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This is ABUSE

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Results: 300 - 315 of 2107

  • Taylor

    11/02/2014

    Basically we get on a lot but when we argue over stupid things.. Such as not replying quick enough, our arguements get very abusive.. Such as name calling and hitting .. I've never told anyone due to they would stop me seeing him.. Give me advice please?

    Taylor - 11/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Taylor

      thanks for getting in touch with us and I can understand that you feel confused and worried. It can be very hard to weigh up the pros and cons of a relationship but as you are already aware physical and emotional abuse is unacceptable and leaves someone feeling sad and mixed up about what to do.

      I know you are worried about talking to someone but it is important that you try and get some support for yourself. If you can't talk to your parents or family maybe a close friend, teacher or someone like that could help instead. Just having someone to share this with will help you not feel so alone. We also offer live chat sessions Mon - Fri 5 -7 if you wanted to talk to us instead.

      A good site for young people to look at about healthy and unhealthy relationships is www.respectnotfear.co.uk. Looking at this may help you think a bit more about what the benefits would be of remaining in this relationship. Its important to feel safe both physically and emotionally when you are in a close and intimate relationship with someone and it does not sound as though this is always how it is for you. There is also a book you might like to read called In Love and In danger by Barrie Levy which you could ask the local library to order for you or get online.

      I hope that helps as a starting point but please do come back to us or contact us on Live chat if you want more information or advice

      Take Care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 12/02/2014

  • Charlotte

    11/02/2014

    When I say or do something that my boyfriend finds annoying he pokes me in the side, back, and thighs - all areas that he knows are incredibly sensitive because of a ........... condition that I have. I don't know if he is just forgetting, being a jerk or if it really is abuse. It happens a lot. He is really sweet most of the time and my family thinks he is a great guy for me. He is also a bit sexually aggressive - if I say no he pulls my hair and tries to get me to perform oral sex on him. Honestly this is my first physically intimate relationship so I just don't know if this is normal...

    Charlotte - 11/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Charlotte

      Thanks for getting in touch with us. I can see that this is pretty confusing for you but what you are describing by your boyfriend is actually abuse. It can be hard to work out if something is intentional or not but if he knows that you have a condition that gives you pain then he should be respecting that and looking out for you.He definitely shouldn't be poking you in areas that he knows will hurt you.

      The sexual aggression is also not acceptable. An intimate relationship should be based on trust and respect which does not involve aggression. This must be very difficult for you to cope with. Have you anyone you can talk to about this because its important that you have some emotional support for yourself.

      It may be helpful if you look at the website www.respectnotfear.co.uk which is especially for young people and is all about healthy and unhealthy relationships. It may give you some ideas in relation to working out what is normal or acceptable and what is not. You have a right to be safe and not treated in this way. It can be hard to understand this when you also probably have feelings for your boyfriend but you need to weigh up what you are getting from the relationship that makes it worthwhile for you.There is also another site (it's and American one) about dating violence for young people. Its www.loveisnotabuse.com

      Try and take a look at those sites and if you feel it would be helpful to talk to one of us then we have live chat sessions Mon -Fri 5 -7

      I hope that helps as a staring point

      Take care

      Linda

      This is Abuse team 11/02/2014

  • Alex

    11/02/2014

    I have done bad to my ex but i have been to lessons and have changed for her and ready to be a better man for her how do i show her that because i know deep down she still has feelings for me?

    Alex - 11/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Alex
      Thanks for your message. It is fantastic that you have admitted that you were abusive in the past and have had some support to change your behaviour.

      It is very likely that your ex does still have feelings for you as it is hard to stop loving someone, even if they are abusive. However, you may have to accept that she will not want to get back together with you - and that is absolutely her right. Even if she does care about you and believes that you have changed, when someone we care about was abusive to us it can take a very long time (if ever) before we are ready to have anther relationship with anyone, yet alone that same person.

      I think you need to give her some space and not put any pressure on her at all. It is her decision if she wants to get back with you, but if that did happen I would want her to have a lot of support and if you felt like you wanted to be abusive again you would need to make sure you got support and did not let things escalate. If you ever need to talk, respect have a great phoneline: http://www.respect.uk.net/pages/get-help.html
      freephone 0808 802 4040

      I know this is hard but I hope this helps
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 12/02/2014

  • R

    11/02/2014

    I went out for a few drinks last weekend with a few of my old friends. It was a chance for us to get together and regain the friendship we used to have. I didnt invite my boyfriend out because I wanted to spend time with old friends not new ones or him. He keeps getting funny with this and keeps bringing up how my ex was invited and not him. He starts arguments over what I was wearing and says he is upset with who i wore it for not what i wore when I only wore what I did for myself so I could gain the confidence. After this recently he accuses me of being with someone else because I dont reply to his texts straight away or i dont reply cause i have fallen asleep. And now anything he brings up or causes and argument for is all my fault and im always the one in the wrong. I dont really do anything wrong or at least I dont think I do and yet everything still gets thrown back my way. we are both 18 and I love him to peices but I dont know what I should do about all the arguing because nothing I ever do is ever right in his eyes. when we spend time together it is great we have a laugh and we get along with no arguing but a day after he will find another argument to start and he will do it all over text. if hes isnt getting funny over what I am doing its because I cant see him on the weekend. I know we dont have to spend every waking moment together but he doesnt seem to understand that. i just needed a bit of advive on what to do about this sort of situation. x

    R - 11/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi R
      Thanks for your message.
      It sounds like your boyfriend is being very emotionally abusive and also very controlling. It is not ok for him to try to tell you who you can and can't see or what you should wear etc. These are not things that should happen in a healthy, respectful relationship. You have the right to see who you want, when you want and should not feel pressured to reply to texts instantly.

      I understand that you love him, but what is happening is not ok and I worry that things will only get worse unless he is able to admit he is wrong and takes responsibility for changing his behaviour. However, it is not your responsibility to make him realise that.

      I think you need to decide if this is really a relationship that you want to be in. The majority of guys will not treat you like this. I know it is a hard decision to make. There is some advice here: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/relationship/

      It is also a good idea to talk to other people about what has been going on - friends or family, or someone else that you trust, as it will keep you safer and help you to work out how you are feeling.
      We also have a live chat from 5-7pm mon-fri if you want to talk to us.

      take care
      jo

      This is Abuse team - 12/02/2014

  • Corrie

    10/02/2014

    I love the fact that there has been a significant increase in rape awareness. I was raped 4 years ago, and have recovrred in my own time. U am in a place where I am fine to talk about it now, and have moved on, but i understand that this is not the case for many oher victims. It is amazing that the awareness is being raised... victims need to understand that there is help out there; not only for them to get immediate help, but also a help for their future to recover with help and also independently. I feel that I had to find my own ways to recover, but it would be great for others to have help, which I feel I could have benefited from. I hope other people will benefit from this new wider awareness initiative!

    Corrie - 10/02/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Corrie,

      Thank you so much for sharing your message of encouragement. I am really sorry that you went through this experience. You are right, different people may recover in different ways and need support at different times.

      Rape Crisis offer immediate and long term support for women and girls who have experienced any form of sexual violence.

      www.rapecrisis.org.uk 0808 802 9999

      Take Care,

      Brian

      This is Abuse team 11/02/2014

  • Ellie

    10/02/2014

    I'm verry confused at the moment , I love my boyfriend and happy with him but a lot of the time I feel like I'm on edge like if I say or do anything wrong when I haven't done anything wrong, also a disagreement with a friend where she made up saying to my friends he makes me unhappy when I haven't said anything like that what's caused a spilt between me and a friend and I feel like he's making me choose I also get constly accused when I'm out if I'm with other boys when I'm with the girls it's also hard to make time for everyone and I feel like I'm in the wrong either way what I do it's tearing me up on the inside I can hardly cope

    Ellie - 10/02/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Ellie,

      Thanks for putting your message up. It must be confusing to feel that you love someone and at the same time on edge and worried.

      I am sorry that you have fallen out with your friend too. Is it possible that they were worried for you?

      You mention that your boyfriend accuses you of being with other boys when you are out with your girlfriends; surely it is up to you who you keep as friends boys or girls? You said you feel like your boyfriend is making you choose between him and your friends and I think you are right to be uncomfortable about this.

      I think it is a good idea to talk with someone who you trust about this. An adult friend or perhaps a ChildLine counsellor 0800 1111. You can also chat with an advisor here from 5pm-7pm Monday to Friday.

      Take Care,

      Brian

      This is Abuse team 11/02/2014

  • Alex

    10/02/2014

    I love the website. But i've found it only is based around violent relationships or sexual abuse, and doesn't mention a lot about emotion or mental abuse or what to do when you recieve it. There doesn't seem to be enough help avaliable, just information on what, but not telling you how to deal with these problems

    Alex - 10/02/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Alex,

      Thanks for your post. Many people experience domestic violence without ever being hurt physically. Sometimes they’re not sure if what is happening to them is even abuse. They worry that no-one will take them seriously if they talk about it.

      If you need to change the way you behave to keep your partner happy it is worth talking with someone about whether you are experiencing abuse.

      Emotional abuse can be just as harmful as physical abuse. It often leads to physical violence over time.

      You can access services locally by contacting Women’s Aid. www.womensaid.org.uk

      Take Care,
      Brian

      This is Abuse team 10/02/2014

  • R

    09/02/2014

    My close friend is 14 and she was going out with a 18 year old till he told her that he kissed her bestfriend,they split up but he wants her back even knowing what he has done,ive told her to just move on because of all the lies and upset he had made towards her,he keeps asking her for picturesand when she doesnt send them he either splits up with her or ignores her and she keeps sending him them,ive told her that he is using her but she wont listen but she is madly in love she wants him back what shall i do?

    R - 09/02/2014

    Reply
    • HI R,

      Because your friend is 14 she is breaking the law by sending these pictures, and her boyfriend is breaking the law by asking for them. It is considered sending child pornography and her boyfriend can get in a lot of trouble for it.

      It sounds like she needs some help and support at the moment, and I'm really glad she has got you to talk to and look out for her. But it might be helpful to talk to an adult that you trust about what has been happening.

      It is not your friends fault, the man she is dating is considered an adult and is behaving very irresponsibly, and is breaking the law.

      It might be helpful to talk to a parent, or an adult at school that you trust. Or your friend can contact Childline on 0800 1111 for some more advice and support.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 10/02/2014

  • Callum

    09/02/2014

    im a 9 yr old boy someone asked me for were i lived he said he was gonna rape me i dont know what that menas i have special needs and he made jokes about me please HELP ME !!!!!

    Callum - 09/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Callum,

      This sounds like it could be serious, you might want to think about talking to an adult that you trust about what happened. It might be helpful to tell a parent, or a teacher that you trust about this.

      If you see this person again, or you feel that you are at risk of this happening then you can call the Police on 999.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 10/02/2014

  • gary

    09/02/2014

    My female partner of 10 years has mentally abused me over the past 2 years.we have a 6 year old daughter I love and today she has seen me finally break down and cry.i work 65 hours a wk, partner hasnt worked in 10 years.help me, who can I talk to

    gary - 09/02/2014

    Reply
    • HI Gary,

      Thanks for contacting us. It would be really helpful for you to talk to someone about the abuse you have experienced, so it might be helpful to contact the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327. They offer advice and support for men who have experienced violence or abuse. They may also be able to put you in contact with a local support service.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 10/02/2014

  • Jamie

    09/02/2014

    My bf kicked my in the nose on purpose because he's adicted to sex and sometimes I didn't even want to but he forsed me he kicked my in the nose and he's punched me and I don't know what to do

    Jamie - 09/02/2014

    Reply
    • HI Jamie,

      It sounds like you're in a really abusive relationship. Nobody should use violence against another, his actions were completely unacceptable.

      Nobody should be demanding sex from you, it is your choice, and if your partner is using physical force when he is not getting sex then this must be awful for you. It is your body and you have the right to say no, and if your partner is forcing himself on to you then this is rape.

      Have you talked to anybody about what has been happening? There are lots of services out there that can help, you could contact your local domestic abuse service and you can find this by calling the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247. You may also wish to report his behaviour to the Police. What he is doing is not ok, and is breaking the law, and the Police will be able to keep you as safe as possible.

      If you want to talk being forced to perform sexual acts that you didn't want to then you can call Rape Crisis if you are female on 0808 802 9999, or Survivors UK on 0845 122 1201 if you are male.

      We are also running Live Chat from the website Monday to Friday 5pm until 7pm if you would like to talk to us about what has happened.

      I really hope you access some help or advice as it must be a tough time for you.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 10/02/2014

  • Julie

    09/02/2014

    It's so hard to know if it's abuse. He tells me that he is not trying to control me, he just wants me to be happy but just the fact that we are having to discuss it makes me confused. He is giving up drinking and says that therefore there will be no more drunken arguments. Does that mean that there was something wrong when alcohol was involved? This is the first weekend without alcohol but I spent Friday evening with my sister. I started to get texts saying that he felt sad that he wasn't having fun with us and he never would be able to again. Is this him trying to be the centre of attention? Trying to make me feel bad? He said everything was ok but yesterday we had to sit for 2 hours analysing behaviours and feelings. I just don't know what is going on?

    Julie - 09/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Julie,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like a tough situation, but a situation that is being addressed. Only you can know how you are feeling, and it has clearly felt abusive and controlling to you at times.

      It is a good sign that he has given up alcohol if arguments were happening when he was drinking, but he can't use this as an excuse to make you feel bad.

      It would be really helpful to explore a little bit more about what has been happening in your relationship, so I think it would be helpful for you to come and have a talk with us on Live Chat from the site, Monday to Friday 5pm-7pm or you can call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 10/02/2014

  • Jane

    09/02/2014

    I'm disabled and my carer/partner has been both physically and verbally abusive, he also bullies me and tries to isolate me in social situations. My GP just says if you are in danger call the police when I said I'm frightened of him.

    Jane - 09/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Jane,

      Thanks for getting in contact. Being disabled adds more risk to abuse in relationships, and like you have pointed out it can lead to an increased risk of isolation.

      Your GP was right, if you are in danger then always call 999. But he should have also given you the number for your local domestic abuse service. If your partner is always with you then it might be difficult to access the support, but they are often very good at meeting clients at appointments or day centres where your partner might not be present.

      You can find your local domestic abuse service on Google, or by contacting the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      I'm really glad you have reached out for some support. What is happening is not acceptable, and there are services out there that can support you.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 09/02/2014

  • Christine

    08/02/2014

    My son is 17 and has been with his girlfriend on and off for the past 3 years, but more consistent the last year. We were led to believe she had a terrible time at home with her parents and left to live with a relation at 13, when this relation died she was going to become homeless and have to be put in temporary accommodation so we thought this was unfair and asked her to come and stay with us until things got sorted out. This situation opened our eyes and we became very aware of a very unhealthy relationship. To cut a long story short things became very difficult with her in our home and she moved out to stay with an aunt, but she frequently came to stay at our house which became very apparent to us that my son was not really allowed to do anything other than be with her. We overheard some hideous arguments with her screaming and shouting and accusing my son of cheating even though he never leaves the house unless it's to work or with her. We barred her from the house after this which has just made things even worse. She waits outside his work, she has bitten him, punched and scratched him and stood asking for him to hit her back so she can get him in trouble, she has locked him inside her house and won't let him leave, he is so not himself and doesn't really know what to do, she threatens to do all sorts and he feels completely trapped, she has manipulated our family and friend, pulling the wool over our eyes and plays the victim card very well, I'm just scared my son will crack under the strain or even worse this crazy person is going to physically seriously harm my child, any help or advice would be great fully appreciated

    Christine - 08/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Christine,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It is really difficult to watch someone we love experience abuse, and it sounds like it has been traumatic for you.

      The issue is that he is the only person that can decide he wants to address this, and if he does then he might want to contact the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327. They also have a lot of great information on their website, www.mensadviceline.org.uk. They have a 32 page booklet that you can download and print out, and It might be helpful to read through this with him.

      My concern is that none of this is probably being reported to the Police, and if something were to happen, or she were to make a false allegation then he won't have any evidence of the contrary, so that might be something to keep in mind.

      You are also welcome to call the helpline above to talk about what is going on, and to find out what options are available for your son.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 09/02/2014

  • Charlotte

    08/02/2014

    My boyfriend has always had a online porn addiction he stopped watching the DVDs when he got a context phone I told him it made me feel not good enough and he continued to do it and try to hide it, he then joined facebook and added only girls with big boobs and pictures of then in there underwear and then would send them crude messages .ie I'm rubbing myself looking at your pictures, I caught him we broke up he begged me to give him another chance, I did this was 2 years ago, we broke up a year ago due to too much arguing and he begged me for another chance after faking suicide to emotionally blackmail me, he said give me till Christmas to prove he can stop going on facebook and I caught him 2 weeks before Christmas sending messages commenting on pictures sending pictures of himself to loads of girls, he begged me for another chance I gave him another chance and just found out his doing it again, we have got 4 children together and we are both on the tenancy I know this is mental abuse, he tells me it's only chatting and he would never cheat but that's not the point he makes me feel useless I did try to end my life 2 months ago but failed, I have no where to take the kids otherwise I would leave I need help

    Charlotte - 08/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Charlotte,

      It sounds like a really horrible situation, nobody should be treated by their partner in this way, it is completely disrespectful.

      It must be scary feeling like you have nowhere to go, but there are services out there that can help. There is a really useful page here on what you can do if you want to leave. http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100320002

      You other option is that you have him removed from the property by getting a Non-Molestation and Occupation Order and there is more about these orders here; http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100330002

      There are lots of specialist services that can support you, and I hope it doesn't come to the point where you feel you have to take your life again. But it might be helpful to talk to your GP about how you are feeling at the moment. You can also talk to the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      I really hope you access some support, and that you feel strong enough to remove that man from your life, so that he can't cause you any more damage and upset.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 09/02/2014

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Results: 300 - 315 of 2107

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