This website works best using cookies, which are currently enabled. To find out more about cookies and for information on how to turn them off, click here.
This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse


Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships

If you've got something you'd like to talk about regarding any kind of relationship abuse, come and Have Your Say on our message board.

Have a read through the discussion boards, the chances are you'll be able to talk with someone who's gone through similar experiences to your own.

Seen the ads? What do you think?


If you've got something to say about abuse in relationships then you'll need to accept our terms before you can take part - please see our rules on the right side of the page. You can then enter your comments below or under any video you want to talk about.

  • This is so we can email you to let you know if there's been any replies to your message. Your email address will never be shown or passed on to anyone.
  • I wish to opt out of notification emails

Pages << < 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 > >>

Results: 435 - 450 of 2095

  • Ellie


    I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now . Everything was great at the start but as the months have gone past things got bad and he started being protective about me going out to parties with my friends and what I wear. He would always pick me up early and that would be the compromise that I could go . Then he started getting annoyed about me seeing friends because he didn't trust them and would constantly tell me how much he hated my friends. One day I decised I was fed up of the relationship and tried to end it, he followed me home in his car and finally got out and ripped my bag out my hand and started screaming in my face to get in the car, I was scared and intimidated by him and punched him in face and tried to run. He grabbed me and kept shouting for me to get in the car. I finally got in the car to then start have him start saying horrible things to me so I punched him again but this time he hit back. This is just one of the fights we've had but recently things have got better but I'm still being controlled and intimidated by him. I find it to hard to leave and feel like I can't turn for help as I may be just as bad for hitting him and saying horrible things too.

    Ellie - 19/01/2014

    • Hi Ellie,

      Thank you for your message. You have been brave to post here and I can assure you that you are not behaving in a way that is ‘just as bad’ and what your boyfriend is doing is abusive. You deserve some support for what is happening in your life.You deserve to to be treated with love and respect by a partner, not be intimidated and abused.

      It sounds like your boyfriend is controlling as well as emotionally and physically abusive and you are frightened of him. While hitting someone is not ok, fighting back to protect yourself does not make you the abusive partner. You say you are finding it hard to leave him and that you don’t feel like you can ask for help, but what is happening is not your fault and you deserve some support.

      Do you have anyone you could talk to about this, friends, family or a trusted adult? I would encourage you to call the 24 -hour domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247. You can speak to them about how you are feeling and what options you could take. You might also want to look on this website for more information about domestic abuse in relationships.

      You can also come to our live chat if you want to which we run every Mon- Fri from 5-7pm to talk more.

      Take care,

      This is Abuse team 21/01/2014

  • Irma


    Hello, well I just want to share my sad experience.
    I was in a relationship with ten years older guy. In the beginning he was nice and sweet with me, I fall in love with him completely, I was trying to do anything he was asking me to. After some time he starter checking my phone, keep telling me don't talk with this girl or guy, don't go to town. Even if I was going to shop I had to ask his permission and always keep my head down while on the way. He didn't even let me to go and visit my own sister. I didn't had right to say a word in my relationship, but if I say something to him he was getting so aggressive and beating me, and after blaming me that it's my fault he did that...
    I was %100 under his control in every way, day or night.... And the worst part of it, I was so in love with him, I couldn't see that...
    Now I'm trying to get my life back as I finally broke up with him couple of months ago.
    Anyone who's reading this, please be very careful who u sharing ur life with, u never know who peaple can hurt u in every way..
    Thank u.

    Irma - 19/01/2014

    • Hi Irma

      Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry to hear about the abuse that you suffered. It is good to know that you are no longer in that relationship but I just want to check that you are now safe? Have you told anyone what happened? Have you been in touch with any support services? Even though you are no longer with him, it is important to keep safe.

      You can ring the helpline anytime - 0808 2000 247 and there is some safety advice here:

      Take care

      This is Abuse team - 19/01/2014

  • Lauren


    I was a victim of abuse for 2 years and never realised. I got into a relationship when I was 14 with someone 4 years older than me everything started out fine he was nice then things turned. He would constantly check my phone and tell me not to text certain people tell me not to hang around with certain friend and push me away from my family. I had to ask him permission to go anywhere but he went out all the time. I found out he cheated and when I confronted him he went mad with me and made me feel bad for accusing him, and made me make it up to him. He started calling me horrible names like ugly fat told me I needed to lose weight wear more make up and dress more revealing clothes and if I didn't he would find someone better looking. He used to make me send pics of myself and if i didn't want to he said well if you love me you would so I felt I had to. He then started drinking a lot and taking drugs and blamed me for him taking them, he then started to get violent and threaten me and my family and use the fact that I self harm against me and made me feel low. I wanted to get out of the relationship but he said he would kill himself and I loved him too much. Thanks to this website and women's aid I realised it was abuse and finally ended the relationship after 2 years.

    Lauren - 19/01/2014

    • Hi Lauren

      Thank you for sharing your story. We are really pleased that you were able to get the support you needed to leave that very abusive relationship. It is great that this website helped and that women's aid have been supporting you - are they still helping you? I just want to make sure that you feel safe now? You can ring the national helpline anytime if you need more advice - 0808 2000 247,

      take care and good luck for the future,

      This is Abuse team - 19/01/2014

  • Laur


    hi im 13 and i think im in an abusive relationship because my bf (who is 14) keeps asking me to do things and other stuff like
    One time i went over his house and his parents were out for the day and well we ended up kissing and hugging like we do but then he put his hand up the back of my shirt and undid my bra. i said stop but he pulled it off then he started feeling .......and I just let him because i didnt know what to do
    i haven't told anyone because he says he'll tell people if I do and now he makes me do things with him every weekend what do I do

    Laur - 19/01/2014

    • Hi Laur
      I am really glad you got in touch, what your boyfriend is doing is very abusive and very serious. I understand why you are upset and scared.

      As you are 13, you are too young to be able to consent to sex and so by forcing you, he is breaking the law. The most important thing now is keeping you safe.

      Have you been able to tell anyone about this? I know it is scary, and he has told you not to tell anyone but it is important that people know so that they can help you and make this stop.

      Would you be able to tell an adult? Perhaps someone in your family or someone at school (a teacher, school nurse etc)? They will be able to help. It is very important that you do not try and deal with this alone.

      You can also ring childline on 0800 1111 to speak to someone about this. They will listen and help you, and will not judge you, none of this is your fault and you are being really brave in reaching out for help.

      If you want to talk to us more, we have a live chat session every mon-fri from 5-7pm, we can talk this through together.

      I hope this helps Laur, please do talk to someone, you do not have to cope on your own,
      take care

      This is Abuse team - 20/01/2014

  • natalie


    am in a 2 year relationship and for the past 8 months my boyfriend has become very quick to anger. He will call me names when he is angry and will blame me for everything that goes wrong in his life. I will try to leave and he will charm me and be amazing for a few days, then instantly he will switch and it will be him reducing me to tears. He tells me everyone hates me and thinks I am a rubbish person basically. I am questioned about everything but yet if I ask him anything he snaps at me and says I am posessive and suffocating him. He will let me sit there crying my eyes out and will say nothing then will leave and go to the pub. He drinks a lot. I recently tried to commit suicide and now when he is mad he will laugh at me and say things like " what will the attention seeking be tonight. Pills? A knife? ". I love him and feel like I can make this work. Perhaps it is my fault as I am often in tears and must be a horrible person to be around and deal with

    natalie - 19/01/2014

    • Hi Natalie, thanks for you comment. The behaviour of you partner is not your fault. I'm really concerned to hear that you have recently tried to commit suicide. The is a really good site that called Papyrus that can offer a lot of information. You can contact them on
      0800 068 41 41 or via email
      SMS: 07786 209697.

      It sounds as though your boyfriend is being very emotionally abusive towards you and it is understandable that you are feeling this way. Have you spoken to anyone about this? It might be helpful for you to speak to someone, you could contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247 who would be able to give you advice and inform you of local services. We also have live chat available from Monday - Friday 5-7pm.

      Take care Sarah

      This is Abuse team - 19/01/2014

  • Courtney


    It is not always men who abuse. Yes it is more common, but not always. I think Mtv should do a male abuse advert, as it may seem unreasonable that a girl could abuse a boy, my close friend went through it with his girlfriend and would want the subject enlightened

    Courtney - 18/01/2014

    • Hi Courtney,

      Thanks for getting in touch. We do acknowledge that men can experience domestic abuse, and although this campaign is focusing on men abusing women we are taking in to consideration feedback for future campaigns.

      If your friend would like some information or support around experiencing abuse then he can contact the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327.

      Take care,


      This is Abuse team - 19/01/2014

  • Joe Oswell


    Look. EVERY advert on this site features the abuse of women by men. This is the context in which the majority of people picture domestic abuse. They see the Male as the perpetrator and the Female as the victim.

    This sort of attitude ignores up to half of all abuse suffered in the world.

    The problem is that this site doesn't seem to want to acknowledge that at least some abuse negatively affects men. In doing so, it leaves every single male who has ever suffered abuse at a loss as to what to do. It fosters the idea in many young men that they can't have actually been abused, because only women suffer from domestic abuse.

    This attitude leaves up to half of all domestic abuse victims tilting in the wind. Male victims of abuse, just as female victims do, often believe that they aren't suffering from an abusive relationship, or that they deserve the abuse. If you don't reach out to them, they will never realise.

    We shouldn't let this stay this way, it's a really bad issue.

    I believe that this resource is incredibly helpful to those females who have suffered abuse. But the lack of help for males is frankly astounding.

    Please, please consider how you address, if at all, the abuse of males.

    Joe Oswell - 18/01/2014

    • Hi Joe,

      Thank you very much for your comment. As it has been highlighted throughout this campaign, we do acknowledge that men experience domestic abuse from female and male partners. We have chosen to highlight females as victims in this campaign but are taking in to consideration feedback around the campaign appearing sexist.

      With regards to your comment around there being no acknowledgement to male victims at all I will have to disagree. There have been many men who have left comments on their experiences of violence or abuse from their partners and they have been treated in exactly the same way as female victims coming forward. They have been signposted to appropriate services and given information on their rights and options.

      It's really helpful to receive feedback on the campaign and all feedback will be relayed to the Home Office.

      If you feel that you would like to talk to a professional around experiencing violence or abuse then please do contact the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327, a helpline dedicated to offering support for male victims of domestic abuse.

      Take care,


      This is Abuse team - 19/01/2014

  • Becky


    It's gradual..... starts off perfect! You can't believe your luck! Someone who loves me warts and all....... you help each other out and it's mutual.
    Next thing you know... for the past few weeks months years you've been avoiding people,family, friend because of your partners possible comments, tuts at making arrangements. Not joining you on outings in a stand off to make a point. (Not being home when you get back).
    Making life awkward (you, not being yourself). Worrying about spending time together.
    After taking all my help mentally and financially... tells me he contributes more and he'd be better off without me! (He has more going for him, although I was the one who helped him get there).
    You start to question yourself.... more and more. Putting yourself down without any additional influence from him..... in hope that things will return to the good old days.
    Words of advice are look after yourself first, others after.
    If they tell you not to relay/repeat to family or anyone..... just do the opposite of what they tell you because it shows true colours. (They don't want anyone to know because deep down they know what they're saying is wrong).
    Be careful retaliation isn't good either.

    Becky - 18/01/2014

    • Becky, you are so right. And retalliation is not good either. I stood up to my ex towards the end and it made things so much worse. But tht's just it, they count on you wanting an easy life, on not wanting confrontation.
      I am so glad it's over but still live in fear I may see him. I hope people reading this page take strength in the survivors. Get out as early as you can, listen to your gut feelings - it's your soul telling you something is wrong.

      Caitlin - 19/01/2014

  • Anonymous


    I'm unsure as to whether or not I'm in an abusive relationship. My partner keeps doing little things like pressuring me into spending my money (especially on him), he sometimes shouts at me for crying and tells me i cant even though i sometimes get really upset due to problems at home. He has left me for another woman in the past and has done small things since we got back together which have really tested my trust for him and he'll accuse me of starting arguments or making things up whenever i try and confront him about it. He often blocks the doorway whenever i try to leave his house during an argument and today he put his hand in a fist and went to hit me before realising what he was doing. He told me that he wasn't actually going to hit me he just wanted to scare me to shut me up and he later told me that he feels angry all the time. We've been together over 3 years and we're very young (19.) Is any of this normal?

    Anonymous - 18/01/2014

    • Hi,

      Thank for getting in contact. It sounds like you're in a really unhappy relationship. Your partner sounds very controlling, and has done some things which must have made you feel very scared of him. Blocking you in the property and making a fist at you must have been scary.

      Have you talked to anybody about what has been happening? I think it is always helpful to have an outside perspective because it may be happening to you gradually or you may not be able to see too clearly what is going on.

      You can talk to the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247 about what you have experienced and what you would like to do next.

      There are lots of options available to you, but they are all your choices. Nobody is going to make you leave him, but they will work with you to ensure that you are as safe as possible. It might be helpful to contact your local domestic abuse service to see what support they can offer you. You can find these on Google.

      It's really important to keep in mind that you know there is a problem in your relationship, and that is what has brought you forward to this site. Your partner's behaviour is not acceptable and it is scaring you. That is not a healthy relationship.

      Take care,


      This is Abuse team - 19/01/2014

  • Lindsay Dorans


    Hi, I just have a few queries about the advert for this?
    I realise it's all for a good cause. However, if I were I male watching the advert I would fell that it would not apply to me as it is very one-sided.
    It's repeated that it's a woman receiving the abuse, man can suffer from abuse too! I feel that the advert should be changed in some way to make people more aware of this and be a bit less stereo typical. It's a tough thing for a man to be honest and admit that he may be frightened, vulnerable and scared.
    Just a thought from a concerned viewer.

    Lindsay Dorans - 17/01/2014

    • Hi Lindsay,

      Thank you for your comment. We are aware that men can also be victims of violence and abuse from women. We are also aware that domestic abuse is extremely common in same sex relationships. Although we have chosen to focus on male perpetrators and female victims during this campaign we are taking in to consideration the feedback we have received for future campaigns.

      There are support services out there for men, including the Men's Advice Line, a national helpline offering advice and support for men. Their number is 0808 801 0327 and they have a very helpful website,

      Take care,


      This is Abuse team - 19/01/2014

  • Lucas


    This is a really good campaign, but it does take a regrettably biased view of the whole situation. I'm a former victim of physical abuse by my ex-girlfriend. In that scenario, I left the relationship because I had already experienced emotional and physical abuse from my father as a lad. Looking at it from another perspective though, my ex-girlfriend was also a heavy drinker and took drugs whenever she was drunk. This terrified me, but I've never really been one for confrontation and just kept pretending it wasn't happening. This campaign seems to imply that me saying nothing was the correct choice and that nobody can ever be wrong or do stupid things. If I went out and got smashed and took drugs, I'd be unsurprised if a friend stepped in and said, "You have to stop doing what you're doing". I'd almost expect it. Would that make him abusive? If my ex-girlfriend's friends told her to sort it out instead of me, would that make them abusive friends?

    Ultimately, I just wonder what the best course of action is if someone is genuinely taking serious risks and the partner of that person has been conditioned into never speaking up about anything. What would someone do in that case? The only reason I left the relationship was because she punched me while drunk, but had that not happened, I would have stayed probably. Even now I worry about her but I've had to cut contact for the past 8 months.

    By the way, I don't mean to be a contrarian, but I believe there are situations when addressing a partner's behaviour is very much called for (and I say that as a victim). It's not always as black and white as jealous and controlling behaviour. Should you just leave instead of trying to talk it out?

    Lucas - 17/01/2014

    • Hi Lucas,

      Thank you for getting in touch. It must have been a really difficult time for you.

      Thank you for letting us know that you feel the adverts are bias, all comments around this will be taken in to consideration when looking at future campaigns.

      Secondly, it's really important to understand that there is no excuse for violence or abuse, this includes alcohol and substance use. I'm sure your ex-partner wasn't violent or aggressive to her friends, family or strangers whilst under the influence, which would suggest that she still had some level of control over what was going on.

      It is understandable to ask your partner why they are behaving the way she did, and a lot of people in that situation try to persuade or encourage their partner to access some kind of help or support. The difficulty is that it has to be their decision to change.

      It is difficult to talk about your experiences, but if you would like to talk to a professional about what you have experienced then you can contact the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327.

      Take care,


      This is Abuse team - 19/01/2014

  • James


    I believe that I may be suffering from emotional/psychological abuse by my ex-parrner, we met in 2007, while I was married to my 2nd wife, our marriage broke down after the death of our eldest Son, he was 4 & half & passed away following a Very short illness. I met my 2nd wife 3 years later & within a year were married & have 2 beautiful daughters together, unfortunately my wife suffered severe PND & this led to the breakdown of our relationship, with severe consequences, my 2nd wife took a massive overdose and never recovered.
    My ex-parrner & I have a 5 & half year old daughter and for almost 6years I considered we had a Very strong relationship, however with 2 such large events in my life in a shortish time frame this left me with some mental health issues. While my ex-parrner & I were together I had 2 nervous breakdowns and was admitted to the local mental health unit. I was also diagnosed with arthritis of the lower spine in 2007. Now my ex-parrner decided that she needed some "space" in November 2012 & moved from our home into rented accommodation less than 1/2 a mile away. During the whole of December 2012 & January of 2013 my ex-parrner & daughter were very regular visitors to our home & we were sleeping together & although living apart we were acting as a couple, I thought that we were rebuilding our relationship. I found out in March of 2013 that my ex-partner was in actual fact creating various stories and possibly seeing someone else. In April she took our daughter & did a "moonlight" move to the next county along without my knowledge, this is when I began legal action to have contact with our daughter. This she has made very difficult to the point where I've considered just giving in & letting them alone. In July of 2013 she had me arrested for alleged stalking, this is still being investigated, she has told me, via solicitor whom I can & cannot contact, limits contact between my daughter & myself to 2 hours twice a month, she will also not allow my other 2 daughters contact with their sister, I am told by friends and my Son that she posts derogatory things on a well known social networking site & has various members of my Family as "friends". It appears that there is a rule for her & a Very different one for myself, this I find very upsetting and distressing, could anyone advise me if this would be classed as emotional / psychological abuse and what if anything I can do about it? I apologise for the length of the comment but I think you may agree that it is valuable background information... Please advise.....

    James - 17/01/2014

    • Hi James,

      It sounds like a very difficult time for you. Unfortunately, from the information you have given here it doesn't sound like your partner has acted in a controlling or abusive manner. It seems like there has been an unhappy breakdown in your relationship. From what you have said it sounds like your partner wanted to separate with you, but did not talk to you openly and honestly about it.

      I am also concerned that the Police have been involved around stalking. I, like I'm sure your solicitors are, would advise you to have no other contact with her other than through legal professionals at the moment.

      I think it might be helpful for you to contact the Men's Advice Line who will be able to talk to you a little bit more about your situation and unpick what has happened. Their telephone number is 0808 801 0327 and they are open Monday-Friday 9am-5pm.

      Take care,


      This is Abuse team - 19/01/2014

  • Rosanna


    I never thought I would end up in an abuse relationship and I thought if I ever was I could walk away, it can happen to ANYONE. It is very easy to go into denile when being abuses. My ex was a drug addict who would steal my medication from me that I needed, threaten to hit me and call me such horrible things. If I ever tried to leave he would say he can't get by without me and manipulate me. All I can say is it is not your fault. Nobody deserves it and only they can change themselves.

    Rosanna - 17/01/2014

  • annyomonus


    I have 2 children to my ex he was very violent with me before and after I was pregnant he got arrested I went I dropped the charges and got probation an a fine, I went bak to him I was stupid to I finally got out of the realtionship 6 yrs ago and he comes and goes to see the children now he says he wants to take me to court to get custody, he is threatening me by message that he will f*** me and my mum I really don't know what to do as I know what he is capable of from past history

    annyomonus - 17/01/2014

    • Hi,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like a scary situation to be in. If he is harassing you at the moment, then you might consider taking out a Non-Molestation Order against him. You can find out information on these orders on the Women's Aid website by following this link§ionTitle=Getting+an+injunction

      If he has had very little contact with the children, or at least not regular contact with them then it is unlikely that a court would give him equal joint custody. But it might be helpful to contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 802 0008. They offer free legal advice, and could talk you through your options regarding contact and a case if it were to go to court.

      Finally, I think it would be really helpful to tie in with your local women's service whilst this is going on. It will be helpful for you to have some extra support. You can find your local service by contacting the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Please note, if you ever feel scared or threatened then you should always call the police. If he has been involved with them before because of abuse towards you they will be extremely supportive if he has started being abusive again.

      Take care,


      This is Abuse team - 19/01/2014

  • Anon


    well I have been with this boy for about 6 months now and I fell pregnant to him at the start I was just seeing him then as soon as I told him he asked me to go with him so I did but am staring to think was it the wrong idea to be going out with him in the first place, as soon as we became boyfriend and girlfriend he started to change he would of got angry at me for being out with my friends once a week when I would of spend the rest of the week with him and he would ask me about 20 questions who am with? Where am I? Who dose my friends hang around with? And sometimes he would get angry at me for texting my friends who I have been friends with before I even met him and then takes his moods out on me if someone made him angry and my friends are always telling me to finish him but I feel as if I can't because I am pregnant to him. What will I do?

    Anon - 17/01/2014

    • Hi,

      Thanks for getting in contact, it must be a really difficult time for you, especially whilst being pregnant.

      Firstly, I would like to highlight that midwives have a duty to ask if you are experiencing any abuse during your visits to them, and they have to see you on your own at least once during the pregnancy, so this might be a good time to tell the about your partner's controlling behaviour.

      It seems like his behaviour is very restrictive, and must be having an effect on you. Especially whilst you're pregnant. He does not have the right to tell you who you can or can't see, and it is very unfair for him to do this.

      I do have some concerns around your experiences at the moment, and do think it would be really important for you to access some help or support. Your midwife will be able to put you in contact with a local service, but you can also call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247. They will be able to ask you some more questions about the relationship and your partner, and will be able to discuss your options with you a little bit more.

      This could be quite a dangerous time for you and your baby, so I would recommend giving the helpline a call asap.

      Take care,


      This is Abuse team - 19/01/2014

Pages << < 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 > >>

Results: 435 - 450 of 2095

Terms and conditions of use

Please read and accept these rules below before commenting. All of the comments you post on this website are treated confidentially and moderated.

Stay safe – don't include any personal information in your comments, such as your surname, email address, street address and phone number.

Don't include the personal details of anyone else in your posts (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers or group leaders).

Don't go off topic - keep your comments relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate. People want their opinions to be heard – don't shout them down.

Don't post crude, racist, offensive, violent or vulgar messages to the site.

Treat everyone with respect – even if someone has a different view to your own, don't let it get personal.

Don't glamorise illegal or dangerous activities, including violence of any kind. It's ok to talk about your experiences but you shouldn't encourage others to do anything illegal or dangerous.

Don't write anything that's untrue about anyone else (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers, group leaders and famous people). Don't write anything that could harm anyone else's reputation.

This isn't a dating site – it's a platform to talk about teenage relationship abuse and your opinions on the matter; don't use it to meet or flirt with other people.

Don't write everything in CAPS – it's the equivalent of shouting and isn't polite or easy for everyone to read.

Don't post entire messages in text speak – it's ok to shorten some words but not everyone understands text speak or finds it easy to read.

It's ok to post links to other websites as long as they're relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate and don't break the house rules in any way.

Don't break copyright rules. This means that you shouldn't post text you didn't write.