This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

If you could see yourself

If you could see yourself, would you see rape?

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape
  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical
  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Controlling Behaviour
  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP
  • Mandem On The Wall
  • Twist and Pulse
  • Charlie McDonnell
  • Bedroom
  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Sam & Alice
  • Zoe's story
  • Party
  • School
  • Takeaway

Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.

what do you think? share your opinions

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Results: 150 - 165 of 547

  • Torn

    04/01/2013

    Hey everyone,

    I just wanted to share this: I was at a party some years ago. There were two parties being held in the same house, and the 8 in our party were all adolescents to young teens. The others, who were upstairs for most of the night, were older teens, and I felt really uncomfortable around them.

    In our party, there were 6 girls and 2 boys, and I was second youngest. Everyone there was a stranger, except for the youngest present, Rebecca, and the third youngest, Dion, who had hosted the party.

    I knew that there would be alcohol there, and I hate alcoholic drinks. I just wanted some pepsi, but it wasn't an option, and I was asked numerous times if I wanted a drink, untl I eventually gave in and agreed. I drank it all, but slowly, whilst the others gulped theirs down. I only finished one, when everybody, even my best friend, finished at least three small bottles each. It tasted ok, and I could tell that I wasn't yet drunk, like most of the others.

    We played blind man's bluff, and the whole time, through the pitch dark, one of the boys followed me around and kept feeling my leg and my butt. I didnt like it, so I moved under the table. He didnt follow, but he went around the table, and guarded the gap which I had got in through. I didn't know whether he was helping me win, or trapping me there.

    He slipped a bottle of wine under the table for me, but I discarded it on the floor. Finally, the game ended, due to the noises from upstairs, and we all went to investigate. We looked in and found two people, one of them who had originally been in our party, on the bed, almost naked with one of the older girls. He had been the ninth, but he had only stayed for spin the bottle, so that's why I didn't include him in the list.

    I didn't want to play spin the bottle, but I did any way, and I hated it, because it kept landing on me and that boy who had been feeling me, and slipped me the wine bottle, and he kept trying to turn the kisses into snoggs.

    In the other room, they were playing body shocks. The female subject was Dion's sister, whom I had trusted dearly from her maturity in our swimming lessons and kindness to me, she was the one who would later bring her lighter and try to burn down the door, threaten us with nunchucks and lock us in the dining room after stealing our alcohol, and her parents' shots.

    We called them the mortals, because of their state, and had only empty bottles to arm ourselves when they came downstairs and started to tey and hurt us. The boy aforementioned lay over me to protect me from one of the mortals, as they ran at me with the kitchen knife, but then he started trying to take off my top and undo my bra. my best friend slapped him when I started yelling, and he went away to sit on the couch.

    The other boy started doing the same to my best friend, and soon they had us both on the couch next to them, trying to take off our clothes, and touch us in inappropriate areas.

    My mother is a severe alcoholic, and all of this made me burst out crying. Dion's sister, the mortal, heard me, and rushed into the room, only to put it down to the fact that she was hyper.

    The strange boys wouldn't let my best friend and I go all night, so we had to sleep there whilst they got their filthy hands all over us. They started smoking, and I hate cigarettes, too, so it was terrible to have to sit there whilst they puffed smoke in our faces. I dont know what happened, but I woke in the hallway, my best friend was there too, the boys were in the kitchen, parallel to the hall, and they just turned and waved saying good morning and stuff. Then they burst out laughing. It was so weird.

    Reply

    Torn - 04/01/2013

    • Hi Torn, thank you for sharing your story.

      We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      No matter how long ago it happened, please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Tempero Moderation 07/01/2013

  • Abbie

    03/01/2013

    I got sexually assaulted 4 years ago in June and I am now 18 (he was 40 when the assault happened)...

    I was looking in The Sun newspaper online and it came up with the report of my assault which was written and published 3 years ago... It doesn't matter how much I try to forget about it because it just keeps coming back to me.

    He went to jail for less than a year.... I'm just so afraid that I will bump into him again when I least expect it. How can I make things better ?

    Reply

    Abbie - 03/01/2013

    • Hi Abbie, thanks for your post.

      We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. We understand it must’ve been difficult for you to share this story on here and your fears are understandable.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

      If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

      Take care.

      Tempero Moderation 07/01/2013

  • Janet

    03/01/2013

    Hi, I have finally plucked up the courage to tell someone about what has been happening between me and my fiancee for many months now.

    The TV advert clinched it for me - when it comes on, my partner doesn't even flinch. But whenever we are alone together, he can't just relax after a meal and have a cuddle and watch tv, no, as soon as I sit near him his hands are all over me and it really makes me cringe sometimes.

    He never waits for a response, he just goes ahead, and although admittedly when I am in the mood it can be quite pleasant, at other times I feel I am being pressured to go further than I want, then afterwards I feel totally ashamed and dishonoured.

    I am a Christian and he knows I would dearly love to have waited and saved myself for marriage, but his church holds the view that if you are in a loving relationship anything goes. I daren't tell anyone that he has been pressuring me into having sex for months, because I feel it is my fault for not standing up for myself.

    The trouble is, I have been in an abusive relationship before, and when I feel "cornered" I just freeze, My partner seriously does not see what he is doing as wrong, but it is making me desperately unhappy, robbing me of self esteem, and killing any respect I had for him.

    Why would he try to force me into activity he knows I am not comfortable with, if he genuinely loves me? In many ways he is a loving, loyal, practically helpful individual, but he seems to think he is God's gift where sex is concerned but it is really pushing me further away from the person I really am. I feel as if I have compromised myself as far as my faith is concerned, and he never ever talks about marriage since he gave me my engagement ring (which I leave off wearing most days).

    It feels as if all my dreams and desires, all sense of self worth, have been gradually crushed and whittled away.

    Reply

    Janet - 03/01/2013

    • Hi Janet, thanks for sharing your story.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      Try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a parent or other relative, a close friend or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.


      If you want some professional advice, you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

      Take care.

      Tempero Moderation 08/01/2013

  • Anonymous

    03/01/2013

    Hi, this advertisement really gets the point across.

    Im in a relationship and even when I say no he still continues to try over and over again, eventually I give up and just let him but its not because I want to its because im sick of saying no and trying to get him to stop.

    So I can relate to this.

    Reply

    Anonymous - 03/01/2013

    • Hi Anonymous, thanks for your post and for your feedback on the campaign.

      It does not matter if you are in a relationship with someone or if they are a stranger. When someone makes you do something you do not want to do, it means you are not consenting and it is rape. It also does not matter if you start out by saying yes and then change your mind, or if you feel like you have 'given in'. It is also never OK for your partner to pressurise you or make you feel bad if they don't want to have sex as this is a form of emotional abuse.

      If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

      If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

      Tempero Moderation 04/01/2013

  • zms

    03/01/2013

    Hey,
    when i was 10, me and my ex bestfriend and this boy from our estate, played 'seven minutes in heaven' he said that me and my friend were too 'chicken' to do anything, and we went in and i wouldnt do anything,

    he grabbed me, through me on the bed and started kissing me and trying to go down my pants, my friend heard me scream and came in and nearly smothered me with a pillow to get him off me, ive told no one, only me and her know..

    i dont know what to do as its sticking with me, im 14 now, and ive been harassed 4 times by a different boy, he went down when i didnt want him to and he made me go down.. he hurt me, i said no, but he just kept pushing me.

    i didnt know what to do as we werent even in a relationship, we were good friends and he ruined it..help?!

    Reply

    zms - 03/01/2013

    • Really you should tell someone!

      That is really serious and you were so young too, you should talk to an older friend maybe or even an adult, teacher or a school nurse if you are in school, never keep anything inside.

      Courtney - 03/01/2013

    • Hi Zms,
      Thank you for posting.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

      If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

      Tempero Moderation 03/01/2013

  • Anon

    02/01/2013

    I agree with anon1

    I was raped 8 months ago and seeing this stuff on tv makes me want to break down and cry and especially with family it makes it awkward and you have to hold back the tears. I understand that it's to make people aware but it really breaks your heart to basically watch the situation you went through on tv so it feels viral if you know what I mean.

    I know there's nothing I can do about it but I just wanted to put my point across

    Reply

    Anon - 02/01/2013

    • Hi Tammy, thanks for your post.

      We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. We understand that it must’ve been difficult for you to share this. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Be safe and take care.

      Tempero Moderation 08/01/2013

    • I was raped by my brother inlaw last year.

      I said no and he still carried on, I reported it to police n they made me wait a year before they told me they wouldnt be prosecuting apparently due to lack of evidence when they had all the evidence including a txt from him admitting the rape so as you can imagine im well angry with the whole thing

      Tammy - 05/01/2013

    • HI Anon

      Thank you for your feedback, we are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past and sorry to hear that you find the advert distressing.

      We do realise that this is an extremely sensitive subject. We also realise that the advert is confrontational and difficult to watch, particularly for someone who has been a victim of rape.

      The advert was developed with the help of several charities who work with people who have been affected by this issue and was also researched with young people prior to being made. Working with those charities, we did consider that the advert may be distressing to some victims of rape, however, our research shows that there are large numbers of teenagers (both male and female) who view this sort of behaviour as normal and/or just something that you put up with. Our objective for this campaign is to ensure that we improve understanding of consent among young people – in order that we prevent future cases of rape and encourage people who have experienced this to get help. I hope you understand that we need to tackle these issues in order to help people realise that this behaviour isn’t acceptable and signpost them to places they can get help.

      The reason for it being shown on national television is an attempt to reach as many people as possible, creating national awareness of a national problem, however, we also appreciate that this may mean that victims of rape may see the advert and find it distressing. If you would find it useful we can send you a copy of the media schedule, please post again and leave your email address so that we can follow this up with you.
      We have already seen, in the response to the advert on this website, that it is proving helpful in enabling young people to rethink their attitudes towards rape. It is also helping people who have been victims of rape, in very similar circumstances to the scene in the advert, recognise for the first time that they were raped and then go on to seek help and support they need.

      We are truly sorry to hear of your distress and hope you understand why we have made the advert. If you need advice, you can call Rape Crisis (0808 802 9999 - 12 - 2.30pm and 7 - 9.30pm) who can offer support whether you’ve just experienced something or you are having difficulties about something that has happened in the past. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

      Tempero Moderation 02/01/2013

  • Anonymous

    02/01/2013

    this isn't a story about assault or rape but its still quite disconcerting.

    My school is quite small so rumors go round fast and when there's a rumour about two sixth formers or year eleven's doing something sexual it rubs off onto the year 7's and 8's and then you hear about them doing stuff like that.
    Its very disconcerting to watch these innocent kids turn into these aggressive, binge drinking and sexually charged fiends.

    I don't drink and am in a relationship which has its own share of sex but I'm seventeen and I only started going out with people when I was sixteen and i watched my own friends turn into drinkers and smoker but they matured as they changed these kid mess about with it and don't know their limits.

    This worries me because i want kinds when I'm older and i don't want this to happen to them at age.

    Reply

    Anonymous - 02/01/2013

  • Maggie

    02/01/2013

    Hi. I think I might have post traumatic stress syndrome and was wondering what I should do. I was touched when I was young by a family member and forgot all about it till a few year ago.

    I started having nightmares and flashbacks, I self harmed. I don't self harm anymore or have nightmares. But I still get flashbacks. I feel sick and anxious when I hear that persons name and barely interact with that side of the family which he is apart of. I have these thoughts that I'm going to be raped, but I don't know why. I don't know what I should do?

    I can't tell my family because it would be my word against his and it would split up the family. Plus I'm scared of him. He knows what he has done as I confronted him about it a few years ago, and told him to stay away from me. It gets me really down and I don't particularly fine sex enjoyable and I find it painful to begin with.

    I think it is related to the abuse I suffered. Please help.

    Reply

    Maggie - 02/01/2013

    • Hi Maggie, thanks for your post.

      It’s extremely positive that you are confronting your past and by sharing you story you are taking an important step in helping you move on. What your family member did was unacceptable. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Please recognise that this wasn’t your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      You say that you don’t want to talk to your family as it would split you up, but have you tried talking to a teacher, a close friend, a youth worker or someone else that you feel comfortable with? It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      It may also be beneficial for you to talk to a doctor, as they will be able to diagnose post traumatic stress disorder.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Take care.

      Tempero Moderation 03/01/2013

  • Anon1

    02/01/2013

    I understand this advert helps awareness but for so one like me who was sexually assaulted as a very young child bring back memories and is very distressing.

    I have seen the advert on T.V at least 50 times over Christmas (1 week)

    Reply

    Anon1 - 02/01/2013

    • HI Anon1

      Thank you for your feedback, we are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past and sorry to hear that you find the advert distressing.

      We do realise that this is an extremely sensitive subject. We also realise that the advert is confrontational and difficult to watch, particularly for someone who has been a victim of rape.

      The advert was developed with the help of several charities who work with people who have been affected by this issue and was also researched with young people prior to being made. Working with those charities, we did consider that the advert may be distressing to some victims of rape, however, our research shows that there are large numbers of teenagers (both male and female) who view this sort of behaviour as normal and/or just something that you put up with. Our objective for this campaign is to ensure that we improve understanding of consent among young people – in order that we prevent future cases of rape and encourage people who have experienced this to get help. I hope you understand that we need to tackle these issues in order to help people realise that this behaviour isn’t acceptable and signpost them to places they can get help.

      The reason for it being shown on national television is an attempt to reach as many people as possible, creating national awareness of a national problem, however, we also appreciate that this may mean that victims of rape may see the advert and find it distressing. If you would find it useful we can send you a copy of the media schedule, please post again and leave your email address so that we can follow this up with you.

      We have already seen, in the response to the advert on this website, that it is proving helpful in enabling young people to rethink their attitudes towards rape. It is also helping people who have been victims of rape, in very similar circumstances to the scene in the advert, recognise for the first time that they were raped and then go on to seek help and support they need.

      We are truly sorry to hear of your distress and hope you understand why we have made the advert. If you need advice, you can call Rape Crisis (0808 802 9999 - 12 - 2.30pm and 7 - 9.30pm) who can offer support whether you’ve just experienced something or you are having difficulties about something that has happened in the past. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

      Tempero Moderation 02/01/2013

  • girl

    02/01/2013

    I'm 13 and I've been abused many times in my life and half the times I didn't even know it woz happening.

    When I woz around the age of six or seven my family and I regularly went 2 go and visit family friends. They had a son who woz around 12 @ the time and on evry visit he would take me 2 his room nd touch me. Becuse I was young I didn't know wot woz happening this carried on 4 years.

    Eventually we stopped visiting but I've never gotten over this event.

    Reply

    girl - 02/01/2013

    • Hi Girl

      We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime.

      Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Tempero Moderation 02/01/2013

  • Anon

    31/12/2012

    This is so inspirational and i'm sure it has helped so many people - great job!

    Reply

    Anon - 31/12/2012

  • Yas

    31/12/2012

    hey, i'm 16 atm..& im kind of in some messed up situation.

    when i was in year 10 my ex & his mate took me to the back of our schools fields, my ex forced off my top whilst kissing me and putting his hands down my trousers. his mate took a picture of this..they told me not to tell anyone or they would send it to everyone & tell them i was a slut.

    my ex then left me a couple of weeks after this & that picture wasnt mentioned...only until a few months ago..when i started dating my current bf.

    they've been ringing me & cursing over the phone & now they've started to tell me to meet them. my bf keeps telling me to go tell somebody but i'm scared this picture is going to get out.

    then my ex's mate keeps telling me he'll hurt me if i dont meet them wherever.

    i keep throwing up and feeling low since they started contacting me. i dont know who to tell, ive never told my family...only my boyfriend and best friend knows other than that ive had no courage to tell anyone..do you know what i could do without them spreading that picture & not having to meet them? :/

    Reply

    Yas - 31/12/2012

    • Hi Yas, thank you for your post.

      We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      It’s great that your current boyfriend is supportive but we think it’s important that you find someone else you trust to talk to who can help put an end to this situation. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

      If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

      Good luck and take care.

      Tempero Moderation 02/01/2013

  • emily

    30/12/2012

    I know this isn't classed as rape or asult or anything along those lines mines more about pressure I am 14 and I am the only girl in my whole year (a lot of people) who hasn't meet/snogged a boy and I don't mind at al.l my life is perfectly fine but its my friends who are pressuring me into it.

    I've also never drank like alcohol so they are pressuring me to that as well they keep saying we are going to get you drunk then you will meet a boy and not be a fridget (a term used on people who haven't meet anyone)

    I mean I am very scared I don't trust my friends any more they weren't laughing when they said this they looked quite serious. what should I do im not comfortable about this with anyone really

    Reply

    emily - 30/12/2012

    • Hi Emily, thanks for your post.

      Please don’t feel pressurised by your peers into having sex as there is no rush or competition.
      It’s a common myth that “everyone is doing it”. In fact, the average age for having sex for the first time is 16, and many people prefer to wait until they’re older. Please remember that as you are 14, it’s against the law for you to have sex or drink alcohol.

      Sexual relationships also come with risks, such as unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, and you always have the right to withhold consent.

      If you are feeling pressure from your peers to drink and have sex, it may help if you find someone to talk to outside of your friendship group. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to take things at your own pace without giving in to external pressure.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Tempero Moderation 31/12/2012

  • ANON

    30/12/2012

    A few weeks ago, I entered my FIRST ever relationship with a very compassionate boy.

    There are a few really quite complicated things about our relationship.

    To start with, I am 15, and he is 19. It's not much of an age gap, but every year above seems rather drastic at this age. Secondly, he lives in America.

    I have told myself, that if this relationship were to really work, we would both see through the obstacles, and be together in the end.

    There is one think that I am most confused about. Is it illegal to DATE a 19 year old if you are only 15?

    I know very well that it IS illegal, if the relationship were to take a sexual turn, and you must know, that I am a very sensible person, and I will not be participating in anything overtly intimate just yet. Nor will I be when I eventually hit the official age of consent at 16. (Next year).

    Reply

    ANON - 30/12/2012

    • Hi Anon, thank you for your post.

      It’s positive that you do not feel pressured by the geographical distance between you and your boyfriend to enter into sexual activity. The average age for having sex for the first time is 16, the legal age, and many people prefer to wait until they’re older. If your boyfriend cares for you, he will understand why you want to wait. Please remember, you always have the right to withhold consent.

      It is not illegal for a 19 and 15 year old to date each other. However, as you say, it would be against the law for you and your boyfriend to have sex now and as your boyfriend is 19 he could be charged with rape.

      Hope this helps.

      Tempero Moderation 31/12/2012

  • Anonymous

    29/12/2012

    A few months ago I was at a party, I was spiked and my friend brother offered to take me home to see my friend.

    When we arrived he told me I wasn't allowed to see my friend. He shoved me into his bedroom an then after that all I can remember is waking up crying for my boyfriend with my friends brother on top of me, he asked if I wanted him to stop and I said yes, so he did! After that I remember waking up shakey and confused.

    Was this classed as rape with him stopping when I asked? How do I tell my boyfriend without him wanting to split up with me? Will he understand? It was a while ago should I tell the police and my parents?

    Reply

    Anonymous - 29/12/2012

    • Hi Anonymous, thank you for sharing your story.

      We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. Your confusion is understandable. Even though he stopped after you asked him to, your friend’s brother forced you to have sex when you didn’t want to and this is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      If your boyfriend cares about you he should understand that this was not your fault and the responsibility lies solely with your friend’s brother and not with you. Please remember, you have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about.

      We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone you trust about this if you can. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Tempero Moderation 31/12/2012

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