This website works best using cookies, which are currently enabled. To find out more about cookies and for information on how to turn them off, click here.
This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

HAVE YOUR SAY

Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships

If you've got something you'd like to talk about regarding any kind of relationship abuse, come and Have Your Say on our message board.

Have a read through the discussion boards, the chances are you'll be able to talk with someone who's gone through similar experiences to your own.

Seen the ads? What do you think?

TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS

If you've got something to say about abuse in relationships then you'll need to accept our terms before you can take part - please see our rules on the right side of the page. You can then enter your comments below or under any video you want to talk about.

  • This is so we can email you to let you know if there's been any replies to your message. Your email address will never be shown or passed on to anyone.
  • I wish to opt out of notification emails

Pages 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 > >>

Results: 1 - 15 of 2094

  • Anonymous

    28/08/2014

    About 4 months ago I was raped by a guy I thought I knew to be a friend. We had been close a couple of years ago and so I trusted him but when I went to meet him one morning for a catch up he forced me to have sex with him. This was despite the fact I had said no and then asked him to stop multiple times and tried to push him off me several time as well. I spoke to my school therapist (I'm 16 - year 11 going into year 12 now) on that day and she obviously tried to convince me to talk to the police. She took me to the doctors for an examination as I was bleeding quite a bit that day and I got tested for sexually transmitted infections as he didn't use protection. The next week consisted of a lot of talks with the therapist and having her ask police officers questions about what I could do. I didn't go to the police and I know people won't understand why. If you had told me this would happen and I wouldn't go to the police I would have called you crazy but I didn't go to them. I still haven't. I haven't told my parents either. I am writing this now because I thought I had got over it but recently I can't seem to shake the thoughts I get about him, about that day and about what happened to me. I feel disgusting, and I don't feel like I can talk to anyone and have them understand. They don't get it, they never reply in the right way and I just get angry. I feel angry or depressed 90% of the time and everyone just says 'what's wrong with you?' Or 'calm down' and I just want someone to talk to that understands and will just listen and hold me whilst I cry. I feel so pathetic writing this because reading some of these comments my problems are nothing and I don't even know if this is the right place to write this, I just want to find someone that understands or has been through something similar so I know that I'm not alone. I just want to get over it and move on but it's so hard.

    Anonymous - 28/08/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for posting, it must have taken a lot of courage.

      What’s happened to you is horrific and we are truly sorry to hear how you have suffered. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a serious crime and it should be reported. It’s important to understand that what happened was not your fault; there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      We would urge you to find someone you trust to talk to - a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, it’s really important to speak up about what happened. You have the right to be safe, and help and support is out there.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 in confidence to talk; nothing is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      You can also speak to the police about the assault. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help – if you’re unsure you might find it helpful to talk to an expert who can tell you more about the process and what to expect before you make the call to the police. You can find details of suitable organisations on the Need Help page here - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help.

      If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, please call the police on 999.

      We hope this helps, and that you're able to get the help you deserve.

      Take care,
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 29/08/2014

  • Anonymous

    26/08/2014

    When I was 16 (I am now 20) and in school I started dating my boyfriend who had also been my best friend for 5 years previously. One night he started 'touching me' sexually and I didn't want to and told him this but he carried on and i let him because i thought he loved me and I didn't want to upset him. I went home and cried the next day and was sick. He then went on to dump me 3 days later and started being verbally abusive, spreading rumors about how I'd cheated on him, calling me names, telling me he hated me etc and made out like to everybody like I was being a crazy ex girlfriend when I asked "why are you being like this" and told everyone it was because I was still in love with him. Although it was a long time ago I still have nightmares about it all. I never told anybody what had happened because till this day I'm still actually not sure if what happened counts as 'abuse' and if so is saying sexual abuse a bit to far as I didn't make him stop I just let it happen. I feel pathetic for still thinking about it after so long and it makes me feel worse that he probably doesn't even understand the damage all this has caused me but I don't know how to deal with it anymore after such a long time.

    Anonymous - 26/08/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your post, we're so sorry to hear about this distressing incident from your past. We think it is really important that even though this may have happened some time ago, you should still try to speak to someone about this if you can.

      Being forced or pressured to take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with, that is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position. Please understand that what happened was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, don’t blame yourself.

      Examples of sexual abuse or assault can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, being pressured to send naked pictures of yourself, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.

      No matter how long ago it happened please try and find someone you trust to talk to - a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      You can also call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. They offer counselling and support for women who have experienced any form of sexual violence, not just rape.

      Also remember that if you have been sexually assaulted you can speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      We hope this helps, and that you're able to get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care,
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 29/08/2014

  • Lana

    25/08/2014

    Hi I'm lana and I'm 20. I've been dating my bf for two years now and he has anger problems. I asked him if he could go to a psychiatrist to control his anger and he thought I was insulting him but I was only trying to help and make our relationship better. Then recently when others recommended anger management he started going and I thought he was getting better. We've had sex a lot and it's normal in our relationship but I wasn't feeling good one day so I didn't want to but he called me ungrateful and he said that he's been putting up with the management for me and then he slapped me. I didn't say anything because I felt I deserved it because e we usually do have sex. After he slapped me he made me guilty so I let him have his way with me but I don't feel lie this relationship is healthy but he says he loves me so how can I leave him? I feel conflicted but I don't want to hurt him and I feel like it wasn't rape because I let him

    Lana - 25/08/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lana

      Thanks for posting, we're really sorry to hear about what you're going through.

      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a serious crime and it should be reported. It’s important to understand that what happened was not your fault; there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      It does not matter if you are in a relationship with someone or if they are a stranger. When someone makes you do something you do not want to do, it means you are not consenting and it is rape. It also does not matter if you start out by saying yes and then change your mind, or if you feel like you have 'given in'. It is also never OK to make someone feel bad if they don't want to have sex as this is a form of emotional abuse.

      We would urge you to find someone you trust to talk to - a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, it’s really important to speak up about what happened. You have the right to be safe, and help and support is out there.

      As you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline in confidence to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.

      You can also speak to the police about the assault. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help – if you’re unsure you might find it helpful to talk to an expert who can tell you more about the process and what to expect before you make the call to the police. You can find details of suitable organisations on the Need Help page here - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help.
      If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, please call the police on 999.

      It can be very hard to leave an abusive relationship - no matter what kind. It’s also very important to leave the relationship safely. There are many reasons why people don't feel they can leave. Fear is a huge one, also uncertainty about what to do/who can help. A big factor in not leaving can simply be love. Love is such a powerful emotion it can overrule anything else. As you are still with this person, we would urge you to think about completing a safety plan like this: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/47-keeping-safe-in-an-unhealthy-relationship.html

      We hope this helps.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 29/08/2014

  • Anonymous

    21/08/2014

    I've been in a relationship for almost 5 years and recently I've been very unhappy. My baby is almost 2 and ever since she was born my partner constantly calls me stupid, idiot, fat ugly, ect. I mean getting called fat for eating one packet of crisps usually ends up an argument then I'm the idiot. He is a bully but how do I make it stop.

    Anonymous - 21/08/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for posting, we're really sorry to hear what you're going through.

      We’re so sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      You can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope this helps, and that you're able to get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care,
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 22/08/2014

  • nicole

    19/08/2014

    I have been in a relationship for nearly 4 years now. I am 19 years old, my partner is 21 and our son is 11 months old. My partner is abusive, he hits me, tell me what to do and puts me down. He has threatened to kill himself before and even says he is that angry he is going to kill someone, I am scared he's going to kill me but I am too scared to leave, too scared to speak to anyone, I don't know what to do and I just feel like giving up

    nicole - 19/08/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Nicole

      Thanks for posting, it sounds like you are going through a really tough time.

      We're so sorry to hear that you are suffering abuse in your relationship. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth.

      It’s very important to try and find someone you trust to talk to about what’s been happening in your relationship. It could be a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there, you’re not on your own.

      You can also you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge), and hear from a survivor of domestic violence here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a8fsrPEaYQ&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=3&feature=plcp

      It can be very hard to leave an abusive relationship - no matter what kind. It’s also very important to leave the relationship safely. There are many reasons why people don't feel they can leave. Fear is a huge one, also uncertainty about what to do/who can help. Some people may not realise that they are being abused and not even be looking for help. A big factor in not leaving can simply be love. Love is such a powerful emotion it can overrule anything else. If you are still with this person or in contact with them, we would urge you to think about completing a safety plan like this: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/47-keeping-safe-in-an-unhealthy-relationship.html

      If you are ever feeling particularly distressed it is very important to talk about this too. The Samaritans can help; take a look at their website at http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ or email jo@samaritans.co.uk. You can also call the Samaritans helpline on 08457 909090.

      We hope you are able to get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care,
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 21/08/2014

  • Claire

    13/08/2014

    So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now, and we haven't been super close until about 5 months ago. He started asking for me to take pictures for him. I was okay with it, because at first, he just wanted a normal picture of me smiling. Then, he started asking for nude pictures... I was kinda scared to, but I love him so much and I couldn't tell him no, and so I sent some to him. He now asks for pictures every other day, and even though I tell him I don't want to sometimes, he keeps asking and making me pity him... I love him so much so I continue to send things, even though I don't like to and he knows so... I don't know if this is considered abuse... He knows how I feel, but he seems to just try to ignore it...

    Claire - 13/08/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Claire

      Thanks for your message.

      If you are being pressured to take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with, that is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position. This includes being pressured to send naked pictures of yourself or sexting. Please understand that what happened was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, don’t blame yourself.

      If this has happened to you, we would always encourage you to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you; they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. They offer counselling and support for women who have experienced any form of sexual abuse, not just rape.

      We hope that this helps.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 18/08/2014

  • Laura

    29/07/2014

    I don't no what to do, the man I am ment to be marrying next month is so controlling, he won't let me even go to the shop, have any friends, he swears at me all the time, he made me lose all my confidence he calls me fat and every name you can think of. Am also 3 month pregnant he hits me, and because he does it in my face and head he thinks it's ok because he won't damage the baby. He has control of my bank cards and I live with his family, my family don't speak to me no more because of him, am really stood and all alone.

    Laura - 29/07/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Laura

      Thank you for your post on the This is Abuse website.

      We're so sorry to hear that you are suffering emotional and physical abuse in your relationship. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of emotional abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do. Physical abuse can include things such as slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. It could be a relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you
      feel comfortable talking to.This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can
      contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      You can also hear from a survivor of domestic violence here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a8fsrPEaYQ&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=3&feature=plcp

      We hope this helps, and that you're able to get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care
      The This Is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 12/08/2014

  • poppy

    29/07/2014

    i'm not sure if what my girlfriend does is emotional abuse or if she's just a mean person? She often says things or brings things up to humiliate me in front of our friends, especially when it's people she knows and i've just met, sometimes she tweets humiliating things about me. she expects me to do whatever she wants straight away and gets angry if i can't do it, e.g. if she wants to go out or she wants me to go round to her house and i can't make it she'll get angry, and keep questioning me about why i can't go. she expects my entire life to revolve around what she wants to do, e.g. she recently decided she was coming to leeds festival with me (i had already arranged to go with my other friends way back in february) but when she decided she was going she expected me to ditch all the people i was camping with and camp with her and her friends, and when i said i didn't want to she started saying she "couldn't believe i would do that to her" and telling me she should "never have taken me back" (we broke up and got back together a few months ago), and carried on until i apologised and agreed to do everything she wanted. she sometimes threatens me but only vaguely, saying things like "i can do things to you", "i can ruin things for you", etc, and this makes me scared to stand up to her because i'm not sure what she'll do to me. She often criticises me, calling me forgetful, lazy, clumsy, etc, and all the while she never stops putting herself on a pedestal, talking to me about how "hot", "perfect" and "better than everyone else" she is. If i ever try and discuss a problem i have with something she's doing she'll immediately make the entire situation about her, tell me to "stop playing the victim" and point out all the things i do wrong, she always reflects the blame onto me, so i've stopped trying to get her to see how she's making me feel. Recently it's started to really get me down and completely ruin my self confidence and i don't know what to do.

    poppy - 29/07/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Poppy

      Thanks for your post and we're sorry to hear what you've been going through.

      Most people aren’t in abusive relationships, but as you can see from the stories, it can happen, so it’s important to be aware of what abuse looks like. The Spot the Signs page includes behaviours that may mean you’re in an abusive relationship: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope this helps, take care,
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 11/08/2014

  • Shannon

    18/07/2014

    I'm 16 my boyfriends 18 and I've been with him 2years ,am really scared on what to do because everyone says he treats me horrible but I love him to much and I don't no weather this is abuse but he had my fb password and I'm not allowed his ,he can go out but I carnt. He uses my email and everything so everything gose to him first so I've had to use a different email erm he has a tracker on my phone to check were I am and he can go out with girls and do what he likes but if a lad as a friend speaks to me and I reply back as a friend he makes me out to be alll kinds of dirty things , he'll argue with me and leave me when he wants and he knows I'll run after him i do everything for you but he makes me feel worthless he tells me what clothes to wear when me and him go out and he'll tell me weather I look after than my age and if I don't he'll comment like get changed ,if he upsets me and I cry he'll call me names like freak and everything or he'll threaten to tell my mum aload of lies about me if I don't send him pictures or dose as he says and I don't no what to do anymore :(

    Shannon - 18/07/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Shannon

      Thanks for your post. We're really sorry to hear what you're going through.

      Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of emotional abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      Staying in a relationship where you are being emotionally abused could cause you to lose your self-esteem and confidence. An abusive, violent or controlling relationship is not normal or acceptable; nobody needs to tolerate this behaviour and if the bullying is making you worried you need to speak to a trusted adult.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope that this helps and that you're able to get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 01/08/2014

  • Ella

    17/07/2014

    I realise this isn't necessarily the right place to post this, but I don't know where else I can ask. I went to a party and got drunk. I know that's not okay. I'm not going to do it again. I just didn't realise how much I'd had.
    Anyway, I had a couple of friends staying over afterwards, and a boy that I often speak to at parties didn't have anywhere to stay so I said he could come over. I had sex with him and I really regret it. I was completely drunk and I said I didn't want to do it but I was laughing and not really doing anything about it. I completely went with it so it's not exactly his fault. I wish I'd been stronger at saying no but I wasn't at all thinking straight.
    Does it sound like abuse/rape? I don't know where I stand with it.

    Ella - 17/07/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Ella

      Thanks for your post.

      Rape is when a man forces his penis into the mouth, anus or vagina of another person when that person doesn't want him to do so; the law calls this 'without consent'. Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a crime and it should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      It does not matter if you know the person or if they are a stranger. When someone makes you do something you do not want to do, it means you are not consenting and it is rape. It also does not matter if you start out by saying yes and then change your mind, or if you feel like you have 'given in'.

      If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information. You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

      You can find out more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult

      We hope that this helps, and that you're able to get the support you need and deserve.

      Take care,
      The This Is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team 01/08/2014

  • sammy

    17/07/2014

    Can anyone help me.... been split up with my ex for months now but he's still obsessive. If I don't reply he constantly calls me, he won't me move on. He scares me and in 2 occasions he's laid he's hands on me. I've told him so many times in a nice way it's over and he needs to move on he calls me ungrateful that I'm the c word etc he calls me so many names and while we was together we swapped pics but if I upset him he threatenes to put them on Fb and to send them to my family I'm 19 I dunno what to do I'm so scared now and I don't wanna cope with it anymore. He's got problems with anger and he takes pills becsuse he gets depressed any help please

    sammy - 17/07/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your message and we’re sorry to hear you’ve been going through a tough time and suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      It’s very important to try and find someone you trust to talk to about what’s been happening in your relationship. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there, you’re not on your own.

      As you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) who can provide help and advice.

      We hope this helps

      Best wishes
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 18/07/2014

  • Natalie

    14/07/2014

    I started seeing my boyfriend about 2012 and it started off great but then a month later a girl had kissed him and he had moved away and when he told me i was very forgiving and had accepted that it was the girls fault and that he had moved away although i was still very angry. a couple months into our relationship he started changing and becoming very annoyed at me talking to my male friends and eventually i gave in and stopped talking to boys via social networks by mid march 2013. Eventually things go worse i hid a few times that i had spoken to boys and when he found out he got very angry and started saying things like he will kiss another girl and hook up with them shouting at me and watching me cry as i begged him not too. This continued for many months and through our last stages of high school he lost his mates as he was always with me although i have been told that it was not my fault he lost his friends and my other peers say it was because of the way he treated me people disliked him but when he's angry he blames me and till this day i still believe it is my fault why he has no friends. In the summer of 2013 he told me to stop talking to one of my best friends as he didn't like her. he also stopped me from going out with my friends i had no social life and no boys on my phone and if i was caught or my friend was mentioning a boy on my phone he would get angry at me i was mentally scared. When sixth form started things began to get worse arguments about boys speaking to me in class became a issue and i was told to tell boys not to talk to me i had even had to stop talking to by boy best friend who now hates me. As he had no friends in school i was constantly with him during my lunch and all breaks and free periods and if i had a free lesson while he was in lesson i was told to sit in the library and not allowed to enter the common room. Through out the whole of year 12 i have not had much hang out time with my friends and i have always been with me. He has also been physically aggressive with me hitting me with his crutches on time to pinches and hard pushing till i fell on the floor. School had noticed our strange relationship and called my mum in i told them part of the truth but i cannot let go of him because i feel guilty he has no one and i still care of him, although i am tired of this life i have to live sometimes i wish i could just drop dead and everything would go away. I lost one of my closest friends and there is nothing i can do about it he tells me its for the best because she was a "bitch". i really want my old life back and things just seem to get worse day by day and now he says i don't love him or show that i care when i feel i do. i don't know what to do can someone help me?

    Natalie - 14/07/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Natalie

      Thanks for your message, it sounds like you’ve been going through a really tough time. We’re sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there. It’s also really important to try and find someone you trust to talk to if you’re feeling depressed or suicidal - there are people who understand, and who can help you deal with the problems you are going through.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      The Samaritans can also help; take a look at their website at http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ or email jo@samaritans.co.uk. You can also call the Samaritans helpline on 08457 909090.

      We hope this helps
      Best wishes
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 18/07/2014

  • .

    14/07/2014

    Is there a 1-1 chat option???

    . . - 14/07/2014

    Reply
    • Hi
      Sorry however the 121 chat function is currently not available.

      This may be made available later in the year, so please keep checking the site.

      Thanks
      This is Abuse

      This Is Abuse team 22/07/2014

  • Abby

    13/07/2014

    hi, i'm 15 and i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 months. at first we were very cuddly and had no problems with kissing and hugging/ snuggling etc. but a few weeks ago e were kissing and he pulled me on top of him. i didn't really have a problem with it. in fact i liked that he wanted to be a little bit more physical. we kissed for a while and then he tried to touch my breasts. i pushed him away from embarrassment and he asked me if i wanted him to stop. i said i felt OK and we continued. then he tried again. he stopped and told me i sounded a little scared and asked me if i wanted him to stop, i felt uncomfortable so i said yes. when he left that night i felt embarrassed . not of what i had done but just of my body. i am quite a self conscious person.
    the next day he came over again, we were cuddling on the sofa and kissing and in the moment, he tried again. this time i let him. i didn't really mind. since then, our relationship has grown more intimate. he knows i don't want to have sex and he knows what i am comfortable with and what i am not.
    yesterday, we were cuddling, watching a film and nobody was around. we were kissing and getting a little closer and then he started rubbing my upper leg. this made me a little uneasy but i let him continue. then he started rubbing my crotch (over the top of my clothes) it startled me and i tried pushing his arm away gently as i really like him and didn't want him to feel like he was doing something extremely wrong. as he did it he continued to kiss me ( not wanting to be rude i kissed back) we both got carried away. i didn't know what to do. i was flustered and scared and embarrassed. i was pushing his arm and shoulder to try and get him to stop but he didn't. he began touching me harder and then he stopped. at no point did he go underneath my clothes but he did try but i shoved his arm away and then felt a little bad. i was relieved that he had stopped yet i still felt very uncomfortable and embarrassed. he said "are you OK?" i was laying on the sofa with my hands over my face and i mumbled "yes". i saw the look on his face. he looked a little worried. he said "did you want me to stop? i feel really awkward now " i told him that i was pushing him away to get him to stop and he began crying. he said he was so sorry and that he didn't mean to push me further than i wanted to go. ever since he did that i have been feeling really rubbish about myself. i don't know how to talk to him about how he made me feel. i like him and don't want to end our relationship. was this abuse or was it my fault for not being more rough and pushing him off me? i just felt scared and frozen in the moment. i didn't know what to do. please help.

    Abby - 13/07/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your message, and we’re sorry to hear about how you’ve been feeling.

      It is a common myth that “everyone is doing it”, but the average age for having sex for the first time is 16. Many people wait until they’re older. You always have the right to withhold consent and don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. If he cares for you he will understand why you want to wait.

      As you are under 16 it’s against the law for you to have sex. If you want to speak to somebody in confidence you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope this helps

      Best wishes
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 18/07/2014

  • gugi

    13/07/2014

    He loves me n I love him too. Every time we get stuck on a point he says I misbehave. He does not let me talk to him in a bad mood. And then he shouts at me. Calls me names. Wishes that I be dead. Regrets the moment he started this relationship. Disrespects my family. But I love him so much that I forgive him. He never asks fr forgiveness n when I say I have forgiven him, he gets more angry. I don't wanna lose him. I promise him 5 years ago that I will never leave him becauseof his bad temper. I m keeping my promise.

    gugi - 13/07/2014

    Reply
    • Hi There

      Thank you for your message. It sounds like you’ve been going through a tough time.

      We’re sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope this helps
      Best wishes
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 18/07/2014

Pages 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 > >>

Results: 1 - 15 of 2094

Terms and conditions of use

Please read and accept these rules below before commenting. All of the comments you post on this website are treated confidentially and moderated.

Stay safe – don't include any personal information in your comments, such as your surname, email address, street address and phone number.

Don't include the personal details of anyone else in your posts (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers or group leaders).

Don't go off topic - keep your comments relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate. People want their opinions to be heard – don't shout them down.

Don't post crude, racist, offensive, violent or vulgar messages to the site.

Treat everyone with respect – even if someone has a different view to your own, don't let it get personal.

Don't glamorise illegal or dangerous activities, including violence of any kind. It's ok to talk about your experiences but you shouldn't encourage others to do anything illegal or dangerous.

Don't write anything that's untrue about anyone else (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers, group leaders and famous people). Don't write anything that could harm anyone else's reputation.

This isn't a dating site – it's a platform to talk about teenage relationship abuse and your opinions on the matter; don't use it to meet or flirt with other people.

Don't write everything in CAPS – it's the equivalent of shouting and isn't polite or easy for everyone to read.

Don't post entire messages in text speak – it's ok to shorten some words but not everyone understands text speak or finds it easy to read.

It's ok to post links to other websites as long as they're relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate and don't break the house rules in any way.

Don't break copyright rules. This means that you shouldn't post text you didn't write.