HAVE YOUR SAY
Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships
If you've got something you'd like to talk about regarding any kind of relationship abuse, come and Have Your Say on our message board.
The chances are you'll be able to talk with someone who's gone through similar experiences to your own.
Seen the ads? What do you think?
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Is controlling who a partner sees or speaks to abuse?
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Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.
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Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.
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Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?
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Is bullying, controlling and putting a partner down abuse?
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Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you've got something to say about abuse in relationships then you'll need to accept our terms before you can take part - please see our rules on the right side of the page. You can then enter your comments below or under any video you want to talk about.
jess
31/12/2012
I was blackmailed by my ex to send him a video of myself fingering, i didnt want to do it but then i didnt want what he was threating me with to happen. So i sent him a video which i didnt want to.. Is that sextual assult?
jess - 31/12/2012
ReplyHi Jess, thanks for your post.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
You should try and find someone you trust to talk to about your situation. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
Vicky
31/12/2012
Can girls rape boys? I've asked a few friends if they think girls can rape boys and they said no. But i think their wrong. I just wanted to ask and see if I am right or wrong.
Vicky - 31/12/2012
ReplyHi Vicky,
Thanks for your question regarding rape.
The law says that rape can only be committed by a man as for the offence to be committed there must be intentional penetration of the mouth, vagina or anus of another person with a penis.
A woman can be convicted of sexual assault, which includes other sexual acts (e.g. intentional penetration of the vagina or anus of another person with a part of her body or an object).
Both are crimes and can result in imprisonment.
soph
31/12/2012
hi,
when i was 12 i was in a relatioship with a guy i didnt know, i met him through a friend and he never had a girlfriend before so i thought, why not.
after 2 weeks it was great, he invited me round his saying e could play snooker while his dad was in the livivng room, i saw no harm in itso i went round, it was about 9:15 and i had to be home by 9:30 as i arrived i noticed the house was silent, he then told me we were actually alone, i was worried but being 12 i didnt think anything of it.
we played snooker and i was just about to leave and he pushed me agasint the wall trying to get closer to me, i didnt like he, he kept trying to push me upstairs and i kept repeating ' i dont want to, please get off' it scared me, i got out before anything could happen, im 16 now and cant trust being alone with guys cause i keep thinking of that night, help me get over it?
soph - 31/12/2012
ReplyHi Soph, thanks for your post.
We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.
Being forced or pressured to take part in a sexual activity is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
Even though it was 4 years ago, please try and find someone you trust to talk to. By speaking about what happened, it will help you to move on. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Take care.
bella
31/12/2012
hi im sure you get lots of messages from girls being raped but i would like to share my story.
it was 2 days before my birthday and i was turning 13 (this was 2 months ago) and a boy i knew asked me out on a date . i thought it was harmless to see if i liked him. so we went out and we got on well (very well) so we kept going out. after two weeks we kissing and i went to his house thats when it got sexual and he started touching me and saying we should have sex i said no but he hit me and told me i was stupid and he pulled my skirt down and raped me.
im still in this abusive relationship and i cant get out he still rapes me regularly and im scared about getting pregnant will it stop or do i phone the police?
bella - 31/12/2012
ReplyHi Bella,
Many thanks for your recent message.
Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this is not your fault. If this is still happenening to you, you must try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there for you Bella.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
The abuse you describe is very unlikely to stop so you must speak to someone about it as soon as possible.
hollie
31/12/2012
I am 18. My bf has sex with me while I am asleep. I pretend its not happening because I confronted him about it before and he just lied to me.
We have a baby together and recently got back together.
Everytime we stay at each others houses he has sex with me while I am asleep even if we had already slept together I feel too ashamed to tell anyone and I know he would just lie about it what can I do
hollie - 31/12/2012
ReplyHi Hollie, thanks for your post.
It does not matter if you are in a relationship with someone or if they are a stranger. When someone makes you do something you do not want to do, it means you are not consenting and it is rape. It also does not matter if you start out by saying yes and then change your mind, or if you feel like you have 'given in'. It is also never OK to make someone feel bad if they don't want to have sex as this is a form of emotional abuse.
Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime – this includes if you are asleep when it happens. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this and you have nothing to feel ashamed about.
Please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
No name
31/12/2012
I'm 16 now, but two years (aged 14) ago I was forced into having sex with four lads when I was out with a friend. It's only been recently that I have come to terms with it all.
At first I blamed it on my self, telling my self it was all my fault, that I never fought hard enough to say no. I just thought I was a slut for letting them do that to me.
I had lost my virginity when I was 13 and thinking back then I now feel I was pressured into it as my boyfriend then used to (very occasional) hit me so I felt that I had to lose it with him.
so when the night I'm talking about happened I really didn't know what to do as if was only a few months after I had broke up my ex boyfriend.
So after the event, my head was a mess with the time what went by. And I have only came to terms with it all now and accepted that it wasn't my fault.
If it wasn't for my boyfriend who I've been with for a year and a half I wouldn't of been able to get to where I am now. He was the one that contacted a teacher for me, and encouraged me to go to the counselling set up by the school, so I am very greatful for what he has done.
What I'm also trying to say, I have been through at lot, and as much as I appreciate the support and help this will offer, the constant adverts just bring it all back to me. As I have just come to terms with it, the adverts are quite hard but it will be good when I can manage to get through them.
Thanks for letting me talk about this, even typing this out has taken quite a time for me to be able to do it.
And, any help is much appreciate. Thanks
No name - 31/12/2012
ReplyHi No name, thanks for sharing your story.
It's extremely positive that you are confronting your past in order to move on, and that you recognise none of this was your fault. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
You say that you’ve spoken to a teacher, a counsellor and your current boyfriend which is brilliant and we’re glad you have come to terms with what happened. If you do feel you need to talk to anyone else, you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
Thank you also for your feedback on the advert. We do realise that this is an extremely sensitive subject and that the advert is confrontational and difficult to watch, this is because it’s a very real representation of a very real problem.
Research shows that there are large numbers of teenagers (both male and female) who view this sort of behaviour as normal and/or just something that you put up with.
Our objective for this campaign is to improve understanding of what is and isn’t acceptable sexual behaviour, thereby helping people to recognise and name sexual abuse and rape as such.
The advert was developed with the help of several charities who work with people who have been affected by this issue and was also extensively researched with young people prior to being made.
The reason for it being shown on national television is an attempt to reach as many people as possible, creating national awareness of a national problem. We have already seen, in the response to the advert on this website, that it is proving helpful in enabling young people to rethink their attitudes towards rape.
We are truly sorry to hear of your distress but hope that you can appreciate the need to address this very serious issue.
Rebecca
30/12/2012
Hi. I'm only 13.
A few months ago i went to the cinema with my boyfriend and when it finished he told me to stay at his house for the night because it was really late and he didn't want me to walk home alone.
I agreed, so i went back to his house.
His parents were already in bed and i told him that i would just stay on the sofa but he told me that i was staying in his room with him. So i went up to his room with him and he told me that i could sleep in his bed and he would sleep on the floor, i thought that was ok so i agreed.
When i was getting in to his bed he told me that it was too cold to sleep on the floor and he got in the bed with me. I couldn't do anything because i was pushed up against the wall.
He started touching me and i told him that i wanted to go to sleep but he didn't stop and he started to lift up my shirt, i told him to stop but still he carried on. I couldn't do anything, i was crying and screaming but he wouldn't stop.
His parents came in and asked why i was screaming and he told them that he was just tickling me then they asked why i was crying and he told them that i was crying with laughter and i just got a bit over excited.
He was 15.
Rebecca - 30/12/2012
ReplyHi Rebecca,
Thank you for posting.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
Kate
30/12/2012
I'm 32, living with my partner, and we have a little girl who is 3.
When I was only just 16, I had a boyfriend. He was 3 years older than me. He was my first boyfriend. I didn't love him, I was too young. I was never ready for what he wanted.
He waned SEX and I DIDNT He pressured me into having it with him. I wanted too say no. But I felt stupid. I guess it wasn't real rape. But it made feel so dirty, unsure about my self. I would never want my daughter to go through this.
Kate - 30/12/2012
ReplyHi Kate, thank you for sharing your story.
We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. It does not matter if you are in a relationship with someone or if they are a stranger. When someone makes you do something you do not want to do, it means you are not consenting and it is rape. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone you trust about this if you can.
It could be a parent or other relative, a close friend or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
The campaign is aimed at 13-18 year olds but there are many specialist support services available for adults.
If you’re looking for support or advice you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) or log-on to Women's Aid's Survivors' Message board:
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=0001000100080021§ionTitle=Survivors+Forum.
Lily
30/12/2012
I am only 17, but I think this campaign is a good thing. Being someone who has been sexually abused, even though the adverts do remind me of what I went through, I think it's a good idea to put the message out there so people know what is right and wrong. I think that in modern day society that these messages are a vital way for youths, as many are impressionable from things they watch on tv. I think that we do need adverts like this out there to counter-act the bad things that kids can watch.
Lily - 30/12/2012
Replyemma
30/12/2012
hey,
ummm im not gonna metion any names as i dont feel comftable saying who, but a few months ago, i had been dating this boy for atleast 4 months and everything was going great, he was really nice and romantic, and brought me loads of stuff.
but then one day we were in the house alone and he said babe i think we should do it, and then i said no, im not ready , and then he said some things like everyone else has done it, if we do it , ill never leave you, and i just felt really guilty for saying no, so i went ahead and did it with him even though it didnt feel right.
i mean, i didnt like mean to be pressured into it, but it was just the way he made me feel bad.
then he didnt see me for at least 3 days. no texts or even calls. so i went round his and asked him if he was okay and how he has been , etc, and he seemed completely fine, and we had a good laugh, but the next day when we walked to school together , something werid happened. he had changed.
like usally he would be really funny, and like jolly and happy on the way to school , but he wasn’t.he kept on saying i was annoying him by textin, so i said okai and stopped.
but then my mate rang and i picked it up and said hello, then he snached my phone away from me and pushed me up against the wall, and yelled at me for answering my phone and wouldnt give it back. luckly he came by my house after school and gave it back to my mum as i wasnt there.
that night we agreed to break up, i was heartbroken at first cause i really did love him, i would of done anything to keep that relationship going, but it was putting me in danger so i had to let to let our love go...
then 5 weeks later i found out he had moved on, i will admit at first i was abit upset, but i got over it, but then 2 months later i had finally gotten over him and i was going out with someone else .... and when he found out, he made me feel so guilty and said he hated me , and wants nothing to do with me , but i havent done anything wrong, have i ??
to be honest its like your screaming, but no one can hear you, and like you almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important , that without them you feel like nothing , i feel like no one will ever understand how much it hurts, and i felt hopeless, like nothing could save me, and even though now ive sort of moved on, and its over and its gone , i wish i could have all the bad stuff back , so that i could have the good ....
i dont think i regret really like losing him, i think i mostly regret giving him my all and losing me.....
emma - 30/12/2012
ReplyHi Emma, thanks for your post.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault and you should not feel ashamed. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
If you’re still worried about what happened, please find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Take care.
JAMES
30/12/2012
When I was young I was sexually violated by a middle aged woman at a house where I slept with my school friend. The family were holding a party. Why is her touching and caressing my penis somehow not a crime? I awoke terrified and frozen. I told nobody until I was in my 20s. I was terrified. Society doesn't want hear such stories which is why male rape sexual assault and victims of female pedophiles renders many to firmly place their heads in the sand. As I got older, my mother took an un-natural interest in my puberty and would come in during the night to ask if I had started puberty and asking to see any hairs growing. . By the time I reached 14, she had taken every opportunity to fondle my genitals at every opportunity that would enable her to get away with it un-seen. It transpires to be the very reason my brothers left home as soon as they could. I guess with her being female she must be ill!
I note the definition of rape clearly overlooks the sexual violation of the male genitals and anus. Typical that it really as it serves to keep people in a place. Men as the aggressor and women as the victim. How typical of a British government to once again over look men. I guess with me being male and feminist sexist notions of masculinity render me to be not a victim and that I should be grateful for the opportunity. It is believed male rape and sexual abuse by females just doesn't happen.
I have huge empathy for many on here. Any unwanted ordeal from one person to another is equally as serious irrespective of respective genders.
According to Scotland Yards statistics produced in association with 'Survivors' a male rape charity, out of 70 male rapes three will be reported. So you do the math, in 2011 1,174 male rapes were reported.
And yet in this country, even having your violation acknowledged by the state is an uphill struggle with the government preferring to demonise males and ignore facts.
Happy new year all and I hope you remain safe and get the help you need.
JAMES - 30/12/2012
ReplyHi James,
We are sorry to hear about your terrible experiences.
Sexual assault is a crime which anyone can be a victim of, whether they are female, male, gay or straight. No matter how long ago this happened, it’s important that you get support.
SurvivorsUK supports adult men over the age of 18 who have experienced sexual violation at any time in their lives. They offer a helpline for male survivors, their friends, family and carers on 0845 1221201 (Mon/Tues 7-9.30pm and Thurs 12-2.30pm) or info@survivorsuk.org " target="_blank">www.survivorsuk.org / info@survivorsuk.orgÂ
Samantha
30/12/2012
Thank you for your campaign and for your awareness when it comes to rape.
I am, however, a bit upset at the amount of times you repeat your "if you could see yourself, would you see rape?" Advert during the advert breaks on telly. Once or twice is enough, but I have counted it being shown at least over six times and as a rape survivor it's very triggering and upsetting for me to see it in my face all the time. I'm not saying that you should remove the advert but I'm sick of seeing it over 6 times in the space of an hour and it makes me very uncomfortable, upset and reminds me of what I went through. As a suggestion could you perhaps only show it maybe a few times?
Have the satistics in sexual violence increased over the holiday period? Is this a reason as to why you're showing the advert a lot recently? If not, then I'd like to know.
I (and others I've noticed) think personally that there's too much of the ad going about.
Thanks though for your awareness.
Samantha - 30/12/2012
ReplyHi Samantha,
Thank you for your feedback, we are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past and sorry to hear that you find the advert distressing.
We do realise that this is an extremely sensitive subject. We also realise that the advert is confrontational and difficult to watch, particularly for someone who has been a victim of rape.
The average number of times that anyone should see this advert in the whole time that it is running on TV (1st Dec – 20th Jan) is 4. As we can only run this advert post 9pm, the ads can in some cases run quite close together but we do limit the number of times we show the advert across each channel and programme. However if you channel hop, you may find that you see the ad more frequently.
The advert was developed with the help of several charities who work with people who have been affected by this issue and was also researched with young people prior to being made. Working with those charities, we did consider that the advert may be distressing to some victims of rape, however, our research shows that there are large numbers of teenagers (both male and female) who view this sort of behaviour as normal and/or just something that you put up with. Our objective for this campaign is to ensure that we improve understanding of consent among young people – in order that we prevent future cases of rape and encourage people who have experienced this to get help. I hope you understand that we need to tackle these issues in order to help people realise that this behaviour isn’t acceptable and signpost them to places they can get help.
The reason for it being shown on national television is an attempt to reach as many people as possible, creating national awareness of a national problem, however, we also appreciate that this may mean that victims of rape may see the advert and find it distressing. If you would find it useful we can send you a copy of the media schedule, please post again and leave your email address so that we can follow this up with you.
We have already seen, in the response to the advert on this website, that it is proving helpful in enabling young people to rethink their attitudes towards rape. It is also helping people who have been victims of rape, in very similar circumstances to the scene in the advert, recognise for the first time that they were raped and then go on to seek help and support they need.
We are truly sorry to hear of your distress and hope you understand why we have made the advert. If you need advice, you can call Rape Crisis (0808 802 9999 - 12 - 2.30pm and 7 - 9.30pm) who can offer support whether you’ve just experienced something or you are having difficulties about something that has happened in the past. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.
Holly
29/12/2012
Hi,
When I was 10, I was in a relationship with an 11 year old. He used to watch porn. (I'm not mentioning any names.) When I went round his house, he sometimes had porn on his laptop. He used to show me it. I didn't like it, but he didn't stop playing it or turn the screen away. When I got up and walked to the other side of the room, he showed me what was going on. This may seem stupid, but I hated it. Even when I couldn't see it, I could hear it. Does this count as sexual assault?
Holly - 29/12/2012
ReplyHi Holly,
Thank you for your recent question.
This is what the law says regarding sexual assault.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
kay
29/12/2012
I understand the concept of the advertisement campaign but I have to honest I am actually a victim of abuse and rape. And for me this advert been as explicit and vivid as it is has actually brought back alot of the feelings I have felt. It has taken me a long time to overcome what I have been through. Although I understand that this is aimed for teenagers to prohibit them from abusing thier girlfriends and to understand what no means, and to read the signs when a girl does not want to have sex. For me I find it really hard to watch and it really makes me feel uncomfortable, it takes me right back to my experiances, and my question really is to ask was this thought about. I also felt for people who are already doing such dispicable things the way the boy has the power over the young girl in the video I think in some ways would be appealing to those already with this mind set. Would it not have been better to do the video where the girl is saying no and fights back instead?I am talking about the RAPE video.
kay - 29/12/2012
ReplyHello Kay,
Thank you for your feedback, we are sorry to hear that you find the advert distressing.
We do realise that this is an extremely sensitive subject. We also realise that the advert is confrontational and difficult to watch, this is because it’s a very real representation of a very real problem.
Research shows that there are large numbers of teenagers (both male and female) who view this sort of behaviour as normal and/or just something that you put up with.
Our objective for this campaign is to improve understanding of what is and isn’t acceptable sexual behaviour, thereby helping people to recognise and name sexual abuse and rape as such.
The advert was developed with the help of several charities who work with people who have been affected by this issue and was also extensively researched with young people prior to being made.
The reason for it being shown on national television is an attempt to reach as many people as possible, creating national awareness of a national problem. We have already seen, in the response to the advert on this website, that it is proving helpful in enabling young people to rethink their attitudes towards rape.
We are truly sorry to hear of your distress Kay but hope that you can appreciate in light of your own experience, the need to address this very serious issue.
No name
29/12/2012
Hi,recently I went over to my boyfriends house to meet his family for the second time.Afterwards he said "I haven't shown you upstairs yet have I ?" And I kind of knew what he ment by that.then he showed me his room and we later down in his bed together just to cuddle but then he started feeling me I wasn't that bothered at first but then he started taking my clothes off and I told him to stop but he wouldn't and it was obvious I was in pain and didn't like it but he didn't care. What should I do? I don't want anything like this to happen to me in only fifteen and he's eighteen please help me, thanks
No name - 29/12/2012
ReplyHello "No name"
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
Try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.