This is ABUSE

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Results: 90 - 105 of 2280

  • Sheila

    16/01/2015

    I've been in a relationship for over 2 years now with my boyfriend. At first he was perfect with me, he treated me so good. Then we started having problems and it all went downhill. The way he talked to me got worse and worse. I was always a slag or a bitch. He tells me He gets angry and says things but never means it. Recently I had. Miscarriage and lost our baby and he was there for ma at the hospital once, but I've never been emotionally supported especially because I had no one to talk to about it. He doesn't like my friends so I can't really talk to them and Everytime I try to talk to him about it he would cut the conversation. I started getting worse, I was crying every night to sleep, he'll call me names and put me down almost every night. Sometimes I almost felt suicidal cause of how he makes me feel about myself. I don't know what to do cause I can't leave him but I'm so miserable with myself and my life most of the time when he puts me down and tells me to do one or die or calls me all the names you can think of

    Sheila - 16/01/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Sheila
      I am so glad you got in touch. It sounds like your boyfriend is being very emotionally abusive. Calling you awful names and putting you down is not acceptable and being angry is absolutely no excuse (although something abusers will commonly use as an excuse and a way to blame the other person).

      You have done nothing wrong and it must be so upsetting for you.
      I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. That is a devastating experience and you deserve and need love and support.
      If you talk to your doctor you should be able to get some counselling if you feel that would help.
      The miscarriage association are also brilliant and offer lots of advice and support. You can ring them on 01924 200799 (Mon-Fri 9am to 4pm) or email them - info@miscarriageassociation.org.uk.

      They also have a support network of people who have also had a miscarriage and are now able to offer support to others. Details are on their website: http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/support/how-we-can-help/

      I am really concerned that you feel suicidal sometimes. If you do feel like this, please contact the Samaritans:
      24 hours a day on 08457 90 90 90
      http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us
      jo@samaritans.org

      You can also call the national domestic violence helpline 24 hours a day for confidential advice on 0808 2000 247.

      It is your choice whether to stay or leave the relationship but they can offer advice no matter what your decision. You deserve to be in a loving and supportive relationship and not all men are abusive. If you do choose to leave they can help you and give you safety advice.

      Here is some advice for staying safe:
      http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/

      Remember you are not alone with this, lots of people can help you.
      I hope this helps,take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 23/01/2015

  • Angie

    15/01/2015

    It happend 6 months ago and I haven't been the same since. I was very drunk and I know that I shouldn't have been. I see him everywhere I go and it makes me so anxious constantly it's really had to cope, I get so scared whilst walking home and it makes me so panicky and I feel like I'm going mad. I want someone to talk to about it but I can't find someone without the police being involved or my family knowing, I don't know what I would do if my mum or dad knew, having to explain everything to them would be awful but I really need someone.

    Angie - 15/01/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Angie

      I am so glad you got in touch. It sounds like you have been through something very traumatic. I am guessing from what you have said that you are talking about sexual assault or rape?

      If so, the fact that you were drunk does not make this your fault in anyway. If you are drunk you are legally not able to consent anyway.

      Any form of sexual abuse is hugely traumatic and can have all sorts of impacts on us. Feeling scared and panicky is normal given what you have been through and that must be even harder if you see him a lot.

      The first thing to do is make sure you are safe if you do see him. I understand that you don't want to tell your family but have you been able to talk to any friends who can support you?

      In terms of talking to someone and recovering from this, the best people to talk to are 'rape crisis'. They are lovely and will be able to listen and support you. You can speak to them confidentially and they won't make you tell the police.

      http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
      freephone helpline - 0808 802 9999
      from: 12 - 2.30pm and 7 - 9.30pm

      You can also search for your local rape crisis centre by putting in your postcode here - http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/centres.php

      I really hope this helps.
      take care
      jo

      This is Abuse team - 20/01/2015

  • John

    15/01/2015

    Hello

    My friend is currently going through a time with her boyfriend as shes explained it to me she doesnt want to be in a relationship with him and currently is feels forced to be in one. Shes tried several times to break up with him but it hasnt worked - he keeps shouting at her and as far as im aware no harm has been done.
    Theyre both in uni and live together(with others) he has been verbally insulting her and threatening her 'by ruining her uni life' he has taken her phone now too and is pretty much on to her 24/7
    i cant contact her in any way possible as hes told her to as he would 'f**k me up'. i used to be with this girl but weve always kept close contact as were very close friends and with her family.
    shes terrified and i have no idea how hes managed to have so much power over her.

    I feel like i need to get down there but i think ill make things worse - i just want to know shes at least constantly safe and sound the very least...

    i managed to get her friend to contact her as the middle man and shes told me that shes still a mess and doesnt know what to do...


    any suggestions ?

    John - 15/01/2015

    Reply
    • Hi John

      Firstly I am very glad you got in touch and also really pleased that your friend has your support as that is really important.

      It does sound very concerning, he is being emotionally abusive and controlling. He is also trying to isolate her from people who can help.

      It is good that your other friend was able to get in touch with her. You say they live with other people - are you or your friend able to get in touch with them to share your concerns? I am sure they will have noticed what is going on to some extent but may also not know what to do for the best.

      There will be people at her uni who can also help - for instance pastoral care, student support etc. It is important that people know what is happening as this will help keep her safe.

      One of you can ring the national domestic violence helpline to get advice on 0808 2000 247. The police can also help.

      This leaflet also gives advice about how to help friends. Having a code word to say if they are in trouble is a good tip.
      http://www.avaproject.org.uk/media/54339/mates%20ava%20final.pdf

      And here is some safety advice for her:
      http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/

      She clearly wants to leave the relationship but will need support to do so safely, especially if they live together - that makes it even more important for the uni to be involved as they can help with that.

      The NUS has a women's officer who is lovely and knows all about supporting students affected by abuse so she may be able to help or at least tell you who to speak to at the uni:
      http://www.nus.org.uk/en/who-we-are/how-we-work/women/

      I really hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 16/01/2015

  • Sheila

    15/01/2015

    I want somebody to call my partner and speak to him because he prevents me from meeting or talking to my family and friends. According to him, I am only for him and no one else. How can I get a helpline to counsel him?

    Sheila - 15/01/2015

    Reply
    • hi Sheila

      You are right to be concerned, controlling who you are allowed to see is emotional abuse and it is not ok.


      The best people for him to speak to would be the respect phoneline but he would need to contact them.

      You can also call them to get advice though which may be good to do first so that you are safe. It may not be safe for you to ask him to call them so get advice from respect first -
      http://www.respectphoneline.org.uk/
      Call freephone 0808 802 4040 Monday-Friday 9am-5pm or email
      info@respectphoneline.org.uk

      He is the only one who can make the change and take responsibility for his behaviour. It is not up to you to change him. Your wellbeing and safety are the most important things.

      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 16/01/2015

  • Dayna

    13/01/2015

    I have been friends with this boy for roughly 5 years. We weren't exactly "close" as he was "popular" and I wasnt. But we spoke every now and then. Once we both had left school, he asked to meet me and see if I wanted to go to the cinema.. I agreed and we did met. However, it didn't turn out the way it had planned for me. I was being pressured into giving oral sex.. I said no and explained how it wouldn't be right.. I went there with the intention of just becoming good friends and getting to know eachother more. In the end o felt forced into doing something I hadnt wanted to do. Is this abuse?

    Dayna - 13/01/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Dayna

      I am sorry to hear about what happened. This is definitely abusive. If he forced you to give him oral sex then this is actually rape.

      I am not sure when this happened, but whether it was yesterday or years ago you are entitled to support and help. You can report it to the police if you want to - that is your choice. Even if you don't want to do that, you can get support from rape crisis who can listen and help you. They can also tell you about local services if you want more help:
      http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
      freephone helpline
      0808 802 9999
      12 - 2.30pm
      7 - 9.30pm


      What happened was not your fault. Abuse of any kind can really affect us so it is important to get support.
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 16/01/2015

  • J

    12/01/2015

    I've been in my relationship for 1 year and 5 months, it's my first relationship and I'm 18. The past 7 months he's gotten very physical towards me, we argue and he blames it all on me and that it's my fault. He will pin me down, head but me, punch my head and various parts of my body, he's lent against my neck so hard I've struggled to breathe, he calls me horrible names then brings my family into the situation. I'm not allowed to wear certain clothes, I can't go out with certain friends let alone go out at all. I still have some faith in this relationship though, I feel like he will grow out of this. It's happened about 10 times in these 7 months, all blamed on me after. I have to lie for him all the time, he makes me feel worthless compared to other girls, I feel like I have to be perfect for him and I can't do or say anything otherwise he will hurt me. Someone moves their arms now in front of me and I flinch or jump back because I feel they're going to hurt me. I know it's not right and I know I should probably get out of This relationship but it seems normal and a part of me really wants to stay with him still, I just don't know what to do

    J - 12/01/2015

    Reply
    • Hi J

      I am really glad you got in touch - I know how hard it can be to tell someone what is going on.

      I don't want to scare or upset you but what you are describing is very serious abuse. I am concerned for your welfare. He is using high levels of physical violence as well as controlling you and isolating you from your friends.

      I want you to understand that this is not your fault in anyway. You do not have to be perfect - no one is, and he should not expect that. Abuse in relationships is not normal.

      I am concerned for your safety and I want you to try to tell people what has been going on - do you feel able to tell your family? Or someone at college/work/your doctor? It is really important that other people know what is happening. It will help you to talk and it will keep you safer.

      You can also call the police at any time on 999 and you can call the free confidential national domestic violence helpline anytime on 0808 2000 247. They can listen and support you, talk you through your options and tell you about local services. You can also search for your local support service using your postcode here: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/azrefuges.asp?section=00010001000800060002&itemTitle=A-Z+of+services

      This is some important information about keeping safe:

      http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/

      I know that part of you wants to stay in the relationship, and only you can make that choice, however the abuse is very serious and unfortunately that is only likely to get worse rather than better. If you do decide to leave, it is important to do so safely (see advice in link above) and do not do it on your own with him. You may also need to change your phone number and not go out alone where he may be.

      I know this sounds scary and overwhelming but you have done the right thing by telling us. Please take the next step and tell other people around you. It's so hard as it's your first relationship but I promise you that most relationships are not abusive. You deserve to be treated with love and respect.

      you can come back here anytime to talk more too,

      I really hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 16/01/2015

  • Leila

    11/01/2015

    On New Years Eve, I arrange to go to this guys house that I had been talking to on and off for 4 months. When I got there, he took me upstairs and pushed me down on the bed straight away and dived on top of me, I tried to push him off but I couldn't so he strangled me and started kissing me and trying to take my clothes off. I managed to get him off and I stood up and started picking my stuff up but he grabbed my arm and hit me, took down his trousers and made me give him oral sex. After, he threw me out his house as his mum came home early. Thank God.

    I told a close friend and he thinks i am making it up for attention and called me a psycho because I haven't told the police. The reason for this is that there is no evidence as my marks have gone and I don't think I could ever put myself through it as I never have to see this guy again as he lives far from me and goes to a different college. This hurt me a lot, and now I darent tell anybody else in case they think the same.

    Leila - 11/01/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Leila
      I am so glad you got in touch. What happened to you must have been really frightening.
      Firstly, you need to know that this was not your fault in any way. I am really sorry that your friend was not more supportive.

      What he did was very abusive, you made it clear that you did not want to have sex but he forced you and used physical abuse to control you. By forcing you to give him oral sex, this is rape.

      It is your decision as to whether you want to report this to the police and even though the marks have gone, you still can report it and they have a duty to investigate. I know how daunting this is though but not matter what I think you need to talk to someone who will understand and can support you.
      I think it would be a good idea to contact rape crisis who are a lovely charity who can listen and advise you. They can also tell you about local services.
      http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
      freephone helpline
      0808 802 9999 from 12 - 2.30pm and 7 - 9.30pm

      They can also talk you through what would happen if you did choose to report it but they will treat what you say confidentially and not make you report if you don't want to.

      This was not your fault and you have done nothing wrong, but your welfare is important and rape can have long lasting impacts so please do get some support,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 12/01/2015

  • gem

    10/01/2015

    I have been with my partner for 10 years now and have 3 young children and expecting my 4th. Recently my partner has became very reliant on alcohol and has started being very abusive towards me although he hasn't hit me as such only pulled my hair, pushed and shoved and spat jn my face. However, the kids are seeing him drunk more and more and he keeps taking all our money and going on binges that can last anywhere up to 2 or 3 days all the while myself and the children have to live on handouts from my mam or nothing. I am now up to my eyeballs in debt that is all in my name and i cannot work as my children are so young. He constantly promises the kids things and then lets them down. It is a joint tenancy on the house so I cannot even ask him to leave and I cannot call the police because social services will become involved. My mental health is suffering badly as I have been living with depress for several years and I'm no longer taking my medication because he makes fun of me taking meds. I long to be away from him but feel like I'll be stuck like this forever as I don't even have friends or family I can stay with. I know I'll be so much better off on my own with my children, we will be so much happier.

    gem - 10/01/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Gem
      I am so glad you got in touch, it sounds like you have had to cope with a huge amount on your own and it is time you got the support you deserve.

      Firstly, abuse is never ok and alcohol use is not an excuse. The welfare of you and your children has to be the priority, especially as you are pregnant again.

      The good news is there are places that can help you.

      In terms of coping with his substance use and violence, Adfam are a brilliant charity who support families where someone is using substances http://www.adfam.org.uk/families
      This link has a postcode search so you can look for local services and there is also a list of helpline numbers.
      http://www.adfam.org.uk/families/find_a_local_support_group/call_a_helpline

      You can also ring the national domestic violence helpline - it is free and open 24 hours a day - 0808 2000 247 - they can give you advice and tell you about more local services.

      In terms of the debt, have you tried talking to the citizens advice bureau? They are trained in giving advice about debt and also understand how domestic violence affects people and finances, they can also help with housing - you can find your nearest one here - http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/about_this_site/get_advice.htm

      Shelter also have a helpline where you can get free housing advice - 0808 800 4444 - it's open 8am–8pm on weekdays and 8am–5pm on weekends

      I think you would also benefit from some legal advice. Rights of women are brilliant and give free, confidential legal advice. They can talk you through your options -
      http://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/

      For women in England and Wales
      Call 020 7251 6577
      Monday 7-9pm, Tuesday 7-9pm, Wednesday 7-9pm, Thursday 7-9pm, Friday 12-2pm
      For women in London
      Call 020 7608 1137
      Monday 11am-1pm, Tuesday 2-4pm, Wednesday 2-4pm

      I am also concerned about your mental health and that you have come off your medication. Can you go back to your doctor and tell them what has been going on? It is important that you get the care that you need and your health is really important. Mental health can be hugely affected by abuse.

      There are lots of options, even though you have a joint tenancy and children together. The most important thing is your safety and wellbeing and all of the organisations I have told you about can help. I know it may feel overwhelming but this is the first stage of your journey towards the happy life you deserve and want.

      I really hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 12/01/2015

  • Hazel

    07/01/2015

    Hi Ive been in my relationship for 5 years at first was good, after the first year he is bad tempered punches things blames me for things that go wrong, calls me soft when I get upset. Swears at me, blames me for not listening, thinks everyone has a personnel vendetta towards him, I cant get out of the house to get away for a few hours, he follows me, or he wont let me leave. I have tried to leave but he stands in my way I can work so have no money and nowhere to go my boys live in the upstairs flat so cant leave.

    Hazel - 07/01/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Hazel

      This sounds very abusive - both physically and emotionally. He is controlling you and isolating you from anyone that can help.

      As you were able to write to us, are you able to use the internet or the phone to get help? You can ring the police on 999 anytime, and you can also ring the national domestic violence helpline 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247. They can give you support and advice. They can also tell you about local services and also refuges where you can go to live safely. I am not sure how old your children are but they may be able to go with you.

      Here are some tips on keeping safe in the meantime.
      http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/

      You don't have to cope with this alone, there is a lot of support here for you. Abuse is very serious and it is important to try to get the help you need and deserve. You can always contact us again too.

      Take care
      jo

      This is Abuse team - 09/01/2015

  • Paula

    07/01/2015

    I'm not sure if there are routes for abusive behaviour which is verbal and mental within a family. The behaviour of one member (influencing a child too) is so engrained that there won't be a change. I can remove myself from that relationship - and have - rather than absorb any more of it but there is still a trail of damage and unjustified comments / statements that function as nothing other than abuse - let them speak for themselves maybe?

    Paula - 07/01/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Paula

      I am not sure if you are talking about a relationship with a partner or a family member.
      It can be very hard when someone is being abusive, especially if children are involved.

      If it is a partner you are concerned about you can call the national domestic violence helpline on 0808 2000 247.
      If it is a family member you can call Family lives http://www.familylives.org.uk/ 0808 800 2222 They also have a live chat and email service.

      I hope this helps
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 16/01/2015

  • NOname??

    07/01/2015

    He never hits me or calls me names, and he has bipolar and ADHD, but he snaps at me a lot if we are over the phone or skyping, and he makes me feel unloved... If I'm with him sometimes he'll accidently grab me too hard, and he apoligizes... I've struggled with abuse in the past that was sexual abuse, but he kinda acts like the others from the past time to time... I have a gret relationship and I don't want to ruin it with this... but I need to know what's going on and why I feel this way.......

    NOname?? - 07/01/2015

    Reply
    • Hi
      Thanks for your message.
      I am sorry that you are finding things hard, it can be really hard when you have had an abusive relationship in the past to not worry about it in current relationships.

      Having bipolar and adhd are not excuses for being abusive but I understand they can affect how people behave. However, abuse is a choice. Have you spoken to him about how his behaviour makes you feel? It sounds like some of the things he does are triggering really upsetting memories and feelings from your past relationships.

      It's hard to say if what he is doing is abusive or not. without more info. I would try and talk to him and also talk to your friends and family as well so they know what is going on.

      Healthy relationships are based on love and respect and that is exactly what you deserve.
      It may also be useful for you to talk to someone about what happened in your last relationship. Sexual abuse is very traumatic and can have huge impacts on us and how we feel in future relationships.
      You can call rape crisis - http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
      freephone helpline
      0808 802 9999

      or the national domestic violence helpline (24hours) 0808 2000 247 to get support and find out about local support or your GP can refer you for counselling.

      take care
      jo

      This is Abuse team - 16/01/2015

  • Jack

    06/01/2015

    Hello there...

    My friend is currently in what i believe to be in an abusive relationship, as has been for a number of months.

    I first noticed it when she told me she had to be careful what she was saying, as her boyfriend was continuously checking her phone. Now its gotten a lot worse..... Shes not allowed to speak to me and it looks like she avoids me, when i get texts from her it tells me to "F*** off" which i believe is her boyfriend saying so, she's forced to never talk to the parents of her last boyfriend (he passed away last year), and all i ever see from her is "I LOVE YOU *THIS PERSON* XXXXXXXX I DONT WANNA LOSE YOU"........ me and this person gotten really close, almost like brother and sister, and now i havent heard from her in months.

    I feel its my fault though. When her old boyfriend died, we became friends, talked 24/7 and she developed a crush on me.... we even kissed once..... but when i told her i wasnt ready to go out or be in a relationship,, i think i must have driven her away. I was going through serious depression and anxiety so i didnt know where my head was at. So i think its my fault, and i feel so guilty.

    Me and my other friends have been continuously talking about how to sort this out, but unfortunately its been "all say, no do". Theres just no way we can interfere without putting her in danger, and that makes me angry as all i want to do is to save her from this nightmare.

    I just dont know what to do anymore....... i miss her.....

    Jack - 06/01/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Jack
      I am really glad you got in touch and your friend is lucky to have you looking out for her.

      Firstly I want to say that this is in no way your fault. You were not ready for a relationship and that is absolutely fine. The way this guy is behaving is his responsibility and no one else's.

      It can be really hard knowing that someone you care about is being abused, and it can be difficult to know what to do for the best, I am glad that you have other friends around that you are talking to about this.

      I know you don't want to make things worse for her but the only way for things to get better and to keep her safe is to tell people and get help.
      I am not sure how old you all are but you can tell someone like a teacher, doctor, parent - anyone you trust to help. Is there anytime when you see her without him around? I am not sure if you are at school/college together or not?

      Here is a leaflet I wrote which might help as it is aimed at people worried about their friends:
      http://www.avaproject.org.uk/media/54339/mates%20ava%20final.pdf

      I really urge you to tell someone as this is serious and your friend needs help. You can also call the police or the national domestic violence helpline on 0808 2000 247 anytime.

      I really hope this helps,
      take care
      jo

      This is Abuse team - 09/01/2015

  • Leigh

    04/01/2015

    Hey

    This might sound a bit silly but I'm not sure whether you would class this as abuse or whether I'm overreacting? I split up with my boyfriend recently because of too many arguments, but since then he has started rather vicious rumours that I have been sleeping with people behind his back when I definitely haven't. He says that he's got evidence and proof off one of my 'friends' and he taunts me by refusing to tell me who I've apparently done it with or who told him about it. It's been driving me insane, his only answer to any of the questions I ask is 'you know' when I quite clearly don't. Not only has this been happening, but he and his friends have been posting about me being an 'unloyal hoe' and turning people against me because I can't defend myself when I don't know who or what I'm supposed to have done! He's taken it a step to far now by proceeding to open talk out our sex life on social media sites and tell other people lies about our sex life, this had all been going on now for about a week and it's mentally draining me...I don't really know what to do.

    Leigh - 04/01/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Leigh

      That sounds really horrible and I am not surprised you are upset and confused. What he is doing is emotionally abusive and controlling. It must feel awful to have him spreading these rumours, especially when you can't defend yourself. It sounds like he is trying to hurt you after ending the relationship which is no ok at all.

      I would suggest blocking him and his friends on social media. If he is posting things about you on social media sites you can report the posts and ask the website to remove them.
      You can also contact childline on 0800 1111 and they can help you through this and also help you get the stuff taken down: http://www.childline.org.uk/explore/onlinesafety/Pages/Sexting.aspx (this link is about sexting which is more to do with sharing images but the principle is the same).

      It would also be a good idea to tell people around you what has been happening, can you talk to a teacher at school?

      Please do get some help with this as you do not deserve this, you have done nothing wrong and you don't have to try to cope alone,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 09/01/2015

  • Shantelle

    01/01/2015

    I was at a social event with a group of university friends, I met this guy who was 27 and I was 19. I got drunk with my friends and started to dance with the guy. He asked me whether I could come to his flat and I agreeded, the he asked me whether I wanted to have sex with him, I said no because I had a fiancé at the time. The guy forced himself on to me and said 'just tell your fiancé it was a one night stand'. I did tell him that so the guy who raped me wouldn't hurt me again. I told my fiancé that I was raped because I couldn't remember what had happened on that night but he and his family didn't believe. They think I'm crazy and they hate me because they thought I had a one night stand. I have self harmed and tried to kill myself, I think I need some professional help.

    Shantelle - 01/01/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Shantelle

      I am so very sorry to hear that you were raped. That is a awfully traumatic and abusive thing to happen to you.
      It sounds like you did everything you could and you are not to blame. Even if you had wanted to have sex, legally you could not consent as you were drunk so it still would have been rape - but you were very clear that you did not want to.

      I am so sorry that your fiance and his family don't believe you, that is awful as it takes such courage to tell someone what happened and being believed is so important. I understand why you are so upset but I am very concerned that you have self-harmed and tried to kill yourself. This is very serious. If you feel like this again I want you to get help straight away - you can ring the samaritans 24 hours a day on 08457 90 90 90 http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us or email: jo@samaritans.org

      Or Papyrus help people under 35 who self harm or are suicidal.

      https://www.papyrus-uk.org/
      Call: 0800 068 41 41 - Mon-Fri: 10am-10pm, weekends & bank holidays: 2pm-5pm
      Email: pat@papyrus-uk.org
      SMS: 07786 209697

      Please do talk to them, you can also go to your local A&E department.

      In terms of the rape, I think it is important that you get support to cope with what happened. The best people to talk to are Rape Crisis who are lovely and can offer you support, advice and tell you about local services:

      http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
      freephone helpline
      0808 802 9999
      12 - 2.30pm
      7 - 9.30pm

      What happened to you was rape and was not your fault. You deserve support and love, I hope these services are able to help you,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 07/01/2015

  • One

    31/12/2014

    This will probably sound like a stupid question, and I'm not sure that I've worded it well, so please bear with me...

    I would consider that a relationship where the man repeatedly has non-consensual sex with the woman (i.e. rapes her) would always be considered abusive by definition - regardless of the exact nature of the rape (e.g. violent or otherwise).

    Would you agree?

    One - 31/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi
      Thanks for your message, it is not stupid at all and it's always good to ask if you are unsure about anything.

      Rape is rape. This is regardless of whether you know the person, are in a relationship with them or if they are a stranger. It is rape whether there is accompanying violence or not. If someone does not have your consent but they continue to have sex with you then that is rape.

      Also, you do not have to say 'no' to not give your consent.
      There is some more info about this here -
      http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assault/consent
      and
      http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assault

      I am not sure if this has happened to you or not, but if so the best thing to do would be to talk to rape crisis who can support you -
      http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
      freephone helpline
      0808 802 9999
      12 - 2.30pm
      7 - 9.30pm

      Rape is very abusive and very traumatic and can have long lasting impacts on all areas of our lives, so it is best to get support as you do not have to cope with this alone.

      I hope this helps, come back anytime if you have more questions,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 02/01/2015

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