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This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

HAVE YOUR SAY

Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships or ask a question to one of our trained advisors

If you've got something you'd like to talk about regarding any kind of relationship abuse, come and Have Your Say on our message board. And if you’re worried about anything to do with abuse, whether it’s in your own relationship or a friend’s, you can ask one of our trained experts for advice.

Have a read through the discussion boards, the chances are you'll be able to talk with someone who's gone through similar experiences to your own.

Seen the ads? What do you think?

  • Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape

    [71 comments]

  • Abuse in relationships isn’t always physical

    [134 comments]

  • Would you recognise abuse if you saw it?

    [21 comments]

  • Emotional Abuse

    [72 comments]

  • Controlling Behaviour

    [5 comments]

  • SPOT THE SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A FRIEND’S RELATIONSHIP

    [10 comments]

  • Mandem On The Wall

    A trio of friends meet at the place they love to jam - The Wall. Tinie Winie has a new girlfriend and with advice from the Mandem crew learns how to treat her with respect. The trouble is he gets it wrong and ends up becoming someone he doesn't want to be....

    [134 comments]

  • Twist and Pulse

    Twist and Pulse visit George Mitchell school to perform their latest dance routine for the pupils and talk to them to see if they are in the know about relationships.

    [0 comments]

  • Charlie McDonnell

    Watch Charlie McDonnell’s video about Sex, and most importantly, about Consent.

    [0 comments]

  • Bedroom

    Is controlling who a partner sees or speaks to abuse?

    [156 comments]

  • Liam & Beth - Recognise abuse when you see it

    [8 comments]

  • Ryan & Jade - Recognise abuse when you see it

    [5 comments]

  • Sam & Alice

    [12 comments]

  • If you could see yourself

    Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.

    [538 comments]

  • Zoe's story

    Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.

    [538 comments]

  • Party

    Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?

    [100 comments]

  • School

    Is bullying, controlling and putting a partner down abuse?

    [79 comments]

  • Takeaway

    Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?

    [169 comments]

TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS

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Experts from Young People’s Services of Respect and AVA are reading and responding to posts on the site, to ensure that responses are independent, sensitive and helpful.

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Results: 285 - 300 of 2036

  • Ash

    01/02/2014

    So I'm in a new relationship, its all going well, and i managed to help my boyfriend out of some stuff (regarding soft drugs) and I tried my best, he says i have helped yet he blames occasions on relapses and recently (last 3 weeks or so) he has veen saying how he feels this is all too good to he true, he wabts to go through my phone and messages and I want to let him, I love him so much i just wabna prove to him I'm not doing anyrhing behind his back :/ but i dont know what to do please help :(

    Ash - 01/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Ash,

      Thanks for your comment. It sounds like a really difficult time.

      I am quite concerned about your boyfriend's controlling behaviour, as these things tend to escalate, so at the moment he wants to read your texts, but next he might not want you seeing certain friends, or wearing certain items of clothing.

      If he wants to address it then he can get help, the Respect Phoneline can talk him through why his behaviour is not acceptable and challenge some of the views that he might have, their number is 0808 802 4040, they also have a lot of great information on their website, www.respectphoneline.org.uk, including a leaflet on managing jealousy.

      However, my biggest concern is whether you are being supported or not. It might be helpful for you to talk to friends or family about his behaviour. Just in case things change or get worse, it means that they can look out for you. You can also talk to us, we are running a Live Chat service 5pm-7pm Monday to Friday, or you can call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247 if you have got any worries or would like to talk about this in a little bit more detail.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 02/02/2014

  • Jodie

    01/02/2014

    I've been in my relationship 7 years and married nearly 3, past year or so we just constantly argue, he hates me being friends with my male friends, constantly puts me down and isn't very helpful when it comes to financial difficulties :( we have a 3 year old boy an many times he's gets angry so quickly an even called him a life sentence, how do I get out of it I'm scared

    Jodie - 01/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Jodie,

      Thanks for coming forward and talking about this. It sounds like a really horrible situation to be in, and I'm glad that you can see that the best thing to do for you and your son is to leave. It seems like your partner is really controlling, and you are clearly scared of him. Fear is never acceptable in a relationship.

      This link takes you to the Women's Aid website and talks about how to leave as safely as possible, http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100310005 and this link talks through where you could go and housing options. http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100320002

      There are a lot of services out there that can help you, so don't feel that you have to do this all on your own. Something that you might consider is if there is somewhere you can go for a day or two, a parent's house or a friends house. Then I would recommend getting in contact with your local domestic abuse service, you can find them on google, or by contacting the national helpline on 0808 2000 247, they will be able to support you through all of this.

      If you would like any legal advice around your son, child contact or anything like that then you might also want to call the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 802 0008, it is a free legal advice service.

      If you feel that you are in danger then call 999.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 02/02/2014

  • S.E.A

    01/02/2014

    I have helped people who have been in really difficult and abusive relationships but I would like to make it known that it really isn't just girls who get the abuse. Boys, if this has happened to you, or you've been in difficult situations, please don't be shy or troubled. There are always people to help for both sexes. The media presents a strong image about abuse towards females, but it can happen to males too. For both genders, if abuse has happened, or if you are worried about something, do not hesitate to ask for support from this website, your parents, childline and others who you can trust. I know its hard, I have been there, but once you talk to someone it can help you greatly.

    S.E.A - 01/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi S.E.A,

      Thanks for your comment. I understand that the two recent adverts highlight women as victims, but you are correct, there can be male victims and female perpetrators of both domestic abuse and sexual violence.

      There are some really helpful services out there that can guide and support male victims of both of these crimes, the Men's Advice Line, 0808 801 0327, offers advice and support for men experiencing domestic abuse, their website is www.mensadviceline.org.uk. Survivors UK offers a service for men who have experienced sexual assault and rape, 0845 122 1201, their website is www.survivorsuk.org.

      Thanks for your comment,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 02/02/2014

  • Lauren

    01/02/2014

    Hi my name is Lauren I was in relationship 3 years ago when my ex tried forcing me in to it I felt like I couldant say no but lucky that he did not get inside me cause I was not in that mood does that mean anything?

    Lauren - 01/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lauren,

      Thanks for getting in touch. I'm really glad that you are out of the relationship now, it must have been really horrible for you.

      Nobody has the right to pressure you in to doing something you don't want to do, and if somebody is pressuring you to have sex or perform sexual acts on them then this is technically rape.

      It is your body, and you can do what you like, but it is also your right to say no when you don't want something, and if somebody wants to have sex with you then you do have to physically say yes to them for it to be consensual.

      It is really important that you may say yes because you feel under pressure, but if you have sex with someone because they pressure you, or nag you, or you feel bullied in to it in any way then that is not ok, and it is considered sexual assault or rape.

      I'm glad you're no longer in the relationship anymore, but if you wanted to talk to us about it then we are running private live chats Monday to Friday, 5pm until 7pm. There is also a lot of information on the Rape Crisis website about consent, www.rapecrisis.org.uk.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 02/02/2014

  • Charley

    01/02/2014

    I liked an older boy and he knew that and abused my trust and raped me I told my mum and dad and the police but I'm scared and really worried everyday still

    Charley - 01/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Charley,

      I'm really sorry to hear about your experience, it must have been awful for you. It is never acceptable to force something in to doing something they don't want to do.

      I'm really glad that you told your parents and the Police, it is really helpful to have someone to support you through this, and it is so important that these incidents are reported to the Police so that people can be held accountable for their actions. The Police could also help you with keeping safe.

      There are some services out there that might be able to advise you on feeling safer, as well as putting you in contact with some groups or therapy services that might be able to help. You can contact Rape Crisis on 0808 802 9999.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 01/02/2014

  • LALA

    31/01/2014

    Im no longer in the relationship but my partner constantly put me down that I now have no confidence in myself. I want to get the old me back. How do you build your confidence back up when for years someone has told you that youre overweight (I was a size 10), you shouldnt smile too much cause your lines are getting worse, how you have a terrible laugh when chatting to your friends over the phone, how you are pulling faces when watching tv or how you make noises and move in yr sleep. He didnt like any of it and dug me out every day. I was watching my every move in the end. I was always so confident before. He didnt like if I met friends unless it was just a local meal for couple hrs. He rang me 10 times a day at work about nothing. I hated myself.

    LALA - 31/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lala,

      Thank you for your message. It takes a lot of courage to share what has happened to you and ask for support. I’m happy you have felt able to here.

      You say you are no longer in an abusive relationship, but the after effects are still with you and it is affecting your confidence now. That’s not surprising as you have been through a lot of verbal abuse, control and being put down. You have had to be really strong. What has happened to you has not been your fault you deserve some support to assist you to heal.

      Have you had any support for what you have been through? Have you been able to talk about it with family or friends? If not I would encourage you to have a look at this website for support in your local area. www.womensaid.org.uk. You may need counselling to help you regain some of your confidence, or just to discuss what the effects of your ex’s abuse has been. The loss of confidence is really common when people have gone through abuse, the more support you have the easier it will be for you to recover.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 31/01/2014

  • louise

    31/01/2014

    Hey, me & my partner have a few disagreements but lately if I say anything or have my opinion in anything all I get is your over thinking... you've got a split personality and calls my mental state of mind! He's been doing it for about 4 months now! I can't even make changes to any plans without there being a big kick off and there being a massive argument where I'm accused of all sorts and told I have mental issues or I'm speaking from my split personality! He's constantly asking am I speaking to Louise this time or boris! I'm at breaking point! I get suspicious of him because he's slated me all over facebook after an argument where all of his family have joined in so god knows what he has told them and every so often he messages other girls through fb and instead of letting me go n calm down after an argument he makes me stay in the room or car im in and tells me to snap out of it and that i'm over thinking have mental health issues! Yeah i'm not perfect either because I get pushed to breaking point n at this point want to throw things, not at him or I want to just pull on my hair! I have alot of close friends who i'm sure would tell me if i'm not right! I try n meet him in the middle n he accuses me of stuff! I don't know if I get accused of cheating n lieing because he's doing it or because he's that i secure himself! He never use to let me go out and even still if I want to there's arguments n I have to battle to go out with my friends! If we have an argument he's telling someone everything n tells them to contact me n I get abuse or different people because of the storys they have been told! I'm litrally at breaking point! I've told him I want to end the relationship and i've been talked down to and told he will get me help n that its someone else talking not louise!!! Please tell me if I do need help from my doctors regarding mental health or if I need to stick by my words and leave him! Thanks xx

    louise - 31/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Louise,

      Thanks for coming forward to talk about this. It sounds like a really horrible situation to be in.

      Unfortunately, we can't tell you what to do, but we can give you options. The choice is yours to make.

      It sounds like your partner is using some really controlling methods of abuse on you, and making you feel like you're crazy, or have mental health issues is very common. My concern would be that he is saying this to you so much that it is making you believe that it might be true. If you do have some serious concerns then you can talk to your GP, but from what you have said it seems more likely that this is just a tactic he is using.

      It seems like it might be helpful for you to talk to somebody a little bit more about what has been happening. You could talk to us on Live Chat Monday to Friday 5pm-7pm or call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      I think you are aware that there are issues in your relationship, and I am glad you are looking at how to take the next step.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 31/01/2014

  • Georgia

    30/01/2014

    I'm 17 and have recently entered my first serious relationship after a traumatic event happened when i was 15. First we were great and now he's being mean, calling me names, watching when I text, saying if you love me you would, he thinks I'm in love with my guy friends, also when he tries to touch me inappropriately I have to move away to get him to stop. I want to leave him but he said he'll kill himself and lately I'm so scared that he's going to try to make me have sex with him and I don't know what to do

    Georgia - 30/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Georgia,

      Thank you for getting in touch, I'm really glad you did. The way he is behaving is completely unacceptable, and it is not your fault.

      It is really important to remember that he is in charge of his own actions. He is choosing to behave that way. It is unlikely that he would self harm if you were to leave him, but if he did then it is still not your responsibility. If he treated you with the respect and dignity that you deserved then he wouldn't be in this position.

      Nobody has the right to do something you don't want to do, and you legally have to say yes for sex to be consensual, and if you do not physically say yes then his actions are rape. If he does things other than penetrate you that you don't want to happen then it is classed as sexual assault and both of these are punishable by law.

      It sounds like you are aware that you don't want to be in this relationship anymore, so I think the next step is to think about ending it safely without putting yourself in any risk. It might be helpful for you to talk to us on Live Chat. We are running this Monday to Friday 5pm until 7pm. Alternatively you can call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 31/01/2014

  • Erik

    30/01/2014

    I have put several messages here looking for advice but they are either ignored or given an automated response. It kind of makes me think that you only care about certain victims and the rest of us (particularly those of us who have been abused by women) are just pushed to the side like we are in real life. Discouraging.

    Erik - 30/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Erik,

      I'm really sorry that you feel like that. I can assure you that this is not an automated response. We are happy to support both men and women who are or have experienced violence or abuse.

      If you would like to talk about the abuse that you have experienced we would recommend calling the Men's Advice Line, which is the national Helpline for male victims. This may the same response that you have had from other posts, as our aim is to signpost victims to the most appropriate service for you. In turn the Men's Advice Line will be able to tell you what support is available for you in your local area and also talk to you about keeping yourself self as well as looking at any other issues that may have been cause by the abuse.

      You can contact the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327. They also have some really helpful information on their website, www.mensadviceline.org.uk.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 31/01/2014

  • lauren

    30/01/2014

    I've been with my partner for over 3 years now. He was nice at first and told me everything about his drug past. September 2011 he ended up with a head injury and has been left deaf and takes seizures this was when he started to be violent. At the start it was just name calling and pushing. It wasn't until august 2013 he started hitting me. He started shouting at me and throwing stuff about the house. He got a tape measure and threw it at me leaving me a big bruise on my leg and its been on going from then. Every morning I wake up wondering how he is going to be today sometimes I feel like I don't want to wake up in the mornings. He has controlled me the last 2 years threatening me etc. If I do something wrong then I get punished for it. I do want to leave him cause the way he has treated me but I love him and he needs me cause of his head injury. I just don't know what to do sometimes I just want to end it myself cause I feel like I have noone to talk to. I don't know what to do.

    lauren - 30/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lauren,
      It sounds like things have been really difficult. I am sorry to hear about your partner's injury. Sometimes head injuries can affect how people behave (although there is no excuse for abuse). Is he seeing any health professionals? It sounds like that would be a good idea.

      I am concerned about you saying that sometimes you don't want to wake up or end it? If you are thinking about suicide I want you to talk to someone. You do not have to deal with any of this alone and it sounds like you need some support.
      A brilliant organisation is papyrus - you can contact them in lots of ways if you are thinking about suicide and they will be able to listen and to help you.

      http://www.papyrus-uk.org/
      0800 068 41 41
      email: pat@papyrus-uk.org
      SMS: 07786 209697

      In terms of leaving the relationship, does anyone else know what has been happening? If you do decide to leave him it is important to do so safely. Here is some advice about that:: http://refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/help-for-women/keeping-safe/

      You can also ring the national helpline on 0800 2000 247

      We also have a live chat every mon-fri from 5-7pm if you want to talk to us more.

      There is a lot of support out here for you (and for your boyfriend) so do not feel you are on your own with this,
      I hope this helps
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 30/01/2014

  • alice

    29/01/2014

    Hi a few months ago I went to a festival with my friends. I met this guy there on the first night and I gave him my number as he was really sweet and it felt good to have someone interested in me. He sent me cute messages and then he wanted to meet up the next day, so we did. It all happened rather quickly....one minute I had said hello and the next I was lying in his tent after we had just had sex. I felt terrible, but as I had consented I knew it was just my fault. However, the next few days he kept pushing me to do it again and I didn't want to. He found me on the campsite about 3 days after it happened, and by this time I was exhausted and upset and just wanted to go home. He asked if I wanted to go to his tent and I said no, I want to stay with my friends, at which point he took my hand and practically marched me to his tent. I was too tired to resist. When we were in, I didn't know what to do, so I just stood there. He then told me to lie down, forcefully and I started to mumble a response and then he said it again. I wanted to cry. We then had sex again...i didn't consent but I didn't try to stop him. Everyday I go back to those moments and I want to cry or punch something. I can't talk to anyone about it and I dont know whether it was abuse or not. I feel like he violated me that night, but I feel like it was my fault? since then I don't care what people do to me, I just accept it and move on. Please could U help me? I don't want to feel like this anymore.

    alice - 29/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Alice

      I am really sorry to hear about what happened to you. What he did was rape and it was definitely not your fault.
      I am not surprised that his has upset you so much as trauma like this can take a long time to recover from and it is common to keep thinking about it.

      I am wondering if he is still harassing you or if you have not seen him since the festival?

      The good news is there are a lot of people who can help you, so you do not have to cope with this alone. I know you say that you can't talk to anyone, sometimes it can be hard to talk to people close to us, but it will help to talk and a great organisation is rape crisis - http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
      0808 802 9999, they are lovely and can support you and give you some advice. There may also be a local support group near you.

      We also have a live chat service every mon-fri from 5-7pm if you want to talk to us more. You could also talk to your doctor about getting some counselling.
      Whatever you decide, it is your choice and I want to reassure you again that none of this is your fault.

      I hope that this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 30/01/2014

  • Emily

    29/01/2014

    Hello i'm 15 years old my boyfriends 16 so i been with my boyfriend for six months 2weeks now and we are still together at first we use to go out have are fun if we was home watch movies and cuddle and sleep together. We both was a virgin till on new years day he came over i was home alone we had some drinks well mostly i did he was fine i guess? It felt like he took advantage of me being drunk so we slept together first time i regret it so much. In my religion losing you virginity is important so know i fill like i have to stay with the person that took it. So know when he ask for it i just give it i fill like if i dont ill lose him i'm scared i cant lose him. He does love me he says he wants to marry me he thus care about me however are relation for the past month its just been about sex... What do i do cause it hurts me at point i dont want to live i fill ashamed with what i done i cant even tell my family. I fill like a dirty slut.

    Emily - 29/01/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Emily,

      I can hear how upset you are about the situation that you have found yourself in. What happened is not your fault and you are not dirty or a slut. You sound very frightened and you deserve some support. You haven’t done anything wrong and you have been really brave to post here to get some help.

      Your boyfriend got you drunk and he stayed sober. This means that you were not free to consent to sex, as your judgment was impaired. Now you feel like you can not say no when he asks for sex, even when it is making you feel so sad and ashamed that you are wanting to not live. That’s really serious and really hard for you. I understand you have beliefs about sex but the way that you are feeling now is really difficult and you need someone to talk to about this. Just because you had sex with someone once that does not mean you have to do it every time they want.

      You did not consent to sex freely the first time and you are not consenting freely now, as you feel that you will lose your boyfriend. Have you spoken to him about how you feel? It is making you very unhappy and you need to make sure that you are not doing things that make you feel bad. If you look at the link below there is some information on consent you might want to look at.

      http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/consentandconsequences/123-sex-consent-.html

      Having sex when you do not want to can have a lasting effect on a person and it sounds like this is really taking it’s toll on you. If your boyfriend knows that you do not want to have sex but pressurises you anyway then this is rape and is a very serious crime. If you were too drunk to consent freely to sex when you lost your virginity this too can be considered rape.

      I understand that you feel like you can’t talk about this with your family, you may want to talk to someone else in your life that you trust, such as a teacher. If you can’t talk to anyone you know you can call Rape Crisis, they are an organisation who specialise in working with women and girls who have suffered sexual violence and trauma. They can talk with you in a confidential and non-judgemental setting. You can reach them on 0808 802 (12 –2.30 & 7 – 9.30 everyday)

      You are not on your own with this and you are not dirty or a slut. You need someone to give you a bit of support so you can decide freely what you want to do next and how best you can look after yourself. You have been really strong to reach out here.

      You can also come to our live chat if you want to which we run every Mon- Fri from 5-7pm to talk more.

      Take care,
      Becca


      This is Abuse team 30/01/2014

  • Anonymous

    29/01/2014

    (Sorry, I'm uncomfortable posting my name) It's been almost 2 years since my parents got married and everything has gone downhill since then. All my Dad does is shout abuse towards my Mum while all I can do is sit back and watch or I'll get a slap.

    My brother and sister don't help much either. My brother always finds a way to make me feel bad about myself and my sister just shuts me out; like I don't even exist.

    My parents don't pay ANY attention to me and they even said (I wasn't supposed to be listening) that I'm the least important child. Mum always takes care of my older Sister, buys her lots of things, babies her all day. Dad always pays attention to my little brother and will do ANYTHING for him. And then...There's me. I'm just there. Even my parents have failed to notice my insomnia, anxiety and social anxiety.
    I always feel bad because of my parents. The other day I was having a panic attack and they didn't even glance at me. Because of them, I can't trust anyone, I can't sleep, I can't eat and I hate life all together. I feel like this is abuse.

    Anonymous - 29/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Anonymous,

      Thank you for your message. I can hear just how hard this is for you at the moment. You are in a situation where you are feeling very powerless and that your fears and mental health are being overlooked. It takes a lot of strength to reach out for support, which is what you have done today. You don’t have to cope with this alone.

      You mention a lot of things in your message and all of them are worrying. Your father is being abusive to your mother and is being physically abusive to you. This is not ok and is abuse. Have you been able to discuss this with anyone in your life, friends, family or a teacher? Watching abusive behaviour and being subjected to abuse is very stressful and will have negative impacts on a person. You don’t have to cope on your own with this. You can always call the domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247 to talk about what is happening in your family.

      You say in your message that you have insomnia, anxiety and social anxiety and you are having panic attacks. That’s all very serious and no wonder you are feeling so bad. Have you been to your GP? It sounds like you may need to talk to someone about your health, as you are not getting the care you need from your parents, this will be something you will have to arrange for yourself.

      Witnessing abuse is traumatic and you don’t have the support of your siblings. You can also call childline to talk about how you are feeling on 0800 1111. It sounds like you really need someone to be with you at this time so you feel less alone and isolated. What is happening is not your fault and you deserve some support.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 30/01/2014

  • Becca

    29/01/2014

    My father used to be so sweet. He used to care about me and my feelings but now all he does is shout at me and my Mum. At first I thought I could trust my mum but now, so she isn't screamed abuse by my Dad, she blames me for every fault in our life.
    My brother is horrible to me as is my sister, sh recently said to me:
    "This is all your fault, if you weren't here everything would be better!"
    In high school, I'm having trouble trusting people and it's only my 2 friends that are keeping me steady.

    Becca - 29/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Becca,

      Thank you for your message. I can hear that you are having a very stressful time at home and that there is a lot of anger and negativity in your household. That’s really horrible for you. You are also dealing with your father being verbally abusive to your mother and yourself. It’s good you have reached out for some support, as all that is a lot to deal with alone.

      Have you been able to talk about what is happening at home with anyone else in your life, other then your friends? Maybe a teacher or another relative. The more support you have the easier it will be for you to decide how you are going to cope with this.

      If you think you father is being abusive to your mother and yourself you may want to call the national helpline to talk about it. You can reach them on 0808 2000 247. You could also call childline to talk about how you are feeling, 0800 1111

      While it’s good you have your friends it sounds like you might need a bit more support to help you feel like you can trust people, as that’s not how things at home are making you feel at the moment.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 30/01/2014

  • vicky

    29/01/2014

    Hi, I have been with my bf for 4 years. I think i am in an abuse relationship because he always try to turn every think on me as if its my fault like he has been stealing stuff and he lost his job and promise me it would stop and then goes and does it again and i find the stuff, he goes and turns it on me saying if i was a loving gf and gave him love instead of being a bitch, he won't need to steal this stuff. In the past he has hit me once when he was drunk and said it was my fault for showing him up and i deserved it. He always say i am negative and puts me down. Am i in an abuse relationship??

    vicky - 29/01/2014

    Reply
    • Hi

      It does sounds like he is being emotionally and physically abusive. It is in no way your fault if he is breaking the law and stealing things. The only person responsible for that is him.

      Does anyone else know what has been happening? You can ring the helpline on 0800 2000 247 and of course can call the police if you are scared or want to report anything else. You can also anonymously contact crimestoppers.

      I think you need to think about whether you want to stay in this relationship as it sounds very unhealthy. If you do decide to leave, it is important to get advice to do this safely: http://refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/help-for-women/keeping-safe/

      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 30/01/2014

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