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This is ABUSE

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Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships

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TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS

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Results: 300 - 315 of 2103

  • Corrie

    10/02/2014

    I love the fact that there has been a significant increase in rape awareness. I was raped 4 years ago, and have recovrred in my own time. U am in a place where I am fine to talk about it now, and have moved on, but i understand that this is not the case for many oher victims. It is amazing that the awareness is being raised... victims need to understand that there is help out there; not only for them to get immediate help, but also a help for their future to recover with help and also independently. I feel that I had to find my own ways to recover, but it would be great for others to have help, which I feel I could have benefited from. I hope other people will benefit from this new wider awareness initiative!

    Corrie - 10/02/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Corrie,

      Thank you so much for sharing your message of encouragement. I am really sorry that you went through this experience. You are right, different people may recover in different ways and need support at different times.

      Rape Crisis offer immediate and long term support for women and girls who have experienced any form of sexual violence.

      www.rapecrisis.org.uk 0808 802 9999

      Take Care,

      Brian

      This is Abuse team 11/02/2014

  • Ellie

    10/02/2014

    I'm verry confused at the moment , I love my boyfriend and happy with him but a lot of the time I feel like I'm on edge like if I say or do anything wrong when I haven't done anything wrong, also a disagreement with a friend where she made up saying to my friends he makes me unhappy when I haven't said anything like that what's caused a spilt between me and a friend and I feel like he's making me choose I also get constly accused when I'm out if I'm with other boys when I'm with the girls it's also hard to make time for everyone and I feel like I'm in the wrong either way what I do it's tearing me up on the inside I can hardly cope

    Ellie - 10/02/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Ellie,

      Thanks for putting your message up. It must be confusing to feel that you love someone and at the same time on edge and worried.

      I am sorry that you have fallen out with your friend too. Is it possible that they were worried for you?

      You mention that your boyfriend accuses you of being with other boys when you are out with your girlfriends; surely it is up to you who you keep as friends boys or girls? You said you feel like your boyfriend is making you choose between him and your friends and I think you are right to be uncomfortable about this.

      I think it is a good idea to talk with someone who you trust about this. An adult friend or perhaps a ChildLine counsellor 0800 1111. You can also chat with an advisor here from 5pm-7pm Monday to Friday.

      Take Care,

      Brian

      This is Abuse team 11/02/2014

  • Alex

    10/02/2014

    I love the website. But i've found it only is based around violent relationships or sexual abuse, and doesn't mention a lot about emotion or mental abuse or what to do when you recieve it. There doesn't seem to be enough help avaliable, just information on what, but not telling you how to deal with these problems

    Alex - 10/02/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Alex,

      Thanks for your post. Many people experience domestic violence without ever being hurt physically. Sometimes they’re not sure if what is happening to them is even abuse. They worry that no-one will take them seriously if they talk about it.

      If you need to change the way you behave to keep your partner happy it is worth talking with someone about whether you are experiencing abuse.

      Emotional abuse can be just as harmful as physical abuse. It often leads to physical violence over time.

      You can access services locally by contacting Women’s Aid. www.womensaid.org.uk

      Take Care,
      Brian

      This is Abuse team 10/02/2014

  • R

    09/02/2014

    My close friend is 14 and she was going out with a 18 year old till he told her that he kissed her bestfriend,they split up but he wants her back even knowing what he has done,ive told her to just move on because of all the lies and upset he had made towards her,he keeps asking her for picturesand when she doesnt send them he either splits up with her or ignores her and she keeps sending him them,ive told her that he is using her but she wont listen but she is madly in love she wants him back what shall i do?

    R - 09/02/2014

    Reply
    • HI R,

      Because your friend is 14 she is breaking the law by sending these pictures, and her boyfriend is breaking the law by asking for them. It is considered sending child pornography and her boyfriend can get in a lot of trouble for it.

      It sounds like she needs some help and support at the moment, and I'm really glad she has got you to talk to and look out for her. But it might be helpful to talk to an adult that you trust about what has been happening.

      It is not your friends fault, the man she is dating is considered an adult and is behaving very irresponsibly, and is breaking the law.

      It might be helpful to talk to a parent, or an adult at school that you trust. Or your friend can contact Childline on 0800 1111 for some more advice and support.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 10/02/2014

  • Callum

    09/02/2014

    im a 9 yr old boy someone asked me for were i lived he said he was gonna rape me i dont know what that menas i have special needs and he made jokes about me please HELP ME !!!!!

    Callum - 09/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Callum,

      This sounds like it could be serious, you might want to think about talking to an adult that you trust about what happened. It might be helpful to tell a parent, or a teacher that you trust about this.

      If you see this person again, or you feel that you are at risk of this happening then you can call the Police on 999.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 10/02/2014

  • gary

    09/02/2014

    My female partner of 10 years has mentally abused me over the past 2 years.we have a 6 year old daughter I love and today she has seen me finally break down and cry.i work 65 hours a wk, partner hasnt worked in 10 years.help me, who can I talk to

    gary - 09/02/2014

    Reply
    • HI Gary,

      Thanks for contacting us. It would be really helpful for you to talk to someone about the abuse you have experienced, so it might be helpful to contact the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327. They offer advice and support for men who have experienced violence or abuse. They may also be able to put you in contact with a local support service.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 10/02/2014

  • Jamie

    09/02/2014

    My bf kicked my in the nose on purpose because he's adicted to sex and sometimes I didn't even want to but he forsed me he kicked my in the nose and he's punched me and I don't know what to do

    Jamie - 09/02/2014

    Reply
    • HI Jamie,

      It sounds like you're in a really abusive relationship. Nobody should use violence against another, his actions were completely unacceptable.

      Nobody should be demanding sex from you, it is your choice, and if your partner is using physical force when he is not getting sex then this must be awful for you. It is your body and you have the right to say no, and if your partner is forcing himself on to you then this is rape.

      Have you talked to anybody about what has been happening? There are lots of services out there that can help, you could contact your local domestic abuse service and you can find this by calling the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247. You may also wish to report his behaviour to the Police. What he is doing is not ok, and is breaking the law, and the Police will be able to keep you as safe as possible.

      If you want to talk being forced to perform sexual acts that you didn't want to then you can call Rape Crisis if you are female on 0808 802 9999, or Survivors UK on 0845 122 1201 if you are male.

      We are also running Live Chat from the website Monday to Friday 5pm until 7pm if you would like to talk to us about what has happened.

      I really hope you access some help or advice as it must be a tough time for you.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 10/02/2014

  • Julie

    09/02/2014

    It's so hard to know if it's abuse. He tells me that he is not trying to control me, he just wants me to be happy but just the fact that we are having to discuss it makes me confused. He is giving up drinking and says that therefore there will be no more drunken arguments. Does that mean that there was something wrong when alcohol was involved? This is the first weekend without alcohol but I spent Friday evening with my sister. I started to get texts saying that he felt sad that he wasn't having fun with us and he never would be able to again. Is this him trying to be the centre of attention? Trying to make me feel bad? He said everything was ok but yesterday we had to sit for 2 hours analysing behaviours and feelings. I just don't know what is going on?

    Julie - 09/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Julie,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like a tough situation, but a situation that is being addressed. Only you can know how you are feeling, and it has clearly felt abusive and controlling to you at times.

      It is a good sign that he has given up alcohol if arguments were happening when he was drinking, but he can't use this as an excuse to make you feel bad.

      It would be really helpful to explore a little bit more about what has been happening in your relationship, so I think it would be helpful for you to come and have a talk with us on Live Chat from the site, Monday to Friday 5pm-7pm or you can call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 10/02/2014

  • Jane

    09/02/2014

    I'm disabled and my carer/partner has been both physically and verbally abusive, he also bullies me and tries to isolate me in social situations. My GP just says if you are in danger call the police when I said I'm frightened of him.

    Jane - 09/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Jane,

      Thanks for getting in contact. Being disabled adds more risk to abuse in relationships, and like you have pointed out it can lead to an increased risk of isolation.

      Your GP was right, if you are in danger then always call 999. But he should have also given you the number for your local domestic abuse service. If your partner is always with you then it might be difficult to access the support, but they are often very good at meeting clients at appointments or day centres where your partner might not be present.

      You can find your local domestic abuse service on Google, or by contacting the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      I'm really glad you have reached out for some support. What is happening is not acceptable, and there are services out there that can support you.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 09/02/2014

  • Christine

    08/02/2014

    My son is 17 and has been with his girlfriend on and off for the past 3 years, but more consistent the last year. We were led to believe she had a terrible time at home with her parents and left to live with a relation at 13, when this relation died she was going to become homeless and have to be put in temporary accommodation so we thought this was unfair and asked her to come and stay with us until things got sorted out. This situation opened our eyes and we became very aware of a very unhealthy relationship. To cut a long story short things became very difficult with her in our home and she moved out to stay with an aunt, but she frequently came to stay at our house which became very apparent to us that my son was not really allowed to do anything other than be with her. We overheard some hideous arguments with her screaming and shouting and accusing my son of cheating even though he never leaves the house unless it's to work or with her. We barred her from the house after this which has just made things even worse. She waits outside his work, she has bitten him, punched and scratched him and stood asking for him to hit her back so she can get him in trouble, she has locked him inside her house and won't let him leave, he is so not himself and doesn't really know what to do, she threatens to do all sorts and he feels completely trapped, she has manipulated our family and friend, pulling the wool over our eyes and plays the victim card very well, I'm just scared my son will crack under the strain or even worse this crazy person is going to physically seriously harm my child, any help or advice would be great fully appreciated

    Christine - 08/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Christine,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It is really difficult to watch someone we love experience abuse, and it sounds like it has been traumatic for you.

      The issue is that he is the only person that can decide he wants to address this, and if he does then he might want to contact the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327. They also have a lot of great information on their website, www.mensadviceline.org.uk. They have a 32 page booklet that you can download and print out, and It might be helpful to read through this with him.

      My concern is that none of this is probably being reported to the Police, and if something were to happen, or she were to make a false allegation then he won't have any evidence of the contrary, so that might be something to keep in mind.

      You are also welcome to call the helpline above to talk about what is going on, and to find out what options are available for your son.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 09/02/2014

  • Charlotte

    08/02/2014

    My boyfriend has always had a online porn addiction he stopped watching the DVDs when he got a context phone I told him it made me feel not good enough and he continued to do it and try to hide it, he then joined facebook and added only girls with big boobs and pictures of then in there underwear and then would send them crude messages .ie I'm rubbing myself looking at your pictures, I caught him we broke up he begged me to give him another chance, I did this was 2 years ago, we broke up a year ago due to too much arguing and he begged me for another chance after faking suicide to emotionally blackmail me, he said give me till Christmas to prove he can stop going on facebook and I caught him 2 weeks before Christmas sending messages commenting on pictures sending pictures of himself to loads of girls, he begged me for another chance I gave him another chance and just found out his doing it again, we have got 4 children together and we are both on the tenancy I know this is mental abuse, he tells me it's only chatting and he would never cheat but that's not the point he makes me feel useless I did try to end my life 2 months ago but failed, I have no where to take the kids otherwise I would leave I need help

    Charlotte - 08/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Charlotte,

      It sounds like a really horrible situation, nobody should be treated by their partner in this way, it is completely disrespectful.

      It must be scary feeling like you have nowhere to go, but there are services out there that can help. There is a really useful page here on what you can do if you want to leave. http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100320002

      You other option is that you have him removed from the property by getting a Non-Molestation and Occupation Order and there is more about these orders here; http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100330002

      There are lots of specialist services that can support you, and I hope it doesn't come to the point where you feel you have to take your life again. But it might be helpful to talk to your GP about how you are feeling at the moment. You can also talk to the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      I really hope you access some support, and that you feel strong enough to remove that man from your life, so that he can't cause you any more damage and upset.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 09/02/2014

  • Kate

    08/02/2014

    I'm not sure if I was raped, my boyfriend would have sex with me when I didn't want to, I would tell him no but he still done it and would get angry with me if I wasn't enjoying it, he would never wear a condom even tho I asked and would always make me finish him off even tho I told him ididnt want to, he would get angry and once pushed me coz I made him stop, I'm not sure if this was rape

    Kate - 08/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Kate,

      Thanks for sharing your experience, it must have been horrible for you.

      Nobody has the right to have sex with you when you don't want to. If there is no consent then it is rape. And i'm really sorry you have had to experience this. If you want to talk to somebody about what happened then you can call Rape Crisis on 0808 802 9999.

      It must have been scary to be having unprotected sex, again this is your choice, and nobody should have unprotected sex with you without your consent.

      There are a lot of services out there that can offer you emotional support and advice, I really hope you contact the number above and access some support.

      What happened is not your fault, he chose to behave that way and he has to be accountable for his actions.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 09/02/2014

  • Sam

    08/02/2014

    Hi there, I'm a 21 year old gay male from Burnley, Lancashire.
    When I was 19 years old I had a long term relationship with a guy, who I didn't think of at the time without people constantly telling me that he was abusing me, I went through physical abuse with being hit by him and head butted, also emotional abuse, and sexual which entailed him having sexual intercourse with me which I didn't consent to also without a condom or lubrication. I sometimes have nightmares and I find it a little difficult to move on from it. I have never asked for any help from it but I feel now is the time to finally speak out and seek help to better myself
    I'm out of the relationship and have been for the last year or so.
    Could I get some help and support?

    Sam - 08/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Sam,

      Thanks for getting in touch, and sharing your story. It must have been really tough for you. It seems like there was a really wide range of abuse that happened to you, and although you're out of the relationship now it is going to have an impact on your emotional wellbeing.

      There are services that you can access to address what is happening, There is a service that runs a dedicated helpline for information and support in Burnley from Mondays to Wednesdays 10am – 12pm:
      01772 900260. They may be able to put you in contact with some services that can offer you ongoing support.

      If you would like to talk about the sexual abuse that has taken place then you can contact Survivors UK on 0845 122 1201, they are a specific helpline for men who have experienced sexual abuse.

      You can also call the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327, which is a helpline for men who have experienced violence or abuse.

      There is also a domestic abuse service that runs in Blackburn that may be able to offer you some emotional support. It is run by Women's Aid and offers services for men. Their helpline number is 0845 0777 088 (Mon-Fri 9-5pm)

      I really hope you access some support.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 09/02/2014

  • Kate Smith

    07/02/2014

    I believe that rape is something that can sometimes be thrown around too much and girls shy away from speaking up about things that have happened to them as they don't feel it was as serious as a rape incident. Sexual assault, no matter how serious is NEVER ok. I had an experience when I was 16 where I did things with my boyfriend that I didn't feel comfortable with. I didn't say I was uncomfortable but he could tell that I was and still went through with things. I felt like I couldn't say no, so I didn't. That is NOT ok though and it has been made clear to me, due to speaking to somebody on this site. I don't class what happened to me as rape because it wasn't sex. It is sexual assault though and I should have been able to say no. I was scared to speak about it because I knew it wasn't rape and it wasn't as serious as rape. However, it still wasn't ok. Girls should be able to speak about this kind of thing if they have had something happen to them because although they may not want to see a counsellor or a rape specialist, they might just want somebody to talk to. Rape and sexual assault is never ok girls, you are worth much more to be treated like that.

    Kate Smith - 07/02/2014

    Reply
    • Thank you so much for this post Kate. I have only just begun to face up to the abuse in my marriage and am still struggling with the question, was this abuse, if i went along with it? I was constantly pressured into doing horrible things that I didn't want to, but this was over 5 years ago. I thought that because I had 'put up with it' that i only had myself to blame. I can remember putting my baby son to bed and getting texts from my husband on his way home telling me what he wanted me to do that night and drinking a couple of shots of neat vodka, not to get drunk, but to try and numb myself to tolerate it. I know now that this was NOT normal and was just one incident in 7 years of this kind of behaviour. I'm now starting to seek help. Your post helped me realise that just because you have tolerated it, doesn't mean it was ok.

      Jane Roberts - 08/02/2014

  • Lauren

    07/02/2014

    when i was 11 i met someone who was 15 he was nice and caring. He forced me to do things i didnt want to do i never got help but that was a long time ago. If your suffering get help.

    Lauren - 07/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lauren,

      hanks for sharing your experience. It must have been scary. Any sexual act with someone under the age of 16 is illegal, ans the acts the person forced you to do would be classed as sexual abuse or rape. You can still report this to the police if you wanted to, and there is a lot of information on reporting at www.rapecrisis.org.uk

      I know you said it happened a long time ago, but there are still services that work with women and men who have been historic victims of sexual abuse, there is still support out there for you.

      You can contact Rape Crisis on 0808 802 9999 to find out what services run in your local area.

      What happened was not your fault, and I really hope you access some support around this.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 07/02/2014

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Results: 300 - 315 of 2103

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