HAVE YOUR SAY
Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships
If you've got something you'd like to talk about regarding any kind of relationship abuse, come and Have Your Say on our message board.
The chances are you'll be able to talk with someone who's gone through similar experiences to your own.
Seen the ads? What do you think?
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Is controlling who a partner sees or speaks to abuse?
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Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.
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Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.
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Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?
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Is bullying, controlling and putting a partner down abuse?
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Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you've got something to say about abuse in relationships then you'll need to accept our terms before you can take part - please see our rules on the right side of the page. You can then enter your comments below or under any video you want to talk about.
Megan
17/03/2013
I'm 14, and been with my boyfriend for 17 months.
At the start it was so good, then, he started cheating on me with atleast 11 other girls.
Not long after he started threatening me, and hitting me, pushing me, blackslapping me and more.
I don't love him anymore but I'm scared to leave him:( he's threw my phone so many times, always accusing me of cheating when I'm scared too :( I need help. He's ruining my childhood!
Megan - 17/03/2013
ReplyHi Megan
Thanks for getting in touch.
Please understand that abuse is wrong and never okay. If you’re suffering from physical abuse, signs of which can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour, it’s very important to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Simone
16/03/2013
I'm 13, and quite a few boys in my form fancy me.. But a few take it too far, two feel me up... They often do it, and one frequently sticks his hand up my shirt... Another takes it a bit further. He does the same stuff but also slaps my butt and air-humps me. He also sometimes grabs me and takes off my shirt and trousers.. But the last one takes it really far.. He feels me up a lot. But he also does other stuff.. He trapped me in a corner once and started fingering me, he made me give him a blowjob, he once followed me into a toilet, stripped me and made me give him a handjob and a blowjob, while he fingered me and felt me up.. But the worst time was when I walked past a public toilet and he pulled me inside, then took off my trousers and panties and inserted.. He was wearing a condom. What do I do? He makes me have sex with him all the time!!
Simone - 16/03/2013
ReplyHi Simone,
Thanks for your message. You really need to speak up and tell someone about what is happening to you. Sex under 16 is illegal, and both sexual assault and rape are crimes.
We would urge you to find someone you trust to talk to, your parents, a teacher, a youth worker; if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
Chloe
15/03/2013
I've been raped a few times.. It's not good. The first time, I was out in town with a few friends, and one boy felt me up a bit, had his hand up my shirt until I stopped him. After that he took my phone and when I went to get it, he'd gone into an alley and it was quite dark. I went in and he grabbed me, pulled down my panties and skirt and started fingering me. My friend came in, saw, turned to get help and some other boys who were friends of the one fingering me were there. They grabbed her, stripped her naked and started to rape her, than the boy fingering me inserted and I started crying, it was horrible. They stopped and threatened to tie us up naked and rape us more if we didn't let them have sex with us every weekend, and they do now, me and my friend feel like sluts. I went to another friend for advice and she (she's way stronger than me) just felt me up, saying I'd enjoy it cos I was a slut. What do I do?
Chloe - 15/03/2013
ReplyHi Chloe,
Thanks for your message.
We are really sorry to hear about these distressing incidents from your past.
We think it is very important that even though this may have happened some time ago, you should speak to a trusted adult about your experiences.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is totally unacceptable. Both rape and sexual assault are crimes and should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.
If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If, like your friend, they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, no problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
hannah
14/03/2013
When I was 20 I was staying at my brothers house because It was his birthday and his friend was there too.
When I was sleeping his friend came in and sat on my bed. He woke me up and said take your clothes off I told him to go away. So he pulled my trousers down and put himself in me and now I have a 12 year old daughter and I'm still afraid of sex
hannah - 14/03/2013
ReplyHi Hannah, thanks for your post.
We are so sorry to hear about this distressing incident from your past. We think it is really important that even though this may have happened some time ago, you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.
Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a crime and it should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.
If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a a parent or other relative, a close friend or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
Faith
14/03/2013
Abuse usually starts off slow! If your bf/gf shows even small, subtle signs of verbal abuse, point it out or ask why he said it.
If you have a lower self esteem than you did before you started dating him, that's also a bad sign. However, if it's small, you shouldn't yell or anything when confronting him, because it is possible that he was joking or being immature, or you're more insecure and feel vunerable in a relationship.
It's also important to remember that any time someone insults you, it's their opinion, not a fact. If it gets worse, it's a reallyyy good idea to see a counciler at school or call a hotline, tell them the situation, and they'll give you good advice.
Faith - 14/03/2013
ReplyFatima :)
14/03/2013
I DONT THINK ITS GOOD FOR PEOPLE TO RAPE EACHOTHER :(
Fatima :) - 14/03/2013
Replyfernando
13/03/2013
hello im a relly young person im 14 years old and i like to know if some one can help me because every time that i try to tell my parents about people picking on me in school i just feel afraid what they going to say or do and im asking for your help because i wanna be free to speak to my dad & mum please help me give advise what should i do because i feel like losing my parents
fernando - 13/03/2013
ReplyHi Fernando,
Thanks for your message.
We’re sorry to hear that you’re being picked on at school. Unfortunately, bullying can be quite common.
If you are being bullied you’ve taken that first step by messaging us. What you need to do is try and find someone you trust to talk to, even if you find this difficult to do. And if you have difficulty talking about your experiences directly, you could write it all down for your parents or someone else you trust to read.
It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem in confidence. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
You can also contact Beat Bullying on www.beatbullying.org. They provide advice to help young people who are being bullied either face to face or online.
Julia
13/03/2013
I am 14 just turning 15, and during my high school years I have been given a name as something I am not. I lost a member of my family and went down hill.
I started going out with guys much older than me, and all they wanted was sex .... but at the time nothing bothered me I was depressed I got lead on easy. So one day I did, thought yeah why not? BIG MISTAKE I now get called a slut a whore and everything under the sun.
If you go into a sexual relationship, think first! Yes condoms are a form of contraception but they can split! Have sex when you want too not when you feel you have too!
Julia - 13/03/2013
ReplyHi Julia, thanks for your post.
We’re sorry to hear that you’re being bullied and if you are feeling depressed you need to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. There are people who understand, and who can help you deal with the problems you are going through.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
The Samaritans may also be able to help, take a look at their website at http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ or email jo@samaritans.co.uk. You can also call the Samaritans helpline on 08457 909090.
Miike
13/03/2013
Anyone can experience domestic abuse. It's not limited by gender, race, sexuality, ethnic or religious group, class, disability or lifestyle. Domestic abuse can occur within extended families and involve other family members, including children.
At least one-in-four women experience domestic violence in their lifetime, and during the last year 4.2 per cent of men and 7.5 per cent of women were estimated to have experienced domestic violence.
Although less than half of all incidents are reported to the police, they still receive one domestic violence call every minute in the UK.
I feel your campain is one sided showing one gender profile and diversity dictates that everyone can be abused and this should acknowledged.
Miike - 13/03/2013
ReplyThanks for your feedback.
We are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign. We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight. To be clear, the objective of this campaign is to help both boys and girls spot the signs of abuse in relationships and raise awareness of what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour. This site has lots of information and advice in the ‘your questions’ and ‘need help’ sections for males who have been victims of abuse and those in same sex relationships. It’s good that the campaign is prompting you to ask questions and seek more information.
We work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse and those in gay relationships, which you can view by clicking on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
We have also produced a video in partnership with Broken rainbow which is intended to provide advice and signpost help for LGBT victims of domestic violence.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U0ZJFdxCtg&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=2&feature=plcp
Charlotte
13/03/2013
Can abuse only happen to females in relationships then?
My uncle was in an abusive relationship for years, it was only last year we found out something was wrong.
My uncle wanted a divorce but was bullied into staying.
I never could of imagined he could of been bullied by anyone, he was a grown man- but he came to my dad in tears.
Apparently he had found out he was gay and that is how she bullied him into staying.
I don't know.
I wish everyone could feel like they have a voice to ask for help. Not be like my uncle and just let it happen and be pushed around.
I think being a relationship makes it hard because it is the person you are closest to.
I dislike that people can be bullied with sexual abuse, it sickens me. Turning something wonderful like love into a way to punish someone.
I still don't think my uncle has the support he needs, he is so quiet. He is embarrassed and different to how I remember him.
Charlotte - 13/03/2013
ReplyHI Charlotte
Thanks for getting in touch. If you are concerned about your uncle, you may want to pass on the following information aimed at a a male who is experiencing domestic abuse, please contact the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327 or log-on to their website at: http://www.mensadviceline.org.uk/mens_advice.php .
Hannah
12/03/2013
I was wondering if I have been abused.A
bout a year ago I had a boyfriend and he was very pushy and always wanted me to do stuff to him and I said no but one day he pushed me on the floor and pinned me down holding my wristes and had his legs on my knees so I couldn't move he then kept calling me names in my face over and over.
I don't know whether he was being serious but be really hurt my wrists I told him to stop because it was hurting me but he didn't let go it lasted for around 5-10 minutes until I had the chance to kick him bewtween the legs and jumped up.
I don't think he ever knew how upset I was and that it physically hurt me was this abuse ??
Hannah - 12/03/2013
ReplyHi Hannah
Thanks for getting in touch.
Abuse is wrong and never okay. If you’re suffering from physical abuse, and signs can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour, it’s important to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).
You can also hear from a survivor of domestic violence here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a8fsrPEaYQ&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=3&feature=plcp
Anne
11/03/2013
It's been over 2 years now that I ended an abusive relationship. I've learned a lot and I am much stronger than I've ever been before and ever would be if this had never happened.
But I still haven't found closure, it still affects me most days and I don't feel comfortable even thinking about starting a new relationship.
I feel I have to talk about it. But I don't need professional help, tried that.. I don't want to talk about it with friends or family, done that. I wan't them to see me as I am now, strong! They don't know what it's like and they only feel sorry for me and see me as a victim. But I'm not a victim anymore.
What I wan't is talk about it with people that know exactly how I feel, what I've been through and how I feel now. If anyone knows a group where you can talk about it or starts one, let me know...
Anne - 11/03/2013
ReplyHi Anne,
Thanks for your post.
If you want to talk to someone about your experience take a look at our Need Help page for a list of organisations who can help you - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help
You can also call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) for support, or log-on to Women's Aid's Survivors' Message board: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=0001000100080021§ionTitle=Survivors+Forum.
Jane
11/03/2013
I am trying to end an abusive relationship but I'm unsure how to do it. I've broken it off before but we always end up back together.
This time I want to do it for good but I don't have the confidence or the words.
Jane - 11/03/2013
ReplyHi Jane,
Thank you for posting.
It can be very hard to leave an abusive relationship - no matter what kind. It’s also very important to leave the relationship safely. There are many reasons why people don't feel they can leave.
Fear is a huge one, also uncertainty about what to do/who can help. Some people may not realise that they are being abused and not even be looking for help.
A big factor in not leaving can simply be love. Love is such a powerful emotion it can overrule anything else. If you are still in contact with this person, we would urge you to think about completing a safety plan like this: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/47-keeping-safe-in-an-unhealthy-relationship.html
Amelia
11/03/2013
This website is brilliant. Thank you to the people who started it.
I was with my first boyfriend from the age of 18. He was abusive, bullying, said "look at you, how can I fancy you when you look like that", used to go through my phone and hit the roof if there were any messages from my male friends, or even my boss on there. He filmed me and him sleeping together without me knowing and threatened to put it on facebook. And threatened to kill himself when I split up with him.
Now I am in a lovely relationship with a lovely bloke and I know what it is like to be appreciated and loved.
there is not enough awareness about teenage relationships out there. People do not tend to know how relationships should be like and put up with more from their first relationship as they think that it is normal. It is not. No one should be put through an abusive relationship, it has more long term effects that you would ever think at the time.
if you're unhappy in a relationship, then end it. Do not be afraid of what the person may do, or how they might react. Act in your own best interests because once you do, you'll realise how stress free and lovely life should be.
Amelia - 11/03/2013
ReplyChantelle
11/03/2013
The best thing I would say is if You're not happy just up and leave don't live in a fake happy relationship. It isn't good for anyone.
Chantelle - 11/03/2013
Reply