This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

If you could see yourself

If you could see yourself, would you see rape?

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape
  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical
  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Controlling Behaviour
  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP
  • Mandem On The Wall
  • Twist and Pulse
  • Charlie McDonnell
  • Bedroom
  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Sam & Alice
  • Zoe's story
  • Party
  • School
  • Takeaway

Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.

what do you think? share your opinions

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Results: 60 - 75 of 548

  • fizzyah

    10/04/2013

    i had a cousin that i loved he was amazin but one day he took mr in a alliway and there wre a few of his friends my cousin dropped me off there my cousin ran off and there were 3 boys they beat me up and i can remember thaey had this injection thing i was screamin they stuck the injection in my neck then i passed out then wen i woke up 1 of the guys were on top of me i was naked and it was like midnight after they were done they just left and spat on my face i felt disgusted upset wen i went back home my mom was shocked i told her that i was beaten by random people i didnt tell her the full story she told me to go to slepp i dint i couldnt i have noghtmares and i hope i get an reply

    Reply

    fizzyah - 10/04/2013

    • Hi fizzyah,

      Thanks very much for your message.

      We are so very sorry to hear what happened to you, that's horrific - rape is a crime and it should be reported. It’s important to understand that what happened was not your fault; there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      We would urge you to tell your mum the whole story or find someone else you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, another relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, it’s important to speak up about what happened. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      You can also speak to the police about the assault, most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 10/04/2013

  • hannah

    08/04/2013

    what will the police do if I was raped 3/4 years ago and hadn't told anybody and I have no proof? and the man is in prison already for other crimes?

    Reply

    hannah - 08/04/2013

    • Hi Hannah,

      Thanks for your post

      Reporting what happened to the police may seem like a big deal and if you have questions you might find it helpful to talk to an expert who can tell you more about the process and what to expect before you make the call to the police. Call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor about your worries - they are on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm, they will be able to help and advise you.

      Please also remember that if/when you do decide to report it, most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help.

      This Is Abuse team 08/04/2013

  • krim

    06/04/2013

    Hi. When i was seven i used to go over to my cousins house orr sleepovers. My uncle used to slap my butt as i walked around. Then one night i was pretending to sleep because my cousins had already gone to sleep. But then he would come and touch my legs under my clothes, and touch my lady parts. I didnt move or pretend to wake up. I was scared but i didnt tell anyone until a year later i told my mum because my cousins invited me frequently, and i liked playing with them. Its been six years. My mum is the only one who.knows. We have had three converstions since. I start crying which makes my mum upset. She says we cant tell anyone because it would crush our family since my aunty and him have a very rocky relationship. My mum says i have to try and forget but i am 13 and i am going through puberty. Throughout my childhood i didnt really think about it until six months ago. I cry when i think about it. I cry when i go to sleep. I think i cry in my sleep when i have nightmares, that is until i wake up in the middle of the night. In fact i am crying as i write this. I dont know how to stop thinking about it. But i cant get counselling because my mum is the only one who knows. Its ger sisters husband who abused me. I cant talk to my mum often because it just upsets both of to talk about it. I just want to know how to deal with my depressions. I would be VERY GREATFUL if you reply!!!

    Reply

    krim - 06/04/2013

    • Hi krim,

      Thanks for posting on the site.

      You can get help so please don't think you have to manage this on your own. What happened to you is awful, and we really think you need to talk about your experiences and get the help and support you deserve.

      We would encourage you to speak to ChildLine, you can call them in confidence on 0800 1111 to talk about what happened or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      This Is Abuse team 08/04/2013

  • Martin

    05/04/2013

    It concerns me that the videos on your site are all gender specific, male abuse to females. This seems to be giving an incorrect impression of the reality of abuse and could lead to the belief that females are not abusive. This could lead to making abused males feel even more isolated.

    Reply

    Martin - 05/04/2013

    • Thanks for your feedback Martin. We are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign.

      We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight, and we are also aware that most teenage boys have normal and healthy relationships. However, in abusive relationships the statistics show that it is usually the male in the relationship that is the abuser and the female the victim and therefore it is important for the campaign to reflect this.

      Our objective is to help both boys and girls spot the signs of abuse in relationships and raise awareness of what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour, and although we depict a female victim in the advert, the messages are relevant for both boys and girls whether they are victims or abusers,

      We have provided advice and information on the website which points all victims to the help they need - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help - including specific help for male victims of violence and abuse through Respect and Survivors UK. The site is also a forum where young people can pose questions and discuss the issue with their peers and experts in the field.

      We also work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse and those in gay relationships, which you can view by clicking on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU

      We have also produced a video in partnership with Broken rainbow which is intended to provide advice and signpost help for LGBT victims of domestic violence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U0ZJFdxCtg&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=2&feature=plcp

      We welcome all views; it’s good that the campaign is prompting you to ask questions Martin and seek more information.

      Tempero Moderation 05/04/2013

  • fizz

    24/03/2013

    i had a boyfriend when i was 16 i loved him a lot one night he hurt me this is my story he was drunk he grabbed me threw me on the bed hit me with his belt a lot of times ripped my clothers put a cloth over my mouth he took his top off and then you know what he did raped me he kept goin on for like 2 hours i screamed cried but nothing helped he was heavy i couldnt move when he was done he pulled my hair threatened me that if i told anyone he would kill me he told me that it was nothing to worry about and that is was only rough sex he beat me up after im really scared ive not told my mom yet and this only happed 2 daays ago i cant stop having nightmares about him people still that were dating im scared helpless what should i do plzz help ive not told anyone and im crying while typing plzz help mee plzz

    Reply

    fizz - 24/03/2013

    • hiya fizz

      i have been through what you hav been through hun you really need to tell th police about it hun

      it happend to me 2 tims in my life bfor i was 13 nd this year ,

      you nd to tll your um th bst way to do it is to sit her down and just say mum i need to tell you somthing then tell her the bst way

      hope i get a reply back soon

      paige - 29/03/2013

    • Hi Fizz,

      Thanks for your message.

      What happened to you was horrific, we are so sorry to hear - but you really do need to tell someone you trust what happened. Physical abuse and rape are crimes, you should report your boyfriend.

      None of what happened was not your fault - please tell your mum, or if you can't tell her, speak to someone else you trust, and if they don't want to listen, keep on trying until you find someone that does. It’s really very important to speak up about what happened, do not keep it to yourself. You have the right to be safe, and you can get the help and support you need.

      You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111, free and in confidence, or you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      You can also speak to the police - most forces have specially trained police officers who can help.

      If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 26/03/2013

  • Kate

    24/03/2013

    When i was about 9 i think, i went to a child minders when my mum wasn't home from work until 6pm after school, this childminder had two sons, one aged about 15/16 the other 1 year older than me.

    The older son and I got on really well and i would often chat to him whilst the other boy was downstairs with his mum, one afternoon, we were talking and he brought up masturbation and i didn't really know what it was so i played along, then he said, 'i learnt some new moves, can i try them on you' then he started touching me first through my trousers, then he said 'I can't really do it like this' so he went unzipped my trousers and went into my pants.

    He kept touching me , i didn't really know what was happening apart from the fact that i didn't like it, but i was scared of him so, of course, i didn't tell him to stop. a few minutes later he heard someone coming up the stairs so he stopped, once they'd gone, he started touching himself, i felt uncomfortable.

    Looking back now, aged 14, i wish i'd said no.
    It always comes back and haunts me, it's left me really uncomfortable around boys on my own. I've never told anyone, Can anybody help?

    Reply

    Kate - 24/03/2013

    • Hi Kate

      Thanks for getting in touch.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is totally unacceptable. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      If you are unsure of what is or isn’t classed as sexual abuse or assault, examples can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.

      If you are ever put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to, it’s important to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.

      And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Tempero Moderation 24/03/2013

  • fizzah

    18/03/2013

    when i was 15 i had a boyfriend whos wa 17 i loved him a lot

    but one day i was home alone and there was a knock on the door it was his friends and him they were drunk i told them to sid then my boyfriend told me to go upstairs his friends came along too his friendlocked the door

    my boyfriend ripped my dress pinned me down on the bed undressed me but a bandana over my mouth i screames he was really heavy i though i was gonnna die he hurted me he raped me and to keep me still he used his 2 friends to hold me down

    after they were done they threatened me and beat me up they went i didnt say anything i was frozen i felt like i wanted to commit suicide

    the next day in school he ignored me and his friend took the piss out of me they thought it was joke i dodnt tell my mom because i was 2 scared too ur the only person i have told and i need your advice plzz

    tell my what to do they scare me in my dreams i cant forget about it that rape is apart of my life forever how do i forget about it aahhh!im stuck

    Reply

    fizzah - 18/03/2013

    • Go and tell someone that can help the police a friend a friends parent.

      Your parent everyone will understand an stand by ur side to make it better

      Anonymous - 19/03/2013

    • Hi fizzah,
      Thank you for having the courage to post your story.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape. It is a crime and it should be reported.

      It’s important to understand that what happened was not your fault; there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      If you have been raped, we would urge you to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, it’s important to speak up about what happened. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      If you have been raped or sexually assaulted, you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Tempero Moderation 19/03/2013

  • Isabella

    15/03/2013

    tbh, rape is sick and twisted and no one should be forced into having sex. if they dont want to, they dont want to.simple.

    ewww its sick tbh and if your the victim dont be ashamed of yourself because its not your fault .
    just report it

    Reply

    Isabella - 15/03/2013

  • Gina

    10/03/2013

    I was at a party with my boyrfriend the other night. im 22 nd he is 23.. i went to bed tired/ a little drunk really late and he came in and started taking my clothes off et.

    I didnt want to have sex but knew it would be easier if i just let him cos he turns nasty if he doesnt get his own way.

    Anyway it was fine until he said he wanted to have anal sex and i said no i didnt want to, i said no over and over again he heard me then he just did it anyway.

    He did it until ii begged him to stop and he stopped for a while, then we both fell asleep and he woke up and started trying to do it again, i got annoyed at this point and said "NO i dont want to do it!" firmly and he started getting nasty and said that i was "no use to him" and then he started huffing with me, lying with his back to me and tellin me not to touch him, and to f off.

    Then he left the room and said that he was going to find another woman cos i was no use. When he got back into bed he started grabbing at me really roughly in my privates and hitting me in the stomach when i told him to get off me.

    I tried talking to him the next day about how upset i was with him about this and he just dismissed everything i had to say.

    He was trying to have sex with me again and i said how can u do this after last night and we got in ana arguement where he said I was "boring him" and that he was drunk and didnt need to be reminded of what he does when drunk.

    I told him he had no respect for me to do something like that and kept saying how i need to earn respect from him etc... i could go on but i think u get it... we've been together for 2 and a half years.

    Reply

    Gina - 10/03/2013

    • Hi Gina,

      Thanks for your message, we're really sorry to hear what's happened between you and your boyfriend.

      It does not matter if you are in a relationship with someone or if they are a stranger. When someone makes you do something you do not want to do, it means you are not consenting and it is rape. It also does not matter if you start out by saying yes and then change your mind, or if you feel like you have 'given in'. It is also never OK to make someone feel bad if they don't want to have sex as this is a form of emotional abuse; click here to see the signs of an abusive relationship - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse.

      Please understand that none of this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it. It’s really important to try and find someone you trust to talk to about this and the physical and emotional abuse you're suffering. It could be a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      You can also call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) to get help, support and advice or log-on to Women's Aid's Survivors' Message board: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=0001000100080021§ionTitle=Survivors+Forum.

      And you can can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      This Is Abuse team 12/03/2013

  • Anon

    08/03/2013

    I had a boyfriend we were in year 11.

    We were at a party my boyfriend took me upstairs he look my clothes of, I was drunk he forced me to do things i didnt want to then he raped me

    help me

    Reply

    Anon - 08/03/2013

    • HI Anon

      Thanks for getting in touch.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape. It is a crime and it should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it. If this has happened to you, it’s important to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pmIf you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Tempero Moderation 09/03/2013

  • Anon

    07/03/2013

    I am so deeply disturbed by this advertisement.

    I think it's very strong and that everyone should be informed about rape but when it came up in my Spotify I felt so distressed and had to turn the volume off.

    The fact that we are forced to listen to such a strong advertisement without having a choice of whether to listen to it or not makes me feel a bit apprehensive about whether to use Spotify again.

    I don't want to feel sick just because I want to listen to music. Having said that, a big hug to all those who have suffered from rape.

    Reply

    Anon - 07/03/2013

    • Hi Anon

      Thank you for your feedback, we are sorry to hear that you find the advert distressing.

      We do realise that this is an extremely sensitive subject. We also realise that the advert is confrontational and difficult to watch, this is because it’s a very real representation of a very real problem.

      Research shows that there are large numbers of teenagers (both male and female) who view this sort of behaviour as normal and/or just something that you put up with.

      Our objective for this campaign is to improve understanding of what is and isn’t acceptable sexual behaviour, thereby helping people to recognise and name sexual abuse and rape as such.

      The advert was developed with the help of several charities who work with people who have been affected by this issue and was also extensively researched with young people prior to being made.

      The reason for it being shown on national television is an attempt to reach as many people as possible, creating national awareness of a national problem. We have already seen, in the response to the advert on this website, that it is proving helpful in enabling young people to rethink their attitudes towards rape.

      We are truly sorry to hear of your distress but hope that you can appreciate the need to address this very serious issue.

      Tempero Moderation 07/03/2013

  • klaudia

    03/03/2013

    i remember when i was 15 now im 16 i was walking from school when a teenager jump's in front of me

    i didnt know what he wanted he grabbed me i was struggiling he kept touching me every where i was scared he dreagged me into this dump place he rapped me by the time i wasent pregnant and im not now but i thought i was going to be then he just started kissing me

    i froze i was crying then a man was running to me but i ran away i didnt tell anyone not my parents or brother or sister

    what should i do im scared because ive seen him rapping someone in a ally way he's sen me im scared as hell

    Reply

    klaudia - 03/03/2013

    • Hi klaudia,
      Thank you for your post and we are so sorry to hear about this distressing incident from your past. We think it is really important that even though this may have happened some time ago, you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape. It is a crime and should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pmIf you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Tempero Moderation 04/03/2013

  • fizzela

    02/03/2013

    when i was in year 9 i had a boyfriend called jake we were at a party with his friends as well jake went home and i was stuck at the party with his friend.

    There were 3 of them they told me to get upstairs so i did then they locked the door behind i told them that i wanted to home but they didnt listen they undressed me they were kissing me and they raped me.

    After they were done they threw £10 on my face i was crying in tears i havent told my boyfriend yet and im scared because they always be everywhere.

    What should i do?

    Reply

    fizzela - 02/03/2013

    • HI Fizzela

      We are so sorry to hear about this distressing incident from your past. We think it is really important that even though this may have happened some time ago, you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape. It is a crime and should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pmIf you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Tempero Moderation 02/03/2013

  • Anon

    28/02/2013

    Hi there, My boyfriend came over today but before he did i told him i didn't want to have sex for multiple reasons and he agreed.

    When he got here it was about 2 minuets before he started trying to undress me whilst i was on the phone to my aunt because he knew i wouldn't be able to put up a verbal argument..

    We ended up watching a movie and next thing i know he was kissing me, not with passion but with hunger and somehow i ended up on my back in an awkward way and he was trying to have sex with me.

    I kept saying no and trying to push him off me but he wasn't listening and it was about a minuet before he got off me. I thought it was done and maybe it was a miss understanding but then he attempted to do the same thing again just more forceful and each time i said no he just kept saying don't worry or just once more, and when i tried to wriggle from under him he just kept holding me down by the top of my head and going in harder and deeper so eventually i just stopped trying to fight and went with it because i thought the more i react the faster it'll be over with then he can leave and not try again.

    Was this wrong and is this rape? Because i just feel disgusted with myself.

    Reply

    Anon - 28/02/2013

    • Hi Anon

      Thanks for getting in touch wea re sorry to hear that you have been having a problem with your boyfriend.

      Rape is when a man forces his penis into the mouth, anus or vagina of another person when that person doesn't want him to do so; the law calls this 'without consent'. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a crime and it should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information. You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can find out more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult

      Tempero Moderation 28/02/2013

  • Victoria

    25/02/2013

    My ex boyfriend used to have sex with me whilst I was asleep. Half the time I had woke up, but passed out soon after from pain. I have been left with internal scarring which sometimes affects me and my current boyfriends sex lives. He used to try force me off my pill because he wanted a child for the benefit money. He also stopped me from seeing my friends, and sometimes hurt me.
    He now has a new girlfriend, and got her pregnant within a week, and they now live off benefits with their new child.
    I'm finding it difficult to get over the past, even though I have someone who is helping me so well. Is there any sort of closure I could get? Was it abuse, or me being sensitive?

    Reply

    Victoria - 25/02/2013

    • Hi Victoria,

      Thanks for your message. In answer to your question, yes that was abuse.

      If your ex used to have sex with you whilst you were asleep and you did not consent then that was rape. To be clear, rape is when a man forces his penis into the mouth, anus or vagina of another person when that person doesn't want him to do so; the law calls this 'without consent'. You can find out more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult. If your ex was also trying to control you and was violent, those are also signs of emotional and physical abuse.

      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a parent or other relative, a close friend, or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information. You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted.

      This Is Abuse team 27/02/2013

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