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This is ABUSE

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Results: 525 - 540 of 2116

  • Anonymous

    12/01/2014

    My boyfriend has mentally and verbally abused me for 3 years. I told him he was doing this and he laughs it off. I am now pregnant and he has been physically abusive, not actually hit me but pulled me to the floor, and threatened to punch my baby out of me.
    I have let him now for the sake of my baby.
    Can I or should I register this with the police?

    Anonymous - 12/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Anonymous

      Thank you for getting in touch with us. This must be so frightening for you especially now that you are pregnant and you need to try and get as much support for yourself as you possibly can. Have you been seen by the midwives yet? I know it can be scary to talk to people about what has happened but they will understand and be able to support you throughout the pregnancy. This is particularly important as although you have said you have left your partner he may try and contact you and use the pregnancy as a reason to do so.

      Regarding reporting this to the police yes you can and I think that would be a good decision. You are more vulnerable whilst you are pregnant and the abuse against you and your baby would be taken seriously. Also if you report it now and your partner should start to harass you in the future the police will know what has happened and be able to respond quickly to keep you safe and support you.Most police stations have something called a Community safety Unit and these units have specially trained officers to support victims of domestic violence. Google your local station to get the details and then maybe have a friend with you for support when you either call or visit them.

      You could also talk to the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247 and they will be able to advise you about local support services in your area.

      You have taken a very brave step leaving your partner whilst pregnant but getting some good practical and legal advice as well as emotional support will help you through this. I do hope things work out

      Take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 14/01/2014

  • Michelle

    12/01/2014

    I've just walked out on an abusive relationship. He had previously hit me in an a fight. He would always swear at me and always threatened to end the relationship and it would be down to me to beg. I lost all my male friends because he didn't like me talking to other guys. I was always in the way in the flat. I just decided I had had enough and packed all my stuff up

    Michelle - 12/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Michelle.
      Thanks for getting in touch. I am really glad that you are no longer in that relationship but just want to make sure that you are safe now?

      There is some good safety info here for when you have left an abusive relationship
      http://refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/help-for-women/keeping-safe/

      There is also a lot of support available if you feel you need to talk to someone and you can always come to our live chat sessions if you need to.

      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team 12/01/2014

  • Anonymous

    12/01/2014

    Why are there no sites/or helplines dedicated to adult men in abusive marriages. Non of the listed helpline list this group. Where am I to turn to for help and advice?

    Anonymous - 12/01/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Anonymous,

      Thanks for your post. There are services for men, I’m sorry you haven’t found one as yet.

      A good place to start would be the Men’s Advice Line. You can call them on 0808 801 0327 or go to the website www.mensadviceline.org.uk for more information.

      Of course if you are in immediate danger you should call the police on 999.

      I hope that you get the advice and support that you need.

      Take Care,

      Brian.

      This is Abuse team 14/01/2014

  • becky

    12/01/2014

    I dont know if this was considered abuse but my ex had sex with me while I was asleep he waited till I fell asleep, he forced me to send girls messages because he wanted to see 2 girls get off with each other, he threatned to kill and rape me by message if I didnt do something. He made me do werid sexual activities... I know its a previous relationship but I just wanted to know was this abuse? Thanks

    becky - 12/01/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Becky,

      Thank you for your message. It’s realty brave of you to post what has happened here, I can hear you are confused about the abuse you went through and I’m happy you have felt able to post here about it. You don’t have to deal with after effects of this alone.

      Your boyfriends had sex with you while you were asleep and unable to give consent to sex. This is rape, which is a very serious offence. He also forced you into sexual activities by the use of threat. This means that you could not freely say if you wanted to do them or not. What happened to you was abuse and if you are still feeling effected by that now, that is totally normal. You have been through something really traumatic that was not your fault.

      Have you had any support for what you have been through? If not I would encourage you to call Rape Crisis, they are an organisation who specialise in working with women and girls who have suffered sexual violence. They can talk with you in a confidential and non-judgemental setting. You can reach them on 0808 802 (12 –2.30 & 7 – 9.30 everyday). If you have someone supporting you it will be easier for you to make the next move towards recovery and get yourself some specialist help for what you have been through.

      We also have a live chat available 5-7 weeknights.

      Take care,
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 13/01/2014

  • Anonymous

    11/01/2014

    im in an abusive n violent realationship iv ad demestic violence teams invoolved n hospitals av gt resports of my injuries hes given methey reported my injuries to the police but because im to scared and got no family to help me i wont give a statement coz of threats and wer i live iv askd council for help but got no wer wit them i cnt control my ill ness coz of everything that im goin threw police dont solve it they make it worse in my case iv never been so scared on my own i see ads on tv n im scared to do out about it now im lost wit it all

    Anonymous - 11/01/2014

    Reply
  • kerri

    11/01/2014

    hi i have been with my bf on and off 13yrs it was all goin ok at frist then he got his place and he started to hit me and stuff he kicked me out i was lft i got bk with him and it happend again i then feel pregnent with my lil grl she 6 nw but when i was preg he kicked in to me i was in hosp for 9day b4 and 9 days after had her i spent time at my mums and then he moved in it was ok but he bcame a xbox freak and done nothing 4 our girl he used to hit me and told me if i say help he would hit me he call me names all the time i got my place he started all again my lil grl was in my arms he hit me pushed me and punched all the pic i had of her :( in 2007 i had lil boy i didnt want to go home because i know wat would happen but things was ok i feel so down and low he dont help or do nothing just play xbox i would ask him to do somthing and he will kick off hes on xbox nw ..... ive had it my kids dont need that i fin with him and he was here 24/7 yes on game i would do anything but nothing worked wat can i do to get it in his head that his a father and need to help me ........ i get could everything ..... i just dont know wat to do as its kids dad i need to get it in his head game or kids :,,,( x

    kerri - 11/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Kerri,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like you're having a really difficult time. It must be really hard for you.

      Unfortunately, the only person that can change your partner's behaviour is him. No matter what you do, it seems that he is not going to address his issues around violence and abuse. It sounds like the violence he has used against you is putting both you and your children at risk.

      I think it's really important that you have a think about what your children are witnessing or hearing taking place, and the effect it will probably be having on them. I think that spending all of his time on X-box and none with the children, and then the violence he is expressing.

      What we often see if that men will address the situation, and access help, when a partner leaves or threatens to leave, or children's services become involved. Unfortunately it is clear that you threatening, and leaving, is not enough to make him address these issues.

      My concern is around you, and what support is in place for you. Have you thought about engaging with your local domestic violence service? Nobody is going to make you leave your partner, but they can put things in place to keep you as safe as possible, and ensure that you are receiving some emotional support around what is taking place. You will be able to google your local service, or can find them by contacting the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger then always call 999.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 13/01/2014

  • Joanne

    11/01/2014

    So basically I was in a very horriable relationship my ex when I was pregnant my ex put his hands round my throat tried to pull me off a work top and would push me about, it's was horriable so I left but then I was stupid enough to go back, everything was ok for a while then about 3 months after having my little boy it got worse he blocked all my male friends and stopped me going out I was only ever aloud to go out with him or his sister, things took a very bad turn after being out he put his hands over my mouth and nose when I was in bed I couldn't breathe, I struggled and he hurt me more burst an broke my nose, burst my lip gave me a black eye and bruises all over my body, I called the police and he got arrested! My dad booked me a train .......and I got my son and dog and some stuff together and left and have never looked back! If he hadn't of done that to me I would probably still be there going through hell right now! I never thought I would have the strength to leave but I did, I am broken inside and scared to get close to another man! Incase it happens again! I'm sharing my story because I hope that if there are any other girls out there going through something smilar that they see that they do have the strength to leave! I did and so do you! Please don't let it get so bad that you end up in a court case like I am! X

    Joanne - 11/01/2014

    Reply
    • hi
      Thank you for your message. I want to reassure you that you are not stupid at all, many people return to relationships for all sorts of reasons. Unfortunately, abuse often starts or increases during pregnancy or after birth . It sounds like you experienced a very traumatic attack and I am so pleased that you were able to call the police - that was the right thing to do.

      It is great that you were able to get away and I hope you are able to safely rebuild your life. There are lots of organisations who can help if you need some support, you can ring the national helpline on 0808 2000 247 and also this link may be useful: www.scottishwomensaid.org.uk/‎

      It can take a long time to recover from abuse and to feel like you can trust again, but not all relationships are like this and now you have managed to get away, there is hope for the future for you and your child.


      Good luck for everything
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team 12/01/2014

  • Lesley

    11/01/2014

    Hi, since the age of 15 I've been in two domestic abuse situations (I am now 20). The first boyfriend from the age of 15-17 used to physically beat me, force me to have sex with him and even hit me with his car. The second boyfriend from the age of 17-20 was mentally abusive, telling me to go die, telling me that I'm ugly and that he's too good for me amongst many other things. Because of this I have lost all my confidence and am questioning my own judgement of people. Are there any recommendations of ways to help gradually get my confidence back?

    Lesley - 11/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lesley
      I am so sorry to hear that you have been through two abusive relationships. Experiencing that amount of trauma can have a huge impact on us and it is understandable that you would lose confidence and question things.

      However, it is important to remember that none of this is your fault and that there is a lot of support to help you recover and move forwards.

      You can ring the national helpline to get info on local support - 0808 2000 247 or you can google the local area where you live and 'domestic violence support' - you should find details for local services. There are also support groups all over the country for people to go to to meet others who have experienced a similar thing and to help rebuild your confidence.

      There is some useful advice and links here on rebuilding confidence after abuse:
      http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100360004

      You can also come to our live chat service if you want to talk more, every mon-fri from 5-7pm.

      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team 12/01/2014

  • Annie

    11/01/2014

    I'm an extremely jealous person - where I'd never dream of hitting my partner, I struggle not to check his communication with other people and I hate it when he goes out because I feel insecure. I hate his friends for this reason, although they're perfectly nice people. I don't want to behave in this way because I realise this is a horrible situation to put him in, but I can't stop. I deleted my facebook page to try and limit the behaviour but the jealousy won't go away and I feel that he notices despite my efforts to hide being upset. I don't want to end the relationship but I don't know what to do about this intense jealousy...please help.

    Annie - 11/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Annie,

      Thank you for getting in contact with us. It sounds like a really difficult time for you and I'm really glad that you are looking to get some support around your controlling behaviour.

      I think it would be really helpful for you to access some information from Respect. Their information can be found here;

      http://www.respectphoneline.org.uk/pages/female-domestic-violence-perpetrators.html

      They have a specific leaflet on managing jealousy on that page, which might be helpful for you. But they also have a helpline open Monday-Friday 9-5, the number is 0808 802 4040. Hopefully they will be able to assist you in addressing the issue.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 13/01/2014

  • Unhappy

    10/01/2014

    I am currently living with my partner of 2 years. I 10 years older than her. She is abusive. She will call me names, hit me when I've tried to leave. Everytime I start packing my stuff she just stands
    at the door and abuse and swear at me. Everytime we do this she throws up my secret. I tried to kill myself previously (unsuccessfully thank god) but all she does is go on and on about it. Sorry for waffling on, I'm not a violent person but if another one of these comes along I'm going to snap :(

    Unhappy - 10/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi
      Thanks for your message, I am not sure of your gender from your post but if you are male I suggest contacting the Mens Advice Line who will be able to listen and give you advice :
      http://www.mensadviceline.org.uk/mens_advice.php
      0808 801 0327 - Monday - Friday 10am-1pm and 2pm-5pm

      If you are female then I suggest contacting Broken Rainbow: http://www.brokenrainbow.org.uk/
      0300 999 5428

      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team 12/01/2014

  • tom

    10/01/2014

    Although its more than four years since she destroyed our marriage and family and I left our family home rather than cause any more distress she is still trying to mess with my head and do as much damage to me WS she can. She won't agree a fair settlement, do anything about the debts she ran up on my cards and keeps threatening to take half my pension. She had the house has left me no option other than go bankrupt and still wants to decimate my pension and my future, whats left of it! She fools everyone, and me the most for 25 years!

    tom - 10/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Tom,

      Thanks for getting in contact. It sounds like a really tough time for you, and I'm sorry that you are feeling distressed.

      It sounds like you would really benefit from some legal advice around what is happening to you at the moment. It might be helpful to see if there is a free Law Centre near you that may be able to assist you, you can find this at http://www.lawcentres.org.uk/ alternatively then you can speak to your local Citizen's Advice Bureau.

      I think it would be really helpful for you to contact the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327, they are a specific advice line for men experiencing violence and abuse, and it would be helpful to talk through some of your experiences and see if there are any additional support service you can access.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 13/01/2014

  • thomas

    10/01/2014

    Although I never appreciated just how abusive my wife was I put up with many years of emotional and psychological intimidation until she then used the system to really put the boot in. The police and courts are blind to abuse against most men. She nearly killed me and might yet succeed. Aided by the system she has taken everything including my confidence and self esteem.

    thomas - 10/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Thomas,

      Thanks for getting in contact. It sounds like you're having a really tough time, we are aware that men can experience physical and emotional abuse, and there are services that will support male victims of abuse.

      The Men's Advice Line offers advice and support for men, their number is 0808 801 0327. They will also be able to put you in contact with any ongoing support services in your local area.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 13/01/2014

  • Claire

    10/01/2014

    My fiance got angry the other night. We had an argument about me using my phone so he smashed and broke it. I walked out of the room and he grabbed a knife and came after me. I didn't back down and told me he didn't scare me, he walked away and put it back. He came back though and said it was my fault he broke my phone and was angry because I had started it - I hadn't meant to start an argument I only tried to defend myself and tell him I hadn't been texting or messaging or calling anyone else. He has never actually hurt me in any physical way on purpose.

    This isn't the first time we have had a row like this, but it's only once every few months. The rest of the time he is kind and caring and loving. I don't want to leave him but I do need to find a way of talking to him and making him realise his behaviour isn't right and I don't deserve to be treated that way or threatened.

    He's better now than when we first got together, he would check my phone records and I wasn't allowed to see any of my friends or text them unless he was there watching what I was doing. When I used Facebook, he would always start a row about it because of his paranoia and in the end I just deleted it because it made my life easier. He never explicitly says I can't do something, he just makes it more unpleasant for me until he gets what he wants anyway. I try and stand up for myself for a while but then I just give in because I hate it when he doesn't talk to me and he stops being affectionate and loving and caring. I don't want to leave him but I don't know how I can talk to him without him getting upset and angry.

    Claire - 10/01/2014

    Reply
    • HI Claire,

      Thanks for coming forward to share your experiences. It must have been really scary for you. Threatening someone with a knife is a really scary tactic to use, whether he was actually going to use it or not.

      Although you feel your partner's behaviour has got better because he doesn't monitor you so much, there is still abusive behaviour there, and this won't change unless he wishes to address it. If he would like to access support around this then he can call the Respect Helpline, but he has to choose to do this.

      My concern is around the support you are receiving. I think it might be helpful to talk to someone about what is happening. Nobody is going to make you leave your partner, but it is really important that you take some measures to put yourself first.

      You could get in contact with your local domestic abuse service via the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247. There is also a lot of useful information on the Women's Aid Website www.womensaid.org.uk

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 12/01/2014

  • Nameless

    10/01/2014

    I'm really, really frightened. My boyfriend is mentally unstable and is making threats of the worst kind. He is very obsessive. I am too scared to be give any more information in case he sees this. I don't know what to do.

    Nameless - 10/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi
      Thank you for your post, I understand that you are frightened but it is really good that you have got in touch. Well done for being brave and reaching out for support.

      If you are ever scared then please ring the police on 999. You can also ring the national helpline on 0808 2000 247 - they are open 24 hours a day and will be able to give you lots of advice and can tell you about local support in your area. There are lots of great organisations who can help you.

      If you want to talk more, we have a live chat service here every mon-fri from 5-7pm. I will be online tonight if you are able to come on.

      It is hard to give specific advice without more details, but please know that you are not alone,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team 10/01/2014

  • alysia

    10/01/2014

    I think this is an absolutely amazing idea. The name domestic violence suggests physical abuse and not necessarily emotional/mental abuse. I'm a huge supporter after being in an abusive relationship myself. I didn't realise at the time but I'm so glad I'm out of it now. From being 15 my partner stopped me talking to boys, constantly checked up on me, checked my phone and Facebook, even removed people off my contacts, he rang me kicking off because I didn't tell him I was going to a relatives, said he would come and drag me home to get me away from my friends, told me what to wear, questioned me if I wore makeup, made me stay at his house even if he wasn't in so he knew where I was, accused me of cheating etc. Made up stories about me and spread them around. On holiday he threatened to stay in the hotel room on the last day unless I slept with him, I felt pressured and I did. Not only that but he hit me, strangled me, kicked me in the head when we split up and he found out I started seeing someone. He said if I didn't want to get married or have kids there was no point in us being together, I accepted his proposal and had a child with him to keep him happy. He says that even if I get a new partner, he'll always have me because of our child and has told people he can have me whenever he wants me. He no longer sees our child and I have nothing to do with him. The list could go on. Although all this together, sounds silly I didn't realise before but I was young and I didn't know any better. I never spoke out and I never told anyone about this. Bruises fade and tears dry but I will always be emotionally scared because of this. I urge people in these situations to tell someone! Don't suffer in silence. They never really had anything like this while I was in this situation, it was never really spoke about. Which is why this is amazing and definitely raises awareness. Hopefully people will realise and get the help they need. Thank you ever so much for coming up with this idea! :) xx

    alysia - 10/01/2014

    Reply

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