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This is ABUSE

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Results: 300 - 315 of 2110

  • Dean

    12/02/2014

    Well I was in a relationship and my girlfriend got raped she was pregnant It worried me for wot would happen to my baby. I was horrified For wot happen to her and It scares me to know that you get bad people out there, Wot do I do If people are making you not to tell anyone about raping?

    Dean - 12/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Dean
      Thanks for your message. It must have been an awful time for you and your girlfriend. You say you were in a relationship - does that mean you are not together anymore? Has she had the baby?

      I think that she will need some support to cope with what happened and it would be good for her to contact rape crisis : http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
      0808 802 9999 - they will be able to listen and give her support. They can also explain what would happen if she does want to report it to the police and can support her through that process.

      You are right, it is scary that people do this to other people. It sounds as if some people told you not to report what happened?
      It is up to your girlfriend if she wants to report it to the police, but I think it is always important to get support from a professional organisation like the one above, as rape is incredibly traumatic and can have huge impacts on someone.

      I understand that this has also been very hard for you, so you should try to get some support too.

      I hope this helps,
      take care dean,
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 13/02/2014

  • Missy

    12/02/2014

    I was in a relationship for just under a year. I was regularly beaten up, left with bruises all over my body, strangle marks on my neck, black eyes, was kicked and punched for the smallest of things. I wasn't allowed to speak to friends that were guys. I made the mistake once of hugging an old friend of mine,...... my ex went mad. There has been untold amount of times where I am left with lumps on my head from him smacking my head against whatever is near. He used to force me to have sex with him. I got pregnant, he forced me to keep it, making me feel bad for wanting to get rid of it, and I was only 16. Two months into the pregnancy, he got drunk and started to stamp on my belly, the next day I had a miscarriage, he blamed me. The look in his eyes, and the pure happiness in his face when he was strangling me. He used to threaten me and my family. Saying he was going to come into my house..........he used to threaten to hurt my family if I left him. He would always check my phone, need to know who I spoke to and what about, needed the password to my Facebook and if I changed it, I would get a beating. One time he threw me on the floor and starting stamping on my face. He went inside to his nans, I couldnâ

    Missy - 12/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Missy

      thank you for contacting us and having the courage to share something about what you have experienced. It sounds like an awful situation and a dangerously abusive relationship. Its a relief to hear you are no longer in this situation but the effects of abuse can be long lasting.

      I hope that you have been able to re connect with your family and friends now for some emotional support as this is so important to help you move on from what happened to you. The National helpline on 0808 2000 247 if you call them could give you information about local services in your area. This may not be something you feel that you need but many women do benefit from some counselling or perhaps joining a survivors group where they can meet other women who have had similar experiences. Mostly women find this quite empowering as it helps them appreciate that the abuse was not their fault and think about how they can move on and rebuild their life.

      I hope things work out for you

      Take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 12/02/2014

  • chloe

    12/02/2014

    I dont no wat to do, my parter pushes me around, pulls my hair, slaps me and breaks my stuff, we have 2 kids and i dnt want them to see it. We arnt suppost to be together due to police involvement and my family dont no we are back together they would disown me. I have moved away to start a fresh but he followed me, he wont leave. I cant ring the police, tell my family or friends. Im stuck and scared.its all my falt i shouldnt of taken him back and i shouldnt of dropped charges. I hope this is confidential and wont be passed on to the police.

    chloe - 12/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Chloe

      Thanks for getting in touch with us. Its understandable that you are feeling scared and confused about what to do with what you have described. It is not unusual for women , especially those who have children to give their partner another chance because despite the abuse as separating from a relationship is a major decision and very hard to do. The important thing at the moment is that you get some advice and support for yourself to help you decide what to do.

      Have you a close friend you trust who you would feel comfortable talking to about this as you are unable to share this with your family. If not perhaps you could try talking to your children's health visitor ( if they are at that age) as they have lots of experience supporting women in similar situations.

      Its important to remember that leaving can be a time when many women experience an increase in the violence and abuse so if you are thinking about this as an option its important to try and plan to leave safely if you can. The Women's Aid website www.womensaid.org.uk has information on it about safety planning and the National helpline on 0808 2000 247 can discuss your options with you if you can give them a call. Most areas also have an IDVA ( Independent domestic violence advocate). These are specially trained workers to support women experiencing domestic violence. They would be able to support you as well and will have worked with many women who feel unable to report to the police or tell their family about the situation.

      We also run Live Chat sessions Mon -Fri 5 -7 so if you were able to come on line and chat to us we could help you think about your options.

      I hope that helps a little

      Take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 12/02/2014

  • Taylor

    11/02/2014

    Basically we get on a lot but when we argue over stupid things.. Such as not replying quick enough, our arguements get very abusive.. Such as name calling and hitting .. I've never told anyone due to they would stop me seeing him.. Give me advice please?

    Taylor - 11/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Taylor

      thanks for getting in touch with us and I can understand that you feel confused and worried. It can be very hard to weigh up the pros and cons of a relationship but as you are already aware physical and emotional abuse is unacceptable and leaves someone feeling sad and mixed up about what to do.

      I know you are worried about talking to someone but it is important that you try and get some support for yourself. If you can't talk to your parents or family maybe a close friend, teacher or someone like that could help instead. Just having someone to share this with will help you not feel so alone. We also offer live chat sessions Mon - Fri 5 -7 if you wanted to talk to us instead.

      A good site for young people to look at about healthy and unhealthy relationships is www.respectnotfear.co.uk. Looking at this may help you think a bit more about what the benefits would be of remaining in this relationship. Its important to feel safe both physically and emotionally when you are in a close and intimate relationship with someone and it does not sound as though this is always how it is for you. There is also a book you might like to read called In Love and In danger by Barrie Levy which you could ask the local library to order for you or get online.

      I hope that helps as a starting point but please do come back to us or contact us on Live chat if you want more information or advice

      Take Care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 12/02/2014

  • Charlotte

    11/02/2014

    When I say or do something that my boyfriend finds annoying he pokes me in the side, back, and thighs - all areas that he knows are incredibly sensitive because of a ........... condition that I have. I don't know if he is just forgetting, being a jerk or if it really is abuse. It happens a lot. He is really sweet most of the time and my family thinks he is a great guy for me. He is also a bit sexually aggressive - if I say no he pulls my hair and tries to get me to perform oral sex on him. Honestly this is my first physically intimate relationship so I just don't know if this is normal...

    Charlotte - 11/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Charlotte

      Thanks for getting in touch with us. I can see that this is pretty confusing for you but what you are describing by your boyfriend is actually abuse. It can be hard to work out if something is intentional or not but if he knows that you have a condition that gives you pain then he should be respecting that and looking out for you.He definitely shouldn't be poking you in areas that he knows will hurt you.

      The sexual aggression is also not acceptable. An intimate relationship should be based on trust and respect which does not involve aggression. This must be very difficult for you to cope with. Have you anyone you can talk to about this because its important that you have some emotional support for yourself.

      It may be helpful if you look at the website www.respectnotfear.co.uk which is especially for young people and is all about healthy and unhealthy relationships. It may give you some ideas in relation to working out what is normal or acceptable and what is not. You have a right to be safe and not treated in this way. It can be hard to understand this when you also probably have feelings for your boyfriend but you need to weigh up what you are getting from the relationship that makes it worthwhile for you.There is also another site (it's and American one) about dating violence for young people. Its www.loveisnotabuse.com

      Try and take a look at those sites and if you feel it would be helpful to talk to one of us then we have live chat sessions Mon -Fri 5 -7

      I hope that helps as a staring point

      Take care

      Linda

      This is Abuse team 11/02/2014

  • Alex

    11/02/2014

    I have done bad to my ex but i have been to lessons and have changed for her and ready to be a better man for her how do i show her that because i know deep down she still has feelings for me?

    Alex - 11/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Alex
      Thanks for your message. It is fantastic that you have admitted that you were abusive in the past and have had some support to change your behaviour.

      It is very likely that your ex does still have feelings for you as it is hard to stop loving someone, even if they are abusive. However, you may have to accept that she will not want to get back together with you - and that is absolutely her right. Even if she does care about you and believes that you have changed, when someone we care about was abusive to us it can take a very long time (if ever) before we are ready to have anther relationship with anyone, yet alone that same person.

      I think you need to give her some space and not put any pressure on her at all. It is her decision if she wants to get back with you, but if that did happen I would want her to have a lot of support and if you felt like you wanted to be abusive again you would need to make sure you got support and did not let things escalate. If you ever need to talk, respect have a great phoneline: http://www.respect.uk.net/pages/get-help.html
      freephone 0808 802 4040

      I know this is hard but I hope this helps
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 12/02/2014

  • R

    11/02/2014

    I went out for a few drinks last weekend with a few of my old friends. It was a chance for us to get together and regain the friendship we used to have. I didnt invite my boyfriend out because I wanted to spend time with old friends not new ones or him. He keeps getting funny with this and keeps bringing up how my ex was invited and not him. He starts arguments over what I was wearing and says he is upset with who i wore it for not what i wore when I only wore what I did for myself so I could gain the confidence. After this recently he accuses me of being with someone else because I dont reply to his texts straight away or i dont reply cause i have fallen asleep. And now anything he brings up or causes and argument for is all my fault and im always the one in the wrong. I dont really do anything wrong or at least I dont think I do and yet everything still gets thrown back my way. we are both 18 and I love him to peices but I dont know what I should do about all the arguing because nothing I ever do is ever right in his eyes. when we spend time together it is great we have a laugh and we get along with no arguing but a day after he will find another argument to start and he will do it all over text. if hes isnt getting funny over what I am doing its because I cant see him on the weekend. I know we dont have to spend every waking moment together but he doesnt seem to understand that. i just needed a bit of advive on what to do about this sort of situation. x

    R - 11/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi R
      Thanks for your message.
      It sounds like your boyfriend is being very emotionally abusive and also very controlling. It is not ok for him to try to tell you who you can and can't see or what you should wear etc. These are not things that should happen in a healthy, respectful relationship. You have the right to see who you want, when you want and should not feel pressured to reply to texts instantly.

      I understand that you love him, but what is happening is not ok and I worry that things will only get worse unless he is able to admit he is wrong and takes responsibility for changing his behaviour. However, it is not your responsibility to make him realise that.

      I think you need to decide if this is really a relationship that you want to be in. The majority of guys will not treat you like this. I know it is a hard decision to make. There is some advice here: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/relationship/

      It is also a good idea to talk to other people about what has been going on - friends or family, or someone else that you trust, as it will keep you safer and help you to work out how you are feeling.
      We also have a live chat from 5-7pm mon-fri if you want to talk to us.

      take care
      jo

      This is Abuse team - 12/02/2014

  • Corrie

    10/02/2014

    I love the fact that there has been a significant increase in rape awareness. I was raped 4 years ago, and have recovrred in my own time. U am in a place where I am fine to talk about it now, and have moved on, but i understand that this is not the case for many oher victims. It is amazing that the awareness is being raised... victims need to understand that there is help out there; not only for them to get immediate help, but also a help for their future to recover with help and also independently. I feel that I had to find my own ways to recover, but it would be great for others to have help, which I feel I could have benefited from. I hope other people will benefit from this new wider awareness initiative!

    Corrie - 10/02/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Corrie,

      Thank you so much for sharing your message of encouragement. I am really sorry that you went through this experience. You are right, different people may recover in different ways and need support at different times.

      Rape Crisis offer immediate and long term support for women and girls who have experienced any form of sexual violence.

      www.rapecrisis.org.uk 0808 802 9999

      Take Care,

      Brian

      This is Abuse team 11/02/2014

  • Ellie

    10/02/2014

    I'm verry confused at the moment , I love my boyfriend and happy with him but a lot of the time I feel like I'm on edge like if I say or do anything wrong when I haven't done anything wrong, also a disagreement with a friend where she made up saying to my friends he makes me unhappy when I haven't said anything like that what's caused a spilt between me and a friend and I feel like he's making me choose I also get constly accused when I'm out if I'm with other boys when I'm with the girls it's also hard to make time for everyone and I feel like I'm in the wrong either way what I do it's tearing me up on the inside I can hardly cope

    Ellie - 10/02/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Ellie,

      Thanks for putting your message up. It must be confusing to feel that you love someone and at the same time on edge and worried.

      I am sorry that you have fallen out with your friend too. Is it possible that they were worried for you?

      You mention that your boyfriend accuses you of being with other boys when you are out with your girlfriends; surely it is up to you who you keep as friends boys or girls? You said you feel like your boyfriend is making you choose between him and your friends and I think you are right to be uncomfortable about this.

      I think it is a good idea to talk with someone who you trust about this. An adult friend or perhaps a ChildLine counsellor 0800 1111. You can also chat with an advisor here from 5pm-7pm Monday to Friday.

      Take Care,

      Brian

      This is Abuse team 11/02/2014

  • Alex

    10/02/2014

    I love the website. But i've found it only is based around violent relationships or sexual abuse, and doesn't mention a lot about emotion or mental abuse or what to do when you recieve it. There doesn't seem to be enough help avaliable, just information on what, but not telling you how to deal with these problems

    Alex - 10/02/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Alex,

      Thanks for your post. Many people experience domestic violence without ever being hurt physically. Sometimes they’re not sure if what is happening to them is even abuse. They worry that no-one will take them seriously if they talk about it.

      If you need to change the way you behave to keep your partner happy it is worth talking with someone about whether you are experiencing abuse.

      Emotional abuse can be just as harmful as physical abuse. It often leads to physical violence over time.

      You can access services locally by contacting Women’s Aid. www.womensaid.org.uk

      Take Care,
      Brian

      This is Abuse team 10/02/2014

  • R

    09/02/2014

    My close friend is 14 and she was going out with a 18 year old till he told her that he kissed her bestfriend,they split up but he wants her back even knowing what he has done,ive told her to just move on because of all the lies and upset he had made towards her,he keeps asking her for picturesand when she doesnt send them he either splits up with her or ignores her and she keeps sending him them,ive told her that he is using her but she wont listen but she is madly in love she wants him back what shall i do?

    R - 09/02/2014

    Reply
    • HI R,

      Because your friend is 14 she is breaking the law by sending these pictures, and her boyfriend is breaking the law by asking for them. It is considered sending child pornography and her boyfriend can get in a lot of trouble for it.

      It sounds like she needs some help and support at the moment, and I'm really glad she has got you to talk to and look out for her. But it might be helpful to talk to an adult that you trust about what has been happening.

      It is not your friends fault, the man she is dating is considered an adult and is behaving very irresponsibly, and is breaking the law.

      It might be helpful to talk to a parent, or an adult at school that you trust. Or your friend can contact Childline on 0800 1111 for some more advice and support.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 10/02/2014

  • Callum

    09/02/2014

    im a 9 yr old boy someone asked me for were i lived he said he was gonna rape me i dont know what that menas i have special needs and he made jokes about me please HELP ME !!!!!

    Callum - 09/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Callum,

      This sounds like it could be serious, you might want to think about talking to an adult that you trust about what happened. It might be helpful to tell a parent, or a teacher that you trust about this.

      If you see this person again, or you feel that you are at risk of this happening then you can call the Police on 999.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 10/02/2014

  • gary

    09/02/2014

    My female partner of 10 years has mentally abused me over the past 2 years.we have a 6 year old daughter I love and today she has seen me finally break down and cry.i work 65 hours a wk, partner hasnt worked in 10 years.help me, who can I talk to

    gary - 09/02/2014

    Reply
    • HI Gary,

      Thanks for contacting us. It would be really helpful for you to talk to someone about the abuse you have experienced, so it might be helpful to contact the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327. They offer advice and support for men who have experienced violence or abuse. They may also be able to put you in contact with a local support service.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 10/02/2014

  • Jamie

    09/02/2014

    My bf kicked my in the nose on purpose because he's adicted to sex and sometimes I didn't even want to but he forsed me he kicked my in the nose and he's punched me and I don't know what to do

    Jamie - 09/02/2014

    Reply
    • HI Jamie,

      It sounds like you're in a really abusive relationship. Nobody should use violence against another, his actions were completely unacceptable.

      Nobody should be demanding sex from you, it is your choice, and if your partner is using physical force when he is not getting sex then this must be awful for you. It is your body and you have the right to say no, and if your partner is forcing himself on to you then this is rape.

      Have you talked to anybody about what has been happening? There are lots of services out there that can help, you could contact your local domestic abuse service and you can find this by calling the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247. You may also wish to report his behaviour to the Police. What he is doing is not ok, and is breaking the law, and the Police will be able to keep you as safe as possible.

      If you want to talk being forced to perform sexual acts that you didn't want to then you can call Rape Crisis if you are female on 0808 802 9999, or Survivors UK on 0845 122 1201 if you are male.

      We are also running Live Chat from the website Monday to Friday 5pm until 7pm if you would like to talk to us about what has happened.

      I really hope you access some help or advice as it must be a tough time for you.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 10/02/2014

  • Julie

    09/02/2014

    It's so hard to know if it's abuse. He tells me that he is not trying to control me, he just wants me to be happy but just the fact that we are having to discuss it makes me confused. He is giving up drinking and says that therefore there will be no more drunken arguments. Does that mean that there was something wrong when alcohol was involved? This is the first weekend without alcohol but I spent Friday evening with my sister. I started to get texts saying that he felt sad that he wasn't having fun with us and he never would be able to again. Is this him trying to be the centre of attention? Trying to make me feel bad? He said everything was ok but yesterday we had to sit for 2 hours analysing behaviours and feelings. I just don't know what is going on?

    Julie - 09/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Julie,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like a tough situation, but a situation that is being addressed. Only you can know how you are feeling, and it has clearly felt abusive and controlling to you at times.

      It is a good sign that he has given up alcohol if arguments were happening when he was drinking, but he can't use this as an excuse to make you feel bad.

      It would be really helpful to explore a little bit more about what has been happening in your relationship, so I think it would be helpful for you to come and have a talk with us on Live Chat from the site, Monday to Friday 5pm-7pm or you can call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 10/02/2014

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Results: 300 - 315 of 2110

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