This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

Zoe's story

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape
  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical
  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Controlling Behaviour
  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP
  • Mandem On The Wall
  • Twist and Pulse
  • Charlie McDonnell
  • Bedroom
  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Sam & Alice
  • If you could see yourself
  • Party
  • School
  • Takeaway

Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.

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Results: 120 - 135 of 549

  • Jessie

    21/01/2013

    I think this campaign is good. I am 14 now but when I was 11 I was raped by my boyfriend. I think it needs to be clear that this could happen to you as I never thought it would and couldn't be prepared.

    Reply

    Jessie - 21/01/2013

    • Hi Jessie,

      Thanks for your post.

      We're happy to hear you support our campaign. We also very sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. We just want to say that we think it is important that even though this happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 25/01/2013

  • sara

    20/01/2013

    I think plenty of women have been in this position. We have just let it happen in the end, even if we didn't want it to, just because we didn't know how to deal with the situaiton. I am in my 30's and think that so how on earth can we teach young women How to deal with situations like this??

    Reply

    sara - 20/01/2013

    • Hi Sara,

      I think this point really needs addressing. The fact that women such a young age are unaware of how to deal with these situations is a great cause for concern. I think that if youths were made aware of how to deal with situations like this then the amount of abuse reported would drop dramatically.

      Being forced into something so young is such a traumatic event and being pressured into doing it is a crime. Young women do not know what facilities are available and maybe these problems need addressing at a younger age.

      Thom - 28/01/2013

  • Raminta

    20/01/2013

    i got raped by my cousin when i was 12 and know im 15 i still am scared of it and even im got a bf im scared of him oing stuff to me even huggning to me cause after the whole rape thing but my mum knows about it and my best friend but im still reall scared!

    Reply

    Raminta - 20/01/2013

    • Hi Raminta,

      Thanks very much for your post.

      We are so sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. We think it is important that even though this happened a few years ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can, you are clearly upset.

      To be clear; being pressured into doing sexual things you don't like is abuse, and sex with any girl or boy under 16 is unlawful. It doesn't make any difference if permission (consent) is given or not, if you're under 16 sex is illegal.

      It's important to understand that being forced or pressured to have sex when someone doesn’t want to is rape and it is a crime. It's also important you understand about consent - for more information on consent, please visit http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/am-i-abusive/view/rape-sexual-assult/consent so you are clear on what it means.

      Please understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. No matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 25/01/2013

  • anonymous

    19/01/2013

    Although I am unnerved by these adverts - I guess that's what they're supposed to do though, to make you understand how bad these actions are.
    I feel deeply sorry for any victims of rape, be they male or female. Rape needs to stop.
    One of my best friend's had to struggle through a miscarriage without telling anyone after she got pregnant from a friend of ours who is actually 20 or so years old. She (we) are only 15 years old ourselves and this happened whilst she was only 14.
    She told me what happened whilst we were staying at a gathering for a week with some of our other close friends. I asked her whether she consented and she said that she did not say no as she thought that he liked her. I used to trust him so much, he has this kind of personality that everyone likes. I don't know how to trust him now after he hurt one of my closest friends. He even admitted to using her. This 'event' occurred not long after he split up from his girlfriend so i'm guessing that this was a kind of rebound.
    Since then she has told her parents and they're are very supportive and know that it would be the hardest thing that she could ever tell them.
    I did read into whether or not this is rape. Is this called statutory rape as she is under age and he was about 5 years older than her?
    I'm sorry if this is really complicated but I haven't told anyone else about this and I felt that I needed to share this as it is a heavy burden on me as I cannot tell anyone in my family as we happen to be close to the guy's family too and have known them since before I was born.

    Reply

    anonymous - 19/01/2013

    • Hi Anonymous,

      Thanks for your post.

      To be clear; being pressured into doing sexual things you don't like is abuse, and sex with any girl or boy under 16 is unlawful. It doesn't make any difference if permission (consent) is given or not, if you're under 16 sex is illegal.

      It's important to understand that being forced or pressured to have sex when someone doesn’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Speak to your friend and help them understand that this was not their fault.

      It's also important you understand about consent - for more information on consent, please visit http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/am-i-abusive/view/rape-sexual-assult/consent so you and your friend are clear on what it means.

      This is obviously distressing you so try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You should encourage your friend to call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about the problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you they can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
      Alternatively she can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 25/01/2013

  • Emilyn

    19/01/2013

    I got raped a one year ago, I'm pregnant, and nobody knows. And I'm only 14... and realy scared!

    Reply

    Emilyn - 19/01/2013

    • im so sorry to hear about your problem it seems serious you need to contact some one!! let me know if you need help. xxxx

      lauren - 28/01/2013

    • HI Emylin

      We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Tempero Moderation 19/01/2013

  • ella

    19/01/2013

    When I was 5 or 6 yrs old, two of my cousins used to tease me they would touch my legs and genital area and of course i'd try to fight back and defend myself and I remember not being able to understand what they were doing and why they were acting that way.

    They were at my age actually. one of them was a few months older that me and the other was a year younger so they were kids too... and this would happen any time we played in my room or their room.

    I never told this to my mum even as a kis and I dunno why! and in 5 yrs time they were forever asking me to take off my underwear so they could have a look at my genital and each time I told them that I wasn't going to do it. but I was too tired to fight them and I finally gave in and did what they wanted. and after that they didn't tease me again, I was 10 at the time...

    I'm 27 now and still today I'm thinking about all this... can we call it abuse? because they were kids too just like me... but it took such a huge toll on me and destroyed my childhood and still today i'm not able to talk about this to my mum.

    So many yrs has passed and not me nor any of my cousins have a talk about that incident. we meet some times and they r not a threat to me they are actually well adjusted and respect me all the time. but the fact that i lost my childhood because of them, makes me hate them.

    Reply

    ella - 19/01/2013

    • Hi Ella,

      In answer to your last question, yes it is.

      This Is Abuse team 07/02/2013

    • Hi Ella,

      Thanks for posting on the site.

      Our campaign is aimed at 13-18 year olds but there are many specialist support services available for adults.

      Firstly, please understand that forcing or pressurizing someone to have sex or take part in sexual activity that they do not feel comfortable with is unacceptable.

      To find out more information and the definitions of rape and sexual assault, please visit http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult/the-law.

      Information about childhood sexual abuse can be found here: http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/childsexualabuse2.php

      It's important to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a parent or other relative, a close friend, or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. Help and support is out there.

      You can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

      If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

      This Is Abuse team 25/01/2013

  • anonymous

    18/01/2013

    I just know about this recently when i was watching youtube and the advertise pop up. I mean, before i thought that if we are in a relationship and we have sex even though i don't want to that wouldn't be count as rape. And i must confess that the event has left a big scar in my heart.

    I think people should advertise about problems like this more so teenager like me will understand the different between sex and abuse

    Reply

    anonymous - 18/01/2013

  • tia

    17/01/2013

    this has also happened to me a long time ago. a boy that i know used to live in the same building as mine and we used to say hi to each other. but after some time he took me to his house and told me he wanted to show me sthg to play and after we did. he didn't tell me what it was and then we had sex and told me that i should not tell my parents with threat. i was in year 5 and i didn't know anything about it. had i known it at that particular time. till this day i have kept it to myself and i feel horrible. help me please!

    Reply

    tia - 17/01/2013

    • Hi Tia,

      Thanks very much for your post.

      We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should really try to speak to someone about this if you can, you are clearly distressed.

      To be clear - being pressured into doing sexual things you don't like is abuse, and sex with any girl or boy under 16 is unlawful. It doesn't make any difference if permission (consent) is given or not, if you're under 16 sex is illegal.

      Firstly, being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault.

      Secondly, it's very important to understand what consent is, please visit http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/am-i-abusive/view/rape-sexual-assult/consent for more information.

      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 25/01/2013

  • Isobell

    17/01/2013

    hi my names Isobell

    when I was in year 6, I was waiting for my mum to come and pick me up. she didn't come for a long time so my teacher told me to come inside and take a seat. he was putting all the chairs on top of the chairs but he left one whole table in the corner where there were no windows or door.

    he asked me if I could put all the chairs up on that table, and I listened to (I was kind of stupid so I didn't realise what he was about to do) then he closed the door and windows. he walked towards and pushed me onto the table. I fell down and he was looking at my waist I felt a bit uncomfortable, so I got up, but then he pushed me again saying "where are you going?" I said that I was going to see if my mum was there. he said no to me. that's when I realised that he was going to rape me. I tried to get away but he kept on pushing me back to the table.

    then he took off my jumper and shirt and started to touch my breasts and then he took off his trousers and mine and then raped me. I was screaming and screaming for help but no one could hear me because the windows were closed and even if they did they couldn't get to me because the door was locked.

    after he finished with me, he left me there just lying on the floor and said that if I told anyone he would stalk me and do it again. After that experience I didn't want that to happen to me again so I did as he said.

    I regret it so much now....I really wish that I had told someone sooner. But I guess it's never too late to tell someone about this.

    Reply

    Isobell - 17/01/2013

    • Hi Isobell,

      Thanks for your post. We are truly sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should really try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      Please remember, you have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about.

      If you are feeling depressed try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. There are people who understand, and who can help you deal with your experience and the issues you are facing.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      The Samaritans may also be able to help, take a look at their website at http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ or email jo@samaritans.co.uk. You can also call the Samaritans helpline on 08457 909090.

      For confidential advice, information and support, speak to Victim Support - http://www.victimsupport.org.uk/ or call their Supportline on 0845 30 30 900. To hide your number, press 141 before dialing the number. Normal opening hours for the Supportline are: 9am – 9pm Mondays to Fridays, 9am – 7pm weekends and 9am – 5pm bank holidays.

      This Is Abuse team 25/01/2013

  • Charlotte

    16/01/2013

    A few years ago when I was in yr 7 I was walking home and a gang of roughly 25 yolds grabbed me

    they took me some were bou I was unconsious
    so I didn't know where I was and they raped me but I havent told anyon! :(

    Reply

    Charlotte - 16/01/2013

    • Hi Charlotte,
      Thank you for posting.and we are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past.

      We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999

      Tempero Moderation 17/01/2013

  • mia

    16/01/2013

    I had this happen two years ago, so I am very glad these videos are out there educating people. They do bring back bad memories, but it will be worth it if it stops even one person doing this. So thank you.

    Reply

    mia - 16/01/2013

  • Anonymous

    15/01/2013

    I find it terrible how all the adverts are from a girls point of view and none are of guys being "raped"? im a victim of it myself? i was slightly drunk at a party and one of my drinks was spiked i then because paraletic and had little or no control over my limbs,this girl then took me into a room to help me and gave me a drink which i later found out had viagra in it.She forced herself on me. She removed all my clothes and began to touch me,as soon as i had an erection she raped me.I began to self harm and slumped into depression after the incident and find it disgusting how men are always seen as the guilty party.

    Reply

    Anonymous - 15/01/2013

    • Hi Anonymous,

      Thanks for your feedback. We are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign. We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight. This site has lots of information and advice in the ‘your questions’ and ‘need help’ sections for males who have been victims of abuse.

      We work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse and those in gay relationships, which you can view by clicking on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU

      To help deal with your self-harm and depression, you should find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. There are people who understand, and who can help you to stop hurting yourself.

      Alternatively you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Tempero Moderation 16/01/2013

  • nawel

    14/01/2013

    is really sad x

    Reply

    nawel - 14/01/2013

  • Raven

    13/01/2013

    Hi. I wanted to stop by and ask a question about something that happened to me when I was younger.

    Between the ages of 8-12, I had a best friend and we were always together. I'd go round hers, she'd come round mine, you get the idea.
    When I was about 9 - 10, she was sleeping round my house for the night. We shared a bed since there was nowhere else to sleep and being that young, things like that didn't matter. We stayed up and talked and laughed as children do, then the next thing I know she was kissing me. It was really weird and I felt really confused, but she told me it was a grown-up game (we were both the same age). I thought she was right, you know, it was just a game.

    But it happened several times after that. I stayed round hers and it happened again and it got out of hand. She started rubbing herself against me and told me we were "pretending to have sex" and she kept kissing me.

    I felt really confused and kinda afraid, so I told her how I felt and she insisted it was a grown-ups game and that if I didn't play I'd have to go home.

    As I'm typing this it makes me feel really confused and upset.

    I wondered if this classed as some form of sexual abuse? I told her I didn't want to but every time I saw her I'd have to do something like what I've just described otherwise she "wouldn't be my friend anymore", so she blackmailed me into doing, what I realise now is sexual, stuff with her.

    It makes me feel very sad and lonely whenever I think about it. I've never spoken to anyone about this before until now. I've been through couselling for other problems but up until recently it was as if I'd blocked it out - it all came flooding back to me one day when she emailed me saying we hadn't spoken in years.
    I'm very confused about it all and I guess I'd like to clarify just what happened - was it a form of abuse or harrassment? Particularly because we were both quite young?

    Reply

    Raven - 13/01/2013

    • Hi Raven,

      Thanks for your post.

      To be clear; being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable.

      You can find out more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult

      If you are being put under pressure to have sex or engage in sexual activity when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there, it's important you talk to someone about your experiences.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

      This Is Abuse team 01/02/2013

  • Abs

    13/01/2013

    Hi everyone, I'm kinda' new at this sort of stuff - but found this whilst on face-book. I' recently broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months. Whom of which, I have a 7 month old child with, (yes i know... bit rushed) but basically, when it came down to the bedroom - he used to blackmail me into sex, or if I said no, made me feel like I HAD to have it with him. In the end I would give in, to shut him up... Is that classed as rape? I do think the tv ads are right, and i'm glad they are being noticed... as unfortunately this happens to a lot of people :(

    Reply

    Abs - 13/01/2013

    • Hi Abs,

      Thank you for your opinions of the site and your enquiry regarding rape.

      To clarify, rape is when a man forces his penis into the mouth, anus or vagina of another person when that person doesn't want him to do so; the law calls this 'without consent'. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can find out more about rape and sexual
      assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult

      Tempero Moderation 13/01/2013

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