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This is ABUSE

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Results: 30 - 45 of 2089

  • inna

    08/05/2014

    i been raped what can i do live him or just say no

    inna - 08/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Inna

      Thanks for your post, it must have taken a lot of courage to write.

      What’s happened to you is horrific and we are truly sorry to hear how you have suffered. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a serious crime and it should be reported. It’s important to understand that what happened was not your fault; there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      We would urge you to find someone you trust to talk to - a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, it’s really important to speak up about what happened. You have the right to be safe, and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 in confidence to talk; nothing is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline in confidence to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      You can also speak to the police about the assault. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help – if you’re unsure you might find it helpful to talk to an expert who can tell you more about the process and what to expect before you make the call to the police. You can find details of suitable organisations on the Need Help page here - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help.

      If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, please call the police on 999.

      We hope this helps
      Best wishes

      This Is Abuse team 08/05/2014

  • Anonymous

    07/05/2014

    I'm 16 and I've been with my boyfriend who is 17 for about 2 and a half years but we were friends for a year before that. Our relationship was really good almost perfect for the first year and a half but then I think I must of got annoying and as he got more comfortable with me he would say nasty things and become controlling. He would call me fat and say I was ugly how no one else would want me but I knew he didn't mean it so I would forgive him when he said sorry, he is also really controlling doesn't like me going to parties if he isn't there etc which I do understand sometimes but not if it is just with my friends as I am the what below him! He always picks at things I say day to day generally and insults me a lot! He has verbally abused me in front of people and his own friends a few times and has slagged me off also to them and other people but then when he apologises until the next fight will never say a nasty thing! He was abused when he is little and I think he might have depression from it but he never speaks to me about it when I have asked. I feel like a lot of the abuse is my fault as I must say things to make him mad. On social media he has also put things up about me and recently has been hitting me and punching me! He threw my stuff over his neighbours garden the other day and made me go round to get it, he then hit me with a side of the dustpan I was cleaning with and it cut me deep and is very bruised! He does this a lot now and I'm scared my mum picks up on my bruises but I don't say anything as he is very close to my family and I know he is a nice person just with issues, I know he would treat someone better just not me as I obviously do things wrong. I need help please!

    Anonymous - 07/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thank you for your post, it must have taken a lot of courage to write in.

      We’re sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional and pysical abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal and it's not your fault. It can damage your confidence and your self-worth.

      Signs of emtional abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do. Physical abuse can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope this helps

      Best wishes


      This Is Abuse team 08/05/2014

  • Lucy

    07/05/2014

    Hello,

    I am not sure who is abusing who in my relationship or how to fix it. My boyfriend and me argue a lot and he says I cause them all by talking about problems I make up. I don't feel I make them up and he says I need to think about my mistakes and behaviour and he can be very angry and sarcastic.

    Hes only kind when we have sex or before. . . I told him I dont feel we spend enough. Time together and feel our relationship is based on txting. We are at uni together in our final year so distance is no issue.

    Thanks,

    Lucy

    Lucy - 07/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lucy

      Thanks for your message. It sounds like you’re going through a tough time.

      There are lots of signs of emotional abuse, so it’s important that you’re aware of what it looks like. The Spot the Signs page on this website includes behaviours that may mean you’re in an abusive relationship: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse

      There are two websites that you might find helpful to look at as well. One is Women's aid(www.womensaid.org.uk) and the other which is specifically for young people is www.respectnotfear.co.uk Both websites have information on them about abuse including emotional abuse.

      You can also speak to someone in confidence by contacting the 24 hour, National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      We hope that helps
      Best wishes

      This Is Abuse team 08/05/2014

  • Emily

    06/05/2014

    My best friend (who's in year 8) is going out with a guy (who's in year 10). She has been going with him for about 5 month and used to be happy with him but me and my other friends have noticed she is getting more quieter around him. I read an article in 'Bliss' and there was a check list to see if someone is being abused, when I looked through I found out that all boxes were ticked apart from 2 which I didn't know anything about. He stops her coming out with me and my mates sometimes and when I was meeting up with a friend (who was a boy) he told her not to come which was upsetting because it was a really good day. She went to Southport with her family instead and whilst she was in Primark he rung her and was asking her where she was. She kept saying she was in Southport but he kept on asking her and when she was talking to me that night she started crying about it. She also changes her behaviour as when I was shouting at him for making her upset she went all quiet and said it was ok, another time I was going to say something to him but she asked me not to mention her in it (as if trying not to make him mad) In pe we were wearing our summer kit and she was asking people for a jumper, I saw her when she was putting it on with bruises and cuts on her arms, she said it was just a rash. There are other occasions but I can't list them all. I'm really worried and I don't know what to do because if I say something she might think I'm being bitchy and if I don't say anything she might be suffering and I'm there not doing anything- please can someone help.

    Emily - 06/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Emily

      Thanks for your post, it must have taken a lot of courage to write in.

      We’re sorry to hear about your worries - if you think you have spotted some of the warning signs of abuse in your friend’s relationship, they may need professional help and your encouragement and support to help to stop it. For more information on the signs, visit this page of the website - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/spot-the-signs, it sounds like you have already recognised some of them.

      Tell your friend you are really worried about them and let them know that the way they’re being treated is not right, it’s not normal, and the abuse is not their fault, it’s unacceptable. Let them know that help and support is available.

      It might be useful to think up a code word that they can use on the phone to let you know they need help? When you talk to them, try to make them feel at ease as it takes courage to admit abuse. Please encourage them to talk to a trusted adult.

      You shouldn’t confront their partner on your own and neither should your friend. If they decide to leave their relationship, it’s very important they do so safely; they can find more information and advice how to manage that here - http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/59-difficult-to-leave.html, or call Refuge on 0808 2000 247 for further support.

      If your friend wants to speak to someone in confidence, encourage them to speak to ChildLine on 0800 1111 or visit www.childline.org.uk where they can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      That same goes for you too if you want support and guidance on how to manage the situation, speak to one of the services detailed above, they will be able to help you.

      We hope this helps
      Best wishes


      This Is Abuse team 07/05/2014

  • prudish

    06/05/2014

    I am currently in a full time relationship with a 30 year old male, we don't get intimate however we spend a lot of time together and really from what I think we like each other, if I start an open relationship with him when im 16 is this illegal? or what are the disadvatages?

    prudish - 06/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      It is a common myth that “everyone is doing it”, but the average age for having sex for the first time is 16. Many people wait until they’re older. You always have the right to withhold consent and don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. If he cares for you he will understand why you want to wait.

      If you are under 16 it’s against the law for you to have sex. So if you’re under 16, he could not lawfully have sex with you. If you want to speak to somebody in confidence you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope this helps
      Best wishes

      This Is Abuse team 08/05/2014

  • anonapus

    06/05/2014

    I recently got a new boyfriend but an old friend who claimed he was in love with me is constantly talking about me, lying about sexual intercourse and other manuvers. although this is indirect it is effecting my life and relationship and causing distress. is this ABUSE?

    anonapus - 06/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your post. We're sorry to hear about what you've been going through.

      This could be emotional abuse - abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you or preventing you from doing certain things.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope this helps
      Best wishes

      This Is Abuse team 07/05/2014

  • sasha

    06/05/2014

    hi im a 15 year old girl and im going out with a 17 year old we have been together for around a year now and me and my boyfriend have been through alot together inculding me having an abortion because i had no other option my mum was going to kick me out and when we argue he frequently brings it up. in the past he used to always talk to girls behind my back and when i found his phone with naked pictures on of other girls he hit me and turns the arguement on me he has broken 3 of my phones for no reason when i have left them there over night he rips my clothes i feel like i can never do anything right ive never cheated on him and he knows that but he still doesnt trust me and i dont trust him because of his past despite this he calls me a tramp a slut and a dog and tells me he uses me for sex he has strangelled me before n booted me and he has thrown things at me but afterwards he will always say to me he is sorry he is forever checking my phone and i have to ask him if i can go certain places with certain people and he never wants to loose me i often want to leave him but he tells me that he will come to my house and set it on fire and he will come to college and find me i dont know what to do i love him so much but i feel so down i dont even want to leave my house because i have no confidence

    sasha - 06/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Sasha

      Thanks for your post, we're really sorry to hear about what you've been going through.

      Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of emotional abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      Signs of physical abuse can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour. What's more, the law in this country is that you cannot give consent until you are 16 years old and so he could not lawfully have sex with you. None of what has happened is your fault.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope this helps and you get the support and advice you deserve.

      Best wishes

      This Is Abuse team 07/05/2014

  • rose

    05/05/2014

    I've never felt so ashamed and confused. I'm 18 and I met this 24 year old man whom at first I thought was nice because he said he wouldnt hurt ne but he wanted me to do things to him even though I said I didn't want to, he wanted me to perform oral sex on him. I said I didn't want to but he forced my head down so I did it. I feel used and taken advantage of. I feel so dirty because this isn't the first time this has happened with other guys. I just feel so ashamed and dirty, it makes me so depressed that I want to end everything.

    rose - 05/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Rose

      Thanks for your post. We're really sorry to hear about what you've been through. It must have taken a lot of courage to write in.

      What’s happened to you is horrific and we are truly sorry to hear how you have suffered. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a serious crime and it should be reported. It’s important to understand that what happened was not your fault; there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.
      We would urge you to find someone you trust to talk to - a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, it’s really important to speak up about what happened. You have the right to be safe, and help and support is out there.

      As you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline in confidence to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      You can also speak to the police about the assault. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help – if you’re unsure you might find it helpful to talk to an expert who can tell you more about the process and what to expect before you make the call to the police.

      You can find details of suitable organisations on the Need Help page here - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help.

      Best wishes

      This Is Abuse team 07/05/2014

  • anonymous..

    03/05/2014

    I'm 18 and he is 20 . Recently he has been violent towards me and I don't know what todo. He knows I'm scared of him. He has a lot on his mind such as a court case with his ex about being violent. I don't know what todo :(

    anonymous.. - 03/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your post. We're really sorry to hear you have been suffering physical abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal and it can seriously damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of physical abuse can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour.

      It’s very important to try and find someone you trust to talk to about what’s been happening in your relationship. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there, you’re not on your own.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      You can also hear from a survivor of domestic violence here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a8fsrPEaYQ&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=3&feature=plcp

      We hope this helps

      Best wishes

      This Is Abuse team 07/05/2014

  • Cassie

    02/05/2014

    I was sexually abused as a child (ages-7-11); at least I think I was. I mean he never hurt me but made me perform/performed sexual acts on me. I have always thought that the abuse never had a lasting effect on me but lately I've been thinking that maybe some of the confusing and irrational feelings/behaviour I exhibit may stem from this. However I cannot be sure, it could be totally unrelated to the abuse and maybe I'm using the abuse as an excuse to justify my own behaviour. I don't feel like I exhibit some behaviour or feelings that people who has been properly abused does. For example I don't really hate or fear my abuser. I just feel indifferent. I feel nothing for him. I don't want people to think I'm lying. Or overreacting and being dramatic but I would like to clarify some doubts I have. I want to seek help but I'm also afraid to do so. I just want to tell someone about this, I guess there is no real purpose of this post, I don't need guidance.

    Cassie Cassie - 02/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Cassie

      Thanks for your post.

      If you’ve been forced or pressured to have sex, or take part in sexual activity that you didn't feel comfortable with, that is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position. Please understand that what happened was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, don’t blame yourself.

      If you are unsure, examples of sexual abuse or assault can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, being pressured to send naked pictures of yourself, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.

      If this has happened to you, we would always encourage you to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you; they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. They offer counselling and support for women who have experienced any form of sexual violence, not just rape.

      We hope this helps.
      Best wishes

      This Is Abuse team 07/05/2014

  • anonymous

    01/05/2014

    Im 16 and my boyfriend is 20- a couple of months ago I miscarried his child when he hit me. I know it was my fault but things lately have been difficult. Sometimes he can be controlling and violent. Although he does this he is immediately apologetic afterwards. I know he has had issues growing up as he was physically abused as a child. I love him and I want to get him the best possible help. What to do?

    anonymous - 01/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thank you for your post on the This is Abuse website, we are really sorry to hear about what you have been going through.

      We are sorry to hear you have been suffering abuse in your relationship. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal and it can seriously damage your confidence and your self-worth.

      It’s very important to try and find someone you trust to talk to about what’s been happening in your relationship. It could be a teacher, a
      parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there, you’re not on your own.

      A lot of people who have experienced all kinds of abuse will blame themselves. However, the responsibility lies solely with the abuser, never with you. This can be hard to get your head around, as can still loving that person. Again, that is also completely normal and many people are torn between loving the person and hating their behaviour.

      As you’re under 18, you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      You can also call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      If your boyfriend is ready to talk to someone, he could call Respect on 0808 802 4040 or visit www.respectphoneline.org.uk. Respect runs
      support services and programmes for men and women who inflict violence in relationships.

      I hope that this helps and that you get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care,
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 02/05/2014

  • Angela

    29/04/2014


    My boyfriend And I have been together for 3 yeRs and I love him very much And care for him extremely but he and I both know that he has poor anger outbursts. He admits to having previous issues when he was younger to the point he was subscribed medication. At this point he does not have insurance to seek proper doctor attention but is in the process of obtaining insurance. He turns into another very angry person and has a lot of past family resentment and hurt which is where a lot of his anger stems from. Unfortunately I am one of the very few people he has close to him because his family is very broken and at most times Mia. He will take his anger out in me with belittling comments,name calling and what I see as manipulation. He says I make him mad and later apologizes that he didn't mean to say these things and he knows that it's wrong but does not know how to control his anger once it takes place. We both know this is not the person he wants to be and no longer wants to live like this, jeopardizing our relationship and hurting the one person he loves most,me. I have been his backbone and support for too long and it hurts me that I ,in most cases catch the wrath of his anger. We have reached the point that this is the time to seriously take action n seek the help and counseling that he needs. What is my best option or place to turn to get the material and source of help necessary so that he can live a healthier and happier lifestyle. Where can I turn for help so I myself can better understand his reasoning for his anger and offer guidance. I admit there are times where I play a role and fuel the fire also. We are both broken and know this is not ok but at times of rage we forget what we promised and spiral out of control all over again. It is a continuous cycle and can't do it on our own anymore. He needs proper tools to heal n correct all the wrong doings. Please help

    Angela - 29/04/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Angela,

      This sounds like a really tough situation for both of you. However, it is really important that you access some help yourself. It doesn't sound like your partner is acting this way towards anybody else and is therefore choosing to behave this way towards you.

      I am confused around your partner's issues with his insurance, if you are residing in the UK there are services that will work with him and support him. He can contact Respect on 0808 802 4040.

      Have you accessed any support for yourself? Services won't make you leave your partner, but will keep you as safe as possible. You can contact the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      It seems like you have got a lot of issues to address. If both you and your partner have recognised that there are issues that need to be addressed have you thought about separating for a period of time whilst you address what has been happening?

      If you ever feel scared or unsafe then I urge you to call the Police on 999. If you feel that you would like to report an incident after it has taken place and you are safe then please call 101.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 29/04/2014

  • Anonymous

    28/04/2014

    Hi, I'm a 14 year old girl and when I was around about 6-8 years old my mum went on a night out and my two brothers and a mate of my eldest brothers was all babysitting me and as a child I slept in my mums bed with her, so I was in a normal outfit of clothes lying on my mums bed under the quilt until I fell asleep, I woke up about 2am and pretended I was still asleep as I thought it was my mum, I felt my trousers come down and at this point I thought that it was just my mum putting me In my pyjamas but as I pretended to be asleep I felt someone playing about with me, I then was to scared to wake up and like ask this person what he was doing so i rolled over praying that he would go away, he stopped and crouched down beside my bed, I thought he was gone and then I looked and he just looked at me and walked out, I thought it was a nightmare but I remember my brother telling my mum how after that I ran downstairs crying because I was scared about something, I've only told my bestfriends and not my parents, he was like my brother he lived with us and everything, my dads very protective and I'm scared he will make it worse if I told him, I don't know what to do?

    Anonymous - 28/04/2014

    Reply
    • Hi,

      Thanks for sharing this experience, it must have been really scary for you, and is probably still having an impact on you at the moment.

      It is really important that you talk to an adult that you trust about what has happened. What he did is not acceptable, and was breaking the law. You had no control over what happened, so don't ever feel that this is your fault.

      Is there an adult that you trust who you could talk to? A parent, or a friend's parent, teacher or school counsellor who will be able to work through some of this with you?

      You can also call Childline if you feel that things are getting too much for you, their telephone number is 0800 1111. What happened to you was sexual assault, and needs to be treated as that. There is a lot of information on the Rape Crisis website, which is http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/

      I really hope you reach out and access some support, as it will be really helpful for you.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 29/04/2014

  • Kate

    28/04/2014

    I been abused verbally and in controlling relationship for 2 years . I never call policeon him , but I make him go for help and he is going for counselling. But one time happened that I was little drunk and we been arguing all evening , finally he said some nasty stuff to me and I slapped him and he straight away call the police. I know I did wrong things but call the police ,I spend all night in police station. What to do?

    Kate - 28/04/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Kate,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It is a really difficult situation to be in, and this is why we would always encourage you to report all incidents to the Police. As you have used physical violence against him you have broken the law, and unfortunately, because you have never reported anything, there is no evidence to suggest that he has used abuse against you.

      It might be helpful to get in contact with your local domestic abuse service, you can find this on google or by contacting the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      I'm concerned as to how your relationship is functioning at the moment, he has used abuse against you, which you have not reported, and he has reported you for your use of abuse. The power all seems to be in your partner, and it seems that you have lost your control. I think it would be really beneficial for you to get some support, so please do contact the number above.

      Best wishes,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 29/04/2014

  • Anonymous

    28/04/2014

    Hi,
    I'm 14 and I lm not in a relationship with him when it happened but I just need help. On Christmas I went out with my mates and we all met with some older boys I was really drunk and they kept giving me alcohol he is 19. All my other mates left me and me and him and 2other boys went back to his place one of the boys tryed to do stuff with me but I said no to all of them but that didn't stop them they said it's ok we won't hurt you I kept saying no to it but adventually gave in they started doing stuff with me then I passed out on the bed and can't remember nothing at that time. when I woke it was to late to get all 3off them of off me and I was still to drunk to do anything then it stopped and 2 of the boys went down stairs the 2 guys are my age both 14 and they left me with the 19 year old he asked me if I wanted to have sex with him and I did say yes so he did it I couldn't move cause of how drunk I was he took advantage of me and stole my virginity I've known the 19 year old since I was 5 and I look at him as my older brother me made me trust him by telling me he won't let nothing happen to me earlier that night. I've just told my bestfriend about it yesterday and she wants me to go to the police and tell my mum but I'm to scared the 19 year old is getting sent to prison for having sex with more than 3 underage girls so I don't see the point in calling the police on him. He made me promise him after that i would not tell anyone so I promised him. later that night they all walked me home and the next day he text me asking to do it again I said no. But apparently he raped me. I've cried so much because of it and I've even cut myself cause of it. I just need some advise cause I don't look at it as abuse, please help me. Thanks.

    Anonymous - 28/04/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Anon,

      Thank you for your message. It takes a lot of strength to share what has happened to you, you sound like you are looking for some support so you don’t have to cope on your own with this. Hopefully some of the information below can help with this.

      What happened to you was not your fault. You were unable to consent to sex freely as you were under the influence of alcohol. What you are describing is rape, because having sex when you have not freely consented is rape. Being forced into sex is a serious thing and can take have affects in the long term for your emotions. You have experienced something very serious. You deserve some support now, as this is a difficult thing to cope with alone. The reactions you are having of self-harm, crying and feeling that you have been robbed of your virginity all show that you feel something very bad has happened, even though you are reluctant to call it abuse. It sounds like this person was very predatory if he is already in trouble for having sex with under age girls.

      I understand that this is a hard thing to discuss with people and you feel that telling your mum or the police may be too much for you at this time. You might want to call Rape Crisis, they are an organisation who specialise in working with women and girls who have suffered sexual violence. They can talk with you in a confidential and non-judgemental setting. You can reach them on 0808 802 (12 –2.30 & 7 – 9.30 everyday). I have included a link to some information on consent here you might want to look at as well as some information on the effects of rape.

      http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/consentandconsequences/

      http://www.rasasc.org.uk/wp/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/rapeCrisisSouthLondon_rapeAndTheEffectsOfRape.pdf

      http://www.rasasc.org.uk/wp/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/rapeCrisisSouthLondon_postTraumaticStressDisorder.pdf

      You have been really strong so far and now you deserve a bit of support to help you cope with the feelings you have.

      Take care,
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 28/04/2014

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