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This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

Zoe's story

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape
  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical
  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Controlling Behaviour
  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP
  • Mandem On The Wall
  • Twist and Pulse
  • Charlie McDonnell
  • Bedroom
  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Sam & Alice
  • If you could see yourself
  • Party
  • School
  • Takeaway

Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.

what do you think? share your opinions

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Results: 90 - 105 of 538

  • :'(

    03/02/2013

    I am a boy, and a few months back I was raped by another man. It was all sorted out because I told a teacher at school, but now all of the teachers treat me differently. Some are nicer and some are horrible, as if I asked to be raped. I am just saying this as I don't feel that awareness for males being raped is that good. I can only speak from my point of view, but I would say that it is worse for boys like me - a lack of awareness, constantly being asked if I am gay and if I asked to be raped.

    Reply

    :'( - 03/02/2013

    • Hi :'(

      Thanks for posting, and we're truly sorry to hear what happened to you.

      We think it's important you talk about your experience with a trusted adult; help, support and advice is out there. If you don’t think you can do this, you can speak in confidence to SurvivorsUK who support men over the age of 18 who have experienced sexual violation at any time in their lives. They offer a helpline for male survivors, their friends, family and carers on 0845 1221201 (Mon/Tues 7-9.30pm and Thurs 12-2.30pm) and a London based counselling service offering low cost individual counselling and group therapy: www.survivorsuk.org / info@survivorsuk.org

      Alternatively Broken Rainbow runs a Helpline staffed by highly trained operators, they understand the issues you face and go through extensive training to provide you with the best possible support. You can contact Broken Rainbow on the national helpline number: 0300 999 5428 or visit their website at www.brokenrainbow.org.uk.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      This Is Abuse team 08/02/2013

  • Dave

    03/02/2013

    Is it possible to be raped by a woman the same age as you? Because i'm pretty sure I have been raped. As I didnt want to have sex with my friend, she is 17 and i am 16. But she told me that if I had sex with her I would be a man. I wanted to keep my virginity sacred but I have lost it unwillingly. I cried afterwards and still have over the past few weeks.

    Is this classified as rape also? If so, why isn't it made clear that women can also rape within these advertisements. And if they aren't victim to these laws too, why arent they?

    Reply

    Dave - 03/02/2013

    • Hi Dave,

      The law says that rape can only be committed by a man as for the offence to be committed there must be intentional penetration of the mouth, vagina or anus of another person with a penis.

      A woman can be convicted of sexual assault, which includes other sexual acts (e.g. intentional penetration of the vagina or anus of another person with a part of her body or an object). Both rape and assault are crimes and can result in imprisonment. You can read more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult.

      It appears you were assaulted, so talking about what happened is really important and you can get help. Try talking to a trusted adult. If you don’t think you can do this, you can speak in confidence by calling the helpline for males experiencing domestic abuse. Call freephone 0808 801 0327, email info@mensadviceline.org.uk or visit www.mensadviceline.org.uk

      We are of course aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight. This site has lots of information and advice in the ‘your questions’ and ‘need help’ sections for males who have been victims of abuse and those in same sex relationships.

      This Is Abuse team 08/02/2013

  • ashley

    02/02/2013

    hey! is there only 1 type of rape or are there more? xxx

    Reply

    ashley - 02/02/2013

  • abi

    01/02/2013

    This advert is very effective and this website is amazing! I am not a rape victim myself however i have been pressured into doing things i dont want to do before. This website has taught me that it is ok to say no. Many thanks to all the people posting helpful comments on this page. Its nice to know that there are people that care. Thankyou.

    Reply

    abi - 01/02/2013

    • Hi abi,

      Thanks for your message, we're pleased you support our campaign and are finding the website helpful.

      This Is Abuse team 07/02/2013

  • Georgia

    01/02/2013

    I think that everyone should be careful because when I was 14 my boyfriend came round and we started to lay on the bed, playing on our laptops and then he started kissing me.The next day we was at town and outside near a lamp-post he undressed me and himself and rapped me I was crying and after that I ran off(when I dressed) and dumped him.It still comes back to me but I try not to think of it so much.Please reply

    Reply

    Georgia - 01/02/2013

    • Hi Georgia,

      Thanks for your post. We're so sorry to hear about what happened to you.

      Sex with any girl/boy under 16 is unlawful, including oral. It doesn't make any difference if permission (consent) is given or not, if you're under 16 sex is illegal. But being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a crime and it should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      You should try and talk to someone about your experience if you can, it doesn't matter how long ago it was, find someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      Depending what age are you are, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you're over 18, you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 07/02/2013

  • Bailey

    31/01/2013

    around a year ago it was my friend hannah's party.
    i remember it so well even though i was quite drunk but it was a week after my birthday and i'd gotten this special american flag all in one suit.
    in the middle of the party i found out the boy i liked didnt like me back so i went outside with my friends boyfriend, so he could calm me down. one of his friends followed us to check i was okay too. after a bit i was just left with his friend and we sat outside the party for a bit. it's weird because for some reason there's a huge blank spot in my mind of how i got to the park near his house. i remeber him pushing my down and climbing on top of me but some how i managed to get him off . i tried to run away but as i did he grabbed my hands and started to bend me over. again i managed to get him off and ran to the nearest light i could find i ran out of breath and tried to find my phone but he had already caught up to me. i remember him dragging me back to his , and when we finally got in i decided how much i just wanted to sleep but when i tried he just kept turning me round touching me and making me touch him. then i remember him pulling down my onesie and as he did he scratched the inner side of my leg (which is now a scar) then without asking me he started doing it . i tried to tell him to get off but nothing really worked. it was kind of like a numb feeling that entered my body. like i was nothing. since that day i'v told friends and my parents found out a month ago. but nothing will ever take away what he did to me and as he's my friends friends i see him all the time. i hope one day he'll feel the pain i have and will have to for the rest of my life.

    Reply

    Bailey - 31/01/2013

    • Hi Bailey,

      Thanks for your post.

      We are so sorry to hear about this horrible incident from your past. It's good that you have told your friends and your parents, but if you want more support or someone else to talk to in confidence, depending how old you are you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Or if you're over 18 you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 05/02/2013

  • Anonymous

    30/01/2013

    I feel as if I shouldn't be commenting but I want to have a say on all of this. I am so sorry to all those who have been raped, I truly am. And I'm a supporter of this campaign ever since I saw these disturbing videos, but my opinion is growing stronger now, it is to educate in schools across the country boys and girls, primary up to university, that rape is unacceptable no matter what. We should protect the younger minds of the future, even at a young age, as they might (pray they wont) be involved in something as wrong as this issue is becoming. They should be able to understand the dangers, and what to do if they feel something is coming to them being raped. We need to make a start, before it gets too late. This is Abuse, and it needs to be stopped.

    Reply

    Anonymous - 30/01/2013

  • ........

    29/01/2013

    hi, when i was 5 and my mum and my step dad were together, my step dad starting beating my mum infront of me and my sister. When she finally got out of the relationship when i was around 9, my whole family thought that he had raped me but no matter how hard i try i cant remember. i am 14 and they still think it now, and a few months a go i saw him and was so stricken with fear that they think seeing him triggered a memory in my brain of something he did to me. im really scared because i dont know whether he raped me or not and its tearing my whole family apart. what do i do?

    Reply

    ........ - 29/01/2013

    • Hi,

      Thanks for your message.

      We think you ought to talk to a trusted adult about this, call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk, no problem is too big or small for them, or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      This Is Abuse team 07/02/2013

  • sana

    27/01/2013

    when i was 15 i got raped by my boyfriend i told him i was not ready he locked my bedroom door threw me on the bed he put his hand over my mouth he started touching me and kissing me on my neck i was crying so much i was kicking my legs then he tied me up andd he raped me he took his top off and he told me to kiss him i dint then he hit me i havent told anybody annything after the rape he untied me kissed me and told me that we were over i cried and cried and at that time he was 18 thats why he was desperate my parents came back home i just told them that ifell down thestairs he came this saturday and raped me again im stuck helpp me im trapped

    Reply

    sana - 27/01/2013

    • Hi Sana,

      Thanks for your post, we're truly sorry to hear about these horrific incidents.

      It's good that you have messaged us, but you also need to try and tell a trusted adult. Being forced or pressured into having sex when you don’t want to is abuse, it's rape and it is a crime and it should be reported. You must understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      No matter how long ago this happened please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted.

      And if you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 04/02/2013

  • jarred

    26/01/2013

    I sat on a girl for 4 hours before I could convince her to have sex with me, is this rape?

    Reply

    jarred - 26/01/2013

    • Hi Jarred,

      Thanks for your question. Yes it is.

      To be clear; rape is when a man forces his penis into the mouth, anus or vagina of another person when that person doesn't want him to do so; the law calls this 'without consent'.

      If you forced or pressured that girl into having sex with you or engage in sexual activity she didn't feel comfortable with, yes that is unacceptable and it's definitely not ok, it's not normal and both rape and sexual assault are crimes.

      You need to check your behaviour, you should never put pressure on someone to have sex with you, it's wrong. See http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/am-i-abusive.

      We also suggest you contact Respect who will help and advise you on changing your behaviour - http://www.respectphoneline.org.uk/phoneline.php or call the Respect Phoneline (freephone) on 0808 802 4040, Monday - Friday 10am-1pm and 2pm -5pm or email: info@respectphoneline.org.uk

      This Is Abuse team 01/02/2013

  • Chantelle

    26/01/2013

    I was raped at 13 by my first boyfriend who blackmailed me into doing it for a Harry Potter book. I didn't tell anyone until I was 16. It took me five years to tell anyone as I felt I was to blame.

    Reply

    Chantelle - 26/01/2013

    • yeh i feel sorry for you and its good that you can speak about it.

      devon - 04/02/2013

    • Hi Chantelle,

      Thanks very much for your post. We are really sorry to hear about this awful incident from your past but it's good you have spoken to someone about this.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Please understand that this was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent this. It's also important to understand that a lot of people who have experienced all kinds of abuse will blame themselves. However, the responsibility lies solely with the abuser, never with you. This can be hard to get your head around, as can still loving that person. Again, that is also completely normal and many people are torn between loving the person and hating their behaviour.

      Please remember, you have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about. It's good that you've told someone, if you want further support, depending what age you are you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Or if you've over 18 alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 01/02/2013

  • Maisey

    25/01/2013

    Wow... I really think that Children should be aware of this..Because i remember when i was around the age of 7 or 8 and me and my family went to visit family friends and there was a boy in there house who kept forcing me into the dark room with him (i think he was around the age of 12 or 13) and since i did not know anything about rape or Sex i was willing to go in, but luckily my mum said we had to leave.
    Its just what i think, Children who lack this kind of information are more vunerable to it.
    I had a close call.

    Reply

    Maisey - 25/01/2013

    • Hi Maisey,

      Thanks for your message, we pleased to hear you support our campaign and understand the importance of spotting the signs of unacceptable behaviour.

      We're also glad your experience stopped where it did and did not go any further.

      This Is Abuse team 01/02/2013

  • Alex

    25/01/2013

    Hi,
    When I was 8 I used to have a friend who was the same age as me,who's house I went to regularly after school.One day she tought me about sex like explaining what it is and stuff and pretending that it was like school,and then she said that to show that I understand what it is I have to either have sex but with underwear with a class mate or naked with a massive teddy bear.I didn't know what a 'class mate' ment at the time so I said that for some reason.Then she told me to take my clothes off and pushed me into her bed.I told her I didn't want to and asked why we can't go on the trampoline instead but she said that we can go there after.She laid on top of me and started kissing me and touching me...
    I don't know if I should tell someone because I'm now 12 but it sometimes comes back to me even though I block it out,please reply.

    Reply

    Alex - 25/01/2013

    • Hi Alex

      Thanks so much for your message and having the courage to post online.

      We think you do need to tell someone you trust about what's happened, you must understand that being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity (like what you have described) that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. It's not normal, it's not right and it's not your fault; there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      Please find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, your mum or dad or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or too small for them, or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      This Is Abuse team 01/02/2013

  • Katheryn

    24/01/2013

    I think this advert really does bring back bad memories for some people. I was raped and it's difficult for me to watch this advert though I have to try not to react since my family don't know I was raped. Luckily for me I'm conastantly thinking about the rape which means that seeing the advert can't suddenly bring it all back all at once. I think we need to make people more aware of rape but I don't think this advert is the best way forward.

    Reply

    Katheryn - 24/01/2013

    • Hi Katheryn,

      Thanks for your feedback. We are really sorry to hear about this awful incident from your past and that our campaign is distressing you.

      We do realise that this is an extremely sensitive subject. We also realise that the advert is confrontational and difficult to watch, this is because it’s a very real representation of a very real problem. Research shows that there are large numbers of teenagers (both male and female) who view this sort of behaviour as normal and/or just something that you put up with.

      Our objective for this campaign is to improve understanding of what is and isn’t acceptable sexual behaviour, thereby helping people to recognise and name sexual abuse and rape as such. The advert was developed with the help of several charities who work with people who have been affected by this issue and was also extensively researched with young people prior to being made.

      The reason for it being shown on national television is an attempt to reach as many people as possible, creating national awareness of a national problem. We have already seen, in the response to the advert on this website, that it is proving helpful in enabling young people to rethink their attitudes towards rape. We are truly sorry to hear of your distress but hope that you can appreciate the need to address this very serious issue.

      As you are upset and thinking about your own experience, maybe you should talk to someone about what happened to you? It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you're under 18 you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you're over 18 you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 01/02/2013

  • dean

    24/01/2013

    why is it rape is always blammed on men? i mean no offence as i obviously know that a lot of women are rapped every year and its horrible, i just feel that this typical stereotype of always associating rape with men is wrong

    Reply

    dean - 24/01/2013

    • Hi Dean,

      The law says that rape can only be committed by a man as for the offence to be committed there must be intentional penetration of the mouth, vagina or anus of another person with a penis. A woman can be convicted of sexual assault, which includes other sexual acts (e.g. intentional penetration of the vagina or anus of another person with a part of her body or an object). Both rape and sexual assault are crimes and can result in imprisonment. You can read more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult

      The objective of this campaign is to improve understanding of what is and isn’t acceptable sexual behaviour, thereby helping people to recognise and name sexual abuse and rape as such.

      The advert was developed with the help of several charities who work with people who have been affected by this issue and was also extensively researched with young people prior to being made.

      We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight. This site has lots of information and advice in the ‘your questions’ and ‘need help’ sections for males who have been victims of abuse and those in same sex relationships.

      This Is Abuse team 01/02/2013

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Results: 90 - 105 of 538

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