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This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

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Results: 30 - 45 of 2110

  • gugi

    13/07/2014

    He loves me n I love him too. Every time we get stuck on a point he says I misbehave. He does not let me talk to him in a bad mood. And then he shouts at me. Calls me names. Wishes that I be dead. Regrets the moment he started this relationship. Disrespects my family. But I love him so much that I forgive him. He never asks fr forgiveness n when I say I have forgiven him, he gets more angry. I don't wanna lose him. I promise him 5 years ago that I will never leave him becauseof his bad temper. I m keeping my promise.

    gugi - 13/07/2014

    Reply
    • Hi There

      Thank you for your message. It sounds like you’ve been going through a tough time.

      We’re sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope this helps
      Best wishes
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 18/07/2014

  • MumOF4

    11/07/2014

    For 10 yrs I was in an abusive relationship, abusive in all ways except sexually, It's left me with no confidence, low self esteem, depressed, and suicidal at times in the past. It's been 3 months since I found the strength to leave and my family think I should be over it now, but it's not that easy especially as I can't cut him out completely due to us having kids, I've just been told by a family member that I need to stop playing on it and get over it as I've just had a set back after my ex revealed the design he's having tattooed on his leg this week...it's a crying angel (he called me angel for the whole of our relationship, well during the good days) to me he's having me tattooed on this leg n it's making me feel sick...am I wrong for feeling this way? I'm being made to feel like I am :(

    MumOF4 - 11/07/2014

    Reply
    • Hi There

      Thanks for your message, we’re really sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through and that you’ve been suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      Even though you have left the relationship, we would still encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      If you are feeling suicidal or particularly distressed it’s important you try and find someone you trust to talk to. The Samaritans can help; take a look at their website at http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ or email jo@samaritans.co.uk. You can also call the Samaritans helpline on 08457 909090.


      We hope this helps

      Best wishes
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 18/07/2014

  • Tina

    08/07/2014

    It is important to explain that abuse can be all types of behaviour. You don't have to experience the examples stated. Abuse I experience comes in the form of neglect & disregard for me completely, leaving me feeling isolated vulnerable but still responsible for another adult aswell as myself. Depriving someone of love & care can eventually destroy your well being self esteem & confidence.
    I used to believe it wasn't abuse as I have no injuries and I don't experience the typical examples that are always shown.

    Tina - 08/07/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Tina
      My name is Kay and I have been with a guy for two years. He does not really care about being affectionate towards me. He says it is not the greatest value. But I so need it. He is emotionally unavailable and when I mentioned that maybe we should just become friends, he got angry and did not want to speak to me.
      I feel depressed and dream of breaking up with him yet I have no courage. I am confused. I do not know what to think.
      Thank you for reading.
      Regards,
      Kay

      Kay - 22/09/2014

    • Hi Tina

      Thanks for posting. We're really sorry to hear what you've experienced.

      If you are suffering from neglect you really need to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope that this helps.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 09/07/2014

  • lauren

    30/06/2014

    so i was with my ex boyfriend for 14 months and at the start of our relationship everything was perfect,however as months went on he started to abuse me verbally and take me away from friends and family and abuse me physically and sexually,this affected my mental health alot,as it wasnt in the best place anyway! so after 14 months i finally pucker up the courage to leave him but the problem i have now(10 months later) is that im finding it really hard to trust a boy again,i dont want my next boyfriend to think that im still in love with my ex and to not understand why i wont do certain things or why i get upset when seeing my ex,most of my friends expect me to 'get over it' but its really hard:(

    lauren - 30/06/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lauren

      Thanks for posting. We think it is really important that even though this may have happened some time ago, you should still try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      We're so sorry to hear you were suffering emotional and sexual abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth.

      If you were being forced or pressured to have sex, or take part in sexual activity that you didn’t feel comfortable with, that is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position. Please understand that what happened was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, don’t blame yourself.

      If you are unsure, examples of sexual abuse or assault can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, being pressured to send naked pictures of yourself, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.

      If this has happened to you, we would always encourage you to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you; they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. They offer counselling and support for women who have experienced any form of sexual violence, not just rape.

      It can be very hard to leave an abusive relationship - no matter what kind. It’s also very important to leave the relationship safely. If you are still in contact with this person, we would urge you to think about completing a safety plan like this: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/47-keeping-safe-in-an-unhealthy-relationship.html

      We hope this helps, and that you're able to get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 30/06/2014

  • Olivia

    25/06/2014

    Last year I met a guy online, he's 2 and a half yeas older than me, I'm 17 and met him when I was 16. It started off really lovely and I was happy, we'd message eachother everyday. One night he asked for photos, not photos of my face but photos in my underwear, I was flattered at first but I told him I didn't want to. I kept saying no. But he said he wasn't going to show anyone and he just wanted to see my body, so I sent them. This went on for a few months, sending photos like that. When I wouldn't send them he'd ignore me or get into a mood and obviously I was oh so Inlove with him and didn't want to be ignored so id send them. Then he asked for different photos, ones without underwear on. I didn't want to, I really didn't, I was terrified of the consequences because I knew them. But he got really moody again and distanced himself so I sent them. Just so he'd be happy and cute to me. Because that's the only time he would ever compliment me, was when I sent them.

    He broke up with me, he told me he wasn't attracted to me anymore and that I was pestering him all the time. He sent some horrible messages, all blaming me for his behaviour. I was glad it was over. I didn't have to send photos anymore. I'd started seeing someone else and I was happy, that was until I decided to message the previous guy asking if he was okay as we hadn't spoken in 6 months. He started telling me he loved me and wanted me back, that he wanted to meet up with me but I told him no because I was seeing someone. He started sending me horrid messages, but then he apologised and told me he wanted me back and that he was sorry. I blocked him and carried on with my life.

    I made the mistake of messaging him again the other night, I was bored in bed and I'd forgotten all the horrible stuff that had happened and only had memories of the good times. So I messaged him, I got a reply and within 5 hours of texting he'd offended and insulted me twice. He then facetimed me later that night. In the same day we only just start speaking again he pressurised me into stripping on FaceTime, he wanted to have sex with me over video chat. I told him no, and he kept calling me boring. I hung up the call and sat on my bed crying. Just hysterically crying. Until I do that he won't talk to me again, he's ignoring me. Not that I care about him in that way but because I said no, he sees me as boring and doesn't love me unless I do it.

    It's broken me, I don't know what the right thing to do is. I know that it's emotional and sexual abuse and that no one who loves you would make you cry late at night every night. I just don't know whether or not to give him what he wants so he'll stop being aggressive.

    Olivia - 25/06/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Olivia

      Thanks for your post, it sounds like you're going through a really tough time.

      If you’re being forced or pressured to have sex, or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with, that is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position. Please
      understand that what happened was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, don’t blame yourself. If you are
      unsure, examples of sexual abuse or assault can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, being pressured to send naked pictures of yourself, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.

      If this has happened to you, we would always encourage you to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you; they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Also remember that if you have been sexually assaulted you can speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      It can be very hard to leave an abusive relationship - no matter what kind. It’s also very important to leave the relationship safely. There
      are many reasons why people don't feel they can leave. Fear is a huge one, also uncertainty about what to do/who can help. Some people may
      not realise that they are being abused and not even be looking for help. A big factor in not leaving can simply be love. Love is such a powerful emotion it can overrule anything else. If you are still in contact with this person, we would urge you to think about completing a safety plan like this: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/47-keeping-safe-in-an-unhealthy-relationship.html

      We hope that this helps, and that you get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 27/06/2014

  • Dean

    22/06/2014

    I tried to explain this to my friend the other day, but because I'm a boy she said "man up" and told me to stop being such a wuss, so I haven't really told anyone.

    About a year ago I got my first girlfriend and she was really lovely. That was until about 2 weeks into our relationship when she told me that I would look better with a different haircut to the one I had and she marched me to the barbers and told them how to cut my hair (at the time I didn't realise this was a bad thing - I thought she was being helpful). It did look better than the cut I previously had, so I thought I'd roll with it.

    However this lead onto other things, like making me buy clothes that I didn't feel comfortable in because she thought they'd "suit me better" and telling my friends that I was a bad boyfriend for not wearing the clothes she bought me and she got really angry at me when I didn't want to have sex with her because she kept saying "you're a boy you're supposed to want this" and I felt like I was being the worst boyfriend, so I went ahead and did it.

    The only reason this relationship has ended is because we're going to different colleges and she thinks we "might as well not bother anymore"

    I'm torn between feeling like a terrible boyfriend and thinking her behaviour was unfair. The whole thing has left me confused. I know it isn't as bad as what other people have had to deal with, but it's still uncomfortable for me to think about.

    Dean - 22/06/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Dean

      Thanks for posting.

      We’re sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do. It is also never OK to make someone feel bad if they don't want to have sex as this is also a form of emotional abuse.

      If you're a young man who's experiencing abuse at the hands of your female partner (and this may include being pressured into sexual activities you don't want) then it may be especially hard for you to tell someone. Some people have told us that they would feel less manly if someone knew that were being abused by a girl, that it would be shameful. And others have told us about situations where their female partner threatened to tell authorities that they were being abused by them in order to keep them silent.

      Talking about what's happening is really important and you can get help if your partner is violent, controlling or sexually abusive, or if you've experienced this in the past. Try talking to a trusted adult. If you don’t think you can do this, you can speak in confidence by calling the helpline for males experiencing domestic abuse. Call freephone 0808 801 0327, email info@mensadviceline.org.uk or visit www.mensadviceline.org.uk

      If you’re under 18, you can also speak to ChildLine on 0800 11 11 or visit www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Dudley Safe and Sound partnership have also produced a video which provides advice for male victims of relationship abuse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU

      We hope this helps.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 23/06/2014

  • A friend of hers

    22/06/2014

    Okay, here it goes. I am writing this question/comment on behalf of a friend of mine. She doesn't know I'm doing this so please *low key*...anyways I'm a little worried for her. She has a nice boyfriend and in my opinion she is very naive. However, she tells me everything and by everything I mean she told me she has a load of sex most of the time withher 'boyfriend'. Anyways, the reason why I'm writing this is because she is only 16 and says she wants to do these things but I'm not sure it's right for her? Am I correct I. Saying so? Like he'd never hurt her I know for definet! Thanks

    A friend of hers - 22/06/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your post. We’re sorry to hear about your worries - if you think you have spotted
      some of the warning signs of abuse in your friend’s relationship, they may need professional help and your encouragement and support to help
      to stop it. For more information on the signs, visit this page of the website - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/spot-the-signs, you might already recognise some of them.

      Tell your friend you are really worried about them and let them know that help and support is available.

      If your friend wants to speak to someone in confidence, as she is under 18 she can contact Childline on 0800 1111 or visit www.childline.org.uk where she can contact
      ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      That same goes for you too if you want support and guidance on how to manage the situation, you can also speak to Childline, they will be able to help you.

      We hope this helps.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 25/06/2014

  • anonymous

    21/06/2014

    I dated my ex for two years and at first everything was great. However, after a while all he was doing was putting me down and hurting my feelings, at first it started as jokes then he just flat out started to insult me. I was so hurt and I started hating and blaming myself for it, I would think that if I were a better girlfriend he wouldn't insult me. Then he started to pin me down on the Floor when we'd argue and pinch me and twist my arms, but I kept telling myself it wasn't abuse. I felt so powerless and dumb. I grew up witnessing domestic violence and part of me knew it wasn't right but felt so alone. If he didn't like my friends I couldn't talk to them l, he would flirt with other girls in front of me and blame me. He constantly caused me of cheating or called me easy and would chec my phone and humiliate me by insulting me to his friends. 9 months ago he dumped me, saying I was nothing but a sex toy l, and is now dating on leaving of the other girl he would flirt with, and I'm relieved to be away from it all but at the same time I'm having a lot of problems getting over everything that happened. I'm afraid to trust anyone or move on, I still have the feelings of inferiority he instilled in me. I feel like it's stupid I can't move past things, like I should be over it by now, but I can't seem to get past the hurt he left me with. I'm seventeen years old and I feel like I should be able to deal with this alone, but it's not working out so well... how can I move on with my life and regain the self confidence and trust I used to have? And am I right to think this was abuse or am I overreacting?

    anonymous - 21/06/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your post. It's sounds like you've been through a really tough time.

      We’re sorry to hear you suffered abuse in your relationship. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of emotional of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do. Physical abuse can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour.

      A lot of people who have experienced all kinds of abuse will blame themselves. However, the responsibility lies solely with the abuser, never with you. This can be hard to get your head around. Just because the abuse went on for a long time, does not mean you were complicit in this. Please remember, you have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      We think it is really important that even though this may have happened a little while ago, you should still try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope this helps and that you get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 23/06/2014

  • Anonymous

    09/06/2014

    I am dating a man who is 30 years old and im almost 16. I really like him and have known him alittle from when i was small as he has been involved in our family. However i really like him and we was going to have sex but he goes he feels wrong and wants me to turn 16 first. I like him and he likes me and wants to do alot of stuff as his age is alot more than mine. Is it wrong for me and him to have sex if we are both ready ? Would he get in trouble?

    Anonymous - 09/06/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your message.

      It is a common myth that “everyone is doing it”, but the average age for having sex for the first time is 16. Many people wait until they’re older. You always have the right to withhold consent and don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.

      If you are under 16 it’s against the law for you to have sex. If your boyfriend is older than 16 he could be charged with rape if you enter into a sexual relationship with him. 


      If you want to speak to somebody in confidence you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope this gelps.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 10/06/2014

  • Georgia

    28/05/2014

    I am 15 years old and have been in a relationship for 2 and a half years. About 2 years ago, my boyfriend began to tell me what I could and couldn't do, what I could wear and who I could see.. I didn't think anything of this, I thought it was in my best interest until I started to go against his wishes and he became more violent and aggressive towards me. I have never properly spoke about this to anyone because I feel like nobody will listen or believe me when I tell them the way he treats me because everyone believes he is such a lovely person, who treats me like his princess. I have no friends, along with no confidence.

    Georgia - 28/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Georgia

      Thanks for posting. We're really sorry to hear what you're going through.

      We’re sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional and physical abuse in your relationship. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth.

      Signs of emotional abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do. Signs of physical abuse can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour.

      It’s very important to try and find someone you trust to talk to about what’s been happening in your relationship. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there, you’re not on your own.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope this helps and that you're able to find the support you deserve.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 29/05/2014

  • Erin

    24/05/2014

    Hi,
    I was just on the website after watching the Charlieissocoollike video on consent and was surfing the site and found the 'in the know' part. Am I correct in thinking that a female cannot be charged with a 'rape' of a man - only sexual assault - I was just confused. Could someone please explain? Thanks :)

    Erin - 24/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Erin

      Thanks for your post.

      The law says that rape can only be committed by a man as for the offence to be committed there must be intentional penetration of the mouth, vagina or anus of another person with a penis.

      A woman can be convicted of sexual assault, which includes other sexual acts (e.g. intentional penetration of the vagina or anus of another person with a part of her body or an object).

      Both rape and sexual assault are crimes and can result in imprisonment. You can read more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult

      We hope this helps answer your question.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 29/05/2014

  • Courtney

    20/05/2014

    Hi, just came here as a suggestion by friends for advice really as they've been very concerned with my current relationship. We've been together for about 8 months now and things were going fine, but I started to realise he would get a bit possessive and wouldn't speak to me because I had a lot of male friends and him and his friends would make fun of me and call me a slag. But things have taken a bad turn lately as at the start of the relationship when we were just dating I slept with someone else and didn't tell him. And recently he found out and I was really upset about it but he got really aggressive towards me and told me that my life wasn't worth living after what I did and everyone knew I was a whore and I would never get anyone better then him. My friends told me he was manipulating me and mentally abusing me. But he pressured me into getting back together saying things such as I owe it to him to give him a second chance, and has recently started saying that he wants to have sex but I have so many hesitations and don't want to, incase I'm just used for sex. I do feel it is all my fault and that I should try and carry on with the relationship even though I'm not allowed to talk to male friends anymore and he takes my phone off me and checks it all the time. I just don't know what to do. My friends say end the relationship before it becomes physical but I'm just scared of the outcomes. In particular he stopped me talking to my male best friend and threatened me saying if he ever caught me talking to him then he would hurt him to hurt me. I'm getting so confused in everything as because of sleeping with that guy I've lost all my close friends and don't really have anyone to talk to, even the guy I slept with hie is sending me abusive messages to me and my current boyfriend which also fuels his anger so much he tells me to be scared of him, my problem seems so insignificant compared to everyone else's here. Just came to find some advice. Is this all my fault? I'm just so confused now

    Courtney - 20/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Courtney

      Thanks for your post, it sounds like you’re going through a really tough time.

      We’re sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional abuse in your relationship. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      What’s more, it’s important that you know everyone has the right to say no to sex or to any sexual activity. You should never feel pressured in to sex, it is always your choice. If you are forced then this is rape.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      We’re not sure how old you are from your post, but if you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope this helps and you get the help and support you deserve.

      Best wishes
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 21/05/2014

  • lucy pickering

    16/05/2014

    i think this is good beacuse it tells you what sort of abuse there is and how they can help

    lucy pickering - 16/05/2014

    Reply
  • Jessica

    12/05/2014

    Around half a year ago, I was with my ex boyfriend and a friend at his house, and he suggested hiding in the bathroom for a mild joke from my friend who was downstairs with his mother. We went into the toilet and after a minute or so, he began touching my body and kissing my neck and face, but I froze up and became very quiet and still. He then turned me around, so I was leaning slightly over the toilet and started pulling my bottoms down and removing his own. I then told him that I didn't know if I wanted to, but he proceeded and inserted himself into me. Because I'd frozen up it took 10 or so seconds before I turned around, pulled my clothes up and asked him to let me out of the toilet. Is this rape? I didn't particularly resist him physically, so would that mean I am to blame equally? I also feel it may be an insult to victims of much more serious attacks to address it so.

    Prior and after this incident, this individual had groped and harassed me, as well as tried to degrade and upset me verbally (calling me a 'slut' or a 'cheat' for example on more than one occasion). However, he often made me feel guilty for rejecting his advances and apologized for upsetting me, perhaps not purposely however. He would also pin me down and forcibly touch, kiss and attempt to undress me, and would only stop if I started crying. He seemed to enjoy the struggling, and verbally telling him no never worked. If I hit him to get him off, it seemed to excite him further. Again, I feel partly to blame, as I kept seeing him, and setting myself up for his behaviour. At the time of these incidents, I was in a relationship with a friend of his, and he also made me feel guilty about this. I would feel terrible for my boyfriend at the time, as I would have to tell him about it in detail every time it occurred.

    I suppose my question is, was it my fault these things happened so frequently? Maintaining a friendship with him seemed so important at the time, and I told myself he wouldn't do anything before seeing him, and every time I was wrong.

    Jessica - 12/05/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Jessica

      Thanks for your post. We're so sorry to hear about what you've been through.

      A lot of people who have experienced all kinds of abuse will blame themselves. However, the responsibility lies solely with the abuser, never with you. This can be hard to get your head around and just because the abuse went on for a long time, does not mean you were complicit in this. Please remember, you have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about, it was not your fault, and there was nothing you could do to prevent it.

      We think it is really important that even though this happened a little while ago, you should still try to speak to someone about this if you can.
      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a serious crime and it should be reported.

      Please try and find someone you trust to talk to - a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you; they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      We hope this helps.

      Take care
      Best wishes

      This Is Abuse team 12/05/2014

  • Anon

    12/05/2014

    Ive been with my boyfriend nearly 3 years. The start of the relationship was great but now when we have arguments they last for 3-4 days and he also gets very violent . He constantly tells me he hates me and that no ones wants me. He makes me feel so bad about myself. I feel scared to talk sometimes because he'll threaten me and tell me to shut up. He always make me out to be the bad one and i always seem to apologising. I love him but i dont know if i can be with him anymore. What should i do?

    Anon - 12/05/2014

    Reply
    • this happens to me, it breaks my heart, my bf calls me ugly, stupid, he says he hates me...he calls me a bitch..i dont know why as i dont do anything to be treated like that..its really upsetting because he makes me feel like i am not worth anything, and other people say i am beautiful..people who i dont even know...but shouldnt that be him telling me? im confused and very upset.

      d - 15/06/2014

    • Hi there

      Thanks for your post, it sounds like you are going through a really tough time.

      Wa're sorry to hear you've been suffering physical and emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal and it can seriously damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of
      physical abuse can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour. Signs of emotional abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and
      support is out there, you’re not on your own.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between
      Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      I hope that this helps and that you get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care
      Best wishes

      This Is Abuse team 12/05/2014

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