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This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse


Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships or ask a question to one of our trained advisors

If you've got something you'd like to talk about regarding any kind of relationship abuse, come and Have Your Say on our message board. And if you’re worried about anything to do with abuse, whether it’s in your own relationship or a friend’s, you can ask one of our trained experts for advice.

Have a read through the discussion boards, the chances are you'll be able to talk with someone who's gone through similar experiences to your own.

Seen the ads? What do you think?

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape


  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical


  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?


  • Emotional Abuse


  • Controlling Behaviour




  • Mandem On The Wall

    A trio of friends meet at the place they love to jam - The Wall. Tinie Winie has a new girlfriend and with advice from the Mandem crew learns how to treat her with respect. The trouble is he gets it wrong and ends up becoming someone he doesn't want to be....


  • Twist and Pulse

    Twist and Pulse visit George Mitchell school to perform their latest dance routine for the pupils and talk to them to see if they are in the know about relationships.


  • Charlie McDonnell

    Watch Charlie McDonnell’s video about Sex, and most importantly, about Consent.


  • Bedroom

    Is controlling who a partner sees or speaks to abuse?


  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it


  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it


  • Sam & Alice


  • If you could see yourself

    Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.


  • Zoe's story

    Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.


  • Party

    Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?


  • School

    Is bullying, controlling and putting a partner down abuse?


  • Takeaway

    Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?



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Results: 525 - 540 of 2044

  • Sian


    I was in an abusive relationship for 2 years started when I was 17 it was verbal and mental to begin with but after a couple months then it started being physical, financial and sexual abuse as a result I fell pregnant, I kept the baby but left him when he put my baby's life in danger before she was even born, I am now 20 and have a beautiful baby and I'm going through court proceedings to see if I can get him sent down for what he did to me,and I'm training to be a domestic abuse counsellor, 2 years ago no one recognised abuse in relationships everyone just ignored it, I'm just glad this is up to make people aware thank you.

    Sian - 06/01/2014

  • Danielle


    I really need your help, I think I'm really stressing out my partner, and I'm feeling I'm acting so horrible towards him, he's been acting so different to me, I think he's had enough of me always mardying or stressing at him, but I really want to change, I love him with all my heart, I've been in a abusive/physical bad relationship in the past and because I have trust issues I'm taking it out on him, please help:(

    Danielle - 05/01/2014

    • Hi Danielle,

      Thank you for getting in touch. It's really difficult to assess whether you are in an unhappy relationship, or whether you are using any forms of abuse against your partner.

      It might be helpful to take a look through the information on the following website;

      If you would like to talk in a bit more detail on what is happening then please do contact the Respect Phoneline on 0808 802 4040.

      Take care,


      This is Abuse team - 09/01/2014

  • fizzy


    I hv been married to a guy for 9 mnths I duno if anyone can help me.. iv bcme isolated I miscarried a mnth bak n he was busy at work n wen I sed I needed him he sd I cnt leave evrythn n drop it 4 u I was al alone.. he says im a slag and I cheat on him n how I do dirty things to other men including my work colleagues evryone hates him in my lyf but I jz cnt seem to leave every time I try he worms his way back in. I always do evrythng wrong he goes through my phone im scared to even wear sumin wrong or he will start with calling me names I can't fall aslp withot talking to him... I cant tel him stuff im to scared or he wil flip and jus abuse me mentally im not the same girl I used to be he says I alwys do wrong and I wont ever change that is not true I have never cheated ever I just need to leave I have tried making our marriage work I really have I dnt feel loved anymore he makes me feel little and says I sleep around and I am fat n ugly and no one would want me

    fizzy - 05/01/2014

    • Hi Fizzy
      Thank you for your message.
      I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage, that must have been devastating. Have you had any support to deal with how you feel?
      It certainly sounds like your husband is being very abusive, the way he treats you is unacceptable but I want you to understand that it is not your fault.
      You say everyone hates him being in your life? Does that mean that they know what has been going on? I am wondering if you have people you can talk to as that can really help.

      I think it is important for you to get some support and the best thing to do would be to ring the national helpline on 0808 200 247 (24 hours a day) as they can give you advice and also tell you about your options and local support services. Perhaps you can ring them from work?

      You do not deserve to be treated like this, but there are lots of people who can help you.

      I hope this helps
      take care

      This is Abuse team 07/01/2014

  • Abigayle


    I've decided after 7 years of verbal and mental abuse that enough is enough. I didn't realise there were so many of these a users out there! Most are saying the same things; checking phones, not wanting us to go places, not wanting us to look nice etc etc. my sons father smokes weed and has done for years according to his mother. Tells me he doesn't. I'm in my 40's and can honestly say I never thought I would have ended up with someone like I did as I was always against people that were controlling and spiteful towards their partners, yet here I am an intelligent woman who stayed with him due to embarrassment at being an abused woman... I always had an excuse for his behaviour - he's younger than me, he's ad a terrible upbringing, he's not had a father figure in his life, he's no job, etc, etc. I have worked hard all of my life to be able to buy a flat and a car. He lived with me until I couldn't take any more of his bad moods, shouting at me for nothing, blaming me for ruining his life! He was babysitting ny son in my house one day and found a diary dated 2007 and questioned me about a male name mentioned in it. I told him whatever I wrote has nothing to do with him as he should not have read this and I should not have kept things like that in my own home! That was last year and he texts me, appears at my sons school and mouths of about who his is? Saying I was cheating on him and I'm a terrible mother and things. He never does anything in front of people and makes out that I'm such a horrible, nasty person, not that that worries me because I know the truth. I just can't seem to get rid of this man. He says he loves m and will never love anyone again. Tells me he will forgive me. I've never done anything. Never cheated! He is ill at the moment and phoned me at midnight the other night to ask if he could come to mine incase he took an attack, knowing he only has a sister who works nights, I agreed. He came over and tarted telling me again that we were so good together, making plans for summer holidays. I told him there will never be us again, we are not a couple and he went mad shouting at me and saying how everybody fancies him and I don't realise this but I will when it's too late! Then went on again about this name in the diary. Months before h stole my phone and took a number I had called twice and said this was my boyfriend! He told me h is continuously calling this number and texting telling his person to leave m lone that he loves me and if he doesn't stop he's telling this persons wife! I have never told him who his is and his is what is annoying him more. Why should I have to explain who I speak to? I am sorry for the person he is calling because I am certainly not having any romantic liaison with this person. I contacted this professional person to ask if I could get a signature for my sons passport. Needless to say after agreeing to sign it, it never transpired. I had to go elsewhere for signature. Due to me owning my own home woul I be able to ask council for a home due to my harassment? I need to get away from my ex to somewhere he doesn't know where I live. Is this possible?

    Abigayle - 05/01/2014

    • Hi Abigayle,

      Thanks for getting in contact. It sounds like a really difficult time for you and I'm glad you're ready to access some help.

      As you have a property it is very unlikely that the Council would give you a property, they may encourage you to rent your property out and privately rent elsewhere. But there are some safety measures that you could put in place, such as take out a Non-Molestation Order against your ex-partner. More information on Non-Molestation Orders can be found here;

      Alternatively, if you felt unsafe in your property you could speak to your local housing office to see if the offer the Home Shelter/Sanctuary Scheme. This might include;

      reinforced exterior doors
      extra door and window locks
      reinforced double glazed windows
      laminated windows
      window grilles
      fire retardant letter boxes
      smoke detectors and fire safety equipment
      window alarms
      alarm systems that connect directly to the police or care control system

      However, if you get in contact with your local domestic violence service they will be able to talk you through your options and will be able to assist in having these measures put in to place. You can find your local service by contacting the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      As well as addressing your safety issues these services will also be able to support you emotionally, and may be able to offer a counseling service to address some of the issues the abusive relationship may have caused.

      Take care,


      This is Abuse team - 09/01/2014

  • Anonymous


    I don't know if I suffer from abuse but I would like to find out, I was In a relationship before where my partner would push me around and be very nasty to me so I have suffered my fair share of abuse but that was very straight forward I knew myself I needed out but in my current relationship am unsure because my partner makes me feel like he loves me one minute but the next I feel the opposite like he will be sitting talking to me not a problem but like in the same convo he might go silent and completely blank me and almost all the time he fights with me for taking my daughter to bed, if I lay in bed with her he will come and check what I am doing and tell me to leave her and go back down the stairs and If I say no he will start a fight with me ! Am I in the wrong or is he ??

    Anonymous - 05/01/2014

    • Dear Anonymous,

      Thanks for posting. I am sorry you have experienced abuse. It sounds as though your current partner is using some controlling behaviours and you are right to be concerned. Your partner has no right to tell you what to do or to make you feel bad for spending time with your daughter.

      You can talk your concerns through with an advisor on 0808 2000 247.

      Best Wishes,


      This is Abuse team 09/01/2014

  • Sarah


    I would just like to share a few experiences that I have had with different boyfriends that I considered emotionally & mentally abusive.

    If anyone that you are ever with who makes you feel stupid, inadequate, humiliate you in public, if they or critised your looks, disability, your interests, anything at all. If you have told them not to do something & they keep on doing it, break it off as soon as you can. Don't even wait to do it in person as they do not deserve your presence. Over the phone is suffice.

    If they say things like:
    "I wanted to see your reaction."
    "Now look what you made me do."
    "I used to strangle my partner."
    "If you do/don't do this, i will jump out of this window."


    The bottom line is that if you feel that something is wrong, then that is because it usually is (regardless of what other people think) Never stick around incase they change, because they won't. For your sanity, please do not make anymore time for people like this.

    You deserve only the best person for you because you are too precious.

    Sarah - 05/01/2014

  • shannon


    I met this guy online on a chat site and we started talking and boe we always talk we always talk on Facebook he's made me send pictures of myself in underwear. I thought o was the only one and that i was special but the i found out he's been doing the same thing to other girls I've contacted crime stoppers and they done seem to be doing anything about it i feel like nobody believed me and i don't want to tell my mum.

    shannon - 05/01/2014

    • Hi Shannon

      I understand why this has upset you and why you want to get some support. Well done for contacting crime stoppers. There are some other places you can try though who may be able to offer more specialist support:

      The links will give you lots of advice and you can also report this person to ceop, tell them he is doing it to lots of other girls as what he is doing is illegal if you are under 18, and is abusive regardless of your age.
      The sites also give support on how you can cope with what has happened and what to do if someone asks for a photo in the future.

      I hope this helps,
      take care

      This is Abuse team 07/01/2014

  • Unknown


    I don't know if anyone can help me clear up this question or not. I have been in a relationship with a guy I used to know at school for 7 years now. We have been through ups and downs over the years but seem to be in a particularly bad place at the moment. He's the only person who really understands me, we both have always got on really well with our siblings and often used to rough and tumble with them. This then led to us play fighting with one another (Never hurting one another though). A few months back my partner took it a step to far and upset me with it (not because he hurt me but because it didn't seem playful it seemed serious). I broke up with him for it but when we spoke properly he said he would never do it again and didn't mean for it to seem serious. It hasn't happened again since then until New Years Eve; we had an argument about a party we were supposed to be at with his family. The argument led to me saying I wouldn't go because I had been at work and couldn't be ready when he and his family wanted me to be (I must admit all the argument and was both of ours faults maybe mine more than his). We made up later in the evening and I went and joined him at the party but all night he kept tapping me in the same serious seeming way before and kept seeming like he was trying to be over powering. This then happened again when he came round a couple of days later. I have spoken to him about it and he says he was just messing about and that I took it too seriously. I don't know if this is something I should be worried about or not. I know if I ask him about it again he will get cross and annoyed so I can't talk to him about it. If you could give me any help on the matter I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

    Unknown - 05/01/2014

    • Hi
      Thanks for your message, it is good that you got in touch if you are concerned about your relationship.

      It is concerning that this has happened again since you made it very clear that you were unhappy and even broke up with him about it.
      It seems he is not listening to you or taking your feelings about this seriously which is not healthy or respectful. I am concerned that this is happening more often and think you are right to be concerned.

      Has he ever done anything in the past which has concerned you? This is a good list to have a look at:

      Can you talk to anyone else about this - friends or family? I know you say he is the only one who understands you, but he is not behaving in a very understanding way. You say you are close to your siblings? Maybe you can talk to them about how you are feeling? It can often help to talk things through and not deal with them alone.

      If you want to talk more, you can always come to our live chats every mon-fri from 5-7 pm.

      take care

      This is Abuse team 09/01/2014

  • Lorita okpoda eppiah


    Please I need help my boyfriend abuses me everyday

    Lorita okpoda eppiah - 05/01/2014

    • Lorita please get out of there, go to the police, get help asap, before he does something I would hate to say what. You will be protected and difficult as it may be to do such please you have to try. Good luck, be strong, you can do it!!

      k - 07/01/2014

    • Hi Lorita

      Thanks for your message. Lorita can you maybe post us back and explain a little bit more about what your boyfriend is doing she we can help you. If you don't feel able to do that try and call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247 as they will be able to talk to you about what you can do and also tell you about local services in your area that may be able to help you.

      The Women's Aid website on also has lots of useful informtaion on it which you may want to look at. I hope that helps as a start

      Take care

      This is Abuse team 07/01/2014

  • Sarah


    If your partner threatens to leave all the time and constantly does it shouting that he doesn't love you. Is that emotional abuse.
    My partner has done this constantly throughout are relationship threatening to take our child.
    Every time it is over silly arguments.
    He says he is leaving it's my fault and I don't love him anymore. This is not true as I have never said this. Every time he leaves I get really depressed and have been Counselling I but always take him back when he comes crawling back months later promising to never do it again. He has also left me for someone else and said he did it because he felt I didn't love him.
    He shouts at me , says it's my fault the relationship is over.
    I always persist at working at things and let him know I do love him until he walked out on me recently saying he doesn't love me again. This time I have been stronger and carried on with my life. He is now begging to come back .

    Sarah - 05/01/2014

    • Hi Sarah
      It sounds like things have been really difficult in your relationship and I am not surprised that you are depressed.

      You say that you have been to counselling before, is this something that you can access again? Your GP should be able to refer you. You can also access local specialist support services for people who have experienced abuse in relationships, this could be one to one or groups and I think that could really help you.

      To find out more contact the helpline on 0808 2000 247 - they can also help you with other options in terms of the relationship.

      It may also be useful to talk to Rights of Women who offer free legal advice and could advise about separation if that is what you want -
      020 7251 6577 - Mondays 7pm-9pm, Tuesdays 7pm-9pm, Wednesday 7pm-9pm, Thursday 7pm-9pm and Fridays 12noon-2pm

      It is really good that you are feeling stronger, hopefully with some support you can make some plans for the future and continue to feel strong and hopeful for the future,
      take care

      This is Abuse team 09/01/2014

  • Tay


    My boyfriend hits be when we argue I know this is wrong and it seems to be getting worse he's not mentally abusive and he doesn't do it at random just when we are arguing and he's angry and frustated I believe he got anger issues and he needs help I've talked to him about this and he's sincere when he says hr doesn't wanna be 'that' guy but he doesn't know what to do I've told him to count to ten and allsorts can I help him?

    Tay - 05/01/2014

    • Hello Tay

      Thanks for your message. It is obvious that you care for your partner and wish to see aspects of the relationship improve. However, it is not your responsibility to manage your partners behaviour. Even if the physical abuse is 'only when he is angry' it is still unacceptable.

      if your partner is committed to trying to stop being abusive towards you he could maybe contact Respect a national organisation that offers advice and support to perpetrators of abuse. Their website is and they also have a helpline on 0808 8024040 that would be happy to chat to him. Ultimately, he needs to be the one to take the step to access some help to change his behaviour and doing this would get him some expert help as well as demonstrating to you his commitment to improve this aspect of the relationship.

      It can be very isolating and confusing when in an abusive relationship and whether you decide to remain in the relationship or not it is important that you have some support yourself. Have you got family or friends you feel able to talk to and confide in? The National Helpline on 0808 2000247 is open 24 hours and will always offer you advice and support if you need it .I hope that you can both get the help you need and that things improve

      Take care


      This is Abuse team 08/01/2014

  • Sam


    Hi ..this is difficult to write. I'm embarassed to say that my own mother has been emotionally abusive towards myself and my brother for a long time. I'm 34 now and it has all come to a head last night...I seriously feel like I can't continue our relationship, treading on egg shells any more. This sounds ridiculous but she text today asking if I could get her a lottery ticket (I always do favours for her all the time) and I couldn't as I have a new baby, was clearing the christmas tree decorations down and my partner was at work. Anyway she went on to send a torrent of abusive messages to both me and my partner all afternoon....(I usually try to just pacify her and I work with mental health services myself so I understand how to talk to someone in distress/rage) anyway she really kicked off this time, she became more and more violent and threatened to smash my partners van windows...I didn't believe that she would actually go through with her threats but she did. We heard a bang outside and the neighbour informed us our van was smashed up. She has since been arrested and is now making threats to take my baby (7 months) off me ..she has told the police all sorts off stories..that we are unfit parents and that my partner is on heroin.....absolutely not true whatsoever!!! I can't believe she has gone this far ...even in custody being nice to the solicitor but giving the police a hard time, which the officer involved told me (that surely involves some messed up intent). I have always previously been there for her but I'm so angry now...she is trying to ruin my life. I am trying my best to deal with how I am going to get to terms with cutting her out completely as I can't take this anymore ...I don;t know what to do next?? This is a genuine post. Please help!!

    Sam - 05/01/2014

    • Hi Sam,

      Thanks for getting in contact with us. It sounds like a really difficult time for you and your partner, and I'm really glad you're reaching out to access support.

      I would like to highlight that domestic abuse can happen in any close relationship, it does not have to be a sexual relationship. The relationship with your mother would fall in to this category.

      There are options available for you, such as Non-Molestation Orders if you do not wish for her to contact you. Information on this can be found here;

      I think it would be really helpful to get in contact with your local domestic abuse service who will be able to offer you practical and emotional support around your current situation. They will be able to talk you through all your options at the moment. You will be able to find contact details for your local service on your local council's website, google or by contacting the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,


      This is Abuse team - 09/01/2014

  • Shelby


    As a child, my father would usually beat up my mother mostly every night until one night he got sent to jail for that. I still miss him,. I just need someone to talk to as my daddy was my hero at one point and I told him everything. Now im not even aloud to see him as I am only 13 years old also my mother doesnt like me sending him letters constantly as she wants nothing to do with him also incase he upsets me or something. I totally understand that but I just need someone to help me out and help me get through it as recently ive been cutting/slitting my wrists cause I miss him that much.. He doesnt ever reply to my letters, I wonder if he's still there..

    Shelby - 05/01/2014

    • Dear Shelby,

      Thank you for posting. I am really sorry that things are so tough for you right now. It must be very confusing and upsetting missing your father and knowing that he has been abusive.

      It sounds as though some specialist support would be helpful for you. Is there a trusted adult you can talk to? Perhaps a school counsellor? A good place to start would be contacting a counsellor at Childline on 0800 1111.

      You mention that you have sometimes cut yourself and there is some useful information about self harm here

      Talking about what is happening for you could really help.

      Take Care Shelby,


      This is Abuse team 09/01/2014

  • rachel


    2 years ago I was in an abusive relationship where my boyfriend wouldn't let me have any male friends, checked my messages constantly and eventually prevented me from going places even with friends because he thought I was going to get with other people. He used to flirt with people infront of me to make me feel worthless and constantly put me down by saying things he knew I was insecure about. When I realised I had slowly lost the majority of my friends and was starting to loose my family because of what he was doing I ended the relationship even after he physically threatened my friends who he believed were the cause of the break up. After all this time I still can't be in a healthy relationship because of how badly I've been hurt from this relationship. I've met some great guys who have been so sweet and trustworthy but I can't bring myself to fully put my trust in them because I'm so fearful of them turning out like my last relationship. I don't know what I can do to stop thinking like this...

    rachel - 05/01/2014

    • Hi Rachel

      Thanks for your message. I am really pleased that you are no longer in that abusive relationship.
      However, it can take a long time to move on and learn to trust people again, so what you are feeling is totally normal.
      Have you been able to get back in touch with your friends and family and talk to them about what has happened? Sometimes a great first step is to start talking about it. But I think it is also useful to get some other support from specialist organisations and there are lots out there.
      I am not sure where you live, but if you google the name of your area and 'domestic abuse support services' it should come up with some info. There should be a local women's aid or refuge who often run support groups for people to go and meet others who have been in similar relationships.
      Sometimes they are called 'freedom programme' or 'community groups' or 'recovery from abuse' etc

      You can also ring the national helpline on 0808 2000 247 as they should have the details you need.
      If you want us to find one for you then you could come to our live chat service and we can look it up for you (every day between 5-7pm mon-fri)

      Not all relationships are abusive, in fact it is the minority of men who are abusive, so you will meet other guys who will treat you with love and respect, but it is important for you to recover from the past relationship so you can move on,

      I hope this helps,
      take care

      This is Abuse team - 07/01/2014

  • Aaron


    When you think of abuse, it's easy to get an image of a guy hurting his girlfriend, but I have learnt first hand that abuse happens, even without realising you are being abused. My girlfriend used to verbally abuse me all the time, explosive anger that would come from nowhere, putting me down all the time. I always thought nothing of it until one day my best friend heard the way she spoke to me on the phone and he started to get worried for me. He began talking to me about her and woke me up out of this nightmare. He made me realise what she was doing was wrong. After talking to her about it she promised she would change, and I believed her time and time again. One day she had put me down so much I grabbed a knife and I was going to cut myself. I stopped, looked in the mirror and thought, "what the f*** am I doing??" I stopped. I am now very happy to say I am single and much better off, I have no idea what life would still be like if it wasn't for my best friend and it's him I have to thank. So if you suspect a friend is being abused, don't sit back and let it happen, wake them up to it, it's not normal and really isn't okay. I'm only 19 and have my whole life ahead of me, I have so much more fun now, I'm allowed to see my friends and family, I don't have to put up with bein abised anymore. Stand up and be a true friend. Don't let abuse happen.

    Aaron - 05/01/2014

    • Hello Aaron

      Thanks for contacting us and being able to share a bit about what happened to you. Its so good to know you had such a supportive friend who could help you whilst your were is this very abusive relationship. Support from friends and family can be crucially important and I am sure other people will consider this after reading your message.

      I am glad life has improved now

      Take care

      This is Abuse team 07/01/2014

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Results: 525 - 540 of 2044

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