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This is ABUSE

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Results: 1 - 15 of 2110

  • Georgia

    29/10/2014

    I was 14 and I was in a relationship with this boy for 2 yrs.Everything was fine at first,then he became controlling and abusive.he started off pulling my hair or pinching me,but then 6 months in, it got to the point where I was petrified of him,he threw me down the stairs,punched me,told me I was fat and never let me go out with friends.He used to take my lunch away because he wanted me to lose weight,I never told anyone until family noticed bruises. They made me cut all contact with him,it's been a year now since I left him and he's still in my head,everybody thinks I'm ok and over it but I can't sleep,I have flashbacks of it and I have no self confidence in myself,I can't eat big meals in front of anybody as I don't want to be judged on my weight,I'm still struggling with my life because of him and it's horrible.

    Georgia - 29/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Georgia

      We’re sorry to hear you’ve suffered emotional and physical abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of emotional type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do. Signs of physical abuse can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone who you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope that this helps

      Take care
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 29/10/2014

  • Abbie

    29/10/2014

    I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and I can't say it's been the best year of my life. I do love him and he means a lot to me but I hate him at the same time, he checks my phone every day and doesn't let me go on social networking sites or speak to my friends or see them, I attend college and all he does is accuse me of all sorts. I mean he accuses me of flirting with girls and boys and even his sister. I can honestly say I haven't done that at all because I know he would just start an argument. When we have an argument over text he always says if he gives me another chance then I do as he says I always accept that because I don't know what life would be like with out him. When we have a serious argument over the phone he always resorts to speaking to his ex's and other girls, but if we argue in person he shout really loudly and raises his hand to me. Once before he has pinned me down on the floor and shouted right in my face so I ran upstairs and cries for hours and he just stood in the room giving me grief. He makes me do things I don't want to do and he knows full well I don't want too but he just doesn't take my feelings into consideration. When the relationship is good it's alright he's always making me laugh and smile, I just don't know what to do anymore I love him but I don't want to feel unhappy and useless and worthless anymore. I know this isn't anything serious and there are more serious things going on else where I just needed a bit of help, thanks x

    Abbie - 29/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Abbie

      Thanks for posting. We’re really sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them.

      Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope this helps

      Take care
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 29/10/2014

  • anonymous

    26/10/2014

    me and my partner been together nearly 3 years, I am now almost 19 and hes 19 and we have a little girl aged 15 months, ever since after the birth of our daughter the abuse started, he has punched, thrown me against a wall, doors, slapped and the list could go on, I really want to leave him but I have no place to go to, as we live together. just don't know where to turn for help.

    anonymous - 26/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for posting. We're really sorry to hear you have been suffering physical abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal and it can seriously damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of physical abuse can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour.

      It’s very important to try and find someone you trust to talk to about what’s been happening in your relationship. It could be a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there, you’re not on your own.

      As you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      You can also hear from a survivor of domestic violence here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a8fsrPEaYQ&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=3&feature=plcp

      We hope this helps

      Take care
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 29/10/2014

  • Siovonne

    13/10/2014

    Nearly 4 years ago, i was 13 and i was in a relationship with a guy who was 16. I thought that this was okay. But he started talking about sex all the time, and it was really frustrating, I didn't know what to do, I told him a million times I didn't want to do it, I wasn't ready, and he just wouldn't listen, and he kept talking about it. He then forced me into doing to so. And I haven't said anything about this to anyone, I've kept this a secret for the past 4 years. He raped me. And to this day, he still doesn't even know he did so. He even posted a status last year saying, and I quote, 'Any man who has raped someone should have their penis cut off as well as their fingers. Sick bastards..' And to this day, it still gets to me, and I get flash backs and it's horrible, I was 13.

    Siovonne Siovonne - 13/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for posting. We’re really sorry to hear about this distressing incident from your past. We think it is really important that even though this may have happened some time ago, you should still try to speak to someone about this if you can.
      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a serious crime and it should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      No matter how long ago it happened please try and find someone you trust to talk to - a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you; they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted.

      We hope that this helps.

      Take care,
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team - 13/10/2014

  • Chelsey

    11/10/2014

    I don't no if it is abuse but every time we have an argument he always calls me a slag tramp and that IM worthless and threatens to hit me but hr hasn't he occasionally throws things at me but punches walls and doors and I always end up crying but when I do stand up to him he pulls my hair not really hard and he says he is gunna leave me but I dunno what to do should I leave him

    Chelsey - 11/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for posting on the website. We’re sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them.
      Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope this helps

      Take care
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 13/10/2014

  • Chloe

    28/09/2014

    I've been with my boyfriend nearly 2 years. He's lovely ad says he wants a life with me and make mehappy most of the time. He's suffered with depression for a while and often uses it to his advantage even though he got discharged and off his meds. He is incredibly controlling he has to put me on my bus so he knows I'm going home, controls who I see and he has to be there, I can obliging to pubs not clubs, he goes through my texts and says his finger slipped, I can't go to a guys house, I can't put kisses to anyone in messages, including him, he hates them... I have to be by his side most of the time. If I do t reply to him he'll ring me to see where am. He wants for me after work to put me on my bus. He's stolen all my fried, they choose him over me. He has a go at me for saying certain things like 'okay 'oh'. 'Yeah'. 'I don't mind'. We've been on a break before over this and he said he'd change so may times bus hasn't. He's ruined two of my birthdays by saying if I good out he'll smoke weed and self harm. What should I do to fox this??

    Chloe - 28/09/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Chloe

      Thanks for posting. We’re sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope that this helps.

      Take care,
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 10/10/2014

  • Anon.

    27/09/2014

    My ex threatened to leave if I didn't do a number of things. He wanted nude pictures and videos. I sent him the pictures because I was scared to lose him. But I couldn't send the video. He got really made and started sharing the pictures with everyone. He told me by the times he's finished I'll be famous and he's going to post it everywhere.

    I'm really scared he'll do it and I have no idea what to do.

    Please can you give me some advice

    Anon. - 27/09/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your message. It sounds like you're going through a really tough time and posting must have taken a lot of courage.

      Being pressured to send explicit pictures is abusive and is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position. It's also illegal to send indecent pictures of a person under 18 on to someone else.

      Please understand that what happened was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, don’t blame yourself.

      Please try and find someone you trust to talk to about what you're going through. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you; they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      Please do contact one of the services detailed above, they will be able to help you.

      We hope this helps.

      Take care
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 30/09/2014

  • Narmeen

    26/09/2014

    I have just come out of a emotional abuse and blackmail filled relationship. He would call me nasty things and never trusted me and therefore didn't let me do anything. He would tell me not to talk to people and not to go out with my friends. He didn't let me do what I wanted to and then started threatening to smash my face in. Although this if the case and im out of the relationship I really want to go back to him I feel so lonely and miss him. I know its messed up but I don't know what to do. J need help.

    Narmeen - 26/09/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Narmeen

      Thanks for your message - it sounds like you are going through a really tough time.

      We’re sorry to hear you have suffered emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      It can be very hard to leave an abusive relationship - no matter what kind. A big factor can simply be love. Love is such a powerful emotion it can overrule anything else. Please remember that staying in a relationship where you are being emotionally abused could cause you to lose your self-esteem and confidence. An abusive, violent or controlling relationship is not normal or acceptable; nobody needs to tolerate this behaviour.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope this helps, and that you're able to get the support you deserve.

      Take care
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 10/10/2014

  • tammy

    26/09/2014

    I'm in an abusive relationship (mental, emotional,physical, verbal), we been together for 5 years. I have lost all strength. I a
    M no longer the same, I want to leave but his in my head so much that I believe I cant, if he leaves me I dunno how bt he makes it that I beg for him back, he refers to my past relationship all the time, ( I wasn't happy in that relationship either) this is my 2nd relationship, he calls me everything and anything, I cant do anything to prove to him I don't want my past or that I done nothing wrong in our relationship. He hits me, uses emotional abuse against me. My mood depends on his, so most days in angry,sad,fed up. I feel like I'm turning into bad person CUs I wish bad things upon him, I don't mean to but when it gets to me so much I do. He threatens my family(to me) I have lost ALL my friends over the years, the only one that knows is my brother but we don't talk about it I have just started sending him pics of my bruises w
    When it does happen. I just feel soooo alone and hopeless sometimes depressed. I'm scared and constantly emotional I jump at every sound I hear.
    I just want to be able to talk to someone who won't judge me, just know I'm not alone, any replies I would be so grateful.

    tammy - 26/09/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Tammy

      Thanks for your message, we are so sorry to hear about what you're going through.

      Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Staying in a relationship where you are being emotionally or physically abused could cause you to lose your self-esteem and confidence. An abusive, violent or controlling relationship is not normal or acceptable; nobody needs to tolerate this behaviour and if the bullying is making you worried you need to speak to a trusted adult.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      It can be very hard to leave an abusive relationship - no matter what kind. It’s also very important to leave the relationship safely. We would urge to think about completing a safety plan like this: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/47-keeping-safe-in-an-unhealthy-relationship.html

      We hope that this helps, and that you're able to get the support you deserve.

      Take care
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 30/09/2014

  • Lara

    22/09/2014

    Hi i am 22years old . I just met this guy through a friend so we went to his house to have a cup of coffeee he tries to sexually abuse me. I got bruises everywhere.i feel so down and hate life and i feel no desire for anything

    Lara - 22/09/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lara

      Thanks for posting, we are so sorry to hear what you've been through.

      If you’re being forced or pressured to have sex, or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with, that is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position. Please understand that what happened was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, don’t blame yourself.

      If you are unsure, examples of sexual abuse or assault can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, being pressured to send naked pictures of yourself, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.

      If this has happened to you, we would always encourage you to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      As you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. They offer counselling and support for women who have experienced any form of sexual violence, not just rape.

      Also remember that if you have been sexually assaulted you can speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      We hope this helps, and that you're able to get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 30/09/2014

  • Anonymous

    18/09/2014

    I was in a relationship for eight years and he made me feel worthless by the things he said to me and tried to control who I spent time with. He made me do things sexually which I really didn't want to do, I felt totally humiliated. He also had sex with me when I was asleep and when I complained he said he couldn't help it. Have I been abused?

    Anonymous - 18/09/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks posting, we are so sorry to hear of this distressing incident from your past.

      Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of emotional abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex, or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with, is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position. Please understand that what happened was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, don’t blame yourself.

      No matter how long ago it happened please try and find someone you trust to talk to - a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you; they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      We hope this helps, and you're able to get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 23/09/2014

  • elizabeth

    13/09/2014

    I think that i am in an abusive relationship but i can't be sure. My partner who i have been seeing for only five months wants to see me every single night. If i say i want a night to myself he will say that i am selfish and other things like that. He says that it is "ok" to do my own things as long as he comes over afterwards every night and spends the night with me. He doesnt "get" that i need the odd night to myself. He has started saying things like "i will have to trade you in for a younger model". These are just a few examples.

    elizabeth - 13/09/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Elizabeth

      Thanks for posting, we're really sorry to hear of your worries.

      It’s important to be aware of what abuse looks like. The Spot the Signs page includes behaviours that may mean you’re in an abusive relationship: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse

      Signs of emotional abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      If you are experiencing this, we would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope this helps.

      Take care
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 23/09/2014

  • Anonymous

    09/09/2014

    Hi i am 16 years old and i recently met this guy online and we started talking but he was not a stranger he is mates with my bestfriend's boyfriend and his school is not far from mine like about 5 mins away but the thing is my
    other best mate who i have know for 5 years now says that she went out with him and he says that is not true and i don't know who to believe? i know that i should believe my best mate but she has lied to me couple of times.
    the other thing is he has been really controlling he asks me all the time what am doing or who am with and calls me like 5 times a day is this normal or what?
    we have also talked about sex a few times and i feel pressured by him, he always asks me to come to his house cos he has a "free yard" but am really scared of what might happen and always come up with a lie or an excuse not to go. hwta should i do?

    Anonymous - 09/09/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for posting.

      We’re sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do. If you’re feeling pressured to have sex, or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with, that is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope this helps.

      Take care
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 11/09/2014

  • Anonymous

    07/09/2014

    Hi, last year i finally had the courage to end it with my boyfriend of 7 years and at first i was fine as i finally felt free. I blocked his number and moved away but have had to come back home and i am struggling to cope. I cant sleep on a night as everything keeps coming back and sometimes i question myself "did it actually happen?". I feel as though i have no one to talk to, to try and help many of my friends are also his and i dont want to talk to my family about it as i know how they will react and it will just make things worse. All i want to do is be able to get on with my life.

    Anonymous - 07/09/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your message. We are so very sorry to hear about this distressing incident from your past. We think it is really important that even though this may have happened some time ago, you should still try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth.

      No matter how long ago it happened please try and find someone you trust to talk to - a relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      You can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) or log-on to Women's Aid's Survivors' Message board: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=0001000100080021§ionTitle=Survivors+Forum

      We hope this helps, and that you're able to find the support you deserve.

      Take care
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 08/09/2014

  • Tori

    05/09/2014

    Hi,

    When I was 14 (now 25) I was on holiday with my family and had sex with a guy who was 18. I was a virgin at the time hadn't even kissed a guy. I kept telling him to stop and that I didn't want to but he had sex with me anyway. I don't know if it was rape because I only pushed him away a bit because I was scared although I said no about 10 times.
    Recently I was at a friends house and he got drunk and tried to force his hand up my skirt. I said no and started trying to pull away but he kept trying. He said I was a tease and I wanted it because I was wearing a skirt.
    I know this is unrealistic and not true and I left at this point and was sick outside. But now I can't stop thinking it was my fault and I led him on. I feel really dirty :(

    Tori - 05/09/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Tori

      Thanks for your post. We are so sorry to hear what you've been through.

      What’s happened to you is horrific and we are truly sorry to hear how you have suffered. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a serious crime and it should be reported. It’s important to understand that what happened was not your fault; there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      We would urge you to find someone you trust to talk to - a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, it’s really important to speak up about what happened. You have the right to be safe, and help and support is out there.

      You can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline in confidence to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. They offer counselling and support for women who have experienced any form of sexual violence.

      You can also speak to the police about the assault. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help – if you’re unsure you might find it helpful to talk to an expert who can tell you more about the process and what to expect before you make the call to the police. You can find details of suitable organisations on the Need Help page here - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help.

      If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, please call the police on 999.

      We hope that this helps, and that you're able to get the support you deserve.

      Take care
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 08/09/2014

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