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This is ABUSE

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Results: 30 - 45 of 2116

  • Shannon

    18/07/2014

    I'm 16 my boyfriends 18 and I've been with him 2years ,am really scared on what to do because everyone says he treats me horrible but I love him to much and I don't no weather this is abuse but he had my fb password and I'm not allowed his ,he can go out but I carnt. He uses my email and everything so everything gose to him first so I've had to use a different email erm he has a tracker on my phone to check were I am and he can go out with girls and do what he likes but if a lad as a friend speaks to me and I reply back as a friend he makes me out to be alll kinds of dirty things , he'll argue with me and leave me when he wants and he knows I'll run after him i do everything for you but he makes me feel worthless he tells me what clothes to wear when me and him go out and he'll tell me weather I look after than my age and if I don't he'll comment like get changed ,if he upsets me and I cry he'll call me names like freak and everything or he'll threaten to tell my mum aload of lies about me if I don't send him pictures or dose as he says and I don't no what to do anymore :(

    Shannon - 18/07/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Shannon

      Thanks for your post. We're really sorry to hear what you're going through.

      Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of emotional abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      Staying in a relationship where you are being emotionally abused could cause you to lose your self-esteem and confidence. An abusive, violent or controlling relationship is not normal or acceptable; nobody needs to tolerate this behaviour and if the bullying is making you worried you need to speak to a trusted adult.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope that this helps and that you're able to get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 01/08/2014

  • Ella

    17/07/2014

    I realise this isn't necessarily the right place to post this, but I don't know where else I can ask. I went to a party and got drunk. I know that's not okay. I'm not going to do it again. I just didn't realise how much I'd had.
    Anyway, I had a couple of friends staying over afterwards, and a boy that I often speak to at parties didn't have anywhere to stay so I said he could come over. I had sex with him and I really regret it. I was completely drunk and I said I didn't want to do it but I was laughing and not really doing anything about it. I completely went with it so it's not exactly his fault. I wish I'd been stronger at saying no but I wasn't at all thinking straight.
    Does it sound like abuse/rape? I don't know where I stand with it.

    Ella - 17/07/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Ella

      Thanks for your post.

      Rape is when a man forces his penis into the mouth, anus or vagina of another person when that person doesn't want him to do so; the law calls this 'without consent'. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a crime and it should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      It does not matter if you know the person or if they are a stranger. When someone makes you do something you do not want to do, it means you are not consenting and it is rape. It also does not matter if you start out by saying yes and then change your mind, or if you feel like you have 'given in'.

      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information. You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can find out more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult

      We hope that this helps, and that you're able to get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 01/08/2014

  • sammy

    17/07/2014

    Can anyone help me.... been split up with my ex for months now but he's still obsessive. If I don't reply he constantly calls me, he won't me move on. He scares me and in 2 occasions he's laid he's hands on me. I've told him so many times in a nice way it's over and he needs to move on he calls me ungrateful that I'm the c word etc he calls me so many names and while we was together we swapped pics but if I upset him he threatenes to put them on Fb and to send them to my family I'm 19 I dunno what to do I'm so scared now and I don't wanna cope with it anymore. He's got problems with anger and he takes pills becsuse he gets depressed any help please

    sammy - 17/07/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your message and we’re sorry to hear you’ve been going through a tough time and suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      It’s very important to try and find someone you trust to talk to about what’s been happening in your relationship. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there, you’re not on your own.

      As you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) who can provide help and advice.

      We hope this helps

      Best wishes
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 18/07/2014

  • Natalie

    14/07/2014

    I started seeing my boyfriend about 2012 and it started off great but then a month later a girl had kissed him and he had moved away and when he told me i was very forgiving and had accepted that it was the girls fault and that he had moved away although i was still very angry. a couple months into our relationship he started changing and becoming very annoyed at me talking to my male friends and eventually i gave in and stopped talking to boys via social networks by mid march 2013. Eventually things go worse i hid a few times that i had spoken to boys and when he found out he got very angry and started saying things like he will kiss another girl and hook up with them shouting at me and watching me cry as i begged him not too. This continued for many months and through our last stages of high school he lost his mates as he was always with me although i have been told that it was not my fault he lost his friends and my other peers say it was because of the way he treated me people disliked him but when he's angry he blames me and till this day i still believe it is my fault why he has no friends. In the summer of 2013 he told me to stop talking to one of my best friends as he didn't like her. he also stopped me from going out with my friends i had no social life and no boys on my phone and if i was caught or my friend was mentioning a boy on my phone he would get angry at me i was mentally scared. When sixth form started things began to get worse arguments about boys speaking to me in class became a issue and i was told to tell boys not to talk to me i had even had to stop talking to by boy best friend who now hates me. As he had no friends in school i was constantly with him during my lunch and all breaks and free periods and if i had a free lesson while he was in lesson i was told to sit in the library and not allowed to enter the common room. Through out the whole of year 12 i have not had much hang out time with my friends and i have always been with me. He has also been physically aggressive with me hitting me with his crutches on time to pinches and hard pushing till i fell on the floor. School had noticed our strange relationship and called my mum in i told them part of the truth but i cannot let go of him because i feel guilty he has no one and i still care of him, although i am tired of this life i have to live sometimes i wish i could just drop dead and everything would go away. I lost one of my closest friends and there is nothing i can do about it he tells me its for the best because she was a "bitch". i really want my old life back and things just seem to get worse day by day and now he says i don't love him or show that i care when i feel i do. i don't know what to do can someone help me?

    Natalie - 14/07/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Natalie

      Thanks for your message, it sounds like you’ve been going through a really tough time. We’re sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there. It’s also really important to try and find someone you trust to talk to if you’re feeling depressed or suicidal - there are people who understand, and who can help you deal with the problems you are going through.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      The Samaritans can also help; take a look at their website at http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ or email jo@samaritans.co.uk. You can also call the Samaritans helpline on 08457 909090.

      We hope this helps
      Best wishes
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 18/07/2014

  • .

    14/07/2014

    Is there a 1-1 chat option???

    . . - 14/07/2014

    Reply
    • Hi
      Sorry however the 121 chat function is currently not available.

      This may be made available later in the year, so please keep checking the site.

      Thanks
      This is Abuse

      This Is Abuse team 22/07/2014

  • Abby

    13/07/2014

    hi, i'm 15 and i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 months. at first we were very cuddly and had no problems with kissing and hugging/ snuggling etc. but a few weeks ago e were kissing and he pulled me on top of him. i didn't really have a problem with it. in fact i liked that he wanted to be a little bit more physical. we kissed for a while and then he tried to touch my breasts. i pushed him away from embarrassment and he asked me if i wanted him to stop. i said i felt OK and we continued. then he tried again. he stopped and told me i sounded a little scared and asked me if i wanted him to stop, i felt uncomfortable so i said yes. when he left that night i felt embarrassed . not of what i had done but just of my body. i am quite a self conscious person.
    the next day he came over again, we were cuddling on the sofa and kissing and in the moment, he tried again. this time i let him. i didn't really mind. since then, our relationship has grown more intimate. he knows i don't want to have sex and he knows what i am comfortable with and what i am not.
    yesterday, we were cuddling, watching a film and nobody was around. we were kissing and getting a little closer and then he started rubbing my upper leg. this made me a little uneasy but i let him continue. then he started rubbing my crotch (over the top of my clothes) it startled me and i tried pushing his arm away gently as i really like him and didn't want him to feel like he was doing something extremely wrong. as he did it he continued to kiss me ( not wanting to be rude i kissed back) we both got carried away. i didn't know what to do. i was flustered and scared and embarrassed. i was pushing his arm and shoulder to try and get him to stop but he didn't. he began touching me harder and then he stopped. at no point did he go underneath my clothes but he did try but i shoved his arm away and then felt a little bad. i was relieved that he had stopped yet i still felt very uncomfortable and embarrassed. he said "are you OK?" i was laying on the sofa with my hands over my face and i mumbled "yes". i saw the look on his face. he looked a little worried. he said "did you want me to stop? i feel really awkward now " i told him that i was pushing him away to get him to stop and he began crying. he said he was so sorry and that he didn't mean to push me further than i wanted to go. ever since he did that i have been feeling really rubbish about myself. i don't know how to talk to him about how he made me feel. i like him and don't want to end our relationship. was this abuse or was it my fault for not being more rough and pushing him off me? i just felt scared and frozen in the moment. i didn't know what to do. please help.

    Abby - 13/07/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your message, and we’re sorry to hear about how you’ve been feeling.

      It is a common myth that “everyone is doing it”, but the average age for having sex for the first time is 16. Many people wait until they’re older. You always have the right to withhold consent and don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. If he cares for you he will understand why you want to wait.

      As you are under 16 it’s against the law for you to have sex. If you want to speak to somebody in confidence you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope this helps

      Best wishes
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 18/07/2014

  • gugi

    13/07/2014

    He loves me n I love him too. Every time we get stuck on a point he says I misbehave. He does not let me talk to him in a bad mood. And then he shouts at me. Calls me names. Wishes that I be dead. Regrets the moment he started this relationship. Disrespects my family. But I love him so much that I forgive him. He never asks fr forgiveness n when I say I have forgiven him, he gets more angry. I don't wanna lose him. I promise him 5 years ago that I will never leave him becauseof his bad temper. I m keeping my promise.

    gugi - 13/07/2014

    Reply
    • Hi There

      Thank you for your message. It sounds like you’ve been going through a tough time.

      We’re sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope this helps
      Best wishes
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 18/07/2014

  • MumOF4

    11/07/2014

    For 10 yrs I was in an abusive relationship, abusive in all ways except sexually, It's left me with no confidence, low self esteem, depressed, and suicidal at times in the past. It's been 3 months since I found the strength to leave and my family think I should be over it now, but it's not that easy especially as I can't cut him out completely due to us having kids, I've just been told by a family member that I need to stop playing on it and get over it as I've just had a set back after my ex revealed the design he's having tattooed on his leg this week...it's a crying angel (he called me angel for the whole of our relationship, well during the good days) to me he's having me tattooed on this leg n it's making me feel sick...am I wrong for feeling this way? I'm being made to feel like I am :(

    MumOF4 - 11/07/2014

    Reply
    • Hi There

      Thanks for your message, we’re really sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through and that you’ve been suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      Even though you have left the relationship, we would still encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      If you are feeling suicidal or particularly distressed it’s important you try and find someone you trust to talk to. The Samaritans can help; take a look at their website at http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ or email jo@samaritans.co.uk. You can also call the Samaritans helpline on 08457 909090.


      We hope this helps

      Best wishes
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 18/07/2014

  • Tina

    08/07/2014

    It is important to explain that abuse can be all types of behaviour. You don't have to experience the examples stated. Abuse I experience comes in the form of neglect & disregard for me completely, leaving me feeling isolated vulnerable but still responsible for another adult aswell as myself. Depriving someone of love & care can eventually destroy your well being self esteem & confidence.
    I used to believe it wasn't abuse as I have no injuries and I don't experience the typical examples that are always shown.

    Tina - 08/07/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Tina
      My name is Kay and I have been with a guy for two years. He does not really care about being affectionate towards me. He says it is not the greatest value. But I so need it. He is emotionally unavailable and when I mentioned that maybe we should just become friends, he got angry and did not want to speak to me.
      I feel depressed and dream of breaking up with him yet I have no courage. I am confused. I do not know what to think.
      Thank you for reading.
      Regards,
      Kay

      Kay - 22/09/2014

    • Hi Tina

      Thanks for posting. We're really sorry to hear what you've experienced.

      If you are suffering from neglect you really need to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.

      If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope that this helps.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 09/07/2014

  • lauren

    30/06/2014

    so i was with my ex boyfriend for 14 months and at the start of our relationship everything was perfect,however as months went on he started to abuse me verbally and take me away from friends and family and abuse me physically and sexually,this affected my mental health alot,as it wasnt in the best place anyway! so after 14 months i finally pucker up the courage to leave him but the problem i have now(10 months later) is that im finding it really hard to trust a boy again,i dont want my next boyfriend to think that im still in love with my ex and to not understand why i wont do certain things or why i get upset when seeing my ex,most of my friends expect me to 'get over it' but its really hard:(

    lauren - 30/06/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lauren

      Thanks for posting. We think it is really important that even though this may have happened some time ago, you should still try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      We're so sorry to hear you were suffering emotional and sexual abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth.

      If you were being forced or pressured to have sex, or take part in sexual activity that you didn’t feel comfortable with, that is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position. Please understand that what happened was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, don’t blame yourself.

      If you are unsure, examples of sexual abuse or assault can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, being pressured to send naked pictures of yourself, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.

      If this has happened to you, we would always encourage you to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you; they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. They offer counselling and support for women who have experienced any form of sexual violence, not just rape.

      It can be very hard to leave an abusive relationship - no matter what kind. It’s also very important to leave the relationship safely. If you are still in contact with this person, we would urge you to think about completing a safety plan like this: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/47-keeping-safe-in-an-unhealthy-relationship.html

      We hope this helps, and that you're able to get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 30/06/2014

  • Olivia

    25/06/2014

    Last year I met a guy online, he's 2 and a half yeas older than me, I'm 17 and met him when I was 16. It started off really lovely and I was happy, we'd message eachother everyday. One night he asked for photos, not photos of my face but photos in my underwear, I was flattered at first but I told him I didn't want to. I kept saying no. But he said he wasn't going to show anyone and he just wanted to see my body, so I sent them. This went on for a few months, sending photos like that. When I wouldn't send them he'd ignore me or get into a mood and obviously I was oh so Inlove with him and didn't want to be ignored so id send them. Then he asked for different photos, ones without underwear on. I didn't want to, I really didn't, I was terrified of the consequences because I knew them. But he got really moody again and distanced himself so I sent them. Just so he'd be happy and cute to me. Because that's the only time he would ever compliment me, was when I sent them.

    He broke up with me, he told me he wasn't attracted to me anymore and that I was pestering him all the time. He sent some horrible messages, all blaming me for his behaviour. I was glad it was over. I didn't have to send photos anymore. I'd started seeing someone else and I was happy, that was until I decided to message the previous guy asking if he was okay as we hadn't spoken in 6 months. He started telling me he loved me and wanted me back, that he wanted to meet up with me but I told him no because I was seeing someone. He started sending me horrid messages, but then he apologised and told me he wanted me back and that he was sorry. I blocked him and carried on with my life.

    I made the mistake of messaging him again the other night, I was bored in bed and I'd forgotten all the horrible stuff that had happened and only had memories of the good times. So I messaged him, I got a reply and within 5 hours of texting he'd offended and insulted me twice. He then facetimed me later that night. In the same day we only just start speaking again he pressurised me into stripping on FaceTime, he wanted to have sex with me over video chat. I told him no, and he kept calling me boring. I hung up the call and sat on my bed crying. Just hysterically crying. Until I do that he won't talk to me again, he's ignoring me. Not that I care about him in that way but because I said no, he sees me as boring and doesn't love me unless I do it.

    It's broken me, I don't know what the right thing to do is. I know that it's emotional and sexual abuse and that no one who loves you would make you cry late at night every night. I just don't know whether or not to give him what he wants so he'll stop being aggressive.

    Olivia - 25/06/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Olivia

      Thanks for your post, it sounds like you're going through a really tough time.

      If you’re being forced or pressured to have sex, or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with, that is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position. Please
      understand that what happened was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, don’t blame yourself. If you are
      unsure, examples of sexual abuse or assault can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, being pressured to send naked pictures of yourself, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.

      If this has happened to you, we would always encourage you to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you; they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Also remember that if you have been sexually assaulted you can speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      It can be very hard to leave an abusive relationship - no matter what kind. It’s also very important to leave the relationship safely. There
      are many reasons why people don't feel they can leave. Fear is a huge one, also uncertainty about what to do/who can help. Some people may
      not realise that they are being abused and not even be looking for help. A big factor in not leaving can simply be love. Love is such a powerful emotion it can overrule anything else. If you are still in contact with this person, we would urge you to think about completing a safety plan like this: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/47-keeping-safe-in-an-unhealthy-relationship.html

      We hope that this helps, and that you get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 27/06/2014

  • Dean

    22/06/2014

    I tried to explain this to my friend the other day, but because I'm a boy she said "man up" and told me to stop being such a wuss, so I haven't really told anyone.

    About a year ago I got my first girlfriend and she was really lovely. That was until about 2 weeks into our relationship when she told me that I would look better with a different haircut to the one I had and she marched me to the barbers and told them how to cut my hair (at the time I didn't realise this was a bad thing - I thought she was being helpful). It did look better than the cut I previously had, so I thought I'd roll with it.

    However this lead onto other things, like making me buy clothes that I didn't feel comfortable in because she thought they'd "suit me better" and telling my friends that I was a bad boyfriend for not wearing the clothes she bought me and she got really angry at me when I didn't want to have sex with her because she kept saying "you're a boy you're supposed to want this" and I felt like I was being the worst boyfriend, so I went ahead and did it.

    The only reason this relationship has ended is because we're going to different colleges and she thinks we "might as well not bother anymore"

    I'm torn between feeling like a terrible boyfriend and thinking her behaviour was unfair. The whole thing has left me confused. I know it isn't as bad as what other people have had to deal with, but it's still uncomfortable for me to think about.

    Dean - 22/06/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Dean

      Thanks for posting.

      We’re sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do. It is also never OK to make someone feel bad if they don't want to have sex as this is also a form of emotional abuse.

      If you're a young man who's experiencing abuse at the hands of your female partner (and this may include being pressured into sexual activities you don't want) then it may be especially hard for you to tell someone. Some people have told us that they would feel less manly if someone knew that were being abused by a girl, that it would be shameful. And others have told us about situations where their female partner threatened to tell authorities that they were being abused by them in order to keep them silent.

      Talking about what's happening is really important and you can get help if your partner is violent, controlling or sexually abusive, or if you've experienced this in the past. Try talking to a trusted adult. If you don’t think you can do this, you can speak in confidence by calling the helpline for males experiencing domestic abuse. Call freephone 0808 801 0327, email info@mensadviceline.org.uk or visit www.mensadviceline.org.uk

      If you’re under 18, you can also speak to ChildLine on 0800 11 11 or visit www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      Dudley Safe and Sound partnership have also produced a video which provides advice for male victims of relationship abuse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU

      We hope this helps.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 23/06/2014

  • A friend of hers

    22/06/2014

    Okay, here it goes. I am writing this question/comment on behalf of a friend of mine. She doesn't know I'm doing this so please *low key*...anyways I'm a little worried for her. She has a nice boyfriend and in my opinion she is very naive. However, she tells me everything and by everything I mean she told me she has a load of sex most of the time withher 'boyfriend'. Anyways, the reason why I'm writing this is because she is only 16 and says she wants to do these things but I'm not sure it's right for her? Am I correct I. Saying so? Like he'd never hurt her I know for definet! Thanks

    A friend of hers - 22/06/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your post. We’re sorry to hear about your worries - if you think you have spotted
      some of the warning signs of abuse in your friend’s relationship, they may need professional help and your encouragement and support to help
      to stop it. For more information on the signs, visit this page of the website - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/spot-the-signs, you might already recognise some of them.

      Tell your friend you are really worried about them and let them know that help and support is available.

      If your friend wants to speak to someone in confidence, as she is under 18 she can contact Childline on 0800 1111 or visit www.childline.org.uk where she can contact
      ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      That same goes for you too if you want support and guidance on how to manage the situation, you can also speak to Childline, they will be able to help you.

      We hope this helps.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 25/06/2014

  • anonymous

    21/06/2014

    I dated my ex for two years and at first everything was great. However, after a while all he was doing was putting me down and hurting my feelings, at first it started as jokes then he just flat out started to insult me. I was so hurt and I started hating and blaming myself for it, I would think that if I were a better girlfriend he wouldn't insult me. Then he started to pin me down on the Floor when we'd argue and pinch me and twist my arms, but I kept telling myself it wasn't abuse. I felt so powerless and dumb. I grew up witnessing domestic violence and part of me knew it wasn't right but felt so alone. If he didn't like my friends I couldn't talk to them l, he would flirt with other girls in front of me and blame me. He constantly caused me of cheating or called me easy and would chec my phone and humiliate me by insulting me to his friends. 9 months ago he dumped me, saying I was nothing but a sex toy l, and is now dating on leaving of the other girl he would flirt with, and I'm relieved to be away from it all but at the same time I'm having a lot of problems getting over everything that happened. I'm afraid to trust anyone or move on, I still have the feelings of inferiority he instilled in me. I feel like it's stupid I can't move past things, like I should be over it by now, but I can't seem to get past the hurt he left me with. I'm seventeen years old and I feel like I should be able to deal with this alone, but it's not working out so well... how can I move on with my life and regain the self confidence and trust I used to have? And am I right to think this was abuse or am I overreacting?

    anonymous - 21/06/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your post. It's sounds like you've been through a really tough time.

      We’re sorry to hear you suffered abuse in your relationship. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of emotional of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do. Physical abuse can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour.

      A lot of people who have experienced all kinds of abuse will blame themselves. However, the responsibility lies solely with the abuser, never with you. This can be hard to get your head around. Just because the abuse went on for a long time, does not mean you were complicit in this. Please remember, you have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      We think it is really important that even though this may have happened a little while ago, you should still try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope this helps and that you get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 23/06/2014

  • Anonymous

    09/06/2014

    I am dating a man who is 30 years old and im almost 16. I really like him and have known him alittle from when i was small as he has been involved in our family. However i really like him and we was going to have sex but he goes he feels wrong and wants me to turn 16 first. I like him and he likes me and wants to do alot of stuff as his age is alot more than mine. Is it wrong for me and him to have sex if we are both ready ? Would he get in trouble?

    Anonymous - 09/06/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your message.

      It is a common myth that “everyone is doing it”, but the average age for having sex for the first time is 16. Many people wait until they’re older. You always have the right to withhold consent and don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.

      If you are under 16 it’s against the law for you to have sex. If your boyfriend is older than 16 he could be charged with rape if you enter into a sexual relationship with him. 


      If you want to speak to somebody in confidence you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope this gelps.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 10/06/2014

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