This website works best using cookies, which are currently enabled. To find out more about cookies and for information on how to turn them off, click here.
This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

If you could see yourself

If you could see yourself, would you see rape?

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape
  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical
  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Controlling Behaviour
  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP
  • Mandem On The Wall
  • Twist and Pulse
  • Charlie McDonnell
  • Bedroom
  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it
  • Sam & Alice
  • Zoe's story
  • Party
  • School
  • Takeaway

Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.

what do you think? share your opinions

Please read and accept these rules on the right before commenting. All of the comments you post on this website are treated confidentially and moderated.

  • This is so we can email you to let you know if there's been any replies to your message. Your email address will never be shown or passed on to anyone.
  • I wish to opt out of notification emails

Pages << < 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 > >>

Results: 300 - 315 of 539

  • Anon

    17/04/2012

    I'm unsure of what this will be classed as, but anyway i want to say my piece. I normally get along with guys more than girls (im a girl) and i made friends with this guy from work. we started talking a lot and one day he invited me out.. he told me to met him at his house, even thou it was far i still went as he was new to the country and didnt know places, so i fought i would pick him up and we would go out for a coffee in which we talked bout. while i was at his house he was reluctant to leave so i stayed a while. we were talking and listening to music in which he was offering a back massage i kept saying no, no its fine i dont want.. he seem a bit offended and told me that in his country he was good at it he had classes (in which i stupidly believed because im gullible) he kept asking so i gave in and said yeah okay.. first everything was outside of the clothing then he claim it would be better under my top, i agree but didnt take my top of.. then he claim that he had some special oil.. i said no at first but then gave in after he asked and asked.. he told me he dont want my top to get oil so take it off.. i hesitated then agree.. i was face down on his bed whilst he was siting on top of my back pining me down.. then he removed my bra.. i didnt say nothing because i could feel the oil getting on it and i fought he was moving it outta the way.. he started to rub my whole back and slyly touch the sides of my boob in which i told him to stay on my back.. he kept on slyly touching it and after a certain amount of times in me telling him not to i just ignored it.. thats when he pushed his hands right underneath my boobs and was cupping them and squeezing.. i was telling him to stop that he should get off me because all his weight was pinning me down from backwards.. he just began talking dirty to me saying how he likes this.. i was trying to push him away and push up from the bed and then he slipped his hand down my shorts and began to finger me i was asking him and begging him to stop as i was a virgin and didnt want to do this with someone i hardly know.. but he continued and pushed me down into the bed.. he then tried to flip me over in which that gave me the opportunity to push him away properly i told him stop i dont want to do this and after around 2 mins of him feeling me up and me protesting he stopped and i ran to the bathroom.. he did check on me to see if i was okayy in which i said yeah but i want to go home.. he told me to the bus station and left.. i called my best friend (also a male) and told him what had happened.. and he told me it was all my fault that i lead him on.. i was so upset about the whole situation that i started to smoke (ive never smoked in my life) and everytime i would remember what had happened i would throw up.. i dont know what this falls under.. can u tell me please.. i still get stomach cramps everytime i think about it and to make it worst we work together and he keeps on poking me or touching me.

    Reply

    Anon - 17/04/2012

    • Hey Anon, I'm a french girl and by internet i came on this page. sorry for my poor english ^^
      so, i read your comment. I can't assure you that is not your fault. yes you're a littel gullible but it doesn't mean that he has the right to do that to you while you don't want to. it's clearly abuse. don't hesitate because you're friend told you that's your fault. lots of boys think that, because you came in a room with them, you have to sleep with. and, anyway, it's not because you want to in the first place that you have to then. It's called respect. and obviously this boy, as your friend don't know it.
      Don't blame yourself please. and ask for help because today, this guy abuse you, he starts at his home, but if you don't tell anything he'll be more confiant and repeat his abuse again, on you or somebody new.
      Believe me, you're juste a good person who believes that world could be great, with loving people. unfortunately, there's a lot evils in the crappy world. Help to get catch one. and change of friend. it's a complete ass.
      To get through this, I can only give a advice : talk et find someone to trust in, really.
      I hope I helped. You remember me, being so nice with everybody. You're lucky this time, but please, be less confiant the next.
      Kisses, hoping you'll be okay again.

      Lyl - 18/04/2012

    • this was absolutely no way your fault, this guy is a nasty individual, and your so called friend is no better, i would report it immediately to your manager and request a transfer and go to the police. this guy clearly had the intention of sex when he invited you over and should have listened when you said no. it was a sexual assault and you should report it.

      anon - 18/04/2012

    • Hello, I was reading your post.

      This isn't OK.

      He abused your trust. This isn't rape as he never penetrated you but it is a serious form of sexual assault and he could be sent to prison. Whatever happened this is not your fault. You told him 'No' that was enough. Your friend was in the wrong for blaming you and I hope he comes to his senses and apologizes! If you feel strong enough I suggest you contact the police, you never know he may try to do this again with someone else or go further next time and i'm sure you would feel devestated if he did this to someone else when you could have prevented this horrible ordeal for them. As for the throwing up and stuff; I'm not surprised, it sounds like you are suffering from shock and you should really tell someone authoritive; maybe a boss? Not only has this guy physically and emotionally hurt you he is now tormenting you with the poking-this isn't OK. There was nothing you could have done to stop what he did and it isn't your fault at all. You Said 'NO'. He ignored you he is completely in the wrong. If you are suffering there is a range of services such as counselling that can help you. Perhaps visit you GP for more advice?

      I'm very sorry this happened to you and I wish you the best luck with moving on (if possible)

      Source :Recent Sexual abuse Victim

      Anonymous - 17/04/2012

  • anonymous

    17/04/2012

    I was with a guy for about a year and i would always go and see him on the weekends. I loved him but he would always shout at me or call me horrible names but i would still go and see him. all my friends and family told me not to as they knew what he was like but i couldnt help it. then one time i went round and we were downstairs and we had to be quiet because his family were asleep. We started hving sex but then he started trying to have anal and i didnt want to but i couldnt move as the sofa was in front of me. He carried on doing it and it was horrible. Afterwards i was shaking and crying he just told me to grow up. I've tried to tell him what he did was wrong but he just says im being disgusting telling him thats what happened. I told my friends but i cant tell my parents. He keeps texting me and wont leave me alone. I dont know what to do. :(

    Reply

    anonymous - 17/04/2012

    • Hi Anonymous

      Thank you for posting and sharing your story. I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you.

      Please be reassured that none of this is your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Being forced to have anal sex consitutes as rape as law states that: rape is when a man forces his penis into the vagina, anus or mouth of another person when that person doesn't want him to do so; the law calls this 'without consent'.

      Just because you are consenting to one sort of sexual activity does not mean you are consenting to everything. Permission is required for each activity.
      You can always withdraw your consent anytime, it's your right to do so.

      You mention that you spoke to your friends about what happened. It might be helpful to also talk to someone in confidence to get more advice.

      You can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      This Is Abuse team 17/04/2012

  • M

    16/04/2012

    I wasn't raped (never been intimate with a guy), but I kinda understand how scary it is...I struggle with my mental health. I'm 15 now and I have really horrendous, vivid nightmares. They used to just be about being chased and attacked etc, but now they've escallated to the point I'm waking up sobbing from nightmares in which I felt parylised, and a man (I think it's always the same one, I never see his face) is raping me. It never fails to scare me. I woke up from one particularly nasty one, where he abused me within the school grounds so I figure he might be something to do with school? It's crazy...

    Reply

    M - 16/04/2012

  • Daisy

    16/04/2012

    Hi, im 12 and i dont no id it was rape by someone on work experience with maths at my secandry school he asked me if i would go out with him i knew him quite well as he was in my form we walked to my next lesson with my friends and he took me inside and i said we will get into trouble he said trust me the next thing i remember i was naked and was pinned down onto the floor in the loo's he was finguring me i cryed and begged for him to get off me but he didnt my friend came and knocked on the door to see if i was ok he made she ok shes just upset about her grandma dieing then i had a blackout and i woke up and he was moaning wiv enjoyment and white stuff coming from my down below then it was all over i went bck to my friends tgen the one tht knocked said i no ur upset about ur grandma but u will be ok i just ignorened her and even 2 months later i was pregant with his child i went to a orboration centre and told my best friend she came with me and i got rid of the baby but it sounds awful but i had to was i mean for doing this and i dumped him and told my house tutor who had been seeing me since this accored in year 7 and im now in year 8 he promised he would tell my mmum was i right to tell my friend and house tutor ??? i am really scared about hving boyfriends now what shall i do )-:

    Reply

    Daisy - 16/04/2012

    • Hi Daisy

      Thank you for your post and I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

      You were right to tell your friend and your teacher. If you want you can also speak to someone in confidence, it is important you get help.

      You can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
      Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

      This Is Abuse team 17/04/2012

  • Anon

    16/04/2012

    Well, I'm a guy, me and my girlfriend had sex when we were 14, just 7 months ago now. For me it was special because I'd only want that to be an experience of total love for the first time, there's meaning in that. However, I sometimes worry if I pressured her into it? Even though we have sex on a regular basis I still worry about this. Whatcha think?

    Reply

    Anon - 16/04/2012

    • It's great that you care about her feelings so much. The best thing to do would be to sit down with her and just ask her to tell you honestly how she feels about it all, and how you can make sure in the future that you're both happy and comfortable with your sex life.

      Elsie - 20/04/2012

  • nom nom chan

    16/04/2012

    I was about 7 or 8 when my uncle used to call me up to his bedroom for computer games. My fathers brother lived with us at one point and would call me up to his room to let me play games on his computer. Then he would sit me down between his legs and on his bits... I used to shift onto his lap because it just didn't feel right to me. I was young and didn't have a clue about sex at the time, but I figured something was out of place there. Then he would complain and make me sit on his bits again and start making noises. I know its not rape, but it scares me that it could have lead to it if I kept going back for the computer games. I dashed out his room and never went near there again.

    Reply

    nom nom chan - 16/04/2012

  • Anonymous

    16/04/2012

    about 7 years ago i was with my partner (not my partner no more oviously) i still remember it very clearly i did keep saying no, is this rape? i thought it was! and that resulted in me having to get the morning after pill. he was my partner and i loved him very much and didnt want to get him into trouble i was only young and so foolishly in love so i told his dad what had happened because i was very close to his dad and he believed me and said its up to you you can go to the police and i will never speak to my son again or you can just leave it and forget about it, i didnt tell the police because i wasnt sure if it was definatly classed as rape, i didnt want my dad to know and i still had very strong feelings for him. i spoke with my ex partner that did it about 6 month ago and we talked and he said to me that he didnt rape me and was denying it which made me not believe it myself because at the end of the day you can just get rid of feelings for somebody that easily so i blamed myself for it, he was telling me that he still loves me and that he wants to be with me but i just need some answers to help me hate him for what he did and get rid of these other feeling that i have for him still.

    Reply

    Anonymous - 16/04/2012

  • Lorna

    16/04/2012

    A man I knew tricked me into taking drugs then initiated sex with me. I told him I was on my period - I wasn't but just didn't want to have sex - so he said we should have anal sex. I said I didn't want to and had never done that and he kept forcefully saying I should until I gave in while I was very out of it on drugs and vulnerable. I kept denying to myself this was abuse (and didn't realize he'd tricked me with the drugs till months later), telling people it was a one night stand and even talking normally to him. Its only recently I've admitted to myself it was something that hurt me and I've gotten counselling but I'm afraid that as I acted normally around him and said it was just sex at the time people won't believe me. Funnily enough he was accused of rape before but people said the girl was lying because she didn't want to be labelled easy.

    Reply

    Lorna - 16/04/2012

  • 16/04/2012

    sa.ghsdgb
    I believe rape is terrible, and i feel so sorry for anyone who has gone through it. However I find this campain hugely bias and sexist. I know someone who a girl had blokes hold him down and she raped him, Also I know of too many cases of false claims by women and it disgusts me, it makes a mockery of this whole campaign, and it too is not dealt with properly. To simply send a person to prison the moment rape is mentioned is stupid because this world has to many liars

    Reply

    16/04/2012

    • This is just a message about the whole false acusations. I was with my ex for a year and during that time it was me (the male) who was being pressued into sex and I didnt want it, i've been brought up with sex being something special and it should only happen when both people are ready and it will mean something. When we broke up, she accused me sleeping with her friend, who even deinied the charges. When that failed she then started to accuse me of rape and went to the police. Now I understand that some girls go through hell and some guys who comit rape don't go to prision, but it's people like this who make police doubt the stories. I'm not having a go because rape should never happen. I'm just giving a point of view from someone who was falsely accused. But that guy who did this to Lorna need to gets sent down! x

      anson94 - 16/04/2012

    • Hi SA.GHSDGB

      Thanks for your feedback. We are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign. We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight.

      This site has lots of information and advice in the ‘your questions’ and ‘need help’ sections for males who have been victims of abuse and those in same sex relationships.
      We work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse and those in gay relationships, which you can view by clicking on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU

      Your second point is about people being falsely accused of rape. This does happen on occasions, however most people who have been raped or sexually assaulted tell the truth.

      In fact most people who have been raped, do not tell anyone because they feel too ashamed and scared. Estimates suggest around 8-10% of all rape complaints are false, and there is no evidence to suggest there are more false rape allegations than false allegations of other offences.

      This Is Abuse team 16/04/2012

    • I agree with you about male victims of abuse however I strongly disagree with what you say about false accusation. Yes they do happen and its terrible when it does but men are not sent to prison as soon as the word rape is mentioned. Most rape claims are not prosecuted and of those that make it to court the vast majority do end with the man found not guilty. All the available evidence suggests that most accusations are true. Of these many false accusations how do you kow they were false unless it was it was proven in court of law? The man who assaulted me had been accused of rape before and everyone believed him not her.

      Lorna - 16/04/2012

  • Honeybee

    16/04/2012

    I have been pressured into things like this, it's not nice, and I didn't know how to prevent it from happening because my boyfriend was a lot stronger than I was ... Does anybody know the kind of stuff you can do or things you can say if you get into a situation where you are being pressured and "No" isn't taken for an answer??

    Reply

    Honeybee - 16/04/2012

  • lisa

    15/04/2012

    i was nearly raped aswell its a awful thing to go through any kind of abuse is crime and they should never get away with it

    Reply

    lisa - 15/04/2012

  • girl

    15/04/2012

    when i was 6 i had a childminder who had a son. he was 10. he knew about sex while i didn't. he forced me to have sex in his tree house. i never realized what happend until i was older. he used to abuse me everyday after school. and i was so confused i never told a soul. a few times i have nearly told my mum, but i cant bring myself to do it. i open my mouth to tell her, but then my throught sort of closes up. theres no point in goining to the police because it was so traumatic that i made myself foget most of it. i have no idea who he is. im 12 now and managed to move on. somtimes i become silent and snappy and i dont show emotions very well. i cry very easily at most insults. my dad doesn't help. he calls me a bitch and makes me clean his house. he doesn't know. he leaves porn around and it reminds me of the abuse. i still hurt, but im trying to move on with my life

    Reply

    girl - 15/04/2012

    • hi darling i have just read your post, things like this have happend to me 4 times by 4 different people, i was in the same boat as you at one point and only had councelling for one of the rapes, but the councellor told me no matter how hard it is to tell your parents you should do it anyway if not for yourself but for his next victims, i know myself how hard it is to speak out about these things because i have had to do it four times, your mum will be upset and angry when you tell her but not at you at the nasty piece of work that did this to you, hope this helps you sweetheart x

      Anonymous - 16/04/2012

  • Eliza

    15/04/2012

    I never thought something like this could happen to someone I know but sadly, last week my closest friend got raped by two men. She came home bleeding the next morning, she had bruises in some places.I tried so hard to convince her to go to the police but she says she just wants to forget it, let go and act like it never happened. I think she's scared that she might be at fault herself because she was drunk that night. The fact that the guys who did this to her won't even face any sort of punishment for this is outrageous and I feel helpless because convincing her to fight for her rights is the hardest thing I'm having to deal with right now. I only hope that no other girl or woman ever decides to let such a horrible crime go unnoticed.

    Reply

    Eliza - 15/04/2012

  • A

    15/04/2012

    While I understand & appreciate the purpose of these adverts, I find them difficult to get away from. I will just be watching tv/listening to Spotify, when an advert depicting rape will come on & remind me what happened, and they completely paralyse me for a while. Thank god this has only happened while I've been on my own, so far. I think this campaign & the info on the website is great, but I feel that the adverts are more likely to affect victims of rape/sexual abuse than anyone else.

    Reply

    A - 15/04/2012

  • Greg

    15/04/2012

    I had a 'friends with benefits' scenario for a couple of months, for when my ex-partner and I wanted some attention and were both drunk. But after a while I wanted to end things, but he didn't. We saw each other in a nightclub, and argued because he wanted one more night together. He kept buying me drinks to get me drunk. He persuaded me to go back to his house and stay the night. He kept trying to kiss me, and eventually I got into his bed, and he asked me if he could have sex with me with me, with 'no' being my reply. However, he was persistent and said that he couldn't respect our friendship if I didn't. He said he didn't want to rape me and needed me to say 'yes'.I felt emotionally pressured, so I said 'yes'. We had oral and anal sex. , but I don't know if I can blame him because I did say 'yes' in the end, and we were friends? He was my friend though.

    Reply

    Greg - 15/04/2012

    • You definitely can't blame the guy, you had a friends with benefits situation which showed you were up for things without too much commitment, seeing him when he was drunk and agreeing to go to his house was all just hinting that you were willing to do it again. Getting into his bed and saying no is sending mixed messages, he was testing you to see if you were just playing hard to get. At the end of the day if you didn't want to say yes you wouldn't be in his bed, so of course you felt emotionally pressured to do so. you don't go to a restaurant and only say yes to your food when your emotionally pressured to do so. Its stories like this that end up causing people pain and suffering, you report it to the police, he spends the next 3 months of a trial wondering if he's going to prison, simply for doing something you've always done together. Whether they end in prosecution or a blank record, the emotional trauma, 'on the fence' accusations like this can cause is huge.

      doctorH - 16/04/2012

Pages << < 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 > >>

Results: 300 - 315 of 539

Terms and conditions of use

Please read and accept these rules below before commenting. All of the comments you post on this website are treated confidentially and moderated.

Stay safe – don't include any personal information in your comments, such as your surname, email address, street address and phone number.

Don't include the personal details of anyone else in your posts (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers or group leaders).

Don't go off topic - keep your comments relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate. People want their opinions to be heard – don't shout them down.

Don't post crude, racist, offensive, violent or vulgar messages to the site.

Treat everyone with respect – even if someone has a different view to your own, don't let it get personal.

Don't glamorise illegal or dangerous activities, including violence of any kind. It's ok to talk about your experiences but you shouldn't encourage others to do anything illegal or dangerous.

Don't write anything that's untrue about anyone else (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers, group leaders and famous people). Don't write anything that could harm anyone else's reputation.

This isn't a dating site – it's a platform to talk about teenage relationship abuse and your opinions on the matter; don't use it to meet or flirt with other people.

Don't write everything in CAPS – it's the equivalent of shouting and isn't polite or easy for everyone to read.

Don't post entire messages in text speak – it's ok to shorten some words but not everyone understands text speak or finds it easy to read.

It's ok to post links to other websites as long as they're relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate and don't break the house rules in any way.

Don't break copyright rules. This means that you shouldn't post text you didn't write.