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This is ABUSE

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Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships

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Results: 375 - 390 of 2090

  • Louise

    25/01/2014

    I've just come out of a year relationship and I have to say had I not seen the clips on Hollyoaks I may never of realised how abusive my boyfriend was. I was completely blind to it. He made me think I was going mad. Ended up on antidepressants because I was so drained and low.
    He would tell me how to dress. Say I looked like I had put my makeup on with a trowel even though I hardly put any on. He would finish with me and then come back days later and then do it all over again. I've lost count of how many times hes ended the relationship. Why I kept taking him back was because I was so weak and thought I needed him. This time I'm not as upset because he started being horrible to my son who has special needs. He would mimic him and ridicule him. And tell him off constantly. He would say hes getting on his nerves and I'd have to take him into another room out of his way.
    He picked fault in every meal I made him, never said thank you. Never lifted a finger expected me to wait on him whilst he sat on his X Box. He was also very abusive and controlling to his Mum which was also draining to watch as she is a lovely lady.
    He would call me names like ......... even though I'm slim and tell me Im gaining weight and need to watch what I eat. Finally last week he hit me so hard on the forehead it was a slap but it hurt but there was no good reason for that. He thought it was funny and I would get very hard slaps on the legs it hurt so much. I thought what the hell am I doing. He then snapped at me because of a debate we had over a subject. He didnt like ever being wrong. I googled it and sure enough I was right so he got the hump and finished with me. Lol how pathetic and good ridance I say. And I can't wait to find a real man who compliments me, and treats me like I'm special. I'm so done with this now!

    Louise - 25/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Louise

      Thank you for your post and sharing some of what has happened to you with others. It sounds like a terrible situation and its is an enormous relief to hear that you and your son are now safe and out of this relationship. It is difficult enough to parent a child with additional needs without trying to manage an abusive relationship as well.This must have all been very confusing for your son but I am sure that now he is safe and with you free from the ridicule and criticism that things will improve.

      If you feel you might need some support to recover from this experience please call the National helpline on 0808 2000 247 as they can advise you about local services in your area.

      I hope things keep on improving for your both in the future

      Take care

      Linda

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Lucy

    25/01/2014

    Well, I was talking to this lad and we'd been talking for ages and when it got to about four months of talking we decided to swap pictures, he said if I sent one he'd send me one so me being the idiot I am, I sent him one over Facebook. Little did I know he had a girlfriend at the moment of me sending the picture, his girlfriend was on his account. She saved the photo of me and then posted the photo on Facebook, tagged me in it so all of my friends and all if her friends could see it. A load of people shared the photo and I've heard that a few people have saved the photo personally as well. She did remove the photo but it was to late, I see the photo like twice a week, from people reposting it:/! I get called a slag and a slut all the time at school, got to the point where I don't wanna be here anymore. Feels like I've ruined my life, anyone got any advice?

    Lucy - 25/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lucy,

      This sounds like a really awful situation. Although what has happened is illegal, you cannot circulate someone else's pictures without their permission, as it is technically your property, it is really difficult now lots of other people have the photo.

      I think it would be really helpful to talk through your options on the number below, or come back and talk to us on Live Chat on this site Monday-Friday 5pm-7pm.

      If you would like to talk to someone about it then you can call the NSPCC's helpline on 0808 800 5000 to speak to one of our trained counsellors.Or I can suggest you call ChildLine, in confidence on 0800 1111.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 27/01/2014

  • Jordan

    24/01/2014

    I've been with my boyfriend for 5 minths now, at first things started great. Since my boyfriend has been diagnosed wiv a number of mental health problems. He both abuses me physically ans mentally, he does and says everyhing the advert said. I always find my self having bruises and have even got a couple scars, i never go out anymre and spend most days wiv him, i don't have much friends either and r not allowed around males. I want to help him through this bad time in his life but i can't take this much mre. Jordan

    Jordan - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Jordan

      Thanks for your message. It sounds like you are having a very difficult time in this relationship and your partners behaviour must be very distressing for you. It also sounds like you have been hurt quite seriously and whilst I can hear how committed you are to helping him as he has mental health problems it is still important to remember that the abuse towards you is unacceptable.

      It is ultimately your partners responsibility to seek some help to assist him in changing his abusive behaviour. He could contact the Charity Respect on 0808 802 404 to seek some help with this. I am concerned that you are stating that you do not feel you can take any more - have you managed to talk to anyone about the abuse in the relationship? It is important that you seek some support for yourself and consider how safe it is to remain in this relationship. The National domestic violence helpline on 0808 2000 247 can discuss options with you as well as advise you about any local support services in your area. Alternatively, we run live chat sessions Mon- Fri 5 -7 and you are welcome to talk to one of us. Talking to someone about the abuse probably seem quite a frightening idea but I would encourage you to do this so you no longer have to try and manage this alone

      Take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Jess

    24/01/2014

    My friend is 13 and she is starting a relationship with this boy but the boy has been asking for inappropriate pictures. I've never known for her to any thing that would effect her reputation as she is very clever and looks to the future but then out of the blue she sent him a pic of her stomach. This is not like her and I'm scared she will send more. What should I do as if I tell her that she shouldn't do it, it makes her want to do it even more? (Its happed before) but if I don't say anything it might get worse. What should I do?

    Jess - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Jess,

      Thank you for your message. I can hear that you are a caring person who has the best interest of their friend at heart. That’s great, as she needs people around her that will be supportive and not judge her. Which sounds exactly what you are doing.

      It seems that you have been able to talk to her this topic before. If it comes up again you can let her know that you are there for her and that you are worried about the consequences for her if she is pressured in to sending this person pictures. You might want to have a look at this website

      http://www.childline.org.uk/explore/onlinesafety/pages/sexting.aspx

      If you are worried you could perhaps discuss your fears with a parent, teacher or trusted adult. It’s a lot for you to deal with without support.

      When we care about someone we can want him or her to end an relationship we see as abusive quickly, as we don’t like to see him or her hurt. However ending it is something only your friend can do in her own time. I know that’s really hard when we see they are in danger of being hurt.

      You have let her know that you are there for her and that there are places like this website and the one above she can contact. It is important that she has people to turn to that she can trust, and you are one of those people.

      We also have a live chat weeknights 5-7 if she or you need some more support.

      Take care Jess

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Lauren

    24/01/2014

    I'm Lauren.
    I been in a relationship for 2 years and for the first 3 month it was all fine but then we ended up having an argument and then after that we just ended having them every other day. I got raped when I was younger and got herpes, and when we were having an argument me and my boyfriend he called me a herpes victim and said I deserved everything I got, every time we have an argument now he says cruel and disgusting things like that, he has only ever physically hit me once but he said it was by an accident but then he stole all my birthday money I got of family and refused to give it back. We broke up after that but then we got back together, every time we argue now he threatens me. It's hard situation for me because I'm pregnant.

    Lauren - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lauren,

      Thank you for your message. You are in a very difficult situation and I can hear how distressing this is for you. Your boyfriend is behaving in a way that is extremely abusive and I’m concerned to hear that you are pregnant and having to cope with this. You have been very strong to reach out, what is happening is not ok and you don’t have to cope alone, you deserve some support.

      There are lots of things you write in your message that are concerning Lauren. The fact that you are pregnant and he is threatening you is worrying. Domestic abuse often gets worse during pregnancy and after a baby is born. Is this something you have seen in your own relationship? If so you can talk to your midwife or health visitor about this. They will be trained to be on the look out for this pattern of behaviour. If you are under stress it is not good for you or the baby. And if you think there is a risk to you both once the child is born this is something you need to think about now.

      You have been raped before, that’s a difficult and painful thing to happen and your partner is using it as a way to abuse you further. To bring up such a traumatic event to hurt you is very abusive. I’m jus wondering if you have had any support for the rape? If not you can call Rape Crisis, they are an organisation who specialise in working with women and girls who have suffered sexual violence. They can talk with you in a confidential and non-judgemental setting. You can reach them on 0808 802 (12 –2.30 & 7 – 9.30 everyday)

      You do not deserve to be treated the way you are being. Your partner is being abusive and this is not your fault. Do you have anyone you could talk to about this, friends, family or someone else in your life? If you don’t feel able to talk to anyone you know I would encourage you to call the 24 -hour domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247. You can speak to them about how you are feeling and what options you could take. You might also want to look on this website for more information about domestic abuse in relationships.
      www.womensaid.org.uk

      You can also come to our live chat if you want to which we run every Mon- Fri from 5-7pm to talk more.

      Take care,
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • caz

    24/01/2014

    i thought i was in a safe relationship, until i was pressured into sending sexual pictures. now i dont want anything to do with him but he keeps blackmailing me with the picture to send him more or to meet up with him. he said he is going to upload my picture on facebook if i dont. my message to those girls out there who are being forced to send a picture for the first time... DON'T DO IT, TELL SOMEONE STRAIGHT AWAY! i'm now stuck with him blackmailing me for the rest of my life and i don't know how i can get rid of the picture :(

    caz - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • is there any help for over 16's ?

      caz - 27/01/2014

    • Hi Caz
      Thank you for getting in touch. I am really glad you did. You do not have to put up with him blackmailing you - there is support for you.

      There is some really good advice on these sites:
      http://www.childline.org.uk/explore/onlinesafety/pages/sexting.aspx
      http://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/11_16/control/sexting/

      You can call ChildLine and talk to someone in confidence on 0800 1111 about this. You can also make a report to CEOP (on the second link). What he is doing is abusive and against the law and there is lots of support and protection for you. They can also help with getting the picture taken down.

      You are right to say that telling someone straight away is the best idea, but it is not too late to tell someone now, you do not have to cope with this alone.

      I hope this helps Caz,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 25/01/2014

  • Ambz

    24/01/2014

    I've seen the advert and I'm honestly worried that I'm like that towards my boyfriend. I get annoyed with his friends. I call him names, I can't believe it. I need help? Could someone please advise how I can snap out of it.

    Ambz - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Ambz,

      Thank you for your message. It takes a lot of strength to realise that we are acting in a way that is abusive and to admit to that. You have made the first step towards changing your behaviour by posting here today.

      The way you are acting is not ok and you know that. Have you spoken to your boyfriend about it? You need to commit to change and there are organisations out there that can help. The respect phone line works with people who are being abusive. You can call them and have a chat about the way you are acting they are the Respect phone line (0808 802 40 40. They are open Monday to Friday 9-5)

      I have also attached a pdf on jealousy you might want to look at.

      http://www.respect.uk.net/data/files/managing_jealousy_leaflet.pdf

      We also have live chat 5-7 weeknights if you would like to talk about this a bit more.

      Take care,
      Becca


      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Robyne

    24/01/2014

    never realised till know that i have been in abusive relationship, physically, mentally and emotionally, i always got its my fault and accused of cheating when am at a course but recently i had been beaten up after finding out i was pregnant, gladly the police have been involved and i knew that was the last straw and i had to get out of there as soon as possible, unfortunately now i have nothing no house and no money, am scared and just feel like bottling it all up is the best thing right now x

    Robyne - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Robyne,

      Thank you for sharing your story. I can hear what a terrifying ordeal you have been through and I’m pleased that you are not bottling it up and writing about what has happened here. You have been so strong and brave to get out of the relationship and you deserve some support.

      You are now in a situation where you are without a home and have no money – that’s really hard for you and I’m not sure of you are still pregnant or not. If you are or if you are not there are resources out there to help you. Have you spoken to any domestic abuse support services? The best place to find out what help you can get (practical and emotionally) is to call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247. You don’t have to cope on your own. There is also some advice below you may want to look at.

      http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100320005

      The more people you age supporting you right now the easier it will be for you to decide what to do next. You have dome the hardest thing, which is leave the relationship. You now have to go ahead with your life, but you don’t have to do it alone.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Tasha

    24/01/2014

    It feels nice knowing this has become a bit more recognised, especially as celebrities are saying it, people are more likely to listen and recognise abuse, i was sexually abused by my boyfriend until i managed to get out of it and i was afraid no one would believe me because he was my boyfriend, i hope everyone believes in themselves and manages to get out of these kind of situations...

    Tasha - 24/01/2014

    Reply
  • Jennifer

    24/01/2014

    My friend is being abused. After watching the Hollyoaks advert I went onto this website and read the "read the signs" part. 4 out of 6 relate to her life with him. We are worried about her because they're both young and yet everytime they see each other they have sex because HE wants to. We have tried to open her eyes and I've even given her a link of this website. She insists she "doesn't see it". Last weekend I'd had enough because he started arguing with her in the middle of KFC. I and another friend told him to leave with her to sort things but he snapped back telling us to but out. Even worse, he threatened another friend of mine and hers that he'd beat her if she didn't but out. He also calls her hurtful names and threatens to leave her because he's jealous that she spends time with us. Help.

    Jennifer - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Jennifer,

      Thank you for your message. I can hear that you are a caring person who has the best interest of their friend at heart. That’s great, as she needs people around her that will be supportive and not judge her. Which sounds exactly what you are doing.

      It seems that you have been able to talk to her about his behaviour in the past. If it comes up again you can let her know that you are there for her and that the way he is treating her isn’t normal. I don’t know from your message how old you are, but if you are worried you could perhaps discuss your fears with a parent, teacher or trusted adult. It’s a lot for you to deal with without support. Also if he is threatening to beat up one of your friends this might be something that they could talk about with someone in authority, that’s not ok and is against the law.

      When we care about someone we can want him or her to end an abusive relationship quickly, as we don’t like to see him or her hurt. However ending it is something only your friend can do in her own time. I know that’s really hard when we see they are in danger of being hurt.
      You have let her know that you are there for her and that there are places like this website and the domestic abuse helpline she can contact (0808 2000 247) It is important that she has people to turn to that she can trust, and you are one of those people.

      Take care Jennifer

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Ursula

    24/01/2014

    This is really good that emotional abuse is being hi-lighted aswel, because it is probably just as common and most of all, people think that it only goes hand in hand with physical abuse...it doesn't! I have recently come out of a relationship where he was emotionally abusive. I am still struggling to realise it wasn't my fault now and its been 4 months.
    One feedback I would like to give about the adverts though, is that there needs to be some kind of emphasis on how subtle the signs are... The ad seems to make it look obvious. Many mutual friends me and my ex have still are oblivious to what went on and almost don't seem to want to know! Because unlike with physical abuse, there is hardly anything to show for ' physically ' .

    Ursula - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Ursula,

      Thank you for your message and the feedback. You went through something really horrible with your ex and I can hear that you are feeling effected by the abuse. Emotional abuse can leave a person feeling unsure about themselves and the reasons for the abuse. What happened though was not your fault, it was the fault of the person who chose to abuse you.

      You say mutual friends do not understand what happened, that’s really hard for you, as you need some validation for what you experienced and someone to talk to. You might want to have look on this website for some support in your local area www.womensaid.org.uk or you can call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Carys

    23/01/2014

    Hey,
    so this is very hard for me to say but hearing your advert on spotify made me realise that I need to tell someone. I'm 16 years old and last year (I was 15) I was cheated on by my ex, he was my first love and I felt like nobody would ever really like me. Early June 2013 I was on Facebook and a boy come up in my suggested friends list, I added him thinking nothing of it. He then contacted me, just being friendly but then he started being very flirty with me and honestly he made me feel loved. This went on for a few weeks. I stupidly asked him out but had no intention of ever meeting him or making it anything serious but I did really like him and cared about him. He lives in Ireland and turned 18 the day I asked him out. For a few months it was just talking but on the odd occasion he would ask for a picture of me to see what I was wearing. But that led to him wanting more revealing images. I would be honest with him and say it made me feel uncomfortable and I didn't want too but he would guilt me into it saying things like "but I'm your boyfriend, don't you trust me? I'd never hurt you." I didn't know what to do anymore so would take a picture. But they got worse from a little revealing to nude. I was scared and I didn't know where my head was. He then was away for a few months and I honestly forgot about him. He messaged me before Christmas and again after Christmas. I was scared off him, worried now as to what I had stupidly done. He asked for another picture of me as I looked a little different now and I finally said no and didn't take one. I panicked so blocked him on Facebook. This made him angry and he was trying to get hold of me. About 2 weeks after I blocked him. He messaged my school friend to get me to unblock him and talk (this was the 9th of this month) I added him and explained why I blocked him. I don't him that I hated myself for taking the pictures and how scared I was and wanted him to get rid of them. I also told him that I didn't want to be with him anymore. He told me that when he realised I'd blocked him that he hated me and wanted to hurt me. I managed to get him to delete the pictures and to send me video evidence, which he did but then said I have to make it up to him now and take my top off over webcam. I don't know why, I was still scared and in a state of shock that I did what he asked. After that he kept messaging me and I would ignore them as I was scared he would ask for something else and I wasn't 100% sure he had completely got rid of my pictures. He had my school mate as a friend and I told her to stay away from him and block him but she wanted to know why, after explaining, she hated me. She told my friends and I lost a few of them their trust and she continued to talk to him. I don't know what she had said to him but after not talking to him he got mad and said things like "iv heard from people you have sent pictures to more that me but 10 others aswell" which is a lie and I told him the truth. He then told me that he had my pictures still backed up on his computer and said "I think I'll keep those, not sure yet..." (This was a week ago) I was now terrified, I didn't know what to do and I'm too scared of telling them, iv already disappointed them before with a similar insident with my ex who is a boy at my school, because my teacher saw me upset I told my school and they sorted that problem but my parents felt very betrayed of me. This was happening at the same time as the insident I am asking for advise on. So yes I'm terrified of telling anyone. I now have no friends and I hate myself so much now to the point iv thought of self harming. I havnt blocked him as I'm afraid of what he will do, I don't know if he's saying he still has pictures to just scare me or he is being serious. I know this can't go on but I don't know how I can do anything if I'm so afraid. He messaged me again yesterday morning asking if I was gonna talk to him or not, I just ignored it.


    I feel so stupid and I pretty much cried all the way through typing this. Thank you for reading and I hope that you can help me in some way, any advise. Also if your reading and have been in a similar situation, my heart goes out to you, I know how bad you feel.

    Thank you for your time.
    - Carys x

    Carys - 23/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Carys
      I am really glad you got in touch, what has been happening to you sounds really scary and I am not surprised to hear how upset you are. This boy has been very abusive and has taken advantage of you. I understand that you are worried about telling people, but really that is the only way to get this to stop.
      There is some really good advice on these sites:
      http://www.childline.org.uk/explore/onlinesafety/pages/sexting.aspx
      http://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/11_16/control/sexting/

      You can call ChildLine and talk to someone in confidence on 0800 1111 about this.

      This boy pressured you into taking these images, please do not blame yourself. he is the one responsible. In fact, as you are under 18 what he did is also illegal.

      It's good that you have been able to talk to someone at school about the other incident, I know you feel that you don't want to now tell them about this but it is important to get some support. You do not have to go through this alone. As you are 16 now they may not tell your parents, but they may have to tell the safeguarding lead in the school. This is honestly the best way to get help and make this stop. I think it will also be good for you to talk to childline on the number above as they talk to lots of other people who have been through similar things, so will know how to help you.

      I am also concerned that you have thought of self-harming, you can also talk to childline about this - please do, as you really need some support in finding other ways to cope.

      You have been really brave,
      I hope this helps
      Take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 25/01/2014

  • Nicole

    23/01/2014

    I have been in a realationship for nearlly 4 years. And om not 100% if its a abusive relationship so I geuss I just want answers. Everyrhing at first was great, but recently ive noticed a diffrence in my partner, hes been like hes not botherd about the relationship anymore, we havent been out somewhere nice in ages, he always thinks about money by saying things are to expensive and we keep arguing constantly, and whenever he gets anrgy he calls me horrible names. Im really fed upi geuss I finally seen his true colours. I would just like advise x

    Nicole - 23/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Nicole,

      Thank you for your message, it sounds like you know that the way he is treating you is not right and you have been strong to post here to clarify that.

      If your partner is getting angry and calling you names that sounds abusive. You should not feel scared of your partner, if you do it shows that they are acting in a way that’s not right and damaging to you. You say things have got worse and now you have seen his true colours. Is this something you have been able to talk about this with anyone in your life– friends or family? If you can’t speak to someone you know perhaps you can talk to the national helpline on 0808 2000 247. The more support you have the easier it will be for you to decide what to do next.

      You might want to have a look at this website below for more information.

      http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Lydia

    23/01/2014

    I saw your advert when I was with my boyfriend and what was said is exactly how he is. When it had finished I looked at him and he was smiling and I laughed out of dis- belief but then turned to him and said that it was serious and he just brushed it off. I'm not allowed any social media sites and am not allowed out, I'm also not allowed to go to university. I'm stuck as to what to do because I love him so much just don't want it to get to much. I don't have the courage to finish it as I am close to his family however I'm not happy anymore and don't know where I should go from here. I'm so glad I saw your advert as it has opened my eyes to what's going on although I'm so scared that I'm going to loose him. I can't speak to him because he just argues with me then tells me I have a certain period of time to get my act together else his going :/ please help

    Lydia - 23/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lydia,

      Thank you for your message. I’m pleased that you have felt able to come here after seeing the advert. It takes courage to speak out about abuse and acknowledge that what is happening is not right and its making you unhappy.

      All the things you describe in your message are abuse. Your partner is stopping you living your life and being free. It’s not ok for a person to tell another they are not allowed friends, a social life or an education. It is not his decision to make. You deserve to be treated with love and respect and live your life as you choose. This isn’t the way your partner is treating you and he knows it is wrong but does not want to change.

      You say you can’t speak to him because he gets angry and then blames you, for this and threatens to leave you. This is also a type of abuse, as he makes sure that you dare not even have an opinion of your own. I’m concerned to hear this Lydia as you sound like you are unhappy and feeling trapped. What is happening is not your fault, your partner is behaving in a way that is really wrong and making you feel like it’s your responsibility when it’s not.

      Have you spoken to anyone on your life about this – friends or family? If you can’t speak to someone you know perhaps you can talk to the national helpline on 0808 2000 247. The more support you have the easier it will be for you to decide what to do next. I can hear you love your partner, but the way he is treating you isn’t right and is having a big affect on your life. You might want to have a look at this website below for more information.

      http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/

      We also have a live chat 5-7 weeknights if you would like to talk about this a bit more.

      Take care,
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • caro

    23/01/2014

    I love my partner very much but i have got into trouble because he refused to share a benefits claim so i claimed on my own.he has aspergers and can be dominant but not violent.i cant get anyone to believe me

    caro - 23/01/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Caro,

      Thank you for your message. I can hear that you feel like you don’t have a lot of power in the relationship and you are finding this difficult. Your message is quite brief so I am not sure what you mean by dominant. Does your partner behave in a controlling way, make you feel like you have to do things you are not comfortable with or put your needs second? If this is the case you may want a bit of support.

      You say that people do not believe what is happening, if this is the case you may want to speak to the national helpline on 0808 2000 247. They will be able to listen to what you have to say and will understand the situation and believe you. It will be easier for you to know what to do next if you fell understood.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

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Please read and accept these rules below before commenting. All of the comments you post on this website are treated confidentially and moderated.

Stay safe – don't include any personal information in your comments, such as your surname, email address, street address and phone number.

Don't include the personal details of anyone else in your posts (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers or group leaders).

Don't go off topic - keep your comments relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate. People want their opinions to be heard – don't shout them down.

Don't post crude, racist, offensive, violent or vulgar messages to the site.

Treat everyone with respect – even if someone has a different view to your own, don't let it get personal.

Don't glamorise illegal or dangerous activities, including violence of any kind. It's ok to talk about your experiences but you shouldn't encourage others to do anything illegal or dangerous.

Don't write anything that's untrue about anyone else (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers, group leaders and famous people). Don't write anything that could harm anyone else's reputation.

This isn't a dating site – it's a platform to talk about teenage relationship abuse and your opinions on the matter; don't use it to meet or flirt with other people.

Don't write everything in CAPS – it's the equivalent of shouting and isn't polite or easy for everyone to read.

Don't post entire messages in text speak – it's ok to shorten some words but not everyone understands text speak or finds it easy to read.

It's ok to post links to other websites as long as they're relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate and don't break the house rules in any way.

Don't break copyright rules. This means that you shouldn't post text you didn't write.