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This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

HAVE YOUR SAY

Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships

If you've got something you'd like to talk about regarding any kind of relationship abuse, come and Have Your Say on our message board.

Have a read through the discussion boards, the chances are you'll be able to talk with someone who's gone through similar experiences to your own.

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TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS

If you've got something to say about abuse in relationships then you'll need to accept our terms before you can take part - please see our rules on the right side of the page. You can then enter your comments below or under any video you want to talk about.

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Results: 525 - 540 of 2089

  • jackie

    08/01/2014

    great idea this sort of abuse is not talked about emotional abuse, broken bones and bruises go away but emotional abuse stays with you for a very long time its been 20 years since my boyfriend abused me and I suffered from low self esteem since

    jackie - 08/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Jackie

      Thanks for your comment and you are right the effects of abuse can be long lasting. I know your relationship was a long while ago but i was wondering if you had received any help about it or specifically to help with your low self esteem.

      If you called the National helpline on 0808 2000 247 they would be able to tell you about any local services in your area that might help. Also you could talk to your GP. You may have already sought help but its always good to ask again if things are not better. You deserve to be happy and feel good about yourself.

      I hope things improve

      Take care

      Linda

      This is Abuse team 08/01/2014

  • Dean Dicken

    08/01/2014

    How can I stop myself from hitting my ex who is trying 2 mess up my life?

    Dean Dicken - 08/01/2014

    Reply
    • Dean,

      I am glad you got in touch as I hope this shows that you do not want to hit your partner. There is no excuse for any kind of abuse and I want you to contact the respect phoneline as they will be able to listen to you and give you some advice.

      The Respect Phoneline is open:

      Monday - Friday 9am-5pm

      Call us on freephone 0808 802 4040 (free from landlines and most mobile phones).
      EMAIL US: info@respectphoneline.org.uk
      VISIT: http://www.respectphoneline.org.uk

      Please do contact them as soon as you can,
      Jo

      This is Abuse team 09/01/2014

  • Elfine

    08/01/2014

    I've just come out of a two year relationship and after seeing this I am shocked because of the amount of abuse I have been exposed to. Although never physical I now know just how bad and unhealthy the relationship has made me. I think this is a brilliant site because there are a lot of people that wouldn't have a clue that they were being abused unless it was physical. I'm happy to say I'm out of that dark place and I can already see my self confidence and happy self returning! This website is perfect. Thankyou!

    Elfine - 08/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Elfine

      Thanks for your message and feedback about the adverts. its a relief to hear that you are out of that relationship and getting back to your old self - I hope that continues!

      Take care

      Linda

      This is Abuse team 08/01/2014

  • Steph

    08/01/2014

    Wish I had something like this last year. My first real relationship and I was emotionally abused from the start, told what to wear, what friends I could meet, if I loved him I would do something I didn't want to do. If I had something like this I would have known what to do instead of letting it get so far that physical abuse started. My family and friends had no clue what was going on. The advert with the Hollyoaks actors explains exactly how it is, no one should ever be made to feel like that

    Steph - 08/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Steph,

      Thank you for your message and sharing your story with people reading the site. It sounds like you went through a lot without any support. That takes a lot of strength to cope.

      I’m pleased to hear you are no longer in the relationship, but wonder if you have had any support for what you went through? If not you can look on this website for support in your local area.

      www.womensaid.org.uk

      Thanks again for your message,

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 12/01/2014

  • becks

    08/01/2014

    i just wanted to say that this website is amazing, and I wish there was one up last year, but its amazing that its up now and hope it shows people that they don need to be in a relationship like that, so more and more people don't go through what I did. thank you, websites such a good idea :))

    becks - 08/01/2014

    Reply
  • hlj

    08/01/2014

    i spent two and a half years with a monster and i didnt even know.. he was nasty but i never saw it untill it got worse. he would accuse me of cheating when throughout the relationship i was 100% faithful. id wake up at 5am with my hair being pulled screaming in my ear, he was psychotic but i thought i could handle it. then it got worse, he was a sex addict in my eyes.. he would force it onto me and no matter how much i screamed, cried and kicked he would never stop until hes 'finished' .. then ill be told its okay its normal all boyfriends will do this.. i believed him because i couldnt speak to anyone, i was scared they'd think bad of him and i was young vulnerable and in love i didnt want people to know the side i had to put up with it. i finally got out the relationship where i was then followed around and new partner was mixed up in a fight with him because he couldnt take the fact id accepted what he does is wrong and i was no longer having it. id have threats, name-calling but i had to ignore it. i think i still love him but i dont know if its just where he's manipulated my mind... i was kind of in a bad way because of him! i need someone to talk to.. get it all out.. but i dont know what to do...

    hlj - 08/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi
      Thanks for your message. It sounds like you were in a very abusive relationship. It is understandable to feel like you might still love him, as love is a really strong emotion that we can't just turn off, but I am very glad you are no longer in that relationship as it was very unsafe and you deserve to be treated with love and respect.

      Rape is never ok and certainly not normal and not part of a healthy respectful relationship.

      I think it is really important that you talk to someone about what you have been through, there are lots of great services out there. If you google the area you live in and then 'domestic violence support services' you should find details of local services or support groups. Ypu can also search for services here: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=0001000100080006§ionTitle=Find+help+locally
      You can also talk to your GP about a referral to counselling.

      We also have a live chat here mon - fri from 5-7pm if you want to talk more to us.

      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team 12/01/2014

  • mac

    08/01/2014

    I would like to say to women that are going though abuse there is hope I've been out of an abusive marriage its nearly 2 years I'm counting the one thing that I no is that it wasn't my fault and I didn't deserve to be treated that way I've had counselling and treated for post traumatic stress all that I went though I sit some times and wonder how did I get here but I have and I say to all there is help out there you are not alone tell someone even if it is a doctor or a close friend the presher that you feel and that no one well understand because to others they don't seam the type they are so charming you feel like your going mad but your not I just want to help no one deserves to suffer like that minds games being hit shouted at and more I'm not responsible for him being like he was and you can do it yes they well say things to make you stay or frighten you but don't listen you really need to get out

    mac - 08/01/2014

    Reply
  • Beth

    08/01/2014

    I left my ex after I write on this I felt so brave but after school he and ....................... .... raped me, beat me up and made me walk home ................. I was so upset I'm scared to tell my parents I feel like ending my life everytime I see my ex he laughs at me I want to tell police but I'm scared what ............. might do

    Beth - 08/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Beth,

      Thank you for your message, I wanted to contact you directly as you have
      experienced something terrifying and I'm concerned that you are not safe at
      the moment and may need some support.

      You have been very brave to contact us, what happened to you was not your
      fault and I want you to know that there is support for you to access so you
      are not coping with this alone.

      Do you have any injuries that may need looking at? If you have not been to
      the doctors you may want to, as you could be at risk from sexually
      transmitted infections or pregnancy. If you see a doctor anything you say
      to them will be confidential and you can get some help for any physical
      issues connected to the rape. There are specialist services for women who
      have been raped. I have included a link here so you can see if there is one
      in your area.

      http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/Referralcentres2.php

      You say you are frightened to go to the police, which is understandable as
      you have been through a traumatic event. Could you tell anyone else in your
      life, family or a trusted adult who could help you decide what to do next.
      If you do want to go to the police having the support of people around you
      will make it easier for you to do.

      If you are at risk at the moment from this person or their friends you may
      need some protection, the more support you have the safer you will be. I
      have included a link here to some information about what to do after an
      attack and I would encourage you to call rape crisis on on 0808 802 (*12
      –2.30 & 7 – 9.30 everyday). *

      We have live chat sessions every Monday - Friday between 5-7 and would really like to help you so perhaps try and give us a call. If you feel you can't do that nor confide in someone you know Childline offer an excellent service for children and young people so you could perhaps call them on 0800 1111. The thoughts about self harm are a normal reaction to the trauma you have been through - try not to feel bad about them. However, the wish to self harm is very difficult to cope with so if you can be brave again and confide in someone that will be the first step towards getting the support you have a right to as well as making sure you are looked after and stay safe.

      Take care

      Linda

      This is Abuse team 11/01/2014

  • Rhiannon

    08/01/2014

    I wish that I got out that relationship before he turned violent.. He broke my wrist I was covered on bruises and I now self harm.. I think when people are in a relationship they shouldn't be violent or nasty they should know each other for a while it's hard to get up everyday and look in the mirror thinking you let that person you thought you loved do that to you.. It's really hard it feels lonely and it's stuck in your mind every day

    Rhiannon - 08/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Rhiannon

      Thanks for your post. It sounds like you had the strength to escape a very abusive and dangerous relationship but I can hear how much this is still a struggle for you. Abuse is an isolating experience and can leave those who have experienced it in a very lonely place. It is really important that you try and get some support for yourself and understand that this is not your fault and you are responsible in any way for what has happened - you can only be responsible for your own behaviours not those of others. I appreciate that seeking help is not always easy to do but you have a right to feel good about yourself again and rebuild your life. Have you any friends or family you can talk to who would support you?

      It is not uncommon to practice self harming behaviours as a a consequence of abuse. You may have had advice already but if you want ideas about strategies to manage these you could always talk to your GP or contact the national charity MIND on www.mind.org.uk who also have an information and advice line on 0300 1233393. Rhiannon if you are isolated and alone away from friends and family support you could always call the Samaritans on 08457 909090 to chat - they are great especially in those moments at night time and weekends when people often feel really alone.

      My last thought is that you could maybe call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247 as they can tell you about local services in your area. Some areas run groups for women who have experienced abuse and it might help you to try one of these out - meeting women who have had similar experiences may normalise some of what you are thinking and feeling at the moment.

      I hope some of that helps and that you get the help you deserve and that life becomes less lonely in the future

      Take care

      Linda

      This is Abuse team 08/01/2014

  • Hayley

    08/01/2014

    I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years we live together and I do love him deeply ... the thing is he is just so controlling I have lost all my friends because he wouldn't allow me to see them anymore he constantly puts me down calls me awful names swears at me constantly and makes me feel worthless he makes fun of the way I look and about my weight I feel disgusting and worthless :( he also checks my phone all the time as he is convinced that I cheat on him even though ive never done anything to even suggest I would ever cheat and I would never do that :( he is only ever nice to me when he wants sex or a favour of me ... I have also woken up many times to find he is actually having sex with me whilst I was sleeping I know its not normal but hes my boyfriend so I just forget about it ... if I ever try to leave him he says he will kill himself and forces me to stay ... our home has holes in the walls where he gets so aggressive he punches the walls I wonder how long it will takes before he turns on me?? I have no life ... no friends anymore my life is with him and he knows that ... im so unhappy all I do is cry I know that I should leave him and it sounds so easy to just say it but I feel trapped I feel I can't leave I just dont know what to do anymore my whole life is living in my home with him I just dont see a way out :( of you have any advice I would really appreciate it thanks ..

    Hayley - 08/01/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Hayley,

      Thank you for your message. It takes a lot of strength to make the first step towards getting support, which is what you have done today by posting here. You don’t have to cope on your own with what is happening to you.

      You are in a domestically abusive relationship with your boyfriend. Through isolation, control and destroying your confidence he has made you feel like you are trapped and without the relationship you have nothing in your life. Your boyfriend is also raping you. That's a serious crime and is very traumatic to go through.That’s really hard for you and you have shown a lot of strength to cope with this as long as you have. What is happening is not your fault and you are not to blame for what is happening. Your boyfriend is choosing to act the way he is, and will only stop if he chooses to.

      I can hear from what you write that the effects if this abuse on you is massive, you say you know you should leave him but it’s not that easy, which I understand. After a long time in such enclosed and intense conditions it will feel really frightening to think about how life might be without the relationship.

      Do you have anyone you could speak to in your life still? Family or friends? If not I would encourage you to call the 24 -hour domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247. You can speak to them about how you are feeling and what options you could take. you can also call Rape Crisis, they are an organisation who specialise in working with women and girls who have suffered sexual violence. They can talk with you in a confidential and non-judgemental setting. You can reach them on 0808 802 (12 –2.30 & 7 – 9.30 everyday).

      You are very isolated at the moment so no wonder you feel trapped. If you have some support you will feel less daunted. There is help out there, you deserve not to cope with this alone anymore.


      We also have a live chat from 5-7 weekdays if you need some more support.

      Take care
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 11/01/2014

  • Emily

    07/01/2014

    Im being abused mentally and physically he tries to make me hate my family and friends but a lot of the time we are really good together he tries to kill himself if I break up with him. Please tell me what to do

    Emily - 07/01/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Emily,

      Thank you for your message, it’s brave of you to share what is happening to you and I’m pleased you have felt able to.

      Your boyfriend is being emotionally abusive, what he is doing is not ok and must be very stressful for you, as he is trapping you with threats and isolation.
      Emily have you been able to talk about what is happening with anyone? Such as friends, family or a trusted adult? If you don’t feel you can discuss it with anyone you know you can call the 24 -hour domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247. There is support out there for you to access. You can discuss your situation with women on the helpline who will be able to help you decide what you would like to do. The more people you have supporting you the easier it will be for you to know what to do next.

      We also have a live chat form 5-7 weekdays if you need some more support.

      Take care
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 11/01/2014

  • Sian

    07/01/2014

    I wish there were places like this to chat when I experienced abuse, firstly verbal and then physical, I know how hard it is to talk about what is going on because you can feel ashamed that you are letting someone do something to you what you know is wrong but there is no need to ever ever feel like that and talking about it is the first step, I would really love to help anyone who needs support or to just chat because I really wish I had that before it got to far. I am a better and stronger person now and you can be too.

    Sian - 07/01/2014

    Reply
  • Courtney

    07/01/2014

    I am so glad people are stepping up to this because there's so many people who feel they don't have the freedom to walk out of an abusive relationship because they're scared of what might happen if they do but it needs to be clearly addressed because there are people with advice to share and there are people to help with there problems! It happen behind closed doors and it's not acceptable, if you're being abused in a relationship step up and tell someone! it's a type of bullying to me so if bullying starts and ends with us! I just want to help it stop:)

    Courtney - 07/01/2014

    Reply
  • ella

    07/01/2014

    my boyfriend blames drink for what he does ...ive only bee with him 3 years nd this is the 4th time ive had a major thing hppen ....I go back after pleading he threatens me and it sticks that I cant have a life without him ..am not a young or stupid woman but I keep tryin to please him and mke things better so am not blamed ..am sucked in and its getting worse ..ive 15 bruises from new years day .

    ella - 07/01/2014

    Reply

    • Dear Ella,

      Thank you for your message, it takes real courage to reach out for support, which is what you have done here. I’m pleased you have felt able to, you don’t have to cope with what is happening alone.

      Your boyfriend is being violent and abusive towards you and you are aware that the way he is treating you is not ok. What is happening to you is not your fault, your partner is the person to blame for what is happening. He is choosing to abuse you and only he can choose to stop. It is not the fault of alcohol, or you not pleasing him. He is also emotionally abusing you so you feel you have no choice but to stay with him.

      Ella can you speak to anyone about what is happening? Friends or family? If you don’t feel you can discuss it with anyone you know you can call the 24 -hour domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247.There is support out there for you to access. You can discuss your situation with women on the helpline who will be able to help you decide what you would like to do next, or point you towards specialist support in your local area. If you feel you are in danger at any time you can also call the police.


      Take care
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 11/01/2014

  • Luce

    07/01/2014

    I wish I had seen this website last year it's so good there will be a lot of people that was in my situation that wouldn't think it was abuse and just blame them selfs like I did this website will help slit of people realise that it's not normal or right to be treated that way and get out before it gets to bad this website is a amazing idea :)

    Luce - 07/01/2014

    Reply

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Results: 525 - 540 of 2089

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