HAVE YOUR SAY
Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships
If you've got something you'd like to talk about regarding any kind of relationship abuse, come and Have Your Say on our message board.
The chances are you'll be able to talk with someone who's gone through similar experiences to your own.
Seen the ads? What do you think?
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Is controlling who a partner sees or speaks to abuse?
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Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.
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Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.
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Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?
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Is bullying, controlling and putting a partner down abuse?
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Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you've got something to say about abuse in relationships then you'll need to accept our terms before you can take part - please see our rules on the right side of the page. You can then enter your comments below or under any video you want to talk about.
Harry
04/04/2013
In light of what we now know about Jimmy Savile, it is now more important than ever that we show the world that abuse happens and we can't ignore it anymore, we can't pretend it isn't happening. Those victims were too scared to speak out about what happened while he was alive, but now that they have spoken out about what happened, the world is listening, the world is watching and for now the world cares! Police are changing how they treat victims and courts are changing how they deal with rape cases and it's because of you, all of you! You're all so brave to be speaking out about what has happened to you, it's thanks to you that the world is listening. Keep them listening, keep speaking out! It understandable why people don't talk about it publicly, it's so hard to face the truth but when you do, you can get help. The more we talk out about what's happening, the more likely we are to rid the world of people who commit these cowardly acts of trying to gain power over you... because they'll be too AFRAID to do it because they know we'll tell somebody. I'm doing my A-Levels at the moment, studying hard to go to University and hopefully one day change the world. It was a hard route... it was a dark journey and it took a while to get through it, but now I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Abuse changes a person, but it doesn't have to be negative, it can be a positive, put all of your energy from being sad, scared and angry into fighting against it, that's what I did. Thank you NHS mental health department for everything. H
Harry - 04/04/2013
ReplySarah
04/04/2013
I recently heard a talk about domestic violence and felt like I wanted to research into it.
I had always assumed that because, 8 years ago, my boyfriend began our relationship by idolising me, any of the following events that happened between us could not be considered forms of domestic abuse; instead they were just the words and actions of someone who cared for me more than anyone else had cared for me before.
One of my own family members was physically abused when I was a lot younger, and I had always thought that domestic abuse was only that which resulted in bruising, bleeding and broken bones.
8 years later I have realised that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for almost 3 years of my teenage life, and I am only just coming to terms with it. I am thankful that the government are finally changing the definition of domestic abuse to include coercive control and to apply to teenagers (who are such a vulnerable section of society).
For the three years I was with this person, I felt like I had lost who I was, and like a spark had gone out within me. I was controlled until I no longer had a network of friends. I thought it was a normal part of relationships to be constantly checked up on and to spend 6 or 7 hours arguing on the phone.
If I even mentioned another boy's name I was subtly threatened until I began to understand that it was easier not to speak to any boys at all (often he would shout abuse at my male school friends in the street and once he tore up a photograph of a male friend that was years old). It became normal to think carefully of everything I said and did in case he could twist it.
I even began to convince myself that I was a bad person and that I was a rubbish girlfriend and that I deserved the abuse that I was receiving.
When I eventually built up the courage to try to leave this person, he threatened to put videos of me on the internet.
8 years later I am finally realising the impact that this terrible relationship has had on my life. I am beginning to research teenage domestic abuse, particularly emotional abuse and controlling behaviour, and I really want to get information out to people who might be going through the same ordeal that I was.
After finally realising that I was a victim of domestic abuse, I recently plucked up the courage to tell somebody how I was treated.
They were very upset and understanding, and felt so sad that I hadn't felt able to tell them before. My self-esteem had been shattered and I thought I was just being weak and that because I was only 16-18 at the time, people would think I was just being a "silly girl", but now I know that what happened to me happens to a lot of other teenagers, particularly teenage girls, and that it IS a form of domestic abuse.
You aren't too young to be in an abusive relationship and you might not think that people will believe you, particularly if the abuse happens in private spaces, but there is always someone that you can tell. No form of abuse is acceptable and you shouldn't have to put up with it. There is also no stereotypical victim of domestic abuse. I was smart at school and I had loads of friends and was never bullied, and my parents had a good relationship with one another.
I am so glad that sites like this exist, and that a lot of people care about domestic abuse in teenage relationships, be that abuse physical, emotional, sexual or otherwise.
Sarah - 04/04/2013
ReplyMax
04/04/2013
Hey, I understand women being the victims in teen relationships is more prevalent and is a big issue but could you not equal the playing field a bit and have at least one advert in which there is a male victim? I think you underestimate the cultural effect of the adverts having purely female victims.
Max - 04/04/2013
ReplyHI Max
Thanks for your feedback; we are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign.
We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight, and we are also aware that most teenage boys have normal and healthy relationships. However, in abusive relationships the statistics show that it is usually the male in the relationship that is the abuser and the female the victim and therefore it is important for the campaign to reflect this.
Our objective is to help both boys and girls spot the signs of abuse in relationships and raise awareness of what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour, and although we depict a female victim in the advert, the messages are relevant for both boys and girls whether they are victims or abusers,
We have provided advice and information on the website which points all victims to the help they need - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help - including specific help for male victims of violence and abuse through Respect and Survivors UK. The site is also a forum where young people can pose questions and discuss the issue with their peers and experts in the field.
We also work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse and those in gay relationships, which you can view by clicking on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
We have also produced a video in partnership with Broken rainbow which is intended to provide advice and signpost help for LGBT victims of domestic violence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U0ZJFdxCtg&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=2&feature=plcp
We welcome all views; it’s good that the campaign is prompting you to ask questions and seek more information.
Mice
03/04/2013
Hey I just found this website through all the tv ads and just wanted to sing its praises for just being there. I was in an abusive relationship on and off for just over 4 years.
Mice - 03/04/2013
Replyv
03/04/2013
hi, ive been seeing boy for about 4 months, he has bipolar and lives alone (does not take any medication). i have more or less been living with him for most of this time.
we argue every day and he can be very threatening and violent. he throws me around and leaves bruises all over my body. he has strangled me too. when i try and leave he throws my things everywhere or takes my car keys or my phone.. he has damaged and broken some of my things too.
i feel so trapped i love him but i dont think things will change what can i do? i feel like i have no one to talk too im ashamed of the way he treats me. he also puts me down verbally, calls me ugly tells me no one else would ever want me that im a slut ect and says the way i am is his fault.
i know the way he treats me is wrong but i feel to blame for it. what can i do???
v - 03/04/2013
ReplyHi V,
Thank you for your post.
Please understand that abuse is wrong and never okay.
If you’re suffering from physical abuse, signs of which can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour. Emotional abuse can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.
It’s very important to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).
You can also hear from a survivor of domestic violence here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a8fsrPEaYQ&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=3&feature=plcp
A lot of people who have experienced all kinds of abuse will blame themselves. However, the responsibility lies solely with the abuser, never with you.
This can be hard to get your head around, as can still loving that person. Again, that is also completely normal and many people are torn between loving the person and hating their behaviour.
Just because the abuse is going on, does not mean you are complicit in this.
Dan
03/04/2013
I read on this website that its wrong to tell your girlfriend what to wear. What if they do not show respect to themselves and walk arorund half naked in the street or to meet my parents. Am i still not allowed to tell them not to? Im not abusing her but it sounds like another excuse for her to wear even less. People get judged by their appearance and for her, its not a good first impression. Is there even a boundary to me telling her that its too revealing or do i have an ABSOLUTELY NO say it it?
Dan - 03/04/2013
ReplyHi Dan,
It's your girlfriend's choice to wear whatever she likes, not yours. You should certainly not force her to wear certain clothes, that's unacceptable.
L
02/04/2013
Hi, I want some help.
Me and my boyfriend have been going out for a while and recently we had a huge argument, no violence or anything or, emotional bullying just we argeus over things.
In This rough patch i started talking to a boy and the boy liked me and my boyfriend knew this, he said that i should try to avoid him and I said that i would only talk to him if he messaged me and I did that. I put my boyfriends mind at ease by telling him that I had only talked to the boy once but actually I had been talking to him every single day. Also during this time I had a really strange dream about one of my best friends who was a boy and my boyfriend said what happened in the dream suggested I had feelings for the bout I dreamt about.
Then When I saw my boyfriend he found out that I had lied about talking to the first boy and that I had gone to the other boys house and been alone with him and now he wont trust me and said he would only feel comfortable if I had blocked them on Facebook.
Now he always gets worried when I say where I am because of how I lied before and I understand that but how could I regain his trust because I am scared it could turn a lot more controlling and maybe spiral into physical abuse.
I am not scared of him or think he will do anything but I just wanted to know how could I help out the situation and how could i get his trust back, to make sure there is no abuse?
L - 02/04/2013
ReplyHi L,
Thank you for your post.
Most people aren’t in abusive relationships, but as you can see from the stories, it can happen, so it’s important to be aware of what abuse looks like. The Spot the Signs page includes behaviours that may mean you’re in an abusive relationship: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse
C
02/04/2013
I'm Not sure if my relationship Is abusive or not,
Im so confused , my mother and my friends all say im mentally abused but I dont know wether theyare just saying it because they dont like my boyfriend.
Ive been with him for three years and he has this habbit of telling me my faults or things that bother him. He lists and lists these things that I do that annoy him and Im sure I dont do these things but whenever I say "I dont do that" or "im not" he shouts at me really screaming that I do and that what he is saying is true but Im so certain I dont i just dont understand.
He talks to different girls all the time over the internet wether its facebook or dating websites if i pull him up about it though he gets really defensive and says im just paranoid but I dont feel like sending explicit photos of yourself to other people is normal ?
I dont know Im so sure That he is abusive but he has an answer for everything and it always ends up me being the bad guy.If I tell him something that bothers me i'll try to talk to him or maybe even shout and even though ive started off as the one who is angry about something he has done by the end of it im the one reduced to tears apologising and doing all i can to please him.
He spends all my money and always says "it ours so i should be allowed" even though when he gets money i dont see any of it , its already been spent on himself or his cannabis addiction.
He has hurt me before but he says he doesnt mean to , its not like its completely bad things he's never actually punched me. But Ive been pushed across plenty of rooms had my mobile phone thrown at my back so hard that I had a phone shaped bruise for about 2 weeks he's grabbed me by the neck screamed at me in public areas and poured an entire energy drink over my head in the middles of our town centre just because I didnt wake him up on time for an appointment.
Its so difficult As im typing this I can see that He probably is abusive but I cant leave him or anything because he just doesnt see what he is doing , He will just twist it around and make me to be the one in the wrong.
I am scared of him , I dont have any friends anymore and I barely talk to my family. I darent go on facebook and if i recieve any texts off anyone he has to know who it is and what they are saying and the more texts i recieve the more suspisous he gets, even though i know he flirts with other girls and invites them to our house , If i ever read any of his messages like he does with mine he'd kill me and I just dont what to do
I do love him but Im so confused
Im sure all of this is true but he's made me doubt all of it Im not even sure if this is all in my head and I am the depressed paranoid mess he says I am or wether its just him actually being abusive
Anyone help ?
Please dont say "you need to leave him" Because its not as simple as all that.
Thanks for reading
Rant Over
C - 02/04/2013
ReplyHi C,
Thanks very much for your message.
You need to understand that abuse is wrong and never okay, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of emotional abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do - so you can see that the way your boyfriend is treating you is not right, it's not normal and it's not ok. See here for more about the signs of abuse and the relationship checklist which you might find helpful - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse
We would always encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to about what's happening in your relationship, it’s important you speak up about what you're going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge). Talk to them in confidence, they will be able to give you more information and the support and guidance you need.
N
02/04/2013
I was out with a friend of mine, and as we're both bisexual, I think she had a crush on me. But we were walking around a park, and there was no one else about. We were sitting together on some steps and she suddenly sat on my lap facing me and started to hug me. I was confused but them she stuck her hand down the back of my jeans and started touching me through my panties. I was telling her to get off and that I didn't want it but then she moved that hand up my shirt and I couldn't push her off. She does this all the time, what do I do?
N - 02/04/2013
ReplyHello N,
Thanks for posting.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is totally unacceptable. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.
If you are unsure of what is or isn’t classed as sexual abuse or assault, examples can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.
If you are ever put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to, it’s important to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. They offer counselling and support for women who have experienced any form of sexual violence, not just rape.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
IAMUNKNOWN
01/04/2013
I was with this guy for a while but we were never officially going out. It was fine for a while and he was 4 years older then me. Me being 14 and him being 18.
He was charming and i was new to being with older guys. he said he didn't want us to be seen kissing each other or being with each other because he didn't want to be sent to prison for pedophilia. I went along with it.
Then, he started asking for me to do stuff to him because i said no to stuff being done to me? I kept saying no and he kept asking and asking and asking until it became annoying.
When i finally did it and it became a regular thing, he kept feeling me up over my trousers and feeling around that area and wouldnt stop until i forcefully told him "NO. i dont want too" When he kissed me i could feel how strong he was and when i tried to pull his hand away, he was very forceful and very very strong.
I just wanted to know if this was some sort of abuse. He wasn't aggressive atall but he kept asking and asking and one time he called me frigid but when i told him off for it, he kept apologising.
Please help
IAMUNKNOWN
IAMUNKNOWN - 01/04/2013
ReplyHi IAMUNKNOWN,
Thank you for posting.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is totally unacceptable. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.
If you are unsure of what is or isn’t classed as sexual abuse or assault, examples can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.
If you are ever put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to, it’s important to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
Chloe
01/04/2013
Hi, i've been in a relationship for 4 months now, going on 5.. things have gone from good to terrible.
i wouldn't say it's abuse (even though im not sure) he's not agressive towards me, but he makes me feel like everything i do is wrong, all my friends that are boys he accuses them of trying it with me and that i should just not talk to them..
. i know it's out of order but he always turns around to me after having a massive argument and says that he just wants to forget it... this happens almost everyday twice a day and its killing me,
ive threatened to end it but then he makes out that i'm just going to get with the 'other boys ive been talking to'
not even sure what to do, or how to end it without any trouble.
Chloe - 01/04/2013
ReplyHi Chloe,
Thank you for your post.
Staying in a relationship where you are being emotionally abused could cause you to lose your self-esteem and confidence. An abusive, violent or controlling relationship is not normal or acceptable; nobody needs to tolerate this behaviour and if the bullying is making you worried you need to speak to a trusted adult.
If you’re under 18 and you need to talk to someone in confidence contact ChildLine on 0800 11 11 or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you’re over 18, contact the 24 hour, National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247.
Viv
31/03/2013
As a parent - I think this is a great thing to be making people of all ages aware of. However these ads all show abuse from a male to a female - it can be the other way round - and between same sex couples. Think its important this is addressed otherwise abuse in these relationships is pushed even further down and people involved feel even more unable to ask for help.
Viv - 31/03/2013
ReplyWhilst I feel that your adverts are important, once again we have a campaign that simply highlights the abuse of men towards women and does nothing to address the issue of abuse of women towards men.
Whilst I realise that the male against female abuse is more prevalent, it is both unfair and biased to completely disregard the issues of men in abusive relationships.
I was regularly attacked and physically by my female ex partner yet nobody seemed to want to listen, including the authorities, seeming to take the view that I was a bloke and should be able to defend myself.
As I said previously, it is both unfair and biased to simply show one side of a coin. Men suffer abuse but it is always the women's side that gets the spotlight. Men therefore get it in the neck both ways. Firstly, abuse against men is all but ignored to the point of being forgotten and men generally get a 'bad press' because it is only males that are seen as abusive.
Bryn Robinson - 01/04/2013
Hello and thank you for your feedback Viv,
We are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign.
We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight, and we are also aware that most teenage boys have normal and healthy relationships. However, in abusive relationships the statistics show that it is usually the male in the relationship that is the abuser and the female the victim and therefore it is important for the campaign to reflect this.
Our objective is to help both boys and girls spot the signs of abuse in relationships and raise awareness of what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour, and although we depict a female victim in the advert, the messages are relevant for both boys and girls whether they are victims or abusers,
We have provided advice and information on the website which points all victims to the help they need - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help - including specific help for male victims of violence and abuse through Respect and Survivors UK. The site is also a forum where young people can pose questions and discuss the issue with their peers and experts in the field.
We also work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse and those in gay relationships, which you can view by clicking on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
We have also produced a video in partnership with Broken rainbow which is intended to provide advice and signpost help for LGBT victims of domestic violence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U0ZJFdxCtg&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=2&feature=plcp
We welcome all views Viv and it’s good that the campaign is prompting you to ask questions and seek more information.
amy
30/03/2013
Hey umm my story isnt that bad compared to others but this is how it happened...
I was friends with benefits (without sex) with a guy when I was 14 it was on and off. One day I went round his house and his friend was there (Im making up a name called A). Me and him used to be friends until I chose the friends with benefits over him and we had a fall out.
Anyway I went round friends with benefits house and A was there, A kept coming on to me and trying to make me kiss him and I kept saying no I dont want to. He kept trying to touch me and I kept telling him no to that. I was really scared and friends with benefit (calling him fwb) saw that and when A left the room as I wouldnt do anything fwb came over to make sure I was okay. Later on A said sorry for how he acted and I forgave him and said I might kiss him at a club (under 18s) as my ex was going with his girlfriend.
Anyway that nigth we kissed and danced and th e next day we meet again round fwb house. A started coming on to me and I kissed him back but then he wanted more and he wanted sex and I said no but he said oh I am only putting it between your legs, but I felt really scared and I didnt know what to do. I went along with it because I was scared. After that he hugged me then went downstairs and I stayed upstairs. He then had a group of friends over and he came on to me in front of them. He then tried to have sex with me again and i was still a virgin so I was in pain when he tried to have sex with me and his friend told him he was hurting me and he should stop as I didn't want to. I felt scared well beyond scared I was 14 and he was 17 nearly 18. He stopped trying to have sex with me in then end as his friend told him to stop.
I put this on to help other people I didn't think it was sexual assault. I didnt give consent and it is easy to joke about but when you come to terms with what happened it kills. Ive only told 1 person and thats my best friend but he doesnt care and I wont tell my parents. I get told so much about rape and sexual assault and never thought it would happen to me but it did and I keep thinking I should of known and stopped it but I couldn't of. I want others to know they arent alone and it could happen without relising it I didn't think anything of it till I read the law of it and knew sexual stuff that I hadnt given consent to or wanted to do. I hope this helps no one should be made to feel like they have no choice but to do what they get told to.
amy - 30/03/2013
ReplyHi Amy,
Thanks for posting.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is totally unacceptable. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.
If you are unsure of what is or isn’t classed as sexual abuse or assault, examples can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.
If you are ever put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to, it’s important to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you are now over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
They offer counselling and support for women who have experienced any form of sexual violence, not just rape.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
Anon
30/03/2013
I was in a relationship with a man 10 years my senior. At first it was perfect, he was more than I dreamed I'd ever find.
Then he started to change. We stopped talking, he only contacted me for sex and stupidly I accepted that, thinking things would get better.
They only got worse. He started hurting me when we met for sex, hitting, kicking, biting. He told me I deserved it and I believed him. This went on for about a year until I found out I was pregnant by him. When I told him he immediately accused me of cheating and said he would kill me for it.
It was then that I realised I have to do something to escape him. I spoke to a close friend who helped me get the help and protection I needed.
I had a beautiful baby boy a few weeks ago and life never felt so good, despite long lasting mental scars left by the relationship with his father.
I want to urge other people in that or similar positions to try and realise that there is help out there and what's happening is wrong and never your fault.
Anon - 30/03/2013
ReplyCarly
29/03/2013
Hi,
I was in an abusive relationship from the age of 14 to 17. I am now out of that relationship but worry that it has effected me more then i know.
He used to shout at me, throw punches and man handle me.
I feel it reflects on how i act in new relationships and it results in new relationships not working out.
I am now 24 and just want to be in a loving, easy relationship but don't find they ever work out.
I wonder whether theres any advise or help i can get even though this is something that happened to me years ago?
I have also been in a more recent relationship with someone for 2 years where he used to harm himself and made me feel like i didnt want to live anymore :(
I have such high expectations and am very emotional when it comes to relationships now.
Can i get help?
Thank you
Carly - 29/03/2013
ReplyHi Carly,
Thanks very much for your post on the site.
Yes there are people who can help you; call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 in confidence (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge). They can advise you and provide you with the emotional support you need. You can also hear from a survivor of domestic violence here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a8fsrPEaYQ&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=3&feature=plcp
If you are still feeling distressed or suicidal about your past 2 year relationship, the Samaritans can also help, take a look at their website at http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ or email jo@samaritans.co.uk. You can also call the Samaritans helpline on 08457 909090.