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This is ABUSE

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An expert from Young People’s Services – AVA – is reading and responding to posts on the site, to ensure that responses are independent, sensitive and helpful.

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Results: 75 - 90 of 2198

  • Georgia

    29/10/2014

    I was 14 and I was in a relationship with this boy for 2 yrs.Everything was fine at first,then he became controlling and abusive.he started off pulling my hair or pinching me,but then 6 months in, it got to the point where I was petrified of him,he threw me down the stairs,punched me,told me I was fat and never let me go out with friends.He used to take my lunch away because he wanted me to lose weight,I never told anyone until family noticed bruises. They made me cut all contact with him,it's been a year now since I left him and he's still in my head,everybody thinks I'm ok and over it but I can't sleep,I have flashbacks of it and I have no self confidence in myself,I can't eat big meals in front of anybody as I don't want to be judged on my weight,I'm still struggling with my life because of him and it's horrible.

    Georgia - 29/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Georgia

      We’re sorry to hear you’ve suffered emotional and physical abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of emotional type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do. Signs of physical abuse can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone who you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope that this helps

      Take care
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 29/10/2014

  • Danielle

    29/10/2014

    Well me and my boyfriend skype each other everyday and he is a year older then me (I'm 14). He masturbates a lot and always asks to see my boobs. I don't want to but I don't want to lose him. Is this abuse/rape?

    Danielle - 29/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Danielle

      Thanks for your post. We’re sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through. If you’re being forced or pressured to take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with, that is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position. Please understand that what’s happened is not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, don’t blame yourself.

      If you are unsure, examples of sexual abuse or assault can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, being pressured to send naked pictures of yourself, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.

      If this has happened to you, we would always encourage you to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you; they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope this helps

      Take care
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 07/11/2014

  • Abbie

    29/10/2014

    I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and I can't say it's been the best year of my life. I do love him and he means a lot to me but I hate him at the same time, he checks my phone every day and doesn't let me go on social networking sites or speak to my friends or see them, I attend college and all he does is accuse me of all sorts. I mean he accuses me of flirting with girls and boys and even his sister. I can honestly say I haven't done that at all because I know he would just start an argument. When we have an argument over text he always says if he gives me another chance then I do as he says I always accept that because I don't know what life would be like with out him. When we have a serious argument over the phone he always resorts to speaking to his ex's and other girls, but if we argue in person he shout really loudly and raises his hand to me. Once before he has pinned me down on the floor and shouted right in my face so I ran upstairs and cries for hours and he just stood in the room giving me grief. He makes me do things I don't want to do and he knows full well I don't want too but he just doesn't take my feelings into consideration. When the relationship is good it's alright he's always making me laugh and smile, I just don't know what to do anymore I love him but I don't want to feel unhappy and useless and worthless anymore. I know this isn't anything serious and there are more serious things going on else where I just needed a bit of help, thanks x

    Abbie - 29/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Abbie

      Thanks for posting. We’re really sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them.

      Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope this helps

      Take care
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 29/10/2014

  • anonymous

    26/10/2014

    me and my partner been together nearly 3 years, I am now almost 19 and hes 19 and we have a little girl aged 15 months, ever since after the birth of our daughter the abuse started, he has punched, thrown me against a wall, doors, slapped and the list could go on, I really want to leave him but I have no place to go to, as we live together. just don't know where to turn for help.

    anonymous - 26/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for posting. We're really sorry to hear you have been suffering physical abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal and it can seriously damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of physical abuse can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour.

      It’s very important to try and find someone you trust to talk to about what’s been happening in your relationship. It could be a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there, you’re not on your own.

      As you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      You can also hear from a survivor of domestic violence here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a8fsrPEaYQ&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=3&feature=plcp

      We hope this helps

      Take care
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 29/10/2014

  • MR X

    24/10/2014

    Hi there,
    I really need some expert advice.. my wife and I have been in a relationship for altogether 8 years but last year found out she is having an affair (which came out of the blue ) with her ex abusive boyfriend.... They have an abusive past and he is very controlling and the signs are already starting to show...

    she won't even talk to me on why she cheated on me ?

    I have been stalked by her boyfriend and been attacked in my own home by this guy 's dad who came to my house to collect her without my consent...

    Before they came to my house i had to call the police and keep myself and my wife safe until the cops came...

    we met up a few times in secret (lunch in a public place ) but after that all stopped in febuary due to this abuser changed shifts to nights in order to control her day as well as having a dog / house to look after..

    She has changed her behaviour and has even fallen out with her best friend. over this... I can't talk to her family but i do belive that we are all in the same boat by walking on eggshells at present....

    I also I can't call her as she calls me on her terms which is very limited ... because i belive she is scared of what he might do and so on ..
    as buy the looks of things he/ and his family checks her calls...

    As by doing this he clearly does not trust her and tells her who she can see/ talk to ?

    As she is controlling how we communicate, as she calls me on her terms and has cut me and her best friend off facebook..

    He also controls her in other ways as she lives in his rented house as well as he drives her everywhere this includes driving her to work in which she can catch the bus instead

    She has limited support and has kept herself isolated frm me but i do belive its all to do with her abusive boyfriend but im just going to be supportive for when she is ready to talk to me or to you or any other person who will listen and support her ...

    So I really need an honest and experts opinion on this situation that we are in

    So my 1st question I want to ask to you is .. when you control someone while in a relationship does this count as verbal or emotional abuse or both ?

    what kind of abuse is this ?

    And my 2nd question is how likely is going to get worse by leading to sexual /physical - domestic violence as he has abused her in the past...

    Also all this has happend with in a period of 10 months ...

    And I am only going by what I know at present

    I really need your help

    I look forward to your response

    Kind Regards

    MR X

    MR X - 24/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Mr X
      Thanks for your post, I understand how difficult this must be for you. I am sorry that this has happened, it's great that you are still supporting her though.

      What you describe is emotional abuse - this includes controlling who someone sees, where they go, isolating them etc. It can also include threats and psychological abuse. Emotional abuse is a form of domestic violence and is taken very seriously.

      It's hard to say if things will escalate. Emotional abuse itself is serious but you are right to worry that the abuse may become physical or sexual especially if it has happened in the past.

      You say you have contacted the police already - you can always contact them again and explain your concerns. There should be a community safety team who will investigate cases of domestic violence.

      You can also contact the national free phone 24 hour domestic violence helpline on 0800 2000 247 as they can offer you advice and tell you about the nearest support services in your area.

      You say she calls you sometimes - perhaps next time you can ask her if she would like to access their support - I know this will be hard as she will be scared and he is so controlling about where she goes. If she is working though she may be able to call them herself from there?

      The more support she has the better. I know it will be hard feeling that she has cut you off but she has probably been forced to do so. The more people who know about what is happening the better. I do encourage you to call the helpline and get some advice from them, and call the police if needed.
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 12/12/2014

  • Ako

    15/10/2014

    My friend married my husband in December 2011. Everything was OK until about 3 months later when he started demanding money. She initially refused but he began blackmailing her saying if she did not give him the money, he will make sure she is repatriated to her home country. She had a very good job. She got scared as her continuous stay in the UK depended on him. She paid the money. By the end of December 2012 she had paid the man ã9000. She refused to pay any more and embarked on discrediting her to her family members, friends and his friends. He has seized her letters. She is due to submit her application to the home office and th man has blatantly refused to sign her application forms. He has driven her out of the house. Sheis very afraid to go to the police as she thinks the police will not believe her. She is now bd pressed.

    Ako - 15/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Ako

      I am really sorry to hear about what your friend is going through. She is lucky to have you supporting her.

      We think the best thing to do is for her to go to the local visa application centre - you can search for them via this link and https://www.gov.uk/find-a-visa-application-centre

      It is important that they know that she has been a victim of domestic violence as this will impact on her claim so do encourage her to tell them everything that has happened. Any evidence she has will be useful to take with her.

      She can also contact the national domestic violence helpline for advice on 0800 2000 247.

      I hope this helps.
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 17/12/2014

  • Siovonne

    13/10/2014

    Nearly 4 years ago, i was 13 and i was in a relationship with a guy who was 16. I thought that this was okay. But he started talking about sex all the time, and it was really frustrating, I didn't know what to do, I told him a million times I didn't want to do it, I wasn't ready, and he just wouldn't listen, and he kept talking about it. He then forced me into doing to so. And I haven't said anything about this to anyone, I've kept this a secret for the past 4 years. He raped me. And to this day, he still doesn't even know he did so. He even posted a status last year saying, and I quote, 'Any man who has raped someone should have their penis cut off as well as their fingers. Sick bastards..' And to this day, it still gets to me, and I get flash backs and it's horrible, I was 13.

    Siovonne Siovonne - 13/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for posting. We’re really sorry to hear about this distressing incident from your past. We think it is really important that even though this may have happened some time ago, you should still try to speak to someone about this if you can.
      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a serious crime and it should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      No matter how long ago it happened please try and find someone you trust to talk to - a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you; they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted.

      We hope that this helps.

      Take care,
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team - 13/10/2014

  • Chelsey

    11/10/2014

    I don't no if it is abuse but every time we have an argument he always calls me a slag tramp and that IM worthless and threatens to hit me but hr hasn't he occasionally throws things at me but punches walls and doors and I always end up crying but when I do stand up to him he pulls my hair not really hard and he says he is gunna leave me but I dunno what to do should I leave him

    Chelsey - 11/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for posting on the website. We’re sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them.
      Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope this helps

      Take care
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 13/10/2014

  • Grace

    05/10/2014

    My ex was abbusive to physically, emotionally and mentally, I've been able to get help through the police, he did this to his other ex as well and just got probation, what do you think will happen to him, I don't want him doing what he's done to me or his ex to happen to other girls where we live, he also has mental health problems so he blames it on that,

    Grace - 05/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Grace

      I am really sorry to hear about the abuse you experienced. It is great that you are getting support from the police. Make sure you tell them everything that happened.
      It is really hard to say what the outcome will be, but if he was on probation for abusing someone else and you have then reported it as happening to you - this will be taken very seriously and will be a violation of his probation.

      Mental health issues are no excuse for abuse.

      I hope that you are ok and safe - you can always ring the 24 national domestic violence helpline on 0800 2000 247 anytime if you need some support or advice.

      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 12/12/2014

  • Anon

    04/10/2014

    I was 13 at the time and my boyfriend was 15, I'm now 14. One day me and my boyfriend had a discussion on how far 'I would go' I told him I didn't want to go any further then kissing, he brought uo the subject of 'fingering' me and I said no. The next day we met and he tried to touch me in places where I didn't want to be touched and tried putting his hand down my trousers, I pulled his hand away several times but he kept trying, so at this point I just let him, a few days later he broke up with me and also told my bestfriend he fingered me so it went round my whole school. I'm telling you this because I'm not really sure if this was wrong or not because I let him, it keeps going through my head and it's confusing. Thankyou x

    Anon - 04/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi
      I am really glad you got in touch. What happened must have been really upsetting and I am not surprised it's going round your head.
      Ok, you clearly told him you were not ready for anything more than kissing and he did not accept this. He kept pushing and trying things despite you saying no and pulling his hand away. Just because you ended up letting him does not mean you wanted him to or that you consented - he did not give you any space to say no and be heard.

      You did nothing wrong. He was abusive and you were scared and upset - he did not have your consent. You were also only 13 so were too young to give consent anyway.

      I am really sorry that you friend also told the school about what happened, that must have added to the upset.

      Is there anyone you can talk to about this? A teacher or your mum or dad? I know it can be hard and feel embarrassing but honestly you did not do anything wrong. Try not to be on your own with him again, and remember that not all boys are like this. In the future you can have a great and loving relationship.

      This is a good site to get some more info about healthy relationships:
      http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/

      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 08/12/2014

  • Lincolnshire

    01/10/2014

    Unfortunately i am the abuser no excuses i should have known better. the woman i love i have very nearly lost due to my behavior both mentally and physically It was so easy to blame the wife for pushing all the wrong buttons never listening but she bravely stood up and said enough is enough. the last two weeks have been very demanding and extremly mentally difficult. i have taken time out to look at myselve and do i want to loose everything after all these years.This may be difficult to understand but i will not promise to my wife to stop this behaviour (something i have done many times) instead i have promised myself never to resort to bullying and being physical I will take time out and listen It may be quite late but the relationship has to be two ways some thing i should have learnt years ago.
    in conclusion if your reading this take time out to see if you are as nice as you think you are you might be suprised

    Lincolnshire - 01/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi

      Thanks for your post. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you have been abusive and also to recognise how brave your wife was at telling you how she felt.

      It can be hard to change behaviour and attitudes alone though so I really suggest getting some support. There is a brilliant organisation called Respect who work with people who are abusive and help them to change and stop that behaviour. You can call their helpline and they can also tell you if there is a support group near you.
      www.respectphoneline.org.uk
      The Respect Phoneline is open Monday-Friday 9am-5pm.
      Call: freephone 0808 802 4040
      You can also email and they aim to reply within 2 working days: info@respectphoneline.org.uk

      Please do contact them and remember that you can change and your wife deserves a safe, loving and respectful relationship - as do you.
      Good luck
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 08/12/2014

  • ANON

    01/10/2014

    I have been with my gf for coming on 2 years and from the start I had noticed that her family unit, mother, brother and sister were extremely close. My gf revealed that there had been a history of prior sexual abuse for them as children and the family unit had left the abusive father figure many years ago. Subsequently they are all very attached to each other with my gf extremely dependent on mother. As our relationship has progressed, I have seen how controlling and interfering these people are in regards to our relationship. There have been times when I have been threatened 'if I ever leave her I'm in trouble', constant pressure and innuendos about us getting married, interfering texts and phone calls from each of the family following periods where me and the gf have argued and she has been very upset. There doesn't seem to be the normal boundaries in place and my gf cant see this or maybe doesn't want to see how unfair this is and that she is far too dependent and close to mother. My gf is very needy and constantly tells me she doesn't know what she would do if I left her and I'm her world, etc. I feel like I'm stuck in a prison as I have been a nice guy and stood by her for this length of time talking to her about my concerns when these incidents have happened in the nicest non-confrontational manner hoping things might change, but I cant see the situation changing anytime soon. I am at my wits end and know that if I break up with her I will break her heart and worry about her reaction and that of her family as well. I feel trapped and just don't know what to do. I worry strongly that we are not even living together or engaged/married/kids at this point and if this is the way things are now, they will be unbearable later down the track. Any advice would be appreciated.

    ANON - 01/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi
      Thanks for your message, that sounds like a really difficult position for you to be in.

      Experiencing child sexual abuse is very traumatic and can have long lasting impacts on people and how they form relationships. It sounds like you have already identified this as being linked to how the family are now behaving which I think is accurate. However, that does not make it any easier for you to help her but also have the space you need in the relationship.

      Do you know if your girlfriend has ever spoken to anyone about the abuse? This would be a really important step for her to be able to heal and discuss any issues she has personally and also that may be affecting how she feels in a relationship.

      There are a couple of great organisations that she could contact. One is rape crisis - about 65% of people who contact them are adult survivors of child sexual abuse. They will be able to listen and offer advice and support. She can also access counselling and info about the nearest centre to her.

      http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/childsexualabuse2.php
      freephone helpline 0808 802 9999
      12 - 2.30pm
      7 - 9.30pm

      NAPAC are another organisation who support adults abused as children - http://napac.org.uk/
      Call free on 0808 801 0331- lines are open 10am till 9pm Monday to Thursday, 10am till 6pm on Friday. You can also email them - support@napac.org.uk
      They also have lots of useful leaflets on their site and details of local support groups.

      I think the only way for your relationship to move forward is for you to continue to support her and help her to access support to deal with what happened to her.
      But, this is your choice and you may feel that the relationship is not right for you. In this case it would also be important for her to have that professional support. I don't want you to feel burdened with responsibility, but to understand perhaps where this is coming from.
      You could also contact the services for advice about how best to help her and cope yourself,

      I hope this helps.
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 08/12/2014

  • Luke

    30/09/2014

    I am 16, so is my girlfriend, we are in a 2 year long relationship, and over the years she has managed to take some pictures of me naked, and has sent them to my friends when she doesn't get what she wants. I have wanted to leave her before, but she threatens to send them around again and accuse me of rape (which I strongly deny). Any help?

    Luke - 30/09/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Luke
      I am glad you got in touch. It sounds like a really upsetting situation to be in. It is absolutely not ok for your girlfriend to be doing this. Taking images and sending them to your friends if she does not get what she wants is abusive.
      It is also not ok to threaten to say you raped her if you break up with her. I can see why you are worried. In fact, because you are under 18, what she is doing is against the law as she is technically distributing images of a child.

      Does anyone else know about this? I think it is important that you tell people - maybe someone at college or you can talk to a specialist organisation. Please don't be embarrassed, they deal with things like this all the time. The sooner you tell someone, the sooner it can be dealt with.

      Here is a really good site that explains more about what I have said and what you can do. Childline can help you and you can also fill out an online reporting form on a website called ceop:
      http://www.childline.org.uk/explore/onlinesafety/pages/sexting.aspx
      https://www.ceop.police.uk/ceop-report/

      You do not have to deal with this alone,
      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 08/12/2014

  • Hannah

    30/09/2014

    back in november of 2011 a boy had sex with me in a back of his car. I don't remember much of the experience because I was at an almost unconscious level of drunkenness. What I do remember is that we had sex. I do remember crying, but I'm not entirely sure whether the crying happened before or during the act. The experience affected me a lot. After the incident, I got into my first proper sexual relationship. About six moths into the relationship, with the stress of uni i started to remember the incident and I began to be uncomfortable with my boyfriend or really anyone touching me physically. This could be any sort of touch bar maybe a handshake. For example, a university lecturer pat me on the back after I got an answer correct, and I internally freaked. Anyway, the touching thing obviously caused relationship strain, and for that as well as many other reasons, i eventually broke up with my boyfriend. I guess what my problem is is that I fear I will never be able to call what happened to me legitimate assault because I don't remember what happened. I could have been the survivor or a liar. I can never know whether I'm just someone that played the victim card to find a way to get out of a relationship or to gain sympathy, or whether I had a legitimate excuse to be upset. I have been getting some therapy over the past year and a half, and my therapist suggested that I accept what I do know; that i had an upleasant first sexual experience and that a person took advantage rather than try to name it. I am having a little trouble doing this though and at times i still just feel really insincere. With all the information available, is there a name I can give to what happened?

    Hannah - 30/09/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Hannah
      Thank you so much for your message. It sounds like what happened was very traumatic and has affected you a great deal. This is a totally normal response to what you went through. It sounds like you tried to suppress the memories but as you say, other stress made them come back to the surface. This then caused you to fear any kind of touch. Again, this is very normal given what you went through.

      The law says that if you are drunk you are unable to consent to sex, and therefore if someone does have sex with you this is officially rape. I know it can be a scary word to use but it may help you to know that you were not in any way to blame and you are certainly not a liar or trying to use what happened to end a relationship. You sound like you are having a genuine response to trauma and that needs a specific type of counselling to work through it.

      I suggest that you contact 'rape crisis' - they are a lovely charity that talk to people everyday who have been through similar experiences and can offer you confidential advice and support. They can also tell you about services and counselling near to you.

      http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
      freephone helpline
      0808 802 9999
      12 - 2.30pm
      7 - 9.30pm

      You do not have to keep on fearing touch, you can work through this and i hope this is the first step on that journey. Well done for being brave and talking about it,
      take care
      jo

      This is Abuse team - 07/12/2014

  • Anonymous

    30/09/2014

    Hi I have been in a relationship for 5years now got 4 kids one who is from a previous relationship the 5 year have been hell I get called fat ugly tolled no othere man will want me says am a bad mum and when I ask him to leave I get threatened really don't know what else to do now actually feel like talking my kids and running away

    Anonymous - 30/09/2014

    Reply
    • Hi
      Thanks for your message, it is good you are looking for support. It sounds like your partner is being emotionally abusive and also threatening. It is not nice to call you names and say that you are a bad mum, or to threaten you if you say you want to leave. I understand why you feel like leaving.
      Have you told anyone else about this? It can really help to talk to other people, you can always talk to a doctor, maybe someone at the kids school? They will be able to safely advise you. You can also ring the 24 hour free national domestic violence helpline on 0800 2000 247 and they can give you advice and tell you about local services. They can also advise you on how to safely leave the relationship. There are also some tips here:http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/

      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 07/12/2014

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