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This is ABUSE

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Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships

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Results: 525 - 540 of 2098

  • Anonymous

    09/01/2014

    Hi, I would like another persons opinion on something I have recently experienced I'm not sure where the line could cross from love and protection or over protective and controlling.
    Up until about a year and a half ago I lived a rather normal life went to school did my school work and went out with my friends almost every night which I really enjoyed until I met a boy and we became really close although when I really first met him every time I saw him it was always the same thing he would hit me punch me throw things at me call me names like 'train tracks' due to my braces or 'dyke' due to my short hair or make fun that I don't have a large chest. I never did anything for him to do this to me because u actually really really liked him but when I told him he called me ugly and said he didn't feel the same, until a year and a half ago when he came out and said that he now liked me so everything changed and the hitting stopped and he promised he wouldn't anymore although other things started when I met him we ended up with the same group of friends in the end and suddenly he decided that he didn't want to go out anymore and after a few weeks he then told me that I shouldn't be going out anymore and so I stopped, I stopped seeing my friends, talking to them, accepting their invites to days out with them going shopping anything at all i stopped because if I did accept there was always consequences I got wrong called things and made huge arguments so eventually I gave up trying! Now I don't see anyone at all other than my boyfriend I don't go out and anyone else I see is at school. He is very protective and I'm not allowed to talk, text or even look at other boys other wise we fall out every time, he even gets very jealous and hit headed when it comes to me going to see my cousin or out with family he panics that ill lie or be with boys or that they will look at me! It even affects my hobbies I love to go rock climbing every Saturday but he will always have a go at me because he says other boys will be able to look at me? We also go through the procedure every day of what I'm wearing and if I'm showing too much skin if so yet again I get wrong and called things the same goes for make-up! I also don't know what to do when it comes to sex as I don't know how to approach things if I feel very uncomfortable and don't want to if I don't he will not speak to me and becomes very moody and depressed and thinks I'm not interested in him at all and that I don't love him or that I'm seeing someone else and often I don't know whether he's joking or not but threatens to do it anyways or wait until I'm asleep and has done this before too. I know this is long but I had a lot to get off my chest I'd like someone's advice and own opinion on my situation and let me know if what I'm saying is just love and protection or over protective and controlling I'm told by many of my friends it is but I'm not sure and this has gone on so long I don't think I know any different? :/

    Thanks.

    Anonymous - 09/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi,

      Thanks for coming forward to talk to us. I'm glad you've had an opportunity to get some of these things off your chest.

      Your partner's behaviour sounds really controlling, and it must be really difficult for you. It seems that by trying to keep you with him he is pushing you away. There will alway be other men in the world, and he can't keep you from that.

      I would like to advise you that it is your body, and you have the right to say no to everything that makes you feel uncomfortable. You shouldn't feel pressured in to doing things you do not want to do. If your partner respected you then he would not sulk and would not pressure you.

      I'm concerned that you don't have very much support because your boyfriends has stopped you seeing your friends, so I think it would be helpful for you to talk to someone. We are running Live Chat sessions on this website Monday to Friday 5pm until 7pm so please come back and talk to us about what has been going on. Alternatively you can contact the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care, Luke

      This is Abuse team - 12/01/2014

  • Wanda

    09/01/2014

    I was in a mariage for 17 years this was a physical abuse relationship.one day I plucked up the courage to leave him and take my two kids with me, since the divorce 3 years ago, he likes to play mind games, harrassing me at work etc.i did contact the police on several occassions for various text message of threats, but all the police could do is to ask him not to contact me, he still texts me, even though I ignore them, I just wish he would leave me alone, iam at breaking point and feel no one can help me, I have been given a contact number from the police called leeway, but Ifee whats the point as nothing will stop this man, is there anything I can do for mental abuse, as he is clever the way he does this! Please help!

    Wanda - 09/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Wanda,

      Thanks for getting in contact. It sounds like a really horrible situation to be in. If Leeway is your local domestic violence service it might be really helpful to get involved with them, they may be able to offer you counselling support to address the emotional abuse you have experienced.

      Something you might want to consider is taking a Non-Molestation Order against him, it will stop him being able to contact you directly or indirectly. It is ordered by the Court, so he could be arrested if he breaches it, and he could serve a custodial sentence for breaching. There's more about the Order here, http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100330002§ionTitle=Getting+an+injunction

      There are other options, such as changing your mobile number, however this is difficult where there are children involved, but you could maybe have a separate number for him which you could only turn on when you needed to.

      I think it would be really helpful for you to talk about what services are available to offer you support. You can contact the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      You may also wish to talk to your GP about accessing some counselling to address the issues you have experienced.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 12/01/2014

  • Lucy

    09/01/2014

    Hello,
    I do not know if I'm in a abusive relationship but I'm going to write what I go through and I hope I will find out how and if I am. And if so how to stop it.
    Basically I've been with this guy for 9months not that long but since the 3rd month he wouldn't let me see my guy friends , he won't let me on my phone unless it's to him or certain people in my famil. Then in the 5th month he wouldn't even let me see any friends and if I would he would have a go at me calling me swear words, a slag, unfaithful, ect. But the worst thing was when I woke up after being asleep he was having sex with me and I told him to stop and then I had to push him off. He is such a lovely and loving person when he is only with me but I'm worried what this may excalt to. I'm very scared of him due to he is very violent and has a very viscous mind and side to him so I can't leave him that easy and I am still head over heels inlove with him.

    Just need some advice
    Lucy

    Lucy - 09/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lucy,

      Thanks for getting in contact with us. It seems like there are a few issues that you want to address.

      Firstly, you have asked if what is happening is abuse, and the answer is yes. But I think you knew that already, otherwise you wouldn't have posted.

      It can be really difficult to come to terms with, and I'm glad you are starting to address it. I think it is really important to look at what a healthy relationship looks like, and in a healthy relationship you do not need permission to see your friends, you would also not expect your partner to call you abusive names.

      It's really crucial that you understand that to have sex legally then you have to give consent to the act, so you have to have sex. By having sex with you whilst you were asleep you could not give consent, you could not say yes, and therefore that act was rape and if you wanted to talk to someone about what happened then you can call the Rape Crisis Helpline on 0808 802 9999.

      It seems that you are very aware that what is happening is not acceptable. There is some information on the Women's Aid website about leaving safely if that is what you want to do, http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100310005.

      I think it might be helpful for you to contact the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247 to talk through some of your options. No one is going to make you leave your partner, but I think it would be good for you to talk some of this through.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 12/01/2014

  • amie

    09/01/2014

    hello. after seeing your advert on mtv it really made me think I genuinly said yes to everyone of the questions. he has never hit me but when he looses his temper I do feel kinda scared. everyday he has to check my phone messages, fb messages, twitter, instagram. even of I have made friends with a boy on any of these things he makes me feel guilty. he checks my call logs to see of I have rang any one while I have not been with him through the day. if I text my friends he will want to know what has been said. he does not like any of my friends and does not like me hanging with any of them. he also reads through my families texts. he peer pressures me into having sex most nights by getting angry and in a mood if I refuse. he does notlet me go to pubs/clubs without him by my side. I do not know if this is abuse but I would like some opinions on what to do please! thankyou

    amie - 09/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Amie,

      Thanks for getting in contact. It sounds like you are in a very controlling relationship, and nobody has the right to behave in this way. It is unacceptable.

      I really want to stress that it is your body, and you have the right to say no. If you do not want to have sex you shouldn't feel pressured in to having sex anyway. This coercive behaviour is sexual assault and possibly rape. Your partner should respect you enough to not have sex with you if you do not want to.

      I am concerned by your partner's controlling behaviour, and I'm really glad that you have spotted the warning signs. Your partner should trust you not to look through your profiles, and it worries me how he might act if he found something that he didn't like.

      I think it would be really helpful for you to talk to someone a little bit more about what has been happening. You can call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 12/01/2014

  • Ellie

    09/01/2014

    My names Ellie and i'm 16 years old. My boyfriend gets angry at me over so many things. the other day he asked to see my phone i said why? And he slapped me and said haven't we talked about this before? so i just gave it to him. He read all my messages went through my contacts and asked why I texted my friend Nick (it was for school work nothing crazy) and he didn't wait for an answer he just started hitting me. I know it sounds crazy but i still love him no matter what i know i should listen to him and not text guys and people he doesnt approve of im just here to ask how can i get him to stop getting so angry over things , In your guys opinion will he change?

    Ellie - 09/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Ellie,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like a really difficult situation for you.

      I'm really sorry to hear that there is abuse taking place, and what your partner is doing is not right. It is never ok to use violence, and what he is doing is against the law. By hitting you, he is assaulting you and can be arrested for that. But it is also not a healthy relationship, this is a person that you are meant to trust, and that is meant to care for you. By using violence against you he is not doing this.

      My concern is that the violence that he uses against you may get even worse. He is using violence to control your actions, and you should be able to talk to who you like, and he should be able to trust you to do that. I am worried that if he thinks he can't control you that the violence will get even more dangerous.

      He would have to choose to address his violent behaviour himself he wished to change, he could access a violence prevention programme and contact the Respect Helpline. But my biggest concern is your safety. I think it would be really beneficial for you to talk to someone about what has been going on and explore some of your options. Have you talked to any adults that you trust about what has been happening?

      I think you should call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247 to have chat about your experiences and maybe to look at ways that you can keep yourself safe.

      Please remember, if you are in danger then always call 999, like I said, what he is doing is wrong and illegal.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 12/01/2014

    • Dear Ellie,

      Thank you for your message. It’s really brave of you to post what has happened to you here, I can hear how confused you are by the situation you are in and I’m pleased you have been able to reach out for help here.

      Your boyfriend is being domestically abusive, hitting you, controlling you and emotionally abusing you. The way he is treating you is not ok and it is not your fault for texting boys. He is abusing you because he chooses to, nothing you do to change your behaviour will make him stop. He can only stop if he decides to, which it doesn’t sound like he will, as he isn’t taking responsibility for what he is doing.

      I understand you care about your boyfriend and want things between you to be good, but he is behaving in a way that is dangerous to you. Do the people around you know about his abuse? Is this something you can talk about with friends or family or a trusted adult? If so tell them how you are feeling and what is happening, the more people you have supporting you, the easier it will be fore you to decide what to do next. If you need to speak to some you don’t know you can call the 24 hour helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      You can also look at this website for more information on abuse in relationships.

      http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/

      We also have a live chat available 5-7 weeknights.

      Take care,
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 12/01/2014

  • amber

    08/01/2014

    my friend is currently in a very mentally abusive relationship, i think it maybe physical as well since i had noticed a bruises, but she blames them on other things(such as rough love making), i am very worried about her, and ive tried talking to her but she has become very passive aggressive. im scared for her, she is not the girl she once was and he has stopped her seeing most of her friends and family, i would love to get some tips on how to talk to her and help her. i'm terrified that when the few people she has left are gone, things will only get worse. please help

    amber - 08/01/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Amber,

      Thank you for your message. I can hear that you are a caring person who has the best interest of their friend at heart and has a clear picture of what is happening to her. She needs people around her that will be supportive and not judge her. Which sounds exactly what you are doing.

      It seems that you have been able to talk to her about your concerns but she gets defensive. If it comes up again you can let her know that you are there for her and that if she is in an abusive relationship you are there for her.

      When we care about someone we can want him or her to end an abusive relationship quickly, as we don’t like to see him or her hurt. However ending it is something only your friend can do in her own time. I have put a link for the women’s aid website below – it contains information that you may find useful.

      http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100320004

      Let her know that you are there for her and there are places like this website and the domestic abuse helpline she can contact (0808 2000 247) It is important that she has people to turn to that she can trust, and you are one of those people.


      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 12/01/2014

  • Navin

    08/01/2014

    I have been in this abusive relationship for the last 5 years. I put up with all the abuse only because I thought marriage is no joke. However now it has reached to a stage where it is just crippling me inside. I am a very strong person and perhaps that is the reason I haven't resorted to suicide or been a victim of depression. There are 2 serious issues:
    I have a daughter who is 19 months now. Of the time that he spends with her(which is not much anyway) he loses patience with her in no time and growls at her and screams. I think she has been so used to -to his voice since my pregnancy that she ignores it but when can't stand it anymore, then sobs. I usually pick her up and take her away from the scene when he is shouting at her. He is such an evil person that his treatment is so unbearably ill but whenever she is in a happy mood and he is holding around her , he talks to his friends and tells them as if he is an ideal father who just adores his child. He mocks the system and does so only to get alibi's for his good behaviour with his child. When his friends come, he takes her to them and is all full of fun as if he spends the best times with her. He actually shoves her away, when she is 'only being a child' and pushes her too, sometimes gives her a smack and then refuses to that he has actually hurt her. Never does he make plans around her..goes out whenever it pleases him, and never attends to her needs, but says to his friends that due to having a child, it should be understandable how many compromises parents have to make. He is sure that in the future, all his 'acting' will pay off when things will get sour enough for me to leave him. I want to leave him but this thought of having to allow him see my daughter is painful to me. The law only believes in proof. How can one give proof of a man's hypocricy, manipulation, crook acts and horrid lies?
    He has threatened me to hit me physically at some occasions-What would you suggest? Do I need to tell him that I have decided to leave him and then go? I am not working and I want to take all my belongings with me as starting afresh is going to be difficult. I am not working and have spent every last penny that I had saved as he doesnt give me a penny. It is only the child tax credit and benefit that i get for my daughter for our needso(He wanted to bag it too but I had to fight to get that even )..I don't know if he will be rough, or might hurt me or my baby..but since he doesn't have any history of violence then should I just do it? I am worried sick but now do not wish to stay and bear this ugliness anymore. I have refused to have physical contact with him for the last 3 times and that has aggravated his wrath more but he gives vent to it in different ways.
    The most unbelieveable thing is that he is enjoying his life to its fullest and denies that he is abnoxiously a sadist inflicting so much pain with his words, emotionally and verbally -not to speak of the financial abuse!!!!
    Please advise me.

    Navin - 08/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Navin,

      Thank you for coming forward to talk about this difficult situation. I'm really sorry that you are in an unhappy marriage.

      I'm glad that you are looking to leave and are thinking about your options. There is a lot of really helpful information on the Women's Aid website about how to leave as safely as possible. http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100310005

      I think it would be really helpful for you to get in touch with your local domestic violence service to get some support through these difficult times. You can find them on Google, or by contacting the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247. It may also be helpful to talk to the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 802 0008 around what would happen if you were to separate, and how much contact you would have to give to the child's father.

      Please remember that there are services out there that can help you in these difficult times.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 12/01/2014

  • Georgia

    08/01/2014

    Hi i saw saw one of your adverts and i have a question. I have a mate who's just litlle im in her tutor. Shes on about dieting and i was told her boyfriends saying she too fat and she has to slim or its over. Me and my bestie tryed to tall to her but she just egnores us i had a word with her friends and shes really upset in just an onlooker but what should i tell her or should i see him about leaving her allone help!

    Georgia - 08/01/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Georgia,

      Thank you for your message. I can hear that you are a caring person who has the best interest of their friend at heart. That’s great, as she needs people around her that will be supportive and not judge her. Which sounds exactly what you are doing.

      It seems that you have been able to talk to her about his behaviour in the past. If it comes up again you can let her know that you are there for her and that the way he is treating her isn’t normal, he is being emotionally abusive and that’s not ok.

      When we care about someone we can want him or her to end an abusive relationship quickly, as we don’t like to see him or her hurt. However ending it is something only your friend can do in her own time.

      Have you spoken to a trusted adult about your fears? If not maybe you could speak to a parent, teacher or trusted adult? If you don’t feel that this is appropriate let her know that you are there for her and there are places like this website and the domestic abuse helpline. She can contact (0808 2000 247) It is important that she has people to turn to that she can trust, and you are one of those people.

      You have done the right thing by speaking to her about the abuse.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 12/01/2014

  • Natalie

    08/01/2014

    I have been with my partner for 8 years and 4 of those years have been the hardest, since having our daughter. A lot has happened in terms of losing loved ones which made life stressful to say the least and resulted in my partner trying to self medicate with alcohol once his dad died.We've recently been through the scrutiny of social services because of the way our arguments have escalated and I have carried this shame for the past year because I used to pride myself on being a good mum if nothing else (I have an older child from a previous relationship)
    We are both seeking counselling because we want to be the people we used to be but it's so hard. He's mostly emotionally and verbally abusive towards me,very rarely physical. Not that that makes a difference because it's worse when he's nasty to me, but ordinarily he's a great dad, a brilliant partner works very hard and helps with the household chores. I just feel at my wits end, he's my best friend and this behaviour isn't who he truly is and I so desperately want things to get better. The counselling is definitely helping as things are improving, but every now and then he seems to go backwards and back in to his old ways and seems to lose control. I guess I wanted to share this because I want people to see the other side of this, when 'just getting out' isn't an option.I want to help him, and if we all walk away our problems will just be taken with them to another girl. Am I the only person that thinks we should be doing something to change their behaviour and this way of thinking? If your honest you leave as a last resort but you want things to just get better. I would happily spend the rest of my life with him provided he could learn to communicate his feelings in a more productive, less abusive a nd destructive way. Are there any domestic abuse groups kind of like an AA group local?

    Natalie - 08/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Natalie,

      Thank you for your message and sharing your story. I can hear how hard the last four years have been for you and how you have coped with a lot during this time. There is support out there for you and for your partner if that is what you are looking for. It’s brave of you to post here; you don’t have to cope on your own with what is happening.

      Your partner is being domestically abusive and this is something that he will have to address in himself, not just his behaviour but also the reasons for it. It sounds like you both want the relationship to succeed but his violence is standing in the way, and affecting your children’s lives too. You cannot change your partner, only he can choose to stop being abusive and take responsibility for his actions. What is happening is not your fault.

      You say you are having counselling at the moment, if you feel you would like some more support you can call the 24 hour domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Support for your partner is available, to access that support he can call the Respect helpline on 0808 802 40 40. Is it safe for you to suggest this to him? If so they are open weekdays 9-5.

      We also have a live chat available 5-7 weeknights.

      Take care,
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 12/01/2014

  • jackie

    08/01/2014

    great idea this sort of abuse is not talked about emotional abuse, broken bones and bruises go away but emotional abuse stays with you for a very long time its been 20 years since my boyfriend abused me and I suffered from low self esteem since

    jackie - 08/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Jackie

      Thanks for your comment and you are right the effects of abuse can be long lasting. I know your relationship was a long while ago but i was wondering if you had received any help about it or specifically to help with your low self esteem.

      If you called the National helpline on 0808 2000 247 they would be able to tell you about any local services in your area that might help. Also you could talk to your GP. You may have already sought help but its always good to ask again if things are not better. You deserve to be happy and feel good about yourself.

      I hope things improve

      Take care

      Linda

      This is Abuse team 08/01/2014

  • Dean Dicken

    08/01/2014

    How can I stop myself from hitting my ex who is trying 2 mess up my life?

    Dean Dicken - 08/01/2014

    Reply
    • Dean,

      I am glad you got in touch as I hope this shows that you do not want to hit your partner. There is no excuse for any kind of abuse and I want you to contact the respect phoneline as they will be able to listen to you and give you some advice.

      The Respect Phoneline is open:

      Monday - Friday 9am-5pm

      Call us on freephone 0808 802 4040 (free from landlines and most mobile phones).
      EMAIL US: info@respectphoneline.org.uk
      VISIT: http://www.respectphoneline.org.uk

      Please do contact them as soon as you can,
      Jo

      This is Abuse team 09/01/2014

  • Elfine

    08/01/2014

    I've just come out of a two year relationship and after seeing this I am shocked because of the amount of abuse I have been exposed to. Although never physical I now know just how bad and unhealthy the relationship has made me. I think this is a brilliant site because there are a lot of people that wouldn't have a clue that they were being abused unless it was physical. I'm happy to say I'm out of that dark place and I can already see my self confidence and happy self returning! This website is perfect. Thankyou!

    Elfine - 08/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Elfine

      Thanks for your message and feedback about the adverts. its a relief to hear that you are out of that relationship and getting back to your old self - I hope that continues!

      Take care

      Linda

      This is Abuse team 08/01/2014

  • Steph

    08/01/2014

    Wish I had something like this last year. My first real relationship and I was emotionally abused from the start, told what to wear, what friends I could meet, if I loved him I would do something I didn't want to do. If I had something like this I would have known what to do instead of letting it get so far that physical abuse started. My family and friends had no clue what was going on. The advert with the Hollyoaks actors explains exactly how it is, no one should ever be made to feel like that

    Steph - 08/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Steph,

      Thank you for your message and sharing your story with people reading the site. It sounds like you went through a lot without any support. That takes a lot of strength to cope.

      I’m pleased to hear you are no longer in the relationship, but wonder if you have had any support for what you went through? If not you can look on this website for support in your local area.

      www.womensaid.org.uk

      Thanks again for your message,

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 12/01/2014

  • becks

    08/01/2014

    i just wanted to say that this website is amazing, and I wish there was one up last year, but its amazing that its up now and hope it shows people that they don need to be in a relationship like that, so more and more people don't go through what I did. thank you, websites such a good idea :))

    becks - 08/01/2014

    Reply
  • hlj

    08/01/2014

    i spent two and a half years with a monster and i didnt even know.. he was nasty but i never saw it untill it got worse. he would accuse me of cheating when throughout the relationship i was 100% faithful. id wake up at 5am with my hair being pulled screaming in my ear, he was psychotic but i thought i could handle it. then it got worse, he was a sex addict in my eyes.. he would force it onto me and no matter how much i screamed, cried and kicked he would never stop until hes 'finished' .. then ill be told its okay its normal all boyfriends will do this.. i believed him because i couldnt speak to anyone, i was scared they'd think bad of him and i was young vulnerable and in love i didnt want people to know the side i had to put up with it. i finally got out the relationship where i was then followed around and new partner was mixed up in a fight with him because he couldnt take the fact id accepted what he does is wrong and i was no longer having it. id have threats, name-calling but i had to ignore it. i think i still love him but i dont know if its just where he's manipulated my mind... i was kind of in a bad way because of him! i need someone to talk to.. get it all out.. but i dont know what to do...

    hlj - 08/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi
      Thanks for your message. It sounds like you were in a very abusive relationship. It is understandable to feel like you might still love him, as love is a really strong emotion that we can't just turn off, but I am very glad you are no longer in that relationship as it was very unsafe and you deserve to be treated with love and respect.

      Rape is never ok and certainly not normal and not part of a healthy respectful relationship.

      I think it is really important that you talk to someone about what you have been through, there are lots of great services out there. If you google the area you live in and then 'domestic violence support services' you should find details of local services or support groups. Ypu can also search for services here: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=0001000100080006§ionTitle=Find+help+locally
      You can also talk to your GP about a referral to counselling.

      We also have a live chat here mon - fri from 5-7pm if you want to talk more to us.

      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team 12/01/2014

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Please read and accept these rules below before commenting. All of the comments you post on this website are treated confidentially and moderated.

Stay safe – don't include any personal information in your comments, such as your surname, email address, street address and phone number.

Don't include the personal details of anyone else in your posts (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers or group leaders).

Don't go off topic - keep your comments relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate. People want their opinions to be heard – don't shout them down.

Don't post crude, racist, offensive, violent or vulgar messages to the site.

Treat everyone with respect – even if someone has a different view to your own, don't let it get personal.

Don't glamorise illegal or dangerous activities, including violence of any kind. It's ok to talk about your experiences but you shouldn't encourage others to do anything illegal or dangerous.

Don't write anything that's untrue about anyone else (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers, group leaders and famous people). Don't write anything that could harm anyone else's reputation.

This isn't a dating site – it's a platform to talk about teenage relationship abuse and your opinions on the matter; don't use it to meet or flirt with other people.

Don't write everything in CAPS – it's the equivalent of shouting and isn't polite or easy for everyone to read.

Don't post entire messages in text speak – it's ok to shorten some words but not everyone understands text speak or finds it easy to read.

It's ok to post links to other websites as long as they're relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate and don't break the house rules in any way.

Don't break copyright rules. This means that you shouldn't post text you didn't write.