This is ABUSE

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Results: 30 - 45 of 2279

  • FedUp


    Ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years, it all started out fine and it seemed like he was mature and sweet, and he would always say he would take care of me. A few months later it all started goin south. He made me choose between him and my best friend, and because i was so in love with him, i couldnt bare to have my heart broken, so i chose him. Eventually over time i lost all my friends and i was lonely. He would always say i dont make him happy and i had to do what he wishes for him to be happy. I got into university and he didnt want me going, he made me feel like i was nothing and that if i went to uni, he would leave me and have nothing to do with me, i was still under his thumb and didnt go to university. I made friends at college and everytime i would go out with them, he would purposely start a fight. Every week he would start an argument and make me feel like it was my fault, he even beat me up once in a car park. He would send me threats and tell me he would hurt me and kill my family. Time went on and i was diagnosed with cancer, he said he would be there for me through it, but he only made me feel so rubbish! He would swear at me and call me nasty names, telling me i deserved to have cancer and how he wished i would die, all because i was sleeping a lot and he felt he didnt have my attention. Even to this day he accuses me of cheating and doesnt want me doing things that i would want to do. I changed my number and he had a friend who works at a phone shop find my new number and he kept harrassing me, he stilk threatens to kill my family and hurt me anytime i may make him angry. No matter what i feel like i cant escape and he wont let me go, and im scared that he will hurt my family. I started a new job and he has people watch me. Sometimes i just wish i was dead

    FedUp FedUp - 20/03/2015

    • Hi, thanks for coming forward to talk about your experiences. It sounds like it has been really scary for you and some of your boyfriend’s behaviours seem really dangerous. Controlling behaviour, such as making you choose between him and your friend is abuse and it is never ok for someone to physically hurt you. I would encourage you to talk to someone about what you have been going through and there are lots of services available which can provide support and advice. You can call the national domestic violence helpline on 0808 2000 247, or you could contact your local domestic abuse service which may be listed on If you ever feel like you are in immediate danger though you should contact the police. Please remember that this is not your fault, you don’t deserve to be treated in this way and there are people that can help you.
      This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team - 10/04/2015

  • A.R


    Me and my ex were just starting to get along again and we got close again. We hugged one day and the next we kissed, and I didnt mind kissing, but then he put his hands down my pants after I had said no several times, I really like him, and he's an amazing friend... I dont think he really knew what he were doing, I dont think he even realises what he has done... but im sascared and ive called off everything with him, im just scared to see him now, I know he wont do it again, im just scared... I have no idea what to say or do.

    A.R - 19/03/2015

    • Hi A.R
      Thanks for getting in contact. Whether you are attracted to somebody or not they have no right to force themselves on you. It sounds like you were very clear that you did not want this to happen and told him on several occasions. If you are being forced or pressured into any sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with that is totally unacceptable, and no one should be putting you in that position. Please understand that what happened was not your fault and you are not to blame. I would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important to speak up about what you’ve been going through. If you are under 18 you can get help and advice by calling Childline on 0800 1111, they won’t judge you, they will listen and give you advice to help you talk about what happened. Or you can visit their website where you can contact them by email or text or chat to a counsellor online. If you are over 18, you can call the National Freephone Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      I hope this is helpful.
      This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 10/04/2015

  • emily


    My boyfriends generally so loving and adores me but there'r points where hes always checking my phone and telling me how worthless i am and how hes the only one who really loves me. I'm scared i'm starting to believe everything he says to me.
    He forces me to send nudes of myself or else he refuses to speak at all but he doesn't show anyone.
    He calls me at night and stays on the line till morning to make sure i'm at home and not sneaking out with someone. I love him but i'm scared for myself

    emily - 17/03/2015

    • HI Emily

      I am really glad you got in touch as I am very concerned about you. You say your boyfriend can be loving and adores you, but the way he is treating you is extremely abusive.

      It is never ok to check someone's phone or to put them down. And it is very controlling and abusive to make you stay on the phone all night to check up on where you are. This is not a relationship that is based on trust and respect.

      Also, forcing you to send nude images is also abusive, regardless of him showing them to anyone else or not.

      You deserve to be treated with love and respect and to be trusted. Emotional abuse and control are very serious and never acceptable.

      Here are some tips on staying safe:

      Only you can decide if you want to stay with him but I am really worried about you and unfortunately he is unlikely to change unless he takes responsibility for his actions and gets professional support to change. This is not your responsibility.
      I promise you that most men are not abusive, and you have done nothing to deserve this.

      Does anyone else know what has been happening? It is a good idea to tell people who can support you like friends and family but also professionals who can help, maybe a doctor, someone at school/college/uni/work and you can call the domestic violence helpline anytime to talk confidentially - 0808 2000 247.

      We have a live chat session on here tonight between 6-7 if you want to talk more.

      You have been really brave in talking about this, so please get the support you need,
      take care

      This is Abuse team - 31/03/2015

  • jimmy


    I have been through abuse for 3 years help me

    jimmy - 17/03/2015

    • Hi Jimmy

      Thanks for your message.

      I am really sorry to hear that you have been experiencing abuse for so long.

      I am not sure exactly what sort of abuse or from whom, but there are lots of places that can support you no matter what the situation.
      Have a look on our help pages as they have a list of different organisations according to the support you need.

      If you need more detailed support perhaps you can write again and tell us a bit more about what has been happening.
      take care

      This is Abuse team - 31/03/2015

  • Candy


    I'm 18 turning 19 in a months time and I have been seeing this guy who is 20 for just under 2 years , he says we " can't be together properly " for other reasons , anyway I'm not really sure if it's abuse but I think it's kind of wrong but anyway during the time of us seeing each other our relasionship has always been based on intimacy , and when I don't want to he gets mad and angry about the fact I don't want to ? Sometimes when we are being intimate and I ask him to stop he dosent stop and has ahold of me so I can't moove but after 10-20 seconds of me telling him to stop again he does , also there was a occasion where he asked to come to my house to get intimate and when I said no he threated me although he has never been violent to me before ? He also borrowed money off me and promised to give it back which was 2 weeks ago and I still haven't got it back ? I just want to know if this is all normal or not ?

    Candy - 16/03/2015

    • Hi Candy

      Thank you for your message, it's good that you are looking for advice and support.

      It is never ok for someone to not listen when you don't want to be intimate, and to carry on having sex when you don't want to is rape. Holding you down when you have said no is very abusive.

      It does not sound like this is a caring and healthy relationship. Only you can decide if you want to stay with him, but I am concerned for your well-being. It does not sound like things are going to improve.

      Here is some info about consent:

      And about staying safe:

      I hope this helps
      take care

      This is Abuse team - 31/03/2015

  • Ellie


    Hi my boyfreind has always been aggressive but not to a point to injure me. When we argue he grabs me and pushes me but not hard so I've overlooked it but the other day we were arguing and he jumped on me and shouted in my face and raised his hand to me but that's as far as it went he never hit me afterwards he has continually been apologising to me and saying he wasn't actually going to hit me. He says he will never ever do it again and says he knows it's wrong. We have been together a year and something and I love him so I don't know what to do I need some advice ?

    Ellie - 16/03/2015

    • Hi Ellie,

      Thanks for coming forward to share your experiences. It sounds like it must be really scary for you. Your boyfriend's behaviour is completely unacceptable and he has to choose to address it.

      I'm worried that his behaviour is getting worse, like you said, it started with pushing but in the most recent incident he almost went to hit you. Nobody has the right to treat another person like that.

      It's really important for you to have a think about how you can keep yourself as safe as possible. Have you talked to anybody about what is happening? It might be helpful to tell someone you trust who can keep an eye out in case things get worse. You might also have a young person's Independent Domestic Violence Advisor who could work with you to make sure you are as safe as possible.

      You can find information at or by calling the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      I think it's really important that you speak to someone about what is happening because your boyfriend's behaviour is abusive.

      Take care,


      This is Abuse team - 29/03/2015

  • Jamie-lee


    I recently broke up with my boyfriend who my family says was abusive. It wasn't until we broke up and I spoke to people about it that I realised something was wrong. I am 24 years old and this was my first relationship as I have Aspergers syndrome or ASD so I struggle with social situations and communication anyway. A big trait of my aspergers is my sensory hypersensitivity, mainly of touch. I tried really hard to overcome this and deal with it even though the smallest of touch generally hurts.
    He started to get really pushy and would try and force me into intercourse, which was incredibly painful as he would never prepare us. He was very rough and impatient, but when I said I didn't want to he would say sometimes you need to force a person to show them there is nothing to be scared of. But I started getting more scared, which made it more painful, I think that frustrated him and that's why he was so impatient. He would demand things and say that instead of intercourse I would just have to pleasure him a different way because it was my fault he was aroused, he would force me to pleasure him, is this considered abusive? Afterwards he would apologize for being a jerk and brush it off.
    But because of this I have developed a fear on top of the touch hypersensitivity that makes me repulsed or I'll even at basic human contact. I have gotten even more nervous around males because I know the damage they can inflict, which I know is irrational but its not something I can control. When we argued he would try to force me to accept his point of view, grabbing my shoulders, shaking me or pinning me down or to something until I agreed with him. I thought all this was normal, because he insisted it was like that in all relationships and I had no previous experience due to difficulties with my Aspergers syndrome. But now I don't know what to do because it has impacted me negatively a lot more than I have told my family, as they don't know the extent of what happened. Even seeing a happy couple kissing is enough to make me anxious and panicked. Was what happened abuse? And what kind? Also how do I stop myself being so scared around males because I know this is extremely offensive to them. He has recently got in touch asking me to start another relationship because he's trying to change, but I don't know what to do.

    Jamie-lee - 14/03/2015

    • Hi Jamie-Lee,

      Thanks for sharing your experiences. I'm glad the relationship has ended, it sounds like it was very abusive.

      Firstly, no one should force you to do anything sexually that you do not want to do. It is not your fault that your partner is aroused, that is completely out of your control. It is his fault for acting on these urges and for forcing you to do things you didn't want to do then he was breaking the law and would be considered a sexual assault.

      I'm really glad you've talked to others about what has been happening. Would you consider talking to a professional around what has happened? You local domestic violence service may have counselling that sounds like it would really benefit you. You could find them on google or by calling 0808 2000 247.

      Nobody has the right to make you do something like this, and I really hope you access some support.

      Take care,

      This is Abuse team - 25/03/2015

  • Sarah


    Hi, I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 2 years and have been separated for nearly a year now.
    He has came back into my life professing that he's changed, has been on a perpetrator course, cut his drinking down and is seeking counselling.
    So I decided to test the waters and not enter back in the relationship but just see how things go but the more emotionally attached we are becoming to one another old habits are creeping in. He was very manipulative and left me an emotional wreck to which I decided to attend domestic abuse programs( to educate and become aware of what abuse actually is). I've also realised I have codependent behaviours which I am currently working on.
    So here's my started when I'd had too much to drink and I shouted at him for all the hurt he'd caused to which he didn't retaliate he remained calm, the next morning he said he didn't like me getting in them states. After a little thinking I agreed that I wouldn't want treat like that so I would cut my drinking down so I wouldn't put either of us in that predicament again.
    I thought that was the end of that but he was working away I went out with friends the following week me knowing I was just having a few. When I told him I was going out he went in a huff and said I worry about when you go out in case anything happens to you or if you get too drunk and someone takes advantage.
    The next incident was when he said I wasn't contacting him enough, that it's obviously a chore to get in touch, he always makes sure he's available for me. He speaks to me on a morning, ,lunch time and evening and wants messages in between. To be quite honest that's a lot to me.
    I would just like any opinions weather you think these are unreasonable expectations ?

    Sarah - 14/03/2015

    • Hi Sarah,

      It sounds like it has been a really tough time for you. I think it's really important to remember that your relationship has previously been abusive, and no matter how much support you access there will still be some doubt in your mind that it may happen again.

      I'm really glad that you have accessed help and support, but there is nothing stopping you going back to the service and asking for some more at this time.

      Because I don't know very much about your relationship it is hard to make a judgement, but you know it and have lived in it. You may need to follow your gut instinct. If something is telling you that it is not right, or that you are still not happy then you may need to act on that instinct.

      You have been really strong previously and made decisions at to what you wanted to happen next. If you are still not happy in this relationship then you may need to make another decision.

      I hope this helps. If you would like to talk more we run a live chat session on Tuesday and Wednesday from 6pm-7pm. Or you can call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,

      This is Abuse team - 25/03/2015

  • Charlotte


    I was in a abusive relationship in 2010 and I only managed to get out of it in 2014, I was made to feel like it was normal, like it was my fault? I suffered in silence I didn't tell anyone I would cover my bruises with make up or anything I could find if someone asked I'd say I fell off the bed or walked into something the usual rubbish explanations. I wasn't allowed to see my friends, if I met anybody he would tell me I had a set amount of time to get back to the house before he would hurt himself, as soon as I would get back I would get abused.. Punched, slapped, he'd pull my hair and bite me or maybe throw me down the stairs if I disagreed with him, I didn't think I would survive his blows, him putting cushions over my face so I couldn't breath or just stranegling me. I've never spoke to anyone about this really, some people say I shouldn't have stayed for that long but he made me think that nobody else would want me he would constantly say I'm fat or ugly, slag, whore and every other name under the sun. I can't begin to start with what I went through with him, I'd come close to taking an overdose or other ways to get out of the depression and hurt. But I finally escaped him it took a while, but now I still can't trust anybody, I flinch when someone touches ME.. He still lives around the corner and honestly it scares me because not long ago he pulled me into his car and driven me to his, where he tried to sexually abuse me. But I was strong enough this time to get away from him, I hope people see this and realise that there is a way out and it's not too late. Yes I still live in fear but I'm not being controlled by someone anymore, I'm not expecting to walk through a door and get abused anymore, I'm free.. But I'm yet to get over the mental scars I am left with.

    Charlotte - 13/03/2015

    • Hi Charlotte,

      Thanks for sharing your experiences. It sounds like it was really scary, and is still fairly scary now.

      There are lots of options available for you, but firstly I think it's really important for you to access some support. You could access some emotional support to address what you have been through. You might want to consider some counseling. There are lots of different ways to access counselling. You could speak to your GP who could refer you to NHS counselling. Alternatively, you could contact your local domestic violence service who may have specific domestic abuse counselling support.

      I think it might also be really helpful to speak to a domestic violence support service around how you could keep safe if he is still contact you. It sounds like his behaviour is really dangerous! I would suggest you call the Police is you feel scared at any point.

      His behaviour is completely unacceptable, and you need make sure you are keeping as safe as possible.

      If you want to talk with someone you can call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247. You will also be able to find your local service on google. You should not feel ashamed or embarrassed to talk about what has happened. It is not your behaviour that is wrong, it is his.

      I hope you access some help! Take care.

      This is Abuse team - 24/03/2015

  • Franky


    Hi I'm feeling so incredibly lonely and broken right now. My boyfriend has started to be come very aggressive in how he talks to me and he's even started to point and nudge me which I know from previous experience is where it all starts. I never thought he would treat me like this. He keeps saying to me this is my house you follow my rules and do what I say and behave. I feel so torn apart it just hurts! The other day he drove off in a strop because I said to him that I think he should drive his friend to the house (it was really late at night and in the middle of nowhere) rather than down the road. He went mad and drove like crazy and drove off without me having my seat belt on and then braked heavily that I nearly hit my head on the windscreen and my door wasn't shut properly either. I got told that I need to do what I'm told. I honestly can't believe how sad I feel right now!
    I just would really like a cuddle and to be told that everything will be ok but I don't think it will. :-(

    Franky - 12/03/2015

    • Hi Franky,

      Thanks for coming forward and sharing your experiences. It sounds like a really unhappy and scary place to be.

      I think you have a good understanding of what is happening. You show that you understand his behaviour is abusive and that it is escalating.

      Often we see abusive people begin with emotional and verbal abuse, which progresses to physical and it seems that you are concerned that the physical is beginning.

      I understand it can really difficult to move forward from where you are, but you do not have to do this alone. If you contact your local domestic abuse service who will be able to offer you emotional support and advise you as you go through this difficult transition period. You can find them on Google, at or call the National helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      You have definitely made the first steps by acknowledging what is happening. If your partner is not willing to address his behaviour then you need to put your safety and wellbeing first. You are not to blame for his behaviour. He has chosen to behave like this.

      I really hope you access some support.

      Take care,

      This is Abuse team - 22/03/2015

  • Anonymous


    I'm an abuser

    Anonymous - 12/03/2015

    • Hi thanks for coming forward.

      It is really difficult to acknowledge when you are using abuse against someone and the first step is admitting it to yourself.

      There are organizations that do work with men and women to change their behaviour towards partners and ex-partners, they run violence prevention programs which run for around 30 weeks looking at what abuse is, the different forms that it takes, exploring different methods to control abusive behaviour and the impact that it has on your partner and any children.

      If you want to go to the next step and access this support you can contact the Respect Helpline on 0808 802 4040. They also have a website with some great resources to read

      I hope you access some help.


      This is Abuse team - 18/03/2015

  • Zena


    I'm so low and lost, this is my house and this person who i thought I knew hates me and my daughter, i need help getting him out the house as he has severe anger towards me and my family, his family know what he's like and don't help and make him stay with us, i need help i don't want to be around anymore, he won't leave and threatens me with he'll take our baby's away and always says it's my fault that he is mad, his own family said he's always been that way, i have no one to turn to and fear of phoning the police as his family would give us so much trouble for it. Please someone help i can't take it anymore.

    Zena - 11/03/2015

    • Hi Zena,

      Thanks for coming forward to talk about this. It sounds like you're in a really scary situation.

      There are lots of organisations that would be able to help you. I would recommend contacting your local domestic abuse service, you can find them on google but also by contacting the national helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      If you access a domestic violence service they may be able to assist you in getting a Non-Molestation Order which is an Order from the court telling your partner that he cannot contact you directly or indirectly, through other people. They can also assist you in getting an Occupation Order which will tell your partner that he is not allowed to live at your property anymore.

      If you are not able to get these orders they will assist you in other ways to keep you as safe as possible.

      They will also be able to help you access some emotional support like counseling so that you don't feel so low and lost.

      Nobody has the right to make another person feel like this, and it is really important that you access some help.

      Take care,


      This is Abuse team - 18/03/2015

  • Tab


    My ex boyfriend has nude pictures of me I would like him to delete them but he wouldn't he's married now and he won't leave me alone I feel liking telling his wife but I'm scared incase he does something with my pictures I even got his but I wouldn't like to do that I'm not that childish

    Tab - 10/03/2015

    • Hi Tab,

      Thanks for getting in touch. This can be really difficult because I imagine that originally you sent him the photos. He is not doing anything wrong with them unless he is showing them to other people.

      If he does show people he might be breaking the law. Childline have some really helpful advice here They have a section at the bottom that explains what to do if someone threatens to share your photos.

      I think telling his wife might put you in a more compromising position, but it is your decision. If he is pestering or harassing you then you can inform the police. They may may give him a harassment warning.

      It must be really difficult, so if you need to talk to someone you could call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,


      This is Abuse team - 18/03/2015

  • Anonymous


    I'm unsure if I'm in an abusive relationship. My partner has many issues of his own and is very vulnerable and has low self esteem due to his upbringing. He puts me on this pedistole and makes me feel like the most special, loved person. But when he gets angry or feels low he puts me down by calling me a slut or ugly. It's almost like he's arguing with himself because I know he says those things because he feels like I'm too good for him. He also smokes weed which makes things worse. I'm a strong opinionated woman and I try to listen when hes upset or angry about stuff (to do with work family or friends) but if I dear to go against him or loose my temper because I'm only human and say I'm sick of him complaining he goes crazy. I think people take his kindness for weakness and he's really soft to other people (who take him for granted) but when it comes to arguing with me he becomes scary and aggressive. All his anger for other people gets taken out on me. I moved in with him a few months ago and we had an argument the other day. He told me to leave and threatened to hit me. Although he's a big guy I stood up to him because I felt like backing down would make me a victim and I had to let know I refused to be threatened and bullied. He said he would slap me if I didn't do as he asked so I emptied a wicket basket full of stuff on the floor and threw it at him. I know that makes me wrong. He then threw a aerosol deodorant can at me and it hit me in the face. My face swelled up so much we thought my jaw was broken. Now he says sorry but says actions have a reaction and because he's a guy that's why he's in the wrong. He says he didn't mean to hurt me but to throw it that hard I think he did. Or he doesn't have control. I don't know if we can get past this? If I had been calm it wouldn't of happened. Is there any salvaging our rekationship or is it just going to get worse...?

    Anonymous - 09/03/2015

    • Hi,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like you're having a really tough time. Your partner's behaviour is completely unacceptable. He is choosing to take out his anger on you, this suggests that he has control over it. If he had no control he would take it out on the people making him angry rather than storing it up for when he gets home.

      Smoking cannabis does not justify his behaviour. A lot of people smoke cannabis and are not violent or abusive to his partner. However, if he feels this is contributing to his behaviour then he needs to stop smoking it, or at least get some help to stop smoking it.

      All of these are his choices. He has to decide to address what he is doing.

      It is never ok to use violence, and I understand that you acted out of frustration. This is often called violent resistance, but this can increase your risk of getting injured, which was highlighted by your partner's actions.

      If you had a daughter and she told you her partner was behaving this way what advice would you give her?

      It sounds like it might be best for you to take some time apart to remove yourself from a dangerous situation and see if your partner is willing to access some help.

      Have you thought about accessing help? You could access your local domestic abuse service who can support you, your experiences must have been emotionally draining and they will be able to work with you to address this. You can google them or contact the national helpline on 0808 2000 247 to find out who your nearest support service is.

      I really hope you access some help.

      Take care,

      This is Abuse team - 18/03/2015

  • Kita


    Hi, I have just managed to leave an abusive relationship which lasted around 2 years, I was in love with the guy and excused all his abusive behaviors and i would feel sorry for him because i knew he had mental problems. I tried to be there for him all the time and nothing seemed to cut it for him. He was violent at times with me and woul make me feel so worthless. I want to be happy i want to move on, but i feel im having a very hard time moving on despite being put through so much pain. I dont know what to do

    Kita - 08/03/2015

    • Hi Kita
      Thanks for your message.
      I am sure lots of people will relate to what you have said.
      It is really common for people who are being abused to make excuses for the abuse, as it hurts so much to think someone you love is choosing to hurt you.

      Unfortunately, having mental health issues is not an excuse for being abusive. You did nothing wrong and I am really glad you are no longer in that relationship.

      But, even if someone is abusive, it can be hard to move on and it can take a long time to cope with the realisation of what happened.

      Some people liken this time to a period of grief. You are mourning for what you hoped the relationship could be, the person you fell in love with as well as your self-esteem and confidence.But the final stage of grief is all about moving forwards and adjusting to a new world without the abuse and the person who abused you. Now is the time to build up your-self esteem and to plan your happy and safe future. It may take a while but you have already started that journey and have so much to look forward to.

      This may be a good time to reach out to friends and family for support, or to access counselling via your GP. You can also search for local domestic violence support services here:

      This handbook may help also as it has info about what to do at this stage, after leaving the relationship:

      I really hope this helps,
      take care

      This is Abuse team - 09/03/2015

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