If you could see yourself
If you could see yourself, would you see rape?
Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.
If you could see yourself, would you see rape?
Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.
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A
15/04/2012
While I understand & appreciate the purpose of these adverts, I find them difficult to get away from. I will just be watching tv/listening to Spotify, when an advert depicting rape will come on & remind me what happened, and they completely paralyse me for a while. Thank god this has only happened while I've been on my own, so far. I think this campaign & the info on the website is great, but I feel that the adverts are more likely to affect victims of rape/sexual abuse than anyone else.
ReplyA - 15/04/2012
Greg
15/04/2012
I had a 'friends with benefits' scenario for a couple of months, for when my ex-partner and I wanted some attention and were both drunk. But after a while I wanted to end things, but he didn't. We saw each other in a nightclub, and argued because he wanted one more night together. He kept buying me drinks to get me drunk. He persuaded me to go back to his house and stay the night. He kept trying to kiss me, and eventually I got into his bed, and he asked me if he could have sex with me with me, with 'no' being my reply. However, he was persistent and said that he couldn't respect our friendship if I didn't. He said he didn't want to rape me and needed me to say 'yes'.I felt emotionally pressured, so I said 'yes'. We had oral and anal sex. , but I don't know if I can blame him because I did say 'yes' in the end, and we were friends? He was my friend though.
ReplyGreg - 15/04/2012
You definitely can't blame the guy, you had a friends with benefits situation which showed you were up for things without too much commitment, seeing him when he was drunk and agreeing to go to his house was all just hinting that you were willing to do it again. Getting into his bed and saying no is sending mixed messages, he was testing you to see if you were just playing hard to get. At the end of the day if you didn't want to say yes you wouldn't be in his bed, so of course you felt emotionally pressured to do so. you don't go to a restaurant and only say yes to your food when your emotionally pressured to do so. Its stories like this that end up causing people pain and suffering, you report it to the police, he spends the next 3 months of a trial wondering if he's going to prison, simply for doing something you've always done together. Whether they end in prosecution or a blank record, the emotional trauma, 'on the fence' accusations like this can cause is huge.
doctorH - 16/04/2012
Boy
14/04/2012
I just wanted to know if anyone had anything to tip me on about this. My ex sort of had a bit of an erge to do something... I think. And she kissed me alot, in strange ways like lying down on top of me. I didn't like it very much at the time and now I feel awqward around her, she has bullied me as well. I just don't know what to feel about her and what to say when she says she still has feelings for me. can anyone help me with this? I know its not as bad as any of the other comments but I feel like she forced me into it a bit. She hasnt abused me so much as raping me or hitting me, just pushed me into stuff.
ReplyBoy - 14/04/2012
Leah
14/04/2012
Like a lot of girls on here, im not sure if i was raped or if it was my fault, but i used to speak to this guy over msn, and i grew to really like him, i was 13 and he was 3 years older, so i was in school with him too, but he didn't speak to me in school. At an event i seen him and he took my hand, and took me to a field, he started kissing me, which i didnt mind, then he pulled my trousers down, and this is why im not sure if it was my fault, because i didnt say no, i just didnt say anything and carried on, i hated it. then after he told me not to tell anyone because i was only 13, then he walked away and left me. the day after i felt absolutely disgusting, even after a shower. He's tried speaking to me recently over facebook, but i ignored him, I've been in a relationship now for 2 years, and at the beginning it was hard, because i was so nervous around men, but im lucky he was very patient. I haven't told anyone this, because i know he wouldnt do it to anyone else, so thats another reason why i dont know if he actually meant to rape me? My heart goes out to all the girls that have shared their stories on here, such a shame.
ReplyLeah - 14/04/2012
Of course it isn't your fault, and yes it was rape. Firstly because you were underage, and secondly because you felt pressured into it. He should have been regularly checking you were okay and willing, and if he cared about you at all he would have asked you if you wanted to and made you feel safe and secure in your decision. Don't ever feel like having sex when you didn't want to is your fault, it's rape and is wrong.
Stay Strong - 16/04/2012
Jessica
14/04/2012
hey, i think this video is good and it shows people what really happens but if you want sex then get a partner and if they dont want to just wait for them there is no need to rape someone so inicent. <<<< sorry i cant spell im only 13 :)
ReplyJessica - 14/04/2012
ShyGirl
14/04/2012
With my last boyfriend he pressured me into it, I told him I didn't want to but he always made me feel bad and I felt like I would lose him if I let him go off in a mood, I eventually decided that enough is enough and if he cant respect my decision then he doesnt respect me, its not easy to upset someone you love even if its what you dont want but he did stop. Just speak your views and the outcome will be better than the one that would come to agreeing with something you dont want to do x
ReplyShyGirl - 14/04/2012
zaza
13/04/2012
i havent been raped, but i just wanted to share my thoughts with you that rape is a horrendous and a traumatic expierience for anyone to go through. rape... when we think of this word, we usually refer to girls. but the truth is that not only girls are raped boys are as well. if you dont want to have sex and someone keeps saying to you to have it, then refuse, of you are scared and you are not comfortable the speak to a teacher, staff member, someone who you are comfortable to speak to.
Replyi cant stress it enough how dangerous it is to go through something like rape, and if you dont want to do it, just say NO.....if you are really scared after saying no then go to the police, just make them aware or just tell your teacher, parent or guardian. please if you know a friend going through something like rape then please take a stand and dont watch someone's life getting ruined or destroyed. you wouldnt want to be haunted for the rest of your life with such a expirience, that just because you didnt take a stand either your life has been destroyed or you were involved in wrecking someone else's life, because you were the silent watcher.
Thank you guys. and please dont be scared. this is just awareness..
zaza - 13/04/2012
Girl
13/04/2012
I just wanted to know, if something like this did happen to you, at the actual time what is the best way to stop it from happening? It hasn't happened to me, but for everyone really, can anyone tell me?
ReplyGirl - 13/04/2012
The best thing to do will try and stay out of it , But I had a friend who was going to be raped by one of her male friends and before he Held her down and was going to rape her, she hit him over the Head with a Metal box or something (Not to sure) and he was knocked out and sent to hospital and now has no taste, She was found innocent because it was self defense. What im trying to say is that the law is there to protect people and if you feel threatened and justified to do it, the law will protect you from it.
Bubo - 15/04/2012
i always say if im going out with a boy i always bring a girl and he always brings a boy. so if u r at a party and i want to go upstairs or go some wear privert just let a friend no say something like if im not back in lets say 5 mins then come and check on me and that why if things do start to get ugly u then have someone to help
ellie - 13/04/2012
bubbles
13/04/2012
when i was 14 i was sexually abused by a lad tht was suppost to be my friend when people found out i was beaten up and called loads of horrible names when it finally went to court he sat through the tape and laughed and then he admitted that he did it. i have had to move school and go to councelling sessions because of this. i see him on a regular basis because he lives near me and everytime i see him i feel like it was my fault
Replybubbles - 13/04/2012
look bubbles, I know how you feel, your really brave to go through this. just keep your head up high, don't think about it, but if you do tell your councler, i wish you the besst of luck, helper girl
helper girl - 15/04/2012
It is not ur fault that some1 decided to take advantage of u. People we trust often break our trust but some1 u can always count on (well has been a massive help to me) is Jesus Christ. He carrys all ur burdens so u don't have to. Talk 2 him and read John 3:16 He loves u & wants 2 help. Stay blessed :)
HopeLady - 15/04/2012
dear bubbles,
i feel sorry for you, you are the same age as me and your so brave. for him to do that then laugh at you, makes me sick. what happened was not your fault and it never will be. he was never your friend. its hard but dont let fear run your life and don't be scared to talk out. what he has done is horrible but i wish you all the luck and hope you find someone as good as you.
a friend who really does care x
a friend who really does care - 14/04/2012
Hi, I read your comment and although i haven't been through anything like that i can understand why you may think that it was your fault because i sometimes feel like it was my fault my mum died but it's not. I just wanted to tell you not to blame yourself. You need to stay strong and if seeing him is really affecting you maybe you could ask your parents/guardians to move away from the area? I understand that may not be possible but it is just a suggestion. Once again I beg you not to feel as though any of what happened is your fault and stay strong, show him that your not scared any more!
I am who I am - 14/04/2012
Ellie
12/04/2012
The worrying thing is, people look at these videos and thinkthat they are strong enough to pull away, but in reality being pressurised like that really changes the perspective and it is much harder. This is a little from experience, but not serious things like rape but smaller things, however it still effects people depending on the person. So next time you want to do somthing with a partner or friend, ask them truthfully before if they want to do it and definately don't threaten them into it.
ReplyEllie - 12/04/2012
couldn't be more afraid
12/04/2012
i look at the other messages and think i was lucky, i don't actually know if it is classed as rape but i needed to share it with someone.. i was at my boyfriends house and we had had oral sex but he would always check if i was ok whilst doing it, but then recently he stopped asking and used to tell me i was changing if i wouldn't let him finger me, he went to try and finger me and i screamed, but there was no one in his house so he carried on. i felt like a wimp as he was younger than me, but i didn't know what to do after that so i told no one.. i still haven't to this day..
Replycouldn't be more afraid - 12/04/2012
it dose'nt matter if he was younger, younger stronger is a sayin I made up, it means that it doesn't matter how young you are you can still be capable of what a 21 yr olc can do, so stay strong, and if you have to tell someone don't be afraid, as long it is somebody you trust, as long as you're ok now, then don't be afraid, but just incase try your very best to be careful, bcuz boys are capable of many things, stay strong
helper girl - 15/04/2012
this sort of stuff has never happened to me but i think you are so brave to share it, its such a terrible thing. it must be so hard for you to carry this all this time. a dear friend of my'n went through a similar situation and she didnt tell anyone till one day she couldnt cope anymore. friends are always willing to help you out. you shouldnt have to carry this around with you. he shouldnt make you live on fear no one should, you have rights and telling someone does'nt make you gross or weak, you were never weak, saying no made you stronger than ever
someone who really does care x
someone who care's - 14/04/2012
Sam (15)
12/04/2012
last month i met somoene off the internet, not my best ever idea and i got raped, also my wrist badly strained from me trying to stop him. i am only 15 nearly 16, and this has really effected me, but luckily for me i have friends and family around me to help, the first time i saw this advert it brought it all back to me and this keeps happening also the guy who raped me keeps contacting me so its really had for me to get over this, but im sure i will in time. im too scared to go to the police so luckily i have my friends around me to help and support me. i think this will hopefully show everyone that sex with someone who dosnt want it is not right and both people should want it, i`d hate for this to happen to anyone i know, because i know the pain it causes
ReplySam (15) - 12/04/2012
its really tough to move on especially since he wont leave you alone, but not tellin the police only leaves him out on the streets ready to rape another girl. im 12 years old and had some horrible experiences that i would rather not talk about. the worst thing is knowing that he is still out there. the police can stop him and put him safely behind bars. my heart goes out to you and i hope you can move on xx
niamh - 15/04/2012
hey sam, yes meetin ppl of the internet is not ofcourse the brightest ideaa in the world, it's not evan a good one, cuz once they kno who u are,where u live, wwhere you hang out, they start to threatern you (I've seen it in a movie about sexting) so b careful and just get a new sim or somin like that good luck from helper girl
helper girl - 15/04/2012
Hey Sam, I have genuine sympathy for you. I can't put myself directly in to your position, but I can imagine how distressing that must have been. I agree that you should tell authorities, it can be tough but you most likely always come out of it brighter than darker. Don't bottle stuff up inside you, trust me. Just a small point to the comment above me by Maiz, I am not wishing to argue, but please note that instead of writing "He will rape again", you probably should have written "he will probably rape again", as writing "will" is a bit harsh as this guy may have moved away and realized what he has done. He may not have, but you cannot possibly look inside his head to point out. I will say it again, I do not want to argue, just merely point out the fact. Thank you
Fingers - 14/04/2012
im not not going to say its okay cuz i don't know what its like to be raped. But what i will say is that some times your family is the best thing to have bye your side in time of need. Also don't try to hard to get over it this must be hard a thing to go thought! And in time the slightly scared feeling you must get when you think of that * will fade and bad memories will still be there but just think you must have the good ones to cover it up. I'm 15 two and problems like this are common so good luck with the rest of your life. And i just hope you tell the police cuz other girls like you could be in for the same fate as you from that guy (boy)
alex - 12/04/2012
Hi Sam, it's truely harendous to hear that you have been raped but i think that you should go to the police, the problem is, is that the guy that raped you is still out there and he will rape again. i know it's scary and it will be hard at first but it's for the best. The police can track the guys address because he's contacted you online. My cousin was raped and the worst part for her is that the man is still out there. You need to be brave and thank god you have loving family and friends to helpget you through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Maiz - 12/04/2012
John
12/04/2012
Well the way I see it is that women love sex just as much or more then guys do but the fact.is that we guys need to make the first move because the girls wont.and if we wont then they will find someone else who would so because we are the male and they are the female we have to make the start and if we get any sign that she dont want to then leave her. I think they should hive life prison sentence to rape.
ReplyJohn - 12/04/2012
Read the comment. He says if the girl says no then to stop! You're calling him ignorant and rude, at least have the common courtesy to read the whole post before posting a completely irrelevant idiotic, narrow minded rant!
ANON - 20/04/2012
I do agree boys should make the first move but they shouldn't do that to innocent girls!
Anonymous - 20/04/2012
Guys, he's saying that it's difficult to know whether or not to make a move, but if there is protest then the guy should stop. Stop hating...
Dan - 14/04/2012
I think your comment is disgust, offensive and you should keep yourself to yourself if this is the way you look upon rape, its people like you that make women and girls realise that men are only after one thing and we should never be forced into it.
Milly - 13/04/2012
For this website I don't think who moves first isn't the problem, it is whether they want to go through with it that is.
Anonymous - 12/04/2012
How can you say that? Yeah, sure we want guys to make the first move, but when we say we don't want to, that means we don't want to!
ANNONYMOUS - 12/04/2012
That is a riduculous thing to say if a woman doesnt want sex she doesnt have it, it is not down to us men to force them.
Anonymous - 12/04/2012
Old girl
12/04/2012
My father touched my legs and forced a kiss with his tongue when I was just 12, I never could have a relationship with someone because of this, it´s so hurting to remember his disgusting hands on my body and the taste of his rotten mouth . I had to go to the judge but the police said he was my father and supposed to just talk with him. My mom and the rest of the family said me to shut it up, they tried to make my friends see me like a crazy person and liar, I´m on my limit of all this abuse, I just want go away of all this, I fell like a old girl
ReplyOld girl - 12/04/2012
I went thru similar stuff more than 10 yrs ago, still cant get over that. i believe it caused my sexual psychological problems. Please try to get help if not police then any other organization dealing with family and sexual abuse.
YM - 13/04/2012
I understand this my grandfather touches my in horrible ways, i am 14 and i am frightened, i understand, keep strong, you will get justice
WeeviBear - 12/04/2012
unavalible
11/04/2012
when i was about 3 i stayed at my auntie ( who was about 18 at the time )house and she had a partner called tom and i was there asleep on the floor with my teddy and the next minute im there awake hearing my anutie saying stop you will wake her up and him saying no just do it then she was crying and him moaning with enjoyment the next minute i remember was me standing up and seeing him on top on my auntie and i asked wht he was doing and he said it is a game u go to sleep but i knew it wasnt i slapped him on his leg and the next minute i had a broken leg and black eye and my anutie had one to. i dont no if what he did to my auntie was rape but im 12 now and my anutie is living happily living with her fiance but it is always scared her about having kids or my family having kids and when i am older i feel like it is gonna happen to me because i have been in a relesioship with someone that thinks we should of had sex and i am so scared if he turns on me :'(
Replyunavalible - 11/04/2012
i dumped him at school today he said it was just the kissing part and we need alot of practice i said it doesnt feel right anyway to be with u lets just move on hee said no si just walked away and thank you for the surrport me and my aunt r greatful :)
unavaible - 16/04/2012
What happend to your aunt is rape and its sad you had to witness that and suffer abuse for doing the right thing... Although you botg went through this violent experience you shouldn't let it stop you from trusting your partner but don't allow yourself to be forced into anything, if no doesn't a slap or a knee to the groin will ... Its not something you'll ever get over but like your aunt you'll see life isn't just full of darkness .... P.s 12 is wsy tooo young to having sex, if you boyfriends 12 aswell tell hiim to keep it inn his pants till pubity passed him by :/
I Know - 15/04/2012