HAVE YOUR SAY

TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS

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• Anonymous

  04/07/2012

  i was in a relationship for 2 years and its only now out of the relationship that i can face what he did..i had blocked it all out with the times when are relationship was good and the times he said he loved me..he was soo understanding in the beginning i hadn't done anything really sexual before and didn't want to have sex as i was little scared (i wanted to wait for the right guy)..he understood or pretended to but as things went on he got "frustrated". He got mad every time i went to see my friend and tried to convince me that she was jealous and was trying to break us up so i stopped seeing my friends then he started to accuse me of cheating, of looking at other guys which was so irrational..we'd argue and it would always be my fault because i didn't love him enough because i was a bitch a dog because i wouldn't do anything with him..he started to add more and more pressure for us to do do more sexual things..and i sorta gave in i wanted to stop the fights and the arguments and i loved him so i let him touch me and finger me and id give him a bj..i thought that that would solve everything but it just made things worse he wanted to do it all the time then..anywhere..we'd go for walks and he'd drag me into the brushes and start kissing me and grabing me and id say no and push him away but he just told me to stop being weird and its just a bit of fun and i liked it like this..i just wanted it to stop i should have had the guts to push harder but i didn't..i thought that was love..he'd cuddle me and tell me he was sorry and that he knew i didn't want to..and i just said nothing..he moved over to england to school and to "keep the relationship alive" we would sext but that wasn't really good enough for him he wanted to see me..he said he couldn't remember what i looked like so id sent him a pic and then he'd want more he wanted naked photos..i said no...but he just got annoyed he had me right under his thumb i would have done anything for him cos he loved me..but it became more and more apparent that i was nothing more that his "sex buddy" he got whatever he wanted whether i wanted to or not..im not saying that there were times when i wanted to as much as him but not all the time and certainly not like that..i have never said anything about this to anyone because i feel really stupid and dirty..and my friends would just judge me so i've kept it quiet but i cant do it..i dunno what it was or if it was abuse..but i just needed to tell someone

  Anonymous - 04/07/2012

  Reply

• Amy

  02/07/2012

  Hi my names Amy i`ve been with my boyfriend for a few months and when i met him he was so nice but it was two weeks ago he began to calls me names and acused me of flirting with other men. Now hes talking about starting a family and getting married. I`m scared and to afraid to leave him.plz some help me with some advise

  Amy - 02/07/2012

  Reply

  • Hi Amy
    
    Staying in a relationship where you are being emotionally abused could cause you to lose your self-esteem and confidence. An abusive, violent or controlling relationship is not normal or acceptable; nobody needs to tolerate this behaviour.
    
    Ending a relationship can be difficult and upsetting but if you’re being abused it’s important for your long-term physical and mental health that you end the relationship.
    
    You may be worried about what your partner will say or do, so it’s really important that you talk to someone about what you’re planning to do and try not to end the relationship when you are on your own with your partner. You may want to keep a bag of things (like clothes and important documents) with a friend so that they are there if you need them. You can find more information on keeping safe in an unhealthy relationship here: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/47-keeping-safe-in-an-unhealthy-relationship.html
    
    You can also call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).
    
    Remember, you deserve to be safe and there is help and support available.
    

    04/07/2012

• lucy

  01/07/2012

  i am getting so confuse as i just spilt up my ex and he been forcing in me and make me bleed and people keep telling me go police as i dont know where to start as i wont report to police as i am to scare to lose my 2 boys as they didnt get hury only me as he did it and i still bleeding anit stop hope someone could help many thanks

  lucy - 01/07/2012

  Reply

  • Hi Lucy
    
    Being forced to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. If this has happened to you, try and find someone you trust to talk to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
    
    You can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
    
    If you do decide to talk to the police, most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted.
    

    02/07/2012

• Annoynomous

  27/06/2012

  I have been in a abusive relathionship and im telling you from a 17 year old girl that it is not right. My boyfriend doesn't do this all the time, it usually happens when we get into very intense arguements. Now being me i get angry like many people do when people say things to you to wind you up, when im pissed off id osscainlly push my boyfriend slighty, not with loads of force just a push because im pissed off. His reaction? We've had so many fights its unreal i can't even keep count. His gone so far each time, i get beaten up like im a boy. It usually starts with him grabbing my hair and pulling it so hard its falling out. His slammed my head up aganist a wall number of times knocking it repeativly at the wall, his kicked me to the ground and kicked me in my back, my stomach when i was also pregnant and punched me in my stomach. His give me in total 3 blackeyes and has repeatly smacked and punched me in my face before. This has happened alot of times. His also through things at me and smacked me with objects too. Each time after these insdenets would happen he would always be saying his sorry and sometimes he would be crying with me, We would make up. he says he don't want it to happen again but it does, I dont think he does it on purpose, he doesnt intentionally go out to smack me. The last time anything happened was properly one of the worse, this was about 3 weeks ago just a day before my 17th birthday. We had a very big arguement and i can admit i was being really a pain and did piss him off a lot. But this is not a exsuse, he grabbed my hair and ripped at it enough to force me out his door and throw me to the floor. he come at me and would kick me and that. I Have fight back alot of times but i cannot phyiscally do it to him, im to upset and shocked at what he is actually doing to me. Sometimes i blame myself because its like i cant leave a situtiaion. He says to me i love it and I do it on purpose because i want him to do it? But thats really the complete oppisite! His even threatherd me with a knife 3 times and one time had cut the back of my ear slighty, i never noticed or felt any sort of pain due to the fact i was hurting everywhere else, i then relised i was bleeding heavily from my ear. The shock was too much. We always make up and no matter what his done to me i cant seem to walk away. He winds me up all the time he makes me depressed, im constantly sad and crying when he is not bothering with me and ignorung me. There are some good times tho, and when we do get on its great! I Dont think he has meant to do all he has to me in the past, his even said to me he doesnt want to keep doing it. Im 17 and his 17 and were both been together for a year n half, i can honestly say i love him alot, its so hard for me to walk away fromthe only boy ive cared for. but im scared, what if it does get to the point one day when something seriously bad happens?

  Annoynomous - 27/06/2012

  Reply

  • Ending a relationship can be difficult and upsetting but if you’re being abused it’s important for your long-term physical and mental health that you end the relationship.
    
    You may be worried about what your partner will say or do, so it’s really important that you talk to someone about what you’re planning to do and try not to end the relationship when you are on your own with your partner. You may want to keep a bag of things (like clothes and important documents) with a friend so that they are there if you need them. You can find more information on keeping safe in an unhealthy relationship here: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/47-keeping-safe-in-an-unhealthy-relationship.html
    
    You can also call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).
    
    Remember, you deserve to be safe and there is help and support available.
    

    28/06/2012

• ZimbaZumba

  25/06/2012

  That a government program should suggest through its videos that it is only males you are abusive in realtionships I horrific. The complete and utter barefacedness in the way you go about this anti-maleness is breathtaking.

  ZimbaZumba - 25/06/2012

  Reply

• E.T.

  25/06/2012

  Im sorry, but i really need to get this out.
  3 years ago, we moved house. One of my dads freinds lived up the road at our new house, he had a son that must have been about 30 (my dad is 68). My dads freind and his family would often come over for things like tea and dinner. They all became very close family freinds- they were nice enough, the son was funny and good with me and my brother. I must have been about 11.
  The son, (which im now going to refer to as X) was often assined to be my brother and i's baby sitter. One time, my perents (and brother) had gone out to shop, X was left to look after me. I was spending my time makeing alterations to my tree house, when he came outside and asked if he could come up and take a look. I said 'sure' and so he did. He came up and complemented my work and started casualy chatting with me. He asked me what sort of games i played with my freinds. I told him we played alot of stuff like tag and cops and robbers (basicaly like the game 'it'). He asked me if i wanted to play Cops a Robbers, i said i was fine thanks (i didnt fancy the idea of playing tag with an adult) I said i was quite busy with work in my tree house. he told me 'sure' but then he said he new a better game we could play up there (by this time i was rather fustrated, i didnt really want to play a game with the guy, i just wanted to carry on with my stuff, but i still politely enquired.) He told me to pretend i was surrendering, and so half-heartedly i did.
  But then he grabbed my arms, he pinned me down and he got on top of me. I started really freaking out and he forced to kiss me. I tryed to scream but he held my head in his hands and pushed it against the floor. He told me to 'shut the **** up' and to calm down, he said that this was a 'game that adults played' he told me that it was a bad game and what i was doing was wrong and that if i said anything then i would be arrested because i was against the law. He called me words that i didnt understand and hurt me. He called me slut and said that he would brake my neak if i tryed anything. He took my cloths of and kissed me everyware. he put his hands were he shouldnt and made me touch him.. When he finished he threw my cloths at me, he said called me things i cant really repeat and said i better not say anything, because if the police found out theyd lock me up.
  I cryed afterwards and i avioded everybody, i threw my cloths away and had about 10 showers. I couldnt understand any of it, so i tried to ignore it.
  I thought it had finished, but i was wrong. a few months later, a similar situation arous. My family had left me on a lie in, so i didnt know what was happerning. He came up stairs, and i woke up because he grabed my hair and pulled me to on of our eves (a sort of attic on the side of our house) he took me inside and started doing what he did last time. I tierd to fight back, sor the frist few time, but after a while i gave in. After a while, when hed take me away, id just cry quitetly and let him. He called it 'copps and robbers' thats what he called it, the 'game'. After a while things got worse, he would put his penis in my mouth and push my head down till i was sick. If i was sick he would hit me, or suffocate me. After a few weeks, he started haveing sex with me. He was allways agressive and ther was blood almost every time, i didnt know why and it scared me so much.
  i felt so wrong not just because of the things he said, but because of the tings i felt. I was, belive it or not, a relitivly inoccent 11 year old and i didnt know anything much about sex, or what happerened in it. some, um.. nateral bodily functions made me think i was attauly enjoying it, like i was sick.
  sometimes he would tell me that i was a slut and should be ashamed, other times he would tell me i loved him and that i enjoyed what was happerning.
  after the first few weeks is stoped wanting to tell my mum, or dad, or police. i started beliveing him and i felt like there was no point in fighting.
  As a result of this, he raped me oraly, analy and um well 'normaly' (i dont know how to put that, sorry) for over a year. Until he had to move away.
  What makes me so angry is that if theyd educated kids in things like rape, then mabye i would have told. He took an awful lot from me which i cant get back. I have a boyfreind know, and ive hit him when he tryed to do stuff with me, its not his fault, i just cant do it without freaking out. I cant go out on my own, I burst into tears everytime someone shouts at me and ive been through things like self harm.
  If id known more about it, i wouldnt have let it distroy me so much.
  But now its to late, i cant tell anyone about X because to much time has passed. I dont know if hes doing it to other people either.. if he is, i hope one of them is stronger than i was..

  E.T. - 25/06/2012

  Reply

• AJ

  25/06/2012

  In December I was with my Boyfriend at the time, things great, we talked, went out and really got to know each other, we are in the same sixth form. Then about a few months into the relationship he started to get moody and was pushing me away. And out of no where he was back being himself. We went to mine, and we slept together and it was my first time. I loved him and he loved me so I thought, then less than a week later he dumps me. That me wrecked because he used me for this bet he had with his best mate, and I found out about this and I confronted his mate and asked why did he do that, he answer what that he didn't like me and it was the best way for my ex to break up with me was to sleep with me and dump. I'm with my new boyfriend now and i have been for 3 months now, and I feel like I cant trust any lad now because of that bet. I feel like that I can't talk to anyone.

  AJ - 25/06/2012

  Reply

• scared

  19/06/2012

  ok so im nearly 16 now and i feel really guilty and selfish that i cant get over these few things that happened to me 1. my best friend she was a new girl in school was really manipulative and was a friend but a bully at the same time and when we had sleepovers she always did sexual things with me but she told me its cus i was as lesbian and i liked it cus it turned me on ( i was only 12) so i was a bit confused by it all. 2. when i was 14 i stated seeing this guy he was 16 but i never thought he would hurt me so i went to his house ( he snuck me upstairs) then he fingered me which was fine with me but when he said he couldn't find a condom i was surprised as he never mentioned us having sex we weren't even official so i said it wasn't happening then he said he would make me want it and started touching me more violently so i told him to stop but he carried on and i scratched at his back but he said thats because i was enjoying it. then im not sure if he was just fingerd me really hard or whether he put it inside me (my eyes were closed) but it hurt and he kept saying things like i was 14 so i shouldn't still be a virgin then he made me touch him and give him head but before i did his phone went and he made me put my cloths back on and took me back into town i felt so dirty and cheep and a slut i hate myself for it and to think i met this guy when i was in fancy dress drunk on the streets at the age of 14 make me feel sick! 3. few months later with a group of friends we camped in a garden and when i was asleep i woke up in the middle of the night to find a guy i thought was a friend fingering me. i froze as i was scared and just tried to roll over pretending i was still asleep then i ran out the tent later on again feeling dirty! do all boys just want to touch me like that no one wants to love me or care for me. so now i have sleep problems i have insomnia and bad nightmares i think im making it up that this is all bad maybe im just being selfish and everyone else has had worser things happen to them!! i'm just a over dramatic slut and i don't deserve to be unhappy or live or even have a nice family who i just block out. i self harm and i hate that i do as everyone says only freeks do that but i can't help it! i did get drunk a lot maybe a litre bottle of vodka between two is that bad? i have suicidal thoughts often and massive mood swings including periods of time where i feel extremely happy and i do crazy stuff like run round my garden with no cloths lie in the middle of the street for the thrill and jump into rivers is there something wrong with me i've always been like this ahh no one even cares about all this but maybe i will feel better when i click submit! i have a counsellor at the moment as my mum just thinks i'm stressed about exams and depressed but i can't tell my counsellor anything i'm just stuck and will always be like this i hate myself and its all my fault.

  scared - 19/06/2012

  Reply

  • Thank you for your message. We are sorry to hear about these traumatic incidents from your past. We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.
    Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
    
    If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. You mention you can’t talk about this and the other things to your counsellor, but perhaps you could try a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
    
    If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
    You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
    Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
    If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
    
    
    You can also go to http://www.selfharm.org.uk/default.aspa where you can find out more about self-harm and get advice. The Samaritans may also be able to help, take a look at their website at http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ or email jo@samaritans.co.uk. You can also call the Samaritans helpline on 08457 909090.
    
    If you are still feeling depressed or suicidal, again try to find someone you trust to talk to. There are people who understand, and who can help you deal with the problems you are going through.
    
    Alternatively you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
    
    The Samaritans may also be able to help, take a look at their website at http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ or email jo@samaritans.co.uk. You can also call the Samaritans helpline on 08457 909090.
    
    
    

    This Is Abuse team - 26/06/2012

• Rhi

  18/06/2012

  I went to a party 6 months ago with my boyfriend. He was 15, I was 14 and we both said that we didn't want sex there because it wouldn't be romantic. Half way through the party we went outside and started to kiss but then he started to finger me really hard. I was telling him that I didn't like it but he then pushed me on the icy grass and was forcing his penis inside. I started screaming and crying hoping someone would hear me but they didnt. He said that if I didn't have sex with him I would destroy our relationship and he said i was being a selfish b*tch. He finally stopped and went back inside to the party. When I went home I couldn't stop shaking. I was freezing to the bone. He doesn't see it as rape, so I'm not sure now either. I feel scared to do things with boys, I am afraid that they are going to hit me even though I have never been hit. I don't really know what to do, my parents know about it but i don't know whether to tell anyone else and what would happen, please help?

  Rhi - 18/06/2012

  Reply

  • Hello Rhi
    Thank you for your message, I was sorry to read what happened to you.
    Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. Try talking to your parents again or find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. You can also talk to them about your concerns about being hit.
    If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
    You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
    Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
    You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
    

    This Is Abuse team - 26/06/2012

• BH

  07/06/2012

  About a year ago I was with a boy who was 3 years older than me, he was 15 and I was 13. He asked me to come to his and I was abit scared but then I met his family, they were very kind then connor (my boyfriend) asked me to go into his bedroom, I agreeded as his mum was in the room next door. Obviously that didn't matter to him, he tied me down and stripped me, I started screaming and crying so he tied duck tape over my mouth. I have asthma and it didn't help that I couldn't breath.. He put his hard penis inside of me making me bleed, I just sat and cried in pain. When he was done he made me suck his penis doing it so deep I was choking on my own puke. After he put my clothes back on as I could barely move I was in so much pain. I had dinner then went home, later that night he rang me and asked if I enjoyed it I broke up with him and blocked his number his facebook and his bbm. I never told anyone about this before until I met my boyfriend now, been 8 months we've been together for and I've told him but I've been so fridged to even snog him. I'm so afraid of everything now. Please can you help me?

  BH - 07/06/2012

  Reply

  • Hi,
    Thank you for your email. I was sorry to read about what you have been through.
    
    Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
    If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
    If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
    You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
    Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
    If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
    

    13/06/2012

• Amy

  29/05/2012

  I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 months now. I'm 18 and he's 24. So a bit older. The start of the relationship was fine, he was lovely and I was happy. But lately it's started to go downhill. We seem to be arguing all the time over little things. He has never hit me, but he calls me names and yells at me a lot and keeps telling me to leave him the f**k alone and that I am annoying and childish, just coz I want to have an opinion. He can't take my views on things, everything has to be about him. He's also said that if I keep acting like this I won't have a boyfriend anymore. He also blackmails me. I'm starting to get quite scared, that this is gonna get way out of hand sometime soon. I don't know if this is abuse, but it's really starting to worry me..

  Amy - 29/05/2012

  Reply

  • Hi Amy
    
    If you are suffering from emotional abuse, which can include someone putting you down, or calling you nasty names, trying to control you and stopping you doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do, try and find someone you trust to talk to.
    
    This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and you feel you can trust.
    
    If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
    
    If you are worried you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).
    
    

    30/05/2012

• Lauryn

  27/05/2012

  right, i'm 12 and my dad just pushed me accross the room, grabbed my shoulders really hard and shook me so hard i felt dizzy and couldnt see what was going on, then he grabbed me and held his fist out to my face but he didn't punch me. he hasn't done stuff like this before but i'm scared he's going to. Does that count as child abuse? please help xxx

  Lauryn - 27/05/2012

  Reply

  • Hi
    
    It would be best for you to speak to someone at ChildLine to get further advice. You can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
    

    28/05/2012

• BOY X

  27/05/2012

  i was in a relationship when i was 15 with someone the same age and one day when we where at my house my mum was out she asked me to take a tour round the house so i did and then 2 minutes later she asked where a was the night before and i said exactly where i was and she called me a liar and started to attack me she scratched my face and pushed me down the stairs she then kicked me in the face i was begging her to stop but she carried on hitting me she then grabbed a tyre spanner and struck me across me neck and i was then lying on floor with no feeling in my arms and legs she then left the house and i was lefy lying on the floor. over an hour later my mum returned and saw me crying in pain i told her what and said phone an ambulance. at the hospital doctors discover that she broke two vertebrae in my neck and i was unable to move for 5 months now ive got a steel plate and 15 screws holding my neck together, i even took this case to the police and she was eventually charged with Assault and she was found guilty and was given a two year sentence. I will admit to calling her names but i wasn't violent to her. since then i've recovered from injuries and i can walk properly again.

  BOY X - 27/05/2012

  Reply

• Ronnie

  26/05/2012

  so this was about a couple of years ago
  i just wanted to know what it was classed as because i'm really confused.
  
  so i was walking home with two friends of mine. i didn't really want to go through the park but it was the quickest way home my friends had told me. i tried to get them to come with me the other way around because i had a really bad feeling about it but they didn't really want to. i didn't want to walk home alone so i just went along with them. we were walking and we started to walk quickly but we did so because we were gossiping and having a laugh. one of my friends looked back and noticed a guy was following us. she started to run dropping her things without really alerting or explaining anything to us. shocked i started to pick up her things confused. my other friend started to run calling me and sreaming but as soon as i realised what was happening the guy just grabbed me and threw me on the floor. he pinned me down and did things that actually still make me cry and breakdown to this day. he did all the sexual movements required during sex but didn't really put it in. he put his fingers inside me and tried kissing me.
  
  i've blamed myself so much for what happened but im like only 5ft and im actually really small and undergrown for my age. i tried to fight him off but i couldn't. it killed me in that moment when i thought i was going to be ruined and the fact that my closest friends ran away and left me on my own. i screamed and yelled but no one heard till my friends ran onto the main road and called some guys to help. they chased after him. i got up and ran all the way home.
  when i got home i washed myself so many times but that dirty feeling didn't seem to go
  i felt like crap
  and i still do from time to time.
  The thing that makes it worse is that i see him from time to time in my area because he lives near me. i saw him once when i was family and he winked at me with the most disgusting smile i had ever seen. i saw him a couple times when i was alone and i've never been so scared. im not really the type of girl that really gets scared of things so it really showed something.
  
  i dont know what it classed as because he didn't really but his dick in me but what he did still made me sick and feel used. ugh. it makes me feel worthless and till this day it's the reason i've got very little confidence and why i've got trust issues and really dont let anyone get physically close to me :C help?

  Ronnie - 26/05/2012

  Reply

  • Hi Ronnie
    
    From what you’ve described, it sounds like you were the victim of sexual assault, which is a crime. You can read more about sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult
    
    A lot of people who have experienced abuse will blame themselves. However, the responsibility lies solely with the abuser, never with you. Talking about your experience may help you deal with what you’ve experienced. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
    
    Professional help is also available. You can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
    Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
    
    You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted.
    

    28/05/2012

• Char

  16/05/2012

  i have used this website before to explain my experience and it really helped, i now have the confidence to get councilling and i'm now having it once a week. Just over a year ago this boy who was 4 years older than me convinced me to meet him and he sexually assaulted me, the councilling is really helping but i keep having moments when i'm almost in tears and i'm shaking because i think i'm going to see him.. i'm worried hes going to hurt me, i've even resulted to smoking and drinking alcohol to relax me or to block it out ( i know its not the right thing to do but when i'm in that situation i just dont think straight), He lives in a big town with has a really good shopping centre and even going there i get really worried im going to see him even though he lives on the outskirts of this town and the shopping centre is in the middle. My boyfriend is being really supportive and so is my best friend but i just still cant get him out my head.. hes controlled my life enough already and i dont wanna let him continue to do it, i need some advice on what to do

  Char - 16/05/2012

  Reply

  • Hi Char,
    First all, know that seeking help to combat these feelings and going to a counsellor is a massive step and you've done really well already.
    If you haven't already, mention to your counselor about your shaky feelings and I'm sure that he/she will know how to help with it.
    I know it seems really difficult. I understand what you're going through; it happened four years ago and it still haunts me because I never got help for it. You did the right thing.
    You say you don't want to let him continue controlling you - he doesn't have to, and he can't anymore. You are strong. You have control of your life. Keep saying those things to yourself and remember that you have people around you who care.
    Emily x

    Emily - 18/05/2012