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This is ABUSE

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Results: 375 - 390 of 2094

  • Anon

    26/01/2014

    Relationship abuse is not right. It seems every resource / advert / help is geared towards the female as victim. In my experience they are just as capable, if not more, of abuse. The abuse may not be so apparent and the culture of men is to hide or excuse it in shame. But it exists and, worst of all, a very small minority of women will use this perception against their victim. Please use your resources to further enlighten the abuse men suffer too. A man may be physically stronger, but I've been punched and kicked - never retaliating - and I have been accused of domestic abuse to the police. Please help to reinforce the message that victims are victims, regardless of gender.

    Anon - 26/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi,

      Thanks for getting in contact. We are taking these posts in to consideration for future campaigns.

      I'm sorry to hear that you experienced abuse from your partner, and we acknowledge that many men fall victim to domestic abuse. There are services out there that can offer you advice and support, whether the abuse is taking place now or is historic. The Men's Advice Line runs a helpline, 0808 801 0327, which supports men and if there is a service in your area that offers face to face support they will also be able to give you the details of that.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 27/01/2014

  • Cloe

    26/01/2014

    I was in a relationship for two years and I'd never been happier but then it all went down hill, all we done was argue, he got arrested a lot but then things got worse and he got put on remand but because I loved him I stood by him done everything I could to make him happy it just wasn't good enough... Things just kept getting worse when I'd go he's house and he'd start arguing id just walk away to stop it but he used to lock me in and not let out then he would use emotional blackmail and I wouldn't leave him incase he done something stupid and then it would all be my fault so I stayed with him, he wouldn't let me go out with my friends, he had to know where I was and who I was with all the time an then it got to the point where it wasn't a relationship anymore he just had control over me but yet I still love him:(

    Cloe - 26/01/2014

    Reply
    • HI Cloe,

      Thanks for getting in touch. Love is such a difficult emotion, and like you said when you were first with him everything was amazing, and it can be quite difficult to let go of those good times. But it is also really important to focus on the times he was bullying you. I'm really glad you're no longer in the relationship.

      It sounds like it would be really helpful for you to talk to someone, we are running live chats on the site Monday-Friday 5pm-7pm, or you can call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247. You could also speak to your GP about accessing counselling sessions as you're entitled to 6 on the NHS, or you could get involved with your local domestic abuse service as many run counselling services or group support services.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 27/01/2014

  • Lulu

    25/01/2014

    I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 months now but 2 months ago, he found out i had been talking to another boy at the same time as him and the start of are relationship. Ever since then he has been controlling me. He stopped me having contact with all boys even though a lot of them were just my friends; he doesn't want me to go to parties or any social events without him; he gets jealous very easily and has admitted to me that he wants to be the only person in my life; he checks my phone and backed me into a corner to delete my Facebook and when he allowed me to get a new account, he said i could not accept any friend requests from boys. He always wants to know where i am, who I'm with and what I'm doing and he gets away with all this by making me feel bad about what i did, even though i have apologised so many times and i meant it. He's never hurt me physically and to get me to do what he wants, he says things like "I'd prefer you not to do that" or "I'm comfortable with things the way they are now so can you please not try and change them". Is this normal behaviour? Have i bought this on myself? what should i do? thank you

    Lulu - 25/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Lulu

      Thanks for your message and I can hear both how confused and exhausted you are with what is going on in your relationship. What you are describing is a very controlling and emotionally abusive relationship and this is definitely not normal and nor is it acceptable. Your partner is making demands of you to change your behavior and even when you do that he remains dissatisfied. A healthy relationship would be one built on trust and respect and acceptance for who you are as a person. Have you been able to talk to anyone about what is going on? It is important that you have some support for yourself with all of this.

      Lulu I am not sure how old you are but perhaps look at these two websites for some helpful information - www.respectnotfear.co.uk and www.womensaid.org.uk. You can also call the National helpline for advice about services in your local area on 0808 2000 247 or contact us on our Live chat sessions Mon - Fri - 5 -7 to talk more about this. Please try and remember that this is not your fault but you have a right to be safe and treated with respect.

      If you can try and talk to a close friend or someone you trust so you can get some emotional support for yourself.

      Take care

      Linda

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Ang

    25/01/2014

    I think I might be in a verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive relationship.

    Ang - 25/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Ang

      Thanks for your message. Abuse can be complicated and confusing and it sounds like you are trying to make sense of what is happening in your relationship.

      If you look at the Women's Aid website on www.womensaid.org.uk it will have a lot of information on there that might help as well as a specific section about emotional abuse. You could also call the National helpline on 0808 2000 247 and they will be able to talk through your concerns with you. If you wish to message us back with a bit more detail about what is going on we may be able to help you more

      take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Louise

    25/01/2014

    I've just come out of a year relationship and I have to say had I not seen the clips on Hollyoaks I may never of realised how abusive my boyfriend was. I was completely blind to it. He made me think I was going mad. Ended up on antidepressants because I was so drained and low.
    He would tell me how to dress. Say I looked like I had put my makeup on with a trowel even though I hardly put any on. He would finish with me and then come back days later and then do it all over again. I've lost count of how many times hes ended the relationship. Why I kept taking him back was because I was so weak and thought I needed him. This time I'm not as upset because he started being horrible to my son who has special needs. He would mimic him and ridicule him. And tell him off constantly. He would say hes getting on his nerves and I'd have to take him into another room out of his way.
    He picked fault in every meal I made him, never said thank you. Never lifted a finger expected me to wait on him whilst he sat on his X Box. He was also very abusive and controlling to his Mum which was also draining to watch as she is a lovely lady.
    He would call me names like ......... even though I'm slim and tell me Im gaining weight and need to watch what I eat. Finally last week he hit me so hard on the forehead it was a slap but it hurt but there was no good reason for that. He thought it was funny and I would get very hard slaps on the legs it hurt so much. I thought what the hell am I doing. He then snapped at me because of a debate we had over a subject. He didnt like ever being wrong. I googled it and sure enough I was right so he got the hump and finished with me. Lol how pathetic and good ridance I say. And I can't wait to find a real man who compliments me, and treats me like I'm special. I'm so done with this now!

    Louise - 25/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Louise

      Thank you for your post and sharing some of what has happened to you with others. It sounds like a terrible situation and its is an enormous relief to hear that you and your son are now safe and out of this relationship. It is difficult enough to parent a child with additional needs without trying to manage an abusive relationship as well.This must have all been very confusing for your son but I am sure that now he is safe and with you free from the ridicule and criticism that things will improve.

      If you feel you might need some support to recover from this experience please call the National helpline on 0808 2000 247 as they can advise you about local services in your area.

      I hope things keep on improving for your both in the future

      Take care

      Linda

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Lucy

    25/01/2014

    Well, I was talking to this lad and we'd been talking for ages and when it got to about four months of talking we decided to swap pictures, he said if I sent one he'd send me one so me being the idiot I am, I sent him one over Facebook. Little did I know he had a girlfriend at the moment of me sending the picture, his girlfriend was on his account. She saved the photo of me and then posted the photo on Facebook, tagged me in it so all of my friends and all if her friends could see it. A load of people shared the photo and I've heard that a few people have saved the photo personally as well. She did remove the photo but it was to late, I see the photo like twice a week, from people reposting it:/! I get called a slag and a slut all the time at school, got to the point where I don't wanna be here anymore. Feels like I've ruined my life, anyone got any advice?

    Lucy - 25/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lucy,

      This sounds like a really awful situation. Although what has happened is illegal, you cannot circulate someone else's pictures without their permission, as it is technically your property, it is really difficult now lots of other people have the photo.

      I think it would be really helpful to talk through your options on the number below, or come back and talk to us on Live Chat on this site Monday-Friday 5pm-7pm.

      If you would like to talk to someone about it then you can call the NSPCC's helpline on 0808 800 5000 to speak to one of our trained counsellors.Or I can suggest you call ChildLine, in confidence on 0800 1111.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 27/01/2014

  • Jordan

    24/01/2014

    I've been with my boyfriend for 5 minths now, at first things started great. Since my boyfriend has been diagnosed wiv a number of mental health problems. He both abuses me physically ans mentally, he does and says everyhing the advert said. I always find my self having bruises and have even got a couple scars, i never go out anymre and spend most days wiv him, i don't have much friends either and r not allowed around males. I want to help him through this bad time in his life but i can't take this much mre. Jordan

    Jordan - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Jordan

      Thanks for your message. It sounds like you are having a very difficult time in this relationship and your partners behaviour must be very distressing for you. It also sounds like you have been hurt quite seriously and whilst I can hear how committed you are to helping him as he has mental health problems it is still important to remember that the abuse towards you is unacceptable.

      It is ultimately your partners responsibility to seek some help to assist him in changing his abusive behaviour. He could contact the Charity Respect on 0808 802 404 to seek some help with this. I am concerned that you are stating that you do not feel you can take any more - have you managed to talk to anyone about the abuse in the relationship? It is important that you seek some support for yourself and consider how safe it is to remain in this relationship. The National domestic violence helpline on 0808 2000 247 can discuss options with you as well as advise you about any local support services in your area. Alternatively, we run live chat sessions Mon- Fri 5 -7 and you are welcome to talk to one of us. Talking to someone about the abuse probably seem quite a frightening idea but I would encourage you to do this so you no longer have to try and manage this alone

      Take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Jess

    24/01/2014

    My friend is 13 and she is starting a relationship with this boy but the boy has been asking for inappropriate pictures. I've never known for her to any thing that would effect her reputation as she is very clever and looks to the future but then out of the blue she sent him a pic of her stomach. This is not like her and I'm scared she will send more. What should I do as if I tell her that she shouldn't do it, it makes her want to do it even more? (Its happed before) but if I don't say anything it might get worse. What should I do?

    Jess - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Jess,

      Thank you for your message. I can hear that you are a caring person who has the best interest of their friend at heart. That’s great, as she needs people around her that will be supportive and not judge her. Which sounds exactly what you are doing.

      It seems that you have been able to talk to her this topic before. If it comes up again you can let her know that you are there for her and that you are worried about the consequences for her if she is pressured in to sending this person pictures. You might want to have a look at this website

      http://www.childline.org.uk/explore/onlinesafety/pages/sexting.aspx

      If you are worried you could perhaps discuss your fears with a parent, teacher or trusted adult. It’s a lot for you to deal with without support.

      When we care about someone we can want him or her to end an relationship we see as abusive quickly, as we don’t like to see him or her hurt. However ending it is something only your friend can do in her own time. I know that’s really hard when we see they are in danger of being hurt.

      You have let her know that you are there for her and that there are places like this website and the one above she can contact. It is important that she has people to turn to that she can trust, and you are one of those people.

      We also have a live chat weeknights 5-7 if she or you need some more support.

      Take care Jess

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Lauren

    24/01/2014

    I'm Lauren.
    I been in a relationship for 2 years and for the first 3 month it was all fine but then we ended up having an argument and then after that we just ended having them every other day. I got raped when I was younger and got herpes, and when we were having an argument me and my boyfriend he called me a herpes victim and said I deserved everything I got, every time we have an argument now he says cruel and disgusting things like that, he has only ever physically hit me once but he said it was by an accident but then he stole all my birthday money I got of family and refused to give it back. We broke up after that but then we got back together, every time we argue now he threatens me. It's hard situation for me because I'm pregnant.

    Lauren - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lauren,

      Thank you for your message. You are in a very difficult situation and I can hear how distressing this is for you. Your boyfriend is behaving in a way that is extremely abusive and I’m concerned to hear that you are pregnant and having to cope with this. You have been very strong to reach out, what is happening is not ok and you don’t have to cope alone, you deserve some support.

      There are lots of things you write in your message that are concerning Lauren. The fact that you are pregnant and he is threatening you is worrying. Domestic abuse often gets worse during pregnancy and after a baby is born. Is this something you have seen in your own relationship? If so you can talk to your midwife or health visitor about this. They will be trained to be on the look out for this pattern of behaviour. If you are under stress it is not good for you or the baby. And if you think there is a risk to you both once the child is born this is something you need to think about now.

      You have been raped before, that’s a difficult and painful thing to happen and your partner is using it as a way to abuse you further. To bring up such a traumatic event to hurt you is very abusive. I’m jus wondering if you have had any support for the rape? If not you can call Rape Crisis, they are an organisation who specialise in working with women and girls who have suffered sexual violence. They can talk with you in a confidential and non-judgemental setting. You can reach them on 0808 802 (12 –2.30 & 7 – 9.30 everyday)

      You do not deserve to be treated the way you are being. Your partner is being abusive and this is not your fault. Do you have anyone you could talk to about this, friends, family or someone else in your life? If you don’t feel able to talk to anyone you know I would encourage you to call the 24 -hour domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247. You can speak to them about how you are feeling and what options you could take. You might also want to look on this website for more information about domestic abuse in relationships.
      www.womensaid.org.uk

      You can also come to our live chat if you want to which we run every Mon- Fri from 5-7pm to talk more.

      Take care,
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • caz

    24/01/2014

    i thought i was in a safe relationship, until i was pressured into sending sexual pictures. now i dont want anything to do with him but he keeps blackmailing me with the picture to send him more or to meet up with him. he said he is going to upload my picture on facebook if i dont. my message to those girls out there who are being forced to send a picture for the first time... DON'T DO IT, TELL SOMEONE STRAIGHT AWAY! i'm now stuck with him blackmailing me for the rest of my life and i don't know how i can get rid of the picture :(

    caz - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • is there any help for over 16's ?

      caz - 27/01/2014

    • Hi Caz
      Thank you for getting in touch. I am really glad you did. You do not have to put up with him blackmailing you - there is support for you.

      There is some really good advice on these sites:
      http://www.childline.org.uk/explore/onlinesafety/pages/sexting.aspx
      http://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/11_16/control/sexting/

      You can call ChildLine and talk to someone in confidence on 0800 1111 about this. You can also make a report to CEOP (on the second link). What he is doing is abusive and against the law and there is lots of support and protection for you. They can also help with getting the picture taken down.

      You are right to say that telling someone straight away is the best idea, but it is not too late to tell someone now, you do not have to cope with this alone.

      I hope this helps Caz,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 25/01/2014

  • Ambz

    24/01/2014

    I've seen the advert and I'm honestly worried that I'm like that towards my boyfriend. I get annoyed with his friends. I call him names, I can't believe it. I need help? Could someone please advise how I can snap out of it.

    Ambz - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Ambz,

      Thank you for your message. It takes a lot of strength to realise that we are acting in a way that is abusive and to admit to that. You have made the first step towards changing your behaviour by posting here today.

      The way you are acting is not ok and you know that. Have you spoken to your boyfriend about it? You need to commit to change and there are organisations out there that can help. The respect phone line works with people who are being abusive. You can call them and have a chat about the way you are acting they are the Respect phone line (0808 802 40 40. They are open Monday to Friday 9-5)

      I have also attached a pdf on jealousy you might want to look at.

      http://www.respect.uk.net/data/files/managing_jealousy_leaflet.pdf

      We also have live chat 5-7 weeknights if you would like to talk about this a bit more.

      Take care,
      Becca


      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Robyne

    24/01/2014

    never realised till know that i have been in abusive relationship, physically, mentally and emotionally, i always got its my fault and accused of cheating when am at a course but recently i had been beaten up after finding out i was pregnant, gladly the police have been involved and i knew that was the last straw and i had to get out of there as soon as possible, unfortunately now i have nothing no house and no money, am scared and just feel like bottling it all up is the best thing right now x

    Robyne - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Robyne,

      Thank you for sharing your story. I can hear what a terrifying ordeal you have been through and I’m pleased that you are not bottling it up and writing about what has happened here. You have been so strong and brave to get out of the relationship and you deserve some support.

      You are now in a situation where you are without a home and have no money – that’s really hard for you and I’m not sure of you are still pregnant or not. If you are or if you are not there are resources out there to help you. Have you spoken to any domestic abuse support services? The best place to find out what help you can get (practical and emotionally) is to call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247. You don’t have to cope on your own. There is also some advice below you may want to look at.

      http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100320005

      The more people you age supporting you right now the easier it will be for you to decide what to do next. You have dome the hardest thing, which is leave the relationship. You now have to go ahead with your life, but you don’t have to do it alone.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Tasha

    24/01/2014

    It feels nice knowing this has become a bit more recognised, especially as celebrities are saying it, people are more likely to listen and recognise abuse, i was sexually abused by my boyfriend until i managed to get out of it and i was afraid no one would believe me because he was my boyfriend, i hope everyone believes in themselves and manages to get out of these kind of situations...

    Tasha - 24/01/2014

    Reply
  • Jennifer

    24/01/2014

    My friend is being abused. After watching the Hollyoaks advert I went onto this website and read the "read the signs" part. 4 out of 6 relate to her life with him. We are worried about her because they're both young and yet everytime they see each other they have sex because HE wants to. We have tried to open her eyes and I've even given her a link of this website. She insists she "doesn't see it". Last weekend I'd had enough because he started arguing with her in the middle of KFC. I and another friend told him to leave with her to sort things but he snapped back telling us to but out. Even worse, he threatened another friend of mine and hers that he'd beat her if she didn't but out. He also calls her hurtful names and threatens to leave her because he's jealous that she spends time with us. Help.

    Jennifer - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Jennifer,

      Thank you for your message. I can hear that you are a caring person who has the best interest of their friend at heart. That’s great, as she needs people around her that will be supportive and not judge her. Which sounds exactly what you are doing.

      It seems that you have been able to talk to her about his behaviour in the past. If it comes up again you can let her know that you are there for her and that the way he is treating her isn’t normal. I don’t know from your message how old you are, but if you are worried you could perhaps discuss your fears with a parent, teacher or trusted adult. It’s a lot for you to deal with without support. Also if he is threatening to beat up one of your friends this might be something that they could talk about with someone in authority, that’s not ok and is against the law.

      When we care about someone we can want him or her to end an abusive relationship quickly, as we don’t like to see him or her hurt. However ending it is something only your friend can do in her own time. I know that’s really hard when we see they are in danger of being hurt.
      You have let her know that you are there for her and that there are places like this website and the domestic abuse helpline she can contact (0808 2000 247) It is important that she has people to turn to that she can trust, and you are one of those people.

      Take care Jennifer

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Ursula

    24/01/2014

    This is really good that emotional abuse is being hi-lighted aswel, because it is probably just as common and most of all, people think that it only goes hand in hand with physical abuse...it doesn't! I have recently come out of a relationship where he was emotionally abusive. I am still struggling to realise it wasn't my fault now and its been 4 months.
    One feedback I would like to give about the adverts though, is that there needs to be some kind of emphasis on how subtle the signs are... The ad seems to make it look obvious. Many mutual friends me and my ex have still are oblivious to what went on and almost don't seem to want to know! Because unlike with physical abuse, there is hardly anything to show for ' physically ' .

    Ursula - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Ursula,

      Thank you for your message and the feedback. You went through something really horrible with your ex and I can hear that you are feeling effected by the abuse. Emotional abuse can leave a person feeling unsure about themselves and the reasons for the abuse. What happened though was not your fault, it was the fault of the person who chose to abuse you.

      You say mutual friends do not understand what happened, that’s really hard for you, as you need some validation for what you experienced and someone to talk to. You might want to have look on this website for some support in your local area www.womensaid.org.uk or you can call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

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