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This is ABUSE

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Results: 420 - 435 of 2110

  • Niamh

    22/01/2014

    i have been with this guy on and off for 4 years when we got together it started great but then went down hill he cheated on me we broke up but he started to text me and mail me on facebook asking and begging for me back so i took him back and forgive him but i couldnt trust him all he wanted from me was sex every time but sometimes i didnt want to do it but he kept pressuring me so i did it because i loved him then ex girl friend came to a party where me and him were he started to flirt with her it got me so annoyed he then slept with her while i was with him once he had done it with her i shouted and cursed at him he was calling me a skank and other names i tried to him but i missed he then hit me by choking me hitting me on the head pushed me to the floor i went home i cried this guy still wants to keep in contact with me but were only friends and he still wants sex i have sent him dirty pictures cause i loved him so much i want him to leave me alone but i cant think of not talking to him even still when i say im talking to a mate he askes what mate he always asks who am i with i have took an overdose because he cheated lied and grabbed me by the hair and threw me out in the snow he plays girls off and makes me feel crap but he still means the world to me i dont know if this is abuse but could you help and tell me what to do cause i am suffering of depression by the way he treated me i dont know if i would get back in relationship with him its way to hard for me

    Niamh - 22/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Niamh,

      It sounds like it was a really volatile relationship that you are better off out of. It seems like the problem that you have at the moment is that there hasn't been a clear break between you and him.

      It really sounds like you would benefit from accessing some support locally. You can find your local service on the Women's Aid website http://www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=0001000100080006§ionTitle=Find+help+locally and they may be able to offer you emotional support.

      It may also be helpful to talk to your GP about how you are feeling at the moment, he may suggest antidepressants, but you are also entitled to 6 counselling sessions on the NHS.

      If you would like to talk to someone about how you are feeling at the moment then you can call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 24/01/2014

  • lucy

    22/01/2014

    I was in a rough relationship for 10 months, my boyfriend wel fiance used to tell me he loved me and I believed him bht I couldnt see what he was doing he was manipulating me into doing things for him, from getting him a drink to sex acts. Im so ashamed ow to thinkmi nelieved him not only that he would throw me across the rom, accuse memof cheating on him all day everyday ans even make up storiesmof where id been when who with and what id done, he was sickmin the head and imcoukdnt see it, not only did he make me fall oyt with every single friend I had but my family too, its been 3 momths since I split up with him and im only just getting my family back! He never loved me, was just out to get what he wanted, this isnt even a quarter of what he put me through! Im so ashamed to thinkni went along with his lies and manipulation he even acfused me of cgeating on him with my own family! The guy disgusts me but I couldt see it! Im si gkad ive seen sense I just dont want to get into the same situation again. Im still struggling to get over it all im stilo jot in cibtact with my dad ive notvspoken to him for 6 months and its killing me, I need to get some help wuth deaking with what hes done I just dont kniw where to get it.

    lucy - 22/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lucy,

      Thanks for getting in contact. I'm really glad that you are out of a very abusive relationship from what you have said. This can be a really difficult time for many people, and often when people feel more vulnerable and return back to their abuser.

      It sounds like you would really benefit from getting help from your local domestic abuse service. They do work with women where the abusive relationship is over, and may be able to assist you in addressing some of the issues you are left with. You can find these on Google, or on the Women's Aid website. http://www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=0001000100080006§ionTitle=Find+help+locally

      None of the behaviour you listed in your post was acceptable, and nobody should make you do something you don't want to do. And it is never acceptable to use violence or force.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 24/01/2014

  • Katy

    21/01/2014

    My sister just broke up with her boyfriend after our parents found out that he had been calling to her work (in a bar) after it had closed, drunk, banging on the shutters and calling for her to come out. She almost lost her job. Then they had an argument and he smashed up her car. He hasnt got a job and doesnt study. He does nothing but drink with his friends and play video games. Despite my dad threatening to get a restraining order, my sister is still texting him and we suspect shes meeting him in secret. How can we make her see that this is an abusive relationship and he is no good? She is finishing school and thinking about uni, I worry he will drag her down, but she refuses to acknowledge what he did was unforgivable and the next thing he hits could be her, she just keeps making excuses for him. We are at a loss as to how to make her see sense!

    Katy - 21/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Katy,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It is a really difficult situation to see someone we love experiencing abuse from another.

      The difficulty in this situation is that you can't force her to acknowledge the abuse that is happening, she has to see it in her own time. It might be helpful to take some information off the Women's Aid website and the Refuge website, for example this page talks about spotting warning signs, http://refuge.org.uk/what-we-do/campaigns/early-warning-signs/.

      It seems like your sister still wants to be with him, and it is a concern that even after he has smashed up her car that she still does not see the risk. Your Dad could take out a Non-Molestation Order so he can't come near your home, but it seems like she would meet him elsewhere if this were in place.

      I'm sorry the advice I have given probably isn't anything new. I think the best thing that you can do at the moment is be there for her so when she is ready to do something about this she has the support of your family.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 24/01/2014

  • Frankie

    21/01/2014

    I don't know if my circumstances would be classed as being in an abusive relationship or not, I have recently realised more and more that something isn't right. I have only been in three relationships, two of which were very loving and caring and secure, but ended mutually and I was on good terms with both ex partners. In this current relationship however I feel as if I am not an equal but instead that I should be grateful to him for being with me, I have only now begun to realise that from the start he has had all the power in this relationship. We meet when he has time, we call when he has time, we both have busy work schedules but I feel as if I'm now starting to loose friends and family and hobbies so I can always stay available for him. If he calls and I don't answer, he leaves voicemails that use phrases like being neglected or too busy for me. If I call first the response is that I'm harassing him. I feel the only time he I'd happy is when I'm doing things to please him or constantly spending money on luxury items to make him happy. He made me remove his friends from Facebook because they are his friends and I'm moving their attention towards me, now they like me more than they like him. He liked to publicly exert his authority over me by telling me when I can and can't speak. Besides all this he is nice to me, has never called me fat or ugly, in fact says things like you look good even without make up, ends all conversations with love you loads and gets upset of I don't say it too. He has been physically abusive in his past relationship and was prosecuted for this, I don't want that past to cloud my judgement am I just being paranoid?

    Frankie - 21/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Frankie
      Thank you for your message, I am really glad you got in touch. It does sounds like your boyfriend is being very controlling and emotionally abusive. It also concerns me that he has been prosecuted for abuse before, as unfortunately people do not usually change unless they have the right support and are willing to recognise their behaviour as being abusive and take responsibility for it.

      I don't think you are being paranoid at all, you are doing the right thing in asking for help. I hear how he is starting to isolate you from people who can help you and this is worrying. Is there anyone you can talk to? A family member or friend? Someone at work? You can also ring the helpline on 0800 2000 247.

      You can also come to our live chat session every mon-fri between 5-7pm if you want to talk more. It is important to take this seriously and to trust your instincts. You know what a happy and healthy relationship is like and that this is not like that.

      If you do want to leave him, there is lots of support to help you do that safely. This is why it is important that other people know what has been happening.

      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 23/01/2014

  • Millie

    21/01/2014

    I was watching MTV when this advert caught my eye, my bestfriend is in this position, whenever we meet he tells her she has to be home before 7pm, and if she isn't he'd start calling her names and accusing her of meeting boys, he'd check what she would wear and she isn't allowed to wear vest tops to go out in, he tells her she isn't allowed snapchat, Facebook and me and her aren't allowed to meet anymore as he doesn't like me, he made her chose him over me, hes so protective I feel really sorry for her but she never listens

    Millie - 21/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Millie
      Your friend is really lucky to have you watching out for her. It sounds like her boyfriend is being very controlling and that is very unhealthy in a relationship.

      This is a leaflet about how to help your friends if you are worried they are in an abusive relationship:
      http://www.avaproject.org.uk/media/54339/mates%20ava%20final.pdf

      Do you see her at school? Maybe you can show her this site, it may help her to recognise what is happening but also to be reassured that there is help. Maybe you could also talk to a teacher at school, or another adult at home? They will be able to help you as well. It is important that people know what has been going on.

      It's really good that you are there for your friend, it can be hard when it feels like she doesn't listen but there will be lots of reasons for that and she may be scared. It is good to get support yourself too as it can be hard worrying about someone. Please do try and tell someone,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 23/01/2014

  • emmalouise

    21/01/2014

    I was in an abusive relationship & didn't realise it till it was over & it took therapy for me to accept that's what it was. I am the type of person who if on other side seeing or hearing what my friend going threw I would be the first to say leave, get out! But when you are the one in it you make excuses for the person you love unconditionally & they so how manage twist the situation so that you end up taking the blame and begging for forgiveness. Crazy but true. I also wasn't aware that abuse was not just physical, I was pushed and grabbed but never hit or hurt so felt it wasn't abuse until my Dr told me otherwise, I was mentally abused and its scary and extremely hard to recover from. I lost all self respect and wasn't strong enough to leave, he left me thankfully, it hurt so much I suffered extreme depression & anxiety attacks and was put on two types of medication, one year on still on meds been threw successful round of CBT therapy and slowly rebuilding my self confidence & life. I found the best way forward was to be 100% open & honest about what im going threw. I used Facebook as my outlet and voiced my voice, unlike just written feelings I found by posting them and getting supportive replys was the key to my recovery, it felt like venting was offloading! I learned to be more positive in life and with the huge support from taking it out I got I now never feel alone in this world. If I can do it so can you.

    emmalouise - 21/01/2014

    Reply
    • HI EmmaLouise

      Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. You are right, it can be really hard to recognise abuse in your own relationship - especially when it is emotional abuse. I am glad that your doctor helped you. It is great that therapy has helped and that you found your own way to cope and deal with the trauma. It can take a long time to recover from abuse, so do ask for more help if you need to.
      Good luck for the future!
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 23/01/2014

  • Des

    21/01/2014

    Hi. Although I find it a great thing what you did there, I just have to say, "if you loved me you would"?! No, that's not abuse, please don't say that. I personally some people say that *because* they feel the relationship isn't real, and they hurt. They're not trying, necessarily, to emotionally manipulate the other into doing whatever it is they're arguing about.

    Des - 21/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Des,

      Thanks for your comment. I think it's really worth considering why we would ever say, 'you'd do it if you loved me.' What does this achieve?

      I think there are so many more ways that we can express our feelings. It can sound really basic, but it's makes a lot of sense to use 'I feel...' statements. For example, when you behave like that it makes me feel sad, or like you're not listening. There are so many other ways that we can express how we feel without making someone feel that they have to do something in order to prove that they love us.

      If you would like to talk about this a little more then you are welcome to contact the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 23/01/2014

  • michelle

    21/01/2014

    im so pleased you are exposing abuse in relationships - especially emotional abuse which is the kind of abuse that so often cannot be seen in the same way physical abuse can be seen ie no black eyes...its just that your heart gets stabbed with every destructive word that is spoken to you or shouted at you and its just that your nerves jangle everytime you know he's going to 'lose it again'. thank you for starting the awareness of how many people are suffering silently and misunderstood.
    we should all be respected and treated kindly when we are in relationship with someone.
    stop messing with out heads and hearts is my message to any abuser....please understand we ALL have feelings not just you so please be sensitive - get it?
    also....one more thing...the vids show young couples,but its every couple who can be abused. couples in their 30's, 40's and 50's plus. Please be strong people CALL IT OUT - OUT OF BOUNDS to abuse. Godbless You xxx

    michelle - 21/01/2014

    Reply
  • channy

    21/01/2014

    there's a boy 25 and im 17 he asks me for dirty pictures and when I say no he calls me names saying im unfair and other stuff, I feel pressurized but I say no to him and he also asks to meet and sends rude messages

    channy - 21/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Channy,

      Thanks for getting in contact, it's really important to know the following; If you’re pressuring someone to send you sexually explicit pictures (sexting), this is abusive and not normal. There are consequences – if you pressurise someone to send sexually explicit pictures you could get a reputation as an abuser. If you share the pictures and they go on the internet, this could affect your future education and employment as well as the person who took them. There are also consequences if that explicit image is shared without the victim’s knowledge or agreement. By sending indecent pictures of a person under 18 on to someone else you are breaking the law.

      THe NSPCC have some really helpful information on their website, it is aimed at parents but will be helpful to you too. http://www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/for-parents/talking-about-sex/sexting/sexting_wda96795.html

      Nobody should pressure you in to doing something you don't want to do, and I'm really glad that you have said no. If you want to talk to us a bit more about this then we are running live chat sessions Monday-Friday 5pm-7pm.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 23/01/2014

  • hayley

    21/01/2014

    Im 25 and my partner is 27 and we have been together for 2 years and I have 2 children from a previous abusive relationship. My partner has just hit me on my back with a can of drink in his hand and my back is battered and bruised. He held his fist up to me and said hes gonna punch the crap out of me. This is not the 1st time . He punched me so hard in my arm , my whole arm bruised. He promised he wouldnt do it again since that . He calls me fat and last night when I cooked him dinner he said it was horrible and made me feel so small. What do I do? I moved 50 miles away from all my family and friends to be with this guy . I feel so alone x

    hayley - 21/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Hayley,

      Thank you for you message. Your partner is being physically and emotionally abusive. What is happening is not your fault. I know you said that you moved away from your family but do you have anyone you can talk to about what is happening? A family member, a friend or someone you trust?
      If you don't feel able to talk to anyone you can call the 24hr national domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247 or look on www.womensaid.org.uk for more information on domestic abuse.
      You can also come to our live chat which runs Mon-Fri 5-7pm to talk more.

      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 22/01/2014

  • alison

    21/01/2014

    what can I do out my boyfriend who's verbal comments make me feel very low and upset

    alison - 21/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Alison,

      I think the first step is to talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel. If this doesn't change the situation then you need to look at the relationship a little more deeply.

      If you have told him that the comments make you feel sad or upset you and he doesn't change his behaviour then you need to consider if he will ever change it. If he doesn't change it suggests that he doesn't have very much respect for you.

      It has to be his choice if he wants stop behaving this way, you can't make him change. But if he decides not to change, then you will have t think about what you want next. If you want to talk about this more then we are running live chat sessions on the site Monday-Friday 5pm-7pm.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 23/01/2014

  • may

    20/01/2014

    Iv been with My boy 4years now and he was so diffrent at the start but no he always gets really jelouse when I talk to my lad mates and dosent like me hanging around with any lads unless there his mates and he rings me all the time he calles me a slag but says he's joking all the time but it hurts a lot and he always wants sex I don't know its just becoues he loves me and wants to pertect me tho right?

    may - 20/01/2014

    Reply
    • Dear May,

      Thank you for your message. You are obviously aware that something in your relationship isn’t right because you have left a message on this site. It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge that and there is support for you.

      What is happening in your relationship is abusive. It is not ok for your boyfriend to stop you seeing people, call you names or pressurise you into having sex when you don’t want to. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. You boyfriend is not doing that, and he isn’t protecting you by abusing you and making you feel hurt.

      Have you got anyone in your life you can speak to about this, friends or family? If not you can contact the national helpline on 0808 2000 247 to discuss with them what is happening. You may also want to have a look at this website.
      http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/

      You can also come to our live chat if you want to which we run every Mon- Fri from 5-7pm to talk more.

      Take care,
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 22/01/2014

  • Lindsay

    20/01/2014

    Hey
    I'm also became more concern about my relationship as the adverts started to make me notice things aren't right.

    I've decided to end a 10 year relationship, but the break up isn't happening, I told him that I fell out of love with him and he started to scream and shout and said that he move out, but it seems like he forgot every thing that's happened,.
    I'm scared of addressing this matter again,
    When we first meet it was love at first sight and everything was very well, but my friends were telling me that the way he treats me isn't normal and even suggested that I would be in a early grave if I'm not careful.
    Well he started by making me distance from my friends and calling them names and telling me that they were jealous of your life and what you got. I trusted his words to be true, as he is 7 years older I thought he knew best. He didn't finish there, he also done the same to my family and whenever my mam comes around, he acts all nice and ok, but he has kicked off in front of my mam and even drove like a maniac in the car with us in. He knows I hate the way he drive and at one time I got so scared I actually hit him in the face, (was screaming with terror) he kicked me out the car and I had to find my way home, but like a fool I got back with him.
    I started to go out hiking with a good friends lately and the latest trick of the book is that he works all week and I don't spent time with him and then accuses me of wanting to spent more time with them than him. He likes to control ever inch of my life, he got my paying all the bills so I haven't got any spare cash to spend and whenever I suggest splitting the bills, he kicks off and then says he gets more money than me and spitting the bills will make me worse off. He pays for my car off his work (perks of the job) another control of his, we were out in town meeting his sister and I snap at the way he's acting up in front of my mam, he walks off and I recieve a text, from him saying sorry for wasting 10 years of your life, give me a week I'm moving out.! so I go home, he returns later to take my car keys off me and he goes to his Mams so now I'm left to make my own way to work on my bike in -3 weather as wasn't expecting to have no Car at such short notice.

    Anyway i thought moving out would have helped, but seems like hes getting worse.
    .
    Anyway Christmas 2013 I wasn't exactly happy about what he was being like and how I could barely afford to live and get my own presents in. So I suggest it just be the two of us at Christmas, he turns around to me and says it will be boring us the two of us. I use this comment as my strength to finish it.
    I've started to get out with my friends lately and he hasn't said much to me as he seems to be doing the same and doesn't return until 24 hours later.

    There's a lot more that's happened, but its not going to be pretty to get him to leave without a full on fighting match.
    I haven't got anywhere to live if I move out.

    Lindsay - 20/01/2014

    Reply
  • Bex

    20/01/2014

    I'm just a teenager and I've had an emotionally abusive relationship that still effects me to this day. He made me feel awful and my self esteem was at an absolute low. He used to insult me and stop me from seeing my friends,I never understood why. He still tries to stop me from seeing certain people and were not even together,messaging me over and over again trying to keep me away from other guys. Does anyone have any advice about how to get over this and how to get my self esteem back on track?

    Bex - 20/01/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Bex,

      I am sorry to hear that you were in an abusive relationship and pleased that you are out of it now. Thanks for posting. It is not unusual for someone’s confidence and esteem to be affected by a controlling partner but it can definitely get better.

      A good place to start if you are at school or college is to speak with a counsellor. You mention that you are in your teens. If you are under 18 you can speak with a counsellor at Childline on 0800 1111. If you are over 16 you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      You also said that your ex-boyfriend is still trying to control you now. This is really not okay and I think it would be a good idea to speak with someone (perhaps a trusted adult, teacher or counsellor) about this.

      If you want to you can live chat with a This Is Abuse advisor on this site between 5pm and 7pm on weekdays.

      Take Care,

      Brian

      This is Abuse team 22/01/2014

  • natalie

    20/01/2014

    im an a18 year old girl. just before my 18th birthday, I got out of an abusive relationship. the abuse was not physical but he used to accuse me of meeting other people when I was going to my moms and call me names to put me down. he would go through my phone. he didn't want me to go out with boys that I was mates for years. in the end I would spend most of my time away from my home because he was always there so escape to my moms for a while. the worst thing he done was lock me in my flat. if I didn't get him beer from the shop he would accuse me again and I would have to leave my own home again. I didn't break up with him in the end, he broke up with me but I wished id done it as soon as the accusations started. I was broken down and felt like I could do nothing with my life because of how he made me feel. it has now been 6 months and talking to people about this has helped me get through it. my advice is talk to someone and don't let it happen. if u feel like something is wrong in the relationship, there more than likely is.

    natalie - 20/01/2014

    Reply

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