This is ABUSE

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Results: 45 - 60 of 2281

  • Anonymous

    09/03/2015

    I'm unsure if I'm in an abusive relationship. My partner has many issues of his own and is very vulnerable and has low self esteem due to his upbringing. He puts me on this pedistole and makes me feel like the most special, loved person. But when he gets angry or feels low he puts me down by calling me a slut or ugly. It's almost like he's arguing with himself because I know he says those things because he feels like I'm too good for him. He also smokes weed which makes things worse. I'm a strong opinionated woman and I try to listen when hes upset or angry about stuff (to do with work family or friends) but if I dear to go against him or loose my temper because I'm only human and say I'm sick of him complaining he goes crazy. I think people take his kindness for weakness and he's really soft to other people (who take him for granted) but when it comes to arguing with me he becomes scary and aggressive. All his anger for other people gets taken out on me. I moved in with him a few months ago and we had an argument the other day. He told me to leave and threatened to hit me. Although he's a big guy I stood up to him because I felt like backing down would make me a victim and I had to let know I refused to be threatened and bullied. He said he would slap me if I didn't do as he asked so I emptied a wicket basket full of stuff on the floor and threw it at him. I know that makes me wrong. He then threw a aerosol deodorant can at me and it hit me in the face. My face swelled up so much we thought my jaw was broken. Now he says sorry but says actions have a reaction and because he's a guy that's why he's in the wrong. He says he didn't mean to hurt me but to throw it that hard I think he did. Or he doesn't have control. I don't know if we can get past this? If I had been calm it wouldn't of happened. Is there any salvaging our rekationship or is it just going to get worse...?

    Anonymous - 09/03/2015

    Reply
    • Hi,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like you're having a really tough time. Your partner's behaviour is completely unacceptable. He is choosing to take out his anger on you, this suggests that he has control over it. If he had no control he would take it out on the people making him angry rather than storing it up for when he gets home.

      Smoking cannabis does not justify his behaviour. A lot of people smoke cannabis and are not violent or abusive to his partner. However, if he feels this is contributing to his behaviour then he needs to stop smoking it, or at least get some help to stop smoking it.

      All of these are his choices. He has to decide to address what he is doing.

      It is never ok to use violence, and I understand that you acted out of frustration. This is often called violent resistance, but this can increase your risk of getting injured, which was highlighted by your partner's actions.

      If you had a daughter and she told you her partner was behaving this way what advice would you give her?

      It sounds like it might be best for you to take some time apart to remove yourself from a dangerous situation and see if your partner is willing to access some help.

      Have you thought about accessing help? You could access your local domestic abuse service who can support you, your experiences must have been emotionally draining and they will be able to work with you to address this. You can google them or contact the national helpline on 0808 2000 247 to find out who your nearest support service is.

      I really hope you access some help.

      Take care,
      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 18/03/2015

  • Kita

    08/03/2015

    Hi, I have just managed to leave an abusive relationship which lasted around 2 years, I was in love with the guy and excused all his abusive behaviors and i would feel sorry for him because i knew he had mental problems. I tried to be there for him all the time and nothing seemed to cut it for him. He was violent at times with me and woul make me feel so worthless. I want to be happy i want to move on, but i feel im having a very hard time moving on despite being put through so much pain. I dont know what to do

    Kita - 08/03/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Kita
      Thanks for your message.
      I am sure lots of people will relate to what you have said.
      It is really common for people who are being abused to make excuses for the abuse, as it hurts so much to think someone you love is choosing to hurt you.

      Unfortunately, having mental health issues is not an excuse for being abusive. You did nothing wrong and I am really glad you are no longer in that relationship.

      But, even if someone is abusive, it can be hard to move on and it can take a long time to cope with the realisation of what happened.

      Some people liken this time to a period of grief. You are mourning for what you hoped the relationship could be, the person you fell in love with as well as your self-esteem and confidence.But the final stage of grief is all about moving forwards and adjusting to a new world without the abuse and the person who abused you. Now is the time to build up your-self esteem and to plan your happy and safe future. It may take a while but you have already started that journey and have so much to look forward to.

      This may be a good time to reach out to friends and family for support, or to access counselling via your GP. You can also search for local domestic violence support services here:
      http://www.womensaid.org.uk/azrefuges.asp?section=00010001000800060002&itemTitle=A-Z+of+services


      This handbook may help also as it has info about what to do at this stage, after leaving the relationship:
      http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=0001000100080001

      I really hope this helps,
      take care

      This is Abuse team - 09/03/2015

  • Unknown

    06/03/2015

    I think I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship, my boyfriend calls me names every time I annoy him I think he hates me which hurts cause I love him but Im scared because he gets more and more violent his slaps are harder he pushes and pokes and pinches me harder when I say something he doesn't like he pulls my hair and gets in my face I don't know what to do I feel so lonely but when hes being nice hes such a gentlemen and so lovely and he listens to me and helps me but hes more angry than nice nowadays but I love him and I'd have no one without him I really feel lost

    Unknown - 06/03/2015

    Reply
    • Hi,

      Thanks for getting in contact. It sounds like you are having a really tough time. I'm glad you've come forward to access some help.

      Your partner grabbing you by the hair is physically abusive, but I think it is more important to think about whether you are scared of your partner. By the sounds of it, you are scared. It must be scary when he gets up in your face.

      I think it's really important that you talk with someone around what it hopping. Maybe start with the national helpline on 0808 2000 247. They may also be able to link you in with some local support.

      Have you tried talking to any of your friends or family about what has been happening? I t would be really helpful for you to use these as support. If you don't have these networks then linking in with some professional support would be really helpful for you.

      You should never feel stuck in a relationship where you feel scared of your partner. If you are living with him at the moment then these services might be able to assist you in finding somewhere to stay.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 17/03/2015

  • Mandy

    03/03/2015

    I have been in contact with my ex after 20 years. He left me for another woman. I remarried but divorced with 3 kids from 2nd husband. I always loved my 1st Husband so it was easy to tell him how I felt about him. I always kept in touch with his family. They loved me and I did them. He only texted me when he wanted. He said he would like to give a go but I had to lose weight as he was fussy. I complied easily because I felt I could re-create my married life of the past with him. He never called me by phone. Said he wasn't ready, wouldn't meet up until I was certain size. He would flirt text and mostly talk about sex. He made impulsive dates to his place but then cancel next day. He adamantly told me I was not allowed to tell his family we were texting. And it would be over if they found out. I went along with this. He said he wouldn't marry me because his two previous marriages ended -he was cheated on twice. He said I had to close my facebook acc and not allowed to work as that's how problems started in his other marriages. In January his access case for his daughter failed. His court case was adjourned for another 3 months. He texted me and said how is the Gym going? And how much weight I had lost? I told him I had been ill and that the weather was bad so I hadn't been gym for month. He was bit angry and said he knew I couldn't do it and dismissed my reasons as excuses. I told him he was cruel and rude. He then apologised next day. Few days ago I called his niece who am. Close to. I discussed our situation , she said am not having that, he is leading you on and not playing fair. His Niece called him and explained that he is doing wrong and that he should play with someone's emotions like this. The next day I received a blunt text saying it was over and that it was my fault because I told his family member about us when he strictly told me not too. I am devastated as I built up my hopes and fell n love with him. He was never interested in my life or my kids. Not even asked how my day went. Was this the beginning of an abusive controlling relationship. Will I hear from him again? He blocked me on wattsap as I kept pleading to be heard .

    Mandy - 03/03/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Mandy,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like your ex-partner has been leading you on. His behavior seems unacceptable. Hi love seems conditional, he will only love you if you behave a certain way and look a certain way. All his demands have involved you changing. It doesn't seem like a fair, balanced, healthy relationship.

      I would also be concerned that he only wants to speak to you when it suits him, it seems that he has all the control in the relationship. It sounds like he may have behaved this way in his previous relationships. Do you know why he doesn't have custody of his children?

      I think it would be helpful for you to talk through what is happening. Why don't you try giving the national helpline a call, their number is 0808 2000 247. They will be able to explore this a little bit more with you.

      Best wishes,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 17/03/2015

  • Anonymous

    01/03/2015

    i'm in a relationship with one man and two personas, one i feel is my soul mate;loving supportive kind and gentle. The other is the complete opposite, he snaps over tiny things such as me talking to my friends or family for no reason at all. When he changes he says the most personal cruel insults to me he can think of that he knows will truly hurt me. He gets physical but in a 'playful way' such as tickling me continuously and hard so it hurts, or throwing things that 'he never ment to hit me' (usually my phone) or squeezing/poking me. eventually i completely break down and cry which usually snaps him out of it. He then becomes totally ashamed, apologetic and upset. his good side is truly wonderful, but he has been so hurtful now so many times even at his best i am waiting for the bad. He threatens suicide if i want to go back to my mums house, which i have finally done, but the problem is far from resolved.

    Anonymous - 01/03/2015

    Reply
    • Hi,

      Thanks for getting in touch. Your partner's behavior isn't uncommon, something that you might want to explore is the cycle of abuse. It highlights that after times of being abusive some partners go through a 'honeymoon' phase, also known as the 'flowers and chocolates' phase where they appear very kind and loving and make up for their abusive behaviour.

      No matter how kind, generous and loving he is it does not make up for someone using violence or abuse at other points in their relationship.

      If your partner wants to address their behavior they can access a behavioral change programme through the Respect Helpline. My biggest concern is that you access some support. It would be really helpful for you to access some support through your local domestic abuse service. They would be able to help you understand your partner's behaviour and the impact it is having on you. You can find out a little bit more by contacting the national helpline on 0808 2000 247. They will be able to talk you a little bit more around what is happening for you.

      Good luck,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 17/03/2015

  • Catherine

    01/03/2015

    I know that there is a problem with my current relationship and it centres around alcohol and abusive behaviour from my boyfriend. I have only recently come to terms with the fact that I think this is emotional abuse but as I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about it I am in two minds, and making excuses for my boyfriends behaviour. We met two years ago and have been in a committed relationship for a year. When we first realised that there was mutual attraction between us, I was in a long distance relationship with someone else who did not care for me at all. So I split from him and made a partnership with my current boyfriend. When he came along he was kind, generous and gave me lots of attention ( things that I didn't have in previous relationship)
    In less than a month of us being together his eldest sister died, his youngest died nine months previous (she was an alcoholic)to this so there has been a lot of heartache for him and his family. I stuck by him and helped him with the loss of his sister the best I could, I was working abroad and had a very stressful job at the time but would answer his calls day or night to show him support and commitment to our relationship. He returned to work ( abroad also) but started drinking heavily and not turning up for work. Result being he got the sack thus becoming homeless as where he was living was accounted in his wage. He stayed with me short term but as I was also in shared accommodation my boss, who was very understanding and supportive let him stay for three weeks until he found a place of his own. A friend of mine had an apartment which she rented out to us so that he could stay in the area and so we did not have to split. He drank continuously for two months straight, sleeping all day and keeping me awake at night by trying to have sex with me and then accusing me of getting it elsewhere because I was uninterested. Resulting in me being very emotional and tired at work and constantly worrying that I would find him in a state. The apartment was to be let out in high season so after the two months, I quit my job and we went to volunteer over the summer. Things were good again at first, then the drinking snook back into the equation and then arguments would start. We took another job a few months later together and this was when he really let me down with the alcohol and the way he was treating me. He again refused to get up for work and spent all day drinking and sleeping again, waking me up at night to argue with me so that most days I would turn up for work with only having a few hours sleep. Again he got the sack and as we had no where to go we had to fly back home. Promises of going to the doctor for anti depressants and only drinking at the weekend were made so again, I stuck by him to help him through it, hoping that once better, we could move abroad again and continue travelling. Since being home things have got worse, we live 120 miles apart, we alternate weekend visits to each other and we are both currently unemployed but have been offered a job which starts in a month. There have been numerous occasions where he will not get out of bed, drinks, verbally abuses me and keeps me awake at night then expects things to be normal again next day. He has embarrassed me by not turning up to family events because he wants to stay in bed and I am at my wits end worrying about the summer we may have together if I don't end the relationship. He has spat at me, called names, mocks my appearance, insults my family, stolen alcohol from my mum which I have paid for and bought back, grabs me by the arm and my throat, slapped me and has even accused me of sleeping with my own brother in one of his drunken states! My self esteem is so low, I know I need to end this, I am at his parents house now, he kept me awake last night and is bed all day today. His mum, dad and I have all tried to get him up but he won't. I do not drink around him anymore because I thought that it was adding fuel to the fire as I thought that I might be becoming more argumentative but after last night I can honestly say, he could start an argument with himself. Please help. C

    Catherine - 01/03/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Catherine,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like there are a lot of different forms of abuse taking place in your relationship.

      Firstly, I think it is really important to highlight that nobody can make your partner change his behavior. He has to choose to do this himself. He will need professional help to address his behaviour, he will need to access help around his drinking through an alcohol service and his violence through a violence prevention programme.

      If he decides that he doesn't want to address these issues then you need to take some time to think about what you would like to happen.

      His behavior is completely unacceptable, it is never ok to use violence or abuse against another person, and his alcohol use is not to blame for this. He has not used violence against other people whilst drunk which shows that he has got some kind of control over it.

      It must be really hard for you, I can imagine you really want to leave the relationship but feel trapped because of the difficult circumstances around him. I think it would be really helpful for you to access some help. Have you thought about contacting your local domestic violence service? Nobody is going to make you leave your partner, but they will be able to work with you to stay as safe as possible.

      You can find your nearest service by contacting the national helpline on 0808 20000 247. You will also find them on google. They may also be able to be able to offer you some counseling to address your experiences.

      It sounds like this person has had a huge impact on your life and it will take some time to address this, but you've clearly come to a point where you are considering changing your situation.

      I really hope you access some help.

      Good luck,
      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 17/03/2015

  • Anon

    28/02/2015

    I went out for drinks with some people. I don't drink very much so by the end of the night, I definitely had too much to drink. We all went back to this woman's house and she decided we should play truth or dare, her dare for me was for me to kiss her. Being very drunk I did it (I'm a woman and straight), then soon after my other colleagues left, and she wanted to put a DVD I told her I needed to get home but she said I should give her a kiss then I could go, so I did, but she somehow ended up on top of me and she was pinning my hands down. I passed out a couple of times and told her to stop but she wouldn't. I don't remember a lot of it, all I know is I kept saying no, but she wouldn't stop. It's all I can think about, I feel like I am constantly shaking all the time.

    Anon - 28/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi,

      Thanks for getting in touch, it sounds like you had a very scary experience. I can see why it has left you shaken.

      Nobody has the right to force themselves on another, it sounds like she took advantage because you were under the influence and the law is very clear that it is never acceptable to attempt sexual acts on person who is too drunk to be able to give consent. It sounds like this is what was happening in your case.

      Have you tried talking to anybody about what happened? You might benefit from accessing some counseling around your experience. You could try talking to your GP to access support, alternatively you might want to contact Rape Crisis for specialist support. Their number is 0808 802 9999.

      You could also think about reporting this to the police. What this woman did was breaking the law, there would be a lot of support put in place for you if you were to go through the court process to make sure you felt safe and supported by professionals.

      None of this is your fault, you trusted the people around you not to take advantage of you and they did.

      I really hope you access some help.

      Take care,
      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 16/03/2015

  • Amy

    26/02/2015

    I'm 19 years old and for the past couple of years I have been suffering very extreme verbal abuse from my family especially my mum. She constantly tells me that I'm a horrible person and that i'm lazy and selfish. She always demands that I do jobs around the house and then yells at me about how I never help her and she always apparently does all this stuff for me. I do help her though sometimes but I can't be there doing her jobs all day like she appears to insist as I have other things that I have to do with my time. Aka finding a job so that I can get out of here. The abuse is getting worse and worse and I don't know what to do. Everyone sides with my mum. My boyfriend has even witnessed her throwing this abuse at me. I know I'm not over reacting. My brother has even sexually harasses me constantly and has attacked me before bruising my ribcage and making it difficult to breathe for weeks and she sided with him and chose to do nothing about it. I want this all to stop. I know I don't deserve this and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Abuse by the people you love is one of the most painful and depressing things ever. I am in tears right now writing this and I have just had enough. I need to get away from this place and these people it is constant and never ending. Someone please help me because I don't know what to do anymore. There must be someone that can help. I don't know how much longer I can go on living like this. PLEASE HELP ME!

    Amy - 26/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Amy,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like you're having a really tough time at home. I think it would be really helpful for you to talk a little bit more around what has been happening so that a professional could get a better understanding about what is happening.

      Nobody should live in fear in their own home, it is meant to be a safe place. Have you thought about presenting as homeless at your local council housing office on the grounds of domestic abuse? They may be able to assist you in moving out.

      You are welcome to talk to us on our live chat service, it runs on the website Tuesday and Wednesday at 6pm-7pm. Alternatively you could call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Your brother should not be doing anything to hurt you, and you have the right to call the police if he does.

      I really hope you get some advice as I think it's important to explore this a bit more.

      This is Abuse team - 15/03/2015

  • xoxo

    26/02/2015

    I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 16 we have been in a relationship for just under a year due, we met through my dad and his mum forming a relationship and hit it off as I lived further away he said we wont be able to carry on the relationship as it was long distance so we decided I would move up to them, at the start he seemed sweet, funny and caring although I just came out of a relationship when I met him so I was a bit dubious and a month or so in I was thinking of splitting up we briefly talked about it and he was threatening to harm himself because I was the best thing that happened to him. I decided to stay I fell in love and then moved a few months later. Then one day I tried to wake him up he got angry and hit me, he said it was in his sleep and he's sorry so I forgave him. since then there has been occasions where he has grabbed me by the neck and thrown me down stopped me from walking out of the room to avoid him, pressed a pillow to my face he has held lighters to me but I never feel he would do it and he has held a knife up to his neck when I wanted to walk out he has also kicked me and hit me in the tummy and hit me in the head. When I have tried to leave before he has thrown my stuff around said I cant have any of my things he will burn them all. this doesn't happen all the time only when he gets angry with me he says it will stop which it has but sometimes when he angry a bit is still there not as much but I get scared. I don't know what to make of this situation as I can still be myself around him and i'm not scared of him when he isn't angry and sometimes when he hits I don't feel scared until he goes further and he doesn't control me and reading everyone else I feel I am being silly about the situation, I really don't know what to do??

    xoxo - 26/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi,

      Thanks for sharing your experiences. It sounds like it has been really scary for you. Some of his behaviors seem really dangerous.

      Have you talked to anybody else about what has been happening? Grabbing you round the throat is really concerning. I think the biggest worry for me is that the incidents that are taking place are getting worse and worse, and when we see escalation like this we have to consider what the violent person may do next. One worry might be that he squeezes your throat and you pass out.

      Most of the time we see people threatening to self harm as a method of control, to stop you leaving him, or to stop you telling parents or even the police. You are not responsible for his behavior, all you can control is your actions, and at the moment you need to be thinking about keeping yourself as safe as possible.

      His behavior is breaking the law, it is illegal to harm another, and it sounds like he is causing you physical harm on a regular basis.

      There are lots of services available for you, you might want to speak with your local domestic abuse service, they may be listed at www.womensaid.org.uk, but you should also be able to find them on Google. They may offer you an Independent Domestic Violence Advisor who will work with you to stay as safe as possible. Alternatively, they also have a national helpline if you wanted to talk this through over the phone, their number is 0808 2000 247.

      I would encourage you to call the Police if you are in danger, like I said his behavior is wrong and is breaking the law. You might want to talk to people close to you, friends or family members who can also keep an eye out for you.

      I really hope you access some help, nobody deserves to be treated like this. This is not a healthy relationship.

      This is Abuse team - 15/03/2015

  • Regan

    26/02/2015

    Hi, I'm 14 and I think my boyfriend is controlling me. Me and my best friend "violet" got in to this massive fight with are other friends and we got/are still being bullied. Tuesday 24th one of the girls started saying that my "violet" had cheat on he ex bf. So as you'd expect me and my "violet" had ago at her as we walked off she said something else and my "violet" just lost it and was screaming at her I turned around to bring my "violet" away from her. But as I turned my boyfriend grabbed my bag and tugged me back towards him and gave me this look as if to say "leave her, let's just go!" I said I'm going to "violet" I got free and went over to her and we left. The 3 of us did and we went to have lunch. My boyfriend also pushes me up against stuff like walls and doors, he will grab my wrists/ or arms and push me up agains them. If I say something snarky he'd grab my wrists/ or arms and say in my ear "what did u say?" I'd reply fast with "nothing". I am getting quite scared now at first I thought he was messing around with pushing me up against the wall and when he'd talk in my ear i thought it was quite cute, you know the sweet and innocent type of pushing me up against the wall and talking in my ear. He's asks me like twice after school everyday what I'm doing, and who I'm talking too and on the weekends he asks me like 3-5 times a day, and I thought nothing of it I thought he just cared about me a lot. But after that day when he grabbed my bag and gave me a look I thought over all he's done and I started getting scared. "Violet" hates my boyfriend, he told me to ask and when I did she replied that she just really don't like him.
    I haven't used my friends real identity so I gave her a fake name, I don't want people knowing about her (if you understand that).
    So please I would really like you're advice on this 'coz I'm getting really scared.
    Thanks.

    Regan - 26/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Regan,

      Thanks for coming for forward to talk about this.

      It is never ok for someone to hurt another, your boyfriend should not be grabbing you or pushing you. His behaviour is completely unacceptable. It is your choice whether you decide to stay in the relationship, but it doesn't sound like your boyfriend is going to change his behavior any time soon.

      Take a look at this website and see if there are other behaviors on the list that you are worried about http://www.refuge.org.uk/what-we-do/campaigns/early-warning-signs/.

      If you are scared of him I would recommend telling an adult you trust, maybe a parent, a teacher or maybe 'Violets' parent.

      You should not feel that you have to stay in a relationship with someone that hurts you. If you want to talk about this more you can contact Childline on 0800 1111.

      This is Abuse team - 15/03/2015

  • Also anon

    24/02/2015

    I have been married 33 years and just realised, thanks to a poster I saw that I am in an abusive relationship. I often wondered why women don't leave violent abusive relationships. The stock answer is " because I love him". This has always left me bewildered. But I can now understand. I still love my wife. But whilst there is no physical abuse or violence, she controls our joint finances, belittles me constantly, my political views and my dress sense are fair game to her. She never let me visit my family and doesn't like me being in communication with my parents or sibling.i know the choice is mine but I can't leave her. Surely things must improve.

    Also anon - 24/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi,

      Thanks for getting in touch. There are a whole host of reasons why victims of abuse do not leave their partners, sometimes it is because they love them, they hope they will change, their partner promises it will never happen again, but also because their may be other controlling factors linked to emotional or financial abuse.

      Domestic abuse takes many forms, and belittling is very common. It might be helpful for you to contact the Men's Advice Line to talk through what has been happening for you. Their website is www.mensadviceline.org.uk and they have some really helpful resources for men experiencing abuse. They also run a helpline Monday to Friday, 9am-5pm and their number is 0808 801 0327.

      If you have any more questions then please come back to us.

      Best wishes

      This is Abuse team - 10/03/2015

  • Bethan

    24/02/2015

    I am 19 years old and 4 years ago ish I got into a relationship with someone for 2 years. A month or so in it started. Pushed, Kicked, Punched and slapped. This lasted 2 years and nobody knew but him and me. We eventually split and I was free and then a good few months later I fell into a relationship with someone else. 1 week into the relationship it started and it lasted for 4 months. He lived far and drove and I didnt drive so he'd come to me to visit but when he did we were NOT allowed to stay with my family (so much so my little brother got so sad he thought i didnt love him any more because I was never around) we would go to a clear space where he would nag and nag and try to make me "commit" to him in a way I really didnt want to (he didnt succeed at that though) we would also go to his home but if his family was around he would yell at them to leave the room. It HAD to be just US. He would lash out at no reason or if I said no to sex. Nobody knew and we eventually split but since then I have fallen for someone else I have known a long time and who is very very loving and caring and we have been together nearly 7 months. But... since my split with the 4 month guy we have had messages off numrious fake facebooks, emails, their actual facebooks, annonymous texting sites etc saying bad things like my throad will be slit etc - these have been off both partners. I have been to the police 4 times (the last time was today because I was pushed down the stairs earlier in college) but there's "not enough evidence" and "nothing they can do" apparently - even though we have loads and loads of screenshots of every single message near enough we have been sent they cant be bothered to look. I am so so scared and my life is a mess and I really do not know what to do. Even IPCC dont give a damn !!!!!!

    Bethan - 24/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Bethan,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like a really scary situation to be in. I am glad that you are out of the abusive relationships but it is worrying that the abuse is still ongoing.

      There are a few options for you, you could contact your local domestic abuse service who might be able to offer you some support through a case worker or Independent Domestic Violence Advocate who can work with you to ensure that you are as safe as possible. Alternatively you can contact the National Stalking Helpline, their details are;

      http://www.stalkinghelpline.org/
      They are open to take calls Monday to Friday 9:30am – 4pm (except Wednesdays where they open at 1pm.)
      0808 802 0300

      II'm sorry that you have had a bad experience with the Police, I think getting some additional support from professionals might be helpful for you and if they think the Police judgement is unfair they will assist you in challenging it.

      Best of luck!

      This is Abuse team - 10/03/2015

  • Leticia

    23/02/2015

    My boyfriend keeps asking for nudes n vids of me *** myself when I say no he says he'll leave me we got into a Fight just now n he tried to rape me n hit now what do I do

    Leticia - 23/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Leticia

      I am so sorry to hear about this. It is not ok to force someone to send images or videos and to threaten them if they don't do it. And of course rape and physical abuse are very wrong and you must have been really scared.

      Does anyone know what has been happening? Can you talk to anyone? You can always talk to a teacher or someone else you trust and you can tell the police.

      These sites have some really helpful info about what to do if someone wants you to send images or videos that you don't want to.
      http://www.childline.org.uk/explore/onlinesafety/pages/sexting.aspx
      https://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/

      Relationships should be based on respect and trust and you should never be made to do anything you don't want to do. But you don't have to cope with this alone, there is lots of support for you,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 09/03/2015

  • Anonymous

    21/02/2015

    Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and 4 months. We met in college, he was really nice, used to buy me things and we went out for meals all the time! He treated me so nice. He looked after his self and took pride is his appearance. Then all of a sudden he stopped going the gym and he changed. When I got upset, he didn't comfort me, he just said it was my fault, he pushed me over in the bed and threw cushions at me:( i igore it cause it was just one off. We went out for a drink and then he got angry with me and strangled me and I couldn't breath and I was on the grass, and he pinned me down by my neck and I had a bruise after so I hid it with foundation and a scarf. We had an argument a few months after and I said you hurt me before cause I was scared and he did the same thing to my neck up the kitchen wall, and I try and leave him but he won't leave me alone and he drags me back in the house. He chucks my stuff down the stairs and tells me leave and I really want to leave and then I pushed me over and tells me I can't go out. He blocks me off from moving around the house and then he strangled me again last night and just picks at me all the time. He isn't caring and he's so nasty now. I actually hate him but if I try and leave he will turn up at my work place or my house.

    Anonymous - 21/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi

      I am so sorry to hear about the abuse you are going through. This is very serious and I am really glad you got in touch.

      I am very concerned about your safety, strangulation is a very serious assault and it must be so scary.

      I hear that you want to leave the relationship but are scared and worried he will come after you. But there are people who can help you.

      You say you work, that is good as it means you have time away from here where you can access help. Can you tell anyone there about what is happening so you have support? You can also call the police to report this, and you can apply for an injunction to keep him away from you.
      To get free and confidential legal advice you can call 'rights of women' who specialise in domestic violence:
      http://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/
      For women in England and Wales
      Call 020 7251 6577
      Monday 7-9pm, Tuesday 7-9pm, Wednesday 7-9pm, Thursday 7-9pm, Friday 12-2pm
      For women in London
      Call 020 7608 1137
      Monday 11am-1pm, Tuesday 2-4pm, Wednesday 2-4pm

      You can also call the national domestic violence helpline anytime as they are open 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247. They can give you support and advice and tell you about local services . You can also search for a local service here with your postcode: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/azrefuges.asp?section=00010001000800060002&itemTitle=A-Z+of+services

      Here is some safety advice as well: http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/

      Please try to tell people what is happening. This is not your fault and you will be able to leave, but it has to be done safely and with support. Call the police any time and try to contact the helplines I have given you.
      We also have a live chat here on tues and weds evenings between 6-7 if you want more advice.

      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 09/03/2015

  • anonymous

    21/02/2015

    i was with a guy who was emotionally abusive.there was once when i consented to sex but then i withdrew consent during sex by saying please stop loudly but he continued anyway.later,after the sex ended he asked 'u ok' without looking at me.i stupidly replied 'im ok' as i was just shocked and scared eventhough i clearly withdrew consent during sex.i felt violated.but we never spoke about it.i guess i just brushed it off stupidly.we are not in touch anymore but i feel horrible whenever i think about it.i wanna know is this considered rape?

    anonymous - 21/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi

      Thanks for your message. I am sorry to hear about what happened.
      If you tell someone to stop at any point then they must respect that and to carry on is rape.
      I know that may be hard to hear but there is help for you if you want to get more support.

      Here is some info about rape and consent: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assault/consent

      And this is the rape crisis site that has more helpful info and support:
      http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/

      What he did was absolutely wrong and it is normal to be affected by this for a long time afterwards and it's important to talk about this and get the help you need and deserve.

      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 09/03/2015

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