This website works best using cookies, which are currently enabled. To find out more about cookies and for information on how to turn them off, click here.
This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

HAVE YOUR SAY

Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships or ask a question to one of our trained advisors

If you've got something you'd like to talk about regarding any kind of relationship abuse, come and Have Your Say on our message board. And if you’re worried about anything to do with abuse, whether it’s in your own relationship or a friend’s, you can ask one of our trained experts for advice.

Have a read through the discussion boards, the chances are you'll be able to talk with someone who's gone through similar experiences to your own.

Seen the ads? What do you think?

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape

    [71 comments]

  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical

    [134 comments]

  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?

    [21 comments]

  • Emotional Abuse

    [72 comments]

  • Controlling Behaviour

    [5 comments]

  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP

    [10 comments]

  • Mandem On The Wall

    A trio of friends meet at the place they love to jam - The Wall. Tinie Winie has a new girlfriend and with advice from the Mandem crew learns how to treat her with respect. The trouble is he gets it wrong and ends up becoming someone he doesn't want to be....

    [134 comments]

  • Twist and Pulse

    Twist and Pulse visit George Mitchell school to perform their latest dance routine for the pupils and talk to them to see if they are in the know about relationships.

    [0 comments]

  • Charlie McDonnell

    Watch Charlie McDonnell’s video about Sex, and most importantly, about Consent.

    [0 comments]

  • Bedroom

    Is controlling who a partner sees or speaks to abuse?

    [156 comments]

  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it

    [8 comments]

  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it

    [5 comments]

  • Sam & Alice

    [12 comments]

  • If you could see yourself

    Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.

    [538 comments]

  • Zoe's story

    Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.

    [538 comments]

  • Party

    Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?

    [100 comments]

  • School

    Is bullying, controlling and putting a partner down abuse?

    [79 comments]

  • Takeaway

    Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?

    [169 comments]

TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS

If you've got something to say about abuse in relationships then you'll need to accept our terms before you can take part - please see our rules on the right side of the page. You can then enter your comments below or under any video you want to talk about.

  • This is so we can email you to let you know if there's been any replies to your message. Your email address will never be shown or passed on to anyone.
  • I wish to opt out of notification emails
Experts from Young People’s Services of Respect and AVA are reading and responding to posts on the site, to ensure that responses are independent, sensitive and helpful.

Pages << < 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 > >>

Results: 315 - 330 of 2036

  • Genie

    26/01/2014

    I just want to post this for others to see, rather than advice. I'm 18 and WAS with a man of 20. At first it was great, we were like best friends. Then i discovered his temper. It'd start off as a petty argument which would then turn into him raising his voice, calling me a "f*****g c**t" with his face right in mine. Since he was something around 6'3 and I'm 5'2, it definitely seemed to be for intimidation purposes. Obviously, having never had anyone speak to me like that, in a family where you don'd disrespect, this shocked me and upset me greatly- then he'd shout at me for being upset and call me a "f******g p***y". However, his mother and sister were very argumentative too. All to each other. In car journeys they'd be shouting at each-other and calling one another names. This is why i thought i was the problem. I thought i was either being over sensitive, and crying over nothing if he grabbed me arm really hard or just wasn't used to a family being this way, and when we weren't arguing, it was great. Then eventually, he became more threatening. He'd say staring at me in a tight low voice "Do you want me to f*****g punch you?". He even said to me once with a knife in his hand "You know, i nearly stabbed an ex before because she tried me." I began trying him. Whenever he threatened to hurt me I'd say "Go on then. Do it." I know it may not be the best decision because who's to say he wouldn't of, but that didn't bother me, if it happened it happened, I wasn't going to feel like crap every time we argued. He hated me answering back. Which made me feel great. To see him lose control of me was nice in a way. To see him upset or asking me not to leave was empowering to me. It did even out until he completely changed and went through a 50s phase and found a 50s lady, and I decided not to be with him because I knew he was interested, regardless of him telling me she was too old for him or engaged or married or whatever her situation was. I know a lie when i see one and i always trust my gut. Two weeks later they got together and got pregnant 3 months in. A year later and she's now left him for the same reason after she spoke to me about how he is and lies he told her. I don't hate him for how he was, well, is, it made me stronger and wiser.

    Genie - 26/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Genie,

      Thanks for posting your experiences. It sounds like it was a really difficult time for you. I'm really glad you're out of the abusive relationship.

      I just wanted to highlight that we can still be affected by abuse after we have left the relationship, so if you did want to talk about it then you can contact the national helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 27/01/2014

  • Olivia

    26/01/2014

    I left a message here a few days ago and got an email telling me it had been responded to, I clicked on the link but I can't find my comment anywhere?:/

    Olivia - 26/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Olivia,

      Posted messages appear on the page you were on when you posted them, so for example if you had just watched the MTV video and commented underneath, that is where you will see your post and any comments.

      I hope you find it.

      This is Abuse team 27/01/2014

  • Anon

    26/01/2014

    Relationship abuse is not right. It seems every resource / advert / help is geared towards the female as victim. In my experience they are just as capable, if not more, of abuse. The abuse may not be so apparent and the culture of men is to hide or excuse it in shame. But it exists and, worst of all, a very small minority of women will use this perception against their victim. Please use your resources to further enlighten the abuse men suffer too. A man may be physically stronger, but I've been punched and kicked - never retaliating - and I have been accused of domestic abuse to the police. Please help to reinforce the message that victims are victims, regardless of gender.

    Anon - 26/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi,

      Thanks for getting in contact. We are taking these posts in to consideration for future campaigns.

      I'm sorry to hear that you experienced abuse from your partner, and we acknowledge that many men fall victim to domestic abuse. There are services out there that can offer you advice and support, whether the abuse is taking place now or is historic. The Men's Advice Line runs a helpline, 0808 801 0327, which supports men and if there is a service in your area that offers face to face support they will also be able to give you the details of that.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 27/01/2014

  • Cloe

    26/01/2014

    I was in a relationship for two years and I'd never been happier but then it all went down hill, all we done was argue, he got arrested a lot but then things got worse and he got put on remand but because I loved him I stood by him done everything I could to make him happy it just wasn't good enough... Things just kept getting worse when I'd go he's house and he'd start arguing id just walk away to stop it but he used to lock me in and not let out then he would use emotional blackmail and I wouldn't leave him incase he done something stupid and then it would all be my fault so I stayed with him, he wouldn't let me go out with my friends, he had to know where I was and who I was with all the time an then it got to the point where it wasn't a relationship anymore he just had control over me but yet I still love him:(

    Cloe - 26/01/2014

    Reply
    • HI Cloe,

      Thanks for getting in touch. Love is such a difficult emotion, and like you said when you were first with him everything was amazing, and it can be quite difficult to let go of those good times. But it is also really important to focus on the times he was bullying you. I'm really glad you're no longer in the relationship.

      It sounds like it would be really helpful for you to talk to someone, we are running live chats on the site Monday-Friday 5pm-7pm, or you can call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247. You could also speak to your GP about accessing counselling sessions as you're entitled to 6 on the NHS, or you could get involved with your local domestic abuse service as many run counselling services or group support services.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 27/01/2014

  • Lulu

    25/01/2014

    I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 months now but 2 months ago, he found out i had been talking to another boy at the same time as him and the start of are relationship. Ever since then he has been controlling me. He stopped me having contact with all boys even though a lot of them were just my friends; he doesn't want me to go to parties or any social events without him; he gets jealous very easily and has admitted to me that he wants to be the only person in my life; he checks my phone and backed me into a corner to delete my Facebook and when he allowed me to get a new account, he said i could not accept any friend requests from boys. He always wants to know where i am, who I'm with and what I'm doing and he gets away with all this by making me feel bad about what i did, even though i have apologised so many times and i meant it. He's never hurt me physically and to get me to do what he wants, he says things like "I'd prefer you not to do that" or "I'm comfortable with things the way they are now so can you please not try and change them". Is this normal behaviour? Have i bought this on myself? what should i do? thank you

    Lulu - 25/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Lulu

      Thanks for your message and I can hear both how confused and exhausted you are with what is going on in your relationship. What you are describing is a very controlling and emotionally abusive relationship and this is definitely not normal and nor is it acceptable. Your partner is making demands of you to change your behavior and even when you do that he remains dissatisfied. A healthy relationship would be one built on trust and respect and acceptance for who you are as a person. Have you been able to talk to anyone about what is going on? It is important that you have some support for yourself with all of this.

      Lulu I am not sure how old you are but perhaps look at these two websites for some helpful information - www.respectnotfear.co.uk and www.womensaid.org.uk. You can also call the National helpline for advice about services in your local area on 0808 2000 247 or contact us on our Live chat sessions Mon - Fri - 5 -7 to talk more about this. Please try and remember that this is not your fault but you have a right to be safe and treated with respect.

      If you can try and talk to a close friend or someone you trust so you can get some emotional support for yourself.

      Take care

      Linda

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Ang

    25/01/2014

    I think I might be in a verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive relationship.

    Ang - 25/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Ang

      Thanks for your message. Abuse can be complicated and confusing and it sounds like you are trying to make sense of what is happening in your relationship.

      If you look at the Women's Aid website on www.womensaid.org.uk it will have a lot of information on there that might help as well as a specific section about emotional abuse. You could also call the National helpline on 0808 2000 247 and they will be able to talk through your concerns with you. If you wish to message us back with a bit more detail about what is going on we may be able to help you more

      take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Louise

    25/01/2014

    I've just come out of a year relationship and I have to say had I not seen the clips on Hollyoaks I may never of realised how abusive my boyfriend was. I was completely blind to it. He made me think I was going mad. Ended up on antidepressants because I was so drained and low.
    He would tell me how to dress. Say I looked like I had put my makeup on with a trowel even though I hardly put any on. He would finish with me and then come back days later and then do it all over again. I've lost count of how many times hes ended the relationship. Why I kept taking him back was because I was so weak and thought I needed him. This time I'm not as upset because he started being horrible to my son who has special needs. He would mimic him and ridicule him. And tell him off constantly. He would say hes getting on his nerves and I'd have to take him into another room out of his way.
    He picked fault in every meal I made him, never said thank you. Never lifted a finger expected me to wait on him whilst he sat on his X Box. He was also very abusive and controlling to his Mum which was also draining to watch as she is a lovely lady.
    He would call me names like ......... even though I'm slim and tell me Im gaining weight and need to watch what I eat. Finally last week he hit me so hard on the forehead it was a slap but it hurt but there was no good reason for that. He thought it was funny and I would get very hard slaps on the legs it hurt so much. I thought what the hell am I doing. He then snapped at me because of a debate we had over a subject. He didnt like ever being wrong. I googled it and sure enough I was right so he got the hump and finished with me. Lol how pathetic and good ridance I say. And I can't wait to find a real man who compliments me, and treats me like I'm special. I'm so done with this now!

    Louise - 25/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Louise

      Thank you for your post and sharing some of what has happened to you with others. It sounds like a terrible situation and its is an enormous relief to hear that you and your son are now safe and out of this relationship. It is difficult enough to parent a child with additional needs without trying to manage an abusive relationship as well.This must have all been very confusing for your son but I am sure that now he is safe and with you free from the ridicule and criticism that things will improve.

      If you feel you might need some support to recover from this experience please call the National helpline on 0808 2000 247 as they can advise you about local services in your area.

      I hope things keep on improving for your both in the future

      Take care

      Linda

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Lucy

    25/01/2014

    Well, I was talking to this lad and we'd been talking for ages and when it got to about four months of talking we decided to swap pictures, he said if I sent one he'd send me one so me being the idiot I am, I sent him one over Facebook. Little did I know he had a girlfriend at the moment of me sending the picture, his girlfriend was on his account. She saved the photo of me and then posted the photo on Facebook, tagged me in it so all of my friends and all if her friends could see it. A load of people shared the photo and I've heard that a few people have saved the photo personally as well. She did remove the photo but it was to late, I see the photo like twice a week, from people reposting it:/! I get called a slag and a slut all the time at school, got to the point where I don't wanna be here anymore. Feels like I've ruined my life, anyone got any advice?

    Lucy - 25/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lucy,

      This sounds like a really awful situation. Although what has happened is illegal, you cannot circulate someone else's pictures without their permission, as it is technically your property, it is really difficult now lots of other people have the photo.

      I think it would be really helpful to talk through your options on the number below, or come back and talk to us on Live Chat on this site Monday-Friday 5pm-7pm.

      If you would like to talk to someone about it then you can call the NSPCC's helpline on 0808 800 5000 to speak to one of our trained counsellors.Or I can suggest you call ChildLine, in confidence on 0800 1111.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 27/01/2014

  • Jordan

    24/01/2014

    I've been with my boyfriend for 5 minths now, at first things started great. Since my boyfriend has been diagnosed wiv a number of mental health problems. He both abuses me physically ans mentally, he does and says everyhing the advert said. I always find my self having bruises and have even got a couple scars, i never go out anymre and spend most days wiv him, i don't have much friends either and r not allowed around males. I want to help him through this bad time in his life but i can't take this much mre. Jordan

    Jordan - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Jordan

      Thanks for your message. It sounds like you are having a very difficult time in this relationship and your partners behaviour must be very distressing for you. It also sounds like you have been hurt quite seriously and whilst I can hear how committed you are to helping him as he has mental health problems it is still important to remember that the abuse towards you is unacceptable.

      It is ultimately your partners responsibility to seek some help to assist him in changing his abusive behaviour. He could contact the Charity Respect on 0808 802 404 to seek some help with this. I am concerned that you are stating that you do not feel you can take any more - have you managed to talk to anyone about the abuse in the relationship? It is important that you seek some support for yourself and consider how safe it is to remain in this relationship. The National domestic violence helpline on 0808 2000 247 can discuss options with you as well as advise you about any local support services in your area. Alternatively, we run live chat sessions Mon- Fri 5 -7 and you are welcome to talk to one of us. Talking to someone about the abuse probably seem quite a frightening idea but I would encourage you to do this so you no longer have to try and manage this alone

      Take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Jess

    24/01/2014

    My friend is 13 and she is starting a relationship with this boy but the boy has been asking for inappropriate pictures. I've never known for her to any thing that would effect her reputation as she is very clever and looks to the future but then out of the blue she sent him a pic of her stomach. This is not like her and I'm scared she will send more. What should I do as if I tell her that she shouldn't do it, it makes her want to do it even more? (Its happed before) but if I don't say anything it might get worse. What should I do?

    Jess - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Jess,

      Thank you for your message. I can hear that you are a caring person who has the best interest of their friend at heart. That’s great, as she needs people around her that will be supportive and not judge her. Which sounds exactly what you are doing.

      It seems that you have been able to talk to her this topic before. If it comes up again you can let her know that you are there for her and that you are worried about the consequences for her if she is pressured in to sending this person pictures. You might want to have a look at this website

      http://www.childline.org.uk/explore/onlinesafety/pages/sexting.aspx

      If you are worried you could perhaps discuss your fears with a parent, teacher or trusted adult. It’s a lot for you to deal with without support.

      When we care about someone we can want him or her to end an relationship we see as abusive quickly, as we don’t like to see him or her hurt. However ending it is something only your friend can do in her own time. I know that’s really hard when we see they are in danger of being hurt.

      You have let her know that you are there for her and that there are places like this website and the one above she can contact. It is important that she has people to turn to that she can trust, and you are one of those people.

      We also have a live chat weeknights 5-7 if she or you need some more support.

      Take care Jess

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Lauren

    24/01/2014

    I'm Lauren.
    I been in a relationship for 2 years and for the first 3 month it was all fine but then we ended up having an argument and then after that we just ended having them every other day. I got raped when I was younger and got herpes, and when we were having an argument me and my boyfriend he called me a herpes victim and said I deserved everything I got, every time we have an argument now he says cruel and disgusting things like that, he has only ever physically hit me once but he said it was by an accident but then he stole all my birthday money I got of family and refused to give it back. We broke up after that but then we got back together, every time we argue now he threatens me. It's hard situation for me because I'm pregnant.

    Lauren - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lauren,

      Thank you for your message. You are in a very difficult situation and I can hear how distressing this is for you. Your boyfriend is behaving in a way that is extremely abusive and I’m concerned to hear that you are pregnant and having to cope with this. You have been very strong to reach out, what is happening is not ok and you don’t have to cope alone, you deserve some support.

      There are lots of things you write in your message that are concerning Lauren. The fact that you are pregnant and he is threatening you is worrying. Domestic abuse often gets worse during pregnancy and after a baby is born. Is this something you have seen in your own relationship? If so you can talk to your midwife or health visitor about this. They will be trained to be on the look out for this pattern of behaviour. If you are under stress it is not good for you or the baby. And if you think there is a risk to you both once the child is born this is something you need to think about now.

      You have been raped before, that’s a difficult and painful thing to happen and your partner is using it as a way to abuse you further. To bring up such a traumatic event to hurt you is very abusive. I’m jus wondering if you have had any support for the rape? If not you can call Rape Crisis, they are an organisation who specialise in working with women and girls who have suffered sexual violence. They can talk with you in a confidential and non-judgemental setting. You can reach them on 0808 802 (12 –2.30 & 7 – 9.30 everyday)

      You do not deserve to be treated the way you are being. Your partner is being abusive and this is not your fault. Do you have anyone you could talk to about this, friends, family or someone else in your life? If you don’t feel able to talk to anyone you know I would encourage you to call the 24 -hour domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247. You can speak to them about how you are feeling and what options you could take. You might also want to look on this website for more information about domestic abuse in relationships.
      www.womensaid.org.uk

      You can also come to our live chat if you want to which we run every Mon- Fri from 5-7pm to talk more.

      Take care,
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • caz

    24/01/2014

    i thought i was in a safe relationship, until i was pressured into sending sexual pictures. now i dont want anything to do with him but he keeps blackmailing me with the picture to send him more or to meet up with him. he said he is going to upload my picture on facebook if i dont. my message to those girls out there who are being forced to send a picture for the first time... DON'T DO IT, TELL SOMEONE STRAIGHT AWAY! i'm now stuck with him blackmailing me for the rest of my life and i don't know how i can get rid of the picture :(

    caz - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • is there any help for over 16's ?

      caz - 27/01/2014

    • Hi Caz
      Thank you for getting in touch. I am really glad you did. You do not have to put up with him blackmailing you - there is support for you.

      There is some really good advice on these sites:
      http://www.childline.org.uk/explore/onlinesafety/pages/sexting.aspx
      http://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/11_16/control/sexting/

      You can call ChildLine and talk to someone in confidence on 0800 1111 about this. You can also make a report to CEOP (on the second link). What he is doing is abusive and against the law and there is lots of support and protection for you. They can also help with getting the picture taken down.

      You are right to say that telling someone straight away is the best idea, but it is not too late to tell someone now, you do not have to cope with this alone.

      I hope this helps Caz,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 25/01/2014

  • Ambz

    24/01/2014

    I've seen the advert and I'm honestly worried that I'm like that towards my boyfriend. I get annoyed with his friends. I call him names, I can't believe it. I need help? Could someone please advise how I can snap out of it.

    Ambz - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Ambz,

      Thank you for your message. It takes a lot of strength to realise that we are acting in a way that is abusive and to admit to that. You have made the first step towards changing your behaviour by posting here today.

      The way you are acting is not ok and you know that. Have you spoken to your boyfriend about it? You need to commit to change and there are organisations out there that can help. The respect phone line works with people who are being abusive. You can call them and have a chat about the way you are acting they are the Respect phone line (0808 802 40 40. They are open Monday to Friday 9-5)

      I have also attached a pdf on jealousy you might want to look at.

      http://www.respect.uk.net/data/files/managing_jealousy_leaflet.pdf

      We also have live chat 5-7 weeknights if you would like to talk about this a bit more.

      Take care,
      Becca


      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Robyne

    24/01/2014

    never realised till know that i have been in abusive relationship, physically, mentally and emotionally, i always got its my fault and accused of cheating when am at a course but recently i had been beaten up after finding out i was pregnant, gladly the police have been involved and i knew that was the last straw and i had to get out of there as soon as possible, unfortunately now i have nothing no house and no money, am scared and just feel like bottling it all up is the best thing right now x

    Robyne - 24/01/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Robyne,

      Thank you for sharing your story. I can hear what a terrifying ordeal you have been through and I’m pleased that you are not bottling it up and writing about what has happened here. You have been so strong and brave to get out of the relationship and you deserve some support.

      You are now in a situation where you are without a home and have no money – that’s really hard for you and I’m not sure of you are still pregnant or not. If you are or if you are not there are resources out there to help you. Have you spoken to any domestic abuse support services? The best place to find out what help you can get (practical and emotionally) is to call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247. You don’t have to cope on your own. There is also some advice below you may want to look at.

      http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100320005

      The more people you age supporting you right now the easier it will be for you to decide what to do next. You have dome the hardest thing, which is leave the relationship. You now have to go ahead with your life, but you don’t have to do it alone.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 26/01/2014

  • Tasha

    24/01/2014

    It feels nice knowing this has become a bit more recognised, especially as celebrities are saying it, people are more likely to listen and recognise abuse, i was sexually abused by my boyfriend until i managed to get out of it and i was afraid no one would believe me because he was my boyfriend, i hope everyone believes in themselves and manages to get out of these kind of situations...

    Tasha - 24/01/2014

    Reply

Pages << < 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 > >>

Results: 315 - 330 of 2036

Terms and conditions of use

Please read and accept these rules below before commenting. All of the comments you post on this website are treated confidentially and moderated.

Stay safe – don't include any personal information in your comments, such as your surname, email address, street address and phone number.

Don't include the personal details of anyone else in your posts (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers or group leaders).

Don't go off topic - keep your comments relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate. People want their opinions to be heard – don't shout them down.

Don't post crude, racist, offensive, violent or vulgar messages to the site.

Treat everyone with respect – even if someone has a different view to your own, don't let it get personal.

Don't glamorise illegal or dangerous activities, including violence of any kind. It's ok to talk about your experiences but you shouldn't encourage others to do anything illegal or dangerous.

Don't write anything that's untrue about anyone else (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers, group leaders and famous people). Don't write anything that could harm anyone else's reputation.

This isn't a dating site – it's a platform to talk about teenage relationship abuse and your opinions on the matter; don't use it to meet or flirt with other people.

Don't write everything in CAPS – it's the equivalent of shouting and isn't polite or easy for everyone to read.

Don't post entire messages in text speak – it's ok to shorten some words but not everyone understands text speak or finds it easy to read.

It's ok to post links to other websites as long as they're relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate and don't break the house rules in any way.

Don't break copyright rules. This means that you shouldn't post text you didn't write.

LIVECHAT