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This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

Zoe's story

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape
  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical
  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Controlling Behaviour
  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP
  • Mandem On The Wall
  • Twist and Pulse
  • Charlie McDonnell
  • Bedroom
  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Sam & Alice
  • If you could see yourself
  • Party
  • School
  • Takeaway

Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.

what do you think? share your opinions

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Results: 270 - 285 of 538

  • JohnsonBoii (Traveller)

    24/04/2012

    Hello, ThisisABUSE & friends,

    I'm a lad, i had sex at the age of 15 with a 15 yr.old lass... and unfortunelly we didnt have money to get condoms at the time and now, I'm a father to her kid,
    and now since shes had the kid she wont let me see it,
    would that be classed as Abuse/Rape?

    If it is what should i do about it?#

    Should i take her to court? to get childcare support or whatever it is...


    Btw im 17 (18 in december 2012)
    Please Get In Touch ASAP Ty!

    Reply

    JohnsonBoii (Traveller) - 24/04/2012

    • Hi Johnsonboii

      Thanks for you post and I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

      You can cantact the following organisation which will be able to offer advice:
      Families need Fathers on www.fnf.org.uk
      Family Lives on familylives.org.uk

      This Is Abuse team 27/04/2012

  • Anonymous

    24/04/2012

    hi I'm 13, I know this sounds bad because I'm only 13 but I went over to my 'friends' house who was a boy, it seemed fine at first, playing on the Xbox and such. the night before I was sayig I would do stuff with him but the day after I didn't, I told him that I changed my mind. but he started to go down my pants, I crossed my legs and huffed he tried o go down my pants and he started to moan because I started to moan, and I couldn't listen too his moaning any more so I let him finger me.. I really hated this and he promised he wouldn't tell anyone but the week after he told a mate and they told another mate and so on, is this rape? because a lot have said it is I just want to make sure. the boy is 14 by the way, thank you for your time :)x

    Reply

    Anonymous - 24/04/2012

  • Anonymous

    24/04/2012

    hi I'm 13, I know this sounds bad because I'm only 13 but I went over to my 'friends' house who was a boy, it seemed fine at first, playing on the Xbox and such. the night before I was sayig I would do stuff with him but the day after I didn't, I told him that I changed my mind. but he started to go down my pants, I crossed my legs and huffed he tried o go down my pants and he started to moan because I started to moan, and I couldn't listen too his moaning any more so I let him finger me.. I really hated this and he promised he wouldn't tell anyone but the week after he told a mate and they told another mate and so on, is this rape? because a lot have said it is I just want to make sure. the boy is 14 by the way, thank you for your time :)x

    Reply

    Anonymous - 24/04/2012

    • Hi

      The law says that rape involves penetration with the penis. But if you were forced or pressured into taking part in a sexual activity when you didn't want to, then you were the victim of sexual assault, which is also a crime. You can read more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult

      This Is Abuse team - 25/04/2012

  • person

    24/04/2012

    2 yeas ago i was having a sleepover at my boyfriends house and we were watcing a film about relationships and we were sat next to eachother on his bed (his parents were out clubbing) and he started to feel around the top of my thigh and fiddiling with my belt buckle when he had undid it his other hand went up the back of my shirt and he started undoing my bra strap i told him to stop but he said he would tell everyone i was fridjed if i dident shut up so i did and after about half an hour he had undun my shirt i wanted it to stop therebut he just carried on then he pinned me on his bed and had sex with me when he had finished i got up and ran into the bathroom and started crying he came in and said he felt realy bad for what he did and promised he would never do it again we made up and we are still going out together but now we talk to each other and he asks me if im readu before we do anything sexual but what i want to know is was this rape and should i have told anyone???


    sorry about my spelling im a bit dyslexic

    Reply

    person - 24/04/2012

    • Being forced to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Many people who have suffered find it helpful to talk to someone about it, but it’s a personal decision. You say you’re still with him and he now always asks if you’re ready before you do anything sexual, which is good, but if you do want to discuss it with someone, there are lots of organisations who can help in the Need Help section of the site.

      This Is Abuse team 25/04/2012

  • CaZz

    24/04/2012

    People Who Do This Are Sick.
    Sick Minded!
    They Should Bring Back The Death Pelanty!

    - CaZz

    Reply

    CaZz - 24/04/2012

  • Anonymous

    24/04/2012

    I met this boy and got to talking to him for a while, i finally went to his house. We were fooling around in the bedroom and i did suppose make it seem like i was up for sex but i wasn't. He forced me down to the bed and wouldn't get off me no matter how hard i tried. It only happened last year. But i still believe its my fault. I feel like i provoked him so i feel its not only his fault. Is it my fault as well? or am i wrong, is it just him?

    Reply

    Anonymous - 24/04/2012

    • as far as im concerned whether you lead him on or not as soon as you said that you didnt want it then he crossed the line and hes in the wrong.

      Louise - 26/04/2012

    • No, it's not. I may be bias 'cuz i'm a girl too, but i don't believe it is your fault.
      See if i guy's interested in you and wants to be with you, he should acknowledge (and prbably respect) whatever you say right? so when you said 'no, i don't wanna do it' he should have acknowledged that and backed off (even if reluctantly).

      i 'suppose you shouldn't have led him on, and in that respect you might be at fault, but what matters is that he forced you to have sex with him. Here, he is Definately at fault.

      Saki Utawarerumono - 24/04/2012

  • Anonymous

    24/04/2012

    When I was 16 I went on holiday with my sister and some relatives. I was introduced to there friends one included to be a 45 year old man. As he was a friend I automatically trusted him, however during the holiday more and more things happened that made me very uncomfortable around him such as he told me he payed women of around 17 to sleep with him and said i was his type and constantly complimented me. One night the wind blew my skirt up and I pulled it down but then he tried to force it back up. Also he'd touch my bum in the pool and legs. Also when i came out of the shower he was in the living room and i didn't realise and then he tired to take my towel off even though he tried to make it seem like it was a joke, he could see i did not find it funny. At the end of the holiday he demanded he sat next to me in a meal and passionately kissed my arm with tongue and put his hand very far up my thigh. I told my relative how uncomfortable I was around him and he was too friendly and she just told me I was being silly. Is this abuse? I am now 20 and still a virgin and I do think this has affected me as any opportunities that have come to have sex I panic and during uni a boy crashed at mine I said just as friends but he layer in my bed i said I'm going to sleep but he kept touching me and i had to force him off and he wouldn't listen until i got up and walked out. I find it very hard to trust boys as I feel they only want sex and don't like me for me. thank you x

    Reply

    Anonymous - 24/04/2012

    • Its not your fault you should have told your parents very clearly i hope you can trust boys again

      Anonymous - 24/04/2012

    • This seems to be a case of a man with pedophilia, and this is wrong. I understand deeply how this must have been a very traumatic experience that has stayed with you for a very long time.

      Although it may not have seemed like much to others (the relative you told), this is still clasified as rape. Carressing someone who doesn't want to be touched is clasified as rape. No, it is not silly, he was maikng you feel uncomfortable. Furthermore, the fact that he was 45 must have made it more uncomfortable an is a paedo. Not only is it rape, but wrong as you ar only a minor.

      I hope you don't get too worried about it but it was right for you to let it out. I hope that you build up confidence and realise that there are some men who want to have sex with you because they love you for who you are.

      The Writer - 24/04/2012

  • Charlette Goult

    23/04/2012

    i think rape is wrong

    Reply

    Charlette Goult - 23/04/2012

  • Laura

    23/04/2012

    I was with someone I thought I trusted and would never hurt me but he did the most horrible thing that no one should go through, I sometimes have nightmares about that day but I'm so lucky I have my friends and family that supported me through that traumatic experience. Sadly some people that went through what I did suffer in silence, have no support what so ever and doesn't tell anyone. If anyone has been through any sort of experience like that speak up you are not alone.

    Reply

    Laura - 23/04/2012

  • Anon

    23/04/2012

    I've been friends with a guy from work for around 5 years now. 3 years ago he told me he liked me and that he'd like it if we could be more than friends. I told him that i was just out of a relationship and couldn't face having a boyfriend and that I didn't see him that way. He helped my through a lot of hard times and he meant the world to me as a friend, lovely lovely guy, trusted him with my life at the time. Although the more we started seeing eachother and talking the stronger his feelings became! When I eventually got a new boyfriend a year ago he became angry and obsessive, saying that i never "gave him a chance" that I was "being unfair". He often texted me constant abusive messages sometimes receiving one every 30 seconds even if I didn't reply. We eventually stopped talking because I got fed up with the stress he caused and my friends worried about the situation. He started telling me that he felt suicidal and that it was my fault and had been diagnosed as an alcoholic so I started talking to him again. In my head I decided it was better to tolerate him than live the rest of my life knowing that I'd caused someone to kill themself. I felt so bad that I broke up with my boyfriend with the fear of him doing something stupid. Then last October I was in my house sleeping at about 1am when someone knocked the door, it was my "friend". He'd texted me saying that he was at a halloween party and that he was going to come visit. I'd said I'd be angry but I could hardly stop him. I let him in and moaned about it for a bit before going back upstairs to sit in bed. At this point i had no reason to think that he would do anything but I do look back and think that if i hadn't maybe the following events wouldn't have happened! I trusted him, his mum had been sexually assaulted so I knew how strongly he felt about it. But before i knew it he was in my bed touching me. I kept pushing his hands away and saying "I'm serious, stop it" He kept trying to kiss me and eventually had my pants off. This is the point that I started to freak out and started crying before he had sex with me (unprotected). I cant even describe how i was feeling as it happened, i think i froze in time. I have no idea how long it lasted or how i managed to get him to stop. I just remember crying and saying "please don't". Then he left. The next day was a blur. I told my best friend about it (he knew something was up when he came to see me) and i felt really tearful all day. I never ever use the word rape though because I dont want to believe that thats what it is. I feel like it was my fault and that noone would believe me if I told them because I've been trying to act normal ever since, even though i think about it every day. I've told my best friend, my ex boyfriend and 2 girls that I live with. Noone mentions it though, I dont think theyre sure how to approach the situation, but it just makes me think that they think I'm lying. I also blame myself for what happened to an extent. This is my first step in getting help. Its nice to know there are people out there who understand- id just like to know is it wrong that I'm still worried about him after all this? Ive been acting normal around him ever since for the fear that ill say something that will push him over the edge. I feel like my head is going to explode!

    Reply

    Anon - 23/04/2012

    • Im not saying tell everyone but the more you talk the easier it will get even if that means just talking to a pet it makes it easier and it wont be that scary anymore!

      Anonymous - 24/04/2012

    • Hi Anon

      Thank you for your post, I'm sorry to hear about what happend to you.

      Please don't blame yourself for what happened, it is not your fault and there was nothing you could have done it to prevent it. The fault is always with the abusers and the person who rapes and not with the victim. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime.

      From your post I can see that you have spoken to your friends about it, but as you feel they are not taking your concerns seriously, I think it might help you to talk to someone in confidence. They will be able to offer you personal advice and talk through your options.

      You can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) or have a look at Help pages on this website. It lists organisations which might be able to help you.

      This Is Abuse team 24/04/2012

  • Kiron

    23/04/2012

    This is rape and you shouldn't stand for it you should try to tell someone your close to or something like that.Your's has alot of meaning and alot of detail which proves that this is real.No offence to everyone else but they havn't put so much detail and meaning into it like you i think what you had done to you was disgusting however when you said thats you cant hug another boy because of it tell the boy that and if he really cares he will understand you hope this means alot i had a long time writing this all the best Kiron :)

    Reply

    Kiron - 23/04/2012

  • Rose

    23/04/2012

    i think that this is correct guys these days Single or guys who are in a relationship mainly expect sex, and just want to get into the womans knickers so they can brag to their mates whos had sex with who and how many time , (its like an award to them) i think its wrong. if a woman says no or she doesnt want to, it means NO .(FULL STOP)

    Reply

    Rose - 23/04/2012

    • Hi Rose, I can definitely tell you that not all guys are like that. I was in an abusive relationship but I got out with the help of my mum. I'm now married to an amazing guy. We are equal partners in every area of our relationship and we both accept "no" without question. I can really trust him.

      I hope that you can meet some guys who can show you what it means to be a really decent man. We need to be careful not to judge all guys by the behaviour of some! Most are decent blokes but hopefully this campaign will help people to see abusive guys for who they really are!

      Rachel - 21/05/2012

    • I don't agree, there are guys who don't expect sex or anything, so i don't it's fair to generalise the whole male population with the same brush!

      Not all guys "just want to get into the womans knickers so they can brag to their mates whos had sex with who", which is again unfair to the male population.

      Of course a lot of the videos shown show young girls as the victims of the crime, but let's not forget that there are young boys/men who are also victims of the same crime!

      If ANYONE, male OR female say no, that they don't want to, it means no, FULL STOP!

      I think that the jail sentence for whoever commits the crime should be equal if not more than someone who commits murder, because the low lifes who commit these crimes should not be able to get away so easy!

      Anonymous - 26/04/2012

  • h2332h

    22/04/2012

    Me and my boyfriend dont have sex at all we have been together for 3 years.. the world were living in is so sex obsessed boys in our day and age are pressured to watch porn and i think that is why so many guys put it on with other girls they think that having sex makes them a guy .. Too all the girls who think all boys are like this dont lose hope your standards matter WAIT FOR A GUY WHO TREATS YOU LIKE A PRINCESS! My boyfriend has never pressured me into anything and we are waiting until we get married were making a new stand for purity that sex isnt everything that a relationship should be built on a friendship and romance not sex ...

    Reply

    h2332h - 22/04/2012

  • Anonymous

    22/04/2012

    i dont know if this is sexual assault, but when i was 14, my boyfriend who was also 14, began kissing me and feeling me down there ontop of jeans. then ontop of my underwear..which i was kind of fine with. then he started begging me to let him actually finger me, and i REALLY didnt want to, i kept saying no, but he kept begging and asking why not, and eventually i couldnt keep saying no and gave up. then he fingered me and it hurt and i just took the pain. it was absolutely traumatic, and still affects me to this day (im now 18) because i never planned on having sexual activity before marriage. i do love him and he cares for me a lot. but was this assault?

    Reply

    Anonymous - 22/04/2012

    • Hi Anonymous, there are many ways of saying no. Verbally and by your body language. Part of being in a loving relationship involves reading the other person and making sure they are comfortable with what you're doing. This is the same for all areas of a relationship including sex. No one has the right to touch you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable and fingering someone who doesn't want to be touched like that is sexual assault. I'm sorry that this has happened to you. Maybe you can talk it through with someone you can trust?

      Rachel - 21/05/2012

    • well you allowed him so no it isnt

      katie - 14/05/2012

    • yes my dear

      Anonymous - 23/04/2012

  • girl.

    22/04/2012

    I had an ex that made me feel really guilty when i didn't want to have sex with him, sometimes he's even get really angry with me when i said no. So sometimes I'd end up doing it just to keep him to keep him happy,i was also on the pill but wanted to come off because of the side effects, and asked if we could use condoms instead for a while until i found a contraception that suited me and he said that if he had to use condoms he wouldn't have sex with me. We have broken up now but was this abuse because I'm not sure?

    Reply

    girl. - 22/04/2012

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