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This is ABUSE

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Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships

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TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS

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An expert from Young People’s Services – AVA – is reading and responding to posts on the site, to ensure that responses are independent, sensitive and helpful.

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Results: 375 - 390 of 2149

  • Charlie Newton

    04/02/2014

    Relationship abuse shall not be accepted in todays society. And if you are being abused get out of it srtraight away dont be scared your the victim. Speak to a parent/carrer or a help service for advice and help. :D Hope this helps:p

    Charlie Newton - 04/02/2014

    Reply
  • matt

    04/02/2014

    I was a (male) victim of abuse by my wife. It started out as verbal, mental and financial abuse and after I had a nervous break down, physical abuse. She divorced me after I left home with only the clothes I stood in. I couldnt fully cope with the divorce as it brought back flashbacks of the horror of living with her and so in an act of savage injustice the kangaroo divorce court awarded everything I owned to my abuser and left me homeless and destitute.

    matt - 04/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Matt,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like you have had a really difficult time, and I want you to know that there are services out there that can help you. You might benefit from contacting the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327, a national helpline for men who have experienced domestic abuse. They may also be able to put you in contact with local services that can offer you ongoing support.

      It's really unusual that your partner was given everything by the Court, as assets are normally split 50/50 if the relationship has been longer than 2 years. It may be worth going back to get some more legal advice around this. It may be worth looking to see if there is a Law Centre which offers free legal advice in your area to see if this can be challenged.

      However, my main concern at the moment is that you are getting some emotional support. It may also be worth talking to your GP as you are entitled to 6 sessions of counselling on the NHS which may help you begin to tackle some of these issues.

      I hope this helps! Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 05/02/2014

  • Sarah Jane

    04/02/2014

    I am in an emotionally abusive relationship. Cannot believe I left one which was left than perfect but where I felt safe and walked in to this. He is charming and lovely lots but has outbursts where he says he doesn't want to be with me, says I don't need to see my single friends anymore, gets annoyed when I don't want sex, gets cross if I don't wear flat shoes. I'm always second guessing myself and doing things to please him rather than things I actually want to do. He is going to therapy and had glimpses if recovery which kept me in but then of course something will happen. That look. The quiet. When I told him how I felt the other day in a really loving way he thought that what I said was disgusting and disappointing in such a way it broke my heart. I know this isn't love. We kind of work together and the people that look after me in the company all work for him so afraid as leaving work will have a potential impact in my career. But
    At the stage where I don't care and just want my freedom. I'm too scared to tell him and
    I am not good with confrontations at all anyway. Would a letter be best? I REALLY news your help. I am crying all the time. I'm very successful and smart usually. Please please help. X

    Sarah Jane - 04/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Sarah Jane,

      It can be really tough when we know the best thing to do is to end a relationship, especially when it is intertwined with career and such like. But I think you know that it is best for you to end the relationship, because like you said, he is still not changing his behaviour even though he has accessed therapy.

      He couldn't fire you, and if he did then you could take him to an employment tribunal for unfair dismissal.

      However, I think the most important thing here is that you look after yourself, and your emotional wellbeing. It is clear that he is being abusive, and does't want to address his behaviour, and in that case then you have to remove yourself from the situation to stay safe.

      It might be helpful to get in touch with your local domestic abuse service, they will offer you support around the emotional abuse that has taken place and may be able to offer ongoing support for you. You can find them on Google or by contacting the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 05/02/2014

  • Dee

    04/02/2014

    I've bin on and off with my ex for nearly a year now. We split up around last June and since then acted like a couple but he never actually wanted get back together with me. All my family and friends hate him and he's never made an effort come mine. Its always me going to see him. And if i dont then he calls me a slag and slut and sais i obvisoly have better things to do. Sais if i dont buy him things he will go out and meet other girls. Then sometimes when I am with him he will be really nice to me one minute saying he loves me. And the next just go all funny with me and say i make him sick and to get out of his house. He's blocked me off all social netwoking sites and only speaks to me through text. And Ive found out he has bin meeting other girls. He constantly brings me down and be-littles me. Ive recently found out i'm pregnant and he's saying its not his and accusing me off sleeping round. Its like i cant do anything right! I love him to bits but I just cant cope anymore

    Please help :(

    Dee - 04/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Dee,

      It sounds like a really horrible situation. I don't think anyone deserves to be treated the way he is treating you. It is not kind, and it is certainly not loving. It seems that you are giving him far more respect than he is giving you.

      It's very clear that this is an unhappy relationship, and you are putting in far more than your partner, but it is your choice what you would like to do next. It seems like your family really dislike him, it might be worth finding out why that is.

      It is at times like this that you need support from those closest to you, especially with a baby on the way, so talk to your friends and family about what has been going on.

      It might be helpful for you to talk to us a little bit more about what has been happening for you. We are running live chat sessions Monday to Friday 5pm until 7pm on the website.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 05/02/2014

  • chloe

    03/02/2014

    I have been in a relationship for over a year now but the emotional abuse has only been going on for a few months. He admits he has an anger problem and always says he is going to change. I love him but my self esteem and confidence because of the name calling, criticism and screaming at me almost every day is non existent, and yes he has hit me but only twice. I cry every day and now sorry just isnt good enough, I love him to death well the old him what can I do to help me and to stop him

    chloe - 03/02/2014

    Reply
    • I know exactly how you are feeling, the same is happening to me at the moment, we need to stick together, if you are scared of him you need to leave. I know its easy for me to say that but I have to do the sane thing, we think we love them but this isn't love. Its disrespectful and degrading, we can all do much better than a partner that hurts you, hope you get the support.

      Daisy x

      daisy - 05/02/2014

    • Hello Chloe,

      Thank you for getting in touch.
      It sounds as though your having a difficult time at the moment. You are in an abusive relationship where your partner is verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. I know that you said that he only hit you twice but no one has the right to hit anyone, not even once.
      It seems unlikely that he will change his behaviour as you said he keeps promising to change but never does.
      Have you told anyone about what is happening? A friend, family member or someone you can trust?

      You could contact www.womensaid.org.uk or call them on their Freephone number 0808 2000 247.

      We also have live chat sessions Mon-Fri, 5-7pm if you wanted to chat.

      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 04/02/2014

  • hayley

    03/02/2014

    Im a girl who was in an abusive relationship with a very violent and controlling man but I didnt realise til I was out of it.. I was beaten, told what to wear, where abouts I could and couldn't go, even stalked when I was out with friends. My family and friends try to warn me but I couldn't see it and just ignored them. Im so glad im not in that relationship anymore because It would not just be me suffering it would be my 4 month old son aswell..people dont notice how abuse can effect children. But I joined a group called the freedom project, this is a room of woman going through the same as you, you discuss signs of abuse and what category he is in ie( sexual controller, pursuader etc) I recommend people going through situation like this to look for this freedom project it helped me and everything is confidential :) hope I helped someone x

    hayley - 03/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Hayley

      Thanks for getting in touch and sharing a bit about your experience. Its a relief to hear that you and your child are safe now and i am sure many people will appreciate your advice about seeking help and the fact that there are programmes designed to support victims of abuse in recovering from the experience.

      I hope that life continues to keep improving for you

      Take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 05/02/2014

  • anon

    03/02/2014

    Hi I think I'm being abused but I'm not sure and I don't know what to do about it. Ive been with my bf for 7 years, I'm 26 years old and we have a daughter together. It started before our daughter was born, we were living together and he started sexually touching me in my sleep. I kept telling him I didn't like it but he carried on anyway but not as often. I started to hate having sex. We ended up losing our jobs and moved back in with our parents. I found out I was pregnant. Everything was great then, until I had my child. He started shouting at me a lot and started touching me again. Since my child has been born I've not had sex as I don't want it anymore, I don't even like talking about it. My bf says Im being horrible and unfair. Ive told him if he doesn't like it he can go find someone else (I try to give as good as I get with him) but he gets really annoyed and starts calling me names, telling me I'm a stupid this n that and swears constantly. He does it in fro t of my daughter too, calls me a retard etc.I also told him I was going to leave him once for touching me but he threatened to kill himself. He still tries now but I've become such a light sleeper I'll push him away when were in bed, I don't even let him hug me anymore. I lashed out once when I was annoyed but he punched me back to show me I wasn't being nice. He's punched me in the night 'in his sleep' before but nothing ever any other time. I can't tell anyone as everyone loves him, I get told by his mum 'stay with him as he's a great dad etc' but when were alone anywhere he won't bother with her. If he's going in somewhere and our daughter wants the toilet for example, I have to take her 'because he's got to pay for stuff' (even though its with my money). He spends all his money on himself, games, stuff for his car etc then relies on me to pay for everything else, food, petrol etc. He doesn't like the fact I'm in college but he loves the fact we both work, as it means more money for him to spend. We constantly argue and I'm at my wits end. He's really good at arguing and says a lot of it is my fault, because I won't have sex or because my mums asked him to tidy up, or because my friends mentioned something... Also if I make friends with someone he automatically thinks I'm sleeping with them and has a running joke that I'm a lesbian with one of them, its getting me down because he takes things too far and I hardly see them anymore because of it. I love him and I've been told there's more to live than worrying about little things so I dont bother telling anyone as most people can be like he is and I've looked online and most things I read tell me its my fault for not wanting sex etc. So I haven't got a clue, I just want to know what I'm dealing with or whether I'm going mad because it feels like it. Hope you can help as I'm at my wits end. Thanks

    anon - 03/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Anon,

      Thanks for your message. Firstly I want to reassure you that you are not mad, you are experiencing abuse. It’s great you have felt strong enough to post here. There is support for you to access. You don’t have to cope on your own with what is happening to you.

      You describe a lot of things in your message and all of them sound abusive. Your partner sexually assaulted you while you were sleeping and has continued to do so, despite you telling him that you do not want him too. He is verbally abusing you, has assaulted you, is financially abusing you and is also using threats of suicide to control you. He is also trying to stop your education and isolate you from friends. These are serious things and are against the law. None of these things are your fault, he is choosing to behave in the way that he is.

      I can hear that you have a lot of responsibilities and you are becoming overwhelmed by the abuse happening in your relationship on top of raising your daughter, working and going to college. That’s a lot to cope with on your own. It sounds like you have tried to discuss the situation with your mother in law but have not been supported. Do you know anyone you could talk to about this, friends, family, or someone else in your life? If you don’t feel able to talk to anyone you know I would encourage you to call the 24 -hour domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247. You can speak to them about how you are feeling and what options you could take. You may also want to discuss the sexual assaults you have experienced from your partner. If so you can call Rape Crisis, they are an organisation who specialise in working with women and girls who have suffered sexual violence and trauma. They can talk with you in a confidential and non-judgemental setting. You can reach them on 0808 802 (12 –2.30 & 7 – 9.30 everyday).

      You might also want to look on this website for more information about domestic abuse in relationships.

      www.womensaid.org.uk

      The more support you have the easier it will be for you decide what you would like to do next. You say you are at your wits end, and it’s understandable. You have been in an abusive relationship a long time and have to be careful of your every action. That’s incredibly stressful, if you speak to someone about what is happening then you may be able to get some perspective on what you are dealing with and work out some ways to make the next step towards getting some practical help.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 05/02/2014

  • Amy

    03/02/2014

    I'm 26 and have never in 8 years said or written what I'm about to but I've got to a point in my life that makes me think I need to finally confront this. When I was 17 I started dating this guy in college. I didn't go out with him for a really long time as I didn't really think I liked him that much or want a boyfriend, relationships were never talked about in my family so I didn't know what I wanted. Every time I turned him down a friend or one of his would say how much he liked me and I should just give him a chance. I've never been one for attention or confidence so I gave in and we went out. After one date I decided I couldn't do it and I said to him I didn't think ws should be together. It was so awkward at college the next day because everyone knew we'd been out and he was moping around. I became the bad guy and it didn't do anything for my self esteem so when he asked me to go out again I relented. I know that was stupid and cowardly but I didn't know what to do.
    Anyway I had been raised by roman Catholics so sex never made it into a conversation and I went to a Catholic school so education was limited in that sense. I knew I wasn't ready for sex so said I didn't want it until I was married and he said the same thing. I didn't really understand what I was doing with him but I was too worried to break up with him, every time he could tell I was ready to break things off he'd ask my friends about things to surprise me with so they knew he was doing something nice like buy me flowers, chocolates or cook dinner. He looked like the good guy and I seemed like the cold cow who couldn't love him. Then on Valentinea day he said he loved me when we were at his parents house alone, I didn't know what to say so I let him kiss me and touch me and we went to his room. I dkn't know if I can even call it rape, thats the stupid thing. I didn't want it, he knew my view at the time and I thought he had the same but he got me naked and was over me and I know I didn't struggle but I did say I didn't want to do it. I remember calling my dad to pick me up and checking my knickers at home for blood but there wasn't any so I didn't tell anyone. As the eldest sister I didn't know what to say or who to talk to esspecially with him being so openly smitten at college. After that I tried to find excuses not to be at his house but he'd find ways to make sure I was like inviting my friends over for parties and keeping me behind or waiting for me after school. He'd take my sister's for joy rides in his mums car and not understand why I got angry and he had sex with me whenever we were at his house alone. I never responded to it I just remember lying there and letting him and it was always unprotected, I even thought I'd got pregnant once and told a friend I was scared but my period came the next day and I never said anything again.
    Finally when he lied and said he'd been in a car accident just to get me over to his house I knew I had to end it and I eventually had the courage to dk it. It helped that I had finished my a-levels and was moving 200 miles away to uni. For the first 6 months he'd text asking what I was doing and who I was out with and face book made it easier for him to track me. I changed my number and blocked him and to this day I've never told anyone any of that.
    Ive never never been to a doctor about it because my aunt works at my surgery and I was too embarrassed to say anything, I still feel that way, but when I've been to rhe doctor and they've asked if I've had sex I've said no, that I'm a virgin so when I went for my cervical screening they said I didn't need it. I know how stupid that is but saying what happened so long ago makes me sick but I know I need to say something because I think its seriously affected how I view relationships, in 8 years ive never gone past a first date with someone and I don't know what to do. Why am I still scared to say something that happened so long ago, I don't want to go to the police or anything I just don't know if its worth going to my doctor and telling her about it, she can't tell anyone can she?
    I'm just so confused and worried about confronting my past because maybe he didn't do anything wrong and I don't know what to think or get past it. It plays in my head every day for one reason or another and I'm scared it'll never go away or always hold me back. I'm not even sure what I'm asking for on here. I guess just advice on how to deal with it.

    Amy - 03/02/2014

    Reply
  • lauren

    03/02/2014

    I am 30 years olld I just wanted to kind of write something for the people that are in an abuse relationship, I myself was in a very abusive realtionship. I was with my partner for 12 years and we have an 11 year old child. To begin with things were ok but then not long after having my child things turned for teh wrose, he was very abusive towards me, very jelous and controling he didnt like me seeing my friends or family, and constanly accused me of having an affair ( when i wasnt) he not only used verbal abuse it would be physical from headbutting,punching and strangling me to burning me with a lighter. I was always to scared to leave due to what he would say he would do to me, But eventually one day I woke up and could not take any more, where i went a seekd help at a womens refuge and it was the best thing i done, they helped me through my court case with setting up access so he could still our child, helped to re house me helped me financally, and helped me to gain an injunction against him in court where he cant contact me, I am starting to live my life and it is great, I no longer feel scared and i nothing to do with him, they really are amzing people. I have since met someone new who is amazing and treats me wonderful, My only regret is that i didnt do it sonner for both me and my child, There are people out there who can help. Please dont suffer any more than you have to!

    lauren - 03/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lauren,

      Thank you for getting in touch.
      Your story is reassuring for others to know that there are services available to offer all kinds of support to victims of domestic abuse.
      You say that your only regret was not leaving sooner but you need to remember you did the best you could at that time for you and your child. By sharing your story you can help people who are in similar situations and the fact you have being able to move on to having a healthy relationship gives hope that not all relationships are abusive.

      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 04/02/2014

  • concerned mum

    03/02/2014

    I was married to my children's father, who said he didn't abuse us because he didn't punch us! As that had been his childhood experience, during which he'd felt helpless.
    Unfortunately my children only ever had his role modeling to guide them, as we were rarely able to have friends and only saw family occasionally.
    My teens are far better now its not so raw but they have contact with Dad. How can I help them to not be like him? A lot they don't agree is abuse because 'norm' and their teen heads. Please help.

    concerned mum - 03/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi,
      Thanks for your message. Abuse is not always physical there are other ways in which a person can control us without physically hurting us. It must have been hard for all of you not being able to have friends around and only seeing family on occasions.
      Have you tried to speak to your children? If so when? Children need time to adjust to changes so if you spoke to them as soon as you and your ex-husband separated the timing might have not being right.
      Having consistent boundaries and you being clear on what behaviour is acceptable and unacceptable will help your children.
      For more information you could contact your local domestic abuse service or visit www.womensaid.org.uk
      You can also come and chat with us Mon-Fri 5-7pm on live chat.

      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 04/02/2014

  • Donna

    03/02/2014

    I am 22 years old and have been with my boyfriend for just short of 2 years. Occasionally he'll 'play fight' with me, to the extent of pulling my hair, bending my fingers back, pulling my arm behind my back, even repeatedly hitting me over and over again on my head/ear, but he says he's 'play fighting'. About a month ago, I said I don't like it when he does this, he hurts me and takes it to seriously. I've even seen him using all his strength so he tenses and I can see his body shaking because he's tensing and using all his force on me when he's 'play fighting' with me - to the extent my eyes begin to water. I try to hide the pain he causes me infront of him, because when I first began to wonder if he was deliberately trying to cause me pain, I didn't want him to think he was succeeding, so I try to hide it, but more so lately he's been getting more forceful with this 'play fighting'.
    Also, for quite some time now I have wondered if his actions in the bedroom could be considered as forceful and/or unacceptable behaviour. As he lives so close to my house we see each other most days, practically every day of the week, and with this he wants sex every single day I see him - he'd have it 2/3 times a day if he could. But I know every time he sees me, we HAVE to have sex at the end of the night before I can go home again, if I try to say I've had a long day at work and I'm tired, expecially towards the end of the week, he gets very moody, won't speak to me, says 'I don't know why I bother trying to be nice to you, its just wasted' as if he's only been nice to me that day because he was hoping for sex at the end of that night...
    There has been times about a year ago, where I'd be falling asleep and he'd be trying to sexually feel around me, whilst I had my eyes close and was barely awake. One time I leant over to reach my phone off the side of the window ledge which is next to his bed, and in the few short seconds I did that, he literally pulled my pants down as i was on all fours, and forced himself inside me, without any foreplay, ect, which obviously hurt me a lot at the time.
    I did confront him about this, about 10 months ago, and we broke up for a short space of time due to his lack of respect towards me. Since then we have continued our relationship as he said he'd changed and he'd realised what he'd lost. Since then, he still expects sex every single day, even when I'm to tired and even ill. Only a couple of days ago, I was very ill, full of a cold and cough, we'd gone up to bed and I said my eyes felt really heavy and I was exhausted as I'd barely slept the night before due to being ill. He offered to give me a massage as I said my whole body was aching from the cold, so I accepted, I told him to be gentle as I was tender and weak from being ill, however I should have known what he expected at the end of this massage favour. As I lay on my side, slowly drifting off to sleep and relaxing, he began forcing his fingers around my private bits trying to sexually excite me, I knew full well what he wanted, and I know I had no choice but to lay there and just let him have sex with me, even though I didn't want it and I was practically asleep, dosed up on paracetamol and medicines.
    He does this type of behaviour quite often to, if I try to say I don't feel 'in the mood' for sex or I'm tired/ill, he'll just carry on and on 'trying' to get me in the mood, I know when he begins doing this I have to basically lie there and just let him do it, or else he'll 'have a paddy and a strop'. Then a few times when I have been to tired for sex, he'll say things after it like 'its like having sex with a dead person' or 'could you look anymore lifeless having sex with me? you know how to make me feel special don't you Donna!' I reply by saying 'I tried to tell you I was to tired' but again he retaliates with another derogatory comment.
    I have felt as though i'm just a piece of meat to him, and since us splitting up about 10 months ago I'd hoped all that would change. However his behaviour in the bedroom recently again is making me question is this kind of behaviour normal in relationships? I know lads are supposedly 'sex mad' and stereotypically want it a lot more than girls do, but surely to expect it every single day is not right?!...

    Donna - 03/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Donna,

      Thanks for getting in touch, it seems like so many aspects in your relationship are abusive, and that must be really tough for you.

      Firstly, it is very clear that he is using physical abuse against you. The playfighting seems to have got very much out of hand, even when you have tried to address it with him he doesn't want to stop this, and it sounds like you are getting hurt.

      I am also really concerned about the sexual acts that are taking place, from an outside perspective then I would say this is rape. He is pressuring you to have sex when you don't want to have sex. By him forcing his fingers inside you without your consent then this is sexual assault. It is not acceptable, it is not your fault but his actions are not ok.

      By pressuring you to have sex, and you 'giving in' and having sex with him to keep him happy is still classed as sexual assault. I think you are spot on when you highlighted the lack of respect he has for you, if he had respect for you then he would accept that you are tired or ill and know that is not a good time to have sex with you.

      I think it's really important that you get some professional support around what is happening, there is so much going on and it must be having a huge affect on your mental health. It also seems to be so entrenched in your relationship that you no longer see it as abuse. It might also be helpful to talk to a close friend about what is happening.

      I think it would be really helpful for you to contact your local domestic abuse service. You can find them through the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247, or through the Women's Aid's website, www.womensaid.org.uk. You can also call Rape Crisis on 0808 802 9999, which might be able to help you with coming to terms with the sexual abuse that has taken place.

      I really hope you access some support, his behaviour towards you is completely unacceptable.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 05/02/2014

  • anonymous

    02/02/2014

    At the age of 13 I slept with a boy who said he loved me - he was 17 at the time, I did not want to sleep with him ans still think about it now, im now 18 amd hes still trying to contact me. What do I do and who can I talk to?

    anonymous - 02/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Anonymous,

      Thank you for your message, it’s really brave of you to post here and reach out for help. You have gone through something really horrible and serious and you have coped on your own with it for a long time. You don’t have to any more, there is support out there.

      You were very young when you were raped, it’s not surprising you still think about it. You went though something very traumatic and serious. Rape can have lasting effects on a person and it’s important that you get some support to help you deal with these.

      What happened to you was not your fault and you deserve some help in your recovery. I understand this is something you might not want to talk about with friends or family, so you could perhaps contact a service that work with rape and abuse. Rape Crisis are an organisation who specialise in working with women and girls who have suffered sexual violence. They can talk with you in a confidential and non-judgemental setting. You can reach them on 0808 802 (12 –2.30 & 7 – 9.30 everyday). They will be able to listen to what you need to speak about and point you towards help in your local area if you feel that’s something you want to do.

      You say this person is still contacting you, does this make you feel unsafe? Would you feel able to tell them to not contact you, or to discus this unwanted contact with someone you trust? I understand how upsetting this contact must be, as it is a reminder of what happened.

      If you want to talk about this more with one of our team you can use the live chat function 5-7 weeknights.

      Take care,
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 04/02/2014

  • Shaz

    02/02/2014

    I met my bf last year. He seemed perfect he was perfect then a month in he ended it with me because I spoke to an ex bf and a guy who used to like me - I told him this because I wanted to be honest. I begged him on the phone for 2 hours crying and he went to sleep. The next day he took me back but since then he's ended it again called me names offered to give my number to his friends and said that I will never find anyone better than him. Were together now but I feel so slobe. He has never said anything n good about me he just calls me stupid and will randomly call joking that he cheated or joking that we won't talk again after today. He says he loves me but I don't feel loved I feel so alone. I get more compliments off strangers than my own boyfriebd my friends said he's emotionally abusive but I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not?

    Shaz - 02/02/2014

    Reply
  • anon

    02/02/2014

    my ex boyfriend and me broke up a few months ago after he asked me for pics and when we met up he kept begging me for sex and to give him what he wanted when i said no he said he could get condoms and that he wantedto here me moan for him i kept refusing but im confused as i love him and think he does me but i dont no if he will try something i dont wont to do or force me to.

    anon - 02/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like it's been really tough on you.

      It is never acceptable for someone to pressure another person in to having sex or performing sexual acts, and if he had any respect for you then he would not behave in this way.

      It is your body, and you should feel comfortable in the things that you do with it. You should not use it to do what somebody tells you you have to do.

      It sounds like you have made the right choice by ending the relationship. It seems like he is not supportive of your needs, and I hope you find somebody who doesn't pressure you and makes you feel comfortable when you are ready.

      If you wanted to talk to someone in a little more detail about what has happened then you can contact childlike on 0800 1111 if you are under 16, or the national helpline on 0808 2000 246 if you are 16 and over.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 04/02/2014

  • lindsay

    02/02/2014

    I have been in a relationship for 9 years and i now realise all is not well and i feel trapped and scared pls help

    lindsay - 02/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lindsay,

      Thank you for getting in touch. It sounds like it's really difficult for you at the moment.

      Unfortunately I can't give you very much information without a bit more detail. It would be really helpful if you were to come and talk to us on Live Chat Monday-Friday 5pm until 7pm. Alternatively give the national helpline a call on 0808 2000 247, and we can explore your options with you.

      It's really important that you know that there are services out there that can help you and help you leave as safely as possible, so please do get in touch!

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 04/02/2014

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