HAVE YOUR SAY
Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships
If you've got something you'd like to talk about regarding any kind of relationship abuse, come and Have Your Say on our message board.
The chances are you'll be able to talk with someone who's gone through similar experiences to your own.
Seen the ads? What do you think?
-
Is controlling who a partner sees or speaks to abuse?
-
-
-
-
Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.
-
Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.
-
Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?
-
Is bullying, controlling and putting a partner down abuse?
-
Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you've got something to say about abuse in relationships then you'll need to accept our terms before you can take part - please see our rules on the right side of the page. You can then enter your comments below or under any video you want to talk about.
Natalie
11/04/2013
hi, I think my best friend is in a mentally abusive relationship. Her boyfriend hates her spending time with her friends and doesn't let her go to partys anymore. He always chooses what they do and has threatened to commit suicide if she breaks up with him. She has lost a lot of friends because of him, and he always tries to buy her love with really expensive presents. He has a very bad temper and is absolutely horrible to all of her friends. I don't know whether to tell her he's not normal as he is also very jealous and possesive over her and she can't even change her bbm picture to a picture without him in it too. I am very worried but don't want to upset her yet i feel that she has no one else to talk to about him.
Natalie - 11/04/2013
ReplyHi Natalie,
Thanks very much for posting on the site.
If you think you have spotted some of the warning signs of abuse in your friend’s relationship - from what you're described, unfortunately you're right it does sound like your friend's boyfriend is being very controlling which can be a sign of emotional abuse - she may need professional help and your encouragement and support to help to stop it, especially if he's blackmailing her too. For more information on the signs, visit this page of the website - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/spot-the-signs. You should recognise some from what you've told us already.
You ought to let your friend know you are worried about her, let her know that the way her boyfriend is treating her is not right. Also tell her that the abuse is not her fault, it’s unacceptable and support is available.
When you do talk to her, try to make her feel at ease as it takes courage to admit abuse. Encourage her to talk to a trusted adult, and if her boyfriend has been violent or has forced her to have sex, encourage her to talk to the police.
You shouldn’t confront her boyfriend on your own and neither should your friend. If she decides to leave the relationship, it’s very important she does so safely. More information and advice can be found here - http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/59-difficult-to-leave.html. She can also call Refuge on 0808 2000 247 for further support.
If your friend wants to speak to someone in confidence about what she's suffering please encourage her to contact the 24 hour, National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247, or if she's under 18, she can speak to ChildLine on 0800 11 11 or visit www.childline.org.uk where she can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
The same goes for you if you want support and further guidance on how to manage the situation, the services detailed above will also be able to support you.
lauraa
11/04/2013
hello, I was in a relationship with a boy last year..we was together for about a year. he cheated on me a couple of times but I always took him back (I know I shouldn't of) I am only 15 btw and he was 16. he always kept asking me if I was ready for sex with him (I was a virgin at the time) he asked me like everyday, but I would always say no, or try and change the subject. but he kept asking, saying "if you loved me you would" so eventally I just gave up and said yes. (biggest mistake of my life, but I didn't feel like I had any other choice) after I did it with him, everything changed. the hole relationship was baced on sex. yes I know some of you will think, why didn't I just leave him? I couldn't..because before I had sex with him, because I kept saying no he kept asking me for 'pictures' so I had to send then him.. again he would just keep saying 'if you loved me you would' he used these against me for the hole relationship. if I didn't want to do something, if I wanted to end us, if I wanted to wear the clothes I wanted to wear, be with my friends, have my hair up, wear make up, talk to my mum about things, he would say he was going to show people the pictures, but them all over facebook, twitter, bbm..it was hard but I went though it because I couldn't see another way out..it got to the point where I self harmed everyday for months because it took the pain away..i wrote sucicde letters..because I juist couldn't see what else would help me out of this mess.. I used to cry about it a lot.. and whenever I did. he would just get really really angery..he'd hit things at first..like walls, notice boards..lockers at school..it was hard but I got though that..one day I got really upset about it all, he went and hit the wall behind my head. I was terrified..i lived in fear of my boyfriend for months. but I still didn't tell anyone, I was too scared of what he would do, he had total and utter control over me, he used to threaten me with other things too, like if I finished him he'd kill himself and people would blame it on me..! I was only 14 at the time and believed every word he said..but one day at the end of last year, i'd had enough..i just couldn't take it anymore, I thought to myself 'things cant get any worse, he can put the pictures all over school, but that's better than living like this' I sucked up to him for one last day, that night I said I didn't think it was working anymore, he went of his head as you can imagine..i then called him and said it was over..he said 'you do know i'll probally send these pictures to everyone in school now?' I said 'like I said, its over' and hung up. it was hard for the next month, I couldn't cope very well and the self harming got worse..i started to get my friends back, but the control was still there. I still hadn't told anyone what happened. until his friends shouted "nice pictures lauraa!!!!" down the corridor.. one of my friends then got me to tell a teacher..the thing is..i have a new boyfriuend now, and hes the only one who knows everything..but he's starting to want to do sexual things with me, which I can understand. I want to do it aswell. but i'm finding it hard to let him...like I can still see my exs face over me..i just need some help? was I really abused? I cant face the fact..or are relationships really meant to be like that? and how can I make sexual acts better for me and my new boyfriend?x x x
lauraa - 11/04/2013
ReplyHi Lauraa,
What you went through was horrific, we are truly sorry to hear how you suffered. It's good you had the courage to leave your abusive relationship. Yes your ex subjected you to emotional abuse, and if he was getting violent, it could have led to physical abuse too. Signs of emotional abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.
You really need to talk to someone about what happened in your relationship, about the abuse, your self-harming and how it's affecting your current relationship. Please understand that abuse is wrong, it's not normal, and no one should tolerate it. It can easily damage your confidence and your self-worth. No one should ever put you under pressure to have sex when you don't want to; sex under 16 is illegal anyway and your current boyfriend should be aware of this.
Please find someone you trust to talk to about your experiences - it could be a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. Help and support is out there. You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
liz
10/04/2013
these videos are so similar to my relationship i had with my ex boyfriend. i was with him for 4 and half years from a very young age (15-19 years). i loved him so much and didnt recognise the abuse, i always thought abuse was physical. it really isn't, i didnt realise how depressed i became being in a relationship like that and how it demoralises you as a person. his temper was foul, he was jealous and made me feel small and i was always in the wrong. i am unbelievably happy now and am back to being myself. so please anyone who is in a relationship that is abusive have a really serious think about it, i kno you might love them but at the end of the day it is really NOT worth it.
liz - 10/04/2013
Replyglw
10/04/2013
For a few months, i was really close with this guy, he came round my house and we would just chill and watch tv, but one day he turned and tried to kiss me, i would say no but he grabbed me. Over time things would get worse and i would end up being helpless. I still see him around because of people we hang out with, but i am scared of him, should i give up my friends to never see him, or should i just forget it?
glw - 10/04/2013
ReplyHi glw,
Thanks for getting in touch.
If this guy was forcing or pressuring you into having sex or taking part in sexual activity that you didn't feel comfortable with, that is totally unacceptable. Please understand that what he did was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.
We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to about what you went through and your current worries. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge). If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
Elisa
10/04/2013
Hello, I was in a relationship for three years the first six months was fine then my boyfriend now my ex, would start to ask questions or look through my phone then he stopped me seeing my friends and family then his temper was really bad he would go to punch me but always miss and hit the wall he always shouts and we always argued he would always force me to do stuff he was just a horrible guy. Now my best friend has been in a relationship for few months she met over BBM and he's forcing her to stop seeing her friends he controls her tells her who to see who not to talk to and she is meeting him on her own and I'm kinda scared he might do something.
Elisa - 10/04/2013
ReplyHi Elisa,
Thanks for your post.
It's good you left your abusive relationship and we hope you did that safely. Your ex was subjecting you to emotional abuse, which can lead to physical abuse, and he was starting to get violent. Have you spoken to someone about what you went through? If not we would encourage you to do so, abuse can easily damage your confidence and self-worth.
Your friend's boyfriend is also exhibiting signs of emotional abuse, signs of which can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do. She might need professional help and your encouragement and support to help to stop it.
Tell your friend you are worried about her and let them know that the abuse is not their fault, it’s unacceptable and support is available. It can be useful to think up a code word she can use on the phone to let you know she needs help? When you try to talk to her, try to make her feel at ease and encourage her to talk to a trusted adult. You shouldn’t confront her boyfriend on your own and neither should your friend. If she decides to leave the relationship, it’s important she does so safely - more information and advice can be found here - http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/59-difficult-to-leave.html, and she can also call Refuge on 0808 2000 247 for further support.
We urge both of you to speak to someone in confidence about your experiences - you can contact the 24 hour, National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 or if you're under 18, speak to ChildLine on 0800 11 11 or visit www.childline.org.uk where they can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Olivia
10/04/2013
I agree that in any circumstance at all abuse is wrong. However I am disappointed in how you approach it. All your adverts are about men being abusive towards woman. Have you completely disregarded the fact that women can abuse men just as badly as a male can abusive a woman? Men can also get raped by women - as 'impossible' as it sounds. I have a friend who was in an abusive relationship with a women. Please, do not disregard the fact that women are equally as abusive as males. Good day.
Olivia - 10/04/2013
ReplyHi Olivia,
Thanks for sharing your view.
We are very aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse and both males and females can be abusers, however in abusive relationships the statistics show that it is usually the male in the relationship that is the abuser, and the female the victim, so it is important for the campaign to reflect that. The objective for this campaign is to help both boys and girls spot the signs of abuse in relationships and raise awareness of what is and isn't acceptable behaviour, messages that are relevant to both boys and girls whether they are victims or abusers.
Women can be convicted of sexual assault - the law says that rape can only be committed by a man as for the offence to be committed there must be intentional penetration of the mouth, vagina or anus of another person with a penis. Both sexual assault and rape are serious crimes.
KD
10/04/2013
I have a friend who recently came out of an 18 month long relationship, and immediately got another boyfriend. She is telling us that her ex abused her and forced her into doing sexual things, but at the time she acted like any happily consenting person would. I'm not sure if she is exaggerating the truth to justify how quickly she moved on or if she's telling the truth. If it's true I want to be there for her but I'm not sure if I believe her. What can I do?
KD - 10/04/2013
ReplyHi KD,
Thanks for posting on the site.
For more information on the signs of abuse, visit this page of the website - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/spot-the-signs. Assume your friend is telling the truth, she may well need professional help and your encouragement and support to help overcome what happened to her.
Abuse can damage confidence and self-worth so tell your friend you are worried about her, let her know the abuse wasn't her fault, it was unacceptable the way her boyfriend treated her, and she can get support. When you try to talk to her, try and make her feel at ease as it does take courage to admit abuse. Encourage her to talk to someone she trusts, and if her ex was violent or forced her into sex, encourage her to talk to the police.
If your friend wants to speak to someone in confidence encourage them to contact the 24 hour, National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 or if they’re under 18, they can speak to ChildLine on 0800 11 11 or visit www.childline.org.uk where they can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
We hope that helps.
SS
09/04/2013
Hello, I was in a relationship for nearly 5 months, my now ex would wait till i was asleep and check my phone then ask me who they was; the messages could be from years before and he'd wake me up and say 'have you shagged him' 'whens the last time you saw him' My parents didnt like him, his temper was disgusting and i became scared of him, scared of what he could do and what he could be planning now ive spilt up with him. A month into the relationship he claimed he felt unloved by me so he got another girl pregnant, she sadly lost the baby. There could be times when i was in bed and he would get so angry he used to grip my hand or throw my blackberry at my face. But i still loved him and put up with him. So many people said he needs help and i feel so bad for letting him go. I just hope no one has to go threw what i have had to go threw. Id write more about my relationship but i know so many people go threw worst than me. But was my relationship abusive?
SS - 09/04/2013
ReplyHi SS,
Thanks for your post.
Yes - from what you've said your ex was exhibiting controlling behaviour and that can be a sign of emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it's not normal, and it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do. Your ex was also subjecting you to physical abuse. See here for more information on the signs of abuse - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/spot-the-signs
It's good you left the relationship and we hope you did that safely. We would always encourage you to try and find someone you trust to talk about your experience, it’s important you speak up about what you went through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and happy and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) for support.
sara
09/04/2013
well my friend was dating this guy and he rape her last year. she killed herself last month because she could not tell anyone one about who did this to her. so i'm in a mess right now with me bf. he wants to have sex with me but i dont want to but he kinda forcing me. i need help what to do if he rapes me.
sara - 09/04/2013
ReplyHi Sara,
Thanks for your message.
We are so very sorry to hear about your friend, that is really awful, we really hope you've spoken to someone about how your friend's suicide is affecting you.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is totally unacceptable, and your boyfriend is wrong to be putting you under that pressure. You have the right to say no, and he should respect that.
Please find someone you trust to talk to about your worries, it could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) for guidance. And if you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
kayleigh
09/04/2013
how an you tell if a friend is in an abusive relationship? im worried about her as her boyfriend has already threatened to hit her and smashed her phone. she admitted she was scared but hes "apologised" and she now wont talk to me about him. he also gets moody when she spends time with me.
kayleigh - 09/04/2013
ReplyHi Kayleigh,
Thanks for your message.
If your friend's boyfriend is threatening physical violence, has already broken her phone and is exhibiting other signs of controlling behaviour, yes it's likely your friend is in an abusive relationship. She may need professional help and your encouragement and support to help stop it. Click here to find out more about the signs of abuse for your own information - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/spot-the-signs.
Tell your friend you are worried about her and let her know the way her boyfriend is treating her is unacceptable, it's not normal, that support is available and the abuse isn't her fault. When you try to talk to her try to make her feel at ease as it takes courage to admit abuse. Encourage her to talk to a trusted adult about what's happening. You shouldn’t confront her boyfriend on your own and neither should your friend. And if she decides to leave the relationship, it’s very important she does so safely. More information and advice can be found here - http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/59-difficult-to-leave.html. They can also call Refuge on 0808 2000 247 for further support.
If you or your friend want to speak to someone in confidence, contact the 24 hour, National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 or if you're under 18, speak to ChildLine on 0800 11 11 for advice and guidance, or visit www.childline.org.uk where you can both contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Bryony
08/04/2013
I'm so glad these adverts are being shown!! Shows people that an abusive relationship isn't just a guy beating up a girl! shows that manipulating and controlling guys are abusive too and that's wrong... Hopefully it'll help other people see what's happening is wrong and they'll get out of that type of situation like I did!
Bryony - 08/04/2013
Replykylie
08/04/2013
i have been in 2 abusive relationships, one was an attempted rape and the other i wasnt even in a relationship with he just found fun inhurting me and keaving scars and brusies but its been over a year and i have such a caring boyfriend who treats me right, my problem is that i can turn abit violent if he upsets me or makes me mad i know its wrong more than anyone but i think because of how i was treated its just stuck with me, how do i over come it?
kylie - 08/04/2013
ReplyHi kylie,
Thanks for your message.
We're so sorry to hear what you've been through, it's great you've now found a supportive, caring boyfriend.
We would encourage you to talk to someone you trust about your past experiences and how you think those are affecting your behaviour in your new relationship. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. You can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. They offer counselling and support for women who have experienced any form of sexual violence, not just rape.
Respect will also be able to offer help and advice on your violent behaviour towards your boyfriend - you can call them on 0808 802 4040 in confidence to discuss your situation.
We hope that helps.
hannah
08/04/2013
ive been in a abusive relationship for a year and a half, im 15 years old and met my 'boyfriend' on the 21 septemeber 2011 , when I first met him everything was perfect I was still so young, and he treated me so nice, he was the new boy at school who had moved down from London, he wasn't the most attractive person ive ever met, he was short and fat, whereas I was tall, he didn't have many friends but strangley we seem to have met by abuse, he pushed me off my chair in one lesson and ended up in a detentiuon together, I liked him a lot, we started to talk a lot and then we got together, for a few months things were going so well, and then we began to argue, he started to loose weight and hang out with a more 'popular' crowd of people, as time went by I put up with the arguing until one day he punched me so hard in the face I was sick.. I forgave him the next day. from then on the abuse has gotten worse punching,kicking,spitting pulling my hair, calling me horrible discusting names, using me for sex. he is now a criminal, he does drugs everyday,gets in trouble with the police all the time, but somehow I still let him back despite everything he does, for the stress he caused I managed to get kicked out of 3 schools in 6 months and end up at a behaviour school where he used to go, ive had domestic violence help as the teachers at my school noticed the physical changes in us both, but some things I cant tell them, how I was pregnant with his baby at 14 a few weeks before my 15 birthday, I sound like a tart, but im not, im a lot more mature than you may think. he told me ' if I didn't kill this baby, he would kill it for me' it scared me and I had an abortion, everyday it breaks my heart to think of what he has put me through and the abuse till this day is still continuing, the occasional punch, everyday used for sex, drawn in by the way he says 'he loves me' I just don't know what todo anymore.....
hannah - 08/04/2013
ReplyHi Hannah,
Thanks very much for your message.
What you've been through and are continuing to go through sounds horrific; no one deserves to be treated like that. We would urge you to find someone you trust to talk to about this, be open about everything that's happened, and get the support you need and advice on leaving the relationship.
Your boyfriend is subjecting you to emotional, physical and sexual abuse, no one should tolerate that, abuse is wrong, it's not normal. You are not alone and people will help you. Can you talk to your parents about what's been happening, if not, please be sure to call ChildLine to talk about everything in confidence, they won't judge, they are there to listen, help, advise and support you. Contact them on 0800 1111 or you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
S
07/04/2013
I'm a 32 year old mom of two young childre, I married my now husband last year as he promised he would change.
I no longer work as he controls my finances and he tells me that my friends have either 'tried' it on with him or are sl@gs.
We do have good times but when he is in a bad mood we all suffer. He changes with a flick of a switch but he when I respond he tells me I'm a nag and he'l blow his top. Sometimes resulting in ringing my OAP parents and demanding to fetch me from my home.
I feel he has the gift of the gab and I can never get a word in edgeways. If I say someting or disagree with him he'l take away the car from me and refuse to help with the children...
The name calling is getting worse too, i was called names (in fromt of my children) two days ago and then he becomes heavy handed..
I ring the police and he tells them I have been drinking and tells them to ring social services..He records me when I'm screaming at him as to why he is doing this and replays it to the police saying I'm a nutter...
Then...he'll change back to calm and expect me to be ok.. I'm so sorry to go on, but I'm now left feeling useless and confused as to why a man who claimed he loved me and our children would ever want to make me feel like this...He will always try to seek revenge if I've stood up for myself by saying that I've had enough..
I;ve lived in hope that things will change and I don't want my children to hear and see all this...he makes our life so hard..but why??
I;m a good person, why tell people lies about me??Can anyone please help
S - 07/04/2013
ReplyHi S
Thanks for posting on the site. Although the campaign is aimed at 13-18 year olds there are many specialist support services available for adults.
If you’re looking for support or advice you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) or log-on to Women's Aid's Survivors' Message board: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=0001000100080021§ionTitle=Survivors+Forum.
Mr S
07/04/2013
Hi, this is difficult to type as I'm writing this with a blazing row going on down stairs, so you'll have to bare with me.
I'm a 28 year old man, I still live at home, but I'm slowly finding my feet despite the recession - I graduated from university in 2008.
My father is currently threatening to leave my mother, in the meantime he refuses to talk to her properly and is setting money aside for himself after contributing to family finances as the bread winner while my mother was a stay at home mother to raise me and my brother.
Naturally she started work part time when she could and contributed more than half what she earned to the family pot. Dad let her manage the finances because he didn't want to be involved in it.
Now he insisting on contributing for day to day running costs only, keeping the rest for himself, while insisting that all house bills are reduced to the point of supervising her while she is food shopping.
He is also refusing to financially support my younger brother as he is not making the effort to get a job in his eyes. I'm not sure if this sounds like nothing at all, but this is all going on under the threat that he will leave my mother, perhaps even sell the house and take that with him, my mother can't afford to live without him and he knows this, I am only just getting on my feet and
I'm not sure if I can support my mum and my brother by myself. But he won't let on which way he might decide to go, in the meantime arguments happen like the one now, which started because my dad told my mother his credit card bill needs paying despite all the threats of cutting her off, he still wants her to manage his bills.
Personally, my dad was abusive and violent toward me as a child, he'd shout at me, undermine my confidence, insist on controlling me and he hit, punch, kick and even throw me across the room.
But I had no one to turn to and no knowledge that there was anyone that could help me or stop him, he was in charge and I had to accept that while he frequently blamed me for these events. Recently, he even tried to blame me for all the things he was doing to my mother, a flashpoint that caused me to put him up against the kitchen wall, I stepped back, but he started calling me a bully now that I am just as big as he is.
So why am I still at home, partly,, I didn't know any different as a child, it has been a struggle to find a job after university and I worry a lot about my mother and brother that I don't want to just fly the nest and leave them to my controlling father.
All the while I'm suffering with depressions and aspergous syndrome, keeping my career growing and my willpower strong such a struggle with this going on at home, I find myself dreading coming home in the evenings and the weekends.
Mr S - 07/04/2013
ReplyHi Mr S
Thanks for posting on the site. Although the campaign is aimed at 13-18 year olds there are many specialist support services available for adults.
If you are experiencing domestic abuse, please contact the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327 or log-on to their website at: http://www.mensadviceline.org.uk/mens_advice.php .
If your father wishes to gain information to change his behaviour, please urge him to call the Respect phoneline on 0808 802 4040 or log-on to their website at: http://www.respectphoneline.org.uk/phoneline.php