This is ABUSE

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Results: 45 - 60 of 2276

  • Catherine

    01/03/2015

    I know that there is a problem with my current relationship and it centres around alcohol and abusive behaviour from my boyfriend. I have only recently come to terms with the fact that I think this is emotional abuse but as I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about it I am in two minds, and making excuses for my boyfriends behaviour. We met two years ago and have been in a committed relationship for a year. When we first realised that there was mutual attraction between us, I was in a long distance relationship with someone else who did not care for me at all. So I split from him and made a partnership with my current boyfriend. When he came along he was kind, generous and gave me lots of attention ( things that I didn't have in previous relationship)
    In less than a month of us being together his eldest sister died, his youngest died nine months previous (she was an alcoholic)to this so there has been a lot of heartache for him and his family. I stuck by him and helped him with the loss of his sister the best I could, I was working abroad and had a very stressful job at the time but would answer his calls day or night to show him support and commitment to our relationship. He returned to work ( abroad also) but started drinking heavily and not turning up for work. Result being he got the sack thus becoming homeless as where he was living was accounted in his wage. He stayed with me short term but as I was also in shared accommodation my boss, who was very understanding and supportive let him stay for three weeks until he found a place of his own. A friend of mine had an apartment which she rented out to us so that he could stay in the area and so we did not have to split. He drank continuously for two months straight, sleeping all day and keeping me awake at night by trying to have sex with me and then accusing me of getting it elsewhere because I was uninterested. Resulting in me being very emotional and tired at work and constantly worrying that I would find him in a state. The apartment was to be let out in high season so after the two months, I quit my job and we went to volunteer over the summer. Things were good again at first, then the drinking snook back into the equation and then arguments would start. We took another job a few months later together and this was when he really let me down with the alcohol and the way he was treating me. He again refused to get up for work and spent all day drinking and sleeping again, waking me up at night to argue with me so that most days I would turn up for work with only having a few hours sleep. Again he got the sack and as we had no where to go we had to fly back home. Promises of going to the doctor for anti depressants and only drinking at the weekend were made so again, I stuck by him to help him through it, hoping that once better, we could move abroad again and continue travelling. Since being home things have got worse, we live 120 miles apart, we alternate weekend visits to each other and we are both currently unemployed but have been offered a job which starts in a month. There have been numerous occasions where he will not get out of bed, drinks, verbally abuses me and keeps me awake at night then expects things to be normal again next day. He has embarrassed me by not turning up to family events because he wants to stay in bed and I am at my wits end worrying about the summer we may have together if I don't end the relationship. He has spat at me, called names, mocks my appearance, insults my family, stolen alcohol from my mum which I have paid for and bought back, grabs me by the arm and my throat, slapped me and has even accused me of sleeping with my own brother in one of his drunken states! My self esteem is so low, I know I need to end this, I am at his parents house now, he kept me awake last night and is bed all day today. His mum, dad and I have all tried to get him up but he won't. I do not drink around him anymore because I thought that it was adding fuel to the fire as I thought that I might be becoming more argumentative but after last night I can honestly say, he could start an argument with himself. Please help. C

    Catherine - 01/03/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Catherine,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like there are a lot of different forms of abuse taking place in your relationship.

      Firstly, I think it is really important to highlight that nobody can make your partner change his behavior. He has to choose to do this himself. He will need professional help to address his behaviour, he will need to access help around his drinking through an alcohol service and his violence through a violence prevention programme.

      If he decides that he doesn't want to address these issues then you need to take some time to think about what you would like to happen.

      His behavior is completely unacceptable, it is never ok to use violence or abuse against another person, and his alcohol use is not to blame for this. He has not used violence against other people whilst drunk which shows that he has got some kind of control over it.

      It must be really hard for you, I can imagine you really want to leave the relationship but feel trapped because of the difficult circumstances around him. I think it would be really helpful for you to access some help. Have you thought about contacting your local domestic violence service? Nobody is going to make you leave your partner, but they will be able to work with you to stay as safe as possible.

      You can find your nearest service by contacting the national helpline on 0808 20000 247. You will also find them on google. They may also be able to be able to offer you some counseling to address your experiences.

      It sounds like this person has had a huge impact on your life and it will take some time to address this, but you've clearly come to a point where you are considering changing your situation.

      I really hope you access some help.

      Good luck,
      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 17/03/2015

  • Anon

    28/02/2015

    I went out for drinks with some people. I don't drink very much so by the end of the night, I definitely had too much to drink. We all went back to this woman's house and she decided we should play truth or dare, her dare for me was for me to kiss her. Being very drunk I did it (I'm a woman and straight), then soon after my other colleagues left, and she wanted to put a DVD I told her I needed to get home but she said I should give her a kiss then I could go, so I did, but she somehow ended up on top of me and she was pinning my hands down. I passed out a couple of times and told her to stop but she wouldn't. I don't remember a lot of it, all I know is I kept saying no, but she wouldn't stop. It's all I can think about, I feel like I am constantly shaking all the time.

    Anon - 28/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi,

      Thanks for getting in touch, it sounds like you had a very scary experience. I can see why it has left you shaken.

      Nobody has the right to force themselves on another, it sounds like she took advantage because you were under the influence and the law is very clear that it is never acceptable to attempt sexual acts on person who is too drunk to be able to give consent. It sounds like this is what was happening in your case.

      Have you tried talking to anybody about what happened? You might benefit from accessing some counseling around your experience. You could try talking to your GP to access support, alternatively you might want to contact Rape Crisis for specialist support. Their number is 0808 802 9999.

      You could also think about reporting this to the police. What this woman did was breaking the law, there would be a lot of support put in place for you if you were to go through the court process to make sure you felt safe and supported by professionals.

      None of this is your fault, you trusted the people around you not to take advantage of you and they did.

      I really hope you access some help.

      Take care,
      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 16/03/2015

  • Amy

    26/02/2015

    I'm 19 years old and for the past couple of years I have been suffering very extreme verbal abuse from my family especially my mum. She constantly tells me that I'm a horrible person and that i'm lazy and selfish. She always demands that I do jobs around the house and then yells at me about how I never help her and she always apparently does all this stuff for me. I do help her though sometimes but I can't be there doing her jobs all day like she appears to insist as I have other things that I have to do with my time. Aka finding a job so that I can get out of here. The abuse is getting worse and worse and I don't know what to do. Everyone sides with my mum. My boyfriend has even witnessed her throwing this abuse at me. I know I'm not over reacting. My brother has even sexually harasses me constantly and has attacked me before bruising my ribcage and making it difficult to breathe for weeks and she sided with him and chose to do nothing about it. I want this all to stop. I know I don't deserve this and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Abuse by the people you love is one of the most painful and depressing things ever. I am in tears right now writing this and I have just had enough. I need to get away from this place and these people it is constant and never ending. Someone please help me because I don't know what to do anymore. There must be someone that can help. I don't know how much longer I can go on living like this. PLEASE HELP ME!

    Amy - 26/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Amy,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like you're having a really tough time at home. I think it would be really helpful for you to talk a little bit more around what has been happening so that a professional could get a better understanding about what is happening.

      Nobody should live in fear in their own home, it is meant to be a safe place. Have you thought about presenting as homeless at your local council housing office on the grounds of domestic abuse? They may be able to assist you in moving out.

      You are welcome to talk to us on our live chat service, it runs on the website Tuesday and Wednesday at 6pm-7pm. Alternatively you could call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Your brother should not be doing anything to hurt you, and you have the right to call the police if he does.

      I really hope you get some advice as I think it's important to explore this a bit more.

      This is Abuse team - 15/03/2015

  • xoxo

    26/02/2015

    I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 16 we have been in a relationship for just under a year due, we met through my dad and his mum forming a relationship and hit it off as I lived further away he said we wont be able to carry on the relationship as it was long distance so we decided I would move up to them, at the start he seemed sweet, funny and caring although I just came out of a relationship when I met him so I was a bit dubious and a month or so in I was thinking of splitting up we briefly talked about it and he was threatening to harm himself because I was the best thing that happened to him. I decided to stay I fell in love and then moved a few months later. Then one day I tried to wake him up he got angry and hit me, he said it was in his sleep and he's sorry so I forgave him. since then there has been occasions where he has grabbed me by the neck and thrown me down stopped me from walking out of the room to avoid him, pressed a pillow to my face he has held lighters to me but I never feel he would do it and he has held a knife up to his neck when I wanted to walk out he has also kicked me and hit me in the tummy and hit me in the head. When I have tried to leave before he has thrown my stuff around said I cant have any of my things he will burn them all. this doesn't happen all the time only when he gets angry with me he says it will stop which it has but sometimes when he angry a bit is still there not as much but I get scared. I don't know what to make of this situation as I can still be myself around him and i'm not scared of him when he isn't angry and sometimes when he hits I don't feel scared until he goes further and he doesn't control me and reading everyone else I feel I am being silly about the situation, I really don't know what to do??

    xoxo - 26/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi,

      Thanks for sharing your experiences. It sounds like it has been really scary for you. Some of his behaviors seem really dangerous.

      Have you talked to anybody else about what has been happening? Grabbing you round the throat is really concerning. I think the biggest worry for me is that the incidents that are taking place are getting worse and worse, and when we see escalation like this we have to consider what the violent person may do next. One worry might be that he squeezes your throat and you pass out.

      Most of the time we see people threatening to self harm as a method of control, to stop you leaving him, or to stop you telling parents or even the police. You are not responsible for his behavior, all you can control is your actions, and at the moment you need to be thinking about keeping yourself as safe as possible.

      His behavior is breaking the law, it is illegal to harm another, and it sounds like he is causing you physical harm on a regular basis.

      There are lots of services available for you, you might want to speak with your local domestic abuse service, they may be listed at www.womensaid.org.uk, but you should also be able to find them on Google. They may offer you an Independent Domestic Violence Advisor who will work with you to stay as safe as possible. Alternatively, they also have a national helpline if you wanted to talk this through over the phone, their number is 0808 2000 247.

      I would encourage you to call the Police if you are in danger, like I said his behavior is wrong and is breaking the law. You might want to talk to people close to you, friends or family members who can also keep an eye out for you.

      I really hope you access some help, nobody deserves to be treated like this. This is not a healthy relationship.

      This is Abuse team - 15/03/2015

  • Regan

    26/02/2015

    Hi, I'm 14 and I think my boyfriend is controlling me. Me and my best friend "violet" got in to this massive fight with are other friends and we got/are still being bullied. Tuesday 24th one of the girls started saying that my "violet" had cheat on he ex bf. So as you'd expect me and my "violet" had ago at her as we walked off she said something else and my "violet" just lost it and was screaming at her I turned around to bring my "violet" away from her. But as I turned my boyfriend grabbed my bag and tugged me back towards him and gave me this look as if to say "leave her, let's just go!" I said I'm going to "violet" I got free and went over to her and we left. The 3 of us did and we went to have lunch. My boyfriend also pushes me up against stuff like walls and doors, he will grab my wrists/ or arms and push me up agains them. If I say something snarky he'd grab my wrists/ or arms and say in my ear "what did u say?" I'd reply fast with "nothing". I am getting quite scared now at first I thought he was messing around with pushing me up against the wall and when he'd talk in my ear i thought it was quite cute, you know the sweet and innocent type of pushing me up against the wall and talking in my ear. He's asks me like twice after school everyday what I'm doing, and who I'm talking too and on the weekends he asks me like 3-5 times a day, and I thought nothing of it I thought he just cared about me a lot. But after that day when he grabbed my bag and gave me a look I thought over all he's done and I started getting scared. "Violet" hates my boyfriend, he told me to ask and when I did she replied that she just really don't like him.
    I haven't used my friends real identity so I gave her a fake name, I don't want people knowing about her (if you understand that).
    So please I would really like you're advice on this 'coz I'm getting really scared.
    Thanks.

    Regan - 26/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Regan,

      Thanks for coming for forward to talk about this.

      It is never ok for someone to hurt another, your boyfriend should not be grabbing you or pushing you. His behaviour is completely unacceptable. It is your choice whether you decide to stay in the relationship, but it doesn't sound like your boyfriend is going to change his behavior any time soon.

      Take a look at this website and see if there are other behaviors on the list that you are worried about http://www.refuge.org.uk/what-we-do/campaigns/early-warning-signs/.

      If you are scared of him I would recommend telling an adult you trust, maybe a parent, a teacher or maybe 'Violets' parent.

      You should not feel that you have to stay in a relationship with someone that hurts you. If you want to talk about this more you can contact Childline on 0800 1111.

      This is Abuse team - 15/03/2015

  • Also anon

    24/02/2015

    I have been married 33 years and just realised, thanks to a poster I saw that I am in an abusive relationship. I often wondered why women don't leave violent abusive relationships. The stock answer is " because I love him". This has always left me bewildered. But I can now understand. I still love my wife. But whilst there is no physical abuse or violence, she controls our joint finances, belittles me constantly, my political views and my dress sense are fair game to her. She never let me visit my family and doesn't like me being in communication with my parents or sibling.i know the choice is mine but I can't leave her. Surely things must improve.

    Also anon - 24/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi,

      Thanks for getting in touch. There are a whole host of reasons why victims of abuse do not leave their partners, sometimes it is because they love them, they hope they will change, their partner promises it will never happen again, but also because their may be other controlling factors linked to emotional or financial abuse.

      Domestic abuse takes many forms, and belittling is very common. It might be helpful for you to contact the Men's Advice Line to talk through what has been happening for you. Their website is www.mensadviceline.org.uk and they have some really helpful resources for men experiencing abuse. They also run a helpline Monday to Friday, 9am-5pm and their number is 0808 801 0327.

      If you have any more questions then please come back to us.

      Best wishes

      This is Abuse team - 10/03/2015

  • Bethan

    24/02/2015

    I am 19 years old and 4 years ago ish I got into a relationship with someone for 2 years. A month or so in it started. Pushed, Kicked, Punched and slapped. This lasted 2 years and nobody knew but him and me. We eventually split and I was free and then a good few months later I fell into a relationship with someone else. 1 week into the relationship it started and it lasted for 4 months. He lived far and drove and I didnt drive so he'd come to me to visit but when he did we were NOT allowed to stay with my family (so much so my little brother got so sad he thought i didnt love him any more because I was never around) we would go to a clear space where he would nag and nag and try to make me "commit" to him in a way I really didnt want to (he didnt succeed at that though) we would also go to his home but if his family was around he would yell at them to leave the room. It HAD to be just US. He would lash out at no reason or if I said no to sex. Nobody knew and we eventually split but since then I have fallen for someone else I have known a long time and who is very very loving and caring and we have been together nearly 7 months. But... since my split with the 4 month guy we have had messages off numrious fake facebooks, emails, their actual facebooks, annonymous texting sites etc saying bad things like my throad will be slit etc - these have been off both partners. I have been to the police 4 times (the last time was today because I was pushed down the stairs earlier in college) but there's "not enough evidence" and "nothing they can do" apparently - even though we have loads and loads of screenshots of every single message near enough we have been sent they cant be bothered to look. I am so so scared and my life is a mess and I really do not know what to do. Even IPCC dont give a damn !!!!!!

    Bethan - 24/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Bethan,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like a really scary situation to be in. I am glad that you are out of the abusive relationships but it is worrying that the abuse is still ongoing.

      There are a few options for you, you could contact your local domestic abuse service who might be able to offer you some support through a case worker or Independent Domestic Violence Advocate who can work with you to ensure that you are as safe as possible. Alternatively you can contact the National Stalking Helpline, their details are;

      http://www.stalkinghelpline.org/
      They are open to take calls Monday to Friday 9:30am – 4pm (except Wednesdays where they open at 1pm.)
      0808 802 0300

      II'm sorry that you have had a bad experience with the Police, I think getting some additional support from professionals might be helpful for you and if they think the Police judgement is unfair they will assist you in challenging it.

      Best of luck!

      This is Abuse team - 10/03/2015

  • Leticia

    23/02/2015

    My boyfriend keeps asking for nudes n vids of me *** myself when I say no he says he'll leave me we got into a Fight just now n he tried to rape me n hit now what do I do

    Leticia - 23/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Leticia

      I am so sorry to hear about this. It is not ok to force someone to send images or videos and to threaten them if they don't do it. And of course rape and physical abuse are very wrong and you must have been really scared.

      Does anyone know what has been happening? Can you talk to anyone? You can always talk to a teacher or someone else you trust and you can tell the police.

      These sites have some really helpful info about what to do if someone wants you to send images or videos that you don't want to.
      http://www.childline.org.uk/explore/onlinesafety/pages/sexting.aspx
      https://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/

      Relationships should be based on respect and trust and you should never be made to do anything you don't want to do. But you don't have to cope with this alone, there is lots of support for you,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 09/03/2015

  • Anonymous

    21/02/2015

    Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and 4 months. We met in college, he was really nice, used to buy me things and we went out for meals all the time! He treated me so nice. He looked after his self and took pride is his appearance. Then all of a sudden he stopped going the gym and he changed. When I got upset, he didn't comfort me, he just said it was my fault, he pushed me over in the bed and threw cushions at me:( i igore it cause it was just one off. We went out for a drink and then he got angry with me and strangled me and I couldn't breath and I was on the grass, and he pinned me down by my neck and I had a bruise after so I hid it with foundation and a scarf. We had an argument a few months after and I said you hurt me before cause I was scared and he did the same thing to my neck up the kitchen wall, and I try and leave him but he won't leave me alone and he drags me back in the house. He chucks my stuff down the stairs and tells me leave and I really want to leave and then I pushed me over and tells me I can't go out. He blocks me off from moving around the house and then he strangled me again last night and just picks at me all the time. He isn't caring and he's so nasty now. I actually hate him but if I try and leave he will turn up at my work place or my house.

    Anonymous - 21/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi

      I am so sorry to hear about the abuse you are going through. This is very serious and I am really glad you got in touch.

      I am very concerned about your safety, strangulation is a very serious assault and it must be so scary.

      I hear that you want to leave the relationship but are scared and worried he will come after you. But there are people who can help you.

      You say you work, that is good as it means you have time away from here where you can access help. Can you tell anyone there about what is happening so you have support? You can also call the police to report this, and you can apply for an injunction to keep him away from you.
      To get free and confidential legal advice you can call 'rights of women' who specialise in domestic violence:
      http://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/
      For women in England and Wales
      Call 020 7251 6577
      Monday 7-9pm, Tuesday 7-9pm, Wednesday 7-9pm, Thursday 7-9pm, Friday 12-2pm
      For women in London
      Call 020 7608 1137
      Monday 11am-1pm, Tuesday 2-4pm, Wednesday 2-4pm

      You can also call the national domestic violence helpline anytime as they are open 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247. They can give you support and advice and tell you about local services . You can also search for a local service here with your postcode: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/azrefuges.asp?section=00010001000800060002&itemTitle=A-Z+of+services

      Here is some safety advice as well: http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/

      Please try to tell people what is happening. This is not your fault and you will be able to leave, but it has to be done safely and with support. Call the police any time and try to contact the helplines I have given you.
      We also have a live chat here on tues and weds evenings between 6-7 if you want more advice.

      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 09/03/2015

  • anonymous

    21/02/2015

    i was with a guy who was emotionally abusive.there was once when i consented to sex but then i withdrew consent during sex by saying please stop loudly but he continued anyway.later,after the sex ended he asked 'u ok' without looking at me.i stupidly replied 'im ok' as i was just shocked and scared eventhough i clearly withdrew consent during sex.i felt violated.but we never spoke about it.i guess i just brushed it off stupidly.we are not in touch anymore but i feel horrible whenever i think about it.i wanna know is this considered rape?

    anonymous - 21/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi

      Thanks for your message. I am sorry to hear about what happened.
      If you tell someone to stop at any point then they must respect that and to carry on is rape.
      I know that may be hard to hear but there is help for you if you want to get more support.

      Here is some info about rape and consent: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assault/consent

      And this is the rape crisis site that has more helpful info and support:
      http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/

      What he did was absolutely wrong and it is normal to be affected by this for a long time afterwards and it's important to talk about this and get the help you need and deserve.

      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 09/03/2015

  • Anonymous

    19/02/2015

    Im 19 and my boyfriend is 21, we have been together for 3 years and i feel he is controlling me. When we first got together he was amazing it was like i was in heaven but then things went downhill he began calling me names threaten me controlling me who i talk to he had to see my phone know my passcode to my phone check my contacts and needed to know what i was doing all the time. We have split up 4 times because of this and he blames it all on me. We have now split up hopfully for the last time however he keeps threatening for £500 for his laptop that broke at mine but when my mum offered him it when she had the money he said no dont worry, he even demand it on the day of my nanas funeral. He wants to be friends but is still controlling about what i do he says if hes not allowed in my house or he sees me with my friend he dont like then hes going to go to my mums and smash her face in my mum and dad hate him for what he did to me when my nana died (day she died he left me and moved a druggy in) and make my life hell im scared to go out and stay at home i feel depressed and not interested in anything anymore wich isnt like me at all i cry all the time and didnt go back to college for him. He says i used him when i didnt he calls me a liar a cheat and puts me down constantly i carnt tell my parents as they are too worked up over my younger sister as she is very ill and i dont want to give them anymore stress. Please help me what do i do? I just get the feeling to overdoese on my meds and be gone from all this hell :'( .

    Anonymous - 19/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi
      I am really glad you got in touch. It sounds like things have been really difficult for you in lots of ways and you have a lot to cope with at the moment.

      It is never ok to check someones phone, control who you see or make threats about what they will do. This is emotional abuse and is very serious.

      I am really glad you are no longer with him but understand that the abuse is still going on and is really affecting you, especially with losing your nan and your sister being ill. I am so sorry that this is happening to you.

      None of this is your fault. It is really common for abusive people to blame the person they are abusing, but he is the only person responsible.

      Does anyone know what has been happening? Can you talk to your friends? Is there anyway you can go back to college? Maybe you can explain to a tutor your reasons for not going back and that you were in an abusive relationship? I am sure they will be supportive.

      Can you block him on your phone and online?
      you can also call the police if you are scared of if He makes threats. It can be a good idea to keep a diary of anything he does or says as that can be used as evidence.

      I am very concerned that you mentioned taking an overdose. I understand how upset and scared you feel, but you are not alone and there is so much to live for, even though it may not feel like it now.

      If you feel like ending your life, please contact this lovely organisation who specialise in helping young people who feel like this. You can call, email or text them and they have good advice on their website too.
      https://www.papyrus-uk.org/
      Call: 0800 068 41 41 - Mon-Fri: 10am-10pm, weekends & bank holidays: 2pm-5pm
      Email: pat@papyrus-uk.org
      SMS: 07786 209697

      If you think some counselling would help, you can ask your doctor to refer you.

      This site has some good tips on keeping safe:
      http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/

      Things will get better, and this is the start of that happening. Well done for reaching out for help, now you can get the support you need and deserve.
      take care
      Jo
      ps - we have a live chat on tues and weds evenings from 6-7 here if you want to chat more.

      This is Abuse team - 09/03/2015

  • Sarah

    19/02/2015

    When I was younger I was sexually abused by my cousin who used to touch me inappropriately. I never told anyone about it and have to see him on a regular basis as he's a family member. The thing is I'm now scared to lose my virginity because everytime I get close to a guy, all I can think about is how he used to act with me. I've ended up breaking up with the last two boyfriends ive had because I didn't want to get intimate with them but didn't feel it was fair to 'drag them along' as such :/

    Sarah - 19/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Sarah

      I am so sorry to hear about what you have been through. Sexual abuse is a hugely traumatic thing to go through, especially as a child and from someone you still have to see.

      It is normal for sexual abuse to affect you still years later and for that to impact on your relationships. But, there is a lot of help out here and it does not have to define who you are now, and your future relationships.

      Here are some brilliant organisations that you can contact for support and advice:
      This one is for people who were abused in childhood:
      http://napac.org.uk/
      0808 801 0331
      lines are open 10am till 9pm Monday to Thursday, 10am till 6pm on Friday
      support@napac.org.uk

      and rape crisis also work with people who were sexually abused as children:
      http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
      freephone helpline
      0808 802 9999
      12 - 2.30pm
      7 - 9.30pm
      You can search for your local rape crisis centre here - http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/centres.php

      You can speak to both these organisations confidentially - they also have good info and support on their websites.

      It may also be a good idea to think about telling people what happened, they can advise you on that too.

      I really hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 09/03/2015

  • Unknown

    18/02/2015

    My brother is in a domestic abuse relationship with his girlfriend.
    She has cut him off from his family and I'm at a lost cause of how to help him.
    She is very violent to him giving him broken nose, ribs and the list goes on. (All of what I know or have seen)
    They have a baby together and it's even harder now for us to help him.

    Please help,
    I'm worried what she might do to him.

    Thank you.

    Unknown - 18/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi

      I am not surprised that you are so worried about your brother. It sounds like a very concerning and serious situation. It's good that you know what is happening though as that will help him.

      You can report this to the police at anytime and they will have a duty to investigate. You can also call the helpline for male victims of domestic violence, if your brother doesn't want to call you can do so on his behalf.
      Here are their details:
      http://www.mensadviceline.org.uk/mens_advice.php.html
      Monday - Friday 9am-5pm on freephone
      0808 801 0327
      Email: info@mensadviceline.org.uk

      It is also concerning that they now have a child as domestic violence can have serious impacts on children, even if they are not harmed physically.

      Please try to contact the helpline as they really will be able to help - they also have some great advice on their website.

      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 04/03/2015

  • Kam

    18/02/2015

    Hi i have been in a relationship for almost three years and my girl friend is breaking up with me for no reason i have tried to apologise in every way possible i have never been rude or never threatened her and never will because i hoestly love her but she is not agreeing and telling me not to text her or call her she doesnt want to be with me anymore. How do i proceed as i really dont want to loose her and i dont want her to feel harrased.

    Kam - 18/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Kam

      I am really sorry to hear that your GF wants to end the relationship. I know how painful that must be. However, it is up to her if she no longer wants to be in the relationship and no matter how hard it is, you must respect that.

      I think it is best if you stop contacting her and give her the space she needs. It's great that you are aware that you don't want to harass her, so not contacting her is a good idea.

      I know you want to change her mind, or get some answers as to why she is ending the relationship, but she is obviously not ready to give you this. In time, with space, she may be ready to talk things through but right now you need to back off I think.

      It will also be good for you to have that time to heal and adjust.
      Take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 02/03/2015

  • Polly

    13/02/2015

    My friend told me that a man makes him go round there and rapes him. He says they will beat him up if he doesn't. He won't tell anyone. What shall I do?

    Polly - 13/02/2015

    Reply
    • I've had that same experience, the one you describe, with my partner.

      He was raped repeatedly for months by a man. He was even trafficked and was made to have sex with other people without contest. He never told anyone expect me and is very scared of him. There was eve threats of violence and actual violence. The man exploited the fact that he has mental health issues and that he is a loner and was serverly bullied. I did report to the police but the man giving him the drugs and money and thearts made him not follow it up.

      If it is the same victim and abuser as I suspect then it would be very concerning. I have seen this man with children in my school and children younger than me. He has even made thearts of rape to me and him to my partner.

      If I was you I would start to call the NSPCC to report this and the police. It is also a good idea to ask more about the rape before you call to get more information. I would ask them the "who, what, how, when" type questions and avoid using the word "why" as it may feel invasive. I would also vist the Samaritans website as they have very good advice on how to question people. The rape crisis website does have very good information there and are very supportive when you call them and it helps with the whole emotional ordeal with the rape. Refuge/womens aid is also very good and they will give you the number to call their local centres which in turn puts you through the council's domestic abuse officer, who normally deals with these things.

      I would also start safety planning for yourself and your friend. On this website there is advice on who to be safe. Also Ask The Police website has very good information on being safe and stalking. I would be very vigilant for the rapeist especially with your friend as it may end in an unpleasant experience or just end up with more stalking, harassment, indmtiadtion. This is just based off personal experience.

      Before you report to anyone about this and get some help for you friend, it is best to write what your friend said about it. It can be after the conversation or later in the day. Just remember to be very detailed and exact as you can. If your friend as sent the information electronically then make screen shots of it and save it and put them onto a document. Do remember to keep the information in a safe place and do make copies.

      You can get support for your friend with women's aid, rape crisis, victim support, broken rainbow and survivors trust if your friend gives their consent to it. Also Get Contected is a great way to find support groups in your local area and they will even be with you when you go call the group.

      I hope that all the experiances I faced is useful to you.

      An undisclosed name - 05/03/2015

    • Hi Polly

      This is really serious. It's good that your friend is telling you about it,but you need to involve adults who can intervene and keep your friend safe.

      Can you tell anyone like family or someone at school/college?
      You can also ring the police anytime and they have a duty to investigate. You can also call the local social services department as if your friend is under 18 this is also child abuse. You can search for them online by searching for the name of the area you live in and 'social services'.

      It's really important that you tell people who can help, and it's also a huge thing for you to try to cope with on your own so you also need support.

      Well done for being a great friend and coming on here to get advice,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 02/03/2015

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