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This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

Zoe's story

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape
  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical
  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Controlling Behaviour
  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP
  • Mandem On The Wall
  • Twist and Pulse
  • Charlie McDonnell
  • Bedroom
  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Sam & Alice
  • If you could see yourself
  • Party
  • School
  • Takeaway

Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.

what do you think? share your opinions

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Results: 255 - 270 of 538

  • J

    29/04/2012

    If I didn't want to have sex with my ex boyfriend he'd start groping me and push me down every time I said no until I'd have to have sex with his so he'd stop, is this rape or just me being weak?

    Reply

    J - 29/04/2012

    • Hi J

      Thanks for your post.

      To answer your question, if you didn't consent to sex or any sexual actitivy, if you were forced or pressured to have sex when you didn't want it, than it was rape and rape is a crime.

      If this has happened to you, try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      This Is Abuse team 30/04/2012

  • Anonymous

    29/04/2012

    I was in a sexually abusive relationship for about a year, it was horrible. Now I've escaped and finally want to start dating again, but due to my past experiences I flinch when a man so much as holds my hand. Has anyone else felt this way or have any suggestions of how I can move on from my fears and start living again?

    Reply

    Anonymous - 29/04/2012

    • Hi Anonymous

      Thank you for your post and I'm sorry to read you are having a tough time.

      Have you tried talking about what happened and how you feel in confidence.

      You can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      This Is Abuse team 30/04/2012

  • jack

    28/04/2012

    hello, im new and i'v got a problem, i have a friend called Amy she is 13 and in arelationship with a much older boy, im worried that he might presure her into having sex, what should I do she trusts me not to tell the teacher, but im really worried.

    Reply

    jack - 28/04/2012

    • hi Jack,i was in a similar situation, sit down and talk to her about it privatley, express your feelings that you feel unsafe for her x it will work out alright i the end x

      katie x - 14/05/2012

    • Hi Jack

      Thanks for your post, if you think you have spotted some of the warning signs of abuse in your friend’s relationship, they may need professional help and your encouragement and support to help to stop it.

      Tell your friend you are worried about them and let them know that the abuse is not their fault, it’s unacceptable and that support is available.

      It can be useful to think up a code word that they can use on the phone to let you know they need help. 
Don't ignore the issue if you think it is happening. When you try to talk to them, try not to make them feel judged as it takes courage to admit abuse. 
Encourage them to talk to a trusted adult, and if their partner has been violent or forced them to have sex, encourage them to talk to the police. You shouldn’t confront their partner on your own and neither should your friend. 

      If your friend wants to speak to someone in confidence encourage them to contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 or Childline on 0800 11 11 they can also go to www.childline.org.uk where you they can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      This Is Abuse team 30/04/2012

  • ANONYMOUS

    28/04/2012

    i am 18 and had sex with my boyfriend.....he made a sex tape without my permission. i didnt know he was making one. is this abuse?

    Reply

    ANONYMOUS - 28/04/2012

    • Yes it is abuse and the worst kind, as your intimate experience can be used online and re-lived over and over again without your consent. As you are 18, you could try and report the matter to the police or better still seek legal advice from a solicitor, perhaps a strongly worded letter from them might convince him to delete the images. Please, if there is any advice I could give to young people, remember any images or films you make can come back to haunt you later on and could, in some circumstances cost you your job.

      mana - 09/05/2012

  • Sophie

    28/04/2012

    I havnt had anything done to me... But i cant trust boys because of what has happened to my friend... She was round her boyfriends house and she was raped. At about 3 in the morning, i had her knocking my my door asking if she could stay round mine. She told me what ahd happened and her story has made me so scared of staying round my boyfriends house. I know not every boy is like that but i might be unlucky enough to have a boyfriend like that... What can i do to make sure?

    Reply

    Sophie - 28/04/2012

    • Hi Sophie

      Thanks for your post and I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your friend.

      Please remember that although abuse in relationship happens to many people, majority of people have healthy relationships.

      In order to keep safe have a look at signs of abuse in relationships on this website http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse
      It will tell you on what to look out for as abusing behaviour can escalate overtime.

      This Is Abuse team 30/04/2012

  • Blake

    27/04/2012

    Saw this campaign advert at the cinema....sadly I don't think it helps the situation and a more preventative nature for both males and females should be addressed instead....

    Cases like this would never be successfully prosecuted: The 'evidence' would be that
    they are alone so it's the old adage of his word against hers; they're obviously at a party together as a couple, they go upstairs voluntarily as a couple, they go into a bedroom as a couple laughing and joking....

    This is all ANY eyewitnesses would see...therefore no case.

    Think about WHERE you are...WHO you are with....WHAT are you doing there? WHAT do you think the other person is there for...

    Maybe then there will be less of the WHY? and more people will stay safe

    Reply

    Blake - 27/04/2012

    • I disagree.

      Of course it's not just about legalities but the legal processes in this country do not help and why the conviction rate is low. What I pointed out is illustrative of what the courts would see....

      So what can you do to stop ever being in this horrific situation? You protect yourself as best you can...

      It's not a question of putting blame onto the victim either - I never said that while I never mentioned anything about what clothes were being worn!! That's a very stereotypical viewpoint to take.

      To me, it's a question of being a little bit smart, streetwise and using a bit of common sense whoever you are.

      For instance, as a guy, if I am out and meet a girl I like and we start chatting, I may offer to buy her a drink.....but I make sure she comes to the bar with me.....in turn protecting not only myself but her as well.

      Similarly, there have been times when girls have collapsed off their face in clubs.....no-one has taken any real notice but as a Good Samaritan I make sure a bouncer or someone knows and they are dealt with...again I make sure I am not alone when I am trying to help someone and in public view at all time.

      My younger sister was also taught not to play silly games like how many free drinks she can get out of guys on nights out. Because, although most are fine, there are a few people who will be looking for something in return...

      Sadly this is the way of the world in the 21st century...we don't live in unlocked terraced houses, all go to church with a sense of community and strong upstanding morals and views...it is predominantly a nasty place at time.

      Furthermore, 'Abuse is Abuse' is a trivial thing to say in my post as it is was not a case of morality - we can all agree with that it is wrong....

      It's about ALL society taking a collective responsibility through protection and prevention....

      Blake - 01/05/2012

    • I'm not sure that the point of the project is to consider legalities. The advertisements are aimed at helping people who have been abused and, crucially, at STOPPING THE ABUSER. Regardless of any testimonies or evidence, the whole scene is wrong. To say 'be careful where you are, who you're with, or what you're wearing' is to shift blame. No person can go around thinking about potential abuse and how to avoid it the whole time - especially since abuse mainly occurs in trusting relationships. Instead of stating that people should stay safe, society needs to put more emphasis on the fact that this should not be happening. Abuse is abuse and the person committing it is in the wrong.

      Anon - 30/04/2012

  • Sarah

    27/04/2012

    I have never been raped but i have a friend who was raped at a young age and i think its a horrible thing do nobody should have to go through that.

    Reply

    Sarah - 27/04/2012

  • Bianca

    27/04/2012

    Hi, I was at a party.. a guy had been giving me drinks all night.. he lead me off into a secluded part of the garden where we were kissing.. suddenly he pulled my pants down. i told him to stop but he ignored me and i was too scared to do anything. about 10 minutes later he left me lying on the grass on my own with my knickers around my ankles. I've never done anything about it as I know he was drunk and I don't think he realised the gravity of what he was doing.. I too had been drinking which, as far as I'm aware, nulls any argument in court. He added me on facebook 2 years later which caused me to have panic attacks consistently for the next 2 months whenever I was on my own.. Is it too late now to do anything?

    Reply

    Bianca - 27/04/2012

    • Hi Bianca

      Thank you for your post and I'm sorry to hear you are having to deal with all that is happening.

      Firstly, historic allegation can still be reported if this is something you wish to do. There would not be any forensic recovery however the police can still investigate the substantive offence.
      However before making the decision, I would suggest speaking to professional to ensure you have full details of the process and advice.

      Talking to someone may also help you deal with the past. You can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      This Is Abuse team 30/04/2012

  • vicky

    26/04/2012

    this happened to me but it was a family member is this rape?

    Reply

    vicky - 26/04/2012

    • yes, sadly rape from a person you know happens a lot more than stranger rape

      ashley - 29/04/2012

    • Yes, it is and you should probably report it. I'm really sorry for what happened to you, and I hope you're coping okay. x

      Ada - 28/04/2012

    • yes....depends if she didnt want to

      hello - 28/04/2012

  • carrie

    26/04/2012

    alot of the time my boyfriend call me names makes me feel worthless and that id be better of dead then he presures me into sex when i dont want it and thats pretty much everyday. i want to leave him but cant he controls my money and spends it before i even get a chance to buy anything i need.

    i just want to know if any of this is abuse cause its really starting to get to me.

    Reply

    carrie - 26/04/2012

    • Hi Carrie

      If you are suffering from emotional abuse, which can include someone putting you down, or calling you nasty names, trying to control you and stopping you doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do, try and find someone you trust to talk to.

      This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and you feel you can trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      This Is Abuse team 27/04/2012

  • Ched

    26/04/2012

    Hello my name is Ched. Last may I had been clubbing with a friend and he picked up a drunk girl and took her back to a premier inn. He then text me telling me he 'had a girl'. I arrived at the premier inn and me + x had sex with the girl. I'd just like to know if this is rape??

    Reply

    Ched - 26/04/2012

    • This site is for people who actually want advice or support, not for someone who is trying to make fun of what is happening to so many people. 'Ched' - this obviously refers to the story of the footballer who was convicted of raping a girl this week, after his friend texting him saying he 'had a girl'.

      Louise - 29/04/2012

    • Hi Ched

      Thank you for your post.

      Unfortunately I cannot answer your questions as I don't know whether the girl consented to having sex.

      The law on rape say that if you do not get consent – it's rape. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime.
      Also, sex with any girl/boy under 16 is unlawful, including oral. It doesn't make any difference if permission (consent) is given or not, if you're under 16 sex is illegal.

      Have a look at these pages, they might help with your question http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult/consent

      This Is Abuse team 26/04/2012

  • lollie3

    25/04/2012

    i have a stepdad nd i am really scared 2 be alone wiv him. my dad died in 2008 nd i really miss him but i feel stupid talking about him. but what shall i do shall i just act normel aroud him or not? shall i tell somebody? xoxo

    Reply

    lollie3 - 25/04/2012

    • You should tell a close friend, or even a close family member, so that they can understand what you are going through. It is hard to be left alone with your mother's husband, almost like being left with a stranger, but be strong, and act as soon as you can. You can do it.

      xx Jay xx

      J - 30/04/2012

  • lollie3

    25/04/2012

    hey people im 11 nd i am very scared of growing up nd having a bf in high school. please can u give me some advice. thx for reading xoxox

    Reply

    lollie3 - 25/04/2012

    • Believe me there is nothing to be scared of about growing up, provided you are careful that you're not forced into anything you don't want. I'm seventeen and i've only just got my first boyfriend. Trust me it's worth waiting for the right guy, if you're not sure about dating then don't. High school is almost nothing like it seems in the movies and it's really a lot less scary than you'd imagine. Just remember that you always have a choice and if you choose not to date until you feel ready then that is your decision. I know people who started dating too early and regret it so if some people tease you then they really need to grow up.

      Alex - 17/05/2012

  • Anonymous

    25/04/2012

    Hey,

    I am now 22 but when i was 15 my boyfriend constantly bullied me and told me what to do. One night i went round his and we was sitting upstairs in his bedroom. Nobody else was home due to his Mum and Dad working late shifts. I fell asleep on his bed then i woke up (still late at night) with my top off and him in the middle of pulling my pants down. I immediately ran home crying but i didn't tell my parents as i was embarrassed and scared. I text him straight away and told him that we needed to break up and what you did was wrong. He text me back saying fine but you'll regret it. I thought he was just mucking around. That day when I went to school i told my best friend and we stayed behind at school to talk about it and finish revising. When It was time to go home, it was dark so my friend walked half way home with me. She then turned the other way to walk back to her house. 5 boys ran up to me and pinned me down behind some bushes i didn't recognize them at first but then i heard there voices. It was my ex and his friends. I shouted and screamed STOP but nobody heard me. They all took turns with me. It was horrid. I know this was not my fault but i thought i should share it :(

    Reply

    Anonymous - 25/04/2012

    • I feel for you
      I am so sorry you have ever had to go though that
      You should tell the police be cause that is gang rape

      Laura - 13/08/2012

    • yeah i agree, i would like to see them go into prison, they only do it because it gives them a sense of controll. x

      katie - 14/05/2012

    • I am so sorry, If anything like that happend to me i'd share it to! Have you told the police the boys would proberly go to the BIG HOUSE for several years?

      Meg - 28/04/2012

    • im so sorry guy can be x, i hope they went down

      adam - 27/04/2012

  • Natalie

    25/04/2012

    I think rape is a horrific thing that nobody should have to put up with. Its a horrid thing but can happen to anybody! Rape isn't the nicest thing to talk about but people should learn about it. They don't teach you this sort of thing at school but they really should especially as you start to get older! Most kids don't know exactly what rape is in fact most of them just think it's abduction and then sex.Rape can be all sorts of different things. This is a life lesson that i think all kids should learn as they got older. I have been through an experience of rape myself. It was horrible!

    Reply

    Natalie - 25/04/2012

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Results: 255 - 270 of 538

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