This website works best using cookies, which are currently enabled. To find out more about cookies and for information on how to turn them off, click here.
This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

HAVE YOUR SAY

Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships

If you've got something you'd like to talk about regarding any kind of relationship abuse, come and Have Your Say on our message board.

Have a read through the discussion boards, the chances are you'll be able to talk with someone who's gone through similar experiences to your own.

Seen the ads? What do you think?

TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS

If you've got something to say about abuse in relationships then you'll need to accept our terms before you can take part - please see our rules on the right side of the page. You can then enter your comments below or under any video you want to talk about.

  • This is so we can email you to let you know if there's been any replies to your message. Your email address will never be shown or passed on to anyone.
  • I wish to opt out of notification emails

Pages << < 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 > >>

Results: 120 - 135 of 2084

  • Unknown

    15/03/2014

    Hiya,
    A group of boys at school have been sending round naked photos saying they're me when it's not! I've never sent any to anyone! People are constantly making comments about me now and laughing behind my back, I'm loosing friends over this and I really don't know what to do! Can you help me please! Thank you so much

    Unknown - 15/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi
      Thank you for your message, it is good that you are trying to get help. It must be horrible to have this happen.
      Have you told anyone about this? Perhaps you can tell someone at school - a teacher you trust who can help? I know it is hard to talk about, but the quicker you tell them, the sooner they can make it stop.

      There is some info on this site, if you scroll to the bottom there is a question about images being sent round school. Childline can get involved and help you get them taken down if they have been put online.

      You have done nothing wrong, the teachers should be able to act and confiscate phones with the image on and delete it. You can always talk to us on our live chat every mon-fri between 5-7 and childline also have a live chat. You don't have to cope with this alone,
      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      http://www.childline.org.uk/explore/onlinesafety/pages/sexting.aspx

      This is Abuse team - 19/03/2014

  • Charlie

    15/03/2014

    I am 37, I have survived a physical and mental relationship and also a sexual assault when i was a teenager by a family member , but since then I have not been able to have a steady relationship....I know this is due to me having major trust and commitment issues (the trust issue is obvious) I want to be able to trust men and no longer use them to satisfy my carnal needs.....any advice on how? without going through therapy (which i have done extensively)

    Charlie - 15/03/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Charlie,

      I am really sorry that you were assaulted and that the ongoing impact is so painful. I am pleased that you have decided to keep seeking help even though you don’t feel therapy is any longer useful.

      There is an organisation called NAPAC that supports people abused in childhood. You mention that you were a teenager but not how old. If you wanted to contact them you can call their helpline on 0800 085 3330 or 0808 801 0331. If you prefer you can email them support@napac.org.uk.

      The other organization that you may want to contact is Rape Crisis, you can call them on 0808 802 999.

      Take Care,

      Brian

      This is Abuse team 18/03/2014

  • sharni

    15/03/2014

    i was in a 6 month relationship with this guy the first 2 months were great loving and caring took me home every time i went to visit him, i was 16 years old i was in sixth form wanting to past my exams and everything to go to uni, 3 to 4 months came by he became more aggressive with things like telling me what to wear cover myself up so no one else looked at me, no makeup, i wasn't allowed to talk to my friends, as soon as i stuck up for myself he would pull my hair and get in my face and ask ''what did you just say to me'' i could not say anything back to him he scared me he was bigger then me i was scared what he would do if i said anything back, nothing i said, 5 months came by he started to push me, told me to stop seeing my family and go and see him if i didn't he would come by the door as soon as i stood outside the door he would grab me push me to the wall and say ''why didn't you come when i told you too'' i banged my head on a nail that was on the wall, it left me with a lump on my head even so a scar i lost some memory aswell so i cant remember everything,he told me when to go to my sixth form if i didn't he would come and find me and drag me out by my hair, i never told anyone till my mum noticed something was wrong she thought i could look after myself, he started to hit me not in the face because he didn't want to get caught he could kick me in the ribs legs he could cut come parts of my body, i had that for the rest of our 5 to 6 months i was so scared of him i couldn't get out as he lived down the road from him, after we broke up i was in a park one day with some friends and he showed up he brought me alcoholic drinks even tho i was 17 at this point and yes we nearly got in trouble, but also what was strange was he gave me a roll up without me asking for it, there was something in it , it made me feel the world was spinning i went all blurry and weak tired, i couldn't do anything, next thing i found out i had my vision back and we was in some woods place and i was laying on the floor with him holding me down one as soon as i got my vision back or as i cal it woke up he held me by the neck i was finding it hard to breathe i still felt weak he forced me to have sex with him it was horrible i was fighting so hard but i couldn't scream for help then i lacked out and i cant remember the rest, all i know is i got scars on me,.

    i turn 18 i meet this other guy sweet, gentle, lovely man, only this time its emotional abuse lucky i can deal with this one, he took my money, he would get in my face, make me feel guilty, made me out to be the bad person, used my weakness to get what he wanted.

    please please please if anyone man or woman gets into this type of relationship please leave them early or get someone to help you and when you finally get there don't be afraid to find the right guy/girl they are not always abusers im nearly a 20 year old woman and im happy im even the man in my relationship :)

    sharni - 15/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Sharni
      Thanks for your message. It sounds like you have had two very scary and difficult relationships.
      I am glad you are in a happy relationship now but just want to check you are safe and not in contact with the other two guys?
      Also, how are you feeling about what happened? Abuse can have long lasting impacts and can affect how we feel in other relationships. If you feel you need support, there are lots of organisations and support groups that can help. Details of some of them are on our website.
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 19/03/2014

  • Clara

    15/03/2014

    I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 months now, but i've known him for a little over a year. We've had sex before and it was good but it starts to hurt after a while, and i'll still hurt the next day, even if i dont want to and tell him i don't he'll still try to have sex with me. He tries to rip my clothes off of me but i just push him off and put them back on. He even once tried it when it was my time off the month!? But i wouldn't let him. I stayed at his house last night and when all of his family went to sleep he got on top of me and tried to have sex with me, i told him that i didn't want to but he wouldn't stop trying, he kept trying to move my shorts and underwear out of the way and kept trying to force himself into me. I begged him to stop repeatedly but he wouldn't listen, he had put his whole weight on me and was holding my hands down above me. This went on for about 45 minutes and i was holding back my tears, it was pitch black so we couldn't see anything. He eventually stopped and i heard him ask himself what he was doing, he lay next to me and he started crying and kept appologising. But 25 mins later he tried again, but i wouldn't let him, he stopped and i rolled away from him and waited till i heard him fall asleep before i did because i was worried in case he tried again, i wanted to run out the house but didnt want to wake him. I don't know what to do, im scared to see him again but i work with him, i cant avoid him. He's always been a bit rough and tried putting his hand down my pants even when i dont want him to. I love him, but i dont think i'll be able to look at him in the same way, i'll never forget it.

    Clara - 15/03/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Clara,

      I am glad that you decided to get in touch. What your boyfriend has been doing is really not ok and sounds upsetting and frightening. From what you said it seems you were already worried about him being rough with you and not listening when you said no but that things are now worse. None of what he has done is your fault. Sexual contact without consent is abusive and a criminal offence.

      I think it would be a really good idea for you to talk to someone about what has been happening. Rape Crisis have a helpline 0808 802 9999 that you could call. Alternatively you could call Women’s Aid on 0808 2000 247.

      I really hope you decide to talk it through with someone.

      Take Care,

      Brian

      This is Abuse team 18/03/2014

  • Chlo

    15/03/2014

    I was in a relationship last week and my boyfriend asked me to go round his and chill so I went round and we was listening to music and then he was asking me to do all these things with him, he tried to take my top of etc so I said no but he kept asking then when I left his I got told that when I left he met up with a girl and done stuff with her then later that night he text me saying it's over e wants a sexual relationship etc. I went to school the next day and my friend told me that the stuff he did with that girl was true. This is a boy who before we was going out was asking me to send pictures to him. Everyone knows I'm not with him but when I was at netball my "best" friend asked the etcher where our hoodies were then my friend turns around and goes YOUR . Has got them so I was so angry I blew at her but I didn't mean to. I want to speak to him and ask him if it's true what he did but I can't bring myself to do it I see him at school and my heart just sinks I can't deal with it. I don't know

    Chlo - 15/03/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Chlo,

      Thanks for your post. I am glad you are not in this relationship anymore. I am really sorry to hear that he tried to force sexual activity with you even when you had said no, it really was not ok for him to keep trying even though you had said no. If you want to talk about this with someone you can either contact one of our advisors on live chat between 5pm and 7pm on week nights, or speak with a counsellor at Childline on 0800 1111.

      It sounds as though you are hurt and angry about what has happened. Is there an adult that you trust that you can talk to about it? A teacher or perhaps one of your parents? Talking with someone can really help to work through how you are feeling now.

      Take Care,

      Brian

      This is Abuse team 18/03/2014

  • Jayne

    15/03/2014

    Hi, three years ago when I was 15 I started talking to this boy, he was 18. he moved into a house near me. Me and my friends started talking to him and we all became friends. Getting to the point, there was this one day it was just me and him on our own at his house, we were just listening to music and playing games on our phones. Then he grabbed my arm and tried to pull me into his room. I kept saying no I don't want to but he was much stronger than me and pulled me in. I was crying saying stop but he wouldn't listen. He then got on top of me so I couldn't get away. He was putting his hands all over me and shining the torch of his phone in my face laughing at me. He was doing more stuff like pulling my hair and pinching my arms, he was deliberately trying to make me cry. It went on for about 15 minutes then I managed to push him off me and run out. I had to go to a field near my house because I couldn't go home in that state. But now I'm 18 and just can't forget what happened. I've never had a boyfriend since that because I think I'm just too scared of what might happen.

    Jayne - 15/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Jayne,

      Thanks for coming forward to talk about your experience. It sounds like it was a really horrible ordeal for you.

      Nobody has the right to touch you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, and what he did was sexual assault and if you wanted to report this to the police then you could.

      However, from what you have said it seems that what you need most at the moment is some form of emotional support. I would recommend speaking to Rape Crisis to see if there are any counselling services in your area that will be able to assist you with support. Their number is 0808 802 9999.

      If you would like to talk to us more about what happened then we are running Live Chat Monday to Friday 5pm until 7pm on the website.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 17/03/2014

  • luc

    15/03/2014

    The latest advert on television are just inappropriate and ineffective

    luc - 15/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Luc,

      Thanks for your comment. I'm sorry that you feel like that, we have had a huge positive response from the ads. However, please feel free to share why you do not think they are helpful or appropriate.

      Thanks,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 16/03/2014

  • Sarah

    14/03/2014

    I need some help ! My 16 year old son is out of control ! He has no resect for anyone ! Everyone in the house is scared of him ! From the minute he wakes up he is shouting at me , telling me how useless i am and threating me ! My parter is on the verge of leaving as he cant cope with his behaver anymore ! I am sad to say that any love i had for my child has now gone ! I dont know wot to do ! We do everything for our son only nothing is ever good enought ! Please help !!!

    Sarah - 14/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Sarah,

      Thanks for coming forward to talk about this. It must be really tough for you and your partner.

      It might be helpful for you to have a chat with a professional about what is going on, I would recommend Parentline Plus on 0808 800 2222, or the Respect Phoneline on 0808 802 4040.

      Unfortunately, nobody is going to be able to make your son change the way he is behaving, he has to choose to do that himself, and it doesn't sound like he is willing to do that at the moment.

      If you ever feel at risk then it is best that you call the Police, I know this can be difficult, but the law will offer you protection.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 16/03/2014

  • By The Way

    14/03/2014

    "Rape is when a male forces his penis..." This is incorrect. Women can rape people too, it's just less likely and almost never talked about. I think that you should change this to be more general and accurate. Thank you for your time.

    By The Way - 14/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi,

      Thanks for your post. The information you gave is incorrect. Under UK law rape is penetration of the mouth, anus or vagina with a penis. UK law does not recognise that women can rape, the law in which women perform sexual acts is classed as sexual assault.

      Thanks,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 16/03/2014

  • Amelia

    14/03/2014

    I was in an abusive relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years, He was always controlling and angry, he would stop me seeing people including my family, take my phone, monitor my texts and facebook account. He once smashed my laptop up with a golf club. On one occasion at 11 weeks pregnant he punched my tummy and hit me in the head with a steel toe capped boot and at this point i lift him and reported the incident. Because I came out about the incident social services are involved with our baby, and I did the 12 week freedom programme at WISH. I got a court injunction however it is now removed and we are trying to make our relationship work. We have now been together again for 2 months, I am thirty weeks pregnant with the same baby and he does seem to have changed, he is thoughtful, kind and doesn't show any of the signs of being abusive that he did last time. I absolutely adore this guy, I love him with all my heart but the only thing that bothers me is he still wont apologise for all he put me through, he wont accept it at all and makes me feel stupid and abit like im not deserving of an apology... should i leave it be, he is behaving correctly now maybe he just wants to have his pride and leave his past in the past or hes in denial.. but something inside me says what about my pride, what about all ive been through for 3 years and the fact that i still love you and stand by you? should i really be so fixated on getting an apology from him or should i just move on like he has and make the most of his new nice side?

    Amelia - 14/03/2014

    Reply
    • I suggest you keep your mind open to both possibilities - maybe your boyfriend wants to make amends but is too proud to admit his mistake. Alternatively he hasn't changed. For the second option please google "hovering" which relates to emotional abuse and make sure you keep a tab on anything you can recognise here so that you are not taken by shock in the end.

      Yasminemile - 17/03/2014

    • Hi Amelia,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like you're in a difficult situation.

      Unfortunately you cannot make him do something, it has to be his choice, and it sounds like he is not willing to apologise. It sounds like he put you through a lot. Has he thought about addressing his behaviour? If so, he might want to contact Respect on 0808 802 4040.

      Have you thought about what you will do if his behaviour does change? It might be worth visiting www.womensaid.org.uk and taking a look at some of the safety planning information in the Survivor's Handbook. It's important to note that violence often increases after the birth of a child.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 16/03/2014

  • livvy

    14/03/2014

    I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months now and he is aware that I was sexually assaulted in my past and as a result sometimes I dont want to have sex yet I feel I cant say no because saying no makes me feel vulnerable and scared because of past events. My boyfriend knows that I have this fear of saying no and he also knows i have had sex with him before when i didnt want to. He claims he feels guilty for this but then he tries to have sex with me even though he knows I dont want to by my body language and he tries repeatedly so sometimes we have sex even though i didnt want to and he knew i didnt and i didnt give consent but because i havent actually spoken the word no I dont know if his behavior is excusable or not.

    livvy - 14/03/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Livvy,

      Thank you for your message. I’m pleased you have posted here, it’s brave of you to share what is happening in your relationship. What you boyfriend is doing is not excusable and is against the law. I can hear how hard you are finding this situation. There is support you can access to help you with this.

      From your message it sounds like your partner is raping you, as he is having sex with you when he knows you don’t consent. You have already experienced sexual assault in the past and you have discussed this with your boyfriend. You have also told him that you do not want to have sex. He is aware that you are not consenting and he is aware of your feelings of vulnerability, but has not respected them. You do not have to say no to not consent to sex, body language can be enough. You can look on this website for more information about consent and rape.

      http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/consentandconsequences/123-sex-consent-.html

      http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/rapeampsexualviolence2.php

      Do you know anyone you could talk to about this, friends, family or a trusted adult? If you don’t feel able to talk to anyone you know? If not I would encourage you to call Rape Crisis to talk about this, they are an organisation who specialise in working with women and girls who have suffered sexual violence and trauma. They can talk with you in a confidential and non-judgemental setting. You can reach them on 0808 802 (12 –2.30 & 7 – 9.30 everyday). You may also want to call the national domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 2/47 and discuss your relationship with them, as you are being sexually abused by your boyfriend.

      We have live chat 5-7 weeknights if you would like to talk about this more with one of our advisors.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 16/03/2014

  • Em

    14/03/2014

    Just to everyone who is going through physical and mental abuse, im a survivor of many accounts of abuse as iv commented on here a few times before, be strong, its never ok to be treat like rubbish and abused by family, boyfriends or girlfriends, husbands or wives, chins up, you can all get through this as I have and many others I know, there is still hope, dont stay with an abusive partner just because your scared of them or even if you think its the right thing to do because you will always find help no matter where you go, in the most unlikely places, I was beaten, raped, mentally abused, punished for being me by alot of people, but remember to hold your head high because their is still hope for everyone and anyone, peace out x

    Em - 14/03/2014

    Reply
  • Kim

    14/03/2014

    I'm not sure if my relationship is abusive or not.
    I'm nearly 17 and my boyfriend is 16 and I've been with him for nearly 2 months now and at first it was great! I fell for him straight away and we were getting along awesomely! It's only a week or so ago that things started to go a bit wrong. He likes to know where I am going and who I'm with all the time I'm not with him and he tells me what I can and can't wear when I go out with him and even when I'm not with him. It's getting to the point now where I am unsure of what to say or do or wear ect just in case it upsets him and he has a go at me. We've been arguing a lot recently over little things like what I eat and stuff like that. He's never ever hit me and I believe he never will but I'm just not sure whether the other stuff he does is abuse or not. Please help?
    Thank you.
    Kim :(

    Kim - 14/03/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Kim,

      Thank you for your message. I’m pleased you have posted here, it’s brave of you to share what is happening in your relationship.

      Your boyfriend is being abusive. All the things you describe in your message are abuse. No one should make another person feel frightened of them or try to control what a person eats, wears or does. You deserve to be able to live your life freely without having to worry about your partner’s reaction to things. Domestic abuse is not just violence, it’s about control too and it sounds like your partner is being very controlling and verbally abusive.

      Do you know anyone you could talk to about this, friends, family or a trusted adult? If you don’t feel able to talk to anyone you know I would encourage you to call the 24 -hour domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247. You can speak to them about how you are feeling and what options you could take next. You can also look on this website:

      http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/relationship/

      We have a live chat 5-7 weeknights if you would like to talk about this more with one of our advisors.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 16/03/2014

  • -

    14/03/2014

    Hi. I was in a sad excuse of a relationship for 2 years. At first I thought I was doing the right things to make the relationship work which was not the case and now I am left feeling so low with no confidence. Everything was fine for the first year then he turned into a control freak and I was constantly doing what he said because he made me feel like there was no one else and that was how I deserved to be treated. It turned really nasty at the end and I was constantly being called horrible names, shouted at for being late and being made to do things I didn't want to do and either having no choice or being forced to leave. He started to take pictures of me then threaten me with them but there was nothing I could do because he would get violent. I was just doing what I was told because I was scared, I knew I should of left sooner but the damage is done now and I don't want to feel like this anymore

    - - 14/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hello,

      Thank you for your message. I can hear that your confidence and self-esteem have been really affected by the abusive relationship you were in. You have done a strong thing by ending that relationship, it took massive courage when he was being so frightening.

      Do you know anyone you could talk to about this, friends, family, or someone else in your life? If you don’t feel able to talk to anyone you know I would encourage you to call the 24 -hour domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247. You can speak to them about how you are feeling and what options you could take next. You can also look on this website: www.womensaid.org.uk for services in your area. From your message it sounds like your ex sexually abused you and violated your privacy by sharing photographs of you. I would encourage you to call Rape Crisis to talk about this, they are an organisation who specialise in working with women and girls who have suffered sexual violence and trauma. They can talk with you in a confidential and non-judgemental setting. You can reach them on 0808 802 (12 –2.30 & 7 – 9.30 everyday).

      It sounds like you need some support to help you recover from what you went through. Many people feel like you do after being in an abusive relationship, it’s a normal reaction. There is help out there for you to access, you deserve that support.

      We have a live chat 5-7 weeknights if you would like to talk about this more with one of our advisors.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 16/03/2014

  • ShanLou

    14/03/2014

    Ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 9 months and for about 4 months hes decided to blaim me for everything, its my fault the washing hasnt been done and its my fault if theres washing up, i dont know if the way he speaks to me is classed as mental abuse. It doesnt help that i might be pregnant so dont really need the stress. He has in 3 occasions tried to push me out our flat and has reduced me to tears too many times. I dont know if he is just miserable or if he wants control as he constantly puts blaim on me and has kicked me til i was pushed off our bed, im not scared im just worried.

    ShanLou - 14/03/2014

    Reply
    • Dear ShanLou,

      Thank you for your message. I can hear how stressed the way your partner is treating you is making you feel, and how the fact you think you may be pregnant is adding to that. Your partner is being abusive and I’m pleased you have felt able to post here and seek support.

      Your partner is blaming you for things that are not your fault, pushing you, kicking you and making speaking to you in ways that are making you upset. These are all types of abuse – the way you are being treated is not ok. The fact that you think you may be pregnant may be adding to your worries, as you may now be feeling like you have less option to leave the relationship if you are. Your partner is behaving on a controlling and abusive way to you and it’s understandable that you are worried. Domestic abuse can sometimes get worse when a woman is pregnant, so if you find out you are it might be a further reason to seek some support.

      Have you spoken to anyone on your life about this – friends or family? If you can’t speak to someone you know perhaps you can talk to the national helpline on 0808 2000 247. The more support you have the easier it will be for you to decide what to do next. I cab hear you are confused by the way your partners actions, but the way he is treating you isn’t right and is having an affect on your life. You might want to have a look at this website below for more information.

      www.womensaid.org.uk

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 16/03/2014

Pages << < 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 > >>

Results: 120 - 135 of 2084

Terms and conditions of use

Please read and accept these rules below before commenting. All of the comments you post on this website are treated confidentially and moderated.

Stay safe – don't include any personal information in your comments, such as your surname, email address, street address and phone number.

Don't include the personal details of anyone else in your posts (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers or group leaders).

Don't go off topic - keep your comments relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate. People want their opinions to be heard – don't shout them down.

Don't post crude, racist, offensive, violent or vulgar messages to the site.

Treat everyone with respect – even if someone has a different view to your own, don't let it get personal.

Don't glamorise illegal or dangerous activities, including violence of any kind. It's ok to talk about your experiences but you shouldn't encourage others to do anything illegal or dangerous.

Don't write anything that's untrue about anyone else (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers, group leaders and famous people). Don't write anything that could harm anyone else's reputation.

This isn't a dating site – it's a platform to talk about teenage relationship abuse and your opinions on the matter; don't use it to meet or flirt with other people.

Don't write everything in CAPS – it's the equivalent of shouting and isn't polite or easy for everyone to read.

Don't post entire messages in text speak – it's ok to shorten some words but not everyone understands text speak or finds it easy to read.

It's ok to post links to other websites as long as they're relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate and don't break the house rules in any way.

Don't break copyright rules. This means that you shouldn't post text you didn't write.