me being forced to do it, so we're kinda the same but not exactly and got called a slag, and i never thought of doing all this before i'm 16, but life goes on.....

      Rebeccca - 28/01/2013

    • Hi Chloe,

      Thanks very much for your post. It's great you support our campaign and you understand we're informing and educating; we're also truly sorry to hear about these traumatic incidents from your past.

      We think it is very important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can, you are clearly distressed.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Please understand that this was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent this. Sex with any girl/boy under 16 is unlawful, including oral. It doesn't make any difference if permission (consent) is given or not, if you're under 16 sex is illegal.

      No matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 25/01/2013

  • Anon

    22/01/2013

    I think it is great that awarness is being raised it is a sensitive subject and far too many women have had to go through this sort of abuse. But how do women get over somthing like this? they don't bottom line so prevention but will it work?

    Reply

    Anon - 22/01/2013

    • Dear Anon,

      Thanks for your post.

      We're pleased to hear you support our campaign.

      Please be aware that the objective of this campaign is to improve understanding of what is and isn't acceptable sexual behaviour, thereby helping people to recognise and name sexual abuse and rape as such. Research shows that there are large numbers of teenagers (both male and female) who view this sort of behaviour as normal and/or just something that you put up with.

      Although the campaign has finished now, it was shown on national television in an attempt to reach as many people as possible, creating national awareness of a national problem. We have already seen, in the response to the advert on this website, that it is proving helpful in enabling young people to rethink their attitudes towards rape, so it's working in that respect.

      This Is Abuse team 25/01/2013

  • sammy

    22/01/2013

    this sad to say but when i was younger i got raped by a very close family member ( not saying who) i was about 10 at the time and now im 15 and lucky this person moved away! i never told anyone till this day!!!!

    Reply

    sammy - 22/01/2013

    • Hi Sammy,

      Thanks for your post and for having the courage to speak up.

      We are so very sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime, please understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      We think it's important for you to talk about your experience further, especially If you are having difficulty or if you are feeling sad. No matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 25/01/2013

  • Jessie

    21/01/2013

    I think this campaign is good. I am 14 now but when I was 11 I was raped by my boyfriend. I think it needs to be clear that this could happen to you as I never thought it would and couldn't be prepared.

    Reply

    Jessie - 21/01/2013

    • Hi Jessie,

      Thanks for your post.

      We're happy to hear you support our campaign. We also very sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. We just want to say that we think it is important that even though this happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 25/01/2013

  • sara

    20/01/2013

    I think plenty of women have been in this position. We have just let it happen in the end, even if we didn't want it to, just because we didn't know how to deal with the situaiton. I am in my 30's and think that so how on earth can we teach young women How to deal with situations like this??

    Reply

    sara - 20/01/2013

    • Hi Sara,

      I think this point really needs addressing. The fact that women such a young age are unaware of how to deal with these situations is a great cause for concern. I think that if youths were made aware of how to deal with situations like this then the amount of abuse reported would drop dramatically.

      Being forced into something so young is such a traumatic event and being pressured into doing it is a crime. Young women do not know what facilities are available and maybe these problems need addressing at a younger age.

      Thom - 28/01/2013

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