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This is ABUSE

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HAVE YOUR SAY

Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships

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TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS

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An expert from Young People’s Services – AVA – is reading and responding to posts on the site, to ensure that responses are independent, sensitive and helpful.

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Results: 300 - 315 of 2152

  • Donna

    21/02/2014

    I am at my wits end with my husband, he mentally abuses me from the moment I open my eyes to the moment I go to sleep, I sit in my bedroom from 6pm at night until 8.30am in the morning when I go to work, the name calling is at a all time high, I have considered taking my own life, I would love to leave but I have no money and no where to go, I am just about holding it all together although over the past few days I have broken down at work, I put on a brave face for work colleagues but it is getting harder everyday.

    Donna - 21/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Donna

      thank you for contacting us and explaining a bit about what is happening to you. Are you able to talk to anyone about what is going on? Maybe a colleague at work that your trust, a friend,relative or your GP? Abuse is a very isolating experience and if at all possible its best if you can talk to someone about this so you can get some support for yourself.

      I am worried that the situation has got to the point where your husbands abuse has made you consider taking your own life. If you can, please go to your GP and discuss this with them so they can get you some help. Having suicidal thoughts can be very frightening so remember that you can always got to a local accident and emergency department if you feel like this again and they will arrange for a specialist doctor to see you. The Samaritans helpline is also useful to consider (08457 909090) and the website www.mind.org.uk is good too.

      For practical advice about the options available to you ( as well as information about local services in your area) call the National helpline on 0808 2000 247 and they will be able to discuss options with you which you can then consider. I hope you will be able to consider some of these suggestion as the continual mental abuse must be leaving you feeling absolutely exhausted and it must make coping at work a real challenge. There are services that can help - i know contacting them might feel scary but you have a right to feel safe and respected within a relationship and not to continue suffering like this.

      I hope that you are able to talk to someone and get some support and that things start to improve

      Take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 22/02/2014

  • Nicola

    21/02/2014

    Hello Nicola

    thanks for contacting us and I can hear how confused you feel about this relationship. I understand that you have feelings for your boyfriend but he is being both emotionally and physically abusive towards you. A healthy relationship should not leave you feeling scared when your partner becomes angry. Have you been able to talk to anyone about this? Really you need to try and tell someone you trust as abuse is hard to cope with on your own and you will need some emotional support.

    I am not sure how old you are but maybe look at these websites - www.respectnotfear.co.uk(for young people) and www.womensaid.org.uk. as both of them have useful information on them about abuse and relationships. Also if you call the National helpline on 0808 2000 247 they can tell you what support services are in your local area and you can see how you feel about making contact with then for support. Alternatively, we offer live chat sessions Mon - Fri 5 -7 if you would like to talk to one of us

    I hope things improve and work out

    Take care
    Linda

    Nicola Nicola - 21/02/2014

    Reply
  • Courtney

    20/02/2014

    My best friend has been in a on off relationship with someone but I'm really worried because I think that they are very controlling! They dont like me at all and they made her pick between me and them, so now shes not allowed to talk to me, and if she does he makes her feel so guilty. They send texts saying "this is all your fault" and they go through her phone to make sure she isn't talking to me, and I don't even think that they are in a relationship right now! I just don't think it's right because you shouldn't be made to choose between the person you love and your friends, he asked her to delete my number, and bbm so she can't have any contact with me, and she does it obviously because she loves him but I really don't think it's right, he gets jelous so easily and then has a go at her I think he is controlling, but I don't know if it's emotional abuse? Please help, I'm quite worried!

    Courtney - 20/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Courtney

      Thanks for your message and I can see why you are concerned about your friends relationship. She is lucky to have you and the support you are obviously keen to provide.

      Yes this does sound like a very controlling relationship and it is definitely not okay to check and manage another persons phone and contacts or to try and come between them and their friends. This type of control is a form of emotional abuse so you are right to be worried for your friend.

      I know you say that its not so easy to see each other now but when you do manage this will she talk to you about these things? It can be very hard to stay in touch with a friend in a controlling relationship as part of the control includes disrupting friendships. This leaves the person being abused really isolated so the more you can try and keep connected to her the better that will be. Its also important to not tell her what to do but explain why you are worried about her and test out if she is happy to talk about it and look at some options with you. She will want to know that you will be supportive of her no matter what as she will be struggling with the fact that she loves this person despite these behaviours.

      You, or maybe both of you together, could look at the Women's aid website www.womensaid.org.uk which has lots of useful information on it including a section on emotional abuse - here is the link( (http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic_violence_topic.asp?section=0001000100220042). Your friend could look at the examples and think about which of them might apply to her relationship. Another option would be to call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247 because they can tell you about support services in your area and also talk through options with your friend if she wanted to do that.

      Lastly, have you got any support for yourself. it can be upsetting and exhausting helping a friend in an abusive relationship. I hope you have someone you can talk to that can support you too

      Take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 22/02/2014

  • Anonymous

    20/02/2014

    There was this boy, he is 2years older than me. He already knew I kinda fancied him from seeing me round school and talking to my best friends sister (who is in his year). Anyway, he sent me a snapchat one day just starting a chat, "hey" we talked quite a lot that night. He seemed so sweet and caring. We would chat almost every night about anything it didn't seem to matter.
    Then after about a week he asked me if I wanted to 'have a laugh' I wondered what he meant, when I asked he said you know "banter" I stupidly agreed. The deal was I show cleavage and he is topless. From there it got worse. He kept coming up with games to play.we would FaceTime and snapchat every night yet he couldn't look me in the eye at school. That's when I noticed something seriously needed to stop. But as much as I tried we would always end up back to the stupid games. I felt so ashamed in what I had done, he said "I was good, really good" he would boost my confidence. Now I know why, he just wanted "banter" it wasn't fun though.
    One day my best friend was over and I burst out crying when he text me saying "free house tonight come over" I told my friend everything and she was very understanding but she told me something I did not want to hear. He had been doing this with loads of girls at my school, all the same make them feel special then get pleasure from them. As soon as I knew I confronted him and said I was hurt and done with him. He said I was different and that I did matter, I fell for it.
    Then a week before his 16th birthday he told me he would always be here for me but this all had to stop. I was so relieved but had never felt dirtier, it was truly over but now I've got to live with what I have done. Some days when I think about it, I feel like dying that I can't live with it, I've never self harmed though and never will. But I cry every night because of him. My friend says he abused me, manipulated me, is it true?was these past 6months abuse?

    Anonymous - 20/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Anonymous

      Thanks for your message. I am really glad you contacted us because I can hear how distressed you are about what has happened. Unfortunately, your friend is right. This boy manipulated and exploited not only you but other girls too it seems. I really want you to think about that because when you say that you are feeling 'dirty' remember this is not your fault. This is about what he did and and how he pressurised you into sharing some things about yourself that you did not feel really happy to share. What he has done is wrong and having those images on his phone or computer is actually against the law.

      If you take a look at this link
      http://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/14_plus/Need-advice/Selfies-and-sexting/ you will see that it has lots of advice about this as quite a number of young people have had an experience similar to yours. The link also has advice about how to have images removed if you think he still has them or intends to publish them.

      I am also really concerned about how this has left you feeling. I am glad that you were able to tell your friend and it seems that she has been really supportive. Is there anyone else you could talk to about this - perhaps a teacher your trust?If so they should be able to arrange for you to talk to someone (confidentially) about this so that you can start to feel better about yourself and move on and enjoy life again - this is possible. There are also helplines for young people that you could always call for example Childline 0800 1111 and the Young minds website on www.youngminds.org.uk has lots of useful information for young people who have thoughts of self harm. These thoughts and feelings can be quite common after the experience you have had but its also important to talk to people or contact these services if your feelings get worse or don't lessen with time.

      We have Live Chat sessions Mon - Fri 5 -7 if you think it would help to contact us

      take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 22/02/2014

  • Emily

    20/02/2014

    So basically since I was about 5 till 13/14 my dad use to hit me and push me around, sometimes he use to do it so hard i would have bright red hand prints left on me and bruises, my dad was an alcoholic and was more aggressive when he was drunk. He'd come in shouting and swearing, hitting me, my siblings and my mum. Almost a year ago my parents split up and I'm now currently living with my dad as my mum chucked me out. I'm terrified of him and he scares me every time he walks into the room, I've told my school this but they said as he's no longer abusing me they can't help, apparently I can't put my self into care, is this true? I have suffered from self harm for years now and my dad has tried to commit suicidle multiple times and this also scares me! Basically I just want done advice about care home or if the council can help me get my own place I'm 16 and haven't got a job but need to get away from my family soon as possible! Thank you.

    Emily - 20/02/2014

    Reply
    • Heya emily, I know how you feel chick, iv suffered this kind of abuse and many more kinds in my lifetime by so called friends, family and boyfriends and im only 18, people always saw me as a tough girl but they didnt know what was going on, behind closed doors, my dad used to be pretty violent only towards me though not my other 3 sisters and now a little bit to my youngest brother, you just gotta stick up for yourself like I learnt to, I told my dad that if he ever thouches me or anyone in my family ever again I was gonna hit him back, not exactly the best approach but it worked, he never layed a finger on us again, so keep ya chin up hunni things will get better x

      emily a f - 14/03/2014

    • Hi Emily,
      Thanks for your message. I’m sorry to hear things are so difficult and scary for you at the moment. I am really worried about you self harming, is this a way for you to cope with what is happening? If so you really need to speak to someone. Your father is still abusing you as say you are terrified every time he comes into the room and your school as a duty to safeguard you. Does your school know about you self harming?
      I would suggest you try to speak to the school again and explain that you’re a fearful of your father and if they are not already aware of you self harming then inform them. You could also contact your local children’s services who will be able to help you.
      Childline have a counselling service for children and young people you can call them on 0800 1111 or www.childline.org.uk
      We have live chat sessions on a Mon-Fri 5-7pm if you need more advice and information.
      Stay safe
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 22/02/2014

  • Catalina

    20/02/2014

    I've never been in a relationship that hasn't ended in domestic violence. Is it my fault? Do I drive all these men crazy that they feel they have no other option but to hurt me? My last relationship broke down just over a week ago when my boyfriend attacked me. He's tried to contact me and apologize about what happened but I've deleted and blocked his number and other forms of contact. He wrote me a really long note and posted it through my door about how dreadful he feels and how he is sorry and going to try and sort his life out, but i'm so familiar with the pattern of how this cycle generally works, the incident, the tears and crying and heartfelt apologies. when you forgive them after they promise it will never happen again, it always does. Despite knowing all of this part of me believes him or wants to believe him. I can't seem to let him go despite how badly he treated me. I'm so used to being in abusive relationships I feel I don't I don't know any better. Is it true what they say about "once a man hits a woman, he will always hit her"?

    Catalina - 20/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Catalina,
      Thanks for getting in touch. I’m sorry to hear that you have had numerous abusive relationships in your past and please believe me you are not responsible in any way of what has happened. Sometimes victims of abuse can become part of a cycle and meet people who are able to see their vulnerability and use this as a way to have power and control over them. We sometimes don’t see this as being controlling at first as when we have experienced abuse over a long period this can seem naturalbehaviour.
      I understand that you will love this person and want to believe him but like you have said how many times can someone do this to us before we see that it is wrong. You have been so brave to cut all contact with this person as this is a way that they can continue to control you. Abusers can not change their behaviour over night if this person really wants to change then he need to seek professional help.
      I would also suggest that you look for some support in either a support group or on 1-2-1. You can contact your local domestic abuse service or www.womensaid.org.uk can offer you advice and support.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 22/02/2014

  • Lauren

    20/02/2014

    I have been in an abusive relationship for a year, I feel as though I have done something to him to make him act the way how he does around me. He makes me feel so special and important at times then tells me hes going to change but he doesn't but I believe him and give him a second chance its hard to tell him to stop and saying no is even harder. ive told my friend and she has refured me to this site, due to understanding what I am going through. I cry a lot at night and I can not stop thinking about him, Im iin love with him and he clams hes in love with me but it doesn't feel that way when hes hitting me, I care for him a lot and wouldn't want anything to happen to him, im just scared that if I tell the police he will come after me again. I don't know what to do because of being scared of telling anyone it took me a few weeks to get in touch. I just want to know what do I do about this..:'(

    Lauren - 20/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lauren,
      Thank you for finding the courage to send us a message. Being in an abusive relationship is scary and also very confusing, we can often blame ourselves and think that it is something that we have done as our way to try and understand why our abusers are treating us this way. Perpetrators can be very cruel to us but they can also be very kind as you have mentioned there were times you felt so special, this is to give us hope that one day things we go back to the good times and our abusers will change and really mean it. However this is unlikely to happen and the abuse will continue and often become worse.
      It is so reassuring to know that you have a good friend who has supported you. I understand that you are scared of reporting the abuse and are worrying about what will happen to your partner but you must think of your own safety. There are services which can give you advice and support and also inform you of what options you have. I would suggest you contact www.womensaid.org.uk or contact them on the 24hour freephone number 0808 2000 247.
      We also have live chat sessions which are available Mon-Fri 5-7pm if you wanted to chat.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 22/02/2014

  • Charlotte

    20/02/2014

    I think my best friend is abusing me but not in a sexual way. She stops me from doing my homework, tells me to bully people and bunk off. I really want to stay her friend, What do I do? I have tried talking to her but she tells me to F off and shouts at me. But then after we've had an arguement she rings me up crying saying she wants to be my friend. She is nice when she wants to be. I also couldn't ignore or avoid her she walks the same way home as me, has the same classes, has added me as a friend on nearly everything social. Please help?

    Charlotte - 20/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Charlotte,
      Thank you for your message. I’m sad to hear that you’re having a tough time at the minute. Your friend sounds very controlling and is making you do things to hurt others and get you into trouble.
      Is there anyone else you could start to hang around with? Some schools have Peer Mentors who can offer support but if your school doesn’t have these then would you be able to speak to a teacher or learning mentor? If not I would suggest you contact you local Anti Bullying Service or www.beatbullying.org.uk
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 20/02/2014

  • Faye

    20/02/2014

    I don't know whether I am in an abusive relationship or not. I am so in love with him and I know he loves me too, but sometimes he makes me feel so worthless that it makes me forget about the times he makes me happy. He is controlling about what I do and where I go a lot of the time but then I feel like I am a bit controlling too just because I care about him. I hate the way he gets angry and I do get scared of him, he has never hit me but when he hits things around him or me when he is angry I get so scared that he will hit me. I do cry a lot, every day actually and that makes him more angry but I'm such an emotional person that sometimes even the way he speaks to me can make me cry. The thing is, he can make me the happiest girl in the world but also makes me feel the worst ugliest most horrible girl in the world too and I don't know how he does it. Yeah the majority of the time we have sex when I want it but there are times when he's pushy and a little bit forceful but I don't think anything of it. I don't really know what else to say apart from the fact I'm confused because I can't even describe the feeling when he makes me sad I even sometimes feel like life isn't worth living and I know that isn't right to feel like that in a relationship but I love him honestly so much and just want things to work but when I try and speak to him he can't take it seriously :(

    Faye - 20/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Faye,
      Thank you for getting in touch. It sounds like your having a really hard time in your relationship at the minute. It can be really difficult to understand the behaviour of someone who we love. I know you said that you have never been physically hurt but abuse does not always have to be physical. Your boyfriends behaviour is emotionally abusive and by him hitting things around you is a way to intimidate you and make you scared of him, very similar to the way a bully acts.
      It is important that you remember even in the best relationships people can say no to sex and our partners should understand and respect our wishes. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel respected, loved and safe in expressing your feelings and have these taking seriously. This is a healthy relationship.
      I know you have tried to speak to your boyfriend in the past but is there anyone else you could talk to, a friend or family member? I would suggest you contact www.womensaid.org for more information they can also give you advice and support.
      We also have our live chat sessions Mon-Fri 5-7pmif you wanted to talk more.
      Take car
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 20/02/2014

  • April

    20/02/2014

    Hey, ive been with my boyfriend for about nearly a year now and basically he puts me down alot he calls it 'banter' but i have explained that it hurts me and he calls it banter i should not take it to heart but some things i do. He also has tried telling me before that im better off without a certain group of friends and tried to turn me against my best friend. Whenever we have a argument aswell he never admits his in the wrong and then makes me feel bad by calling me names and i dont call him anything bad. Also when i let him down once or twice he goes mad yet always lets seeing me down, and im not to sure what to do about my relationship so i need some advice thankyou' x

    April - 20/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi April,
      Thanks for you message. The fact that you have been with your partner almost a year should mean that you can be honest about your feelings and for him to be able to understand and respect these. However this does not sound like this is what is happening in your relationship. Just because you are with someone does not mean that you should stop seeing your friends regardless of what your boyfriend’s opinion is of these people. Having relationship with your friends and family is equally as important as the relationship you have with your boyfriend.
      In a healthy relationship we should be able to express our feelings even if this is hard for the other person to hear but part of sharing these is for the other person to take on board what is being said and try to make changes of possible.
      I would recommend you contact www.womensaid.org.uk where you will find more information on emotional and verbal abuse. You can also contact them on their freephone number 0808 2000 247.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 20/02/2014

  • April

    19/02/2014

    I have been on and off with this guy for over a year. The first 6 months we were in an official relationship. At this time it wasn't too bad. We worked together at the time and this is where trouble began. He would treat me different to the rest of the staff, he would get me to do more jobs, be more hard on me, and would go against my wishes. It progressed to him saying things that made me uncomfortable all the time. When he was drunk he was at his worst, he would become violent. I eventually ended the relationship and he made life at work even more difficult. A few months later I met someone else. He was everything I could ever wish for. We didn't get as far as an official relationship because of one night. I was at a birthday party and my ex was there. I was already really drunk before I arrived at the party but I proceeded to drink. The last thing I remember was my ex getting into a taxi back to my flat. The next thing I remember is him I too of me, having sex with me, quite violently and no idea what to do or say. I just lay there, let him carry on until he was done. I realised what had happened and cried for 2 hours until I fell asleep. All I could think is what this other guy would think of me and was it my fault? I still think this now. Someone who knew this other guy saw me go home with my ex and told him before I could explain. He said I cheated and I agreed because I really didn't know what else to say. It wasn't till recently I told this guy the truth but I left it that long he doesn't believe me. After this had happened this is when I changed. It was like I was under his power. Whenever he said he was coming round I would just accept and let him do what ever. Many a time I have cried after sex with my ex. I have tried to stop him coming but he always seems to win and I can't say no. Just this weekend he took my keys when I was at work. He went back to his own house and I was left locked outside my flat in the cold. I told his brother, he found them and dropped them over for me. I told myself and my parents that it was it this time but what if it isn't? I feel so trapped and all I want is to be confident again and move on.

    April - 19/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi April,
      Thank you for being so brave and getting in touch. I’m sorry to hear about what is happening to you but please believe this NONE of this is your fault. You said that first time that this happened you were drunk our law states that if a person is drunk they are unable to give their consent. He is also forcing you into having sex which is illegal and he should be held accountable for his actions. Your ex-partner has an enormous amount of control over you and this is evident in him locking you out of your own home.
      Have you spoken to anyone about this? I would strongly recommend that you speak out to someone about what is happening to you. There are a number of services such as www.rapecrisis.org.uk ,their helpline number is 0808 802 9999 (12-2.30pm, 7-9.30pm) or www.womensaid.org.uk , 0808 2000 247 which can offer you advice and support.
      We offer live chat sessions if you would like to come and speak to us Mon-Fri 5-7pm.
      Stay safe
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 20/02/2014

  • Jayne

    19/02/2014

    I came out of an abusive relationship about 3 months ago and I am still finding it hard to trust people and let them in and struggle to cope with physical contact with people I don't know. It's effecting my life as I am struggling to get my life back on track any help will be very much appreciated.

    Jayne - 19/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Jayne,

      Thank you for your message.
      Domestic abuse can have a devastating impact ion a person’s life and can still affect hem when they have left their abuser and the abuse has stopped.. Many victims struggle to start over again and find it difficult to begin to trust and allow others to get to know us.
      I would recommend you contact your local domestic abuse service who can offer you support to help you move forward. You can also contact www.womensaid.org.uk or call them on their freephone number 0808 2000 247 (24hours).
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 20/02/2014

  • Sarah

    19/02/2014

    Two months back my friend had a party, i got a little tipsy and went for a lie down, this boy came in and started touching me up and down he tried to put his hand down my leggings, i told him to stop 2 or 3 times but he wouldn't. He only stopped when someone came in. Is this sexual assult? also i couldn't get an std or anything like that can i?

    Sarah - 19/02/2014

    Reply
  • paige

    19/02/2014

    this boy ive been talking to this boy for a LONG time and he made me send him pictures and if i didnt he would get really angry and not talk to me for days so i kept sending them to him. he saved them onto his phone and we fell out. he has been sending these pictures to everyone and is now will not stop calling me and being horrible to me and i dont know what to do anymore my friends tell me what he is doing is wrong but its my fault as i send them to him what do i do:(

    paige - 19/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Paige,
      Thank you for your message. I can hear how upsetting this is for you. You felt pressured into sending pictures to a person you thought you could trust and now he has used those pictures to hurt you. This is abuse and it is not ok and it is not your fault. You are not coping alone with this anymore.
      I don’t know how old you are, but do you have anyone you could talk to about this? Family or a teacher? This won’t go away on its own and you may need some support. You might want to look here for more information on what you can do to get help in this situation. You have been brave to cope alone with this so far without the support of your friends.
      http://www.childline.org.uk/Explore/OnlineSafety/Pages/Sexting.aspx

      We have a live chat from 5-7 on the site and you can speak to someone if you feel you like to discuss this more.

      Take care,
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 21/02/2014

  • Milly

    19/02/2014

    I was in an abusive relationship when I was at school. He was 23. He started by changing the way I dressed and controlling who I spoke to. I wasn't allowed makeup if he wasn't with me. He cemented his control by forcing me to engage in sexual activity I was not ready for and didn't want. He also raped me. I was only with him for 7 months, which shows how quickly this type of thing can happen. After I managed to break free of him, he stalked me for years - the last time he tried to find me, it was 10 years after I escaped him. I am still scared of him and I am now in my 30s. I have seen the 'thisisabuse' campaign and it has brought things back to me - but it is so important that young women recognise abusive behaviour and get help as soon as they can. I wish this had been around when I was at school...

    Milly - 19/02/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Milly,
      Thank you so much for sharing your story with people reading the site. You went through something very traumatic as teenager and I can hear how much this has affected you. What happened to you was abuse and rape and both are serious crimes. You have been really strong to post here.
      You say you are still frightened and it’s not surprising. You went through a lot over a very long period of time and this will have an effect on a person. Have you had any support for what you went through? If you have not had anyone to talk to about this I would encourage you to call Rape Crisis. They are confidential helpline and who work with women and girls who have experienced sexual violence. They will be able to talk with you about your experience and how this may be affecting you. You can reach them on 0808 802 9999 (12-2.30pm, 7-9:30pm).
      Thank you again for sharing your story and your comments on the campaign, we really appreciate it.
      Take care,
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 21/02/2014

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Treat everyone with respect – even if someone has a different view to your own, don't let it get personal.

Don't glamorise illegal or dangerous activities, including violence of any kind. It's ok to talk about your experiences but you shouldn't encourage others to do anything illegal or dangerous.

Don't write anything that's untrue about anyone else (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers, group leaders and famous people). Don't write anything that could harm anyone else's reputation.

This isn't a dating site – it's a platform to talk about teenage relationship abuse and your opinions on the matter; don't use it to meet or flirt with other people.

Don't write everything in CAPS – it's the equivalent of shouting and isn't polite or easy for everyone to read.

Don't post entire messages in text speak – it's ok to shorten some words but not everyone understands text speak or finds it easy to read.

It's ok to post links to other websites as long as they're relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate and don't break the house rules in any way.

Don't break copyright rules. This means that you shouldn't post text you didn't write.