This is ABUSE

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Results: 90 - 105 of 2268

  • Leigh

    04/01/2015

    Hey

    This might sound a bit silly but I'm not sure whether you would class this as abuse or whether I'm overreacting? I split up with my boyfriend recently because of too many arguments, but since then he has started rather vicious rumours that I have been sleeping with people behind his back when I definitely haven't. He says that he's got evidence and proof off one of my 'friends' and he taunts me by refusing to tell me who I've apparently done it with or who told him about it. It's been driving me insane, his only answer to any of the questions I ask is 'you know' when I quite clearly don't. Not only has this been happening, but he and his friends have been posting about me being an 'unloyal hoe' and turning people against me because I can't defend myself when I don't know who or what I'm supposed to have done! He's taken it a step to far now by proceeding to open talk out our sex life on social media sites and tell other people lies about our sex life, this had all been going on now for about a week and it's mentally draining me...I don't really know what to do.

    Leigh - 04/01/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Leigh

      That sounds really horrible and I am not surprised you are upset and confused. What he is doing is emotionally abusive and controlling. It must feel awful to have him spreading these rumours, especially when you can't defend yourself. It sounds like he is trying to hurt you after ending the relationship which is no ok at all.

      I would suggest blocking him and his friends on social media. If he is posting things about you on social media sites you can report the posts and ask the website to remove them.
      You can also contact childline on 0800 1111 and they can help you through this and also help you get the stuff taken down: http://www.childline.org.uk/explore/onlinesafety/Pages/Sexting.aspx (this link is about sexting which is more to do with sharing images but the principle is the same).

      It would also be a good idea to tell people around you what has been happening, can you talk to a teacher at school?

      Please do get some help with this as you do not deserve this, you have done nothing wrong and you don't have to try to cope alone,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 09/01/2015

  • Shantelle

    01/01/2015

    I was at a social event with a group of university friends, I met this guy who was 27 and I was 19. I got drunk with my friends and started to dance with the guy. He asked me whether I could come to his flat and I agreeded, the he asked me whether I wanted to have sex with him, I said no because I had a fiancé at the time. The guy forced himself on to me and said 'just tell your fiancé it was a one night stand'. I did tell him that so the guy who raped me wouldn't hurt me again. I told my fiancé that I was raped because I couldn't remember what had happened on that night but he and his family didn't believe. They think I'm crazy and they hate me because they thought I had a one night stand. I have self harmed and tried to kill myself, I think I need some professional help.

    Shantelle - 01/01/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Shantelle

      I am so very sorry to hear that you were raped. That is a awfully traumatic and abusive thing to happen to you.
      It sounds like you did everything you could and you are not to blame. Even if you had wanted to have sex, legally you could not consent as you were drunk so it still would have been rape - but you were very clear that you did not want to.

      I am so sorry that your fiance and his family don't believe you, that is awful as it takes such courage to tell someone what happened and being believed is so important. I understand why you are so upset but I am very concerned that you have self-harmed and tried to kill yourself. This is very serious. If you feel like this again I want you to get help straight away - you can ring the samaritans 24 hours a day on 08457 90 90 90 http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us or email: jo@samaritans.org

      Or Papyrus help people under 35 who self harm or are suicidal.

      https://www.papyrus-uk.org/
      Call: 0800 068 41 41 - Mon-Fri: 10am-10pm, weekends & bank holidays: 2pm-5pm
      Email: pat@papyrus-uk.org
      SMS: 07786 209697

      Please do talk to them, you can also go to your local A&E department.

      In terms of the rape, I think it is important that you get support to cope with what happened. The best people to talk to are Rape Crisis who are lovely and can offer you support, advice and tell you about local services:

      http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
      freephone helpline
      0808 802 9999
      12 - 2.30pm
      7 - 9.30pm

      What happened to you was rape and was not your fault. You deserve support and love, I hope these services are able to help you,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 07/01/2015

  • One

    31/12/2014

    This will probably sound like a stupid question, and I'm not sure that I've worded it well, so please bear with me...

    I would consider that a relationship where the man repeatedly has non-consensual sex with the woman (i.e. rapes her) would always be considered abusive by definition - regardless of the exact nature of the rape (e.g. violent or otherwise).

    Would you agree?

    One - 31/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi
      Thanks for your message, it is not stupid at all and it's always good to ask if you are unsure about anything.

      Rape is rape. This is regardless of whether you know the person, are in a relationship with them or if they are a stranger. It is rape whether there is accompanying violence or not. If someone does not have your consent but they continue to have sex with you then that is rape.

      Also, you do not have to say 'no' to not give your consent.
      There is some more info about this here -
      http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assault/consent
      and
      http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assault

      I am not sure if this has happened to you or not, but if so the best thing to do would be to talk to rape crisis who can support you -
      http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
      freephone helpline
      0808 802 9999
      12 - 2.30pm
      7 - 9.30pm

      Rape is very abusive and very traumatic and can have long lasting impacts on all areas of our lives, so it is best to get support as you do not have to cope with this alone.

      I hope this helps, come back anytime if you have more questions,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 02/01/2015

  • Anonymous

    29/12/2014

    Great article, totally what I needed.

    Anonymous - 29/12/2014

    Reply
  • Victoria

    28/12/2014

    I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years which is hard for me to get my head around as when I first met him he was the perfect partner, thoughtful, loving, good looking, from a good family etc etc. The abuse was largely emotional and at first he'd turn it around on me and be jealous of my friends and family saying I didn't need him. He then started getting angry very easily and although he didn't really hit me directly he began pushing me around. This was followed by threats to kill himself and then, when I started talking about separating, threats to take our child away. I finally made the decision to leave after a series of revelations that he was a drug addict, serial cheat and serial debtor. On top of that he spent 24 hours making threats to kill himself and me and my children (one unborn) resulting in me giving birth prematurely. I have been separated and divorced for over two years but he has continued to harass and threaten me and my family. A lot of this was subtle and aimed at my care of the children and my mental state therefore the police have been reluctant to get involved however I was able to get a harassment notice issued against him. There is a contact order in place pursuant to which he gets generous contact however he is now taking me to court because he alleges that I withhold contact something which is wholly untrue. He has also found out that the harrassment notice expired after 12 months and is requesting as part of his court application that I have direct contact with him - for the sake of the children or so he says however I am very uncomfortable with this. Every Christmas since we separated he has made an application to the court in respect of the children - pretty much all based on his wanting contact to increase or a vexatious claim against me. Although I have a very good support network and a good job I support two children alome and can't afford legal representation at the next hearing as it is happening at the beginning of January - he doesn't pay child maintenance even though he is working (nor can the child maintenance service order he pays as he has also made an application for benefits which gives him a nil assessment). I also don't find that the courts want to get involved where there is a history of drugs or abuse and just see the view that children need a relationship with their father - a position I don't dispute. I have always encouraged contact but I just feel like this is another stepping stone in his attempts to control my life. I have remained as strong as I can be and ensured my children are happy and healthy and looked after as best they can be but I am worried that he has not given up in the last few years and so he will keep on at me until i crack - just so he can have the children with him - a threat which he made when I was with him. Do you have any ideas who could help or who I could talk to as I think the court are fairly powerless in these instances. Thanks

    Victoria - 28/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Victoria

      I am so sorry to hear about the years of abuse that you have suffered, it must have been awful and it sounds like you have been really brave.

      When children are involved it can often make things even more traumatic and difficult and abusers often use children as a way to further control the mother. I think the best thing for you to do is to contact 'rights of women' - they are a specialist team of lawyers who offer free, confidential advice on issues relating to domestic violence and child contact etc.
      They will be able to give you the best advice about what you options are:
      http://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/
      For women in England and Wales
      Call 020 7251 6577
      Monday 7-9pm, Tuesday 7-9pm, Wednesday 7-9pm, Thursday 7-9pm, Friday 12-2pm
      For women in London
      Call 020 7608 1137
      Monday 11am-1pm, Tuesday 2-4pm, Wednesday 2-4pm

      You have been really strong, you don't have to try to cope alone. It's great that you have a good support network and I hope Rights of Women can help you with the extra info and support you need.
      Good luck for the hearing,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 28/12/2014

  • Lou

    28/12/2014

    Hi I have been married for almost 20 yrs. I was 19 when I met my husband I now have 6 children aging from 19 to just 4. My husband I have now realised managed to distance me from my family , I haven't had contact with my mum etc. in almost 18 yrs and now my children and I are not to see his family either. I have never been allowed to work or have friends of my own and now he is unemployed he is with me 24/7 . I can't take it anymore. But he uses my children against me. He has taken out a large car loan in my eldest sons name and a personal loan which he says if he leaves he will take the car. All well and good but he will also leave my son to pay the finance as he cannot afford it. I am terrified to ask him to leave as he has been violent in the past yet I also cannot leave because my eldest 3 children would not be housed with me if I left as they are too old and must look after themselves or stay with their dad . They do not want to stay with their dad. Any advice please help I am desperate to leave but cannot bear to leave my children with him unprotected no matter how old they are.

    Lou - 28/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lou
      Thanks for your message. It sounds like things have been difficult for a long time. You have been really strong but I am glad you are asking for support now.
      Your husband has been emotionally and financially abusive which is unacceptable. I understand your concerns about what might happen if you leave him.

      I think the best people to talk to about your options are rights of women - a brilliant organisation that offer free legal advice relating to domestic violence etc. They can explain your options to you - http://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/
      For women in England and Wales
      Call 020 7251 6577
      Monday 7-9pm, Tuesday 7-9pm, Wednesday 7-9pm, Thursday 7-9pm, Friday 12-2pm
      For women in London
      Call 020 7608 1137
      Monday 11am-1pm, Tuesday 2-4pm, Wednesday 2-4pm


      You can also ring the national domestic violence helpline anytime on 0800 2000 247.

      This booklet may also help - it talks about your financial and housing options after separation from an abusive partner - http://www.refuge.org.uk/cms_content_refuge/attachments/You%20can%20afford%20to%20leave%20%28web%29.pdf

      I really hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 28/12/2014

  • char

    23/12/2014

    Hi there

    I used to be in an abusive relationship for a year and a half when I was 18, I wanted to break up with him with in the 6 months I s with him but was too scared to. He used to lock me in his bedroom when he went out, he used to scare me into sleeping with him...he manipulated me and messed with my head,

    What I'm trying to get at is three years later I'm nearly 22 and there's not a day that goes by that I can't stop thinking about it, flashbacks keeps popping up in my head, and just cry every day, this was three years ago and I can't get it out of my head, I just want him to go away, what am I supposed to do? What am I doing wrong? It's stopping me from meeting anyone else, I'm scared to let someone else in...in case they do the same thing to me...I hope you get this message, I hope you can help

    char - 23/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Char

      Thanks for your message. I am really sorry to hear about the abuse that you suffered. It's good that you are no longer in that relationship but I understand that it still affects you now.

      Abuse is a very traumatic thing to go through and can have long lasting impacts. Flashbacks and feeling very upset are unfortunately a normal reaction to trauma and part of a post traumatic stress response. However, there are things we can do to help so you can move on and in the future, if you want, have normal healthy relationships.

      I think the best thing to do is to get some support to talk about what happened. You can get referred for counselling via your doctor, or you can contact the national domestic violence helpline anytime on 0800 2000 247 and they can tell you about local support services in your area. Then you will be able to access free and confidential counselling or other support services. You can also search yourself online here - http://www.womensaid.org.uk/azrefuges.asp?section=00010001000800060002&itemTitle=A-Z+of+services

      I know it is really hard, but you have been really brave and getting support is the most important thing. What happened does not have to define your life - you can move on from this and you don't have to do it alone.

      I really hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 24/12/2014

  • David

    23/12/2014

    I'm sorry to say am not the victim but I need help last night I did something that I'm very ashamed of.
    I pulled my partners hair and pushed her to the ground and shouted at her I did hit her I just wanted to shout .
    It only lasted for about 20secs but my nine year old son saw me shouting at her!!
    which makes me sick and very ashamed of my self.
    They are both safe and well. I need help
    Where can I go for help I do not want to

    David - 23/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi David

      I am really glad you have got in touch and want to get help.
      Obviously you know that there is no excuse for being abusive, in any way. But the fact that you acknowledge what you did was wrong and want to get help is good.

      I hope that your partner and son are safe and well.

      I think it is important that you get support so that this does not happen again. The best thing to do is contact the respect helpline - they speak to people every day who have used abusive behaviour and they help them to get support.

      http://www.respectphoneline.org.uk/
      Call freephone 0808 802 4040 Monday-Friday 9am-5pm or email info@respectphoneline.org.uk


      As it is Christmas you may not be able to get through to them straight away, so on this page there are some suggestions for what to do if you feel like that again - see the section down the page called 'what can you do' and the links to time outs and the choose to stop booklet.
      http://www.respectphoneline.org.uk/pages/male-domestic-violence-perpetrators.html

      Abuse is always a choice and that means that you have the choice to behave differently, it is good that you recognise this and I hope you and your family get the help you need.
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 24/12/2014

  • liv

    23/12/2014

    im scared of being raped and i dont know why im scared because nothing has ever happened im just scared that what would i do or what would happen and ive been really depressed about this i dont know why

    liv - 23/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Liv

      It is totally natural to worry about scary things and think about what you might do if it happened, but you have to try not to let these worries take over.

      There is nothing to say that you will ever experience rape, do you know what might have triggered these worries? You can always talk to your GP or a counsellor if this happens again and I also want to tell you a quick visualisation trick that may help next time you are worrying.

      OK, so imagine you are somewhere lovely where you feel safe - really imagine being there, feel the ground under your feet. Then imagine there is a lovely river or sea nearby. Next, imagine writing down your fears and worries, then ripping them up and throwing them into the water and watch the water take them away.....
      If you do that often enough it should help ease the feelings of anxiety.

      I know that may not get rid of your fears but I hope it helps. If the worst happened and you were raped there is so much support out there and the best thing to do first would be to go to a sexual assault referral centre who would be able to help both physically and emotionally as well as collecting evidence should you want to report it.

      But, lets think on the positive side = you are safe and there is lots of support out here,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 07/01/2015

  • ellie

    23/12/2014

    i have been messaging a guy online and i just think hes a friend but he asks me what i want to talk about and i say i dont know and then he just starts talking about what he wants to do to me like he wants to have sex with me and things like that and he goes into detail with everything. whenever i have a converstation with him thats all he talks about and that he finds me attractive i dont know what to do? everything he says i find it disturbing and im scared of him.

    ellie - 23/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Ellie

      I am really glad you got in touch.

      It can be exciting to chat to people online but unfortunately there are some people on there who exploit this and do and say things that make you scared and uncomfortable.

      This is not ok, but it is also not your fault.

      I think the best thing to do is to stop having any contact with him - I am not sure what site you are chatting to him on but you should be able to block him so he can't contact you.

      I know it is upsetting if you wanted to make new friends but he is being abusive and it is not ok to talk you like that. Sometimes people pretend to be something they are not online as well, for instance saying they are your age when they could be much older, and sometimes they may try to pressure you to say things back or to send images that you don't want to send. This can be called grooming and is a form of abuse.

      Here is some information about this that may help:

      http://www.childline.org.uk/Explore/OnlineSafety/Pages/Online-grooming.aspx
      and more here:
      https://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/

      You have done nothing wrong but he is obviously upsetting you so I think it is best to cut off the communication with him so he can't continue to upset you. You don't have to explain why to him.

      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 02/01/2015

  • linsey

    23/12/2014

    I would like to know how i can get help with a issue with my mother who all my life has controlled me,verbaly abused me,beat me and my younger sister,i am now 47 and it still continues my sister is 40 my mum is now 76 and still is controlling,manipulating,being nasty,vile towars both of us can you please tell me who can help lease with very kind regards linseyx

    linsey - 23/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Linsey

      That sounds awful, I am so sorry to hear that you have been going through this for so long.
      This site is more about relationship abuse but I am really glad you are looking for help.
      I think the best people to call would be family lives - they can support you and give you advice.
      http://www.familylives.org.uk/how-we-can-help/
      0808 800 2222
      They have a helpline, live chat, email service and also online forums.

      I really hope they are able to help you,
      take care
      jo

      This is Abuse team - 07/01/2015

  • Jenny

    22/12/2014

    I have separated from my partner and we have a one year old together. The relationship ended due to his drinking and constant lies about money. Since we have separated (8 months ago) he on a daily basis slags my family off- it sounds so petty, but he says things like he wants them to die, calls them awful names and says that if he had his way our son would have nothing to do with them. He threatens to call solicitors to stop my son from seeing my parents etc.. He did this throughout are relationship and since it has ended it has got worse. My family are lovely, decent people and are nothing but supportive of me and my son. It sounds so ridiculous but it is really unsetting me and what makes it harder is that he is the father to my son so I will have to deal with this for rest of my life. And yes, I have spoken to him about it but it just makes the abuse worse. I just don't know what I can do to make him stop. I am worried that as he behaves like this infront of my son when he is older he will continue to say all this nasty stuff about my family and my son will hear it all. :(

    Jenny - 22/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Jenny
      This must be really hard for you, especially as it involves your child. It doesn't sound petty at all.

      I think the best thing to do would be to get some legal advice and there are a couple of great places to get free advice:

      Children’s legal centre
      http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/index.php?page=the_child_law_advice_line
      0808 802 0008 - from 8am to 8pm, Monday to Friday

      Rights of Women
      http://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/

      For women in England and Wales
      Call 020 7251 6577
      Monday 7-9pm, Tuesday 7-9pm, Wednesday 7-9pm, Thursday 7-9pm, Friday 12-2pm
      For women in London
      Call 020 7608 1137
      Monday 11am-1pm, Tuesday 2-4pm, Wednesday 2-4pm

      What he is doing and saying is not ok at all. You are right that it is best not to confront him as this often makes the abuse worse. It may be that some kind of child contact assessment is needed to see if it is ok for him to be with your child unsupervised. The contacts above can advise you on that and any other options.

      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 07/01/2015

  • Jayne

    22/12/2014

    Hi
    I've been wondering wether to send a message for a while but tonight have finally chosen to. I'm currently in a relationship, but none of my family or friends know because I don't feel like they would accept him. I can only see him at his house as he can't be seen at mine because my mum and dad would be in. Whenever I'm at his and want to go out or go home, he won't let me. He says i belong to him and no one else. He does get angry a lot at me and hit me. And I don't feel ready to have sex with him yet, I don't think he is the right one for me. Although he makes me have sex with him quite a lot even when I scream and cry for him to stop. I just don't know what to do. Please help

    Jayne - 22/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Jayne

      I am really glad you decided to send a message. I know it can be a hard step to take but now you can get the support you need.

      What he is doing to you is abuse and is unacceptable. He is being emotionally abusive by controlling you, and also by making you have sex when you don't want to he is raping you. I know this is really hard to hear, but it is very serious especially as no-one knows about your relationship as you are not able to get support or help.

      It is important that you do tell people though as that will help keep you safe. If you don't want anyone in your family to know, how about someone at school/college or your doctor - they will be able to help you.

      You can also call the national domestic violence helpline at any time on 0800 2000 247 - they are open 24 hours a day and can give you free, confidential advice. And rape crisis can give you advice and support and tell you how to stay safe or access counselling etc - Rape crisis
      http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
      freephone helpline
      0808 802 9999
      12 - 2.30pm
      7 - 9.30pm


      This website has some info about keeping safe too: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/

      I know this may feel overwhelming but you deserve to be safe and happy and you don't have to cope with this alone,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 24/12/2014

  • Victoria

    21/12/2014

    Hi,

    I was at a house party at the weekend and I can't remember much (id drank almost a litre of vodka and was very very drunk) but I get the feeling that someone at the party who was sober fingered me. Is this wrong? I don't think I would have told the person no, but I was too drunk to be myself and can't remember large portions of the night. I'm not sure how the law stands on this sort of thing. I don't want to take it any further I'm just curious. I feel really awful and sick with my behaviour, it's something I would never ever do had I been sober.

    Victoria - 21/12/2014

    Reply
  • Jay

    21/12/2014

    I have been facing verbal abuse for some time now from my husband now. But ive been trying to get him to get help for his anger issues even though he thinks he doesnt have any!! He uses things like me being divorced already as ammunition to use against me in arguments over the silliest things like the washing up not being done before he gets home. Im scared of what to say or not say incase it sends him off on one. Sometimes it can be the strangest things like last night I wanted to buy a Christmas jumper & innocently asked his opinion He went off on 1 & said I dont care, i dont like them. Why are you buying one anyway to jump on the bandwagon like everyone else?? I said no because I just want one. He starting at me & said thats not a good enough answer tell me why. I didnt know what to say as that was the truth. There was serious anger in his eyes. He said see you cant answer me. He always has to have the last word & will carry it on by mumbling on for ages but if I say anything he gets angrier which he did & he threw his phone at me. Which hit me on my neck... It still hurts today. He said dont be soo silly it didnt hit you it bounced off the headboard. Then he wanted me to hand it him back, so I threw it on the floor! He said its mine to throw not yours. I said oh but its alright to hit me with it... Later on at bedtime he said sorry for throwing the phone at me. I refused to accept his apology and im still not speaking to him properly. I dont know what to do...

    Jay - 21/12/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Jay
      Thanks for getting in touch.

      Verbal abuse is never ok and it is certainly not ok for someone to make you scared and feel like you have to tiptoe around them. Throwing things at you is also never ok.
      This is a form of emotional abuse and control and actually not so much about anger management. That is certainly part of it but anger issues are usually about someone lacking the ability to control their anger generally whereas people who are abusive in relationships usually target their anger/abuse at one person which shows they are actually in control. So it's more about them taking responsibility for their actions - as well as finding other ways to cope with feeling angry etc.

      It is best not to tell him this though as it may make things worse, and it is not your responsibility to get him help, although I understand why you would want to. The main organisation who do help abusive people are respect and you could talk to them for advice - http://www.respectphoneline.org.uk/
      Call freephone 0808 802 4040 Monday-Friday 9am-5pm or email
      info@respectphoneline.org.uk


      If you are ever scared you can always call the police, and there is always the 24 hour national domestic violence helpline on 0800 2000 247. The can support and advise you and tell you about local services in your area that may be able to help.

      It is up to you if you want to stay in the relationship but it does not sound like a healthy one based on love and respect - which is what you deserve.

      Does anyone else know what has been happening? Talking to people will help and will also keep you safer.
      Here are some safety tips too - http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/

      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 07/01/2015

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Treat everyone with respect – even if someone has a different view to your own, don't let it get personal.

Don't glamorise illegal or dangerous activities, including violence of any kind. It's ok to talk about your experiences but you shouldn't encourage others to do anything illegal or dangerous.

Don't write anything that's untrue about anyone else (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers, group leaders and famous people). Don't write anything that could harm anyone else's reputation.

This isn't a dating site – it's a platform to talk about teenage relationship abuse and your opinions on the matter; don't use it to meet or flirt with other people.

Don't write everything in CAPS – it's the equivalent of shouting and isn't polite or easy for everyone to read.

Don't post entire messages in text speak – it's ok to shorten some words but not everyone understands text speak or finds it easy to read.

It's ok to post links to other websites as long as they're relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate and don't break the house rules in any way.

Don't break copyright rules. This means that you shouldn't post text you didn't write.