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This is ABUSE

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Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships

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TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS

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Results: 525 - 540 of 2084

  • hlj

    08/01/2014

    i spent two and a half years with a monster and i didnt even know.. he was nasty but i never saw it untill it got worse. he would accuse me of cheating when throughout the relationship i was 100% faithful. id wake up at 5am with my hair being pulled screaming in my ear, he was psychotic but i thought i could handle it. then it got worse, he was a sex addict in my eyes.. he would force it onto me and no matter how much i screamed, cried and kicked he would never stop until hes 'finished' .. then ill be told its okay its normal all boyfriends will do this.. i believed him because i couldnt speak to anyone, i was scared they'd think bad of him and i was young vulnerable and in love i didnt want people to know the side i had to put up with it. i finally got out the relationship where i was then followed around and new partner was mixed up in a fight with him because he couldnt take the fact id accepted what he does is wrong and i was no longer having it. id have threats, name-calling but i had to ignore it. i think i still love him but i dont know if its just where he's manipulated my mind... i was kind of in a bad way because of him! i need someone to talk to.. get it all out.. but i dont know what to do...

    hlj - 08/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi
      Thanks for your message. It sounds like you were in a very abusive relationship. It is understandable to feel like you might still love him, as love is a really strong emotion that we can't just turn off, but I am very glad you are no longer in that relationship as it was very unsafe and you deserve to be treated with love and respect.

      Rape is never ok and certainly not normal and not part of a healthy respectful relationship.

      I think it is really important that you talk to someone about what you have been through, there are lots of great services out there. If you google the area you live in and then 'domestic violence support services' you should find details of local services or support groups. Ypu can also search for services here: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=0001000100080006§ionTitle=Find+help+locally
      You can also talk to your GP about a referral to counselling.

      We also have a live chat here mon - fri from 5-7pm if you want to talk more to us.

      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team 12/01/2014

  • mac

    08/01/2014

    I would like to say to women that are going though abuse there is hope I've been out of an abusive marriage its nearly 2 years I'm counting the one thing that I no is that it wasn't my fault and I didn't deserve to be treated that way I've had counselling and treated for post traumatic stress all that I went though I sit some times and wonder how did I get here but I have and I say to all there is help out there you are not alone tell someone even if it is a doctor or a close friend the presher that you feel and that no one well understand because to others they don't seam the type they are so charming you feel like your going mad but your not I just want to help no one deserves to suffer like that minds games being hit shouted at and more I'm not responsible for him being like he was and you can do it yes they well say things to make you stay or frighten you but don't listen you really need to get out

    mac - 08/01/2014

    Reply
  • Beth

    08/01/2014

    I left my ex after I write on this I felt so brave but after school he and ....................... .... raped me, beat me up and made me walk home ................. I was so upset I'm scared to tell my parents I feel like ending my life everytime I see my ex he laughs at me I want to tell police but I'm scared what ............. might do

    Beth - 08/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Beth,

      Thank you for your message, I wanted to contact you directly as you have
      experienced something terrifying and I'm concerned that you are not safe at
      the moment and may need some support.

      You have been very brave to contact us, what happened to you was not your
      fault and I want you to know that there is support for you to access so you
      are not coping with this alone.

      Do you have any injuries that may need looking at? If you have not been to
      the doctors you may want to, as you could be at risk from sexually
      transmitted infections or pregnancy. If you see a doctor anything you say
      to them will be confidential and you can get some help for any physical
      issues connected to the rape. There are specialist services for women who
      have been raped. I have included a link here so you can see if there is one
      in your area.

      http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/Referralcentres2.php

      You say you are frightened to go to the police, which is understandable as
      you have been through a traumatic event. Could you tell anyone else in your
      life, family or a trusted adult who could help you decide what to do next.
      If you do want to go to the police having the support of people around you
      will make it easier for you to do.

      If you are at risk at the moment from this person or their friends you may
      need some protection, the more support you have the safer you will be. I
      have included a link here to some information about what to do after an
      attack and I would encourage you to call rape crisis on on 0808 802 (*12
      –2.30 & 7 – 9.30 everyday). *

      We have live chat sessions every Monday - Friday between 5-7 and would really like to help you so perhaps try and give us a call. If you feel you can't do that nor confide in someone you know Childline offer an excellent service for children and young people so you could perhaps call them on 0800 1111. The thoughts about self harm are a normal reaction to the trauma you have been through - try not to feel bad about them. However, the wish to self harm is very difficult to cope with so if you can be brave again and confide in someone that will be the first step towards getting the support you have a right to as well as making sure you are looked after and stay safe.

      Take care

      Linda

      This is Abuse team 11/01/2014

  • Rhiannon

    08/01/2014

    I wish that I got out that relationship before he turned violent.. He broke my wrist I was covered on bruises and I now self harm.. I think when people are in a relationship they shouldn't be violent or nasty they should know each other for a while it's hard to get up everyday and look in the mirror thinking you let that person you thought you loved do that to you.. It's really hard it feels lonely and it's stuck in your mind every day

    Rhiannon - 08/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Rhiannon

      Thanks for your post. It sounds like you had the strength to escape a very abusive and dangerous relationship but I can hear how much this is still a struggle for you. Abuse is an isolating experience and can leave those who have experienced it in a very lonely place. It is really important that you try and get some support for yourself and understand that this is not your fault and you are responsible in any way for what has happened - you can only be responsible for your own behaviours not those of others. I appreciate that seeking help is not always easy to do but you have a right to feel good about yourself again and rebuild your life. Have you any friends or family you can talk to who would support you?

      It is not uncommon to practice self harming behaviours as a a consequence of abuse. You may have had advice already but if you want ideas about strategies to manage these you could always talk to your GP or contact the national charity MIND on www.mind.org.uk who also have an information and advice line on 0300 1233393. Rhiannon if you are isolated and alone away from friends and family support you could always call the Samaritans on 08457 909090 to chat - they are great especially in those moments at night time and weekends when people often feel really alone.

      My last thought is that you could maybe call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247 as they can tell you about local services in your area. Some areas run groups for women who have experienced abuse and it might help you to try one of these out - meeting women who have had similar experiences may normalise some of what you are thinking and feeling at the moment.

      I hope some of that helps and that you get the help you deserve and that life becomes less lonely in the future

      Take care

      Linda

      This is Abuse team 08/01/2014

  • Hayley

    08/01/2014

    I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years we live together and I do love him deeply ... the thing is he is just so controlling I have lost all my friends because he wouldn't allow me to see them anymore he constantly puts me down calls me awful names swears at me constantly and makes me feel worthless he makes fun of the way I look and about my weight I feel disgusting and worthless :( he also checks my phone all the time as he is convinced that I cheat on him even though ive never done anything to even suggest I would ever cheat and I would never do that :( he is only ever nice to me when he wants sex or a favour of me ... I have also woken up many times to find he is actually having sex with me whilst I was sleeping I know its not normal but hes my boyfriend so I just forget about it ... if I ever try to leave him he says he will kill himself and forces me to stay ... our home has holes in the walls where he gets so aggressive he punches the walls I wonder how long it will takes before he turns on me?? I have no life ... no friends anymore my life is with him and he knows that ... im so unhappy all I do is cry I know that I should leave him and it sounds so easy to just say it but I feel trapped I feel I can't leave I just dont know what to do anymore my whole life is living in my home with him I just dont see a way out :( of you have any advice I would really appreciate it thanks ..

    Hayley - 08/01/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Hayley,

      Thank you for your message. It takes a lot of strength to make the first step towards getting support, which is what you have done today by posting here. You don’t have to cope on your own with what is happening to you.

      You are in a domestically abusive relationship with your boyfriend. Through isolation, control and destroying your confidence he has made you feel like you are trapped and without the relationship you have nothing in your life. Your boyfriend is also raping you. That's a serious crime and is very traumatic to go through.That’s really hard for you and you have shown a lot of strength to cope with this as long as you have. What is happening is not your fault and you are not to blame for what is happening. Your boyfriend is choosing to act the way he is, and will only stop if he chooses to.

      I can hear from what you write that the effects if this abuse on you is massive, you say you know you should leave him but it’s not that easy, which I understand. After a long time in such enclosed and intense conditions it will feel really frightening to think about how life might be without the relationship.

      Do you have anyone you could speak to in your life still? Family or friends? If not I would encourage you to call the 24 -hour domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247. You can speak to them about how you are feeling and what options you could take. you can also call Rape Crisis, they are an organisation who specialise in working with women and girls who have suffered sexual violence. They can talk with you in a confidential and non-judgemental setting. You can reach them on 0808 802 (12 –2.30 & 7 – 9.30 everyday).

      You are very isolated at the moment so no wonder you feel trapped. If you have some support you will feel less daunted. There is help out there, you deserve not to cope with this alone anymore.


      We also have a live chat from 5-7 weekdays if you need some more support.

      Take care
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 11/01/2014

  • Emily

    07/01/2014

    Im being abused mentally and physically he tries to make me hate my family and friends but a lot of the time we are really good together he tries to kill himself if I break up with him. Please tell me what to do

    Emily - 07/01/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Emily,

      Thank you for your message, it’s brave of you to share what is happening to you and I’m pleased you have felt able to.

      Your boyfriend is being emotionally abusive, what he is doing is not ok and must be very stressful for you, as he is trapping you with threats and isolation.
      Emily have you been able to talk about what is happening with anyone? Such as friends, family or a trusted adult? If you don’t feel you can discuss it with anyone you know you can call the 24 -hour domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247. There is support out there for you to access. You can discuss your situation with women on the helpline who will be able to help you decide what you would like to do. The more people you have supporting you the easier it will be for you to know what to do next.

      We also have a live chat form 5-7 weekdays if you need some more support.

      Take care
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 11/01/2014

  • Sian

    07/01/2014

    I wish there were places like this to chat when I experienced abuse, firstly verbal and then physical, I know how hard it is to talk about what is going on because you can feel ashamed that you are letting someone do something to you what you know is wrong but there is no need to ever ever feel like that and talking about it is the first step, I would really love to help anyone who needs support or to just chat because I really wish I had that before it got to far. I am a better and stronger person now and you can be too.

    Sian - 07/01/2014

    Reply
  • Courtney

    07/01/2014

    I am so glad people are stepping up to this because there's so many people who feel they don't have the freedom to walk out of an abusive relationship because they're scared of what might happen if they do but it needs to be clearly addressed because there are people with advice to share and there are people to help with there problems! It happen behind closed doors and it's not acceptable, if you're being abused in a relationship step up and tell someone! it's a type of bullying to me so if bullying starts and ends with us! I just want to help it stop:)

    Courtney - 07/01/2014

    Reply
  • ella

    07/01/2014

    my boyfriend blames drink for what he does ...ive only bee with him 3 years nd this is the 4th time ive had a major thing hppen ....I go back after pleading he threatens me and it sticks that I cant have a life without him ..am not a young or stupid woman but I keep tryin to please him and mke things better so am not blamed ..am sucked in and its getting worse ..ive 15 bruises from new years day .

    ella - 07/01/2014

    Reply

    • Dear Ella,

      Thank you for your message, it takes real courage to reach out for support, which is what you have done here. I’m pleased you have felt able to, you don’t have to cope with what is happening alone.

      Your boyfriend is being violent and abusive towards you and you are aware that the way he is treating you is not ok. What is happening to you is not your fault, your partner is the person to blame for what is happening. He is choosing to abuse you and only he can choose to stop. It is not the fault of alcohol, or you not pleasing him. He is also emotionally abusing you so you feel you have no choice but to stay with him.

      Ella can you speak to anyone about what is happening? Friends or family? If you don’t feel you can discuss it with anyone you know you can call the 24 -hour domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247.There is support out there for you to access. You can discuss your situation with women on the helpline who will be able to help you decide what you would like to do next, or point you towards specialist support in your local area. If you feel you are in danger at any time you can also call the police.


      Take care
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 11/01/2014

  • Luce

    07/01/2014

    I wish I had seen this website last year it's so good there will be a lot of people that was in my situation that wouldn't think it was abuse and just blame them selfs like I did this website will help slit of people realise that it's not normal or right to be treated that way and get out before it gets to bad this website is a amazing idea :)

    Luce - 07/01/2014

    Reply
  • Lucy

    07/01/2014

    Two years ago I was in a very abusive relationship for six months. He was a very angry and controlling person. He had suffered quite an unhappy childhood, but he often used this as an excuse for his behaviour towards me. He was constantly suspicious of who I was seeing and what I was doing. When I was out of the room he would check my texts and who I had been calling, and look through my Facebook. He was obsessed with me cheating on him.

    Lucy - 07/01/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Lucy,

      Thank you for your message and sharing your story with people reading the site. From what you write I can hear that you were in an abusive relationship with your ex.
      Have you had any support for what you went through?

      It sounds like you are coping alone with the after effects of what happened to you, if not you can look on this website for support in your local area.
      http://www.womensaid.org.uk/


      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 11/01/2014

  • samantha

    07/01/2014

    a few months ago i came out of a relationship with someone because i made the awful mistake of cheating on him, only kissing nothing huge, and he broke up with me. He got back with me 2 weeks later and stayed with me for another month and a half, which i only found out the other week was just to have sex with me again. Around a week after i went to a small get together with people he knew and was drinking there. Later that night i called my mum to come and pick me up from his house because i didnt feel like staying over, and he heard me. He asked me why i was ringing my mum and i told him, and he told me not to get her to pick me up and kept going on at me, so i put the put the phone down and argued with him for a bit about it. I kept asking why and he just said to get to know each other better and cuddle. I wasnt convinced really. He then took my phone and was going to ring her and say that i was staying over, so i said i'd ring her because i didnt want my mum hearing him on the phone. I can't remember every event that happened after that, but i remember him going to kiss me then laying on top of me and it went to the floor and tears filled my eyes. He asked if i wanted to do things and i said no and he kept asking why and it didnt happen, but i went on the sofa and obviously he followed me and started to pull down my leggings. it carried on from there and i was pretty scared and im a shy person anyway so i didnt really know what to do it happened so fast. i told him to get off twice or three times during it but he didnt really listen, just asked why and didnt care what my response was. I slept at his on his sofa with him which i now know was completely wrong and he kept waking me up to do it again and i had a go at him a couple of times saying i wanted to sleep. He was quite forceful whilst doing all of it so i found it difficult to get out of, he pinned my hands above my head when i tried pushing him off. In the morning he wanted it again and i said no he asked why and again wasnt bothered what i replied i turned to face him to say the reason why and he just kissed me and pulled me on top of him. Even now, a couple of months after it had happened, i still get teased about it from my ex and a group of his friends because they find it funny and think i lied because the person who did it said i went along with it and i gave consent, which obviously wasn't true and people believe what he says because my ex posted a facebook status saying i lied about it, and they all believe him.

    samantha - 07/01/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Samantha,

      Thank you for your message, it takes a lot of strength to share what has happened to you and I’m pleased you have felt able to here.

      What happened to you was rape and is a serious offence Samantha. I can hear how hard it has been for you, as not only have you gone through this but also you have also not been believed and you are being teased about something traumatic. That’s hard to cope with and is maybe making you feel isolated?

      What happened to you was not your fault; you are not to blame for the actions of the person who raped you. From what you write it doesn’t sound like you are able to talk to friends about what happened, could you talk to your family? If not you can Rape Crisis, they are an organisation who specialise in working with women and girls who have suffered sexual violence. They can talk with you in a confidential and non-judgemental setting. You can reach them on 0808 802 (12 –2.30 & 7 – 9.30 everyday). If you have someone supporting you it will be easier for you to make the next move towards recovery and get yourself some specialist help for what you have been through. You have been strong to cope alone, but you don’t have to, you have done a really hard thing, which is sharing what you have been through here.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 11/01/2014

  • Rachel

    07/01/2014

    I have been in a relationship with my partner for 4 months now and in the past 3 weeks my partner has started to change. He has started to emotionally abuse me and it gets to me alot, i feel low and worthless. I love him and can't seem to break up with him. What can I do?

    Rachel - 07/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Rachel,

      Thanks for getting in contact. I'm really sorry that you are in an abusive relationship.

      Leaving that relationship can be really difficult, and it is not the only option. However, if your partner isn't willing to acknowledge that he is using abuse towards you, or not willing to address his behaviour by attending a perpetrator programme then it is unlikely that anything is going to change for you.

      Nobody is going to force you to leave this relationship, but you do have to be aware of the risks that are there if you do stay. I think it would be really helpful for you to talk through your options at the moment. You can call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247. You will also be able to give them a little bit more detail about what has been happening.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 11/01/2014

  • Kate

    07/01/2014

    Thank you for the brilliant ad on television.
    I really hope this helps people to realise, what is happening to them. Verbal abuse can be a subtle daily occurrence that beats you down slowly. It takes away self worth and self respect.
    I'm really glad this ad brings attention to this type of abuse.
    Everything's good in my life now.
    Give love to yourself.
    Kate

    Kate - 07/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Kate
      We are really glad you like the campaign and that things are good for you now!
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team 07/01/2014

  • Kate

    07/01/2014

    I don't know whether the way my boyfriend treats me is wrong or not. He has always been a really jealous person, and over protective of me. He always makes comments on what I wear being slutty and tells me to change the way I do my hair. He tells me other girls are better looking than me. I know that that is wrong, but recently I don't know why but I was so so drunk and ended up kissing my best guy friend. I think I was just drunk and confused but is confessed to be my boyfriend straight away. He told me that he hated me and he never wanted to see me again but then he forgave me two days later. He then told me that if I went to the new year party that my friends were having that he would end things with me. He falls out with me and calls me unbelievable if I can't see him one night, and he also tells me I can't go out with friends- he says it's unfair to leave him paranoid at home. My mum isn't happy with the way he treats me, but he says that I just need to learn to stand up to my mum and that I'm not a kid anymore, I'm 17 years old and so is he. Is this wrong? I'm not sure if I deserve it because I cheated or whether he's using the fact that I cheated to control me?

    Kate - 07/01/2014

    Reply
    • HI Kate,

      Thanks for getting in contact. It sounds like a really difficult relationship to be in, and I'm glad that your mum has spotted that it isn't a healthy relationship.

      I think it's really important to look at what a healthy relationship is, and speaking to your partner and calling you the names he has called you about the way you look is not healthy. That does not suggest that he is loving and respectful.

      I also think it's important that you have come to this website for advice, because you know that what is happening is not right, and you want to address that. I guess this is also shown by you kissing someone else, you are looking for something that you are not getting from your relationship.

      We are not here to tell you what to do, the choice is yours, But if you would like to talk a little bit more about what has been happening then you can contact the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 11/01/2014

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Results: 525 - 540 of 2084

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