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This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

If you could see yourself

If you could see yourself, would you see rape?

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape
  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical
  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Controlling Behaviour
  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP
  • Mandem On The Wall
  • Twist and Pulse
  • Charlie McDonnell
  • Bedroom
  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Sam & Alice
  • Zoe's story
  • Party
  • School
  • Takeaway

Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.

what do you think? share your opinions

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Results: 300 - 315 of 542

  • Cat

    18/04/2012

    again, I'm just trying to understand where the line for rape is? when I was sixteen and in a long term relationship with the first boy I ever slept with he pressured me into sex. Although we'd done it before, I wasn't in the mood and said no he continued to take my clothes off and have sex withg me which was very painful. I cried during but I don't think he noticed then when he was finished I curled up in a ball and didn't want to talk to him for a while obviously! I stayed with him for a few months after and really forgot about the whole month ago, am I overreacting since I wasn't physically forced and did stay with him? Thinking about it makes me feel sick and have flashbacks so I tend not to, help?

    Reply

    Cat - 18/04/2012

    • Hi Cat

      Thank you for posting and I'm sorry you are having a tough time.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. If that is what happened to you it might help to talk to someone about it. I'll give you some phone numbers of charities that help in these situations at the end.

      From your post I am unsure whether you gave consent to have sex with your boyfriend. The law in Britain says that both people need to give their consent before sex or any physical closeness.

      However it is a myth that you must clearly say NO otherwise it is not rape. Someone doesn't have to say the word NO to withhold permission. There are lots of ways they might say they don't want to have sex. Many people find it hard to say anything, and will show through their body language that they don't want to. Both people having sex should always look out for signs that their partner might not be comfortable and might not be giving their consent.

      If this has happened to you and you wish to talk to someone you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
      Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge)

      This Is Abuse team 19/04/2012

  • James

    18/04/2012

    I's great to mention and stopping rape but I feel this issue is portrayed in your adverts in a biased equity. Men are portrayed always as the rapist, while women the victims, however this is not always the case and male rape does exist. So on that note please could you mention this as men too can be victims and needs to be made aware of.

    Reply

    James - 18/04/2012

    • I agree that men are always the rapists in the advert of whatnot but if you think about it (Im not tryin to be sexist) it makes sence. Men are more tougher and bigger then girls. I mean, can you see in 1 of these clips a woman pinning down the man and the man is struggeling?

      RJ - 21/04/2012

    • true that

      anon - 21/04/2012

    • Agreed, males are always shown as the aggressive ones but in a huge amount of cases thats not true!

      Anon - 20/04/2012

  • 0kat0

    17/04/2012

    i am 14 years old and when i was 13 me and my friend from school who was 14 went to a party with some of his friends after we went back to his house his perents were out so we just went up to his room we were taliking when he kissed me we were good friends and i kinda had a crush on him so i dident pull away he started feeling me up and started to take of my top i pulled away and tolled him no stop but he pushed me down on his bed saying stuff like you want this i no it i tolled him stop i dont and started to cry and pull away but he was to strong and then he raped me i dident tell anyone how could i. i was did not no what to do i could not face seeing him in school so i did not go in the next day i would cry at night for a long time i am still only recovering i feelt so alone and scerd i finaly talked to my mum it was hard she got made and started to cry and then she went to the boys house and tolled his perents and had a big fight i ended moving school but then he started texting me stuff horrible stuff he once followed me home i did not tell the police because i am to afraid the texts have stopped foe now(i have not talked to my mum abot this) i am afraid and i feel alone if anyone can help
    (sorry about my spelling i am not that good)
    i want to move on with my life but i dont no how.

    Reply

    0kat0 - 17/04/2012

    • Hi Okato

      Thanks for your post and I'm sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. None of this was your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      From your post I can see that you've spoken to your mum about it, which is great. If you feel you need to you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      It sounds as if the abuse did not end after your relationship ended. Being threatened or harassed is a crime. You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
      The police understand how distressing it can be to talk about an assault and will take things slowly. An adult that you trust and feel comfortable with can also support you whilst you are talking to the police.

      This Is Abuse team 20/04/2012

  • Anon

    17/04/2012

    I'm unsure of what this will be classed as, but anyway i want to say my piece. I normally get along with guys more than girls (im a girl) and i made friends with this guy from work. we started talking a lot and one day he invited me out.. he told me to met him at his house, even thou it was far i still went as he was new to the country and didnt know places, so i fought i would pick him up and we would go out for a coffee in which we talked bout. while i was at his house he was reluctant to leave so i stayed a while. we were talking and listening to music in which he was offering a back massage i kept saying no, no its fine i dont want.. he seem a bit offended and told me that in his country he was good at it he had classes (in which i stupidly believed because im gullible) he kept asking so i gave in and said yeah okay.. first everything was outside of the clothing then he claim it would be better under my top, i agree but didnt take my top of.. then he claim that he had some special oil.. i said no at first but then gave in after he asked and asked.. he told me he dont want my top to get oil so take it off.. i hesitated then agree.. i was face down on his bed whilst he was siting on top of my back pining me down.. then he removed my bra.. i didnt say nothing because i could feel the oil getting on it and i fought he was moving it outta the way.. he started to rub my whole back and slyly touch the sides of my boob in which i told him to stay on my back.. he kept on slyly touching it and after a certain amount of times in me telling him not to i just ignored it.. thats when he pushed his hands right underneath my boobs and was cupping them and squeezing.. i was telling him to stop that he should get off me because all his weight was pinning me down from backwards.. he just began talking dirty to me saying how he likes this.. i was trying to push him away and push up from the bed and then he slipped his hand down my shorts and began to finger me i was asking him and begging him to stop as i was a virgin and didnt want to do this with someone i hardly know.. but he continued and pushed me down into the bed.. he then tried to flip me over in which that gave me the opportunity to push him away properly i told him stop i dont want to do this and after around 2 mins of him feeling me up and me protesting he stopped and i ran to the bathroom.. he did check on me to see if i was okayy in which i said yeah but i want to go home.. he told me to the bus station and left.. i called my best friend (also a male) and told him what had happened.. and he told me it was all my fault that i lead him on.. i was so upset about the whole situation that i started to smoke (ive never smoked in my life) and everytime i would remember what had happened i would throw up.. i dont know what this falls under.. can u tell me please.. i still get stomach cramps everytime i think about it and to make it worst we work together and he keeps on poking me or touching me.

    Reply

    Anon - 17/04/2012

    • Hey Anon, I'm a french girl and by internet i came on this page. sorry for my poor english ^^
      so, i read your comment. I can't assure you that is not your fault. yes you're a littel gullible but it doesn't mean that he has the right to do that to you while you don't want to. it's clearly abuse. don't hesitate because you're friend told you that's your fault. lots of boys think that, because you came in a room with them, you have to sleep with. and, anyway, it's not because you want to in the first place that you have to then. It's called respect. and obviously this boy, as your friend don't know it.
      Don't blame yourself please. and ask for help because today, this guy abuse you, he starts at his home, but if you don't tell anything he'll be more confiant and repeat his abuse again, on you or somebody new.
      Believe me, you're juste a good person who believes that world could be great, with loving people. unfortunately, there's a lot evils in the crappy world. Help to get catch one. and change of friend. it's a complete ass.
      To get through this, I can only give a advice : talk et find someone to trust in, really.
      I hope I helped. You remember me, being so nice with everybody. You're lucky this time, but please, be less confiant the next.
      Kisses, hoping you'll be okay again.

      Lyl - 18/04/2012

    • this was absolutely no way your fault, this guy is a nasty individual, and your so called friend is no better, i would report it immediately to your manager and request a transfer and go to the police. this guy clearly had the intention of sex when he invited you over and should have listened when you said no. it was a sexual assault and you should report it.

      anon - 18/04/2012

    • Hello, I was reading your post.

      This isn't OK.

      He abused your trust. This isn't rape as he never penetrated you but it is a serious form of sexual assault and he could be sent to prison. Whatever happened this is not your fault. You told him 'No' that was enough. Your friend was in the wrong for blaming you and I hope he comes to his senses and apologizes! If you feel strong enough I suggest you contact the police, you never know he may try to do this again with someone else or go further next time and i'm sure you would feel devestated if he did this to someone else when you could have prevented this horrible ordeal for them. As for the throwing up and stuff; I'm not surprised, it sounds like you are suffering from shock and you should really tell someone authoritive; maybe a boss? Not only has this guy physically and emotionally hurt you he is now tormenting you with the poking-this isn't OK. There was nothing you could have done to stop what he did and it isn't your fault at all. You Said 'NO'. He ignored you he is completely in the wrong. If you are suffering there is a range of services such as counselling that can help you. Perhaps visit you GP for more advice?

      I'm very sorry this happened to you and I wish you the best luck with moving on (if possible)

      Source :Recent Sexual abuse Victim

      Anonymous - 17/04/2012

  • anonymous

    17/04/2012

    I was with a guy for about a year and i would always go and see him on the weekends. I loved him but he would always shout at me or call me horrible names but i would still go and see him. all my friends and family told me not to as they knew what he was like but i couldnt help it. then one time i went round and we were downstairs and we had to be quiet because his family were asleep. We started hving sex but then he started trying to have anal and i didnt want to but i couldnt move as the sofa was in front of me. He carried on doing it and it was horrible. Afterwards i was shaking and crying he just told me to grow up. I've tried to tell him what he did was wrong but he just says im being disgusting telling him thats what happened. I told my friends but i cant tell my parents. He keeps texting me and wont leave me alone. I dont know what to do. :(

    Reply

    anonymous - 17/04/2012

    • Hi Anonymous

      Thank you for posting and sharing your story. I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you.

      Please be reassured that none of this is your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Being forced to have anal sex consitutes as rape as law states that: rape is when a man forces his penis into the vagina, anus or mouth of another person when that person doesn't want him to do so; the law calls this 'without consent'.

      Just because you are consenting to one sort of sexual activity does not mean you are consenting to everything. Permission is required for each activity.
      You can always withdraw your consent anytime, it's your right to do so.

      You mention that you spoke to your friends about what happened. It might be helpful to also talk to someone in confidence to get more advice.

      You can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      This Is Abuse team 17/04/2012

  • M

    16/04/2012

    I wasn't raped (never been intimate with a guy), but I kinda understand how scary it is...I struggle with my mental health. I'm 15 now and I have really horrendous, vivid nightmares. They used to just be about being chased and attacked etc, but now they've escallated to the point I'm waking up sobbing from nightmares in which I felt parylised, and a man (I think it's always the same one, I never see his face) is raping me. It never fails to scare me. I woke up from one particularly nasty one, where he abused me within the school grounds so I figure he might be something to do with school? It's crazy...

    Reply

    M - 16/04/2012

  • Daisy

    16/04/2012

    Hi, im 12 and i dont no id it was rape by someone on work experience with maths at my secandry school he asked me if i would go out with him i knew him quite well as he was in my form we walked to my next lesson with my friends and he took me inside and i said we will get into trouble he said trust me the next thing i remember i was naked and was pinned down onto the floor in the loo's he was finguring me i cryed and begged for him to get off me but he didnt my friend came and knocked on the door to see if i was ok he made she ok shes just upset about her grandma dieing then i had a blackout and i woke up and he was moaning wiv enjoyment and white stuff coming from my down below then it was all over i went bck to my friends tgen the one tht knocked said i no ur upset about ur grandma but u will be ok i just ignorened her and even 2 months later i was pregant with his child i went to a orboration centre and told my best friend she came with me and i got rid of the baby but it sounds awful but i had to was i mean for doing this and i dumped him and told my house tutor who had been seeing me since this accored in year 7 and im now in year 8 he promised he would tell my mmum was i right to tell my friend and house tutor ??? i am really scared about hving boyfriends now what shall i do )-:

    Reply

    Daisy - 16/04/2012

    • Hi Daisy

      Thank you for your post and I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      You were right to tell your friend and your teacher. If you want you can also speak to someone in confidence, it is important you get help.

      You can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
      Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

      This Is Abuse team 17/04/2012

  • Anon

    16/04/2012

    Well, I'm a guy, me and my girlfriend had sex when we were 14, just 7 months ago now. For me it was special because I'd only want that to be an experience of total love for the first time, there's meaning in that. However, I sometimes worry if I pressured her into it? Even though we have sex on a regular basis I still worry about this. Whatcha think?

    Reply

    Anon - 16/04/2012

    • It's great that you care about her feelings so much. The best thing to do would be to sit down with her and just ask her to tell you honestly how she feels about it all, and how you can make sure in the future that you're both happy and comfortable with your sex life.

      Elsie - 20/04/2012

  • nom nom chan

    16/04/2012

    I was about 7 or 8 when my uncle used to call me up to his bedroom for computer games. My fathers brother lived with us at one point and would call me up to his room to let me play games on his computer. Then he would sit me down between his legs and on his bits... I used to shift onto his lap because it just didn't feel right to me. I was young and didn't have a clue about sex at the time, but I figured something was out of place there. Then he would complain and make me sit on his bits again and start making noises. I know its not rape, but it scares me that it could have lead to it if I kept going back for the computer games. I dashed out his room and never went near there again.

    Reply

    nom nom chan - 16/04/2012

  • Anonymous

    16/04/2012

    about 7 years ago i was with my partner (not my partner no more oviously) i still remember it very clearly i did keep saying no, is this rape? i thought it was! and that resulted in me having to get the morning after pill. he was my partner and i loved him very much and didnt want to get him into trouble i was only young and so foolishly in love so i told his dad what had happened because i was very close to his dad and he believed me and said its up to you you can go to the police and i will never speak to my son again or you can just leave it and forget about it, i didnt tell the police because i wasnt sure if it was definatly classed as rape, i didnt want my dad to know and i still had very strong feelings for him. i spoke with my ex partner that did it about 6 month ago and we talked and he said to me that he didnt rape me and was denying it which made me not believe it myself because at the end of the day you can just get rid of feelings for somebody that easily so i blamed myself for it, he was telling me that he still loves me and that he wants to be with me but i just need some answers to help me hate him for what he did and get rid of these other feeling that i have for him still.

    Reply

    Anonymous - 16/04/2012

  • Lorna

    16/04/2012

    A man I knew tricked me into taking drugs then initiated sex with me. I told him I was on my period - I wasn't but just didn't want to have sex - so he said we should have anal sex. I said I didn't want to and had never done that and he kept forcefully saying I should until I gave in while I was very out of it on drugs and vulnerable. I kept denying to myself this was abuse (and didn't realize he'd tricked me with the drugs till months later), telling people it was a one night stand and even talking normally to him. Its only recently I've admitted to myself it was something that hurt me and I've gotten counselling but I'm afraid that as I acted normally around him and said it was just sex at the time people won't believe me. Funnily enough he was accused of rape before but people said the girl was lying because she didn't want to be labelled easy.

    Reply

    Lorna - 16/04/2012

  • 16/04/2012

    sa.ghsdgb
    I believe rape is terrible, and i feel so sorry for anyone who has gone through it. However I find this campain hugely bias and sexist. I know someone who a girl had blokes hold him down and she raped him, Also I know of too many cases of false claims by women and it disgusts me, it makes a mockery of this whole campaign, and it too is not dealt with properly. To simply send a person to prison the moment rape is mentioned is stupid because this world has to many liars

    Reply

    16/04/2012

    • This is just a message about the whole false acusations. I was with my ex for a year and during that time it was me (the male) who was being pressued into sex and I didnt want it, i've been brought up with sex being something special and it should only happen when both people are ready and it will mean something. When we broke up, she accused me sleeping with her friend, who even deinied the charges. When that failed she then started to accuse me of rape and went to the police. Now I understand that some girls go through hell and some guys who comit rape don't go to prision, but it's people like this who make police doubt the stories. I'm not having a go because rape should never happen. I'm just giving a point of view from someone who was falsely accused. But that guy who did this to Lorna need to gets sent down! x

      anson94 - 16/04/2012

    • Hi SA.GHSDGB

      Thanks for your feedback. We are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign. We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight.

      This site has lots of information and advice in the ‘your questions’ and ‘need help’ sections for males who have been victims of abuse and those in same sex relationships.
      We work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse and those in gay relationships, which you can view by clicking on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU

      Your second point is about people being falsely accused of rape. This does happen on occasions, however most people who have been raped or sexually assaulted tell the truth.

      In fact most people who have been raped, do not tell anyone because they feel too ashamed and scared. Estimates suggest around 8-10% of all rape complaints are false, and there is no evidence to suggest there are more false rape allegations than false allegations of other offences.

      This Is Abuse team 16/04/2012

    • I agree with you about male victims of abuse however I strongly disagree with what you say about false accusation. Yes they do happen and its terrible when it does but men are not sent to prison as soon as the word rape is mentioned. Most rape claims are not prosecuted and of those that make it to court the vast majority do end with the man found not guilty. All the available evidence suggests that most accusations are true. Of these many false accusations how do you kow they were false unless it was it was proven in court of law? The man who assaulted me had been accused of rape before and everyone believed him not her.

      Lorna - 16/04/2012

  • Honeybee

    16/04/2012

    I have been pressured into things like this, it's not nice, and I didn't know how to prevent it from happening because my boyfriend was a lot stronger than I was ... Does anybody know the kind of stuff you can do or things you can say if you get into a situation where you are being pressured and "No" isn't taken for an answer??

    Reply

    Honeybee - 16/04/2012

  • lisa

    15/04/2012

    i was nearly raped aswell its a awful thing to go through any kind of abuse is crime and they should never get away with it

    Reply

    lisa - 15/04/2012

  • girl

    15/04/2012

    when i was 6 i had a childminder who had a son. he was 10. he knew about sex while i didn't. he forced me to have sex in his tree house. i never realized what happend until i was older. he used to abuse me everyday after school. and i was so confused i never told a soul. a few times i have nearly told my mum, but i cant bring myself to do it. i open my mouth to tell her, but then my throught sort of closes up. theres no point in goining to the police because it was so traumatic that i made myself foget most of it. i have no idea who he is. im 12 now and managed to move on. somtimes i become silent and snappy and i dont show emotions very well. i cry very easily at most insults. my dad doesn't help. he calls me a bitch and makes me clean his house. he doesn't know. he leaves porn around and it reminds me of the abuse. i still hurt, but im trying to move on with my life

    Reply

    girl - 15/04/2012

    • hi darling i have just read your post, things like this have happend to me 4 times by 4 different people, i was in the same boat as you at one point and only had councelling for one of the rapes, but the councellor told me no matter how hard it is to tell your parents you should do it anyway if not for yourself but for his next victims, i know myself how hard it is to speak out about these things because i have had to do it four times, your mum will be upset and angry when you tell her but not at you at the nasty piece of work that did this to you, hope this helps you sweetheart x

      Anonymous - 16/04/2012

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