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This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

If you could see yourself

If you could see yourself, would you see rape?

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape
  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical
  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Controlling Behaviour
  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP
  • Mandem On The Wall
  • Twist and Pulse
  • Charlie McDonnell
  • Bedroom
  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Sam & Alice
  • Zoe's story
  • Party
  • School
  • Takeaway

Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.

what do you think? share your opinions

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An expert from Young People’s Services – AVA – is reading and responding to posts on the site, to ensure that responses are independent, sensitive and helpful.

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Results: 270 - 285 of 542

  • lollie3

    25/04/2012

    i have a stepdad nd i am really scared 2 be alone wiv him. my dad died in 2008 nd i really miss him but i feel stupid talking about him. but what shall i do shall i just act normel aroud him or not? shall i tell somebody? xoxo

    Reply

    lollie3 - 25/04/2012

    • You should tell a close friend, or even a close family member, so that they can understand what you are going through. It is hard to be left alone with your mother's husband, almost like being left with a stranger, but be strong, and act as soon as you can. You can do it.

      xx Jay xx

      J - 30/04/2012

  • lollie3

    25/04/2012

    hey people im 11 nd i am very scared of growing up nd having a bf in high school. please can u give me some advice. thx for reading xoxox

    Reply

    lollie3 - 25/04/2012

    • Believe me there is nothing to be scared of about growing up, provided you are careful that you're not forced into anything you don't want. I'm seventeen and i've only just got my first boyfriend. Trust me it's worth waiting for the right guy, if you're not sure about dating then don't. High school is almost nothing like it seems in the movies and it's really a lot less scary than you'd imagine. Just remember that you always have a choice and if you choose not to date until you feel ready then that is your decision. I know people who started dating too early and regret it so if some people tease you then they really need to grow up.

      Alex - 17/05/2012

  • Anonymous

    25/04/2012

    Hey,

    I am now 22 but when i was 15 my boyfriend constantly bullied me and told me what to do. One night i went round his and we was sitting upstairs in his bedroom. Nobody else was home due to his Mum and Dad working late shifts. I fell asleep on his bed then i woke up (still late at night) with my top off and him in the middle of pulling my pants down. I immediately ran home crying but i didn't tell my parents as i was embarrassed and scared. I text him straight away and told him that we needed to break up and what you did was wrong. He text me back saying fine but you'll regret it. I thought he was just mucking around. That day when I went to school i told my best friend and we stayed behind at school to talk about it and finish revising. When It was time to go home, it was dark so my friend walked half way home with me. She then turned the other way to walk back to her house. 5 boys ran up to me and pinned me down behind some bushes i didn't recognize them at first but then i heard there voices. It was my ex and his friends. I shouted and screamed STOP but nobody heard me. They all took turns with me. It was horrid. I know this was not my fault but i thought i should share it :(

    Reply

    Anonymous - 25/04/2012

    • I feel for you
      I am so sorry you have ever had to go though that
      You should tell the police be cause that is gang rape

      Laura - 13/08/2012

    • yeah i agree, i would like to see them go into prison, they only do it because it gives them a sense of controll. x

      katie - 14/05/2012

    • I am so sorry, If anything like that happend to me i'd share it to! Have you told the police the boys would proberly go to the BIG HOUSE for several years?

      Meg - 28/04/2012

    • im so sorry guy can be x, i hope they went down

      adam - 27/04/2012

  • Natalie

    25/04/2012

    I think rape is a horrific thing that nobody should have to put up with. Its a horrid thing but can happen to anybody! Rape isn't the nicest thing to talk about but people should learn about it. They don't teach you this sort of thing at school but they really should especially as you start to get older! Most kids don't know exactly what rape is in fact most of them just think it's abduction and then sex.Rape can be all sorts of different things. This is a life lesson that i think all kids should learn as they got older. I have been through an experience of rape myself. It was horrible!

    Reply

    Natalie - 25/04/2012

  • JohnsonBoii (Traveller)

    24/04/2012

    Hello, ThisisABUSE & friends,

    I'm a lad, i had sex at the age of 15 with a 15 yr.old lass... and unfortunelly we didnt have money to get condoms at the time and now, I'm a father to her kid,
    and now since shes had the kid she wont let me see it,
    would that be classed as Abuse/Rape?

    If it is what should i do about it?#

    Should i take her to court? to get childcare support or whatever it is...


    Btw im 17 (18 in december 2012)
    Please Get In Touch ASAP Ty!

    Reply

    JohnsonBoii (Traveller) - 24/04/2012

    • Hi Johnsonboii

      Thanks for you post and I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

      You can cantact the following organisation which will be able to offer advice:
      Families need Fathers on www.fnf.org.uk
      Family Lives on familylives.org.uk

      This Is Abuse team 27/04/2012

  • Anonymous

    24/04/2012

    hi I'm 13, I know this sounds bad because I'm only 13 but I went over to my 'friends' house who was a boy, it seemed fine at first, playing on the Xbox and such. the night before I was sayig I would do stuff with him but the day after I didn't, I told him that I changed my mind. but he started to go down my pants, I crossed my legs and huffed he tried o go down my pants and he started to moan because I started to moan, and I couldn't listen too his moaning any more so I let him finger me.. I really hated this and he promised he wouldn't tell anyone but the week after he told a mate and they told another mate and so on, is this rape? because a lot have said it is I just want to make sure. the boy is 14 by the way, thank you for your time :)x

    Reply

    Anonymous - 24/04/2012

  • Anonymous

    24/04/2012

    hi I'm 13, I know this sounds bad because I'm only 13 but I went over to my 'friends' house who was a boy, it seemed fine at first, playing on the Xbox and such. the night before I was sayig I would do stuff with him but the day after I didn't, I told him that I changed my mind. but he started to go down my pants, I crossed my legs and huffed he tried o go down my pants and he started to moan because I started to moan, and I couldn't listen too his moaning any more so I let him finger me.. I really hated this and he promised he wouldn't tell anyone but the week after he told a mate and they told another mate and so on, is this rape? because a lot have said it is I just want to make sure. the boy is 14 by the way, thank you for your time :)x

    Reply

    Anonymous - 24/04/2012

    • Hi

      The law says that rape involves penetration with the penis. But if you were forced or pressured into taking part in a sexual activity when you didn't want to, then you were the victim of sexual assault, which is also a crime. You can read more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult

      This Is Abuse team - 25/04/2012

  • person

    24/04/2012

    2 yeas ago i was having a sleepover at my boyfriends house and we were watcing a film about relationships and we were sat next to eachother on his bed (his parents were out clubbing) and he started to feel around the top of my thigh and fiddiling with my belt buckle when he had undid it his other hand went up the back of my shirt and he started undoing my bra strap i told him to stop but he said he would tell everyone i was fridjed if i dident shut up so i did and after about half an hour he had undun my shirt i wanted it to stop therebut he just carried on then he pinned me on his bed and had sex with me when he had finished i got up and ran into the bathroom and started crying he came in and said he felt realy bad for what he did and promised he would never do it again we made up and we are still going out together but now we talk to each other and he asks me if im readu before we do anything sexual but what i want to know is was this rape and should i have told anyone???


    sorry about my spelling im a bit dyslexic

    Reply

    person - 24/04/2012

    • Being forced to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Many people who have suffered find it helpful to talk to someone about it, but it’s a personal decision. You say you’re still with him and he now always asks if you’re ready before you do anything sexual, which is good, but if you do want to discuss it with someone, there are lots of organisations who can help in the Need Help section of the site.

      This Is Abuse team 25/04/2012

  • CaZz

    24/04/2012

    People Who Do This Are Sick.
    Sick Minded!
    They Should Bring Back The Death Pelanty!

    - CaZz

    Reply

    CaZz - 24/04/2012

  • Anonymous

    24/04/2012

    I met this boy and got to talking to him for a while, i finally went to his house. We were fooling around in the bedroom and i did suppose make it seem like i was up for sex but i wasn't. He forced me down to the bed and wouldn't get off me no matter how hard i tried. It only happened last year. But i still believe its my fault. I feel like i provoked him so i feel its not only his fault. Is it my fault as well? or am i wrong, is it just him?

    Reply

    Anonymous - 24/04/2012

    • as far as im concerned whether you lead him on or not as soon as you said that you didnt want it then he crossed the line and hes in the wrong.

      Louise - 26/04/2012

    • No, it's not. I may be bias 'cuz i'm a girl too, but i don't believe it is your fault.
      See if i guy's interested in you and wants to be with you, he should acknowledge (and prbably respect) whatever you say right? so when you said 'no, i don't wanna do it' he should have acknowledged that and backed off (even if reluctantly).

      i 'suppose you shouldn't have led him on, and in that respect you might be at fault, but what matters is that he forced you to have sex with him. Here, he is Definately at fault.

      Saki Utawarerumono - 24/04/2012

  • Anonymous

    24/04/2012

    When I was 16 I went on holiday with my sister and some relatives. I was introduced to there friends one included to be a 45 year old man. As he was a friend I automatically trusted him, however during the holiday more and more things happened that made me very uncomfortable around him such as he told me he payed women of around 17 to sleep with him and said i was his type and constantly complimented me. One night the wind blew my skirt up and I pulled it down but then he tried to force it back up. Also he'd touch my bum in the pool and legs. Also when i came out of the shower he was in the living room and i didn't realise and then he tired to take my towel off even though he tried to make it seem like it was a joke, he could see i did not find it funny. At the end of the holiday he demanded he sat next to me in a meal and passionately kissed my arm with tongue and put his hand very far up my thigh. I told my relative how uncomfortable I was around him and he was too friendly and she just told me I was being silly. Is this abuse? I am now 20 and still a virgin and I do think this has affected me as any opportunities that have come to have sex I panic and during uni a boy crashed at mine I said just as friends but he layer in my bed i said I'm going to sleep but he kept touching me and i had to force him off and he wouldn't listen until i got up and walked out. I find it very hard to trust boys as I feel they only want sex and don't like me for me. thank you x

    Reply

    Anonymous - 24/04/2012

    • Its not your fault you should have told your parents very clearly i hope you can trust boys again

      Anonymous - 24/04/2012

    • This seems to be a case of a man with pedophilia, and this is wrong. I understand deeply how this must have been a very traumatic experience that has stayed with you for a very long time.

      Although it may not have seemed like much to others (the relative you told), this is still clasified as rape. Carressing someone who doesn't want to be touched is clasified as rape. No, it is not silly, he was maikng you feel uncomfortable. Furthermore, the fact that he was 45 must have made it more uncomfortable an is a paedo. Not only is it rape, but wrong as you ar only a minor.

      I hope you don't get too worried about it but it was right for you to let it out. I hope that you build up confidence and realise that there are some men who want to have sex with you because they love you for who you are.

      The Writer - 24/04/2012

  • Charlette Goult

    23/04/2012

    i think rape is wrong

    Reply

    Charlette Goult - 23/04/2012

  • Laura

    23/04/2012

    I was with someone I thought I trusted and would never hurt me but he did the most horrible thing that no one should go through, I sometimes have nightmares about that day but I'm so lucky I have my friends and family that supported me through that traumatic experience. Sadly some people that went through what I did suffer in silence, have no support what so ever and doesn't tell anyone. If anyone has been through any sort of experience like that speak up you are not alone.

    Reply

    Laura - 23/04/2012

  • Anon

    23/04/2012

    I've been friends with a guy from work for around 5 years now. 3 years ago he told me he liked me and that he'd like it if we could be more than friends. I told him that i was just out of a relationship and couldn't face having a boyfriend and that I didn't see him that way. He helped my through a lot of hard times and he meant the world to me as a friend, lovely lovely guy, trusted him with my life at the time. Although the more we started seeing eachother and talking the stronger his feelings became! When I eventually got a new boyfriend a year ago he became angry and obsessive, saying that i never "gave him a chance" that I was "being unfair". He often texted me constant abusive messages sometimes receiving one every 30 seconds even if I didn't reply. We eventually stopped talking because I got fed up with the stress he caused and my friends worried about the situation. He started telling me that he felt suicidal and that it was my fault and had been diagnosed as an alcoholic so I started talking to him again. In my head I decided it was better to tolerate him than live the rest of my life knowing that I'd caused someone to kill themself. I felt so bad that I broke up with my boyfriend with the fear of him doing something stupid. Then last October I was in my house sleeping at about 1am when someone knocked the door, it was my "friend". He'd texted me saying that he was at a halloween party and that he was going to come visit. I'd said I'd be angry but I could hardly stop him. I let him in and moaned about it for a bit before going back upstairs to sit in bed. At this point i had no reason to think that he would do anything but I do look back and think that if i hadn't maybe the following events wouldn't have happened! I trusted him, his mum had been sexually assaulted so I knew how strongly he felt about it. But before i knew it he was in my bed touching me. I kept pushing his hands away and saying "I'm serious, stop it" He kept trying to kiss me and eventually had my pants off. This is the point that I started to freak out and started crying before he had sex with me (unprotected). I cant even describe how i was feeling as it happened, i think i froze in time. I have no idea how long it lasted or how i managed to get him to stop. I just remember crying and saying "please don't". Then he left. The next day was a blur. I told my best friend about it (he knew something was up when he came to see me) and i felt really tearful all day. I never ever use the word rape though because I dont want to believe that thats what it is. I feel like it was my fault and that noone would believe me if I told them because I've been trying to act normal ever since, even though i think about it every day. I've told my best friend, my ex boyfriend and 2 girls that I live with. Noone mentions it though, I dont think theyre sure how to approach the situation, but it just makes me think that they think I'm lying. I also blame myself for what happened to an extent. This is my first step in getting help. Its nice to know there are people out there who understand- id just like to know is it wrong that I'm still worried about him after all this? Ive been acting normal around him ever since for the fear that ill say something that will push him over the edge. I feel like my head is going to explode!

    Reply

    Anon - 23/04/2012

    • Im not saying tell everyone but the more you talk the easier it will get even if that means just talking to a pet it makes it easier and it wont be that scary anymore!

      Anonymous - 24/04/2012

    • Hi Anon

      Thank you for your post, I'm sorry to hear about what happend to you.

      Please don't blame yourself for what happened, it is not your fault and there was nothing you could have done it to prevent it. The fault is always with the abusers and the person who rapes and not with the victim. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime.

      From your post I can see that you have spoken to your friends about it, but as you feel they are not taking your concerns seriously, I think it might help you to talk to someone in confidence. They will be able to offer you personal advice and talk through your options.

      You can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) or have a look at Help pages on this website. It lists organisations which might be able to help you.

      This Is Abuse team 24/04/2012

  • Kiron

    23/04/2012

    This is rape and you shouldn't stand for it you should try to tell someone your close to or something like that.Your's has alot of meaning and alot of detail which proves that this is real.No offence to everyone else but they havn't put so much detail and meaning into it like you i think what you had done to you was disgusting however when you said thats you cant hug another boy because of it tell the boy that and if he really cares he will understand you hope this means alot i had a long time writing this all the best Kiron :)

    Reply

    Kiron - 23/04/2012

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