This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

Zoe's story

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape
  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical
  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Controlling Behaviour
  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP
  • Mandem On The Wall
  • Twist and Pulse
  • Charlie McDonnell
  • Bedroom
  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Sam & Alice
  • If you could see yourself
  • Party
  • School
  • Takeaway

Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.

what do you think? share your opinions

Please read and accept these rules on the right before commenting. All of the comments you post on this website are treated confidentially and moderated.

  • This is so we can email you to let you know if there's been any replies to your message. Your email address will never be shown or passed on to anyone.
  • I wish to opt out of notification emails

Pages << < 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 > >>

Results: 225 - 240 of 548

  • Anon

    04/12/2012

    Personally, i think teenagers have to help themselves, too. I know that this is very tragic, and it's a real shame that this happens, but a lot of young people knowingly put themselves in a risky situation.

    I am a 15 year old girl, and i find it very sickening when girls my age are already having sex, drinking every weekend with their friends, and just acting promiscuous 24/7. I have never had a single drink of alcohol in my life, and i NEVER intend on doing so.

    Nor have i ever been in a relationship with anybody, or had a sexual encounter. Alcohol has very badly ruined one side of my family, and i hate it when teenagers think it is clever and acceptable to drink until they cannot take account for their actions. Why does alcohol have to be involved if you want to have a good time?

    Surely there are other things to do, like go out to a sporting club, or going to listen to music concerts etc. Does anybody agree with what i am trying to say? Because i am starting to feel as if i am the only person my age who thinks and acts this way. I would really appreciate your views on this.

    Reply

    Anon - 04/12/2012

    • I see what you're saying, and I think a lot of people feel that way. Being drunk definitely makes you more vulnerable to being raped (in fact, having sex with someone who is drunk is rape as they are not able to give their consent). Personally, I feel that this is a very subtle form of blaming the victim, i.e. if they hadn't been drunk, they wouldn't have been raped. Shouldn't we live in a world where people don't have to modify their behaviour to avoid rape? We shouldn't treat rape as a natural threat that will never be eliminated. I'm much like you in that I dislike alcohol, and find drunk people annoying, but I recognise that some people enjoy getting drunk and that they should be able to do this without the fear of being raped.

      Callan - 05/12/2012

    • Yes!! I do completely agree with you about drinking, I am 16 and so far have never had a alcoholic drink, all my friends do but I just don't see the point. So don't worry your not the only one.

      Ella - 05/12/2012

  • Lauren

    04/12/2012

    My boyfriend is 19 and i am 13, i know this is a big age gap but i trust him and he hasnt tried to hurt me in any way however he has said that he wants to be intimate, and although i want to do things with him im just nervous about taking my clothes off and obviously the pain, he has said that he doesnt want to force me into anything and i dont have to do anything if i dont want to.

    But on our first kiss he did do tongues with me which i wasnt expecting, i dont want to break up with him as i love him LOADS but im scared that if i dont do something he will leave me and find someone closer his own age, also he has been ignoring my messages this week (this has happened before) - is he cheating on me? what should i do?

    Help please xxx

    Reply

    Lauren - 04/12/2012

    • Hi Lauren

      We're glad you got in touch. Although you say you trust your boyfriend, and that he would not harm you, your description of his behaviour & the age gap between you, are warning signs of abuse. What he is suggesting is illegal and wrong.

      It is also never OK to make someone feel bad if they don't want to have sex, as this is a form of emotional abuse. Ignoring your messages is a form of control, of playing on your feelings.

      It can be very hard to leave an abusive relationship - no matter what kind. There are many reasons why people don't feel they can leave. Fear is a huge one, also uncertainty about what to do/who can help. Some people may not realise that they are being abused and not even be looking for help. A big factor in not leaving can simply be love.

      Love is such a powerful emotion it can over rule anything else. If you are still in contact with this person, i would urge you to think about ending the relationship safely.

      It’s important to be aware of what abuse looks like. The Spot the Signs page includes behaviours that may mean you’re in an abusive relationship: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Tempero Moderation 04/12/2012

  • ismail

    04/12/2012

    This is not really good

    Reply

    ismail - 04/12/2012

  • Chloe

    03/12/2012

    I'd been going out with this guy called Alex for a year and half and i finally broke it off. He was too clingy, got upset and annoyed if i went out with my mates or if i didn't see him everyday. This break up was right smack bang in the middle of exams and his constant nagging and need actually made me miserable; I couldn't go out with other guys or even have a sleepover with my best friend without him constantly texting and ringing me. Anyway, the day before he (i hate saying it) raped me we went on a school trip and I became ill due to the poor weather so he gave me his coat (He followed me the whole time, every ride he was there, every stop he was there following me). He came over the next day to get his jacket unannounced and i was still in bed. He asked me for sex and i said no, but he did it anyway.. I find it really hard to talk about so i'm sorry if its hard to understand when reading. I confronted him about it and he simply said "I didn't know" and "I didn't hear you". The worst thing was, he left after, he left me crying and i thought he cared. I had marks on my inner legs for weeks, i didnt even want to undress for the beach with my best friend. I am scared of this 'boy' still but thankfully he has nothing to do with me, He's in my A-level lessons and is about to drop out and head for college (i'll be gald to see the back of him). Only a few people know of this and they have all been very supportive. I hope one day i will have the courage to speak to my parents about this but right now i want to forget.

    Reply

    Chloe - 03/12/2012

    • Hi Chloe

      We are sorry to hear about what has happened to you. It is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      It's good that you've found the courage to speak to some people about this.

      If you want any further support you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can emaill, text, or chat to a counsellor online.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. They can offering counselling and practical support whether this is an incident that has just happened or from the past.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 03/12/2012

  • G

    03/12/2012

    This summer, I got with a guy whom I had known for a year. We were in a proper relationship, although I think it got more serious than it should have (I was only 17 and about to go to uni). I really thought I loved him, and he was really REALLY in love with me, so we ended up having sex, but I only did it because he kept asking me to. I didn't want to because 1) I was still a virgin and 2) I was just about to leave for uni so I didn't think that taking it that far was a good idea. Also, I might be a little old fashioned and I just wanted to have sex with just one person in my life. I haven't told my mum because she has certain expectations of me, although I think she would be very supportive. When he was done, he asked me "What's wrong? Did you not want to have sex?" and I didn't tell him that I didn't want to because I didn't want to upset him, although it was obvious by the way I was acting.
    It just annoys me and makes me feel stupid that I let him do it. I think it's rape because despite the fact that it was physically pleasurable, there were little emotions (I simply wasn't ready for it) so it just felt wrong. Although in my head I justified myself by saying that we were in a relationship so it was ok.

    I am in uni and he is now my ex and I have completely cut off all contact with him. I ignore all his calls and trash his letters. However, I still find it hard to forget what happened and I would find it hard to enjoy myself with another guy because I would just always think back to that day.

    Reply

    G - 03/12/2012

    • Hi G

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime.

      If this has happened to you, even if it was some months ago, try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you want specialist support, you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information. Rape Crisis can offer counselling and practical support to help you with what has happened to you.


      This Is Abuse team 03/12/2012

  • Rowena

    03/12/2012

    Earlier this year, I was sexually assaulted by my partner, through digital penetration. He has now been charged with sexual assault and will be going to court in December. I did not think that anyone believe me as we were in a sexual relationship and there were no witnesses or forensic evidence. But I have been supported and have got the help I need.

    I still don't know if he will be found guilty or get to trial, but to be believed by the police was very important to me.

    Reply

    Rowena - 03/12/2012

  • michelle

    01/12/2012

    Hi
    I am writing as I am really confused.
    When I was 12 I meet my step brother I really fancied him but at this age I was too young to know about anything else, however he was 2 years older than me and had other tings on his mind. Eventually at the age of 12 he had intercourse with me that I did not consent to.
    At the time I was confused wheter or not this was right or wrong as I liked him however now at the age of 34 he still demands sex from me and takes it when evr he can.
    I am so scared as sometimes I want to have sex with him but the majority of the time I do not. and he still does it anyway. Can you like someone who rapes you?
    I have had many relationships and can't seem to stay faithful as I always feel my slef esteem is low and if I am not getting the attention then the person does not like me, could this be because of what I am going through.
    Please help...

    Reply

    michelle - 01/12/2012

    • Hi Michelle

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. This is not your fault and you deserve to be safe and supported.

      For help and support you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

      If you're scared and feel that you're in danger, call the police on 999. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted.

      This Is Abuse team - 03/12/2012

  • 28/11/2012

    Chloe
    I was at a houseparty when I was 15 and this incident happened. Everyone had fallen asleep and I was dragged into a seperate room. I left it a long time to tell anyone what had happened but before I had the chance the boy had told everyone that I forced him to have intercourse with me. I fell out with my best friend horribly as she did not believe what I told her. People, especially teenagers need to be more open minded when this topic is discussed... my best friend was the only person in the world who I wanted to tell, yet she called me a liar.
    We have since rekindled our friendship but never talk about what happened for fear of being called a liar again.
    I believe that have overcome the situation, but wanted to inform everyone currently reading this post that has been through similar situations as me that you do get through it! AND definitely do not be afraid to speak with your parents about it - although it is uncomfortable, in the long run is pays off. I told my folks 4 years after, right before I came to uni and they have been incredibly supportive of me.

    Reply

    28/11/2012

    • Thanks for posting. We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      I'm glad that you eventually were able to tell your parents about what happened to you, it's important to find someone you trust to talk to. If you still feel you want advice and support you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      We appreciate the bravery you have shown in talking about your experiences and the sound advice you are giving to others to do the same.

      Thanks

      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team - 02/12/2012

  • 15/10/2012

    CJ
    Excuse me if this is very long. I started going out with my boyfriend when I was 19, for 2 years we were happy. Then one night he raped me. I confronted him over it (not labelling it rape) and he said he thought it was ok because we were in a relationship. Anyway it happened again and a few months later we split. I was away at uni at the time, but when I came back we bumped into each other. Long story short we got back together, and a week after we made it official he raped me again. I went back to Bath and broke it off straight away but was confused because I still felt I loved him. For months and months we had no contact but then I went back home and we bumped into each other yet again. We met up and ended up kissing and talking about maybe one day getting back together again (I know this is stupid, but when I'm with him I just can't believe he did what he did), upon the condition he gets therapy. Anyway we arranged to hang out again, that week but he took 2 weeks to call in which time I just gave up and thought well he's not bothered then. In the meantime I ended up getting closer to a friend, who I know likes me. The ex has called me since but I have been ignoring him. I feel so guilty for ignoring him but I don't have the energy for it anymore. I feel guilty for liking someone else as well, I know if the ex knew he would be angry and upset. Should I tell my ex that I'm seeing somebody else? Should I explain why I don't want contact? Am I guilty of messing him around? I feel like such a bad person. Last time I asked him if we could break contact he got angry with me and made me feel that everything was my fault. I'm back at home now and we live in a small town so the chances of seeing him about are high, it scares the hell out of me.

    Reply

    15/10/2012

    • You should report him and say "Look i have moved on! And it's about time you did so yourself!!!" Put the phone down. Respect yourself and don't be frightened everywhere you go xxx ~:)

      LuckyLuLu - 02/12/2012

    • Dear CJ
      We are sorry to hear about your experiences. We think it is important that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.
      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this and you should never blame yourself for any of this.
      Please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

      This Is Abuse team 19/10/2012

  • 07/10/2012

    Anna
    I was lying in bed with my fiancé one morning and he wanted to have sex. I said no, I didn't want to, but he kept pestering me until I said "look OK I'll do it, but it will hurt me, so please be quick". And he went ahead and did it, even though I was crying in pain. Afterwards I thought he would cuddle and comfort me but he didn't. Later on that day we were supposed to be going out to play card games with his friends, but I felt to ill and sore to go anywhere, so he stormed off to see them in a huff, leaving me to cry on my own. The distress he caused me was made worse by the fact that I was already dealing with the aftermath of having been abused as a child and raped as a young teen, both of which he knew about (but refused to support me in getting professional help/counseling for). However, because I agreed to have sex with him I have found it difficult to think of this incident as rape. I'm just very relieved that I got out of that relationship; I had no sense of self-confidence or self-worth and had I married him the pressure to have sex with him would never have stopped. It gives me shivers just thinking about it.

    Reply

    07/10/2012

    • Hi Jessica, thanks for sharing your story.

      We are sorry to hear about this. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem including self-harming and child abuse or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Tempero Moderation 04/01/2013

    • Hi!

      Im 15 now and when i was around 10-12 years old my Brother had sex with me even if i didnt want .

      My parents took me to a foster home because i was cutting myself i Been raped 3 times in 2012 , i feel terrible and since i was 6 my dad have been hitting me ...

      Even today i feel bad...

      Jessica - 04/01/2013

    • Hi Anna.

      Thanks for posting, it must have taken a lot of courage but I am glad you have now left this relationship.

      We think it is important that even though this may have happened in the past, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

      This Is Abuse team 12/10/2012

  • 02/10/2012

    girl
    i am 16 we were in a pit of dancing. a man came behind me and started tickling and touching my bum. he was maybe 20. it was creepy.
    Is this abuse? Should I have stopped hi,? he was old and should be respomsible.

    Reply

    02/10/2012

    • Hi

      Thank you for posting.

      Someone touching you in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened, like touching you through your clothes, such as bottom pinching is sexual assault.

      Sexual Assault is a crime that can be committed by both men and women against men or women.

      Try and find someone you trust to talk about this.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999

      This Is Abuse team 12/10/2012

  • Michael Robert Brown

    16/09/2012

    This was really a fascinating subject, I am very lucky to have the ability to come to your weblog and I will bookmark this page in order that I might come back one other time.

    Reply

    Michael Robert Brown - 16/09/2012

  • Anonymous

    02/09/2012

    Last year I took a lift from somebody I knew (and trusted) things were ok until they took a serious turn for the worst this lift diverted to a country lane where he raped me in the backseat of he's car. He made it seem like it wasn't rape after because I didn't fight kick and scream I was scared, I went to the police some months after its currently being investigated after being taken over by new officers because the last ones were useless informed me it was "all about budget" called me a liar and issued me with a fixed penalty notice which is in the process of being revoked I did nothing wrong but tell them what that animal did to me and they treated me like a criminal I ran away from home one night upset and when found rather than take me home I was arrested for "obstruction" locked up for the night and released without any form of charge or caution. I decided not to accept it and fought and fought the investigation is reopened and the police involved in the original investigation are now under investigation themselves my family don't know how to cope and frequently tell me it's my fault I feel I've been repeated let down and have no support.

    Reply

    Anonymous - 02/09/2012

    • Power and strength to you. I'm so sorry the dipshit did that to you, and I'm sorry the police were so useless and shit. I hope you will find peace, and I hope they'll put the rapist behind bars. Make sure you take care of yourself; go easy on stressful things and enlist the help of a therapist!

      Loro - 13/09/2012

    • Hello,
      Thank you for your email. I am sorry to hear what has happened to you and the difficulties you have uncounted when you reported this to the police.
      It’s important to remember that being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this and you have done the right thing by reporting this to the police. I am sorry that you have not had support from your family. Try and find someone else you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted so you could also ask them for additional support.
      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      This Is Abuse team - 07/09/2012

  • Hannah

    21/08/2012

    hello.

    i was wondering please could you do some more videos about abuse in relationships and being forced into sex? I think this is an amazing website and gives confidence to people like my self to stand up to abusers x

    Reply

    Hannah - 21/08/2012

    • Hi Patriciya,

      Thanks for your message in response to Hannah's post.

      If you were forced or pressured into taking part in sexual activity at the party by that boy and you didn't feel comfortable with it, that is totally unacceptable and you should talk to someone you trust about what happened.

      It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem in confidence, nothing is too big or small for them, they won’t judge, only listen advise and support. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Please also remember that sex under 16 is illegal and no one should ever force or pressure you into it.

      We hope that helps.

      This Is Abuse team 02/04/2013

    • Hi,
      i am 12 years old this happened a few weeks back when i was at home i used to go to school with my best friend in high school we used to see a boy after school in a car with his dad at the front ..i started liking him the day when smiled at me as far as i remember he was 12 too bit i thing he was younger than me once there was a party in our school and it was kind of a strip party .. young people were allowed it really happened at lunch time me and my friend went i didnt really wanted to go but she forced me so we went in i saw him with her elder sister she went for a drink while i sat down i was wearing my uniform as everybody some even took of theirs which i didnt like to see it was mixed with boys..he saw me and sat next to me first he ignored me the he looked at me and said do u like me i was confused and went of to a area where it wasnt too loud music so i could think ...he came there and took me to the wall where i stared terrifiying he came closer to me i fancied him but i just didnt think that this was the right step he took my blazer and my shirt and skirt of i was in my nickers and bra standing i felt i was diying i thought i was dreaming bcuz it seemed so unreal he took his shirt of and made me touch him he didnt touch my vagina for what i though it wasnt really rape but he toched my breast when my friend was about to come in he wore his clothes quicky and said he fancied me a lot ..etc . i wore my clothes too very quickly and went HELP

      patriciya - 30/03/2013

  • anonymous

    12/08/2012

    My husband & I came home from a lovely day at a wedding & he was very keen for some bedroom antics, I consented to this but as we got going he wanted to go down on me but I said no, he went anyway saying I'll just do a little, you'll like it, i said no again but he kept going, then began fingering me, because he hadn't listened to me I just seemed to lay there getting upset but thought if I really got assertive, he'd huff & give me grief, so I let him get on with it thinking he'll get on with it, come, then fall asleep happy. He got up to get a condom which I thought well it'll be over soon. As.he went inside me his hands moved around &next thing I knew his finger was in my anus, we've discussed this before that its something I won't do but he just did it getting rougher & rougher, I just lay there getting more upset, waiting for it to be over (i feel annoyed at myself for not saying anything but i seemed struck dumb) as he got rougher I couldn't help but wince out loud, he then noticed I was upset, & pulled out saying what's wrong, are you all right, i couldn't really say much, so he got annoyed, went to clean himself up then came back to ask me again, & said you're making me feel like I've raped you, to which I said sorry to him, I didn't mean to make you feel like that, he asked what's wrong with you, so I said I didn't like what you were doing & asked you not to, to which he replied, you seemed to be enjoying it, I just thought you were prudish & if you tried it you'd like it, I was quiet & unresponsive so he said I've nothing to be sorry for if that's what you're expecting, then walked away.
    Am I just being stupid, over sensitive & prudish? He is my husband.
    I can't help but feel upset & angry though, how do i get past this?

    Reply

    anonymous - 12/08/2012

    • You are not stupid. That man is not your husband, he is a rapist. Please, please, get yourself somewhere safe away from him. He does not deserve you, he does not deserve the love of any human being as long as he can't respect others. What he was doing, making you feel guilty and blaming you for what HE did, is typical abuser psychology. It's called gaslighting and it's part of abuse; it means confusing the victim and making them feel like they are crazy, so that they will remain completely dependent upon the abuser. Your husband is Darth Vader. Keep yourself safe, you deserve happiness. He is not entitled to anything; a marriage contract is an agreement to share a life together, but every. single. act. of sexual activity needs to have ENTHUSIASTIC consent on the part of both partners, every single time. If you did not consent, he had no right to do that to you. I am so sorry and I wish you all the strength. Please go away from him, he is not safe to be around. He is a rapist. You are not to blame.

      Loro - 13/09/2012

    • Hello,
      Thanks for your email.
      Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable.
      Try and find someone you trust to talk to, that can help you overcome your feelings of anger and being upset and help you gain the confidence to talk to your husband about how you are feeling and what you find acceptable and what you do not. It is important that you talk to him about how you are feeling and where the boundaries are. Remember it is unacceptable to be forced or pressurised into sex or sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with.
      The Women's Aid's Survivors' Message board is a forum for women only and is a peer support message board that might also be of help: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=0001000100080021§ionTitle=Survivors+Forum.
      You can find out more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult



      This Is Abuse team 20/08/2012

Pages << < 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 > >>

Results: 225 - 240 of 548

Terms and conditions of use

Please read and accept these rules below before commenting. All of the comments you post on this website are treated confidentially and moderated.

Stay safe – don't include any personal information in your comments, such as your surname, email address, street address and phone number.

Don't include the personal details of anyone else in your posts (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers or group leaders).

Don't go off topic - keep your comments relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate. People want their opinions to be heard – don't shout them down.

Don't post crude, racist, offensive, violent or vulgar messages to the site.

Treat everyone with respect – even if someone has a different view to your own, don't let it get personal.

Don't glamorise illegal or dangerous activities, including violence of any kind. It's ok to talk about your experiences but you shouldn't encourage others to do anything illegal or dangerous.

Don't write anything that's untrue about anyone else (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers, group leaders and famous people). Don't write anything that could harm anyone else's reputation.

This isn't a dating site – it's a platform to talk about teenage relationship abuse and your opinions on the matter; don't use it to meet or flirt with other people.

Don't write everything in CAPS – it's the equivalent of shouting and isn't polite or easy for everyone to read.

Don't post entire messages in text speak – it's ok to shorten some words but not everyone understands text speak or finds it easy to read.

It's ok to post links to other websites as long as they're relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate and don't break the house rules in any way.

Don't break copyright rules. This means that you shouldn't post text you didn't write.