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This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

If you could see yourself

If you could see yourself, would you see rape?

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape
  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical
  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Controlling Behaviour
  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP
  • Mandem On The Wall
  • Twist and Pulse
  • Charlie McDonnell
  • Bedroom
  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Sam & Alice
  • Zoe's story
  • Party
  • School
  • Takeaway

Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.

what do you think? share your opinions

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An expert from Young People’s Services – AVA – is reading and responding to posts on the site, to ensure that responses are independent, sensitive and helpful.

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Results: 60 - 75 of 541

  • Isabella

    15/03/2013

    tbh, rape is sick and twisted and no one should be forced into having sex. if they dont want to, they dont want to.simple.

    ewww its sick tbh and if your the victim dont be ashamed of yourself because its not your fault .
    just report it

    Reply

    Isabella - 15/03/2013

  • Gina

    10/03/2013

    I was at a party with my boyrfriend the other night. im 22 nd he is 23.. i went to bed tired/ a little drunk really late and he came in and started taking my clothes off et.

    I didnt want to have sex but knew it would be easier if i just let him cos he turns nasty if he doesnt get his own way.

    Anyway it was fine until he said he wanted to have anal sex and i said no i didnt want to, i said no over and over again he heard me then he just did it anyway.

    He did it until ii begged him to stop and he stopped for a while, then we both fell asleep and he woke up and started trying to do it again, i got annoyed at this point and said "NO i dont want to do it!" firmly and he started getting nasty and said that i was "no use to him" and then he started huffing with me, lying with his back to me and tellin me not to touch him, and to f off.

    Then he left the room and said that he was going to find another woman cos i was no use. When he got back into bed he started grabbing at me really roughly in my privates and hitting me in the stomach when i told him to get off me.

    I tried talking to him the next day about how upset i was with him about this and he just dismissed everything i had to say.

    He was trying to have sex with me again and i said how can u do this after last night and we got in ana arguement where he said I was "boring him" and that he was drunk and didnt need to be reminded of what he does when drunk.

    I told him he had no respect for me to do something like that and kept saying how i need to earn respect from him etc... i could go on but i think u get it... we've been together for 2 and a half years.

    Reply

    Gina - 10/03/2013

    • Hi Gina,

      Thanks for your message, we're really sorry to hear what's happened between you and your boyfriend.

      It does not matter if you are in a relationship with someone or if they are a stranger. When someone makes you do something you do not want to do, it means you are not consenting and it is rape. It also does not matter if you start out by saying yes and then change your mind, or if you feel like you have 'given in'. It is also never OK to make someone feel bad if they don't want to have sex as this is a form of emotional abuse; click here to see the signs of an abusive relationship - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse.

      Please understand that none of this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it. It’s really important to try and find someone you trust to talk to about this and the physical and emotional abuse you're suffering. It could be a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      You can also call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) to get help, support and advice or log-on to Women's Aid's Survivors' Message board: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=0001000100080021§ionTitle=Survivors+Forum.

      And you can can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 12/03/2013

  • Anon

    08/03/2013

    I had a boyfriend we were in year 11.

    We were at a party my boyfriend took me upstairs he look my clothes of, I was drunk he forced me to do things i didnt want to then he raped me

    help me

    Reply

    Anon - 08/03/2013

    • HI Anon

      Thanks for getting in touch.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape. It is a crime and it should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it. If this has happened to you, it’s important to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pmIf you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Tempero Moderation 09/03/2013

  • Anon

    07/03/2013

    I am so deeply disturbed by this advertisement.

    I think it's very strong and that everyone should be informed about rape but when it came up in my Spotify I felt so distressed and had to turn the volume off.

    The fact that we are forced to listen to such a strong advertisement without having a choice of whether to listen to it or not makes me feel a bit apprehensive about whether to use Spotify again.

    I don't want to feel sick just because I want to listen to music. Having said that, a big hug to all those who have suffered from rape.

    Reply

    Anon - 07/03/2013

    • Hi Anon

      Thank you for your feedback, we are sorry to hear that you find the advert distressing.

      We do realise that this is an extremely sensitive subject. We also realise that the advert is confrontational and difficult to watch, this is because it’s a very real representation of a very real problem.

      Research shows that there are large numbers of teenagers (both male and female) who view this sort of behaviour as normal and/or just something that you put up with.

      Our objective for this campaign is to improve understanding of what is and isn’t acceptable sexual behaviour, thereby helping people to recognise and name sexual abuse and rape as such.

      The advert was developed with the help of several charities who work with people who have been affected by this issue and was also extensively researched with young people prior to being made.

      The reason for it being shown on national television is an attempt to reach as many people as possible, creating national awareness of a national problem. We have already seen, in the response to the advert on this website, that it is proving helpful in enabling young people to rethink their attitudes towards rape.

      We are truly sorry to hear of your distress but hope that you can appreciate the need to address this very serious issue.

      Tempero Moderation 07/03/2013

  • klaudia

    03/03/2013

    i remember when i was 15 now im 16 i was walking from school when a teenager jump's in front of me

    i didnt know what he wanted he grabbed me i was struggiling he kept touching me every where i was scared he dreagged me into this dump place he rapped me by the time i wasent pregnant and im not now but i thought i was going to be then he just started kissing me

    i froze i was crying then a man was running to me but i ran away i didnt tell anyone not my parents or brother or sister

    what should i do im scared because ive seen him rapping someone in a ally way he's sen me im scared as hell

    Reply

    klaudia - 03/03/2013

    • Hi klaudia,
      Thank you for your post and we are so sorry to hear about this distressing incident from your past. We think it is really important that even though this may have happened some time ago, you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape. It is a crime and should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pmIf you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Tempero Moderation 04/03/2013

  • fizzela

    02/03/2013

    when i was in year 9 i had a boyfriend called jake we were at a party with his friends as well jake went home and i was stuck at the party with his friend.

    There were 3 of them they told me to get upstairs so i did then they locked the door behind i told them that i wanted to home but they didnt listen they undressed me they were kissing me and they raped me.

    After they were done they threw £10 on my face i was crying in tears i havent told my boyfriend yet and im scared because they always be everywhere.

    What should i do?

    Reply

    fizzela - 02/03/2013

    • HI Fizzela

      We are so sorry to hear about this distressing incident from your past. We think it is really important that even though this may have happened some time ago, you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape. It is a crime and should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pmIf you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Tempero Moderation 02/03/2013

  • Anon

    28/02/2013

    Hi there, My boyfriend came over today but before he did i told him i didn't want to have sex for multiple reasons and he agreed.

    When he got here it was about 2 minuets before he started trying to undress me whilst i was on the phone to my aunt because he knew i wouldn't be able to put up a verbal argument..

    We ended up watching a movie and next thing i know he was kissing me, not with passion but with hunger and somehow i ended up on my back in an awkward way and he was trying to have sex with me.

    I kept saying no and trying to push him off me but he wasn't listening and it was about a minuet before he got off me. I thought it was done and maybe it was a miss understanding but then he attempted to do the same thing again just more forceful and each time i said no he just kept saying don't worry or just once more, and when i tried to wriggle from under him he just kept holding me down by the top of my head and going in harder and deeper so eventually i just stopped trying to fight and went with it because i thought the more i react the faster it'll be over with then he can leave and not try again.

    Was this wrong and is this rape? Because i just feel disgusted with myself.

    Reply

    Anon - 28/02/2013

    • Hi Anon

      Thanks for getting in touch wea re sorry to hear that you have been having a problem with your boyfriend.

      Rape is when a man forces his penis into the mouth, anus or vagina of another person when that person doesn't want him to do so; the law calls this 'without consent'. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a crime and it should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information. You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can find out more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult

      Tempero Moderation 28/02/2013

  • Victoria

    25/02/2013

    My ex boyfriend used to have sex with me whilst I was asleep. Half the time I had woke up, but passed out soon after from pain. I have been left with internal scarring which sometimes affects me and my current boyfriends sex lives. He used to try force me off my pill because he wanted a child for the benefit money. He also stopped me from seeing my friends, and sometimes hurt me.
    He now has a new girlfriend, and got her pregnant within a week, and they now live off benefits with their new child.
    I'm finding it difficult to get over the past, even though I have someone who is helping me so well. Is there any sort of closure I could get? Was it abuse, or me being sensitive?

    Reply

    Victoria - 25/02/2013

    • Hi Victoria,

      Thanks for your message. In answer to your question, yes that was abuse.

      If your ex used to have sex with you whilst you were asleep and you did not consent then that was rape. To be clear, rape is when a man forces his penis into the mouth, anus or vagina of another person when that person doesn't want him to do so; the law calls this 'without consent'. You can find out more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult. If your ex was also trying to control you and was violent, those are also signs of emotional and physical abuse.

      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a parent or other relative, a close friend, or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information. You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted.

      This Is Abuse team 27/02/2013

  • Kirby

    22/02/2013

    I had alcohol, and my boyfriend took me upstairs to bed, i fell asleep and woke up to him having sex with me.

    On other occcasions i was falling asleep and he would roll me over, i would pretend to be asleep so he would stop, but he would have sex with me, and he believed i was asleep because he denies it ever happening

    Is this rape? I am no longer with him.

    Reply

    Kirby - 22/02/2013

    • Hi Kirby

      Thanks for getting in touch.

      Rape is when a man forces his penis into the mouth, anus or vagina of another person when that person doesn't want him to do so; the law calls this 'without consent'. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a crime and it should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information. You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can find out more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult

      Tempero Moderation 23/02/2013

  • Jo

    21/02/2013

    I wished I had seen these adverts a few years ago, it may have made me realise that the relationship I was in was an abusive one. It was very subtle and manipulative and it ended in physical violence.

    He would not accept that the relationship was over and stalked me for a further 2 years. I am not convinced I will ever be safe. I am an intelligent 45 year old woman - how could I not have seen it?

    Reply

    Jo - 21/02/2013

    • Hi Jo,

      Thanks for posting on the site. The campaign is aimed at 13-18 year olds but there are many specialist support services available for adults.

      If you’re looking for support or advice you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) or log-on to Women's Aid's Survivors' Message board: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=0001000100080021§ionTitle=Survivors+Forum.

      Take care.

      Tempero Moderation 22/02/2013

  • Michael

    18/02/2013

    I think these adverts are doing a good service but have you thought that perhaps you should show that the woman can also be the abuser? Without that are you not discouraging men to come forward if they've been abused if they think no one will believe them?

    Reply

    Michael - 18/02/2013

    • Hi Michael,

      Many thanks for your feedback.

      We are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign. We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight.

      To be clear, the objective of this campaign is to help both boys and girls spot the signs of abuse in relationships and raise awareness of what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour. This site has lots of information and advice in the ‘your questions’ and ‘need help’ sections for males who have been victims of abuse and those in same sex relationships.

      It’s good that the campaign is prompting you to ask questions and seek more information.

      We work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse and those in gay relationships, which you can view by clicking on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU

      We have also produced a video in partnership with Broken rainbow which is intended to provide advice and signpost help for LGBT victims of domestic violence.
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U0ZJFdxCtg&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=2&feature=plcp

      Tempero Moderation 18/02/2013

  • fizzy

    18/02/2013

    hi i had got raped in year 10

    i was 15 the guy i was dating was 18 its a 3 year difference so we were kissing and then he got really excited i told him lets go downstairs he grippped me pushed me on the bed he was really heavy i was stuck i felt like i was drowning

    after the rape he left the room and every nnight he comes and rapes me plzzz help me

    Reply

    fizzy - 18/02/2013

    • Hi Fizzy,
      Thank you for your post.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape. It is a crime and it should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      If this has happened to you, it’s important to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pmIf you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Tempero Moderation 18/02/2013

  • izoeli

    15/02/2013

    when i was in year 10 i was in a relation ship with a college guy he was 17 i was 15

    once he came over to mine with all his friends they were 4 of them so i let them in i was home alone they were drunk i was sitting on the sofa and they sat next to me

    at first i thought that is was ok but it wasnt they start touching me on my boobs and laughing then one tried to kiss me and fel on top of me and thats when it happened i got raped and next day in school they were calling me a slut

    Reply

    izoeli - 15/02/2013

    • Hi Izoeli.
      Thank you for posting and we are so sorry to hear about this distressing incident from your past. We think it is really important that even though this may have happened some time ago, you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape. It is a crime and should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pmIf you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Tempero Moderation 16/02/2013

  • Joanna

    15/02/2013

    I am in my 50's now but at the age of 16 I was raped by an older man whilst on holiday in cleethorpes. Some may say my own fault "I did for so long" I met him in an arcade playing pool with two guys who worked there, I metioned I wanted to be on stage singing and dancing and the old guy moved in...he was supposedly the manager of the caravan park, asked me to go with him for interview he could perhaps give me a job. Being a vunerable 16 yr old I jumped at the chance and went with him expecting to go to an office to be interviewed instead he took me to a caravan where he said he needed to pick up papers he invited me in and I have to say at this point I was a bit apprehensive but went in anyway. He closed the door and locked it with several locks hesaid he would interview me there and was locking the door as not to be disturbed by anyone. He asked me personal questions like what bra size I was and lift bmy skirt so he can see my legs as his girls have to have nice legs for on stage, all the time this was happening I knew it was wrong but too afraid to fight it as I was afraid for my life I knew the door was locked and I couldn't get out. Anyway he went on to rape me anyne walking by the caravan could see in as he didn't close the curtains and I did infact see people walk by but was too afraid to call out, I just wanted to get out in one piece. when he had finished he took me back to the arcade, I was in shock and told my friend who had stayed behind I wanted to go back to our caravnan...the two workers knew what he had done without me saying anything...how do I know this, beofre we left for the interview they had said "give over she's a kid"on my return they shook their heads and said to him ÿour a bas***d" I told only my friend who said it was my fault and went back home ashamed after two month I was told by my mother I was pregnant and taken to the doctors, then to the hospital for an abortion. I have gone on to make a success of my life but I learnt the hard way. Most girls these days are more aware of the dangers but there are those who still put themselves in harms way...what message I would like to put out to girls is if it doesn't feel right walk away listen to your gutt feelings they are never wrong. That man was never reported by me and often I feel bad about that cos I feel I wasn't his first victim nor his last.

    Reply

    Joanna - 15/02/2013

  • Liz

    14/02/2013

    last year I was in a relationship with someone and I'm not sure if what he did was against the law... he started acting interested in me after my Dad was diagnosed with a rare and incurable blood cancer and I was a mess, so he told me to come to his and he'd make me feel better. So I went to his house and it ended up being the first time we had sex. We were just kissing and then he started taking off my clothes, so I told him I didn't want to have sex with him as we weren't even together and it was way too soon for me, but he wouldn't get off and said it was fine so we ended up having sex. After that he asked me out and I said yes because I was scared of being alone. He mostly ignored me unless he wanted to have sex and if I didn't want to he told me he'd leave me if I didn't or actively tried to make me jealous by talking about all the other girls he could have. Eventually he dumped me and told me he only went out with me to do me a favor when I was having a bad time and that he'd been sleeping with my friend the entire time we were together. I don't know if this was illegal because I didn't physically push him off me the first time and I didn't say no other times... I just want to know if him making me feel like that is really allowed.

    Reply

    Liz - 14/02/2013

    • Hello Liz,

      Thank you for your post.

      We are so sorry to hear about this distressing incident from your past. We think it is really important that even though this may have happened some time ago, you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape. It is a crime and should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pmIf you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999

      Tempero Moderation 15/02/2013

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