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This is ABUSE

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Results: 1 - 15 of 2103

  • Anon.

    27/09/2014

    My ex threatened to leave if I didn't do a number of things. He wanted nude pictures and videos. I sent him the pictures because I was scared to lose him. But I couldn't send the video. He got really made and started sharing the pictures with everyone. He told me by the times he's finished I'll be famous and he's going to post it everywhere.

    I'm really scared he'll do it and I have no idea what to do.

    Please can you give me some advice

    Anon. - 27/09/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your message. It sounds like you're going through a really tough time and posting must have taken a lot of courage.

      Being pressured to send explicit pictures is abusive and is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position. It's also illegal to send indecent pictures of a person under 18 on to someone else.

      Please understand that what happened was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, don’t blame yourself.

      Please try and find someone you trust to talk to about what you're going through. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you; they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      Please do contact one of the services detailed above, they will be able to help you.

      We hope this helps.

      Take care
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 30/09/2014

  • tammy

    26/09/2014

    I'm in an abusive relationship (mental, emotional,physical, verbal), we been together for 5 years. I have lost all strength. I a
    M no longer the same, I want to leave but his in my head so much that I believe I cant, if he leaves me I dunno how bt he makes it that I beg for him back, he refers to my past relationship all the time, ( I wasn't happy in that relationship either) this is my 2nd relationship, he calls me everything and anything, I cant do anything to prove to him I don't want my past or that I done nothing wrong in our relationship. He hits me, uses emotional abuse against me. My mood depends on his, so most days in angry,sad,fed up. I feel like I'm turning into bad person CUs I wish bad things upon him, I don't mean to but when it gets to me so much I do. He threatens my family(to me) I have lost ALL my friends over the years, the only one that knows is my brother but we don't talk about it I have just started sending him pics of my bruises w
    When it does happen. I just feel soooo alone and hopeless sometimes depressed. I'm scared and constantly emotional I jump at every sound I hear.
    I just want to be able to talk to someone who won't judge me, just know I'm not alone, any replies I would be so grateful.

    tammy - 26/09/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Tammy

      Thanks for your message, we are so sorry to hear about what you're going through.

      Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Staying in a relationship where you are being emotionally or physically abused could cause you to lose your self-esteem and confidence. An abusive, violent or controlling relationship is not normal or acceptable; nobody needs to tolerate this behaviour and if the bullying is making you worried you need to speak to a trusted adult.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      It can be very hard to leave an abusive relationship - no matter what kind. It’s also very important to leave the relationship safely. We would urge to think about completing a safety plan like this: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/47-keeping-safe-in-an-unhealthy-relationship.html

      We hope that this helps, and that you're able to get the support you deserve.

      Take care
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 30/09/2014

  • Lara

    22/09/2014

    Hi i am 22years old . I just met this guy through a friend so we went to his house to have a cup of coffeee he tries to sexually abuse me. I got bruises everywhere.i feel so down and hate life and i feel no desire for anything

    Lara - 22/09/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lara

      Thanks for posting, we are so sorry to hear what you've been through.

      If you’re being forced or pressured to have sex, or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with, that is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position. Please understand that what happened was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, don’t blame yourself.

      If you are unsure, examples of sexual abuse or assault can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, being pressured to send naked pictures of yourself, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.

      If this has happened to you, we would always encourage you to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      As you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. They offer counselling and support for women who have experienced any form of sexual violence, not just rape.

      Also remember that if you have been sexually assaulted you can speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      We hope this helps, and that you're able to get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 30/09/2014

  • Anonymous

    18/09/2014

    I was in a relationship for eight years and he made me feel worthless by the things he said to me and tried to control who I spent time with. He made me do things sexually which I really didn't want to do, I felt totally humiliated. He also had sex with me when I was asleep and when I complained he said he couldn't help it. Have I been abused?

    Anonymous - 18/09/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks posting, we are so sorry to hear of this distressing incident from your past.

      Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of emotional abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex, or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with, is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position. Please understand that what happened was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, don’t blame yourself.

      No matter how long ago it happened please try and find someone you trust to talk to - a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you; they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      We hope this helps, and you're able to get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 23/09/2014

  • elizabeth

    13/09/2014

    I think that i am in an abusive relationship but i can't be sure. My partner who i have been seeing for only five months wants to see me every single night. If i say i want a night to myself he will say that i am selfish and other things like that. He says that it is "ok" to do my own things as long as he comes over afterwards every night and spends the night with me. He doesnt "get" that i need the odd night to myself. He has started saying things like "i will have to trade you in for a younger model". These are just a few examples.

    elizabeth - 13/09/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Elizabeth

      Thanks for posting, we're really sorry to hear of your worries.

      It’s important to be aware of what abuse looks like. The Spot the Signs page includes behaviours that may mean you’re in an abusive relationship: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse

      Signs of emotional abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      If you are experiencing this, we would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope this helps.

      Take care
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 23/09/2014

  • Anonymous

    09/09/2014

    Hi i am 16 years old and i recently met this guy online and we started talking but he was not a stranger he is mates with my bestfriend's boyfriend and his school is not far from mine like about 5 mins away but the thing is my
    other best mate who i have know for 5 years now says that she went out with him and he says that is not true and i don't know who to believe? i know that i should believe my best mate but she has lied to me couple of times.
    the other thing is he has been really controlling he asks me all the time what am doing or who am with and calls me like 5 times a day is this normal or what?
    we have also talked about sex a few times and i feel pressured by him, he always asks me to come to his house cos he has a "free yard" but am really scared of what might happen and always come up with a lie or an excuse not to go. hwta should i do?

    Anonymous - 09/09/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for posting.

      We’re sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do. If you’re feeling pressured to have sex, or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with, that is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope this helps.

      Take care
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 11/09/2014

  • Anonymous

    07/09/2014

    Hi, last year i finally had the courage to end it with my boyfriend of 7 years and at first i was fine as i finally felt free. I blocked his number and moved away but have had to come back home and i am struggling to cope. I cant sleep on a night as everything keeps coming back and sometimes i question myself "did it actually happen?". I feel as though i have no one to talk to, to try and help many of my friends are also his and i dont want to talk to my family about it as i know how they will react and it will just make things worse. All i want to do is be able to get on with my life.

    Anonymous - 07/09/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your message. We are so very sorry to hear about this distressing incident from your past. We think it is really important that even though this may have happened some time ago, you should still try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth.

      No matter how long ago it happened please try and find someone you trust to talk to - a relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      You can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) or log-on to Women's Aid's Survivors' Message board: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=0001000100080021§ionTitle=Survivors+Forum

      We hope this helps, and that you're able to find the support you deserve.

      Take care
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 08/09/2014

  • Tori

    05/09/2014

    Hi,

    When I was 14 (now 25) I was on holiday with my family and had sex with a guy who was 18. I was a virgin at the time hadn't even kissed a guy. I kept telling him to stop and that I didn't want to but he had sex with me anyway. I don't know if it was rape because I only pushed him away a bit because I was scared although I said no about 10 times.
    Recently I was at a friends house and he got drunk and tried to force his hand up my skirt. I said no and started trying to pull away but he kept trying. He said I was a tease and I wanted it because I was wearing a skirt.
    I know this is unrealistic and not true and I left at this point and was sick outside. But now I can't stop thinking it was my fault and I led him on. I feel really dirty :(

    Tori - 05/09/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Tori

      Thanks for your post. We are so sorry to hear what you've been through.

      What’s happened to you is horrific and we are truly sorry to hear how you have suffered. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a serious crime and it should be reported. It’s important to understand that what happened was not your fault; there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      We would urge you to find someone you trust to talk to - a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, it’s really important to speak up about what happened. You have the right to be safe, and help and support is out there.

      You can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline in confidence to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. They offer counselling and support for women who have experienced any form of sexual violence.

      You can also speak to the police about the assault. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help – if you’re unsure you might find it helpful to talk to an expert who can tell you more about the process and what to expect before you make the call to the police. You can find details of suitable organisations on the Need Help page here - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help.

      If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, please call the police on 999.

      We hope that this helps, and that you're able to get the support you deserve.

      Take care
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 08/09/2014

  • Chloe

    30/08/2014

    Hi, this is taking a lot of courage. My ex boyfriend, he made me do things i didn't want to do. And I when I finally ended it, he told everyone it was my fault, even my family. He said I let him, I'll admit sometimes I did because i was scared of what he would do. He got angry so easily. He was pressuring and insulting.

    It's not been easy to be in a relationship since, however I found one boy who i love with all my heart. Considering I'm 15 and it's been a year since it happened, I'm doing well. I can trust him with anything and he's always supportive of what happened, and will never push me to do anything.

    It's still so hard to cope though, every day I think of those months of suffering and crying. How can you move on from something like that?

    Chloe - 30/08/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Chloe

      Thanks for posting, we are really sorry to hear about what you have been going through. Posting must have taken a lot of courage.

      We are so very sorry to hear about this distressing incident from your past. We think it is really important that even though this may have happened some time ago, you should still try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a serious crime and it should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      It does not matter if you are in a relationship with someone or if they are a stranger. When someone makes you do something you do not want to do, it means you are not consenting and it is rape. It also does not matter if you start out by saying yes and then change your mind, or if you feel like you have 'given in'. It is also never OK to make someone feel bad if they don't want to have sex as this is a form of emotional abuse.

      No matter how long ago it happened please try and find someone you trust to talk to - a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you; they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      We hope this helps, and that you're able to get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care,
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 01/09/2014

  • Anonymous

    28/08/2014

    About 4 months ago I was raped by a guy I thought I knew to be a friend. We had been close a couple of years ago and so I trusted him but when I went to meet him one morning for a catch up he forced me to have sex with him. This was despite the fact I had said no and then asked him to stop multiple times and tried to push him off me several time as well. I spoke to my school therapist (I'm 16 - year 11 going into year 12 now) on that day and she obviously tried to convince me to talk to the police. She took me to the doctors for an examination as I was bleeding quite a bit that day and I got tested for sexually transmitted infections as he didn't use protection. The next week consisted of a lot of talks with the therapist and having her ask police officers questions about what I could do. I didn't go to the police and I know people won't understand why. If you had told me this would happen and I wouldn't go to the police I would have called you crazy but I didn't go to them. I still haven't. I haven't told my parents either. I am writing this now because I thought I had got over it but recently I can't seem to shake the thoughts I get about him, about that day and about what happened to me. I feel disgusting, and I don't feel like I can talk to anyone and have them understand. They don't get it, they never reply in the right way and I just get angry. I feel angry or depressed 90% of the time and everyone just says 'what's wrong with you?' Or 'calm down' and I just want someone to talk to that understands and will just listen and hold me whilst I cry. I feel so pathetic writing this because reading some of these comments my problems are nothing and I don't even know if this is the right place to write this, I just want to find someone that understands or has been through something similar so I know that I'm not alone. I just want to get over it and move on but it's so hard.

    Anonymous - 28/08/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for posting, it must have taken a lot of courage.

      What’s happened to you is horrific and we are truly sorry to hear how you have suffered. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a serious crime and it should be reported. It’s important to understand that what happened was not your fault; there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      We would urge you to find someone you trust to talk to - a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, it’s really important to speak up about what happened. You have the right to be safe, and help and support is out there.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 in confidence to talk; nothing is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      You can also speak to the police about the assault. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help – if you’re unsure you might find it helpful to talk to an expert who can tell you more about the process and what to expect before you make the call to the police. You can find details of suitable organisations on the Need Help page here - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help.

      If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, please call the police on 999.

      We hope this helps, and that you're able to get the help you deserve.

      Take care,
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 29/08/2014

  • Anonymous

    26/08/2014

    When I was 16 (I am now 20) and in school I started dating my boyfriend who had also been my best friend for 5 years previously. One night he started 'touching me' sexually and I didn't want to and told him this but he carried on and i let him because i thought he loved me and I didn't want to upset him. I went home and cried the next day and was sick. He then went on to dump me 3 days later and started being verbally abusive, spreading rumors about how I'd cheated on him, calling me names, telling me he hated me etc and made out like to everybody like I was being a crazy ex girlfriend when I asked "why are you being like this" and told everyone it was because I was still in love with him. Although it was a long time ago I still have nightmares about it all. I never told anybody what had happened because till this day I'm still actually not sure if what happened counts as 'abuse' and if so is saying sexual abuse a bit to far as I didn't make him stop I just let it happen. I feel pathetic for still thinking about it after so long and it makes me feel worse that he probably doesn't even understand the damage all this has caused me but I don't know how to deal with it anymore after such a long time.

    Anonymous - 26/08/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your post, we're so sorry to hear about this distressing incident from your past. We think it is really important that even though this may have happened some time ago, you should still try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with, that is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position. Please understand that what happened was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, don’t blame yourself.

      Examples of sexual abuse or assault can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, being pressured to send naked pictures of yourself, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.

      No matter how long ago it happened please try and find someone you trust to talk to - a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      You can also call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. They offer counselling and support for women who have experienced any form of sexual violence, not just rape.

      Also remember that if you have been sexually assaulted you can speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      We hope this helps, and that you're able to get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care,
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 29/08/2014

  • Lana

    25/08/2014

    Hi I'm lana and I'm 20. I've been dating my bf for two years now and he has anger problems. I asked him if he could go to a psychiatrist to control his anger and he thought I was insulting him but I was only trying to help and make our relationship better. Then recently when others recommended anger management he started going and I thought he was getting better. We've had sex a lot and it's normal in our relationship but I wasn't feeling good one day so I didn't want to but he called me ungrateful and he said that he's been putting up with the management for me and then he slapped me. I didn't say anything because I felt I deserved it because e we usually do have sex. After he slapped me he made me guilty so I let him have his way with me but I don't feel lie this relationship is healthy but he says he loves me so how can I leave him? I feel conflicted but I don't want to hurt him and I feel like it wasn't rape because I let him

    Lana - 25/08/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lana

      Thanks for posting, we're really sorry to hear about what you're going through.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a serious crime and it should be reported. It’s important to understand that what happened was not your fault; there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      It does not matter if you are in a relationship with someone or if they are a stranger. When someone makes you do something you do not want to do, it means you are not consenting and it is rape. It also does not matter if you start out by saying yes and then change your mind, or if you feel like you have 'given in'. It is also never OK to make someone feel bad if they don't want to have sex as this is a form of emotional abuse.

      We would urge you to find someone you trust to talk to - a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, it’s really important to speak up about what happened. You have the right to be safe, and help and support is out there.

      As you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline in confidence to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      You can also speak to the police about the assault. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help – if you’re unsure you might find it helpful to talk to an expert who can tell you more about the process and what to expect before you make the call to the police. You can find details of suitable organisations on the Need Help page here - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help.
      If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, please call the police on 999.

      It can be very hard to leave an abusive relationship - no matter what kind. It’s also very important to leave the relationship safely. There are many reasons why people don't feel they can leave. Fear is a huge one, also uncertainty about what to do/who can help. A big factor in not leaving can simply be love. Love is such a powerful emotion it can overrule anything else. As you are still with this person, we would urge you to think about completing a safety plan like this: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/47-keeping-safe-in-an-unhealthy-relationship.html

      We hope this helps.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 29/08/2014

  • Anonymous

    21/08/2014

    I've been in a relationship for almost 5 years and recently I've been very unhappy. My baby is almost 2 and ever since she was born my partner constantly calls me stupid, idiot, fat ugly, ect. I mean getting called fat for eating one packet of crisps usually ends up an argument then I'm the idiot. He is a bully but how do I make it stop.

    Anonymous - 21/08/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for posting, we're really sorry to hear what you're going through.

      We’re so sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope this helps, and that you're able to get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care,
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 22/08/2014

  • nicole

    19/08/2014

    I have been in a relationship for nearly 4 years now. I am 19 years old, my partner is 21 and our son is 11 months old. My partner is abusive, he hits me, tell me what to do and puts me down. He has threatened to kill himself before and even says he is that angry he is going to kill someone, I am scared he's going to kill me but I am too scared to leave, too scared to speak to anyone, I don't know what to do and I just feel like giving up

    nicole - 19/08/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Nicole

      Thanks for posting, it sounds like you are going through a really tough time.

      We're so sorry to hear that you are suffering abuse in your relationship. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth.

      It’s very important to try and find someone you trust to talk to about what’s been happening in your relationship. It could be a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there, you’re not on your own.

      You can also you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge), and hear from a survivor of domestic violence here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a8fsrPEaYQ&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=3&feature=plcp

      It can be very hard to leave an abusive relationship - no matter what kind. It’s also very important to leave the relationship safely. There are many reasons why people don't feel they can leave. Fear is a huge one, also uncertainty about what to do/who can help. Some people may not realise that they are being abused and not even be looking for help. A big factor in not leaving can simply be love. Love is such a powerful emotion it can overrule anything else. If you are still with this person or in contact with them, we would urge you to think about completing a safety plan like this: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/47-keeping-safe-in-an-unhealthy-relationship.html

      If you are ever feeling particularly distressed it is very important to talk about this too. The Samaritans can help; take a look at their website at http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ or email jo@samaritans.co.uk. You can also call the Samaritans helpline on 08457 909090.

      We hope you are able to get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care,
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 21/08/2014

  • Claire

    13/08/2014

    So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now, and we haven't been super close until about 5 months ago. He started asking for me to take pictures for him. I was okay with it, because at first, he just wanted a normal picture of me smiling. Then, he started asking for nude pictures... I was kinda scared to, but I love him so much and I couldn't tell him no, and so I sent some to him. He now asks for pictures every other day, and even though I tell him I don't want to sometimes, he keeps asking and making me pity him... I love him so much so I continue to send things, even though I don't like to and he knows so... I don't know if this is considered abuse... He knows how I feel, but he seems to just try to ignore it...

    Claire - 13/08/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Claire

      Thanks for your message.

      If you are being pressured to take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with, that is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position. This includes being pressured to send naked pictures of yourself or sexting. Please understand that what happened was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, don’t blame yourself.

      If this has happened to you, we would always encourage you to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you; they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. They offer counselling and support for women who have experienced any form of sexual abuse, not just rape.

      We hope that this helps.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 18/08/2014

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