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This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

If you could see yourself

If you could see yourself, would you see rape?

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape
  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical
  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Controlling Behaviour
  • Mandem On The Wall
  • Twist and Pulse
  • Charlie McDonnell
  • Bedroom
  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Sam & Alice
  • Zoe's story
  • Party
  • School
  • Takeaway

Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.

what do you think? share your opinions

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Results: 285 - 300 of 538

  • Anon


    Rape is a really touchy subject for me and after my experience, just hearing the word makes me cringe and the memories all come back. I was staying at my cousins house as we'd gotten closer over the year or so that we'd gotten back in touch, and her boyfriend suggested she and I have a couple of drinks and he wouldn't so he could look after their children. I didn't see anything bad about this choice and as I'm a typical 16 year old, I jumped at the chance to have a drink. Towards the end of the 'night' I was so drunk I was virtually crawling on the floor because I was so drunk, and my cousin went upstairs to be sick. 'He' went upstairs to put her to bed and then came back downstairs. I was laying on the sofa watching tv (I was wearing appropriate clothes btw so nothing suggestive!) and he started rubbing my lady parts which made me uncomfortable. I pushed his hand away but he kept doing it. Then he pulled my leggings and underwear down, sat on top of me, restrained my arms and ruined my life. I was slow at understanding what was happening and my head kept spinning, but when I realised I said 'No' constantly and was crying... The next morning I went back home and he tried to kiss me which made me feel utterly sick! It's completely ruined me; I don't go out apart from school and when I do I'm jumpy, I squirm when people come near me and I'm constantly looking behind me. I've never been confident but this completely shattered my confidence and I feel so worthless and used. So basically, rape is a horrible thing and ruins lives! I will never forget the moment I opened my eyes and saw him on top of me. I see it every time I close my eyes.


    Anon - 22/04/2012

  • emily


    welll a few months ago i had a boyfriend we where upstears and i was laying down
    he got on top off me i said what are you doing he tied me up to the bed i couldent move but i was naked and he said i love you and i said stop but he rhaped me


    emily - 21/04/2012

  • AJ


    back in the summer I was in a relationship with a 17 year old, I was only 15. We'd talked about sex and I said I wanted to over message. However I wanted my first time to be special and protected. This didn't happen. He took me to a carpark and went to undress me, I said no as I wasn't ready and he didn't have a condom, however he played the guilty card on me. I hated every minute of it but couldn't stop him as I was scared of him. I'm unsure whether this would be rape as I agreed before hand?


    AJ - 21/04/2012

    • Hi AJ

      Thanks for your post and I'm sorry to hear about what you've been through.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Also the law says that to consent to sex a person must be over 16 and have the ability to make informed decisions for themselves.

      What happened was not your fault and even if you gave consent at the beginning you have the right to wirthdraw it at any point.

      If you think it will help try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
      Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge)

      This Is Abuse team 23/04/2012



    I think these advertisements are a brilliant way to get the message across, absolutely brilliant

    Reply - 21/04/2012

  • Charlotte


    There was a night at uni when there was this guy that i hardly knew and he texted and saud can we go for a walk together. I was lonely so i went with him. He had a few drinks but i had none. He bought me food and was really nice to me. We held hands and i was bit awkward bout it. Then he kissed me and i kissed him back but i wasnt sure i wanted to. We went back to my room and we were just chatting. He asked if he could teach me a song on the guitar, i said i cant play and he said if i can get you to play it will you kiss me again. I really didnt want to but i said yes cos i was really nervous. I played it and kissed him like i promised. But then he pushed me back on the bed and lay on top of me. I tried to push him off and said i didnt want anyone to hear. But he held me down and said "let me stay the night" i said i wasnt sure i wanted to and he kept begging and holding me down and i didnt know what to do so i sort of gave up and sort of said ok. He had sex with me. I walked off to the bathroom and cried and he pulled me back in bed and told me to go to sleep. Is this rape?


    Charlotte - 21/04/2012

  • Rei


    I got in with a bad crowd a year ago, in a small space of time a lot happened to me. I was violently raped, developed anorexia and lost a friend to an overdose of ecstasy. I just want to let anyone suffering from a recent rape or abuse know that things can get better. Even when you are at that point of sitting in bed at 3 am begging to be dead or thinking the darkest thoughts imagianable there is hope and people in the same situation. One year on I'm recovering fro my ED and I've found a loving man who is there for me when i have my bad days. Trust me my loves, things will get brighter in time.


    Rei - 20/04/2012

  • Nick


    Most people think that the boy is usually the one that forces it upon the girl, but that's wrong. I have a girlfriend, she's now 14 while I'm 16. I've always been kindda skinny and she was a lot stronger than me. When we first started dating I didn't want to kiss her because I was too shy, so she'd push me down and hold my arms so that I couldn't fight it. That was about a year ago. Recently though, she told me that she really wanted sex but I kept telling her that it was illegal and that we could have it in a few years time when she was legal, but she wouldn't have it. She tried to kiss me but I pulled back. So she pushed me down and undid my trousers. We ended up doing sex. I didn't want to pull out because I was afraid that I'd hurt her. I'm scared that even though I didn't want it, I could still get charged with rape if anyone found out because she's younger than me. Is this rape? If so, who raped who and can I get in trouble for this? And one more thing, I know this isn't really a dating advise site but what should I do?


    Nick - 20/04/2012

    • it sounds like you were the one that got raped as it happened to me when i was 11 and at school i am now 12 it also sound like you only wanted to make her happy and if you go to school ask your science teacher or form tutor what they think i know that tthat will really help as the person that raped me was sent to jail for a long ime after court triles and things also talk to your parants i myself didnt tell them and i now relise what a mistake i made hope this helps x (sorry for the spelling im 12 and not a good speller )

      Daisy - 23/04/2012

  • Anonymous


    im not sure what this is , but i had a boyfriend not too long ago , we'd been seing eachother for a while,he came round to my house this one time and we were in my bedroom. we stared kissing and then he pushed me onto the bed , i sort of laughed as i didnt know what else to do.He then started kissing me ,which i was fine with but then he tried to finger me .I said i didnt want to and but he kept asking me why.he told me not to worry and kept saying please all the time .i tired to push him off me but he held my hands down as i was tiring to push him off me.All the time i was saying no but he kept on.I was sort of in shock i suppose so ,i couldnt belive what was happening so i just layed there. ill always remember it.Is this rape :/


    Anonymous - 19/04/2012

    • Hi Anonymous

      Thanks for your post. I am sorry for what happened to you, it must have been very distressing.

      From your post I am unclear whether your boyfriend had sex with you or not. It sound like what happened to you was sexual assault as rape needs to involve penetration.

      However, that does not mean it is any less upsetting for you. Forcing someone to do things sexually that they do not want to do is assault and it is a crime.

      If you feel that talking about it might help, try finding someone you can trust and feel comfortable with. It could be anyone, a friend, teacher. It doesn't have to be anyone in authority. If rather speak to someone in confidence, you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      This Is Abuse team 20/04/2012

  • Annamous


    i think its terrible that some people get abused and raped, i feel sorry for anyone that has and i offer my condonenses to people that have. when i was 10 i was nearly raped, but i was lucky to get away. it is a horrible feeling, being abused or pressured and to people that do it, stop now! x


    Annamous - 19/04/2012

  • Anon


    Compared with everyone here who has left these comments about these awful things that have happened to them, my story seems a bit pathetic. Im 16, I think I was in an abusive relationship but I'm not sure. My last boyfriend was a bit older than me. I loved him so much and I thought he loved me too. When we had sex he was always very rough with me, even if i told him to stop he wouldn't. But somehow I convinced myself this kind of sex was normal and he managed to convince me that I liked it. Looking back on the things we did now makes me feel sick. He would tie me up, yank my head back by my hair, bite me, push me against walls, pin me down sometimes he would hit me. He was much bigger than me. One day he wanted us to do anal, I said no to this, but he told me to "just try it" so we did. I couldn't stop crying and shaking afterwards. He held me for a bit to check i was okay but, straight after he was trying to get intimate again. He left me a few months ago but now I can't have any man touch me or hug me. I have vivid nightmares and whenever i think about him i get so worked up i throw up. How can I trust people again? Thanks


    Anon - 19/04/2012

    • Hello Anon
      Your story is not pathetic in the slightest , from what I can tell you come over as such a brave person. You shouldn't be ashamed of your self. You thought it was love and you made a mistake which everybody as done. Im not a specailist or anything like that but I think you should talk to somebody about how your feeling and your insecurities about being in a relationship again. There is always going to be somebody out there who will listen.

      Anonymous - 22/04/2012

    • Hi Anon,

      What happened to you isn't pathetic, it is horrendous. And it is rape. If you do not want it, if you do not consent, then it is NOT OK.

      I'm so so sorry for what you and everyone else sharing their stories on this page has had to go through. I'm not a counsellor or anything like that, just a guy who cannot believe what some people will do to those that they supposedly love. No-one should have to go through this sort of thing. You're very brave for sharing your story. And you're not alone, there are people out there who you can talk to.

      Anonymous - 20/04/2012

  • Anonymous


    Me and my boyfriend split up after 8 and a half months and we were very sexually active, he got me pregnant twice but both times lost the baby because i dont eat properly. The break up was awful and he said things that really hurt me and stuff, anyway during our relationship there would be times which he'd want to have sex with me but i didnt, i told him no but he didnt stop and afterwards he felt bad and cried but he kept doing it. I thought me saying no to him would have stopped him but obviously not. I dont really know whether this is rape or not but i think it is. I didnt stop him but i didnt want him to have sex with me either. He just did it anyway. I dont want him to get into trouble but could he?


    Anonymous - 19/04/2012

    • Hi Anonymous

      Thanks for your post and I'm sorry to read about what happened to you.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. You musn't blame yourself as this was not your fault. Just because you gave consent one day it doesn't mean you are giving consent indefinately. Permission is required for each activity. Also consent to one sort of sexual activity does not mean you are getting consent to everything. Remember that you can withdraw consent at any time, if you change your mind it is your right to do so.

      It might help you to talk to someone about it in confidence. You can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
      Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge)

      This Is Abuse team 19/04/2012

  • Cat


    again, I'm just trying to understand where the line for rape is? when I was sixteen and in a long term relationship with the first boy I ever slept with he pressured me into sex. Although we'd done it before, I wasn't in the mood and said no he continued to take my clothes off and have sex withg me which was very painful. I cried during but I don't think he noticed then when he was finished I curled up in a ball and didn't want to talk to him for a while obviously! I stayed with him for a few months after and really forgot about the whole month ago, am I overreacting since I wasn't physically forced and did stay with him? Thinking about it makes me feel sick and have flashbacks so I tend not to, help?


    Cat - 18/04/2012

    • Hi Cat

      Thank you for posting and I'm sorry you are having a tough time.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. If that is what happened to you it might help to talk to someone about it. I'll give you some phone numbers of charities that help in these situations at the end.

      From your post I am unsure whether you gave consent to have sex with your boyfriend. The law in Britain says that both people need to give their consent before sex or any physical closeness.

      However it is a myth that you must clearly say NO otherwise it is not rape. Someone doesn't have to say the word NO to withhold permission. There are lots of ways they might say they don't want to have sex. Many people find it hard to say anything, and will show through their body language that they don't want to. Both people having sex should always look out for signs that their partner might not be comfortable and might not be giving their consent.

      If this has happened to you and you wish to talk to someone you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
      Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge)

      This Is Abuse team 19/04/2012

  • James


    I's great to mention and stopping rape but I feel this issue is portrayed in your adverts in a biased equity. Men are portrayed always as the rapist, while women the victims, however this is not always the case and male rape does exist. So on that note please could you mention this as men too can be victims and needs to be made aware of.


    James - 18/04/2012

    • I agree that men are always the rapists in the advert of whatnot but if you think about it (Im not tryin to be sexist) it makes sence. Men are more tougher and bigger then girls. I mean, can you see in 1 of these clips a woman pinning down the man and the man is struggeling?

      RJ - 21/04/2012

    • true that

      anon - 21/04/2012

    • Agreed, males are always shown as the aggressive ones but in a huge amount of cases thats not true!

      Anon - 20/04/2012

  • 0kat0


    i am 14 years old and when i was 13 me and my friend from school who was 14 went to a party with some of his friends after we went back to his house his perents were out so we just went up to his room we were taliking when he kissed me we were good friends and i kinda had a crush on him so i dident pull away he started feeling me up and started to take of my top i pulled away and tolled him no stop but he pushed me down on his bed saying stuff like you want this i no it i tolled him stop i dont and started to cry and pull away but he was to strong and then he raped me i dident tell anyone how could i. i was did not no what to do i could not face seeing him in school so i did not go in the next day i would cry at night for a long time i am still only recovering i feelt so alone and scerd i finaly talked to my mum it was hard she got made and started to cry and then she went to the boys house and tolled his perents and had a big fight i ended moving school but then he started texting me stuff horrible stuff he once followed me home i did not tell the police because i am to afraid the texts have stopped foe now(i have not talked to my mum abot this) i am afraid and i feel alone if anyone can help
    (sorry about my spelling i am not that good)
    i want to move on with my life but i dont no how.


    0kat0 - 17/04/2012

    • Hi Okato

      Thanks for your post and I'm sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. None of this was your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      From your post I can see that you've spoken to your mum about it, which is great. If you feel you need to you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      It sounds as if the abuse did not end after your relationship ended. Being threatened or harassed is a crime. You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
      The police understand how distressing it can be to talk about an assault and will take things slowly. An adult that you trust and feel comfortable with can also support you whilst you are talking to the police.

      This Is Abuse team 20/04/2012

  • Anon


    I'm unsure of what this will be classed as, but anyway i want to say my piece. I normally get along with guys more than girls (im a girl) and i made friends with this guy from work. we started talking a lot and one day he invited me out.. he told me to met him at his house, even thou it was far i still went as he was new to the country and didnt know places, so i fought i would pick him up and we would go out for a coffee in which we talked bout. while i was at his house he was reluctant to leave so i stayed a while. we were talking and listening to music in which he was offering a back massage i kept saying no, no its fine i dont want.. he seem a bit offended and told me that in his country he was good at it he had classes (in which i stupidly believed because im gullible) he kept asking so i gave in and said yeah okay.. first everything was outside of the clothing then he claim it would be better under my top, i agree but didnt take my top of.. then he claim that he had some special oil.. i said no at first but then gave in after he asked and asked.. he told me he dont want my top to get oil so take it off.. i hesitated then agree.. i was face down on his bed whilst he was siting on top of my back pining me down.. then he removed my bra.. i didnt say nothing because i could feel the oil getting on it and i fought he was moving it outta the way.. he started to rub my whole back and slyly touch the sides of my boob in which i told him to stay on my back.. he kept on slyly touching it and after a certain amount of times in me telling him not to i just ignored it.. thats when he pushed his hands right underneath my boobs and was cupping them and squeezing.. i was telling him to stop that he should get off me because all his weight was pinning me down from backwards.. he just began talking dirty to me saying how he likes this.. i was trying to push him away and push up from the bed and then he slipped his hand down my shorts and began to finger me i was asking him and begging him to stop as i was a virgin and didnt want to do this with someone i hardly know.. but he continued and pushed me down into the bed.. he then tried to flip me over in which that gave me the opportunity to push him away properly i told him stop i dont want to do this and after around 2 mins of him feeling me up and me protesting he stopped and i ran to the bathroom.. he did check on me to see if i was okayy in which i said yeah but i want to go home.. he told me to the bus station and left.. i called my best friend (also a male) and told him what had happened.. and he told me it was all my fault that i lead him on.. i was so upset about the whole situation that i started to smoke (ive never smoked in my life) and everytime i would remember what had happened i would throw up.. i dont know what this falls under.. can u tell me please.. i still get stomach cramps everytime i think about it and to make it worst we work together and he keeps on poking me or touching me.


    Anon - 17/04/2012

    • Hey Anon, I'm a french girl and by internet i came on this page. sorry for my poor english ^^
      so, i read your comment. I can't assure you that is not your fault. yes you're a littel gullible but it doesn't mean that he has the right to do that to you while you don't want to. it's clearly abuse. don't hesitate because you're friend told you that's your fault. lots of boys think that, because you came in a room with them, you have to sleep with. and, anyway, it's not because you want to in the first place that you have to then. It's called respect. and obviously this boy, as your friend don't know it.
      Don't blame yourself please. and ask for help because today, this guy abuse you, he starts at his home, but if you don't tell anything he'll be more confiant and repeat his abuse again, on you or somebody new.
      Believe me, you're juste a good person who believes that world could be great, with loving people. unfortunately, there's a lot evils in the crappy world. Help to get catch one. and change of friend. it's a complete ass.
      To get through this, I can only give a advice : talk et find someone to trust in, really.
      I hope I helped. You remember me, being so nice with everybody. You're lucky this time, but please, be less confiant the next.
      Kisses, hoping you'll be okay again.

      Lyl - 18/04/2012

    • this was absolutely no way your fault, this guy is a nasty individual, and your so called friend is no better, i would report it immediately to your manager and request a transfer and go to the police. this guy clearly had the intention of sex when he invited you over and should have listened when you said no. it was a sexual assault and you should report it.

      anon - 18/04/2012

    • Hello, I was reading your post.

      This isn't OK.

      He abused your trust. This isn't rape as he never penetrated you but it is a serious form of sexual assault and he could be sent to prison. Whatever happened this is not your fault. You told him 'No' that was enough. Your friend was in the wrong for blaming you and I hope he comes to his senses and apologizes! If you feel strong enough I suggest you contact the police, you never know he may try to do this again with someone else or go further next time and i'm sure you would feel devestated if he did this to someone else when you could have prevented this horrible ordeal for them. As for the throwing up and stuff; I'm not surprised, it sounds like you are suffering from shock and you should really tell someone authoritive; maybe a boss? Not only has this guy physically and emotionally hurt you he is now tormenting you with the poking-this isn't OK. There was nothing you could have done to stop what he did and it isn't your fault at all. You Said 'NO'. He ignored you he is completely in the wrong. If you are suffering there is a range of services such as counselling that can help you. Perhaps visit you GP for more advice?

      I'm very sorry this happened to you and I wish you the best luck with moving on (if possible)

      Source :Recent Sexual abuse Victim

      Anonymous - 17/04/2012

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