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This is ABUSE

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Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships

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Results: 30 - 45 of 2095

  • katie

    12/05/2014

    I have been with my bf a year and i have had to put up with multiple incidents of violence, aggression, threats and bullying, i just dont seem to be able to leave coz he tells me he will change and that he dont wanna hurt me, he feels guilty for things and thats why he reacts the way he does, i feel nervous and on eggshells everyday and things are usually ok for a while but then he snaps, and its usually if i say i want to do something he dont like, or if i try stand up to him he will get more aggressive, i just dont know if its me or if im over reacting and that i should give him another chance, hes had alot of chances though and even gone doctors to get meds and help but didnt stick to it... do i leave or give him a chance and just ride it out

    katie - 12/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Katie

      Thanks for your post, we're really sorry to hear what you've been going through.

      We are sorry to hear you have been suffering abuse in your relationship. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal and it can seriously damage your confidence and your self-worth.

      It’s very important to try and find someone you trust to talk to about what’s been happening in your relationship. It could be a teacher, a
      parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there, you’re not on your own.

      If you’re under 18, you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      You can also call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      If your boyfriend is prepared to talk to someone, he could call Respect on 0808 802 4040 or visit www.respectphoneline.org.uk. Respect runs
      support services and programmes for men and women who inflict violence in relationships.

      We hope that this helps and that you get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care
      Best wishes

      This Is Abuse team 12/05/2014

  • Izzy

    12/05/2014

    I am 14 years old, i started going out with this boy in november 2013, he had been my best friends for the past two years and i could trust him with my life, but in october 2013 we started 'going out' and within the first couple of times i met him out of school he tried to take my clothes off or finger me and grab my hand and force me to give him a handjob. At this point i didnt want to do any of this and he never ever asked me how i felt or of i wanted to do it but he just assumed but i felt i had to, to prove that i liked him and i went along with it for a couple of months but one of the times i met him he went 'down on me' and i said 'no stop please' and tensed but he did it anyway and just after he tried to have sex with me (without consent or a condom) i had to physically push him off me, and i can only remember the fear i felt right then and it hasnt gone away and i still shake and feel sick thinking about it. Eventually i started to make loads of excuses not to meet him and would say i was on my period when i wasnt, finally i decided to break up with him because i felt so unsafe and i stopped liking him. Recently i have told a few friends about this who didnt know and i wanted to post this just so you can be aware that even the person who you thought could trust the most and who was basicly my brother can rape (if it was rape) me and act like nothing happend. Im still only fourteen and i wanted to share my story

    Izzy - 12/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Izzy

      Thanks so much for your post. What you've been through sounds horrific and it must have taken a lot of courage to post.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex, or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with, tis totally unacceptable, no one should ever put you in that position. Please understand that what happened was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, don’t blame yourself.

      Examples of sexual abuse or assault can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, being pressured to send naked pictures of yourself, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.

      If this has happened to you, we would always encourage you to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you; they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Also remember that if you have been sexually assaulted you can speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      Take care
      The This Is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 12/05/2014

  • Just a curious person

    11/05/2014

    How can a boy be abused? I'm not meant to sound rude

    Just a curious person - 11/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your post. Anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight, and abusers can be female or male.

      We hope that this site helps both boys and girls spot the signs of abuse in relationships and raises awareness of what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour.

      We have provided advice and information on the website which points all victims - whether male of female - to the help they need - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help.

      We hope that this answers your question.

      The This Is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 12/05/2014

  • Charley

    11/05/2014

    I have been with my boyfriend for 3 weeks now but we have been friends for 8 months. We recently got together as I disclosed that I had feelings for him and he said that he reciprocated those feelings. Before this we were very close friends as we met in college and gradually became close; we're still close now - since we began a romantic relationship - but recently I have been noticing changes in his behaviour towards me and in conversation and comments that he makes. I was unsure about this relationship from the start as he has never had a relationship before and I did not want to risk the friendship we had, he also made me insecure as he had previously told me that he "doesn't like me, had never liked me and never would" before he was aware of my feelings or I his. I was also reluctant to enter into a relationship with him as I have had experiences with guys in the past that have left me vulnerable and more cautious when entering the field of relationships - anything from friendship to romantic relationships. He has admitted to me that he has problems with aspects of my past and refuses to hear about them, which is difficult because he brings them up daily and constantly causes arguments with me over them. I find it incredibly difficult to process the problems I had in my past but he sometimes uses them against me like a weapon which actually hurts me a lot but then he'll twist it around like it's my fault and I know it isn't. Whilst I have said this I also have to acknowledge the fact that he has told me himself that he has a resentful personality and doesn't forgive others easily, but also wishes for total honesty between us as he does not like "walking on eggshells" around me - which personally I find is the other way around but that's neither here nor there. He I also incredibly hypocritical and rude towards me, granted he does make the effort with me i.e. He cares about my health; says he loves and cares about me all the time; will pay for things for me (if I have nothing) etc. But then there comes a point when he switches completely into a spiteful, hateful little boy who doesn't give a damn about anyone but himself. In these times he will: talk to me like I'm nothing; if I try to help him he'll make me feel worthless, completely irrelevant to him; say my words mean nothing; say he doesn't need me or anybody; make irrational comments about how he "doesn't deserve to be alive" or "wishes he could die"; uses parts of my past to make me feel inferior to him. He also confuses me immensely as we never argue in person, it is always via text or email and when I ask him about it he is very nonchalant and acts as if there is nothing wrong. There's more but I don't wish to go off point. I would really like some guidance as to where I should go next with him because he constantly talks about us being together for a very long time and if this is what it is like after 3 weeks, then I dread to think of the future that we have.

    Am I letting my doubts and nervousness of relationships doom myself into a self fulfilling prophesy of our relationship not working out, or am I right in thinking that perhaps this relationship was not a good idea and there is something seriously wrong with the way he treats me?

    Charley - 11/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Charley

      Thanks for your post, it sounds like you're going through a tough time.

      What you've described sounds like emotional abuse. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope that this helps.

      Take care
      The This Is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 12/05/2014

  • Amy

    08/05/2014

    My boyfriend and i are in a relationship and have been for 5 years. Everything was perfect and we decided to try for a baby. I fell pregnant straight away which he was really happy about but after 14 weeks he kicked me during an argument and i lost the baby. That is the only time he has been violent and i said i forgave him straight after because i wanted him to leave me alone but i cant just forgive him. I miss my baby so much. Will it happen again or was it really a one off?

    Amy - 08/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Amy

      Thanks for your post, it sounds like you’ve been going through a really tough time and it must have taken a lot of courage to write in.

      We’re really sorry to hear you’ve been suffering physical abuse and what’s happened to you. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal and It is important that this was your fault. Physical abuse can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour. There’s no guarantee that it won’t happen again.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      We would recommend you contact your local domestic abuse service or www.womensaid.org.uk who can offer advice and support. You can also call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) who can offer help.

      We hope this helps and that you get the support and advice you deserve

      Best wishes

      This Is Abuse team 09/05/2014

  • missteequ

    08/05/2014

    I'm in a relationship with an older man and he sometimes gets very angry. He has only physically hurt me a few times on purpose but sometimes he puts pressure on my face of pushes down on me and when I say it hurts he just laughs and makes me feel stupid does he do it to hurt me? He makes me feel really happy then takes it all away in seconds. He constantly puts me down with everything he says and screams at me in the street calling me loads of names and it embarrasses me. He deletes me and ignores me then I feel like I can't live without him. When I'm not with him I feel empty and alone. He says he loves me and sometimes he shows it by doing nice things for me. I feel like I'm living on edge. Do you think he loves me? Or means anything he says? He says he can't help it and its my fault. I wouldn't be anything without him. What should I do?

    missteequ - 08/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thank you for your post, it sounds like you're going through a tough time.

      We’re sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional and physical abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal and It is important that you know domestic abuse is never your fault. It can damage your confidence and your self-worth.

      Signs of emotional abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do. Physical abuse can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you; they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, we would recommend you contact your local domestic abuse service or www.womensaid.org.uk who can offer advice and support. There is also a National Freephone Helpline 0808 2000 247.

      We hope this helps

      Best wishes

      This Is Abuse team 09/05/2014

  • inna

    08/05/2014

    i been raped what can i do live him or just say no

    inna - 08/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Inna

      Thanks for your post, it must have taken a lot of courage to write.

      What’s happened to you is horrific and we are truly sorry to hear how you have suffered. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a serious crime and it should be reported. It’s important to understand that what happened was not your fault; there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      We would urge you to find someone you trust to talk to - a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, it’s really important to speak up about what happened. You have the right to be safe, and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 in confidence to talk; nothing is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline in confidence to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      You can also speak to the police about the assault. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help – if you’re unsure you might find it helpful to talk to an expert who can tell you more about the process and what to expect before you make the call to the police. You can find details of suitable organisations on the Need Help page here - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help.

      If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, please call the police on 999.

      We hope this helps
      Best wishes

      This Is Abuse team 08/05/2014

  • Anonymous

    07/05/2014

    I'm 16 and I've been with my boyfriend who is 17 for about 2 and a half years but we were friends for a year before that. Our relationship was really good almost perfect for the first year and a half but then I think I must of got annoying and as he got more comfortable with me he would say nasty things and become controlling. He would call me fat and say I was ugly how no one else would want me but I knew he didn't mean it so I would forgive him when he said sorry, he is also really controlling doesn't like me going to parties if he isn't there etc which I do understand sometimes but not if it is just with my friends as I am the what below him! He always picks at things I say day to day generally and insults me a lot! He has verbally abused me in front of people and his own friends a few times and has slagged me off also to them and other people but then when he apologises until the next fight will never say a nasty thing! He was abused when he is little and I think he might have depression from it but he never speaks to me about it when I have asked. I feel like a lot of the abuse is my fault as I must say things to make him mad. On social media he has also put things up about me and recently has been hitting me and punching me! He threw my stuff over his neighbours garden the other day and made me go round to get it, he then hit me with a side of the dustpan I was cleaning with and it cut me deep and is very bruised! He does this a lot now and I'm scared my mum picks up on my bruises but I don't say anything as he is very close to my family and I know he is a nice person just with issues, I know he would treat someone better just not me as I obviously do things wrong. I need help please!

    Anonymous - 07/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thank you for your post, it must have taken a lot of courage to write in.

      We’re sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional and pysical abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal and it's not your fault. It can damage your confidence and your self-worth.

      Signs of emtional abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do. Physical abuse can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope this helps

      Best wishes


      This Is Abuse team 08/05/2014

  • Lucy

    07/05/2014

    Hello,

    I am not sure who is abusing who in my relationship or how to fix it. My boyfriend and me argue a lot and he says I cause them all by talking about problems I make up. I don't feel I make them up and he says I need to think about my mistakes and behaviour and he can be very angry and sarcastic.

    Hes only kind when we have sex or before. . . I told him I dont feel we spend enough. Time together and feel our relationship is based on txting. We are at uni together in our final year so distance is no issue.

    Thanks,

    Lucy

    Lucy - 07/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lucy

      Thanks for your message. It sounds like you’re going through a tough time.

      There are lots of signs of emotional abuse, so it’s important that you’re aware of what it looks like. The Spot the Signs page on this website includes behaviours that may mean you’re in an abusive relationship: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse

      There are two websites that you might find helpful to look at as well. One is Women's aid(www.womensaid.org.uk) and the other which is specifically for young people is www.respectnotfear.co.uk Both websites have information on them about abuse including emotional abuse.

      You can also speak to someone in confidence by contacting the 24 hour, National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      We hope that helps
      Best wishes

      This Is Abuse team 08/05/2014

  • Emily

    06/05/2014

    My best friend (who's in year 8) is going out with a guy (who's in year 10). She has been going with him for about 5 month and used to be happy with him but me and my other friends have noticed she is getting more quieter around him. I read an article in 'Bliss' and there was a check list to see if someone is being abused, when I looked through I found out that all boxes were ticked apart from 2 which I didn't know anything about. He stops her coming out with me and my mates sometimes and when I was meeting up with a friend (who was a boy) he told her not to come which was upsetting because it was a really good day. She went to Southport with her family instead and whilst she was in Primark he rung her and was asking her where she was. She kept saying she was in Southport but he kept on asking her and when she was talking to me that night she started crying about it. She also changes her behaviour as when I was shouting at him for making her upset she went all quiet and said it was ok, another time I was going to say something to him but she asked me not to mention her in it (as if trying not to make him mad) In pe we were wearing our summer kit and she was asking people for a jumper, I saw her when she was putting it on with bruises and cuts on her arms, she said it was just a rash. There are other occasions but I can't list them all. I'm really worried and I don't know what to do because if I say something she might think I'm being bitchy and if I don't say anything she might be suffering and I'm there not doing anything- please can someone help.

    Emily - 06/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Emily

      Thanks for your post, it must have taken a lot of courage to write in.

      We’re sorry to hear about your worries - if you think you have spotted some of the warning signs of abuse in your friend’s relationship, they may need professional help and your encouragement and support to help to stop it. For more information on the signs, visit this page of the website - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/spot-the-signs, it sounds like you have already recognised some of them.

      Tell your friend you are really worried about them and let them know that the way they’re being treated is not right, it’s not normal, and the abuse is not their fault, it’s unacceptable. Let them know that help and support is available.

      It might be useful to think up a code word that they can use on the phone to let you know they need help? When you talk to them, try to make them feel at ease as it takes courage to admit abuse. Please encourage them to talk to a trusted adult.

      You shouldn’t confront their partner on your own and neither should your friend. If they decide to leave their relationship, it’s very important they do so safely; they can find more information and advice how to manage that here - http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/59-difficult-to-leave.html, or call Refuge on 0808 2000 247 for further support.

      If your friend wants to speak to someone in confidence, encourage them to speak to ChildLine on 0800 1111 or visit www.childline.org.uk where they can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      That same goes for you too if you want support and guidance on how to manage the situation, speak to one of the services detailed above, they will be able to help you.

      We hope this helps
      Best wishes


      This Is Abuse team 07/05/2014

  • prudish

    06/05/2014

    I am currently in a full time relationship with a 30 year old male, we don't get intimate however we spend a lot of time together and really from what I think we like each other, if I start an open relationship with him when im 16 is this illegal? or what are the disadvatages?

    prudish - 06/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      It is a common myth that “everyone is doing it”, but the average age for having sex for the first time is 16. Many people wait until they’re older. You always have the right to withhold consent and don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. If he cares for you he will understand why you want to wait.

      If you are under 16 it’s against the law for you to have sex. So if you’re under 16, he could not lawfully have sex with you. If you want to speak to somebody in confidence you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope this helps
      Best wishes

      This Is Abuse team 08/05/2014

  • anonapus

    06/05/2014

    I recently got a new boyfriend but an old friend who claimed he was in love with me is constantly talking about me, lying about sexual intercourse and other manuvers. although this is indirect it is effecting my life and relationship and causing distress. is this ABUSE?

    anonapus - 06/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your post. We're sorry to hear about what you've been going through.

      This could be emotional abuse - abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you or preventing you from doing certain things.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope this helps
      Best wishes

      This Is Abuse team 07/05/2014

  • sasha

    06/05/2014

    hi im a 15 year old girl and im going out with a 17 year old we have been together for around a year now and me and my boyfriend have been through alot together inculding me having an abortion because i had no other option my mum was going to kick me out and when we argue he frequently brings it up. in the past he used to always talk to girls behind my back and when i found his phone with naked pictures on of other girls he hit me and turns the arguement on me he has broken 3 of my phones for no reason when i have left them there over night he rips my clothes i feel like i can never do anything right ive never cheated on him and he knows that but he still doesnt trust me and i dont trust him because of his past despite this he calls me a tramp a slut and a dog and tells me he uses me for sex he has strangelled me before n booted me and he has thrown things at me but afterwards he will always say to me he is sorry he is forever checking my phone and i have to ask him if i can go certain places with certain people and he never wants to loose me i often want to leave him but he tells me that he will come to my house and set it on fire and he will come to college and find me i dont know what to do i love him so much but i feel so down i dont even want to leave my house because i have no confidence

    sasha - 06/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Sasha

      Thanks for your post, we're really sorry to hear about what you've been going through.

      Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of emotional abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      Signs of physical abuse can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour. What's more, the law in this country is that you cannot give consent until you are 16 years old and so he could not lawfully have sex with you. None of what has happened is your fault.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope this helps and you get the support and advice you deserve.

      Best wishes

      This Is Abuse team 07/05/2014

  • rose

    05/05/2014

    I've never felt so ashamed and confused. I'm 18 and I met this 24 year old man whom at first I thought was nice because he said he wouldnt hurt ne but he wanted me to do things to him even though I said I didn't want to, he wanted me to perform oral sex on him. I said I didn't want to but he forced my head down so I did it. I feel used and taken advantage of. I feel so dirty because this isn't the first time this has happened with other guys. I just feel so ashamed and dirty, it makes me so depressed that I want to end everything.

    rose - 05/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Rose

      Thanks for your post. We're really sorry to hear about what you've been through. It must have taken a lot of courage to write in.

      What’s happened to you is horrific and we are truly sorry to hear how you have suffered. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a serious crime and it should be reported. It’s important to understand that what happened was not your fault; there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.
      We would urge you to find someone you trust to talk to - a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, it’s really important to speak up about what happened. You have the right to be safe, and help and support is out there.

      As you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline in confidence to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      You can also speak to the police about the assault. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help – if you’re unsure you might find it helpful to talk to an expert who can tell you more about the process and what to expect before you make the call to the police.

      You can find details of suitable organisations on the Need Help page here - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help.

      Best wishes

      This Is Abuse team 07/05/2014

  • anonymous..

    03/05/2014

    I'm 18 and he is 20 . Recently he has been violent towards me and I don't know what todo. He knows I'm scared of him. He has a lot on his mind such as a court case with his ex about being violent. I don't know what todo :(

    anonymous.. - 03/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your post. We're really sorry to hear you have been suffering physical abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal and it can seriously damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of physical abuse can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour.

      It’s very important to try and find someone you trust to talk to about what’s been happening in your relationship. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there, you’re not on your own.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      You can also hear from a survivor of domestic violence here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a8fsrPEaYQ&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=3&feature=plcp

      We hope this helps

      Best wishes

      This Is Abuse team 07/05/2014

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