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This is ABUSE

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An expert from Young People’s Services – AVA – is reading and responding to posts on the site, to ensure that responses are independent, sensitive and helpful.

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Results: 75 - 90 of 2214

  • Beata

    24/11/2014

    Hi. I am married for 19 years. We have 4 children and living in UK for 7 years. My husband is horrible to me and my oldest daughter. He calling her by names and is telling her that she is not allowed to eat because she came from her boyfriend and she should eat there. He is switches off broadband or even tele as we are not allowed to watch. He is calling me a fat bitch and pig and he is telling to my children that their f*** mother maybe will do something for them. We are living in council house and I dont have enough money to move to private house. I am fed up of being treated like this. I need a help to move from him as he doesn't want to move from the house. I am working hard and dont want leave my children with him but I am already really stressed

    Beata - 24/11/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Beata

      Thanks for your message, I am sorry to hear about what you and your daughter are going through. I understand how hard that is.

      In terms of what to do you can ring the national domestic violence helpline anytime on 0800 2000 247 and they can advise and support you. You can also ring the police on 999 if you are scared.

      You can also talk to your doctor or someone else you trust - perhaps as teacher at your daughters school.

      I think you would also benefit from some legal advice and you can access free legal advice here:
      Call 020 7251 6577
      Monday 7-9pm, Tuesday 7-9pm, Wednesday 7-9pm, Thursday 7-9pm, Friday 12-2pm
      (please note that the line will be closed on Thursday, 18 December 2014 and from Monday, 22 December 2014 to Friday, 2 January 2015. The line will re-open on Monday, 5 January 2015)

      There is support available and you do not have to cope alone,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 24/12/2014

  • Anonymous

    23/11/2014

    My dad used to attacl me and my sister when we were young but since my parents split up and he got councilling he hasn't done it since. Untill today. We arguing about what the definition of intimidation is (ironicly). I was looking it up on my ipod when he, pulled my charger out from the wall and threw my ipod. He said GET OUT MY HOUSE and grabbed me. He threw me down the stairs and out te front door. I had no shoes on and he yelled at me, so i callef him an effing c***, at this he yanked me back inside and threw me on the floor, he said this is what intimidation is, and that he could easily beat me i said he was a psycho and he threw me back out into the rain. He then threw my shoes at me, and i said call mum. He said GADLY and then i said tell her to call the police you psycho. He slammed the door. Moments later he opened it again to throw my bag at me and my ipod (which smashed) i then went to the end of the road an waited for my mum. What should i do please help?

    Anonymous - 23/11/2014

    Reply
    • Hi
      Thank you for your post. I am really sorry and concerned to hear about how your dad has been treating you. It is totally unacceptable and abusive.

      Were you able to tell your mum what happened? How did she respond?

      I think you should contact childline who can support you with this and give you lots of advice. You can call, email or talk to a counsellor via live chat.
      http://www.childline.org.uk/Talk/Pages/ContactingChildLine.aspx

      You can also report this to the police or social services. I am not sure how old you are so it's hard to properly advise you, but what has happened is totally wrong and not your fault. You deserve to be safe.

      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 20/12/2014

  • Mel

    18/11/2014

    Hi, I guess I don't know where to start. I have been with my partner for 5 years and recently split up. The first time I realised he wasn't all he made out was when he threw a 20 pence at my eye because he thought I looked at someone driving past... There was then a few more incidents such as ragging my hair in an argument .... Punching me if I said no to sex. It then stopped and he began going out disappearing for days calling me a slag. He then split up with me and would call me only if he wanted sex telling me he wanted to be back with me. At this time I lost weight and couldn't eat. 6 months on we got back together I found out I was pregnant everything was ok for about 3 months until he started going out calling me a tramp once the baby was here he went out more attacked me by head butting me because I said no to sex... Saying I'm ugly raw he can do better. I then found out he was having a relationship behind my back. We sorted that out things got really happy then it started again he punched me in my stomach, started not letting me sleep forcing me into sex...the list is endless and if for example I didn't do something like open the window he would throw his dinner then tell me to clean it up. I finally got the courage to call the police when he took an overdose and stopped contact with my baby. Since despite him smashing my car up bricking my house and getting an injunction the police have said the violence is historic. Wat can I do ? He has never helped with the baby never changed her or bonded . She is now 4 and he is better as he has supervised contact. He has even previously locked me in my room for 4 hours abused and assaulted me and the police say there is no evidence.

    Mel - 18/11/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Mel

      I am so very sorry to hear about the horrific abuse that you went through. It must have been incredibly traumatic.

      It is really good that you were so brave and went to the police and I am sorry that you felt you did not get the response you wanted. It may be that some of the things that happened are no longer within the statute of limits as they were a few years ago, but you have mentioned some serious crimes including rape, false imprisonment, physical abuse and criminal damage. It may be hard for them to get evidence after some time has passed but they have a duty to investigate all crimes no matter when they were committed.

      I think it is also really important that you get some support to cope with what happened. You can call the domestic violence helpline anytime on 0800 2000 247 - they are open 24 hours a day.
      They can advise you and tell you about your options and local services. You can also search for local services here - http://www.womensaid.org.uk/azrefuges.asp?section=00010001000800060002&itemTitle=A-Z+of+services
      I think you would really benefit from some counselling support, advocacy and perhaps even groups with other survivors. There are independent domestic violence advocates who can help you if you do decide to report and you can also access free legal advice here:
      http://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/
      Call 020 7251 6577
      Monday 7-9pm, Tuesday 7-9pm, Wednesday 7-9pm, Thursday 7-9pm, Friday 12-2pm
      (please note that the line will be closed on Thursday, 18 December 2014 and from Monday, 22 December 2014 to Friday, 2 January 2015. The line will re-open on Monday, 5 January 2015)

      Your safety and well-being are the most important thing regardless of whether you decide to report this to the police again.

      I hope this helps.
      take care
      jo

      This is Abuse team - 24/12/2014

  • Meg

    18/11/2014

    When I was around 14 year old I was with a 17 year old boy for around 5 month, we didn't have sexual intercourse but we had sexual contact, and if I didn't want to take part he would get angry, argue and ask why, telling me he didn't understand why I didn't want to and if I loved him I would do it and that it would bring us closer, it happened every so often until the relationship ended. He didn't just make me feel bad in those instances it was also in everyday conversations he would constantly argue with me and make out everything was my fault and hurt my feelings. I look back on it now and just want to know was that rape or emotional abuse or both?

    It also affected me really badly when I got with my next boyfriend a few month later who I am still with (nearly 2 years) we are sexually active and when we first started if I didn't want to do something I felt really guilty and would break down crying, that feeling has mostly gone now; although now I feel emotionally numb and I'm easily angered, etc. I keep having to be referred to mental health clinics and I would if what happened contributes to how I am now? I know its not as bad as other peoples situations but it would help get me to the bottom of why I feel like this.

    Meg - 18/11/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Meg

      Thanks for your message.
      I understand why this is affecting you so much.
      Firstly, what he did was abusive, emotionally and sexually. It is never ok to pressure or force someone to do something that they don't want to do. And actually, because you were under 16 legally you were not able to consent to sexual activity anyway so it was also illegal.

      None of what happened was your fault.

      The feelings you are having now with your current relationship are totally normal given what you have been through. Sexual contact now may be triggering memories of the previous abuse, even if you feel safe with your current boyfriend. I hope he understands how you feel and respects it if you don't want to do anything?

      I am glad to hear that these feelings are getting better, with time that often happens, especially when you feel you can trust someone.
      I think what happened to you is absolutely linked to how you feel now. When you are referred to mental health services are you able to tell them what you went through? I think it is important that you try to do this so they know how best to help you and understand why you are feeling like this now.

      You could also access some specialist counselling for survivors of sexual assualt - rape crisis are a lovely charity with a helpline that you can call to find out about your nearest service:
      http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
      freephone helpline
      0808 802 9999
      12 - 2.30pm
      7 - 9.30pm

      What happened to you does not have to define your life now, it is great you have a lovely boyfriend now but you don't have to struggle alone with how you feel, there is support and you will be able to move forwards.
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 19/12/2014

  • Lucy

    17/11/2014

    Is it rape when I say no many times for not having sex but then he tries anyways and i give up eventually to have sex?

    Lucy - 17/11/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lucy

      That is a good question and one a lot of people ask.

      The basic answer is yes, that would be rape. If someone wants to have sex and and you say no and they still continue that is rape. Even if you eventually 'agree', you have made it really clear that you do not want to and they should respect that.

      There is some info here about consent and what it means - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assault/consent

      If this is happening to you then you can always talk to rape crisis who can listen and help you - http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
      freephone helpline
      0808 802 9999
      12 - 2.30pm
      7 - 9.30pm

      This is not your fault, no-one deserves this and everyone should be respectful of whether someone else wants to have sex or not. It is your right to say no at anytime, and in fact you don't have to say the word 'no' to not consent to sex. If you have sex because someone is pressuring you to to the point where you feel you have to give in, you have not truly consented.

      Please think about talking to rape crisis and maybe also other people you feel you can talk to like friends, family another adult that you trust.

      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 17/12/2014

  • anna

    17/11/2014

    I'm not sure if this is abuse or not but recently a boy I used to talk to decided he didn't want me to move on. Every day I receive snap chats about being a slut and bbms almost every day then on his 18th birthday I received a phone call from his female friend screaming that I was a slut and she would be seeing me , then a few days ago I found out that he was two doors down from my house and waited there , he's now told all of his friends to pretend this revealing picture going around is me just to make nobody speak to me when the picture is not me. I'm 16 and feel like I can't even leave My house anymore because he could be watching me and might approach me , I don't know how to make this stop or what I can do.

    anna - 17/11/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Anna
      I am really glad you got in touch. This must feel really scary and upsetting.

      What he is doing to you is not ok, it is emotionally abusive and threatening. Does anyone know what he has been doing? Can you tell anyone in your family or maybe a teacher at school? I think you really need some support.

      You can always contact the police, especially if he is harassing you and following you - it is a good idea to keep a note of every time he contacts you or hangs around near your house. Can you block him on snap chat and bbm?

      If he puts out the picture which he is pretending is of you, you can report this to the police or to Childline who can help get the images removed if they are online - there is some more info at the bottom of this page - http://www.childline.org.uk/explore/onlinesafety/pages/sexting.aspx

      What he is doing is wrong and you have not done anything wrong. Please tell people so you can get the support you need,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 17/12/2014

  • Sarah

    15/11/2014

    I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year, he's been jealous and controlling since day one. He tells me who I can hang out with and when, made me delete social profiles, tells me what I can't wear, calls me names. He wasn't ever physically abusive until the night before last. We were arguing while I was vacuuming and he stormed over and grabbed the vacuum from me then smashed it into pieces. Then he grabbed my arms, slammed me into the wall, punched a dent in the wall next to my head, and punched out the window on the other side of me. We kept going from room to room fighting. He kept grabbing my arms and wrists hard and at one point I shoved him, he shoved me back hard and I tried to swing at him, and he picked me up, slammed me to the ground and told me to stay down and not move. I said okay and he started pacing around the living room freaking out. I told him I was going to leave and he said that he would kill himself. Then I crawled over to him, started kissing his shoulders and knees. I apologized for everything and begged him to stay with me. Now he's acting like nothing happened, and I feel totally empty inside. I'm afraid to leave him because he's got a lot of really bad stuff going on in his life right now and I really think he's being serious about taking his life. I love him so much it hurts, I have emotional meltdowns when I think about leaving him, but I can't forget about what happened and I can't act like it never happened. I don't know what to do.

    Sarah - 15/11/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thank you for your post. Staying in a relationship where you are being emotionally and/or physically abused could cause you to lose your self-esteem and confidence. Signs of physical abuse can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour, and signs of emotional abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      An abusive, violent or controlling relationship is not normal or acceptable; nobody needs to tolerate this behaviour and if the bullying is making you worried you need to speak to a trusted adult.

      If you’re under 18 and you need to talk to someone in confidence contact ChildLine on 0800 11 11 or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, contact the 24 hour, National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      We hope this helps

      Take care
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 20/11/2014

  • Jade

    15/11/2014

    I came home with a guy, he proceeded to penetrate me from the offset, then he started to get rougher, and hurt me, I said no and stop a couple times but he wouldn't, I tried texting my friend for help, I went to the kitchen and cried, my friend kicked him out of my room in the end, the next morning I was bleeding a little, even the day after. Is this a case for the police ? What will happen if I report this? Although I was saying stop, I didn't do much more to stop him, and I let him in my room, so is it classed as rape?

    Jade - 15/11/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Jade
      I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you. It must have been really frightening and upsetting.

      It does not matter if you invited him into your room - you clearly did not want to have sex, you said no and told him to stop and yet he carried on, this means it was rape.

      The best thing to do is to contact Rape Crisis who are a charity who can help you. They can give confidential advice and support, tell you about your nearest centre if you want to access counselling and also talk you through what would happen if you did choose to report to the police (that is totally up to you). http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
      0808 802 9999

      You can also see your GP about the physical side of what happened or you can visit a sexual assault referral centre - http://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Rape-and-sexual-assault-referral-centres/LocationSearch/364

      Remember that this was not your fault and there is support available to help you get through this whether you choose to report it or not.

      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 15/12/2014

  • Damaris

    15/11/2014

    I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 20 and he is incredibly protective of me, he is pretty controlling and doesn't let me go out often or do things like smoke (even though he does) because he says I will make a fool out of myself. He doesn't like other people messaging me no matter their gender because he feels like I'm going to cheat on him although I never have and constantly remind him how much I love him. He also has random out bursts of anger everyday and it can get really scary because he calls me names and threatens me and after makes me 'make it up to him' by having sex with him or sending him nude pics of myself or doing sexual activities over Skype although I told him I don't feel comfortable doing things like that. He also tells lies like he has been in a car crash or been stopped by the police for drugs and makes me go along with it every time. He puts me under so much pressure all the time and is in constant communication with me via text and threatens to break up with me if I don't reply because I'm at school or do as he says and I don't know how much longer I can keep going. I've tried to break it off with him before but he said it wasn't for me to decide. I love him but I don't know how to cope anymore. I find myself in tears twice a day worrying. I just feel trapped.

    Damaris - 15/11/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thank you for your post. We’re really sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope that this helps

      Take care
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 20/11/2014

  • Corey

    14/11/2014

    I was in a relationship with my ex boyfriend for just over two years. I was 14-16 and he was 17-19 throughout the relationship. He has recently just been released from prison due to domestic violence when we were together. I am now 17 and struggling to deal with the fact that I was embarrassed to tell the police some of the things that went on throughout my relationship. He pressured me into sending indecent pictures and would set me deadlines as to when I would have to send them by or he would threaten me saying that he would kill himself and it would be all my fault or that he would tell everyone that I was a slut or a bitch. He would tell me to go on cams and to take my clothes off and if I didn't he would say that I didn't love him or care about him. He would be very indecent on cams at times even when I asked him not to. I know it's easy to say I should have just gone off cams or not replied to his messages but it would cause problems when we seen me face to face. We went out one night for a meal and on the way to the bus he took me down a strange alleyway and started kissing and touching me. I asked him to stop and started walking away. He took note of this but when we got on the bus on the way home he began talking innapropriately and unzipping his trousers. The main reason I am writing this is because I need advice on whether I should go to the police or not and explain that I was embarrassed to say it in the first place. I feel that if I don't report it i would feel responsible for anyone else who had to go through it from my ex. Please help!

    Corey - 14/11/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Corey
      Thank you for your message.

      I totally understand why you were worried about talking to the police about some of the other stuff that happened. It can be embarrassing to talk about personal things, but please understand that they hear things like this all the time and would not judge you in any way.

      Has your ex made contact with you since getting out of prison? I want to make sure you are safe. If he does get back in touch or threaten you in any way please go to the police. There are tips here for keeping safe - http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/help-for-women/keeping-safe/

      Have you been able to tell anyone else what he did? What he did was very abusive. It is not ok to force someone to send images/go on cam if they don't want to. He used blackmail and threats to get you to do this and as you were under 18 at the time this is also illegal as he was technically in possession of indecent images of a child. Remember that none of this is your fault.

      You can absolutely go back to the police to tell them about this, do you have contact with the officers who you spoke to originally?

      You are not responsible for what he may do in the future, he is the only one responsible for his abusive actions. But, I do understand why you want to report this and it is good if the police have a full picture of his offending behaviour.

      You may also think about getting counselling or support to cope with what happened to you. Things like that can have a long lasting impact on you and it may help to talk things through. You can always talk to the national domestic violence helpline on 0800 2000 247.

      I really hope this helps,
      take care and come back here anytime to talk more,
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 17/12/2014

  • Sara

    14/11/2014

    Hi ,
    I just wanted a second opinion on my relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now ,and for the first 5 months everything was great . I am a very laid back person who's likes to joke and have fun , when i met my boyfriend his personality was what drew me to him he was very funny and seemed like a chilled guy. However after some months we started arguing about the littlest things, he would watch my face expressions and literally analyse them when he talks to me ; for example one day we was walking down the road and he was talking to me and i was looking at the road as we was about to cross then he goes 'observer' and nods his head i choose to ignore that to prevent an argument but then he walks so fast ahead of me ; i was soo embarrassed and upset.

    He also has times were he just has a face on (an angry face) and his tone seems so uninterested , however when i ask what is wrong he always says "nothing!" Which makes me feel like i am seeing things. He got me a ring around 8months into our relationship a 'promise ring' and every time we argue he always brings it up telling me to throw it away and saying he prays it gets lost. He also calls me names when his angry , i am very passionate about our relationship and when we argue sometimes i get upset and recently he mimicked me and called me a baby cry , i was shocked as i could not understand how you can mock someone at the lowest point.
    When me and my boyfriend get into an argument he over-annalyses my words for example if i say to him 'lets stop arguing' he will take it as i am being a boss and call me a "shot caller" which i find soo irrational. I feel like i always have to watch what i say or do when i am around him as i am sick and tired of our arguments.

    I do really love my boyfriend as he is an amazing guy does the nicest things like write me cards takes me out, buys me random gifts but sometimes i wonder does he do this so he can distract me from how horrible he is to me when he is mad. He is a complete different person when his mad and when i ask him why he says nasty things he says that he wants to hurt me because he is angry at that time and doesnt mean them.

    When we met i was at college and was working and he had dropped out of his first year at university and was looking for a job so i made sure i did what i could to look after him, i sat online and applied for jobs on his behalf and sure little things like his oyster had money in it and he had money for cigarettes and trust me he does the same for me and that's one of the reasons why I love him because he always ensures i am taken care off. When we would argue i would just blame his frustrations on the fact that he was not in employment as he always talked about how he felt less of a man because i was working and he wasn't even when we was out in a park and i was enjoying myself he would be moody and later on tell me because he thought him taking me to the park was not a good plan he wished he could take me somewhere nice. I would get mad because i just wanted him to enjoy the moment as that's all we had. Even though now his in employment he is still getting frustrated at small things and says his tired and just came from work and i call to argue. (He lives at his parents house and so do i)

    Anyway he has a really bad anger and he has told me in the past that his dad was physically and verbally abusive to his mother, even though he has not been physical with me i feel like he picked up his verbal abusive from his dad from a young age and does not know how to speak to a female even when he is mad.
    When he is not mad we have a great time. But when his mad which I feel is outweighing when he is happy currently its really bad and he just says "we don't understand eachother " as if that helps. I don't know what to do ? And if this kind behaviour is normal ?.
    I am 21 btw and he is 26 , sorry for the long paragraph i tried to give as much information as i can to help you give me an input.
    Thank you in advance
    All the best
    Sara

    Sara - 14/11/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Sara
      Thanks for your message.
      I can see why you would find his behaviour confusing and frustrating. It's hard when someone can be lovely sometimes but unkind the next, you never know where you are with them.
      Even if someone witnessed domestic violence as a child that is no excuse to be abusive themselves. However, you are right in that it may be that he learnt how to behave by watching his dad and may not fully understand how a healthy and respectful relationship should be.

      I think you need to decide if you want to stay in the relationship or not. I know that is a hard decision to make.
      Have a look at this checklist as it may help you: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse

      If you do decide to leave then you need to do this safely - here are some tips: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/

      It's a good idea to tell people what has been happening as well, that can be family/friends/someone at work/GP etc and you can also contact the national helpline anytime on 0800 2000 247.

      You deserve to be in a happy and respectful relationship,
      take care
      jo

      This is Abuse team - 19/12/2014

  • Stacey

    11/11/2014

    Hello , I've been living with my boyfriend for about 9 weeks, I gave up everything to be with him and everything felt great at first. He gets angry very quickly over me having a little moan or just the slightest disagreement. Work stresses him out so I know he's under pressure but he..no other way to put it but physically beats me. He knows it's wrong and always apologizes but it's always the same , I get hurt and he says sorry again. I know I should leave him but we fought for this relationship to happen and I feel I just don't want to give up on him. I know he's a good person and we have a lot of good times but when it's bad it's really bad and he doesn't know how to control himself. What can I do to help myself and him ? I don't have many friends as it's a new area I moved to so I feel alone :(

    Stacey - 11/11/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Stacey
      Thanks for your message, I am sorry to hear about the abuse you are experiencing.

      I do understand how much you care for your boyfriend and feel you have fought for the relationship as well as moving in recently - but - your safety is the most important thing. Abuse of any kind is not ok, and it is not how people should act in a respectful, loving relationship. It doesn't matter if someone is stressed at work or any other excuse, abuse is always a choice and it is never ok.

      It can be really hard and confusing to love someone but hate their behaviour but you are doing the right thing in looking for support.
      It is important that people around you know what is happening so they can support you. You can always ring the police if you are scared, and you can also ring the national domestic violence helpline on 0800 2000 247 anytime as they are open 24 hours a day and offer free and confidential advice. They can also tell you about local support services or you can search for them here: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/azrefuges.asp?section=00010001000800060002&itemTitle=A-Z+of+services

      If you do decide to leave the relationship, don't see it as giving up on him, see it as keeping yourself safe. If you do this, it's important that you do so safely and there are some helpful tips here - http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/ about how to leave safely if you are living with someone. It would be best not to be on your own and not to tell him what you are planning.

      I know this may feel overwhelming but it is important that you get the help you deserve and need. Remember that this is not your fault. You can get help, and if he wants to change, he can also get help - Respect have a helpline for people who use abuse in relationships and can also tell him about support groups for men to take accountability for their abuse and to get help to change - http://www.respectphoneline.org.uk/

      You are not on your own,

      Take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 15/12/2014

  • Barbara

    11/11/2014

    I am a grandparent and worried about my granddaughter aged 3. Her mum died when she was only 5 months old and she is being cared for by her dad. Outwardly he is a quiet well dressed man but is difficult to talk to and I think has mental health issues. He made my daughter very unhappy with his constant calls and messages when they were apart and was badly upset if she wanted to go out with friends. I have been caring for my granddaughter one day each week but he has now decided that's not in her best interest and has placed her in nursery five days a week. This is because she did not want to go home with him one evening. He stormed off leaving her behind making her very distressed. My partner tried to talk to him but got a lot of foul verbal abuse. I feel he is fixating on his daughter in a way that is not good for her. She should be allowed to have fun with her grandma. Why should he stop this? It is as if he does not want her to have any family except him.

    Barbara - 11/11/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Barbara

      Thanks for your post. I understand why you are concerned about your grand daughter.

      I think the best people to speak to are the Children's Legal centre - http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/ The telephone advice line - 0808 802 0008 - is staffed from 8am to 8pm

      They can give you free legal advice about your rights and what the best options are. You could also speak to your local social services department if you are concerned about her being in his care.

      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 12/12/2014

  • Kate

    10/11/2014

    When I was sixteen I was in a relationship with a boy who did not understand no. He used emotional blackmail and my own weakness and fear to 'convince' me to sleep with him for almost a year. I am 21 now and sometimes when people touch my skin I want to throw up. I don't want to waste your time, and I know that what happened to me is nothing compared to what some people have been through, but I am not coping very well. I feel awful. Please help.

    Kate - 10/11/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Kate

      Thanks for posting on the site.

      If you’ve being forced or pressured to have sex, or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with, that is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position. Please understand that what happened was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, don’t blame yourself.

      If you are unsure, examples of sexual abuse or assault can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, being pressured to send naked pictures of yourself, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.

      If this has happened to you, we would always encourage you to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. They offer counselling and support for women who have experienced any form of sexual violence, not just rape.

      We hope that this helps

      Take care
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 11/11/2014

  • marie

    09/11/2014

    Im being abused by my partner hes hitting me in the face pulling my hair out ive no where to go ive tried to fight back hes even put a pillow over my face ive bit him to get him off me ive punched him back ive got absolutely no where to go and all my posessions are here in this house i want him out till i can get somewhere to live it could take a month how do i go about it

    marie - 09/11/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your post on the site. We’re really sorry to hear you have been suffering physical abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal and it can seriously damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of physical abuse can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour.

      It’s very important to try and find someone you trust to talk to about what’s been happening in your relationship. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there, you’re not on your own.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      You can also hear from a survivor of domestic violence here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a8fsrPEaYQ&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=3&feature=plcp

      We hope that this helps

      Take care
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 11/11/2014

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