This is ABUSE

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Results: 105 - 120 of 2265

  • Jude

    17/12/2014

    I was in an abusive relationship last year. The person i dated was an alcoholic and used to get me drunk every night to sexually abuse me. This year i have tried to be in another relationship but everytime i ask a man to wait 3 months for sex he goes off and leaves me. I did say that i had been abused at the start of the relationship. Any advice on this would be appreciated. Also i worry that the person that abused me last year might bother me, i didn't report them to the police as i was too frightened.

    Jude - 17/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Jude
      It's good to hear from you. I am so sorry to hear about what you went through. It sounds very traumatic and frightening.

      Firstly, this was not your fault at all. And secondly, the feelings you are experiencing are totally normal given what you have been through. Rape and other trauma and abuse can have long lasting impacts on us and can affect how we feel in future relationships.

      It is good that you have tried to put down boundaries with guys in terms of waiting to have sex, and I am really sorry that they have not respected that and waited. It must feel very upsetting. In a healthy and respectful relationship someone will be happy to support you and wait until you are ready. I promise not all guys are abusive or not prepared to wait.

      I think you would really benefit from some specialist support or counselling. The best place to go is Rape Crisis. They are a lovely charity who will listen to you, offer support and can tell you about your nearest centre where you can get counselling.

      I also hear that you are worried about him bothering you again - has he tried to do this? You can still report him if you want, that is entirely your choice. Rape crisis can talk you through how to do this and what would happen. If he does make contact you can always ring the police. Does anyone else know what happened? It can feel better and safer if people around you know such as friends and family or other people like your GP.

      You don't have to try and cope with this alone,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 20/12/2014

  • Hannah

    15/12/2014

    I am 18 have been with my boyfriend since I was 14. It was great at first then he started getting snappy and losing his temper and pushing me around for no reason. I felt so alone which is no excuse for cheating on him but I did. I kept this to myself for 2 years which I hated doing but I was scared and everytime I tried to end the relationship he wouldn't let me. I told him what I had did and i know it must be a horrible feeling for him but now 2 years later he brings it up nearly everyday. I always thought he would change because when he was nice he was really nice but when he was horrible he was the nastiest person in the world. He used to argue with me infront of my friends and call me fat and ugly and a slag infront of loads of people. He'd spit in my face and drag me around when we were out with friends. Im not saying im an angel i hit him back after he had hit me and I shouldnt of cheated in the first place. I am now pregnant as he would shout at me if i took birth control. I don't know what to do and feel so lost. I feel obligated to stay with him because i have made the mistake of cheating on him and he makes me feel guilty, even more than I already do.

    Hannah - 15/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Hannah
      Thank you for your message. It sounds like things have been hard for a long time. You have been together for ages and grown up together really, so I understand why this is so hard.

      Firstly, this is not your fault and you do not deserve the abuse. I know you feel bad about cheating on him, and although cheating is not great, you were scared of him and he would not let you leave the relationship. You were honest with him and he is still using this against you but not taking any accountability for his own behaviour.

      I have to say I am very concerned about you especially as you are pregnant. It is quite common for abusers to control access to birth control, but sometimes when women are pregnant the abuse can get worse which puts you and the baby at risk.

      It is really important that you tell people what is happening so you can get the support you need and deserve. If you are pregnant you should be seeing a doctor/midwife regularly and this may give you an opportunity to tell them what is happening. In fact, all midwives have to ask everyone if they are being abused in their relationship and they should make sure you are on your own when they ask - this is a perfect opportunity to tell someone who can help you safely.

      You can always ring the police and you can also ring the free 24 hour national domestic violence helpline on 0800 2000 247. They can give advice and tell you about local services. I am concerned that you have wanted to leave before but he has not let you, this may be even harder as you are pregnant - so your safety is really important. There are refuges that you can go to where you can live safely away from him and rebuild your life.

      I know this may sound overwhelming but the safety of you and the baby is the most important thing. You do not have to stay with him, you are not at fault here. You deserve a happy and safe life as does your child. If you do decide to leave, please get professional support and tell them what you plan to do so you can get help to leave safely. There are also some tips here: http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/

      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 15/12/2014

  • Ali

    15/12/2014

    Hi I am seeking help because I am being emotionally a used by my girlfriend who im soon marrying but emotionally blackmailed into marrying. I have been with her for 6 years we have been ok we had our little ups and downs but nothing our love couldn't overcome I grew to love her more and more she was my secondary school dream girl I loved and appreciated everything she's done for me I took part in bad stuff with my friends I have put a stop to it but she bully's me and picks on me whenever she feels like and tells me how I'm not good enough and makes me feel terribly small i faced abuse from her everyday for the past year n she would be nice to me here and there and make me feel special and promise me that things will b better when we are married I chose to believe it out of hope. I couldn't see a day without her and I need her in my life. I lived every day after that nicely but I wouldn't disagree with anything out of fear. I gave her everything I could and I bought her wedding dress and accessorys just how she wanted it I made decisions that my parents didn't even like so I don't lose her and recently she said I can't enjoy my best friend to my wedding and I couldnt take it anymore so I confronted her and I told her that I gave her everything the way she wanted it i made things how she wanted it but this is my wedding too and I deserve to have my friends there and she replied back telling me how I'm not good enough for her and she's only there because she has had sexual intercourse with me and religiously we have to be married. But that was made up I asked a guy in the mosque and he told me different so I confronted her and things went uglie so I said sorry and le it blow over. I got her brother over to tell him about this and to make her U derstand that this is depressing me and he had a go at me instead. I then said that I came to a conclusion that this can't go on and I don't want this marriage nomore and I want to leave even though it hurts me and she said it's too late we all have paid for everything and our families have prepared for it already so you have to get married to me now and I was threatened by her brother that he would kill me if I leave his sister and make up with her again I was afraid of leavin her but coming to realise I miss her somebody please help me

    Ali - 15/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Ali
      Thank you for your message. I am really sorry to hear about what you are going through.

      It sounds like your girlfriend has been quite emotionally abusive and controlling over the years which is not ok. It must be very hard with the added pressure of the wedding.

      I am concerned about the threats her brother has made to you and think it is important that you get some support straight away.

      There is a really good helpline for people affected by forced marriage - I think that because of the abuse and the threats from him about what he will do if you don't go through with the marriage you should get some advice from them

      Here are their details:
      http://www.karmanirvana.org.uk/help-me/
      help line – 0800 5999 247

      The government also have a forced marriage unit which you can call on (0) 20 7008 0151.

      I also hear that you still love her and miss her. That can feel really confusing but it is understandable that you can love someone but also hate or be frightened of their behaviour. It does not sound like marrying her is the best thing for you to do, but I want you to get advice about how to leave the relationship (if that's what you want) safely .Your welfare is really important and I am concerned for your safety.

      If you are threatened or scared you can always ring the police on 999.

      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 17/12/2014

  • Caroline

    14/12/2014

    I think I was a victim of abuse both physical and emotional in a previous relationship that ended over a year ago. Is it too late to do anything about it?

    Caroline - 14/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Caroline

      It is never too late to do something. I am not sure if you are referring to reporting it to the police or getting some emotional support. However, in both cases it is never too late.

      You can report abuse to the police and you can find out about local support services by calling the national domestic violence helpline on 0800 2000 247 - they are open 24 hours a day. They can also talk you through what would happen if you were to report it. It can be very important to get emotional support when coping with the impacts of abuse, so do think about that too.

      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 17/12/2014

  • Hannah

    14/12/2014

    I've been dating this guy for just over a year and everything has been going well, until now. He gets violent an is controlling. He controls what I wear and who I talk to. I can't tell anyone because he would be even worse. I feel trapped and I don't know how to get out of it.

    Hannah - 14/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Hannah

      Thanks for your message. It sounds like things have become very scary in your relationship. It is never ok for someone to control you in any way or to be violence. This is abuse and is unacceptable but also not your fault.

      I understand why you don't want to tell anyone but actually telling people is what can help keep you safer. You could tell people you trust such as a doctor or someone at school/college/uni/work or family/friends. But i think it is also important to talk to a specialist organisation. You can ring the national 24 hour helpline any time for free and confidential advice and he does not need to know you have done this. 0800 2000 247

      I am not sure if you live with him but here are some safety tips - http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/

      If you do decide to leave him it is important to follow the safety advice given and to tell other people. You can ring the police at anytime and the helpline can give you advice and info about local support services.

      Your safety and well-being is the most important thing so please do try to get some help and let people know what has been happening,
      take care
      jo

      This is Abuse team - 20/12/2014

  • Ellie

    13/12/2014

    My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We've been rocky in the past but gotten over it. That is until the last few months when he has been violent and aggressive. He has thrown my dinner against the wall and flipped my bed when I've been crying. He poured his coffee all over my cooked breakfast I made for us and went on to eat his in front of me. In an argument last week, he smashed his phone and got in my face when I started crying. I told him I wasn't going to accept his aggression towards me anymore and he slammed me to the wall and ripped my top, slapped me and when I went to get away he pushed me to the wall again. I reluctantly accepted him back when he told me he knew what was going on was wrong. We've just had another argument now, where he put his hand over my mouth when I was talking. He refuses to believe that that is an abusive action to take, especially after everything he's done previously. I try and tell him it's a controlling and made me feel degraded. Am I overreacting? I've always been told to stand up for myself and I don't know what to do. As cliche as it is I love him and he knows what he's done in the past is wrong but doesn't see how literally silencing someone isn't acceptable.

    Ellie - 13/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Ellie

      Thanks for your message, I am glad you got in touch, as you should not have to cope with this alone.

      Your boyfriend has been very emotionally and physically abusive and his actions are not ok.

      It is good that he acknowledged that what he did was wrong but concerning that he does not recognise that covering your mouth is abusive. You are right to be concerned.

      It is one thing for someone to see what they are doing is wrong, but they also need to want to change and get support to do so. That is a big step and in the meantime I do worry for your well-being and safety.

      I understand wanting to stand up for yourself, that is a good thing to do but you are not responsible for someone else's behaviour. Sometimes trying to tell someone that they are being abusive can jeopardise your safety as it can make them even more angry.
      The best thing to do is to get support so that you can stay safe.

      You can ring the national domestic abuse helpline anytime on 0800 2000 247 for advice, support and details about local support services and you can ring the police on 999 if you are scared.

      There are some tips here about keeping safe: http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/

      The respect phoneline is for people who are abusive who want to change, he could ring them and you can also to get advice - http://www.respectphoneline.org.uk/
      Call freephone 0808 802 4040 Monday-Friday 9am-5pm or email
      info@respectphoneline.org.uk


      I really recommend for you to contact the helpline and get support. Only you can decide if you want to stay with him, but I think unless he gets support to change, things may carry on like this and that is not a healthy relationship to be in. Not all guys will treat you like this and a good relationship is based on love and respect.

      I hope this helps
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 28/12/2014

  • kerri

    13/12/2014

    My partner can be lovely at times. But he can also change and say the nastiest things over something little.. for example we managed to misplace a dvd that we had bought at the shop once we got home couldnt find it and he said i must have left it. I said i didnt and he started calling me names and saying he didnt want to deal with my rubbish.. also started calling me lazy and saying he is only with me to make sure i dont hit my daughter ( i have never done this) im so confused.. is this abuse? Or was i in the wrong? I feel so terrible and upset. It happens on a regular basis also. And things get brought up from past arguments. I cry and he says im being stupid or childish. Please give me some advice thanks

    kerri - 13/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Kerri

      I am sorry to hear about what you have been going through. It sounds like things have been very difficult. It's not ok for him to say things like that or to call you names. And it must have felt awful when he said that about your daughter. Quite often abusive people will say things like that to control you and make you doubt yourself. It is a tactic of emotional abuse and can be very confusing and hurtful. You are certainly not being childish or stupid by getting upset.

      Only you can decide if you want to stay in this relationship but a healthy relationship is based on love and respect.

      If you want to talk more you can always ring the national helpline on 0800 2000 247.
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 07/01/2015

  • alii

    12/12/2014

    My dad has abused my mum. He is very controlling over her in everything she does and she cannot be herself because she has to do what he tells her to.. If she does anything he is not happy with.. like social networking, he will physically abuse her to the point where she cannot go out in public because of the bruises all over her face and body. I am worried about my mum and I know she is unhappy and I know she wants to leave but is scared. But I love my dad also and I don't want him to be on his own either. Because I know he loves her. He is also sick so I am scared that something happens him when he's alone

    alii - 12/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Alii
      Thank you for your message. I understand how scary and upsetting this must be. What your dad is doing is very abusive and not ok at all.
      Luckily, there is a lot of support out here for you and your family.
      I think the best thing to do is to contact the national domestic violence helpline - they are open 24 hours a day, it's free and confidential. You can call them on 0800 2000 247. They can advise you and tell you about services in your area.

      Does anyone else know what is happening ? Any other family members? You can also tell other people like your doctor/teacher for instance.

      I know you are also worried about your dad, but the most important thing is you and your mum's safety. This is a lot for you to have to cope with. If you dad is willing he can also access support - there are services for abusive men to help them change how they behave.

      Why don't you or your mum ring the helpline and find out what your options are? It's best not to tell your dad about this, they can advise you how to stay safe. There are also safe places you and your mum could go to stay called refuges if needed.

      You did the right thing contacting us, I really hope this helps. Come back any time if you need more support,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 12/12/2014

  • Grace

    11/12/2014

    I am 21 and earlier this year started seeing a guy who I got on very well with, we talked alot on the phone and texted alot as we didn't live very near one another. He started to ask me to send him nude photos which I declined as I had never done that before and didn't want to. We stopped talking for a while and then it started up again stronger than ever. He basically guilt tripped me into sending him pictures which I know I shouldn't have but he was so forceful and he told me I could trust him etc. For which I feel very very stupid now. So I sent him some pictures. He then started talking about having a threesome and started sending the pictures to a girl he wanted to join us. This was weird for me as I didn't really want to get involved, but he is very persuasive and doesn't stop until he gets what he wants. During this time however I met an amazing bloke who I really really like. However while I started a relationship with my new partner I felt as though I couldn't stop talking to the previous one as he would get angry and threaten to do something with the pictures I have sent him. Several times now I have told him I don't want to talk to him anymore and have blocked him on all social media sites but he still messages me and rings me and threatens me with these pictures. I cannot tell my boyfriend about it as he would be devastated to know that I had been talking to this other guy. But everything I try and stop I'm terrified he will do something with these pictures. So I continue to keep him appeased. What should I do?!

    Grace - 11/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Grace
      Thanks for your message. I am really sorry to hear about what you are going through. What he is doing is wrong and abusive.
      It's not ok for him to threaten you and make you do things and send images that you don't want to.

      It's really good you have blocked him on social media. Perhaps you can also block his number so he can't ring or message you?

      Here is some good info about this issue and what you can do: http://www.childline.org.uk/explore/onlinesafety/pages/sexting.aspx

      You can also report this online to CEOP who can help: https://www.ceop.police.uk/Ceop-Report/Ceop-Report-For-Someone-Else/

      I hope this helps. Remember this was not your fault, he has been threatening and abusive. I am glad you are with someone lovely now. I hope it works out for you,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 12/12/2014

  • chloe

    10/12/2014

    ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend for quite a few months now. for the first few weeks it was great and then he started hitting me, it only started as play fighting but the punches got harder and bruises were scattering on my body. he calls me 'fat thighs' even after he knows i have self confidence issues. hes just recently stopped me from speaking two my boy best friend as he doesent like him and demands two know whenever he is messaging me. he picks any little thing two have an argument with me and will find any excuse two call me names. i have no idea what two do?

    chloe - 10/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Chloe

      It sounds like your boyfriend is being physically and emotionally abusive and controlling. It sounds like things are getting worse as he is now isolating you from your friends who could help you.

      Do you still want to be in the relationship? I am concerned for you and your well-being.

      It is important that people know what is going on. Can you tell your parents/doctor/someone at school, college, uni, work?

      You can also ring the national helpline anytime for some free, confidential advice on 0800 2000 247.

      This link has important info on staying safe if you choose to stay or leave him.
      http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/

      You deserve to be treated with love and respect.

      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 12/12/2014

  • I feel like a fool.

    10/12/2014

    Ive been with a man for 3 years. Hes 29 im 19. I was in a relationship before him and ive had a pretty messed up life but when i met him i felt like he was the man of my dreams. He was always very withdrawn, didnt really give much of an input but the feelings were so intense it was amazing. I broke his trust bear the beginning before we were even officially together, things were left bad with my ex and i needed closure i lied about meeting with him and i said i will make sure this never happens, i made a mistake but i didnt even know what i meant to him untill the same night i lied to him he put his hands around my throat, i fell for him(another mistake) and i stayed, i begged him but he didnt listen, he slept with someone else because he thought i slept with my ex and his justification was he "classed us as not together so it doesnt count". I tried my best to build it back up but nothing worked, from 3 years ago till now he still uses this as an excuse and calls me vile names, puts me down, makes me feel worthless and disgusting. Recently ive been on crutches due to a fall i had playing around with my sister and he threated to "hit my weak spot" meaning my bad knee. Im at a point where i feel like ive done all i can but its not worth it anymore. I look at him and see a pathetic excuse for a man. He tells me "a gobby bitch like me needs her mouth closing and he will close it every time". I cry so much over this man he has no regards for me or how i feel. I found out im 8 weeks pregnant though he made me get birth control but i didnt want it he said hes not staying if i keep it. I guess its worth mentioning he was with a woman before me who had a child from soneone else that he raised as his own then had a child with her who is now 3. I have done more than enough to proce to him i would never hurt him knowing or unknowing but nothing is ever enough. I wish i never met him. But i cant stop loving him. He spat in my face and i still took him back, he hurt me so much and i listen to the crap every single time now i look in the mirror and see a woman who was taken for a fool.

    I feel like a fool. - 10/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi

      Thank you for your message.

      Firstly I want to say that you are not a fool at all. In fact it sounds like you have been really strong, brave and loving. You have done nothing wrong.
      It was understandable that you wanted to meet up with your ex for closure before you went into a new relationship, and he had no right to assault you for this.

      He has been emotionally abusive and controlling you for three years and I understand how confusing it can be to love someone but to hate their behaviour. However, you welfare and that of your unborn child must come first. Only you can decide if you want to stay or leave the relationship but it is very abusive and unhealthy and sometimes this can increase during pregnancy so I am concerned for you.

      As you are pregnant you should have a midwife? They have to routinely see women alone and also ask them if they are in an abusive relationship - they have been trained in how to support women in these circumstances and I would really encourage you to tell her what is happening as she can help you. This is regardless of whether you decide to keep the baby or not.

      You can also talk to your GP or you can ring the free and confidential 24 hour national domestic violence helpline on 0800 2000 247. They can give you advice and tell you where your nearest support service is.
      You can also search for local services here:
      http://www.womensaid.org.uk/azrefuges.asp?section=00010001000800060002&itemTitle=A-Z+of+services
      They can help you decide what to do, explain what your options are and help keep you safe.

      Here are some tips on keeping safe - http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/

      This is very serious, I know how scary and upsetting it is but it is important that you get the help that you need and deserve.

      I really hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 02/01/2015

  • debra

    09/12/2014

    i was in an abusive relationship at the age of 14. at first he used to treat me right, made me feel special and made me depend on him. he walked me home from school every night and would wait if i had something on after school. i thought he cared about me and just didnt want me to walk alone.
    it wasnt until he grabbed me in school that i realised this wasnt just him caring. he grabbed my wrist and twisted it until i cried. he pulled me away from my friends until my friends would no longer talk to me. he made me sit in a room on my own every break and dinner so he knew where i was.
    it wasnt until walking home one day that he hit me. we were arguing because he had locked me in a classroom earlier that day, it was the first time id ever argued back with him, usually i just said i was sorry so he didnt get mad. he pulled me down and alley way and punched my arm and kicked me and spat on me and strangled me various times.
    For months after he carried, he didnt stop and it became routine for him to pull me down the same alley way and to do the same things every night.
    he finally took it too far and i finished with him and hid from him for weeks. within these weeks, i got diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
    he blamed himself for my illness', he later changed his mind and said that my illness' was all my fault and i was better off dead. suffering with depression this was probably the worst thing to hear but i tried to ignore it. i became very closer with a boy in my class, who my ex wasnt happy with at all, he threated to kill this boy and me.
    2 months later i cant walk down the alley way and this is the first time i have ever told anyone about what happened. i still suffer from depression. i have moved schools away from my ex and have nothing to do with him but i dont go out anymore, and i deleted everything from social network. im still very scared

    debra - 09/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Debra

      I am so glad you wrote to talk about what happened to you. That was very brave and I know how hard it can be, you did the right thing.

      What happened to you sounds awful and must have been very scary. Unfortunately most abusive relationships start off well as the person wants you to trust them so they can start to slowly control you and isolate you from your friends, as he did.

      Firstly I want you to know that none of this was your fault. I totally understand why you feel depressed, anxious and scared now. These are all normal feelings when you have been through something so traumatic. The depression you feel is absolutely not your fault.

      I am really glad that you ended the relationship and that you have moved schools.

      I know you haven't told anyone about what happened but I am wondering if you are getting any help with your depression - do you feel able to tell your doctor what happened? That way you can get the support you need. I think you may benefit from some counselling. Your doctor can refer you.
      How do you feel about telling your family? Or someone at your new school - it can really help to talk things through and can keep you safe as other people know what happened.

      You have done the right thing by deleting him on social networks. As you still live in the same area (I am guessing?) then you may run into him at some point. I think it is best not to go down the alley on your own in case you see him, and to have a plan for what to do if you did see him in the street. A good idea would be to go to a shop or another public place and always have your phone on you.
      If you are scared you can ring the police anytime.

      There is some more advice here:
      http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/

      I promise you that most boys are not abusive and that you can move through these feelings of depression and anxiety but the best way to do that is to let other people help you and get the support you deserve. Try to see this as the first step on that journey, you have been really brave,

      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 02/01/2015

  • Debbie4

    09/12/2014

    I feel thinking I'm in abusive relationship is really self indulgent and dramatic, but I know I'm definitely not happy. I think this is more manipulation than abuse?
    I met my boyfriend at uni. His dad was married to this really vindictive woman who would taunt him relentlessly about his weight and how he looked, so he has a long history of being very uncomfortable with his looks and weight. I understand that he isn't very confident, but it has led him to being very anti-social. I love my friends, but he openly slates them all and will often refuse to come to their parties. He says it's just because he wants to spend time alone with me, and often makes it sound as if I'm being unreasonable for being sad he won't come with me. He's always saying how my parents are negligent and my sisters and I are spoilt, although I say nothing about his family and always make a huge effort with them and his friends.
    It often feels very double standards.
    There is quite a big problem with him thinking I'm always talking down to him. He's always accusing me of telling him his opinions aren't relevant - infact, he's shouted at me about this in several public places.
    I have been putting in as much as I possibly can to him - I've helped him apply for post-grad courses, driven him to interviews, tried to help him find a diet and lifestyle that suits him, been there for him when he's having hard times with his self-worth - but according to him I've only done these things to get one up on him.
    Sometimes during sex he does things he knows makes me uncomfortable, like pulling my hair or biting me really hard. Often he'll talk about other girls whilst we're together which really upsets me. He'll always just claim it was sexy talk though.
    I'm so conflicted - I love him, but often I feel like he takes everything I have and gives nothing back. He's so quick to critise me, point out all my flaws and inadequacies but if I try and say the same to him I'm called uncaring and condescending.
    I know people have been through a lot worse, but I'm not happy.

    Debbie4 - 09/12/2014

    Reply
    • hi Debbie
      Firstly worrying that you might be in an abusive relationship is not at all indulgent or dramatic. It is really scary and confusing and you have every right to seek support and validation so I am really glad you got in touch.

      OK, it does sound like perhaps the way his step-mother treated him may have influenced how he behaves and responds now but that is not an excuse for abusive behaviour in any way. We are able to make choices about how we behave. He may well be insecure and perceive how you talk to him as talking down to him, if that is what he grew up expecting but it is not ok to project that onto you or to shout at you about them.

      I am concerned about the way he treats you during sex, pulling your hair and biting you is obviously not ok at all nor is talking about other girls, especially when you have told him it upsets you.

      Try not to compare yourself to other people's experiences. Everyone is unique and deserving of support and actually what you describe sounds really difficult and not ok. I am not surprised you are upset.

      It is confusing to love someone but hate their behaviour. Only you can decide if you want to stay in the relationship but I advise telling people how you are feeling and what has been happening. I also want to share some safety tips with you:

      http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/

      http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/

      You deserve to be treated with love and respect and not all guys will treat you like this - I promise!

      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 07/01/2015

  • Elesha

    09/12/2014

    Hi
    About 5 years ago when I was 15 I got into a reletionship with a man who I loved he was perfect! Until a year into when he changed started being violent and very controlling! He even threated me with a knife when I tried to leave the reletionship! I was beaten and raped weekly by a man I thought loved me! I remember watching the news one day and seen a story about a woman who had been murdered by her boyfriend as it scared the life out of me I didn't want to die at 16! I got in touch with the police and stood in court against this man who got sentenced to 6 years I then done charity work to raise money for awareness for teenage reletionship abuse! When I went through it there was nothing like this website around for me! So i am so happy to see such an amazing website! Even though I still suffer with the emotional side of what happened I'm a survivor and will never class myself as a victim!

    Elesha - 09/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Elesha

      Thank you so much for your message. I think it will help a lot of people to read about your experiences and how you have come out the other side. You have been incredibly brave by reporting him, going through the court process and then working to help other young people! You are amazing!

      It sounds like you went through horrific abuse and I am so glad that you escaped and that he was sent to prison. It is understandable that you suffer emotionally still as abuse is very traumatic. You can always access counselling and support at any time.

      Thank you again for sharing your story,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 15/12/2014

  • Darcy

    06/12/2014

    I was in a relationship with a man who I thought was the one. Everything was perfect. Until around 8 months into the relationship I noticed my boyfriend being very over protective of me and losing his temper with me easily and getting jealous over very small things. I remember one day he shouted me into a corner, screaming in my face calling me all kinds of vile names. I really took it to heart thinking I'd done something wrong, when all I'd done was walked into the room and made a small comment about how we were going to be late for an appointment. He'd call me up and hurl abuse at me if he'd seen a boy 'like' any of my facebook statuses/posts etc. There were more episodes like this that followed, I thought they were just phases or it was me being stupid and being in the wrong. I wasn't allowed to wear certain clothes, speak to certain people, see my family, wear much make up etc. He would regularly shout at me and lock me in the flat while I screamed and screamed for help, to no avail. I found myself becoming very depressed and isolated. I still am now. He wouldn't let me leave. He would regularly check my phone, facebook, email everything. I was HIS property it seemed. Everything was my fault. I couldn't so much as glance at another human being f the opposite sex without getting the third degree. I'd sometimes get yelled at in public. He hated me going to work, he even tried to make me quit. Although he never physically abused me the damage he caused me affects my everyday life now. I'm just grateful to be out of that relationship before it got any worse.

    Darcy - 06/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Darcy
      Thank you so much for sharing what happened to you. I am so sorry that you experienced abuse like that. Emotional and psychological abuse can be very frightening and upsetting. Even if it was not exactly physical it is still very serious.

      I am really glad you are no longer in that relationship. Do you feel safe now? Do you have any contact with him? You can always call the police if you are scared or threatened and you can ring the national domestic violence helpline anytime on 0800 2000 247 - they can put you in touch with local support services if you feel you need some support to deal with what happened.

      Thank you for sharing your story, it will help a lot of people to know that you can leave an abusive relationship.
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 08/12/2014

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