This website works best using cookies, which are currently enabled. To find out more about cookies and for information on how to turn them off, click here.
This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

HAVE YOUR SAY

Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships

If you've got something you'd like to talk about regarding any kind of relationship abuse, come and Have Your Say on our message board.

Have a read through the discussion boards, the chances are you'll be able to talk with someone who's gone through similar experiences to your own.

Seen the ads? What do you think?

TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS

If you've got something to say about abuse in relationships then you'll need to accept our terms before you can take part - please see our rules on the right side of the page. You can then enter your comments below or under any video you want to talk about.

  • This is so we can email you to let you know if there's been any replies to your message. Your email address will never be shown or passed on to anyone.
  • I wish to opt out of notification emails

Pages << < 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 > >>

Results: 315 - 330 of 2095

  • Amber

    04/02/2014

    i've been in a relationship i nkow its ended but people bully me even though that its endes i dont know whatt to do i am quite young and dont understand if you know how to sort out these bullies can you tell me.

    Amber - 04/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Amber

      I am sorry to hear that you are being bullied. Is this bullying linked to your relationship?

      Bullying is really hard and no-one should have to go through it, but there is lots of help for you and I am really glad you have come here for support.

      The most important thing when you are being bullied is to tell people. This is the only way it will stop. I know it can be scary but people will be able to help you. Is there someone at school who you feel you can talk to? Perhaps a teacher, or nurse? Or maybe there is someone at home? The school will have a policy on bullying and should be able to help you.

      If you want to talk to a professional you could call childline on 0800 1111 and they can listen and give you some advice.

      You do not have to deal with this on your own. We also have a live chat here every day mon-fri from 5-7pm.

      I hope this helps
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 06/02/2014

  • Zoe

    04/02/2014

    i left my ex partner after he was constantly shouting, through a laptop at me and my son (he was 3 weeks old at the time) and using my previous abuse against me, we had a child together and now hes using our son as a weapon saying that i should be in a mental insituaction, hes going to get socail services involded as i use to self harm, just constantly putting me down, using the previous experances against me. he says hes not abused me or caused me any harm yet he caused me to have a mental breakdown and start self harming again as i felt trapped by him, is this abuse or am i being silly and pathetic as he says?

    Zoe - 04/02/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Zoe,

      Thank you for your message. You’ve have experiences serious abuse in your relationship and you are experiencing abuse now. Throwing a laptop and you and a new born is very dangerous. You are not silly and pathetic. You have been realty strong to leave the relationship and keep yourself and your son safe. You do not have to cope on your own with all this, there is support out there.

      What happened to you, and is still happening to you is abuse and is against the law. Your ex is choosing to act in the way that he is. The way he behaves is not your fault, you are not to blame for the abuse you have suffered. I can hear that you are under a lot of pressure and you say you have been self-harming, is this something you feel you could discuss with a GP? Domestic abuse can put a huge strain on a person and your GP might be a person you could talk about this with and the effect it’s having on you.

      Have you discussed what is happening with anyone, family, friends or anyone else in your life? If you don’t feel you can talk about it with anyone you know you can call the 24 hour domestic violence helpline - you can reach them on 0800 2000 247. You can discuss with them your feelings and get advice that can help you decide what to do next. You can also look on this website www.womensaid.org.uk for support in your area.
      Your partner is using your son as a further means to abuse you. There are organisations that can give you advice about this. I have put the links below.

      http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/index.php?page=free_legal_advice
      http://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/

      We have a live chat from 5-7 on the site and you can speak to someone if you feel you like to discuss this more.

      Take care,
      Becca





      This is Abuse team 06/02/2014

  • Meliax

    04/02/2014

    This happened over a year ago now, but i am only now realising how i should have never been put in this situation. I had had 'phone sex' with a guy once and i then knew i was in the wrong and explained that i didn't think it was a good idea again, he then threatened to tell everyone if i didn't do it again. He kept this up for over a month untill i realised that i couldn't get out of it and decided to just let him spread it. Even though i now know i shouldn't do sexual things with someone who i do not completely trust, he was in the wrong and these things shouldn't ever happen.

    Meliax - 04/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Meliax,

      Thank you for your message and sharing your story with people reading the site. You went through something horrible and you had to deal with that alone. It sounds like you have been really strong to get out of the situation and you know that you did not do anything wrong and it was the responsibility of the person who was blackmailing you in to doing things you did not want to. That’s great and I the comment you have left will help other people reading the site.

      Have you had any support for what you went through? If you have not had anyone to talk to I would encourage you to call Rape Crisis. They are confidential helpline and who work with women and girls who have experienced sexual violence. They will be able to talk with you about your experience and how this may be affecting you. You can reach them on 0808 802 9999 (12-2.30pm, 7-9:30pm).
      Take care,
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 06/02/2014

  • Nicola

    04/02/2014

    Hello,
    Ive been in a relationship for just over a year, things were great to start with but just four months in id found out he had been having cyber fun with other women (this hurt) as i thought i was enough for him. As the months have gone Ive been badly beaten one after he drank too much but he claims he doesnt remember therefore in his eyes it didnt happen ':( . Im being checked up on all the time, i cant have male friends anymore because hee flares up at me and them, es constantly sending my nasty texts detailing why im such an awful person and girlfriend and why im so useless, I lost his child a month ago (falling pregnant wasn't planned) and he blames me, so much so i tried to end it all, i just wasnt coping. I aleady have three children and I just fell like my world was falling apart. Dont get me wrong i love this guy heaps but he's making me cry everyday and doesn't care one ounce. Ie lost who I am, I have no confidence no and fear calls and texts im ot sure what to do, i feel such a fool, and all of our ooutside friends just dont see whats happeing, he blames me, my attitude and my clothing or how i talk to people as reasons for his condensing tone, im stuck, feel cowardly but there is literally noone i can talk to about it.

    Nicola - 04/02/2014

    Reply
    • HI Nicola,

      Thank you for your message. I can hear just how much you are going through at the moment and how isolated you are in your situation. It takes a lot of strength to share what is happening and ask for support. You have done that here, you don’t have to cope with this alone.

      You mention a lot of things in your message that are really concerning Nicola. Your partner is being extremely abusive, both emotionally and physically and trying to make you feel like it is your fault. What is happening is not your fault, your partner is choosing to act in the way that he does. There is nothing you could do to deserve be treated the way you are.

      You have gone through the trauma of losing a pregnancy and then being blamed for this. You say you have attempted to end your life within the last month. Have you spoken to anyone about this – you are obviously suffering a great deal if you have made this attempt and you deserve some support. This might be something to discuss with your GP. It sounds like you are not very safe in your relationship and I’m wondering how this is impacting on your health and your children? You cannot cope with all of this alone, you are not a coward, you are having to be very strong in a terrible situation.

      Have you discussed what is happening with anyone, family, friends or anyone else in your life? If you don’t feel you can talk about it with anyone you know you can call the 24 hour domestic violence helpline - you can reach them on 0800 2000 247. You can discuss with them your feelings and get advice that can help you decide what to do next. You can also look on this website www.womensaid.org.uk for support in your area. If you feel you are in danger at any point you can call 999, as what is happening to you is a crime.

      You say you love your partner a great deal, but from what you write here it does not sound like he cares about you in the same way. He has beaten you, destroyed your confidence and made you feel unable to have friends as well as blaming you for the loss of a pregnancy. You deserve to be treated with love and respect in a relationship, and from what you write it sounds like you are not receiving this. There is support out there for you and places you can discuss this in confidence with people who understand what you are going through. You deserve that support.

      We have a live chat from 5-7 on the site and you can speak to someone if you feel you like to discuss this more.
      Take care,
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 06/02/2014

  • Rhi

    04/02/2014

    I was in a relationship from the age of 15 until 17 with the same person,although there wasnt any physical abuse of any kind i always felt that i was being controlled emotionally. He would say some horrible things then make me believe it was true, which eventually built up to me having very low self esteem and confidence. Im 18 now and i still suffer from these,they dont only effect my personal relationship they effect my whole life as i dont have the confidence or belief in my self to do simple things anymore,it makes my worklife very hard and trusting people is a challenge as i fear the same will happen again,I think there needs to be more support for young teens about emotional abuse,talking from my own experience theres more general knowledge about physical abuse than emotional,there seemed to not really be any focus on this side of things and I hope that through all this research and time put in will produce better support for all kinds of abuse.

    Rhi - 04/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Rhi

      Thank you for your message.I can hear how much of a struggle this all still is for you and yes you are right the emotional effects of abuse can run deep and be long lasting. I am wondering what help if any you have been able to find to help you deal with this.Have you managed to talk to anyone about what went on? This can be terribly hard to do when your confidence is low but its an important step towards a recovery as it helps break down the isolation that abuse creates.

      If you were able to call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247 they would be able to tell you about local services in your area that could help.Some of these might be group programmes or some could be individual sessions but both would give you a chance to think through your experience and try and move forward. Your GP would also be another option to consider as they can also refer to some specialised services.

      We also run Live chat sessions Mon - Fri 5-7 if it would help to chat to one of us. I hope that helps as a staring point

      Take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 05/02/2014

  • anonymous

    04/02/2014

    I am a lesbian and have been with my partner for 3 years. We are getting married in the Summer. My question is slightly different.

    My partner has never physically or sexually abused me in any way shape or form. However I have noticed some warning signs and I don't know at what point it should be concerning me.

    My partner witnessed her Father brutally assaulting her Mother throughout her childhood. I have started to notice similar traits in her to her Dad. It's things like getting in childish moods when she doesn't get her own way, extreme road rage, getting very angry over trivial things, having insecurities about me cheating or leaving. She is concerned too. She hates the way she behaves at times and cries a lot when she snaps out of it.

    I am incredibly tolerant and strong willed fortunately and can honestly say at this stage I have never felt threatened, just irritated and stressed out by her irrational behaviour. She is gentle, kind and compassionate the majority of the time. I am struggling to tell if these issues relate to her mental health and her childhood experience, or if these are the warning signs that something is wrong.

    Either way what can I do? I want to help her as well as myself. We are able to discuss these matters calmly and do quite often, it hurts her more so than it does me I think. She wants help. Do you think if you catch these things early enough with good communication they can be put to rest before it really starts?

    anonymous - 04/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Anonymous,

      Thank you for your message, I can hear that you are concerned about your partner and concerned about the potential for things in your relationship to become abusive. It’s good that you have felt strong enough to come here and share your concerns.

      It sounds like your partner is showing some emotionally abusive behaviours towards you, and she is aware of the impact that this could have on your relationship. It sounds like you are both able to discuss this and that’s great. If your partner wants to stop behaving the way she is there is a good chance that with the right support she will. It sounds like she has witnessed a lot of abuse as well as perpetrating it but this does not mean that her behaviour is ok.

      There are services available if she wants to address anger and controlling behaviour, and she can find these by contacting the Respect Phoneline on 0808 802 4040. But my main concern is for you. Do you have anyone in your life you can discuss this with, such as friends or family? If not and you feel that you would like to talk to someone further around this then you can contact Broken Rainbow, who are an LGBT domestic abuse helpline, on 0300 999 5428. They are open Monday to Friday 10am - 8pm Monday, 10am - 5pm Tuesday , 10am - 5pm Wednesday, 10am - 8pm Thursday.
      Take care,
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 06/02/2014

  • Charlie Newton

    04/02/2014

    Relationship abuse shall not be accepted in todays society. And if you are being abused get out of it srtraight away dont be scared your the victim. Speak to a parent/carrer or a help service for advice and help. :D Hope this helps:p

    Charlie Newton - 04/02/2014

    Reply
  • matt

    04/02/2014

    I was a (male) victim of abuse by my wife. It started out as verbal, mental and financial abuse and after I had a nervous break down, physical abuse. She divorced me after I left home with only the clothes I stood in. I couldnt fully cope with the divorce as it brought back flashbacks of the horror of living with her and so in an act of savage injustice the kangaroo divorce court awarded everything I owned to my abuser and left me homeless and destitute.

    matt - 04/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Matt,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like you have had a really difficult time, and I want you to know that there are services out there that can help you. You might benefit from contacting the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327, a national helpline for men who have experienced domestic abuse. They may also be able to put you in contact with local services that can offer you ongoing support.

      It's really unusual that your partner was given everything by the Court, as assets are normally split 50/50 if the relationship has been longer than 2 years. It may be worth going back to get some more legal advice around this. It may be worth looking to see if there is a Law Centre which offers free legal advice in your area to see if this can be challenged.

      However, my main concern at the moment is that you are getting some emotional support. It may also be worth talking to your GP as you are entitled to 6 sessions of counselling on the NHS which may help you begin to tackle some of these issues.

      I hope this helps! Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 05/02/2014

  • Sarah Jane

    04/02/2014

    I am in an emotionally abusive relationship. Cannot believe I left one which was left than perfect but where I felt safe and walked in to this. He is charming and lovely lots but has outbursts where he says he doesn't want to be with me, says I don't need to see my single friends anymore, gets annoyed when I don't want sex, gets cross if I don't wear flat shoes. I'm always second guessing myself and doing things to please him rather than things I actually want to do. He is going to therapy and had glimpses if recovery which kept me in but then of course something will happen. That look. The quiet. When I told him how I felt the other day in a really loving way he thought that what I said was disgusting and disappointing in such a way it broke my heart. I know this isn't love. We kind of work together and the people that look after me in the company all work for him so afraid as leaving work will have a potential impact in my career. But
    At the stage where I don't care and just want my freedom. I'm too scared to tell him and
    I am not good with confrontations at all anyway. Would a letter be best? I REALLY news your help. I am crying all the time. I'm very successful and smart usually. Please please help. X

    Sarah Jane - 04/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Sarah Jane,

      It can be really tough when we know the best thing to do is to end a relationship, especially when it is intertwined with career and such like. But I think you know that it is best for you to end the relationship, because like you said, he is still not changing his behaviour even though he has accessed therapy.

      He couldn't fire you, and if he did then you could take him to an employment tribunal for unfair dismissal.

      However, I think the most important thing here is that you look after yourself, and your emotional wellbeing. It is clear that he is being abusive, and does't want to address his behaviour, and in that case then you have to remove yourself from the situation to stay safe.

      It might be helpful to get in touch with your local domestic abuse service, they will offer you support around the emotional abuse that has taken place and may be able to offer ongoing support for you. You can find them on Google or by contacting the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 05/02/2014

  • Dee

    04/02/2014

    I've bin on and off with my ex for nearly a year now. We split up around last June and since then acted like a couple but he never actually wanted get back together with me. All my family and friends hate him and he's never made an effort come mine. Its always me going to see him. And if i dont then he calls me a slag and slut and sais i obvisoly have better things to do. Sais if i dont buy him things he will go out and meet other girls. Then sometimes when I am with him he will be really nice to me one minute saying he loves me. And the next just go all funny with me and say i make him sick and to get out of his house. He's blocked me off all social netwoking sites and only speaks to me through text. And Ive found out he has bin meeting other girls. He constantly brings me down and be-littles me. Ive recently found out i'm pregnant and he's saying its not his and accusing me off sleeping round. Its like i cant do anything right! I love him to bits but I just cant cope anymore

    Please help :(

    Dee - 04/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Dee,

      It sounds like a really horrible situation. I don't think anyone deserves to be treated the way he is treating you. It is not kind, and it is certainly not loving. It seems that you are giving him far more respect than he is giving you.

      It's very clear that this is an unhappy relationship, and you are putting in far more than your partner, but it is your choice what you would like to do next. It seems like your family really dislike him, it might be worth finding out why that is.

      It is at times like this that you need support from those closest to you, especially with a baby on the way, so talk to your friends and family about what has been going on.

      It might be helpful for you to talk to us a little bit more about what has been happening for you. We are running live chat sessions Monday to Friday 5pm until 7pm on the website.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 05/02/2014

  • chloe

    03/02/2014

    I have been in a relationship for over a year now but the emotional abuse has only been going on for a few months. He admits he has an anger problem and always says he is going to change. I love him but my self esteem and confidence because of the name calling, criticism and screaming at me almost every day is non existent, and yes he has hit me but only twice. I cry every day and now sorry just isnt good enough, I love him to death well the old him what can I do to help me and to stop him

    chloe - 03/02/2014

    Reply
    • I know exactly how you are feeling, the same is happening to me at the moment, we need to stick together, if you are scared of him you need to leave. I know its easy for me to say that but I have to do the sane thing, we think we love them but this isn't love. Its disrespectful and degrading, we can all do much better than a partner that hurts you, hope you get the support.

      Daisy x

      daisy - 05/02/2014

    • Hello Chloe,

      Thank you for getting in touch.
      It sounds as though your having a difficult time at the moment. You are in an abusive relationship where your partner is verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. I know that you said that he only hit you twice but no one has the right to hit anyone, not even once.
      It seems unlikely that he will change his behaviour as you said he keeps promising to change but never does.
      Have you told anyone about what is happening? A friend, family member or someone you can trust?

      You could contact www.womensaid.org.uk or call them on their Freephone number 0808 2000 247.

      We also have live chat sessions Mon-Fri, 5-7pm if you wanted to chat.

      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 04/02/2014

  • hayley

    03/02/2014

    Im a girl who was in an abusive relationship with a very violent and controlling man but I didnt realise til I was out of it.. I was beaten, told what to wear, where abouts I could and couldn't go, even stalked when I was out with friends. My family and friends try to warn me but I couldn't see it and just ignored them. Im so glad im not in that relationship anymore because It would not just be me suffering it would be my 4 month old son aswell..people dont notice how abuse can effect children. But I joined a group called the freedom project, this is a room of woman going through the same as you, you discuss signs of abuse and what category he is in ie( sexual controller, pursuader etc) I recommend people going through situation like this to look for this freedom project it helped me and everything is confidential :) hope I helped someone x

    hayley - 03/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Hayley

      Thanks for getting in touch and sharing a bit about your experience. Its a relief to hear that you and your child are safe now and i am sure many people will appreciate your advice about seeking help and the fact that there are programmes designed to support victims of abuse in recovering from the experience.

      I hope that life continues to keep improving for you

      Take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 05/02/2014

  • anon

    03/02/2014

    Hi I think I'm being abused but I'm not sure and I don't know what to do about it. Ive been with my bf for 7 years, I'm 26 years old and we have a daughter together. It started before our daughter was born, we were living together and he started sexually touching me in my sleep. I kept telling him I didn't like it but he carried on anyway but not as often. I started to hate having sex. We ended up losing our jobs and moved back in with our parents. I found out I was pregnant. Everything was great then, until I had my child. He started shouting at me a lot and started touching me again. Since my child has been born I've not had sex as I don't want it anymore, I don't even like talking about it. My bf says Im being horrible and unfair. Ive told him if he doesn't like it he can go find someone else (I try to give as good as I get with him) but he gets really annoyed and starts calling me names, telling me I'm a stupid this n that and swears constantly. He does it in fro t of my daughter too, calls me a retard etc.I also told him I was going to leave him once for touching me but he threatened to kill himself. He still tries now but I've become such a light sleeper I'll push him away when were in bed, I don't even let him hug me anymore. I lashed out once when I was annoyed but he punched me back to show me I wasn't being nice. He's punched me in the night 'in his sleep' before but nothing ever any other time. I can't tell anyone as everyone loves him, I get told by his mum 'stay with him as he's a great dad etc' but when were alone anywhere he won't bother with her. If he's going in somewhere and our daughter wants the toilet for example, I have to take her 'because he's got to pay for stuff' (even though its with my money). He spends all his money on himself, games, stuff for his car etc then relies on me to pay for everything else, food, petrol etc. He doesn't like the fact I'm in college but he loves the fact we both work, as it means more money for him to spend. We constantly argue and I'm at my wits end. He's really good at arguing and says a lot of it is my fault, because I won't have sex or because my mums asked him to tidy up, or because my friends mentioned something... Also if I make friends with someone he automatically thinks I'm sleeping with them and has a running joke that I'm a lesbian with one of them, its getting me down because he takes things too far and I hardly see them anymore because of it. I love him and I've been told there's more to live than worrying about little things so I dont bother telling anyone as most people can be like he is and I've looked online and most things I read tell me its my fault for not wanting sex etc. So I haven't got a clue, I just want to know what I'm dealing with or whether I'm going mad because it feels like it. Hope you can help as I'm at my wits end. Thanks

    anon - 03/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Anon,

      Thanks for your message. Firstly I want to reassure you that you are not mad, you are experiencing abuse. It’s great you have felt strong enough to post here. There is support for you to access. You don’t have to cope on your own with what is happening to you.

      You describe a lot of things in your message and all of them sound abusive. Your partner sexually assaulted you while you were sleeping and has continued to do so, despite you telling him that you do not want him too. He is verbally abusing you, has assaulted you, is financially abusing you and is also using threats of suicide to control you. He is also trying to stop your education and isolate you from friends. These are serious things and are against the law. None of these things are your fault, he is choosing to behave in the way that he is.

      I can hear that you have a lot of responsibilities and you are becoming overwhelmed by the abuse happening in your relationship on top of raising your daughter, working and going to college. That’s a lot to cope with on your own. It sounds like you have tried to discuss the situation with your mother in law but have not been supported. Do you know anyone you could talk to about this, friends, family, or someone else in your life? If you don’t feel able to talk to anyone you know I would encourage you to call the 24 -hour domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247. You can speak to them about how you are feeling and what options you could take. You may also want to discuss the sexual assaults you have experienced from your partner. If so you can call Rape Crisis, they are an organisation who specialise in working with women and girls who have suffered sexual violence and trauma. They can talk with you in a confidential and non-judgemental setting. You can reach them on 0808 802 (12 –2.30 & 7 – 9.30 everyday).

      You might also want to look on this website for more information about domestic abuse in relationships.

      www.womensaid.org.uk

      The more support you have the easier it will be for you decide what you would like to do next. You say you are at your wits end, and it’s understandable. You have been in an abusive relationship a long time and have to be careful of your every action. That’s incredibly stressful, if you speak to someone about what is happening then you may be able to get some perspective on what you are dealing with and work out some ways to make the next step towards getting some practical help.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 05/02/2014

  • Amy

    03/02/2014

    I'm 26 and have never in 8 years said or written what I'm about to but I've got to a point in my life that makes me think I need to finally confront this. When I was 17 I started dating this guy in college. I didn't go out with him for a really long time as I didn't really think I liked him that much or want a boyfriend, relationships were never talked about in my family so I didn't know what I wanted. Every time I turned him down a friend or one of his would say how much he liked me and I should just give him a chance. I've never been one for attention or confidence so I gave in and we went out. After one date I decided I couldn't do it and I said to him I didn't think ws should be together. It was so awkward at college the next day because everyone knew we'd been out and he was moping around. I became the bad guy and it didn't do anything for my self esteem so when he asked me to go out again I relented. I know that was stupid and cowardly but I didn't know what to do.
    Anyway I had been raised by roman Catholics so sex never made it into a conversation and I went to a Catholic school so education was limited in that sense. I knew I wasn't ready for sex so said I didn't want it until I was married and he said the same thing. I didn't really understand what I was doing with him but I was too worried to break up with him, every time he could tell I was ready to break things off he'd ask my friends about things to surprise me with so they knew he was doing something nice like buy me flowers, chocolates or cook dinner. He looked like the good guy and I seemed like the cold cow who couldn't love him. Then on Valentinea day he said he loved me when we were at his parents house alone, I didn't know what to say so I let him kiss me and touch me and we went to his room. I dkn't know if I can even call it rape, thats the stupid thing. I didn't want it, he knew my view at the time and I thought he had the same but he got me naked and was over me and I know I didn't struggle but I did say I didn't want to do it. I remember calling my dad to pick me up and checking my knickers at home for blood but there wasn't any so I didn't tell anyone. As the eldest sister I didn't know what to say or who to talk to esspecially with him being so openly smitten at college. After that I tried to find excuses not to be at his house but he'd find ways to make sure I was like inviting my friends over for parties and keeping me behind or waiting for me after school. He'd take my sister's for joy rides in his mums car and not understand why I got angry and he had sex with me whenever we were at his house alone. I never responded to it I just remember lying there and letting him and it was always unprotected, I even thought I'd got pregnant once and told a friend I was scared but my period came the next day and I never said anything again.
    Finally when he lied and said he'd been in a car accident just to get me over to his house I knew I had to end it and I eventually had the courage to dk it. It helped that I had finished my a-levels and was moving 200 miles away to uni. For the first 6 months he'd text asking what I was doing and who I was out with and face book made it easier for him to track me. I changed my number and blocked him and to this day I've never told anyone any of that.
    Ive never never been to a doctor about it because my aunt works at my surgery and I was too embarrassed to say anything, I still feel that way, but when I've been to rhe doctor and they've asked if I've had sex I've said no, that I'm a virgin so when I went for my cervical screening they said I didn't need it. I know how stupid that is but saying what happened so long ago makes me sick but I know I need to say something because I think its seriously affected how I view relationships, in 8 years ive never gone past a first date with someone and I don't know what to do. Why am I still scared to say something that happened so long ago, I don't want to go to the police or anything I just don't know if its worth going to my doctor and telling her about it, she can't tell anyone can she?
    I'm just so confused and worried about confronting my past because maybe he didn't do anything wrong and I don't know what to think or get past it. It plays in my head every day for one reason or another and I'm scared it'll never go away or always hold me back. I'm not even sure what I'm asking for on here. I guess just advice on how to deal with it.

    Amy - 03/02/2014

    Reply
  • lauren

    03/02/2014

    I am 30 years olld I just wanted to kind of write something for the people that are in an abuse relationship, I myself was in a very abusive realtionship. I was with my partner for 12 years and we have an 11 year old child. To begin with things were ok but then not long after having my child things turned for teh wrose, he was very abusive towards me, very jelous and controling he didnt like me seeing my friends or family, and constanly accused me of having an affair ( when i wasnt) he not only used verbal abuse it would be physical from headbutting,punching and strangling me to burning me with a lighter. I was always to scared to leave due to what he would say he would do to me, But eventually one day I woke up and could not take any more, where i went a seekd help at a womens refuge and it was the best thing i done, they helped me through my court case with setting up access so he could still our child, helped to re house me helped me financally, and helped me to gain an injunction against him in court where he cant contact me, I am starting to live my life and it is great, I no longer feel scared and i nothing to do with him, they really are amzing people. I have since met someone new who is amazing and treats me wonderful, My only regret is that i didnt do it sonner for both me and my child, There are people out there who can help. Please dont suffer any more than you have to!

    lauren - 03/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lauren,

      Thank you for getting in touch.
      Your story is reassuring for others to know that there are services available to offer all kinds of support to victims of domestic abuse.
      You say that your only regret was not leaving sooner but you need to remember you did the best you could at that time for you and your child. By sharing your story you can help people who are in similar situations and the fact you have being able to move on to having a healthy relationship gives hope that not all relationships are abusive.

      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 04/02/2014

Pages << < 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 > >>

Results: 315 - 330 of 2095

Terms and conditions of use

Please read and accept these rules below before commenting. All of the comments you post on this website are treated confidentially and moderated.

Stay safe – don't include any personal information in your comments, such as your surname, email address, street address and phone number.

Don't include the personal details of anyone else in your posts (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers or group leaders).

Don't go off topic - keep your comments relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate. People want their opinions to be heard – don't shout them down.

Don't post crude, racist, offensive, violent or vulgar messages to the site.

Treat everyone with respect – even if someone has a different view to your own, don't let it get personal.

Don't glamorise illegal or dangerous activities, including violence of any kind. It's ok to talk about your experiences but you shouldn't encourage others to do anything illegal or dangerous.

Don't write anything that's untrue about anyone else (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers, group leaders and famous people). Don't write anything that could harm anyone else's reputation.

This isn't a dating site – it's a platform to talk about teenage relationship abuse and your opinions on the matter; don't use it to meet or flirt with other people.

Don't write everything in CAPS – it's the equivalent of shouting and isn't polite or easy for everyone to read.

Don't post entire messages in text speak – it's ok to shorten some words but not everyone understands text speak or finds it easy to read.

It's ok to post links to other websites as long as they're relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate and don't break the house rules in any way.

Don't break copyright rules. This means that you shouldn't post text you didn't write.