HAVE YOUR SAY
Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships
If you've got something you'd like to talk about regarding any kind of relationship abuse, come and Have Your Say on our message board.
The chances are you'll be able to talk with someone who's gone through similar experiences to your own.
Seen the ads? What do you think?
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Is controlling who a partner sees or speaks to abuse?
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Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.
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Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.
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Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?
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Is bullying, controlling and putting a partner down abuse?
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Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you've got something to say about abuse in relationships then you'll need to accept our terms before you can take part - please see our rules on the right side of the page. You can then enter your comments below or under any video you want to talk about.
fran
23/03/2013
I was only dating him for a couple of month. I do regret it but I still love him. He managed to get inside my head. Everything that he did wrong, he managed to manipulate the situation and show it to be my fault.
He has anxiety so he'd have an attack or fake an attack to make me feel guilty. He also cut him self and said look what I had done to him.
He has a new girlfriend now and he still talks to me and reminds me. The thing is I never did anything wrong to him, and he spreads all sorts of rumors about me.
He is ruining my life and am not sure what to do
fran - 23/03/2013
ReplyHI Fran
Thanks for getting in touch.
Please understand that abuse is wrong and never okay, and emotional abuse can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.
We would always encourage you to try and find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).
Anon
23/03/2013
I'm just coming out of an abusive relationship and I can tell you that those who may think that their abuse will stop or their partner will get better, etc, is not often the case. In fact, it is much more likely to get worse.
When it started for me, it just started with verbal abuse and trying to force me in to a housewife. I do not consider myself someone who bends down easily, but then whenever I didn't do what he said, we'd argue on and on until he turned it in to my fault and make me feel really guilty.
There were times where I'd be crying for his forgiveness, but not even really know why!
Physical abuse started soon after. I had the police involved, but I stopped the case because I felt so bad without him, and I thought he would never do it again.
He treated me well for a few months after that. But the abuse crept back in again. And each time it happened, his time of being nice to me would get less and less, and abusing me more and more frequently.
It reached a point where he actually physically abused me and threatened to kill me, holding a knife to my throat.
I got myself into a really tough position because he was also financially abusing me. This can be a difficult thing to recognise sometimes - like any abuse. But I was stuck with him because I thought I had no money to manage on my own, and had no where else to go.
I now know that I can... Or more accurately, I WILL move out on my own, have my own place, get my own stuff and start my life properly on my own this time.
Help is there. I'm on victim support now. I have a solicitor working with me to make sure that everything is sorted out properly until I move out and to prevent him abusing me until that time. My solicitor has been brilliant for me and my case.
Giving me some legal ground to stay in the ex's property until I find my own place to prevent me ending up homeless or in a womans refuge miles away. Having some legal knowledge on your side can be really great if you are struggling with certain issues after an abusive relationship ends.
Abusive partners may try to tell you what you can and cannot do in law, but in such cases, you really need to seek impartial legal advice, even if it means visiting your local police station to ask them where the law stands on some cases.
I also have a lady from the council who is giving me the best oppertunities to find my own place to live. And I have two close friends who have stuck by me through this toughest time.
Your own support network is priceless if you are a victim of abuse. Whether that be a friend, a telephone crisis line, the internet, victim support, the council, a youth project/centre, the police, a counsillor, a school teacher, etc etc. Just knowing these people/services are there can be enough to help you.
Forgive me for such a long post. Let me close up here.
Just please don't let it continue for so long without doing anything, like I did. I still can't get my head around why I let him continue like he did... Something that will probably bother me for some time, I think. I'm still under his roof, but I'm not afraid of him anymore, and I am starting to make my own rules and limits now, which is great! Nobody should be denied that freedom.
Anon - 23/03/2013
ReplyFluffy (nickname)
22/03/2013
Hi.. I dont want to use my real name, but i have thus problem,
i post things on an art website, most drama occurs on it, i met a friend, he was really nice to me, we shared a few secrets and had a laugh he was really nice, i made alot of friends online, i have a really hard time trying to make friends in real life, but behind a keyboard the things you can do is amazing.
Anyway, he told me to get skype so we can talk and he can show me some of his friends, there i met three girls they were also really nice, we were talking one night about personal things and he said to go on wbcam and talk for a bit i knew his age, but he told me to get on cam with nothing on I really did refuse until he manipulated me, he told me he'd get my friends involved and tell them, so i did it,
after that about a month later i told my closest friend, it caused a online drama i got hate messages and i had to leave what i do (Art) i got really depressed and he told everyone i made it up, even with full proof,
i told my mum and we blocked full contact with him but he made a new account and i never knew, i gave him another chance but he started saying things he bugged me in school and spammed my skype,
i got really depressed i deleted him off everywere but he got my phone number off someone i dont know who, he called me all the time every day harrassing me i dont know what to do, my mum might get the police involved if it continues but im really scared and i feel like it'll ruin what i love to do cause it started this mess..
Fluffy (nickname) - 22/03/2013
ReplyHi Fluffy,
Thank you for your post.
If you are being stalked it can be very frightening. You can be stalked by a partner or ex-partner as well as strangers.
Stalking can mean all kinds of behaviours such as:
• as regularly sending unwanted flowers or gifts,
• frequent unwanted contact (in person, online etc)
• damaging property
• harassment of people close to you
• physical or sexual assault
If the behaviour is persistent and clearly unwanted causing you fear, harassment or anxiety then it is stalking and you should not have to live with it.
If you feel you are in danger, call the police on 999 at any time. You can also ring the The National Stalking Helpline on 0808 802 0300 or visit: www.protectionagainststalking.org/node/22
You can also hear from someone who has experience of stalking http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_d3GOgrGng&feature=BFa&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag
Ashleigh
22/03/2013
This site is brilliant and wish I knew about it before! i was mentally abused for two years when I was in my teens! I'm now 21 and only just getting over it! Mental and domestic abuse is wrong and not in the slightest acceptable!
We need more information out there for young girls/boys to get hold off easily so this can be delt with!
Ashleigh - 22/03/2013
ReplyMiriam
20/03/2013
I have mad support for this campaign. I am happy that more awareness has been made on emotional & mental abuse in relationships.
This form of abuse is not taken seriously but believe it or not its more damaging in comparison to physical abuse. Some forms of physical abuse are short term and can heal but mental and emotional abuse can damage you for life.
At times the closest people to you can inflict this kind of abuse without realising it
Miriam - 20/03/2013
ReplyStu
20/03/2013
Hi I really don't know what to do my girlfriend want's to have sex but I told her I'm not quite ready yet and she accuses me of cheating on her and thinks I've still got feelings for my ex she want's to be with me 24/7
I'm writing this while she's gone the shops I'm to scared to talk to anyone on phone it's easier this way the thing is when I tell her I'm not ready she goes off on one throws stuff at me smashing things she's hit me twice I said next time I'd leave her but deep down I can't I love her and don't want to lose her when I talk to my friends she get's paranoid even if there male and she knows I'm a straight guy
I just don't know what to do she's always with me every day don't get what her problem is we live together she won't even let me the house with out her coming with me and said if I do leave she'll tell her I cheated on her and tried attacking her it upsets me so much also I'm afraid if I do leave her she'll tell everyone that anyway
what do I do please can only u advise me because I don't wanna speak on phone thanks.
Stu - 20/03/2013
ReplyHi Stu,
Thank you for posting.
If you're a young man who's experiencing violence at the hands of your female partner (and this may include being pressured into sexual activities you don't want) then it may be especially hard for you to tell someone.
Some people have told us that they would feel less manly if someone knew that were being abused by a girl, that it would be shameful. And others have told us about situations where their female partner threatened to tell authorities that they were being abused by them in order to keep them silent.
Talking about what's happening is really important and you can get help if your partner is violent, controlling or sexually abusive. Try talking to a trusted adult. If you don’t think you can do this, you can speak in confidence by calling the helpline for males experiencing domestic abuse. Call freephone 0808 801 0327, email info@mensadviceline.org.uk or visit www.mensadviceline.org.uk
SurvivorsUK supports adult men over the age of 18 who have experienced sexual violation at any time in their lives. They offer a helpline for male survivors, their friends, family and carers on 0845 1221201 (Mon/Tues 7-9.30pm and Thurs 12-2.30pm) and a London based counselling service offering low cost individual counselling and group therapy: www.survivorsuk.org / info@survivorsuk.org
Dudley Safe and Sound partnership have also produced a video which provides advice for male victims of relationship abuse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
David
19/03/2013
My friend is in a relationship and her boyfriend wants her to keep away from me and some of her other friends.
I still go and hug her and the usual but he gets a bit jealous and shouts at her about it, is that abuse?
David - 19/03/2013
ReplyHI David
Thanks for getting in touch.
Most people aren’t in abusive relationships, but as you can see from the stories, it can happen, so it’s important to be aware of what abuse looks like. The Spot the Signs page includes behaviours that may mean you’re in an abusive relationship: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse
Erin
19/03/2013
Its alright showing videos of boys abusing girls, but girls can also abuse boys.
It happens both ways just like there are two sides to every story.
Also just showing videos of boys abusing girls is a bit sexist as well.
Erin - 19/03/2013
ReplyHI Erin
Thanks for your feedback; we are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign.
We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight, and we are also aware that most teenage boys have normal and healthy relationships. However, in abusive relationships the statistics show that it is usually the male in the relationship that is the abuser and the female the victim and therefore it is important for the campaign to reflect this.
Our objective is to help both boys and girls spot the signs of abuse in relationships and raise awareness of what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour, and although we depict a female victim in the advert, the messages are relevant for both boys and girls whether they are victims or abusers,
We have provided advice and information on the
website which points all victims to the help they need - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help - including specific help for male victims of violence and abuse through Respect and Survivors UK. The site is also a forum where young people can pose questions and discuss the issue with their peers and experts in the field.
We also work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse and those in gay relationships, which you can view by clicking on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
We have also produced a video in partnership with Broken rainbow which is intended to provide advice and signpost help for LGBT victims of domestic violence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U0ZJFdxCtg&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=2&feature=plcp
We welcome all views; it’s good that the campaign is prompting you to ask questions and seek more information.
Nicole
19/03/2013
Why is it only girls getting abused in your videos? THAT'S SEXIST MAN!
Nicole - 19/03/2013
ReplyHi Nicole,
Thanks for your feedback; we are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign.
We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight, and we are also aware that most teenage boys have normal and healthy relationships. However, in abusive relationships the statistics show that it is usually the male in the relationship that is the abuser and the female the victim and therefore it is important for the campaign to reflect this.
Our objective is to help both boys and girls spot the signs of abuse in relationships and raise awareness of what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour, and although we depict a female victim in the advert, the messages are relevant for both boys and girls whether they are victims or abusers,
We have provided advice and information on the website which points all victims to the help they need - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help - including specific help for male victims of violence and abuse through Respect and Survivors UK. The site is also a forum where young people can pose questions and discuss the issue with their peers and experts in the field.
We also work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse and those in gay relationships, which you can view by clicking on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
We have also produced a video in partnership with Broken rainbow which is intended to provide advice and signpost help for LGBT victims of domestic violence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U0ZJFdxCtg&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=2&feature=plcp
We welcome all views; it’s good that the campaign is prompting you to ask questions and seek more information.
Tempero Moderation - 19/03/2013
izzie
18/03/2013
So, I am 14 and this boy at my school keeps staring at me and my chest lately.
He invited me to his house, I sort of knew him so I thought, why not?
Anyway, it was fun at first but then he went in for a kiss, i backed away but he said he had fancied me for years so we just sat there kissing but then he put his hand up my skirt ( I was wearing socks) and he pulled my underwear down a little and started to touch me.
I pulled away and slapped his face and tried to get up and then he pushed me back and was on top of me and he unbuttoned my shirt and un-clipped my bra and started to lick my breasts and nipples.
I couldn't get him off me but I finally managed to kick him in between the legs and grab my bag and wrap my shirt around me.
I am really worried because I can't tell anyone and I just cannot go back to school, what should I do?
izzie - 18/03/2013
ReplyIzzie, the same kinda thing happened to me.. I stupidly went over a boy's house, he had the same feelings.. And we were home alone.
I went to the toilet and when I opened the door, he was standing there. He pushed me in, locked the door and tyed my arms to a pipe with his belt...
Then he unbuttoned my shirt and undid my bra and did the same things... I was screaming.. Then he took off my trousers, pulled down my panties and started to touch me... I was really scared...
He kept feeling me up and now I have to let him do the same things exactly like that every week, or he'll do even worse stuff.
He made me strip for him once.. When I refused to take off my underwear he just took it off and started touching me..
Catherine - 18/03/2013
Hi Izzie
Thanks for getting in touch.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is totally unacceptable. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.
If you are unsure of what is or isn’t classed as sexual abuse or assault, examples can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.
If you are ever put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to, it’s important to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
Charlotte
18/03/2013
This is for anyone who has been raped this might help you out about 6 months ago I got raped and people has been asking me to speak up about it, and explain how I dealt with it.
Firstly I came straight to my mum we spoke to the police together, you might go to a sexual health clinic to get checked up but please dint be afaird to speak up its never to late I'm 15 and I spoke up, you may feel ashmaded that it happened but u can't help you can't turn back time.
I got a consuler to help me the lad who done did get away with it he was my closet bestest mate I knew him for 7 years most rapes don't happen in dark allys by strangers so please people speak up if anything has happened to u don't be ashamed.
Just say this over nd over again it helps loads 'he will never b eat me or change me for no one I'm gonna try to move on' :'( :( x
Charlotte - 18/03/2013
ReplyCharlie
18/03/2013
I am 16 and i have now been in two relationships that i now see as abusive, one with a guy who (due to distance)
I only met up with 3 times in the relationship and each time he forced me to do sexual stuff that i just wasnt ready for... it didnt bother me that much at the time but now i look back on it, it really effects me and i find it difficult to be confortable or relaxed in any situation that even resembles it.
Then to make it worse, i have now been in an 8-9 month relationship with a girl who i have recently found out is bi-poler, and i have reason to believe that she also has a split personality.
Okay this is difficult to talk about.. the only way to describe this is sometimes she will turn into this 'other person' (anyone reading this probably wont understand, but it really isnt her, i promise you she changes into someone else.
I literally dont recognise her) and in the past, she has strangled me, put a knife to my neck, pulled my hair, pinned me down, and there was one time that i consider rape (even though she obviously doesnt have a penis, its just how i see it) and i would love to actually talk to someone about that.. but its basically triggering for me.
She hasnt show any violence for a really long time after i confronted her about it (alot) but often (sorry there is no nice way to say this...) when she goes down on me, i find myself shaking with fear and crying, even if shes doing nothing wrong!
Sometimes i just put myself in this space, and i make myself scared..
I mostly stay quiet because i dont want to upset her, and sometimes she notices im upset and will stop instantly.. but other times she gets so upset and angry at herself for letting me get like that, then i have to confort her.. she really is two different people i swear!!
I can deal with all these problems quite well at the time but i worry that it will effect me more and more as time goes by.. now i have anxiety attacks when i see one of your adverts for rape or abuse.
i dont want advise on my relationship.. i dont want to be told that i should break up with her or whatever, i can look after myself. i want her to get help more then anything.
She really is the kindest, most caring wonderful person you will ever meet and she would never EVER want to hurt me which is why i really think she has some sort of problem. and i dont know how to get her help.
if you're going to reply to this at all, please dont just give me the same block paragraphs of helplines and laws, i want some real advice from a real person, or nothing at all. please..
Charlie - 18/03/2013
ReplyHi Charlie
Thank you for your message. I am really glad that you got in touch.
My name is Jo and I work for a charity called AVA, I work with young people who have experienced abuse and I hope I can try and help you, or at least point you in the right direction so you can get the support you need.
Ok, you have had a lot going on by the sounds of it. The relationship you had with the guy sounds as if it was abusive. I am not surprised that it has affected you so much. Sexual abuse can have long lasting impacts that can take time to deal with. It can also affect how we are in future relationships. I know that you are mainly writing about your current girlfriend, but I think it is important that you get some support about what happened with the guy too.
You can contact rape crisis and speak confidentially to them about what happened. They deal with all forms of sexual assault.
www.rapecrisis.org.uk
0808 802 9999
In terms of your current relationship, you say you have recently found out that your girlfriend is bipolar? Is this an official diagnosis? If so she should be getting some kind of psychiatric support.
Bipolar is a very complex issue where people can swing between manic episodes and deep depression. I can understand that it feels like she changes to someone else. It must be really scary when that happens.
I am concerned about what you say she can be like during one of these episodes. You have mentioned some very serious incidents including strangling, threats with a knife and what felt to you like sexual assault. These issues must be dealt with and you both need professional support to deal with this.
I think that the fact you are shaking with fear during some sexual acts may be linked to what you experienced in your past relationship, especially as the current situation is so unstable. What you are experiencing is a totally normal and understandable reaction.
This website gives you some info on bipolar disorder. There are a few pages, so keep clicking next at the bottom of each one. You will eventually get to the part about the different treatments that are available. As well as medication and talking therapy there are crisis teams and she should be properly assessed and given a care plan.
One of the sections says:
During a manic phase you may be quite unaware that your actions are distressing or damaging to other people. Later, you may feel guilty and ashamed.
Which sounds similar to what you have described, although of course what she is doing in these episodes (if they are taking place in a manic episode) is abusive and not acceptable. Mental health should not be an excuse for abusive behaviour, but there is lots of support out there.
http://www.mind.org.uk/mental_health_a-z/7916_understanding_bipolar_disorder
How do you feel about talking to her about this? Does she have a supportive family/friends who can help too?
This may also be a useful site.
http://www.bipolaruk.org.uk/youth/
In order for her to get the help she needs, the medical professionals involved must know what is going on. They will be able to assess her and properly deal with what is going on. I know that she may find this really hard to talk about as she feels so bad about it, but she does need to do this.
So, in terms of next steps, I really want to encourage you to:
* speak to someone about your experiences of sexual assault
* read the info I have given you about bipolar and think about how you can share this with your GF
* think about how to keep safe should this happen again, ie: if she gets a knife or tries to strangle you. I understand you don't want to leave her, but you do need to think about your own wellbeing.
I do hope that his helps, and that you feel you have been listened to. There are lots of people who care and can support you both.
Take care
Jo
AVA - 22/03/2013
Hi Charlie
Thank you for your message. I am really glad that you got in touch.
My name is Jo and I work for a charity called AVA, I work with young people who have experienced abuse and I hope I can try and help you, or at least point you in the right direction so you can get the support you need.
Ok, you have had a lot going on by the sounds of it. The relationship you had with the guy sounds as if it was abusive. I am not surprised that it has affected you so much. Sexual abuse can have long lasting impacts that can take time to deal with. It can also affect how we are in future relationships. I know that you are mainly writing about your current girlfriend, but I think it is important that you get some support about what happened with the guy too.
You can contact rape crisis and speak confidentially to them about what happened. They deal with all forms of sexual assault.
www.rapecrisis.org.uk
0808 802 9999
In terms of your current relationship, you say you have recently found out that your girlfriend is bipolar? Is this an official diagnosis? If so she should be getting some kind of psychiatric support.
Bipolar is a very complex issue where people can swing between manic episodes and deep depression. I can understand that it feels like she changes to someone else. It must be really scary when that happens.
I am concerned about what you say she can be like during one of these episodes. You have mentioned some very serious incidents including strangling, threats with a knife and what felt to you like sexual assault. These issues must be dealt with and you both need professional support to deal with this.
I think that the fact you are shaking with fear during some sexual acts may be linked to what you experienced in your past relationship, especially as the current situation is so unstable. What you are experiencing is a totally normal and understandable reaction.
This website gives you some info on bipolar disorder. There are a few pages, so keep clicking next at the bottom of each one. You will eventually get to the part about the different treatments that are available. As well as medication and talking therapy there are crisis teams and she should be properly assessed and given a care plan.
One of the sections says:
During a manic phase you may be quite unaware that your actions are distressing or damaging to other people. Later, you may feel guilty and ashamed.
Which sounds similar to what you have described, although of course what she is doing in these episodes (if they are taking place in a manic episode) is abusive and not acceptable. Mental health should not be an excuse for abusive behaviour, but there is lots of support out there.
http://www.mind.org.uk/mental_health_a-z/7916_understanding_bipolar_disorder
How do you feel about talking to her about this? Does she have a supportive family/friends who can help too?
This may also be a useful site.
http://www.bipolaruk.org.uk/youth/
In order for her to get the help she needs, the medical professionals involved must know what is going on. They will be able to assess her and properly deal with what is going on. I know that she may find this really hard to talk about as she feels so bad about it, but she does need to do this.
So, in terms of next steps, I really want to encourage you to:
* speak to someone about your experiences of sexual assault
* read the info I have given you about bipolar and think about how you can share this with your GF
* think about how to keep safe should this happen again, ie: if she gets a knife or tries to strangle you. I understand you don't want to leave her, but you do need to think about your own wellbeing.
I do hope that his helps, and that you feel you have been listened to. There are lots of people who care and can support you both.
Take care
Jo
Casey
17/03/2013
My boyfriend keeps feeling me up and one day he took off my top and bra and started feeling my boobs, and he also stuck his hand up my skirt and felt my private parts.
he keeps saying hes redy for sex but im not, what do I do??
Casey - 17/03/2013
ReplyHi Casey,
Thank you for posting your worries.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is totally unacceptable. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.
If you are unsure of what is or isn’t classed as sexual abuse or assault, examples can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.
If you are ever put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to, it’s important to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. They offer counselling and support for women who have experienced any form of sexual violence, not just rape.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
Rhiannon
17/03/2013
I was out in town one day with a friend and we ran in to two of her friends who were college age. One of them tool her phone Nd she ran after him.. While this happened, I went to the toilet and the other one followed me in and started to feel me up.. I was too scared to scream, and he was feeling my ass and had his hand up my shirt. He let me go after a while, and I went back to her and the boys left. She then said the boy who took her phone had stripped her from the waist down, fingered her and felt her up, I said what the other boy did to me. The boys are now demanding to meet us again, and they know where we live, they say if we don't see them or we go to the police they'll rape us. But if I go to them they'll probably rape me too, I went with them a second time and there were four boys, they made us go to their student rooms and then stripped us and fingered and felt us, two on each of us. Im
Rhiannon - 17/03/2013
ReplyHi Rhiannon,
Thanks for your post, it was cut off mid sentence however.
You need to tell someone you trust about the sexual assualt and the threats these boys have been making. Please understand that being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is totally unacceptable; there are people who can help and support you.
Find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. You can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 as well, or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Remember you can also speak to the police if you have been sexually assaulted. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help.
And if you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
Cassy
17/03/2013
My boyfriend get really annoyed when I don't do as he says and if i talk to one of my friends he doesnt like-it's lead to him grabbing me, prodding me and dragging me to the floor and punching my back. I've brought it up with him in the past and he's Sid he will change and it will never happen again. He knows I have problems such as my eating disorder and I feel this is going to make it worse. He's not like this all the time and after he's really sorry and I forgive him. I'm so confused!
Cassy - 17/03/2013
ReplyHi Cassy,
Thank you for posting.
Please understand that abuse is wrong and never okay. If you’re suffering from physical abuse, signs of which can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour, it’s very important to try and find someone you trust to talk to.
It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).
You can also hear from a survivor of domestic violence here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a8fsrPEaYQ&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=3&feature=plcp