This website works best using cookies, which are currently enabled. To find out more about cookies and for information on how to turn them off, click here.
This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

HAVE YOUR SAY

Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships

If you've got something you'd like to talk about regarding any kind of relationship abuse, come and Have Your Say on our message board.

Have a read through the discussion boards, the chances are you'll be able to talk with someone who's gone through similar experiences to your own.

Seen the ads? What do you think?

TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS

If you've got something to say about abuse in relationships then you'll need to accept our terms before you can take part - please see our rules on the right side of the page. You can then enter your comments below or under any video you want to talk about.

  • This is so we can email you to let you know if there's been any replies to your message. Your email address will never be shown or passed on to anyone.
  • I wish to opt out of notification emails

Pages << < 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 > >>

Results: 75 - 90 of 2084

  • Anonymous

    28/03/2014

    Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and s half now at the start of our relationship he had incidents involving atleast 4 other girls which really tramatized me I didnt expect at all he lied about them making me feel they were my fault or they were rumours and I was paranoid I didn't become paranoid until he drilled into my head I was. One of the incidents have tramatized me more than ever it felt like they were bullying me he used to say they were just bestfriends and more and more things showed they werent I saw messages on his fone I wont ever forget he saved pictStupid and controlling and makes everyone think like that about me im stilk hurting inside about what he did he still continues to lie to me and do things im not ok with me and him are having a baby and he's barely supported me hes got a horrible temper and sometimes hits me he tells his dad things which makes him have ago at me and say in paranoid I feel bullied by him his brothers bully me to I feel all this is my fault I cry atleast twice a day and can't remember the last time he treated me right.
    tupid and controlling and makes everyone think like that about me im stilk hurting inside about what he did he still continues to lie to me and do things im not ok with me and him are having a baby and he's barely supported me hes got a horrible temper and sometimes hits me he tells his dad things which makes him have ago at me and say in paranoid I feel bullied by him his brothers bully me to I feel all this is my fault I cry atleast twice a day and can't remember the last time he treated me right.
    res of her and had pictures of them all over her she used to always try and tell him I was no good for him and call me horrible names behind my back I heard runours of hin cheating with her.. even just hearing her name upsets me she used to always try and make me jealous..in the end I took action and had to make him choose me or her.. I suffer from depression and before this happend it was copeable but it all went down hill from here he stopped speaking to her but his dad wanted then together it was obvious she was older and was more up to his dads standards she always used to message his dad to turn him against me and it worked.. in the end I got past all this then all the other stories and things came along I caught him out lying a number of times and doing things he shouldnt I once caught him on a dating site
    He makes me think I deserve this an d its my fault his dad says im controlling and paranoid and he should get someone older..at this point I did get paranoia and started to worry when he went anywhere my depression is awful and at this point id hit rock bottom I felt I had nobody and I was stupid things never got better and this is were I tried to tske action I told him he couldn't go out so he stopped I checked his fone I have his password for everything I don't even let him look at girls even a model photo because after everything Im that scared of being hurt he tells me I'm

    Anonymous - 28/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi,

      This sounds like a really difficult situation and must be really tough for you.

      It sounds like you and your partner have a really unhappy relationship. It seems like it has been going on for a long time, and I think you might need to access some help around what has happened. It sounds like a really unhealthy situation to raise a child in.

      Have you accessed any support at all? If you are living with him at the moment then you might want to look at moving out. If you do not have any money or anywhere to go then you might want to talk to your local housing department at the council.

      You might want to address some of the emotional effects on you. You can talk to your GP about what has been happening. You could also talk to your local domestic abuse service. You can find them on google, or by visiting www.womensaid.org.uk.

      What has happened will have an impact on your emotional wellbeing, so please do access some help. If you ever feel you want to talk to someone immediately then you can contact the national helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 29/03/2014

  • eve

    28/03/2014

    A few years ago I recalled being abused I'm undergoing counselling to deal with it , but the person that abused me when ever he sees me or my friend is being verbally abusive to me calling me names and saying hurtful things to me and about me to others its getting really bad can I get a restraining order against this person so they stop abusing me in public and stays away from me?

    eve - 28/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Eve

      Thanks for contacting us. This is really unacceptable and must be very distressing for you. This would be classed as harassment and a continuation of the abuse. It has the potential to interfere with you being able to use your counselling as best you might in other circumstances and should definitely be reported.

      If you reported the abuse previously then I would suggest you contact the same department so that they can link the two things together. if not your local police will have a Community Safety unit who would be able to meet with you and talk through the legal options with you.If you google the police station in the area in which you live it will give you their contact details. I would also think it would be helpful ( if you haven't done this already) to tell your counsellor what is going on so they can support you and give you some strategies to manage the effects this is having on you until the situation has been dealt with legally.

      I hope that helps and that you manage to get this situation dealt with promptly

      Take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 28/03/2014

  • caroline

    28/03/2014

    If ur father puts you down all the time an treats you like a 12 year old at the age of 23 is that a sign of abuse

    caroline - 28/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Caroline,

      It must be difficult for you. It could be abusive. It would be really helpful to examine this in a bit more detail and find some more context about what has taken place.

      You can talk to us on Live Chat, Monday to Friday 5pm until 7pm. You can also call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 29/03/2014

  • Gabrielle

    27/03/2014

    My mother has been with my step dad for nearly 15 years, there's not only me but 4 other siblings with the youngest being 5 years old. My step dad is mentally abusive, his moods are getting out of contol, his agresion is getting worse, he has been physically violent toward family members especially my mother and my brother who is 16, it gets worse especially when he has had a drink and has resulted in the family staying upstairs, my mother being stressed, he does not contribute to fund for food, paying rent or any bills, if he is in one of his "moods". He tried to buy his applies through presents, but that has stripped and he does not apologise for his behaviour, my mother wants to leave him but he won't go and is creating a horrible atmosphere in which I have stayed up all night frightened to sleep, we don't know what to do or who to talk to for advise, we really need some help or information! It's getting beyond control,

    Gabrielle - 27/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Gabrielle,

      It sounds like a really scary and dangerous situation for you all to be in. There are options for you, and I think the best thing is for your mum to get in contact with your local domestic abuse service, you can find them on google, or by visiting www.womensaid.org.uk. They will be able to talk her through how you could get him removed from the property and keep him away if he is a risk. This could be done by taking out a Non-Molestation Order and Occupation Order. There is more information on these here;

      http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100330002

      They would also be able to assist in your mother and even you accessing therapy and counselling to address what you have witnessed or experienced.

      If you ever feel scared or at risk then you need to call 999 straight away. It will also help in the future if there is evidence that he has been violent or abusive.

      Nobody should have to experience and live with abuse. I really hope you get some support around what has happened.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 29/03/2014

  • Kelly

    27/03/2014

    Hi, Iv been with my boyfriend almost a year, and been watching hollyoaks, and im unsure what to think really, My boyfriend has hit me 3times. he tends to get really angry and hit me. this is happend 3 times now. and im scared incase this keeps happening. i dont know what to do. or what i should do. i love him. but he scares me when hes angry or when he gets in a mood,

    Kelly - 27/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Kelly

      Thanks for your message. Its really understandable that you feel scared as your boyfriend has been abusive to you and hurt you and of course you will be fearful that this might happen again. Relationships should be built on respect and value for the other person and something that you feel safe and happy to be in. You are clearly feeling quite anxious about this relationship and you have not been kept safe in it. I think it would be good to listen to those feelings that your body is giving you - they are a bit like a warning sign.

      I am not sure how old you are but take a look at these websites. One is www.respectnotfear.co.uk and has loads of information for young people about healthy and unhealthy relationships. The other is Women's Aid on www.womensaid.org.uk. which also runs the national domestic violence helpline on 0808 2000 247. If you call them they can tell you about local services in your area that would be able to offer you support and advice. Of course if this abuse happens again or you feel scared whilst with your boyfriend you could also call the police.

      It can be very hard to cope with an abusive relationship especially if you don't have any emotional support for yourself. Have you been able to talk to anyone about what has happened. If you can try and chat to someone you trust so that you do not feel alone whilst considering your options about this relationship. The women's aid website also has a section on it about staying safe (safety planning) which has helpful tips about things you can do to improve your safety.

      I hope that helps as a starting point. We also run Live chat sessions Monday - Friday 5 - 7 if it would help to talk to one of us.

      take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 28/03/2014

  • tasha

    27/03/2014

    if your ex is spreading roumours about you and its ffecting your relationships with friends and other boyfriends what is it classed as and how can i stop it?

    tasha - 27/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Tasha,

      I'm sorry that you are in this situation. It sounds like this has been a really unhappy break up. He has no right to spread rumours about you.

      If your friends are true friends then they will believe your word over his, but it must be distressing. You can still experience abuse from someone you have previously been in a relationship with.

      It might be helpful to have a chat about what has happened in a little bit more detail so we can understand the context and what has been said. It would be great if you came back and talked to us on Live Chat on the website, Monday to Friday 5pm until 7pm. Alternatively you can call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 29/03/2014

  • confidential

    27/03/2014

    hi i was in a relationship for nearly half ayear with a boy and throught it he was fine but now we have broken up he spreads filthy romours and they are distressing me making me angry and effeting my friendships with other people! firstly what is this classed as, as he is my ex and secondly is there anything i can do or say to stop these from being spread as it is causing me to loose friends...

    confidential - 27/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi,

      I'm sorry that you are in this situation. It sounds like this has been a really unhappy break up. He has no right to spread rumours about you.

      If your friends are true friends then they will believe your word over his, but it must be distressing. You can still experience abuse from someone you have previously been in a relationship with.

      It might be helpful to have a chat about what has happened in a little bit more detail so we can understand the context and what has been said. It would be great if you came back and talked to us on Live Chat on the website, Monday to Friday 5pm until 7pm. Alternatively you can call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 29/03/2014

  • lucy

    26/03/2014

    I do not have a situation like these other people. Ive been meeting this boy who at first seemed really nice but he kept askimg me for a video masturbating. I said no but he kept going on asking me if i trusted him or not. This made me feel bad so i agreed and sent one. Whenever hes angry he will threaten to show everyone and will call me dirty and say hes 'embarressed' by mee. I feel like i cant leave him because of the video and im scared of his reaction. Me and him have regular sex and hes called us friends with benefits but i thought there was feelings involved. Well for me there is i really like him and he knows that.

    lucy - 26/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lucy,

      Thanks for coming forward to talk about this. It must be really difficult for you.

      If he were to ever do anything with the video you have sent him then he will be breaking the law, as it is not his video, it is your video because you made it. So if he did then you could go straight to the police.

      You should never feel pressured in to doing anything, and by pressuring you into making the video he is being abusive.

      There is some really great guidance on this on the Childline Website, take a look here; http://www.childline.org.uk/explore/onlinesafety/pages/sexting.aspx

      It sounds like the relationship you are in is really abusive, and it does not sound like you are being given respect by this guy. I think you need to consider whether this relationship is healthy for you or not, and what you do once you have made the decision.

      If you would like to talk to us more about what has happened then you can chat with us on the site Monday to Friday 5pm until 7pm.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 29/03/2014

  • Luke

    26/03/2014

    Hi, i need help, my friend had been sexually abused last year, she didnt want to tell anyone accept me, im the only one who knows, she didnt want me to say it to anyone else or the police. Im really worried, she has been putting suicidal statuses on facebook. I dont want to lose her, please can i have some advise, should i tell the police?

    Luke - 26/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Luke
      It is really good that you got in touch with us, she is lucky to have you as a friend.

      Ok, in terms of the suicidal status -it is very important that she gets some help as soon as possible - you can report this to facebook by filling in this form: https://www.facebook.com/help/contact/305410456169423
      There is also a really great organisation who support young people who are feeling suicidal - please tell her about them or contact them yourself to get advice - http://www.papyrus-uk.org/
      0800 068 41 41
      email: pat@papyrus-uk.org
      SMS: 07786 209697

      it is really really important that you tell people what is happening as it will help keep her safe. This is some advice on how to support friends that I think will help you:
      http://www.papyrus-uk.org/support/for-friends
      I know she did not want the police to know, but if you are really worried that she may try to end her life, it is ok to contact them or someone else who can help.

      Sexual assault is hugely traumatic and it sounds like she also needs support in coping with that. Is she still in contact with the person who assaulted her?
      The best people to talk to are rape crisis who are lovely and will be able to listen to her confidentially and give her support which could really help her and how she is feeling:
      http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
      freephone helpline
      0808 802 9999
      12 - 2.30pm
      7 - 9.30pm

      I really hope this helps.
      We also have a live chat every mon-fri night from 5-7 which you or her could come to?
      Well done for supporting her, you may need to get support yourself though as it can be hard for you too,
      take care
      jo

      This is Abuse team - 27/03/2014

  • Ashley

    26/03/2014

    Hey, I got out of a two year relationship with my ex in December. Honestly when I first met him, he was the nicest guy, always telling me I'm beautiful and making me feel special. Then after about four months in the relationship he started losing his temper if I went out and there was any lads. Eventually he started going through my phone, calling me a slag for having male friends. It got to the point I had to delete every guy in my friends list. Then I was banned from seeing my friends or family as he thought I was a slut around them all. I began sneaking to see them every time I had a dinner break at college. I then started panicking in case someone had seen me. I felt so alone that I started crying myself to sleep every night, he had turned his family against me. Telling them lies about me, eventually his mother refused to feed me and he had full control over my money. So I barely got any to buy food with. I became scarily thin. Then when we got our first flat together he became more angry, threatening me, pinning me against the wall by my neck. Slapping me a few times. I became so scared that I waited until he fell asleep, I packed my bags and left him in the middle of the night. He eventually found me and promised me he had changed, yet he hadn't. It all started again. Then I moved back in with my parents, he shortly followed me there. He hated it because he had no control anymore. My mother would stick up for me if he didn't like what I was doing. I then moved a few doors away so I was still safe. One night I got so angry, he'd been shouting at me and I caught him doing drugs. I don't know what came over me but I punched him in the nose and broke it. I felt instantly horrible, but at the same time I felt stronger. Bit-by-bit I began ignoring him, answering him back. Whenever he went to hit me I stood up for myself. I stopped being scared and one day I decided I didn't want to be there anymore so I packed my bags and finally left him. I've never looked back since and I'm actually disappointed it took me so long to leave him because I'm so happy. I've built myself up and I'm doing excellent now. Honestly I written this to show everyone you can leave whenever you want. And there is a light at the end of that tunnel :)

    Ashley - 26/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Ashely,

      I'm really glad that you're out of the relationship. It sounds like he used a whole host of abusive behaviour.

      I would never encourage anybody to use violence against their partner, unless there is no other option as a form of self defence, but even this can be very dangerous and isn't recommended. The main reason for this, is if your ex partner called the police you could have been charged with assault.

      I'm really glad you're out of the relationship, and many victims stay with their partner far longer than you have, so don't let that get you down.

      Have you thought about accessing any help now that you're out of the relationship? You may benefit from some counselling, or therapeutic work. You can find services near you by calling the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 27/03/2014

  • Glynis

    26/03/2014

    My husband lays in bed every morning till 10- 11am.Then gets up & moans till he leaves a couple of hours later. i don't usually see him again cause he goes to the pub for about 9 hours straight, getting home at between 10.30 & 2am. He then makes lots of noise to wake me up & talks to me for 1-2 hours [ i just want to sleep] Then he goes to bed and sleeps cause of the drink & i am wide awake! Every day is the same [including sundays]

    Glynis - 26/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Glynis,

      It sounds like it's tough for you. Unfortunately, from what you have said it doesn't seem that the relationship is abusive, as you've not suggested that he is doing anything to hurt or cause fear, and that he is doing nothing to gain power or control.

      However, if you are in an unhappy relationship then it is really important to address this. If your husband makes you so unhappy have you thought about leaving? If you would like to talk this through then you can call the Samaritans on 08457 909090.

      You can also talk to us on our Live Chat service which we are running on the website, Monday to Friday 5pm-7pm.

      If there has been any kind of violence or abuse, then you could also contact the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 27/03/2014

  • Anonymous

    26/03/2014

    I'm a 16 year old boy and I've started a relationship with a girl who's in the school year above me (she's 17) we are both actively involved in scouting and at the moment in the same section. but in 8 months or so she'll be 18 and leaving and there are rules against adults,which is what she'll be and explorers (me) being involved in a romantic or even a friendship way. What can we do?

    Anonymous - 26/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi,

      Thanks for getting in contact. It sounds like a tough decision needs to be made. If you are in a committed relationship, and still are in 12 months then you may have to consider whether one of you leaves the scout troop to continue the relationship.

      Legally, you are both consenting adults and are allowed to have a relationship together. However, I can't give guidance on Scouting rules. It may be worth talking to somebody senior within the troop and raise your issues there.

      I hope this helps.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 27/03/2014

  • Anon

    26/03/2014

    I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years; I've read the other comments and can see many similarities between my situation and theirs. After about 6 months of being together he became verbally and mentally abusive towards me, with outbursts where it becomes physical. The reason behind this is he's been a drug user for most of his life, using marijuana since a young age, and cocaine for nearly as long. Since we met I've spent all my energy trying to help him get clean, like he says he wants to. After this amount of time trying so desperately to help, I have got to a point where I feel helpless and can't go through any more. When he gets into a rage he gets very aggressive towards me, pushing me into things and grabbing at my neck. However, my problem is that now I don't want to be together anymore, he threatens me in any way he can to scare me into changing my mind. I've tried numerous times in the last year to end it with him, and each time I've been forced to change my mind. This is because I've always lied to my friends and family about our relationship, telling them we're happy, so when he threatens to hurt me, or himself, or to come to my family home I get terrified. I really don't want to get my family involved, and just want to be able to leave him without upsetting them too. I do love him very much, which makes it very hard, but I have put over 2 years of my life into the relationship and feel so unhappy. I've never spoken about this to anyone, so any help would be really appreciated

    Anon - 26/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi,

      It sounds like a really tough relationship to be in, and I'm glad that you've come forward to talk about this.

      It sounds like you partner's behaviour is quite dangerous, and grabbing the throat is often a sign of extreme violence, and I am concerned for your wellbeing.

      It's really important to know that your partner has to take responsibility for his actions, he is choosing to behave this way towards you. I can imagine that he does not behave this way towards his friends, or family members. He is choosing to behave this way towards you.

      We understand that substance use can increase the risk of violence, however it is not the sole reason that your partner is behaving this way. If he wished to address the way he was behaving towards you then he could access support around his substance use.

      There are services out there that can help and support him, but he has to choose to do that, you can't force it.

      It seems that you have done all you can, and I'm really worried about your safety and wellbeing. I think it would be really helpful for you to talk to someone about what has been happening. We are running Live Chat sessions from the website Monday to Friday 5pm until 7pm. You can also call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247. They will be able to make sure you are as safe as possible, and that you access some emotional support. They aren't going to force you to leave your partner, but will help you keep safe.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 27/03/2014

  • Stephanie

    25/03/2014

    Hi i was in a relationship for two years with my ex and throughout it him and his family and friends mentally abused me and i got very bad depression and anxiety from it all. He put me in debt accused me of cheating when i talked to my friends wouldn't let me leave the house even to exercise his mum called me names and i always had to clean her house they used to gang up on me and i felt trapped i didn't want to tell my parents incase they got hurt she used to threaten me by saying she can get people to.kill people for her and anytime i didn't want to do something i was uncomfortable with my ex used to say that i didn't love him and manipulate me every time. I always had to bring him out on dates and he cheated on me and flirted with girls when i. Was with him.and worst of all i got myself 2 ........ and when i couldn't take no more i said i wanted the ......... with me and he said no and sold them on. Now I have Flash backs of the relationship I am.stressed out with the 4000 debt I am in i can't be around people for to long or trust them anymore. My depression gets worse as I got heavy when I was with him and couldn't excersise and now I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror for two long he used to hit me aswell but I never did anything to stop it and I didn't go to the police about any of this and don't know if I still can. I don't want another girl going through what I went through with him.

    Stephanie - 25/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Stephanie

      Thanks for contacting us as it must have taken a lot of courage to post the message and share your experience with us. Thankfully, it sounds like you have managed to free yourself from a very abusive relationship but I can hear that you are still struggling to come to terms with what has happened both practically and emotionally. It can take a significant period of time to overcome the effects of abuse and one thing that can help with this is having some emotional support for yourself. Would you be able to talk to someone you trust about what has happened? Maybe a friend or your GP perhaps.

      If you call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247 they will be able to tell you about local services in your area that could offer you support. Some places run specialist groups for women who have experienced abuse that you might find helpful. Your GP could also arrange some individual sessions (a bit like counselling) which would give you strategies to manage the memories that come back and upset you again - these sort of reactions are common but there are services out there that can help.

      Your local area should also have a special worker called an IDVA(Independent domestic violence advocate) who could perhaps help you sort out some of the debt that he has left you with. Again the helpline will be able to give you these details. I know it can feel daunting to phone someone you don't know and seek help but the you have a right to be supported with this and the services are there to help. Alternatively, we offer live chat sessions Mon - Fri 5 -7 if you would prefer to chat to us initially instead. I hope that helps as a starting point

      take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 26/03/2014

  • qudsiah

    25/03/2014

    can u cal me plz tommorow i need advise regarding a situation ive been.through

    qudsiah - 25/03/2014

    Reply
    • Dear qudsiah,

      Can you message again with a bit more information. Or contact us on live chat 5-7 weeknights?

      take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 26/03/2014

Pages << < 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 > >>

Results: 75 - 90 of 2084

Terms and conditions of use

Please read and accept these rules below before commenting. All of the comments you post on this website are treated confidentially and moderated.

Stay safe – don't include any personal information in your comments, such as your surname, email address, street address and phone number.

Don't include the personal details of anyone else in your posts (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers or group leaders).

Don't go off topic - keep your comments relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate. People want their opinions to be heard – don't shout them down.

Don't post crude, racist, offensive, violent or vulgar messages to the site.

Treat everyone with respect – even if someone has a different view to your own, don't let it get personal.

Don't glamorise illegal or dangerous activities, including violence of any kind. It's ok to talk about your experiences but you shouldn't encourage others to do anything illegal or dangerous.

Don't write anything that's untrue about anyone else (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers, group leaders and famous people). Don't write anything that could harm anyone else's reputation.

This isn't a dating site – it's a platform to talk about teenage relationship abuse and your opinions on the matter; don't use it to meet or flirt with other people.

Don't write everything in CAPS – it's the equivalent of shouting and isn't polite or easy for everyone to read.

Don't post entire messages in text speak – it's ok to shorten some words but not everyone understands text speak or finds it easy to read.

It's ok to post links to other websites as long as they're relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate and don't break the house rules in any way.

Don't break copyright rules. This means that you shouldn't post text you didn't write.