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This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

HAVE YOUR SAY

Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships or ask a question to one of our trained advisors

If you've got something you'd like to talk about regarding any kind of relationship abuse, come and Have Your Say on our message board. And if you’re worried about anything to do with abuse, whether it’s in your own relationship or a friend’s, you can ask one of our trained experts for advice.

Have a read through the discussion boards, the chances are you'll be able to talk with someone who's gone through similar experiences to your own.

Seen the ads? What do you think?

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape

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  • Emotional Abuse

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  • Controlling Behaviour

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  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP

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  • Mandem On The Wall

    A trio of friends meet at the place they love to jam - The Wall. Tinie Winie has a new girlfriend and with advice from the Mandem crew learns how to treat her with respect. The trouble is he gets it wrong and ends up becoming someone he doesn't want to be....

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  • Twist and Pulse

    Twist and Pulse visit George Mitchell school to perform their latest dance routine for the pupils and talk to them to see if they are in the know about relationships.

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  • Charlie McDonnell

    Watch Charlie McDonnell’s video about Sex, and most importantly, about Consent.

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  • Bedroom

    Is controlling who a partner sees or speaks to abuse?

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  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it

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  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it

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  • Sam & Alice

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  • If you could see yourself

    Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.

    [538 comments]

  • Zoe's story

    Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.

    [538 comments]

  • Party

    Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?

    [100 comments]

  • School

    Is bullying, controlling and putting a partner down abuse?

    [79 comments]

  • Takeaway

    Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?

    [169 comments]

TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS

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Results: 90 - 105 of 2036

  • cody

    13/03/2014

    Its not about me its about my bestfriend,she's been in a relationship 7months and her boyfriend pushes her and calles her a slag and everything I know its not proper abuse but it's still some what do I do

    cody - 13/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Cody,
      Thanks for your message. Domestic abuse is a pattern of threatening behaviour which can be physical, sexual, financial and emotional. Abusers use these methods to have power and control over their victims.
      Your friend is in an abusive relationship and it is likely that over time the abuse will continue and even escalate.
      I would suggest you try and speak to your friend and tell her your concerns and offer her your support. You can both find more information on abuse at www.womensaid.org.uk or your friend can call the National Domestic Violence helpline on 0808 2000 247.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 15/03/2014

  • Darren

    13/03/2014

    Hi , I really need your help and advice , I'm currently married for 2 and a half years but been together for 8 years in total... But I have just found out recently that my wife has been having an affair with and is now living and back with her emotional abusive ex boyfriend who she knew from school... 8 years ago she had no confidence at all and her partner would drive and go everywhere with her she also had no friends .... so she told me that she was unhappy and then we got together and I saw the beauty with in her inside and out and told her to make herself feel happy and confident again and to make friends and so on .... Anyhow moving on 6 years into our relationship we got married (no problems) and then shortly after I became seriously ill with blood clots in my lungs in 2013.... shortly after my wife tells me that she is leaving me to go back to her ex boyfriend who is abusive to her... We have only been apart for 2 months but he has done so much damage in 2 months I am really worried for my wife safety in the long term.... as at the moment I am a sitting duck , as her family don't seem to be botherd and since the break up they haven't spoken to me..... so I have no support at present from anyone... I have spoken to a councillor and I am on the NHS waiting List to be seen ....... Shortly after the break up my wife tells me she wants a divorce without giving any reason why apart frm she is with her ex but what I mean is in terms of why she is leaving me ) I have spoken to her and have met her in private and everything was ok until 12/2/14 - she just changed personallity wise and her nice clothes she normally wears - shes changed that also its a no cofidence look (as if to say no other man would look at me ) in the 2 months I have experienced the following emotional abuse signs

    1. Being Angry at me and her best friend ( who she lives in cornwall and we live in london ) Being Angry with us for no reason - also she has no real true friends apart frm me and her best friend in cornwall... NO friends / change in personality ...

    3.. is stuck in a rountine everyday - does a 3hr job - mon - fri and then looks after her dog and serves him any way he sees fit for example - cooking , cleaning , sex or when they go out its always together by car ....

    4.. her abuser is her best friend now .... don't need any other friends .....

    5...finanical provider - does not allow her to pay any bills and the house he lives in is rented and is in his name - so my wife is now in a co dependant situation on him( can't say no to him )

    6. have no contact with my wife , despite given her space which i am doing - what i mean is if i want to have a chat or if its to do with my illness i can't call her - she has gone cold on me ?

    7. her ex / boyfriend has serious jealous/ possessive issues

    8.. isolation - mind control / anger emotions - my wife turning against me and her friends ... He is also very controlling..

    9. Normal- looks like all the things he is doing look normal .... Also had a call from my wife to ask me to put through the divorce - So that he can rush to committ to relationship with her...

    10.. intimidate people - he has been treating to me on 2 attemps in the past ....

    So bottom line is I have seen an sudden change in my wife and its full of anger and rage towards me and her friends or anyone who this ex boyfriend does not like....

    so what am i dealing with here

    1. my wife
    or

    2. his emotional abuse mind control - turning her against me .....

    beacuse no matter what i or her friend says or do she has a brick wall around her and he is the only one with the key .....

    I mean she got away from him so why go back ?

    Im doing my best by seeing an NHS councillor soon and getting my life back on track but its not easy...

    I need your expert advice on my situation ..

    Kind regards

    Darren ....

    Darren - 13/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Darren,
      Thanks for getting in touch. You have so much to deal with right now I am glad to here that you have been referred for some support. I can hear how you desperately want to help your ex-partner, however we can’t make people see what we see. Very often people who are in abusive relationships live in denial or are unable to see that the abuse is their partners fault and not theirs.
      If she has asked for space then you have to respect her wishes and be ready for when she asks for your support otherwise you can push her further away. I would suggest you look at www.womensaid.org.uk where you will find more information on how you can offer support.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 13/03/2014

  • abbiemarie

    13/03/2014

    Hi i'm a 16 year old girl and im in a relationship for 5 years now and im scared that my boyfriend might be cheating on me with an another girl and when i asks him about it.. he gets mad and punches the wall and then punches me and he says he's sorry and when i asks him about different things.. like where have you been... who have you been with.. and if he was cheating again.. he attacks me and hits me in the face and pushes me on to the floor and kicks me and i love him too bit .. I don't too lose him i want too be with him but i just don't know what too do

    abbiemarie - 13/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Abbie

      Thank you for your message. I was very concerned to read about what you have been going through. It sounds like you have been with your boyfriend for a long time and since you were quite young. Is it only recently that this abuse has started? The way he is reacting to you is very abusive and totally wrong. It is never ok to be abusive in any way and I am concerned for your safety.

      Does anyone else know what has been happening? Do you have any injuries that need medical attention - if you do please go to the doctors or A&E as soon as possible.

      It is important that other people know what is happening as it will help to keep you safe. I understand that you love him, but what is happening is very serious and not healthy. This should not be happening in a relationship.

      I can't comment on whether he may be cheating or not, but I understand why you would be upset at the thought that he might. Even if he is not and is upset by you questioning him, it is never ok to react with violence.

      If you want to talk to us more, we have a live chat every mon-fri between 5-7pm. You can also call the national helpline anytime on 0800 2000 247, or you can tell a teacher or another adult that you trust. You can also google the name of the area you live in and 'domestic violence support' and you should get details of where you can go for help and advice.

      I know it can be scary and really confusing when someone you love is hurting you, but it is really important that you don't try and cope with this on your own,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 14/03/2014

  • L

    13/03/2014

    I think I may be in a non violent abusive relationship. I have been with my husband since 1996 and our relationship has been volatile at times. We have split several times but I have always gone back for the sake of our children. In the early days he would tell me no one else would want me or put up with me. As the years have passed he has started taking care of the household finances and everything is paid to him. I don't work as he doesn't want me to. I started university in 2010 but he got funny and even ruined a few budding friendships I had. I didn't graduate due to the fact I could not afford the cost of transport. I am now studying hairdressing at college and my husband told me he would help with the cost of the course, he paid the first couple of installments now won't pay the rest saying I will have to give college up. College is only one day a week and that is the only day I get to leave the house. I live in a very rural area and we do not have enough petrol in the car for me to get to our nearest town to go out. He will give me petrol money enough to get to college and back or to go to the shop and that is it.
    every time we argue he tells me I know where the door is or he threatens to leave me and dissappear. He has recently started telling me again that no one would want me or put up with me. I am extremely unhappy and am awake most nights crying. I tried talking to my dad about this but he said my husband was a good man and I should stick with him as he has looked after me. My husband is never lets on to other people what he is like. He also doesn't like me going to see my family and is always telling me my family never bother to visit so they can't be bothered with me.

    I feel really cut off and don't know what to do, we have three kids aged 17, 12 and 15 and I have stayed with him for their sakes as I was affected by my parents very bad divorce at a young age. I feel as if I have no one to turn to and don't know what to do. I know things have to change but am worried I won't cope on my own as my husband constantly tells me I wouldn't cope on my own. Please HELP ME!!

    L - 13/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi L,
      Thank you for getting in touch. Your partner is very abusive towards you both emotionally and financially. He seems to have isolated you from all you support networks and therefore you feel like there is no way out, but there is and please don’t not feel in anyway that this abuse if your fault.
      Emotional abuse can be overlooked by those on the outside and very often our abusers will put on a different persona to make people think they are ‘a good person’ which makes it hard for us to speak out about the abuse.
      I understand your reasons for staying in this relationship for the sake of the children. However the impact domestic abuse has on children who live with and witness domestic abuse can be devastating on their emotional well-being and can lead them to believe that this behaviour is normal and acceptable.
      I would recommend you contact www.womensaid.org.uk or call the National Domestic Violence helpline on 0808 2000 247 who will be able to offer you support and information.
      We also have live chat sessions which run Mon-Fri 5-7pm.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 15/03/2014

  • Claire

    12/03/2014

    I don't know where to start and unsure if this is abuse or not. I am in a gay relationship and have been for a few years.I feel trapped isolated and alone. There are two sets of rules. One for me and one for my partner.
    My partner I believe has become controlling over who I see who I measage and who I have contact with. It is deemed that if I have friends then there is ulterior motive as my world involving friends and my partner should never come together yet it is ok the other way around. My family and friends have stopped messaging or calling me as they know it will cause grief for me. My boss at work is aware of the personal pressure and has been great but I feel I am letting everyone down. I can't use my phone without being questioned or accused of seeing someone or deleting evidence. If I check or respond to a message then I am told I am on my phone all day. Literally I just read or reply to one message. It makes me feel I shouldn't reply to messages as I shouldn't be on my phone yet my partner is rarely off their phone? It confuses me because I don't know what I am allowed or what is right. We clash over the kids all the time because my partner feels I am far too strict and then moans when the kids don't do things for her. So if the children don't eat their meal I say they can't have sweeties where she will give them whatever they ask. The kids will even refuse my answer as they see her as the boss and not me. I get told off for things I think are stupid like giving the dog attention instead of her. I mean surely I can pet my dog? Or shouldn't I? I mean what is normal? My mail is opened and checked. If not opened then steamed open to view and resealed. I know because my partner lets slip the contents. Any parcels I get are opened. Anything addressed to me is for all to see. In regards to finances I have to account for what money I have and where
    It is from despite paying my share of household bills childcare bills and such. Shouldn't pot of cash left over be mine or hers or both? I have never gone joint money wise I always assumed that if joint bills were paid what is left pays my debt only... Is this wrong? How does it work with friends? I have written 2 good friends out of my life. One since school. My partner believes you start as you mean to go on so if you have no friends and no social life that is how it stays. I went to uni and met a friend. But can't see them. Surely one meets new people as you go through life new relationships so can I be friends or is this deemed as going back on what was agreed as my partner says at the start of our relationship? Despite that she meets new people and forges new friendships? I am so confused as it is very different for her than it is to me yet she constantly tells me I control her and asks if she can have tv on or do x y or z. I tell her it is up to her not me yet she then makes some snotty remark. I feel a train wreck. I can't wait until my partner is at work to let my hair down and cry. I feel trapped. It has been physical. But it is okay i am making it out to be more than it was as only a shove a push and a slap. But she dragged me across the room threw me on floor and slapped me twice. And it hurt but I brought it on. She said I am a waste of space how can she be with a loser like me. Wasting time on me after all I have done to her. I feel I am to blame. I did this. Please am I going mad or is this person over stepping the mark. I have so many examples but feel I am going crazy. I can't leave due to kids and feel so isolated.

    Claire - 12/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Claire

      Thanks for your message, I am really glad you got in touch. What is happening to you is not ok and is very abusive both emotionally and physically. Also, I want to be clear that none of this is your fault.

      It must be really difficult and confusing right now, and I understand who things are more complicated because of the kids.

      The good news is you do not have to go through this alone, there are people who can help and you do have options.
      The best place to start is broken rainbow who are the national LGBT domestic abuse charity. They have a helpline and you can also email them or live chat.
      http://www.brokenrainbow.org.uk/
      0300 999 5428

      We also have a live chat every week night from 5-7pm.
      It is important that you tell people about what is happening so you can get support and stay safe. Remember that this is not your fault, you are being totally reasonable with your expectations about the relationship and you deserve to be treated with love and respect.

      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 14/03/2014

  • sjj

    12/03/2014

    Hey I've never normally done this sort of thing, but i have been on and off with my boyfriend for nearly three years now, he is sweet at heart but has a temper, he has never hit me nor do i think he would. But he scares me, when he gets angry he calls me names swears at me and makes me feel that everything is my fault. I try to tell him how i feel and he says i need to man up. Ive broken up with him 3 times and he comes back crying saying he loves me etc, but yet doesnt respect my views or feelings, he also always asks me for sexual pictures.... I love him but i feel trapped? Am i just being pathetic? Im not perfect i know i have done wrong but im dont know if im thinking to much

    sjj - 12/03/2014

    Reply
    • It is really confusing when you are in a relationship with someone who is sweet some of the time but scares you other times. Some of things you partner is doing scare you and he knows they scare you as you made that clear. You have ended this relationship on a number of occasions because of this and yet this continues to happen. It is not OK for one person to intimidate another within a relationships.

      No one is perfect but no-one should be scared by the person they are having relationship with. You might want to talk about his more and the Men's Advice Line would be a good place contact. They are really easy to talk too Their number is 0808 801 0327 they are open Mon-Fri 9-5

      Neil

      This is Abuse team - 14/03/2014

  • Brian

    12/03/2014

    Hi,
    I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now and i'm starting to get a little worried. About 8 months ago, we had our first time together (sex). We both wanted to and I kept asking her before hand to make sure that she was sure herself that she wanted to.

    Anyway, we ended up agreeing and one thing went to another. But I started to get worried because since that day, my girlfirend is always asking me to be 'controlling' of her. She is always asking me and telling me that she wants me to be controlling of what she wears and what she does, at first I thought it might of just been some little fase she was going through and I ignored it, but it carried on.

    Now, she will wear tight shorts and short tops, and then tell me to have a go at her and tell her to put something more covering on.

    There has even been times when she has asked me to hit her.... I've never done any of this at any point, but im starting to get really worried about it, I try telling her that the things she's asking me to do are not normal, but she just carries on asking me.

    I've even tried talking to her about her past realtionships ive been that worried and I have a feeling that she may of been in an abusive relationship before I met her.

    What can I do?

    Brian - 12/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Brian

      Thank you for your message, you are right to be concerned. It is very unusual for someone to request that their partner is abusive or controlling to them and I am very glad that you have not done so.

      You may be right that she has experienced abuse in the past although this is still an unusual response but abuse affects people in very different ways and it can take a long time to recover.

      It sounds like you are doing the right thing and being supportive. Perhaps you can show her this website and explain why you are worried. We have a live chat service every week night from 5-7pm. Maybe you could see if she wants to come on here and talk to us confidentially?

      It is important that you do not give in and respond abusively to her, just keep being supportive. It may also help for you to talk to someone though as this must be really hard for you to cope with. Are you able to talk to friends or family or someone else you trust like a tutor or doctor?

      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 14/03/2014

  • MC

    12/03/2014

    About a year ago, I was in a relationship with someone I really loved. But then everything went wrong and he started becoming obsessive and controlling. He wouldn't let me be with my friends, he demanded my Facebook password to read my messages and text messages, he kinda threw me about like I was a doll and sometimes touch inappropriately without my permission. I ended the relationship but we have remained friends because we are still at school and thought it would maybe be easier to be friends since we will see each other every day. But even now, he wants to see my messages and still sometimes touch when I don't want him to. I just can't wait to leave school in a few months then I won't have to see him again. Before, I didn't realise that the relationship was abuse. I realise now and I really wish I had done something about it at the time

    MC - 12/03/2014

    Reply
    • Dear MC,

      Thanks for posting here. What’s happened to you is definitely abusive and I am really pleased you’ve seen it for what it is.

      You mention that you are not together any more, but he is still using abusive behaviours towards you. Checking your messages and touching you without consent are absolutely not okay.

      I think it would be a really good idea to talk with someone about what is happening. Is there a teacher that you could confide in? One of your parents or another adult that you trust?

      You don’t mention how old you are but if you are over 16 you might want to call the National 24 hour domestic violence helpline on 0808 2000 247. If you are under 18 you could call a counsellor at Childline on 0800 1111.

      If you prefer you can chat with an advisor here on weekdays 5pm-7pm.

      I hope you do get some support with this.

      Take Care,

      Brian


      This is Abuse team 13/03/2014

  • Sam

    12/03/2014

    Hi

    I don't really know where to start here.

    I think i'm in an abusive relationship without the physical violence. Is that possible?

    Ive been in a same sex relationship for nearly 3 and a half years and at first it was good going. Me, her and her son would go out together, have fun, watch movies etc... it was all pretty good.

    For the past couple of years though, I feel like i've not been allowed to have friends, see family, work overtime or even wash my car it seems.

    I'll get straight to the point. One day, I was going to visit my dad for dinner as we always did on a Monday night. She wasn't too happy with this and at this point she was already in a bad mood with me for something or other. She accused me of cheating on her with someone from work, told me I was pathetic and that she didn't even know why she was with me. Fair enough, if she wanted to end the relationship that's fine. All she had to do is say.

    But the minute I told her I had to go and we would talk later she flew off the handle basically. She slammed the klitchen door so hard it made my fire alarms go off. Punched walls, doors and worktops and also screamed at me. I honestly thought she was going to swing for me but surprisingly enough, she didn't. I had to tell my neighbour if she did that again they were to call the police as I don't even know what she would have been capable of. To this day, she still hasn't apologised.

    So we split up for about 3 months. Then she apologised again, said she was stupid for doing that, swore it would never happen again etc. I stupidly believed her.

    Last night, she did the exact same thing. Right in front of her son this time. Her son was crying so much I thought he was going to be sick and I wasn't even allowed near him to comfort him (this also has an affect on her son in mental issues aswell but that's off topic). We had argued that day because I didn't know what to get up to since it was my day off. She was sleeping so I washed my car. As she woke up while I was still in the processes of washing my car, this is was unacceptable and I had to drop absolutely everything to please her. I was not willing to do that. I swore to myself I wouldn't be the victim again. So she invited me round that night and then it all kicked off. A

    So here I am now. Not knowing what to do.

    She's left me in huge debt since she moved out the first time, and also insinuated that she is suicidal. It's like a vicious circle. She argues and shouts at me, I leave, then she says sorry and goes suicidal.

    I'm honestly at my wits end. I just don't know how to get out of it, or what to do.

    I know there's more I could tell, but there's just not enough time in the day.

    Any help would be widely appreciated as it's affecting my work, social life and health.

    Thanks in advance.

    Sam - 12/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Sam,

      Thanks for your message. I’m sorry to hear that you’re having such a tough time at the moment. Abuse does not have to be physical there are many ways in which an abuser can control us such as emotional abuse. This type of abuse can be very difficult for victims to see the signs. Your partner sounds very controlling and insecure and although she hasn’t physically harmed you she is using bullying tactics to make you feel scared and worry that she may take her own life.
      I’m concerned that her child is witnessing this behaviour which is very damaging and can have an enormous impact on their mental health and physical development.

      I would suggest you contact Broken Rainbow who can offer advice and support to Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender victims of domestic abuse www.broken-rainbow.org.uk or help@brokenrainbow.org.uk they also have a helpline 0300 999 5428 which you can contact Mondays and Thursdays 10-8pm and Tuesdays and Wednesdays 10-5pm.

      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 13/03/2014

  • m

    12/03/2014

    i am 15 years old and have been in a relationship for over 2 years now with someone a bit older than me. ever since a month or so into the relationship i knew he was different. he cheated on me straight away, but i forgave him, but he then continued to do it 5 more times. it got to the point where our relationship was normal again, it was perfect. after meeting his family, i started to see what my boyfriend was really like. his family are alcoholics, they are violent, they swear and they don't get on. my boyfriend started getting angrier with me easily, he started mentally abusing me. every day he would say something nasty. due to how is family raised him he started physically hurting me, he slaps, bites, punches, strangles, all of it. if i ever hit him back he will hit me back ten times worse. in recent September he cheated on me once again, this caused me to overdose, and start hurting myself. i felt i couldn't live without him after spending almost every day with him. he means the world to me, i love him. but now his violence has come back worse, its daily that he abuses me now. i don't know what to do and i feel so low. i feel like i have nobody.

    m - 12/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi M,
      Thank you for your message. Your relationship is very abusive and I am concerned that your partners behaviour has made you feel so low that you have overdosed and have started to harm yourself. Please understand that what is happening to you is not your fault .
      I understand that you feel alone and have nobody but I strongly recommend that you speak to someone who can help you as it is highly likely that this abuse will continue and the violence will increase. You could contact www.womensaid.org.uk or contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline on (freephone) 0808 2000 247.
      We also have live chat sessions Mon-Fri 5-7pm.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 13/03/2014

  • Grace

    12/03/2014

    I was in a mentally abusive relationship for a year. It resulted in me trying to take my own life as I just couldn't see a way out, or any future for myself. I suffered the abuse from him daily whether it was in person or via texts. At the time I'd make excuses for him and even defend him, as I genuinely believed it was me that was the problem. I figured I deserved to be treated like that. I frequently found myself sitting, crying and having the most vile poisonous insults thrown at me. It sounds ridiculous but often I just wished he physically lash out at me and then walk away, rather than just drag out the verbal abuse day after day.
    That was over a year ago now. I've blocked him at all possible sources and have had so much help from a mental health team. I can now say the words "I wasn't the problem! HE was the problem!". On occasion he'll send an insulting text but its died out a lot. I'm so much stronger now, his words don't affect me at all anymore, it's a powerful feeling. There's still a lot of work for me to do to get fully well but I'm persevering with it. I NEVER want to be in that place again. My ambition now is to try and help other victims of domestic abuse. No one should ever have to go through it!

    Grace - 12/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Grace,
      Thank you for sharing your story. I’m saddened to hear that you felt so low that you didn’t think there was any other way out other than suicide. Many victims who experience emotional abuse go on to have some form of mental health issue due to the tactics their abusers have used to control them. I’m glad to hear that you found the right support you needed and that you had the strength to cut ties with your abuser.
      Abuse is never the victims fault and for anyone who needs advice and support I would recommend they contact www.womensaid.org.uk or the National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 13/03/2014

  • lucy jenkins

    12/03/2014

    I've been in a relationship for 2 years now and we have a baby together. Since being pregnant things changed. My boyfriend would call me ugly and fat and when he would get angry he would either throw me to the floor, push my head down into a quilt and other stuff. He claims he does it all because of me. He says I moan a lot and that's what makes him do the things he does. We argued the other day unfortunately in front of our little boy and he almost threw me into him. I want to be with him as we have a family but I just can't put up with this anymore. If its not physical abuse its always verbal abuse

    lucy jenkins - 12/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lucy,
      Thanks for your message. It is very common for domestic abuse to start during pregnancies this is mainly due to your attention been taken away from the them and focusing on yourself and your unborn child. Abusers tend to start off with emotional abuse in order to make us feel worthless which really affects our self-esteem. I’m worried to her that your son had witnessed this abuse and if he continues to see you being abused it can have damaging effects on this physical and emotional development.
      I would suggest you contact your local domestic abuse service or contact www.womensaid.org.uk for advice and support. You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 13/03/2014

  • SA

    11/03/2014

    Last year I was in a relationship with a guy that constantly upset me and made me feel worthless and small, to which now I realise, was so that I would be too weak to reject him when he wanted to have sex, he said I was stupid and frigid for not wanting to when I said I didn't want to. Only a few people know and I really struggle with it sometimes, I left the relationship eventually but he still tries to make me feel horrible even now and unfortunately I have to see him nearly every day. I'm still at school and just trying to finish my last year or so. Just feeling really low still. I'm constantly thinking if I have made a mistake to not press charges.

    SA - 11/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi,
      Thanks for your message. Many people who abuse us will start with emotional abuse making us feel worthless like you say. Everyone has the right to say no to sex and should not feel forced into anything that they don’t want to do. Legally you have to be 16 years to have sex. I would recommend you contacting www.rapecrisis.org.uk or call the national helpline 0808 802 9999 who can offer advice and support to victims including specific advice for under 18’s.
      We offer live chat sessions Mon-Fri 5-7pm if you want to come and chat.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 12/03/2014

  • Sarah

    11/03/2014

    I really love my boyfriend. He has a temper at times and gets inside my head and can make me feel stupid and worthless. :( I'm so sad because I love him completely. The other night we argued and I know I'm not innocent and can say things I know gets him annoyed but he said he wanted to kill me and punch my face, head but me and kill me. He doesn't mean it but I'm scared of him. He does physically hurt me but not often. I really love him but I'm scared of him and I don't want to be scared of him. :(

    Sarah - 11/03/2014

    Reply
    • Thanks for your message. Your partner is very abusive towards you both emotionally and physically. No one has the right to treat someone this way and please do not blame yourself for your partners actions. Domestic abuse is NEVER the victims fault even though many victims often blame themselves and say that they push their partners buttons. I know that it can be very difficult and confusing to work out why someone we love is hurting us and what it is we should do.
      I would recommend you contacting www.womensaid.org.uk or call them on their freephone number 0808 2000 247. We also have live chat session Mon-Fri 5-7pm.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 12/03/2014

  • Rose

    11/03/2014

    I have been with my boyfriend for three years, and last weekend he had quite a lot to drink. When we got back home (we planned to have a nice night in watching films with a takeaway even though he'd been drinking all day) he practically fell straight to sleep which had annoyed me a lot. Then a few hours later he sprawled across the bed, and my typical reaction was just to push him off telling him to move over as he was squashing me, but then he was forcing his body down so I couldn't move him off me so I said to him "Can you get off?", I was still struggling to get him off me as it was really uncomfortable and he just sat up and started repeatedly punching me. He was doing it so much it got to the point where I had to scream to get him off me. When I ran up off the bed, he just turned over and went to sleep as if nothing happened. At the moment he is being the dream boyfriend, continuously telling me he's sorry and that he loves me, although I know everyone will ask - how can he do that to you if he loves you? The only thing that's stopping me walking away is he has never done this in the three years we have been together and he was very drunk, and the fact he just turned over and went to sleep after makes it obvious to me he was in a different state of mind. I haven't really written on here for advice, I just felt like I needed to tell someone anonymous, because I keep looking at the bruises on my arm and it reminds me of it constantly. This subject is forever on my mind since it happened, and I don't want to leave him but I want to make it very clear to him I don't want it to happen again.

    Rose - 11/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Rose,
      Thanks for your message. Alcohol is never a reason for someone’s actions it is an excuse, how many people did your partner come into contact while he was out? Did he attack any of those? Chance is that he didn’t therefore why wait till he came home to you? It sounds as though this incident has really shaken you and I know that you don’t want to end the relationship but I would recommend you looking at www.womensaid.org.uk where you will find information.
      I would also suggest that you speak with your partner again if its safe to do so and make it clear how his behaviour has effected you. Your partner might want to think about seeking some support for himself.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 12/03/2014

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