This is ABUSE

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Results: 60 - 75 of 2265

  • shae


    I get bullied because I uploaded a video of me singing on youtube and i thought i was good, so did all my friends. i regret putting it on there now but i forgot my email and password so i cant get onto my account to delete them and i have been self harming and thinking of suicide, i cant keep calm EVER when they shout out my youtube name! if you would like to look, go ahead, take the micky but i need this to stop! NOW!!!! Help???

    shae - 30/01/2015

    • Hi Shae

      I am really sorry to hear you are being bullied. It will be possible to take the video down, although harder if you can't remember your email address?
      This link looks like it will help as you can say that you have forgotten your email and/or password.
      Or you can contact youtube directly and explain what is going on.

      I understand why the bullying has made you so upset.
      I know it doesn't help but often bullying happens because people are jealous. Maybe they thought your singing was really good and were jealous of that?
      If you feel like self-harming or are thinking about suicide, please get some help. You have so much to live for, so please contact this organisation who support younger people who are feeling like this:
      Call: 0800 068 41 41 - Mon-Fri: 10am-10pm, weekends & bank holidays: 2pm-5pm
      SMS: 07786 209697

      I hope you are able to take the video down if you want to, but keep singing, I bet you are awesome!
      take care

      This is Abuse team - 08/02/2015

  • Azzy


    At the age of 13 I was told by my family that I was going to **** for a holiday. As you know I was so happy because it was my first time going out of UK. When I got to ****, it was so different from UK, the people, the houses and language. As I didn't understand the language I didn't know what most of the people who came to my house was saying. One day I was walking towards the living room when I heard my family sayin ' that I would marry this guy when I turn 16' I was shocked I didn't know what was going on. The people I loved was going to give me away to someone I didn't know. Well anyway there was a wedding so my family asked if I would like to go , I said no as that day I wasn't feeling too good. When everyone left I heard a knock on the door and it was the guy I was going to get married too! He pushed me towards the wall so he could close the door. I fell onto the fall. That day was the worst day of my life. The day I will never forget, I was RAPED not once but three times, I was abused. Few weeks later I came back to UK. I heard my family saying that I should go back to *** as I'm not learning anything in school. I rang childline up and was taken into care until the age of 18, I loved my foster mum she was the best, she always treated me good and like a daughter, for the first time I felt a mothers love. At the age of 18 I got a job and rented a flat out, I wanted to move on and live my life. At 19 I got myself into depression that there was no way out, I stopped eating for weeks and took any tablets I could get hold of. I wanted my life to end because I couldn't handle it no more. At that time my family got in contact with me and I forgiven them for what they did too me. They took advantage of my depression and brought me back home to make me suffer for leaving them. My **** keep an eye on me 24/7, I can't use my phone or talk to my friends. I can only use my phone when I'm alone for 10minz if my mum is cooking, I can't go out unless I have someone with me, I can't take my depression tablets because they keep taking it off me when I get tablets from doctors, they call my every name under the sun they tell me I don't have no self respect that I'm ugly fat ect.... I don't know what to do? I don't know if I call this abuse or what? I have done everything for them I give them my money that I get! But they never happy.. I self harm my self because it makes me feel better, iv tooken overdose a few times. I just don't want to live anymore, I just want to go faaaarrrrrrr away from them: but have no where to go because I feel so alone

    Azzy - 28/01/2015

    • Hi Azzy

      I am so glad you got in touch, it is really important that you get some help.

      You have had a really difficult time, with the threat of forced marriage and also being raped. These things are hugely traumatic, abusive and not to mention illegal.

      I am so glad you rang childline - that was a really brave thing to do, and it sounds like you had a lovely foster mum to support you.

      Depression is such a difficult illness to have and also unfortunately common after rape and abuse. It's not surprising that you wanted to reunite with your family and to try to rebuild those relationships but it sounds like they took advantage of your vulnerability and are now controlling what you do and your access to medication.

      I understand how sometimes self-harming can feel like a release but it can make you feel worse in the long run as well as putting your life at risk. You say you have also taken overdoses and don't want to live anymore. I am really concerned about you Azzy and it's important that you get the help you need and deserve.

      Remember how you turned you life around when you were 16 and rang childline? Try to see this as another opportunity for things to get better. This is the first step on that journey.

      I know you can't use your phone for long but here are some people to contact to get help.
      Firstly if you are feeling suicidal or like hurting yourself, please call this organisation -they are lovely and can help you:
      Call: 0800 068 41 41 - Mon-Fri: 10am-10pm, weekends & bank holidays: 2pm-5pm
      You can also email or text them:
      SMS: 07786 209697

      You can also call the police anytime to report what is happening to you.

      Another organisation called Karma Nirvana help people with issues to do with forced marriage. I know that happened in the past but it may be that your family try this again, and also the abuse you are going through now is all linked:
      This is their helpline: 0800 5999 247

      Are you still in touch with your foster mum? Maybe she can also help, she will also be able to contact social services on your behalf who could help keep you safe and they will know the best people locally to help you.

      I know you feel alone right now, but there are lots of people who care and who can help. You can come back here anytime to talk more, you are not alone.
      take care

      This is Abuse team - 07/02/2015

  • E


    I'm not sure if this is the right place but maybe i can get some answers..

    i have been with my boyfriend a little over a year.
    not a week goes by where a argument doesn't happen.. no matter how silly it is, it is ALWAYS my fault. I'm always forced to be the one to apologise.

    recently i saw he was message a female work colleague. she gave him her number and he's gone on to save it on his phone.
    he has been so paranoid about me getting with someone else that i don't even speak to another male outside of my work place.
    as he has had problems over nothing with me before i confronted him asking if this was anything to be concerned about. he hit the roof. he went crazy with me. calling me pathetic and a malicious cow. i didn't see where this came from? how was i a malicious cow for being upfront and honest about something that bothered me?

    he broke up with me over it and when i said that it was okay (because this is just 1 of 100's arguments where its made to be my fault) because even though i love him dearly, i thought it would be best for me. he then said that i can have another chance.

    he hasn't apologised ONCE. he shouts and me, he swears at me, calls me every name under the sun on MANY occasions. everything is ALWAYS my fault and he always makes out I'm such an awful girlfriend.

    i do EVERYTHING for him and receive nothing in response.

    i feel stuck in this relationship. i know i deserve more than this but i love him. what do i do?

    E - 27/01/2015

    • Hi E

      This is absolutely the right place to come for advice and I am really glad you did!

      Ok, it sounds like he is being emotionally abusive and blaming everything on you despite you having done nothing wrong.

      Any kind of abuse in a relationship is never ok. It can be so hard when you love someone but hate their behaviour. You are right - you do deserve better, you deserve to be treated with love and respect.

      If you decide you want to leave the relationship then that is your decision. He may try to offer you 'another chance' again but it's not you that needs that! Try to think about the positives of leaving and all you have to look forward to. Maybe write down a list of things to look forward to and reasons to not go back to him if he tries to convince you. It will be hard at first but will get much easier.

      Most men are not abusive or controlling so future relationships will not be like this.

      I really hope this helps,
      take care

      This is Abuse team - 07/02/2015

  • fez


    I met this person online in 2007 through a friend who was on my msn list. he added him to the convo and we started chatting. I didn't think too much of it, he added me to friends list and we spoke now and then. I had gone to London to see my friend in London in Oct 2008 and the night I came back I had a witheld call my phone, i answered it and it was this guy J. (I believe i had given him my number earlier in the year - we may have spoken on the phone before and was very pleasant).
    By 2009 we were talking more on the phone and MSN, I had graduated in the winter on 2008 and was still looking for work, Not much to do and with no money we kept talking. Then somewhere along the line it was a january maybe in 2009/2010 I told him i told want to talk to you and he went mental. I had given him my house number and address once on the phone as a joke i said it really fast as he would say if you love me you'll give me it. The bad thing was he memorized it so that day when we argued and i said i didnt want to talk to him he rang my house phone at 1/1.30am in the morning when all my family was sleeping. I then immediately rang him back from my house phone as i had no credit and was crying as i couldn't believe he had done that and he was going crazy and saying you can't leave me etc. Then somewhere along the line, i started to get prank calls and texts saying its J's wife. J would say its my cousin playing games. Along with the house phone calls and this and then seeing his picture (which i did not like) i realised i started to hate him and what he had done to me. COntrolling my life, not letting me see my friends, not letting me use my facebook, made me snap my sim card with my number i had for 10 years. Making sure i answered his calls to make sure i wasn't out anywhere - he would listen to the background to make sure no boys. And send me abusive text messages calling me a fat b"tch cheating as i didnt answer calls. he once saw some messages an old friend send on FB and went crazy. logs on to facebook and twitter and email accounts, sent any messages he thought were from guys (going back to school days) to himself in a secret email address. I wasn't allowed access to his information.I went to london for my friends hen party and J is from there, we went out to eat and he was watching us from the side of the road and then came to our hotel and made me see him. this was late night but i had to text him all of my locations as i thought i was protecting my family. (this is in april 2010) I wasn't sure how they would react and they may think bad of me (as i'm from a conservative asian family).
    J is also asian.
    Then in jan 2011 i had to go to friends wedding as i was bridesmaid he made me swear on my dad's life i wouldn't go but i couldn't back out, i had the matching dresses etc. anyway he bombareded my with calls and txts. and then rang my house luickly my dad didnt know who it was and he didnt say anything. he would send texts to my house so the phone rings and the text is read out. I hate him.
    He stopped working and alsways aparently sold drugs on the side. No job and so free time to ruin my life.
    i think in may 2011 we went to london for my birthday to stay at our friends and we went to a club which he came to. my friend said shall we go and get food so we left the otheres there and went to eat. he went crazy and bombareded my calls and then came to pick me up - i made a story saying he's my cousins cousin as my other friend who i was with was from london and had called her bf to pick her up. J came drunk and said it was fault for going off he got drunk and which guys i came to meet etc.
    the next day i met him after meeting my cousin and before i went back to my friends house in london, i cried and he did saying he loves me.
    2012 he calmed down calling me and this contined for 2013. 2013 i had time with friends and had lunch and dinner out. and basically used my facebook with the email and password he set. i still would text and call but usually when he instigated it. 2013 i went on holiday for 2 days and he allowed it but did stres me out wanting to knw everything and why id idnt answer was i with boys. 2014 again reasonable - i could handle it. then he started calling and on 29th Nov i was out for xmas do with my friends at the theatre and i text back saying i am with my family i cant talk and because i didnt answer so he could listen to background he flipped saying you're with guys. then from there to now its been hell. i had a holiday in late december which is he allowed but one day he called 80 times as i was too tired to talk to him, we had been walking all day and i said my friends are in bed and so am i. he goes go out in the hall and i was like im in my Pj's and he goes you got guys in room although i let him listen - he was screaming - bombardin my phone with text couldnt txt back - messgaes full.
    Then the next day i didnt receive any calls after we spoke in the morning where i was begging him to understand. and basiclaly no calls no texts then i left for england that evening and when i got to airport started again. he was txting calling wanting to hear background when i greeted my family on the way home in the car. when i got home i didnt and couldn spend time with my family i had to talk to him - even my dad was asking about me. and then i fell aslp by accident and woke up at 3.30 am and he was still calling non-stop - answered had to go down stairs and explained. he said im not goign to slp - that is what he says a lot that this is his time and i owe him. i comply as he always threathens to call my house. Then the next morning i had to start my new job, all weeek he wouldnt let me slp til 2/3am and talk on way to work, at lunch and on the drive home and when i got home. Now its 3 weeks later he is more or less the same - he wants to spek on skype now. last night he went out and i had gone to bed and he was llike if you don't talkt ot me il call your house - spoke on skype crying - i hate him.
    Today i coudnlt take it said i was going to take my life to get away from him and asked him to leave me alone. he says he would but like always says i will do this to myself and do that. he wil come to my house and tell my dad what i did to him. he left his wife and kids for me (which i knew nothing about or their existance until his wife emailed me pics and even then he denyed it). i told him i am going to ask the police if his behaviour is correct and he goes ur not allowed.
    I dont know what to do.
    how do i get rid of him without my family ever knowing.
    i cnat take it no more
    too many years
    my head hurts
    i cant breathe he makes me need to use the bathroom thinking about him and i wish he out of my life.
    I dont know how to get out of this mess.
    I feel stupid as 30 year old educted woman controlled my this low life of a guy.
    i have only met him twice and once he came outside my house and sat in his car.
    please help me get through his - none of my friends know, i can't talk to my family.

    fez - 27/01/2015

    • Hi Fez

      I am so glad you got in touch. It sounds like you have been experiencing emotional abuse, control and harassment for over 7 years. This must feel unbearable. It is so great that you have reached out for help though as you deserve to be happy and safe and the good news is there are people who can help you.

      Firstly, you are not to blame for this - you did not know he was married and over the years he groomed you to get information and to gradually control you. This is harassment and is against the law.
      If you want to you can report this to the police - they will probably ask for evidence of calls/texts to show a course of conduct but the law states that a course of conduct is 2 or more incidents which you can clearly prove. It is a good idea to keep a log of any interaction you have with him and save any messages especially threats and also how each one made you feel.

      I think it would also be a good idea to give the national stalking helpline a call as they will totally understand this form of abuse and will be able to advise you.
      They are open to take calls Monday to Friday 9:30am – 4pm (except Wednesdays where we open at 1pm.
      0808 802 0300
      You can also email us on

      They can tell you about your options legally and also in terms of keeping safe.

      I am also very concerned that you have thought about ending your life. I understand how you may feel there is no other option but you have coped with this for so long, now you are finally getting help so there is a wonderful future to look forward to, free from abuse.
      If you do feel suicidal though, please contact the samaritans 24 hours a day on 08457 90 90 90

      I know you don't want anyone else to know about this, but it would be good if people around you can support you. You may find that they respond really well and just want to help. At the very least please do contact the helpline as it is really important you get the help you need. You do not have to be controlled by this anymore,

      take care

      This is Abuse team - 27/01/2015

  • Alan


    I'm being abused by my partner and her new partner

    Alan - 26/01/2015

  • hannah


    Im not sure what to do or if i should do anything. Im at highschool and a popular girl is going out with a guy who doesnt go to school, but whenever shes not at school all her friends discuss her relationship. Im not a gossiper but from the sounds of it hes very controlling. I felt bad for her so i asked around and i dont know if some of them are rumours but quite a lot of people know about the relationship. Apparently her boyfriend doesnt let her go to parties unless he is there, she isnt allowed to wear makeup to school (which is true because she stopped wearing makeup and skirts), shes not allowed to wear skirts to school either. Ive only talked to three people about it and one of them is a good friend with her ex and she said that she had to stop drinking from a certain waterbottle because it made her teeth protrude. When i asked all her why doesnt she break up with him she said that their is drugs involved and shes dealing them, basically hes blackmailing her that he will tell her mum if she breaks up with him. Again i dont know if this is true but it could be because when her close friends were talking about it they were saying that when she was about to break up with him he kept saying hes going to text her mum and was threatening her like that.
    I dont know what to do or if its in my place to do anything, she texted her ex saying that she didnt like him talking to a girl so that kind of shows that she must still have feelings for him, but the person i was talking to said that she couldnt talk to someone because she could get arrested for the drugs. I dont know what to do and none of her close friends are doing anything by the sounds of it, she seems fine but who am i to say she isnt scared, help?

    hannah - 26/01/2015

    • Hi Hannah

      It's really good that you and other people at school are looking out for her. It sounds like her boyfriend is being very emotionally abusive and controlling. Things like controlling what she wears, what she does and where she goes are all signs of abuse and not at all ok.

      It's also very concerning that he is making her deal drugs and is using this as another way of controlling her by threatening to tell her mum if she leaves him.

      I know it puts you in a difficult position but people do need to know what is going on. She is in an abusive relationship and being forced to do these things so if the police get involved they will take that into account. The most important thing is her safety.

      Maybe you can talk to someone at school like a teacher? They will know what to do to help her.

      If you want to talk to someone confidentially first you can call childline who talk to people all the time about issues to do with abuse and can talk through the options with you - 0800 11 11
      They also have a live chat option -

      Well done for looking out for her and sticking up for what's right. It can be hard though so get support for yourself as well,
      take care

      This is Abuse team - 07/02/2015

  • Alice


    I went back to this lads house just thinking I was going to go to sleep there. I laid on the other side of the bed facing the opposite way to him. Not long after he put his arm around me I moved it slightly and he did it again so I laid there in despair. I was shocked. then he kept asking me if I was okay, I said yes to make sure he would leave it at that but he didn't, then he kept asking me if I wanted to have sex with him, I said no four or five times and stared into the distance, being a bit scared then he asked again I finally gave in and nodded being scared, as it got to two minutes in I told him I didn't want to anymore, I was so shaken up I didn't know what to do so I turned away. he did kiss me before but I just felt scared. then once I turned away he asked if I was okay again and I said yes, he went to sleep and it took me forever to get to sleep being embarrassed and scared. In the morning I went home acting like I was okay to him but inside I was shaken up and embarrassed, I didn't tell anyone till later on not knowing I was embarrassed, I ended up telling my boyfriend after when I got back together but I was so scared that he wouldn't believe me and in the end I told my friends about it being upset. I don't know what to do? please help ? x

    Alice - 24/01/2015

    • Hi Alice

      Thanks for telling us about this, it's really brave of you. It sounds like what happened was really upsetting for you.
      You made it really clear that you did not want to have sex with him, by repeatedly asking you he was not letting you say no, just because you eventually agreed does not mean you were consenting as you only did so because you were scared.

      Rape is a really traumatic thing to experience. It is good that you told your boyfriend and your friends - how did they react? I hope they were supportive. Is there anyone else you can talk to like a teacher at school/college, or your doctor or someone else you trust?

      You can also contact rape crisis who are a lovely charity who you can talk to confidentially:
      freephone helpline
      0808 802 9999
      12 - 2.30pm
      7 - 9.30pm
      You can also search with your postcode for your local rape crisis centre -

      If you need to access medical support you can go to a sexual assault referral centre where they can look after you and run tests just to be safe (you don't have to report this to the police if you don't want to)

      It's important to talk about this and get help.
      I really hope this helps,
      take care

      This is Abuse team - 07/02/2015

  • M


    Can it be emotional abuse if it is just a friendship? We argue all the time and have done for over a year, I don't have anyone I can talk to about it because I've had to push most of my friends away because they were the cause of loads of arguments, there's a lot of things that I'm not allowed to do and he will get angry when I want to do something that he disagrees with even though it's not his place, he insults my family a lot and me sometimes when we're arguing which means that I've also become this person that I don't like and shout back, he used to get angry over things I might want to wear or once when I wore lipstick, he would always want to see my conversations with other people and since we talk all the time I've stopped all social networking because it caused too many arguments if he saw something he didn't like. I'm not really sure what our friendship is, it doesn't really work well and neither of us are happy but it won't end, he gets very angry sometimes and smashes things or hurts himself when I told him I didn't want to do it anymore, I feel guilty for hurting him and driving him to that point but most of the things he gets angry at I don't think that he should so I get angry back and always end up backing down and apologising because that's easier even though I don't think I did anything particularly wrong. I'm not really sure if it counts as abuse since we aren't in a relationship but I don't know what I can do about it.

    M - 22/01/2015

    • Hi M
      Thank you for your message. The friendship you describe sounds really emotionally abusive. It must be very scary, upsetting and draining for you.

      It is never ok to try to control what someone wears, where they go, who they talk to etc.The way he is behaving is unacceptable and you should not feel guilty as this is not your fault. I understand how upsetting it is for you when you try to tell him you want to end the friendship and he hurts himself, but that is also a form of emotional abuse to make you stay. If he hurts himself it's not your fault or your responsibility.

      I know that he has tried to isolate you from your friends but is there anyone you can talk to? Can you tell your family what has been happening? Or maybe someone at school/college/uni/work? It is really important that other people know what is going on.

      You can call the police if you are scared on 999 and you can also call the free national helpline on 0808 2000 247. Or you can call childline (it's not just for children and they are brilliant and can listen and offer lots of advice and help you tell people if you want them to.)
      0800 1111

      Even though you are not in a relationship you deserve support as abuse is never ok no matter what the relationship.

      I hope this helps,
      take care

      This is Abuse team - 23/01/2015

  • Sandy


    Im not sure what to do - my boyfriend has real bad mood swings and irrational thoughts about me cheating. He has gone too far in the past. Id their help for these people or should I walk away ?

    Sandy - 22/01/2015

    • Hi Sandy

      I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. Mood swings and paranoia are very hard to cope with in a relationship. You say he has gone to far in the past - do you mean that he has also been physically abusive?

      Abusive men can change but they have to want to and they have to accept responsibility for their actions and the impact it has on you. There are programmes that men can go on to help them through this process and for some men they work really well but there are no guarantees.

      Only you can decide if you want to stay in the relationship but the most important thing has to be your safety and welfare.

      Respect have a helpline for abusive people to call to get help but you can also call/email for some advice -
      Call freephone 0808 802 4040 Monday-Friday 9am-5pm or email

      In the meantime here is some info on keeping safe:

      Take care

      This is Abuse team - 23/01/2015

  • L


    I don't really know where to start, I feel stupid or that I'm making a big deal out of nothing... Starting to feel like I bring it on myself. Whenever we argue he threatens me .... Says he'l get me sacked from work and kicked out of uni.... Tells me my life won't be worth living, he threatens my family, he breaks my belongings and calls me a troll and a.slut, he tells me that no1 will ever want me. Whenever he starts this I ask him to leave but he refuses, he managed to get temp acoomodation but he still refuses, last night he smacked me around the head and kicked me in the stomach. I'm not proud of myself but I snapped and went for him because he was breaking all my stuff again. I feel like he try's to control me , he cuts me off for days when we argue and its always me that goes running back, he plays mind games with me and I know I bite every time butbi cant seem to help it... I resent him when he"s here for everything he's said and done but when he's gone I just want him here ... It sounds so stupid I know.... We've argues today and I try stand up for myself and tell him to go, but he starts making me sound like I'm off my head ... But nobody understands what he's like .... All my friends think I should just leave him but its not that easy. He's gone again today so really I should be happy but I'm not.. Just feel confused and alone I don't know what to do anymore...scared of what he will do now if it really is over .he says he will ruin my life .... Again I know this prob sounds so stupid ... Just don't know what to do... Is this my fault sometimes I do think I wind him up I don't know anymore

    L - 21/01/2015

    • Hi L

      I am so glad you got in touch. You are certainly not making a big deal out of nothing. What is happening to you is very serious and I am very concerned about you.

      Your boyfriend is being physically and emotionally abusive and this is never ok and absolutely not your fault.

      I am glad that your friends know what is happening as it's important that people around you know. Can you also tell someone at work and uni (they have a duty to support you)? Or your family?

      I understand how hard it can be to leave someone and that you can still love them despite hating how they treat you, but this is a dangerous situation.
      You can always report the abuse to the police anytime, you can also call the national domestic violence helpline which is free, confidential and open 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247. They can give you advice and support. There are also local services that you can go to - I think this would be a really good idea as they can help you work out what you want to do. You can search for your nearest place here:

      They will be able to support you, give you advice and help you if you decide you do want to leave him. It's hard but you can get through it and will feel so much better - you just need support to get there. They also have support groups where you can meet other people who have also experienced abuse.

      Here are some tips at staying safe while you are in the relationship:

      Please do contact the helpline or a service and also try to tell people what is going on. It can be useful to have a code word to use if you need help so your friends know to call for help. This is very serious but you are not alone. You can also post on here again if you need to,

      I really hope this helps,
      take care

      This is Abuse team - 23/01/2015

  • Xxashleyxx


    Iv been going out with my boyfriend for almost a year now, I'm 18 years old and he's 20. I was really happy with my boyfriend for the first 5 months untill he started deciding who I can and can't see, or speak too. I'm not allowed on facebook anymore because he says I'm going to cheat on him and talk to other lads. He constantly texts and rings me to see what I'm doing and even makes me take pictures off where I am and who I'm with so he knows I'm not lying. He can be violent sometimes and afterwards say he only gets angry because he loves him and doesn't want to loose me, Im really unhappy at the moment I feel like I have nobody to talk too, Iv tried to reach out for help but I'm too scared my boyfriend will find out Iv been looking on this websites and get angry, please can you get back Intouch so I no somebody understands , thank you x x

    Xxashleyxx - 21/01/2015

    • Hi Xxashleyxx

      Thank you for your message, it is really good that you got in touch - I understand how hard that can be, especially if you are worried that he will find out.

      Here is some info about how to cover what you have been looking at online in case he checks your computer:

      The way your boyfriend is behaving is not ok. He is being emotionally abusive and controlling as well as being physically violent and this is a dangerous relationship for you to be in, I am really concerned for you.

      It is never ok to be abusive in anyway and relationships should be based on love and respect, you deserve to be in a loving relationship and I promise you not all guys are like this.

      I hear how unhappy you are, and that is totally understandable. Remember that none of this is your fault.
      There is a lot of help out here though so you don't have to go through this alone.
      You can ring the police on 999 anytime to report this or if you are scared.
      You can also call the national domestic violence helpline - it is confidential. If you are worried about the call showing on your phone you can delete the call history on your phone after the call.
      The helpline number is 0808 2000 247. They can give you help and advice and also tell you about local services, or you can search yourself here:

      I know this might feel overwhelming and scary but there is support here for you and if you want to leave the relationship it is best that other people know and can support you. Can you also try to tell people around you who can help such as friends, family, someone else at uni/college/work or your doctor? They can help keep you safe and maybe you can use their phone to call if you are worried.

      Here is some safety advice:

      Please get the support you deserve, you have been so brave reaching out on here, see this as the first step in your journey to being safe and happy,

      take care and come back here any time if you want to talk more

      This is Abuse team - 23/01/2015

  • Niamh


    At a party a few weeks ago a friend who I used to like and had kissed in the past was acting really flirty with me which I was fine with. At the end of the party I was staying over in my friends room in a single bed and I was drunk. The boy who'd been flirting with me came up to my room and was talking to me. He was staying over downstairs on a sofa. He left the room then came back with a blanket for me and I later found out my friend told him to leave me alone because I was drunk, but he came up anyway. He sat on the bed and we were talking then he lay down. We started to kiss but then he took my hand and got me to touch his penis, when I moved my hand away he soon moved it back. He then pushed me down the bed (not forcefully or violently) to suggest I gave oral sex to him which I did, but I didn't feel very comfortable with it. I didn't say no at all, but I don't think my body language was suggesting I really wanted to do any of it.
    Almost straight after he said he was going back downstairs and left the room. I haven't talked to him since, but I see him around at school which I can't avoid. I find it really difficult to see him. I told my friend what happened and she talked to him about it, but he doesn't see what was wrong with it. I don't really know what this is. I don't feel traumatised but I don't feel happy with it either, I don't really know what to feel.

    Niamh - 20/01/2015

    • Hi Niamh

      It's good that you have been able to talk about what happened, both on here and to your friend. Trying to cope with things like this on your own is really hard.

      It sounds like he really took advantage of the fact that you were drunk. If you are drunk then legally you are not able to consent to sex, regardless of whether you say no or not. Also, you do not have to say no verbally to not consent, body language is just as important and you were clearly not wanting to do what he wanted.

      Forcing someone to perform oral sex is legally classed as rape.
      This can be really traumatic. It's good that you do not feel traumatised, but sometimes these feelings can happen later on and everyone responds in a different way - there is no right or wrong way to feel.

      Is there anyone else you can tell, how would you feel about telling a teacher at school? You can also report him to the police if you want but that is your choice totally.
      Rape crisis are the main charity that support people who have experienced rape and sexual assault. If you want to talk to them confidentially here are their details:
      freephone helpline
      0808 802 9999
      12 - 2.30pm
      7 - 9.30pm
      And you can search by postcode for your local rape crisis centre -

      It must be really hard to see him all the time at school, remember that this was not your fault and it would be a good idea to get some support to cope with it.
      take care

      This is Abuse team - 07/02/2015

  • Nathan


    My friend is seperated and has 2 boys. She has told me that while she was with him he was both physically and verbally abusive. The boys still visit their dad and she has told me that they are often upset after seeing him because of things he has said. He is being emotionally abusive and manipulating to the children. He continues to be verbally agressive with every contact she has with him.
    I have offered support as much as I can but need more advice to pass on to her. I feel that the only way it will stop is to remove all contact with him for her and the boys. She kind of agrees but doesn't know where to start.
    Please help. Thanks

    Nathan - 19/01/2015

    • Hi Nathan

      It is great that your friend has you to support her.

      Unfortunately abuse often continues on contact visits. It can be a way for the abuser to further abuse and control their ex-partner and can be very scary for the children.

      Was contact something they arranged privately or were the courts involved? I think she needs to get some legal advice about her options. There is such a thing as supervised contact where she would not have to see him and someone else such as a social worker would supervise the contact he has. Assessments can also be done to look at what is in the best interests of the children.

      She can contact Rights of Women for free legal advice:

      For women in England and Wales
      Call 020 7251 6577
      Monday 7-9pm, Tuesday 7-9pm, Wednesday 7-9pm, Thursday 7-9pm, Friday 12-2pm
      For women in London
      Call 020 7608 1137
      Monday 11am-1pm, Tuesday 2-4pm, Wednesday 2-4pm

      The Children’s legal centre can also offer advice:
      0808 802 0008 - from 8am to 8pm, Monday to Friday

      And this is the national association of child contact centres:

      There are also some really good leaflets here about contact, domestic violence and keeping children safe:

      The safety and well-being of your friend and her children is the most important thing and it is important she gets support and lets people know about the past abuse and the current abuse during contact so that they get the support they need.

      take care

      This is Abuse team - 20/01/2015

  • Charlotte


    I think I'm being emotionally abused

    Charlotte - 19/01/2015

    • Hi Charlotte
      I am really sorry to hear this. Emotional abuse is very serious.
      There is a checklist here that may help you identify what is happening:

      There are lots of ways that someone can emotionally abuse us, some common ones are:

      Checking your phone/social networks
      Controlling where you go and who you see
      Telling you what to wear
      Criticising or putting you down
      Threatening us or people close to you
      Checking up on you all the time

      One researcher described it like this:
      'The perpetrator creates a world in which the victim is constantly monitored and criticised; every move is checked against an unpredictable, ever-changing, unknowable ‘rule-book’.

      If this is happening to you, it is important to get help. Can you tell people around you what is going on?
      You can always call the police and you can contact the national domestic violence helpline anytime on 0808 2000 247 for help and advice.

      Let us know if you need any more info or support,
      take care

      This is Abuse team - 20/01/2015

  • T


    I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now, at first things were good between us now it feels like things are going from bad to worse. We are always having arguments about the most ridiculous things, he accuses me of cheating on him, when in fact I recently found out that he had cheated on me. When we argue he calls me names, insults my family and makes me feel worthless. I feel like I am spending my life trying to please him and do nice things for him however nothing is ever good enough for him and he makes that known. He constantly makes me feel bad and calls me selfish for wanting to better myself by doing a university degree and the fact that I'm working to save up for that. He complains that I put my job,family and friends before him, when the truth is I rarely see friends and hardly ever do anything with family as I am always staying with him. If I ever go out and see friends or family I feel as though I have to lie about it as it will only cause an argument. As its obvious he doesn't like me spending time with anyone else but him and his family. I feel as though everything is on his terms and that its okay for him to see family,friends and to try and better himself with work but its not okay in his eyes for me. He also makes me feel bad about having sex before being in a relationship with him, when he wasn't a virgin when we got together either and has a child from a previous relationship. I love him but I am tired of being made to feel worthless and being called names, when I am with him I feel like I can't be myself, he considers me talking to other guys flirting, he thinks I flirt with people at work and he thinks I flirt with people by text so I am scared to get my phone out around him even though I know I am not doing anything, I constantly try to reassure him that I'm not doing anything wrong but he just wont believe me. Not quite sure what to do anymore and I don't feel like I can talk to anyone, as they would just tell me to get rid and judge me.

    T - 16/01/2015

    • Hi T

      It sounds like your boyfriend is being emotionally abusive and controlling. It is not ok for him to accuse you of things, call you names, make you feel worthless and control who you see and talk to. None of these things should be happening in a relationship.

      You say things have been getting worse over the last few months, unfortunately it is unlikely to get better unless he accepts responsibility for his behaviour and wants to change. You deserve to be in a respectful, trusting and happy relationship.

      I think it is brilliant that you are working to save to go to Uni - you should be proud of that and it shows you have a brilliant future to look forward to. In this current situation, how would it be if you were to go to Uni, it would be awful for that amazing experience to be ruined because he was controlling what you do.

      Only you can decide what to do and if you want to leave him, but I am concerned about you. I know you are worried about telling people and what they will say, but they may surprise you. It can really help to talk and to have people knowing what is going on as it can keep you safe if you need help.

      If you do decide to leave him, it is important to do so safely and having other people know what you are planning can help. It would be best not to tell him in person, or at least not on your own. You may also have to think about changing your phone number/online passwords etc and plan what to do if you see him out.
      Here are some tips:

      I really hope this helps,
      take care

      This is Abuse team - 27/01/2015

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