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Results: 1 - 15 of 2243

  • Jamie-lee

    14/03/2015

    I recently broke up with my boyfriend who my family says was abusive. It wasn't until we broke up and I spoke to people about it that I realised something was wrong. I am 24 years old and this was my first relationship as I have Aspergers syndrome or ASD so I struggle with social situations and communication anyway. A big trait of my aspergers is my sensory hypersensitivity, mainly of touch. I tried really hard to overcome this and deal with it even though the smallest of touch generally hurts.
    He started to get really pushy and would try and force me into intercourse, which was incredibly painful as he would never prepare us. He was very rough and impatient, but when I said I didn't want to he would say sometimes you need to force a person to show them there is nothing to be scared of. But I started getting more scared, which made it more painful, I think that frustrated him and that's why he was so impatient. He would demand things and say that instead of intercourse I would just have to pleasure him a different way because it was my fault he was aroused, he would force me to pleasure him, is this considered abusive? Afterwards he would apologize for being a jerk and brush it off.
    But because of this I have developed a fear on top of the touch hypersensitivity that makes me repulsed or I'll even at basic human contact. I have gotten even more nervous around males because I know the damage they can inflict, which I know is irrational but its not something I can control. When we argued he would try to force me to accept his point of view, grabbing my shoulders, shaking me or pinning me down or to something until I agreed with him. I thought all this was normal, because he insisted it was like that in all relationships and I had no previous experience due to difficulties with my Aspergers syndrome. But now I don't know what to do because it has impacted me negatively a lot more than I have told my family, as they don't know the extent of what happened. Even seeing a happy couple kissing is enough to make me anxious and panicked. Was what happened abuse? And what kind? Also how do I stop myself being so scared around males because I know this is extremely offensive to them. He has recently got in touch asking me to start another relationship because he's trying to change, but I don't know what to do.

    Jamie-lee - 14/03/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Jamie-Lee,

      Thanks for sharing your experiences. I'm glad the relationship has ended, it sounds like it was very abusive.

      Firstly, no one should force you to do anything sexually that you do not want to do. It is not your fault that your partner is aroused, that is completely out of your control. It is his fault for acting on these urges and for forcing you to do things you didn't want to do then he was breaking the law and would be considered a sexual assault.

      I'm really glad you've talked to others about what has been happening. Would you consider talking to a professional around what has happened? You local domestic violence service may have counselling that sounds like it would really benefit you. You could find them on google or by calling 0808 2000 247.

      Nobody has the right to make you do something like this, and I really hope you access some support.

      Take care,
      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 25/03/2015

  • Sarah

    14/03/2015

    Hi, I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 2 years and have been separated for nearly a year now.
    He has came back into my life professing that he's changed, has been on a perpetrator course, cut his drinking down and is seeking counselling.
    So I decided to test the waters and not enter back in the relationship but just see how things go but the more emotionally attached we are becoming to one another old habits are creeping in. He was very manipulative and left me an emotional wreck to which I decided to attend domestic abuse programs( to educate and become aware of what abuse actually is). I've also realised I have codependent behaviours which I am currently working on.
    So here's my dilemma.....it started when I'd had too much to drink and I shouted at him for all the hurt he'd caused to which he didn't retaliate he remained calm, the next morning he said he didn't like me getting in them states. After a little thinking I agreed that I wouldn't want treat like that so I would cut my drinking down so I wouldn't put either of us in that predicament again.
    I thought that was the end of that but he was working away I went out with friends the following week me knowing I was just having a few. When I told him I was going out he went in a huff and said I worry about when you go out in case anything happens to you or if you get too drunk and someone takes advantage.
    The next incident was when he said I wasn't contacting him enough, that it's obviously a chore to get in touch, he always makes sure he's available for me. He speaks to me on a morning, ,lunch time and evening and wants messages in between. To be quite honest that's a lot to me.
    I would just like any opinions weather you think these are unreasonable expectations ?

    Sarah - 14/03/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Sarah,

      It sounds like it has been a really tough time for you. I think it's really important to remember that your relationship has previously been abusive, and no matter how much support you access there will still be some doubt in your mind that it may happen again.

      I'm really glad that you have accessed help and support, but there is nothing stopping you going back to the service and asking for some more at this time.

      Because I don't know very much about your relationship it is hard to make a judgement, but you know it and have lived in it. You may need to follow your gut instinct. If something is telling you that it is not right, or that you are still not happy then you may need to act on that instinct.

      You have been really strong previously and made decisions at to what you wanted to happen next. If you are still not happy in this relationship then you may need to make another decision.

      I hope this helps. If you would like to talk more we run a live chat session on Tuesday and Wednesday from 6pm-7pm. Or you can call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,
      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 25/03/2015

  • Charlotte

    13/03/2015

    Hi,
    I was in a abusive relationship in 2010 and I only managed to get out of it in 2014, I was made to feel like it was normal, like it was my fault? I suffered in silence I didn't tell anyone I would cover my bruises with make up or anything I could find if someone asked I'd say I fell off the bed or walked into something the usual rubbish explanations. I wasn't allowed to see my friends, if I met anybody he would tell me I had a set amount of time to get back to the house before he would hurt himself, as soon as I would get back I would get abused.. Punched, slapped, he'd pull my hair and bite me or maybe throw me down the stairs if I disagreed with him, I didn't think I would survive his blows, him putting cushions over my face so I couldn't breath or just stranegling me. I've never spoke to anyone about this really, some people say I shouldn't have stayed for that long but he made me think that nobody else would want me he would constantly say I'm fat or ugly, slag, whore and every other name under the sun. I can't begin to start with what I went through with him, I'd come close to taking an overdose or other ways to get out of the depression and hurt. But I finally escaped him it took a while, but now I still can't trust anybody, I flinch when someone touches ME.. He still lives around the corner and honestly it scares me because not long ago he pulled me into his car and driven me to his, where he tried to sexually abuse me. But I was strong enough this time to get away from him, I hope people see this and realise that there is a way out and it's not too late. Yes I still live in fear but I'm not being controlled by someone anymore, I'm not expecting to walk through a door and get abused anymore, I'm free.. But I'm yet to get over the mental scars I am left with.

    Charlotte - 13/03/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Charlotte,

      Thanks for sharing your experiences. It sounds like it was really scary, and is still fairly scary now.

      There are lots of options available for you, but firstly I think it's really important for you to access some support. You could access some emotional support to address what you have been through. You might want to consider some counseling. There are lots of different ways to access counselling. You could speak to your GP who could refer you to NHS counselling. Alternatively, you could contact your local domestic violence service who may have specific domestic abuse counselling support.

      I think it might also be really helpful to speak to a domestic violence support service around how you could keep safe if he is still contact you. It sounds like his behaviour is really dangerous! I would suggest you call the Police is you feel scared at any point.

      His behaviour is completely unacceptable, and you need make sure you are keeping as safe as possible.

      If you want to talk with someone you can call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247. You will also be able to find your local service on google. You should not feel ashamed or embarrassed to talk about what has happened. It is not your behaviour that is wrong, it is his.

      I hope you access some help! Take care.
      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 24/03/2015

  • Franky

    12/03/2015

    Hi I'm feeling so incredibly lonely and broken right now. My boyfriend has started to be come very aggressive in how he talks to me and he's even started to point and nudge me which I know from previous experience is where it all starts. I never thought he would treat me like this. He keeps saying to me this is my house you follow my rules and do what I say and behave. I feel so torn apart it just hurts! The other day he drove off in a strop because I said to him that I think he should drive his friend to the house (it was really late at night and in the middle of nowhere) rather than down the road. He went mad and drove like crazy and drove off without me having my seat belt on and then braked heavily that I nearly hit my head on the windscreen and my door wasn't shut properly either. I got told that I need to do what I'm told. I honestly can't believe how sad I feel right now!
    I just would really like a cuddle and to be told that everything will be ok but I don't think it will. :-(

    Franky - 12/03/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Franky,

      Thanks for coming forward and sharing your experiences. It sounds like a really unhappy and scary place to be.

      I think you have a good understanding of what is happening. You show that you understand his behaviour is abusive and that it is escalating.

      Often we see abusive people begin with emotional and verbal abuse, which progresses to physical and it seems that you are concerned that the physical is beginning.

      I understand it can really difficult to move forward from where you are, but you do not have to do this alone. If you contact your local domestic abuse service who will be able to offer you emotional support and advise you as you go through this difficult transition period. You can find them on Google, at www.womensaid.org.uk or call the National helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      You have definitely made the first steps by acknowledging what is happening. If your partner is not willing to address his behaviour then you need to put your safety and wellbeing first. You are not to blame for his behaviour. He has chosen to behave like this.

      I really hope you access some support.

      Take care,
      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 22/03/2015

  • Anonymous

    12/03/2015

    I'm an abuser

    Anonymous - 12/03/2015

    Reply
    • Hi thanks for coming forward.

      It is really difficult to acknowledge when you are using abuse against someone and the first step is admitting it to yourself.

      There are organizations that do work with men and women to change their behaviour towards partners and ex-partners, they run violence prevention programs which run for around 30 weeks looking at what abuse is, the different forms that it takes, exploring different methods to control abusive behaviour and the impact that it has on your partner and any children.

      If you want to go to the next step and access this support you can contact the Respect Helpline on 0808 802 4040. They also have a website with some great resources to read www.respectphoneline.org.uk

      I hope you access some help.

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 18/03/2015

  • Zena

    11/03/2015

    I'm so low and lost, this is my house and this person who i thought I knew hates me and my daughter, i need help getting him out the house as he has severe anger towards me and my family, his family know what he's like and don't help and make him stay with us, i need help i don't want to be around anymore, he won't leave and threatens me with he'll take our baby's away and always says it's my fault that he is mad, his own family said he's always been that way, i have no one to turn to and fear of phoning the police as his family would give us so much trouble for it. Please someone help i can't take it anymore.

    Zena - 11/03/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Zena,

      Thanks for coming forward to talk about this. It sounds like you're in a really scary situation.

      There are lots of organisations that would be able to help you. I would recommend contacting your local domestic abuse service, you can find them on google but also by contacting the national helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      If you access a domestic violence service they may be able to assist you in getting a Non-Molestation Order which is an Order from the court telling your partner that he cannot contact you directly or indirectly, through other people. They can also assist you in getting an Occupation Order which will tell your partner that he is not allowed to live at your property anymore.

      If you are not able to get these orders they will assist you in other ways to keep you as safe as possible.

      They will also be able to help you access some emotional support like counseling so that you don't feel so low and lost.

      Nobody has the right to make another person feel like this, and it is really important that you access some help.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 18/03/2015

  • Tab

    10/03/2015

    My ex boyfriend has nude pictures of me I would like him to delete them but he wouldn't he's married now and he won't leave me alone I feel liking telling his wife but I'm scared incase he does something with my pictures I even got his but I wouldn't like to do that I'm not that childish

    Tab - 10/03/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Tab,

      Thanks for getting in touch. This can be really difficult because I imagine that originally you sent him the photos. He is not doing anything wrong with them unless he is showing them to other people.

      If he does show people he might be breaking the law. Childline have some really helpful advice here http://www.childline.org.uk/explore/onlinesafety/pages/sexting.aspx. They have a section at the bottom that explains what to do if someone threatens to share your photos.

      I think telling his wife might put you in a more compromising position, but it is your decision. If he is pestering or harassing you then you can inform the police. They may may give him a harassment warning.

      It must be really difficult, so if you need to talk to someone you could call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 18/03/2015

  • Anonymous

    09/03/2015

    I'm unsure if I'm in an abusive relationship. My partner has many issues of his own and is very vulnerable and has low self esteem due to his upbringing. He puts me on this pedistole and makes me feel like the most special, loved person. But when he gets angry or feels low he puts me down by calling me a slut or ugly. It's almost like he's arguing with himself because I know he says those things because he feels like I'm too good for him. He also smokes weed which makes things worse. I'm a strong opinionated woman and I try to listen when hes upset or angry about stuff (to do with work family or friends) but if I dear to go against him or loose my temper because I'm only human and say I'm sick of him complaining he goes crazy. I think people take his kindness for weakness and he's really soft to other people (who take him for granted) but when it comes to arguing with me he becomes scary and aggressive. All his anger for other people gets taken out on me. I moved in with him a few months ago and we had an argument the other day. He told me to leave and threatened to hit me. Although he's a big guy I stood up to him because I felt like backing down would make me a victim and I had to let know I refused to be threatened and bullied. He said he would slap me if I didn't do as he asked so I emptied a wicket basket full of stuff on the floor and threw it at him. I know that makes me wrong. He then threw a aerosol deodorant can at me and it hit me in the face. My face swelled up so much we thought my jaw was broken. Now he says sorry but says actions have a reaction and because he's a guy that's why he's in the wrong. He says he didn't mean to hurt me but to throw it that hard I think he did. Or he doesn't have control. I don't know if we can get past this? If I had been calm it wouldn't of happened. Is there any salvaging our rekationship or is it just going to get worse...?

    Anonymous - 09/03/2015

    Reply
    • Hi,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like you're having a really tough time. Your partner's behaviour is completely unacceptable. He is choosing to take out his anger on you, this suggests that he has control over it. If he had no control he would take it out on the people making him angry rather than storing it up for when he gets home.

      Smoking cannabis does not justify his behaviour. A lot of people smoke cannabis and are not violent or abusive to his partner. However, if he feels this is contributing to his behaviour then he needs to stop smoking it, or at least get some help to stop smoking it.

      All of these are his choices. He has to decide to address what he is doing.

      It is never ok to use violence, and I understand that you acted out of frustration. This is often called violent resistance, but this can increase your risk of getting injured, which was highlighted by your partner's actions.

      If you had a daughter and she told you her partner was behaving this way what advice would you give her?

      It sounds like it might be best for you to take some time apart to remove yourself from a dangerous situation and see if your partner is willing to access some help.

      Have you thought about accessing help? You could access your local domestic abuse service who can support you, your experiences must have been emotionally draining and they will be able to work with you to address this. You can google them or contact the national helpline on 0808 2000 247 to find out who your nearest support service is.

      I really hope you access some help.

      Take care,
      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 18/03/2015

  • Kita

    08/03/2015

    Hi, I have just managed to leave an abusive relationship which lasted around 2 years, I was in love with the guy and excused all his abusive behaviors and i would feel sorry for him because i knew he had mental problems. I tried to be there for him all the time and nothing seemed to cut it for him. He was violent at times with me and woul make me feel so worthless. I want to be happy i want to move on, but i feel im having a very hard time moving on despite being put through so much pain. I dont know what to do

    Kita - 08/03/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Kita
      Thanks for your message.
      I am sure lots of people will relate to what you have said.
      It is really common for people who are being abused to make excuses for the abuse, as it hurts so much to think someone you love is choosing to hurt you.

      Unfortunately, having mental health issues is not an excuse for being abusive. You did nothing wrong and I am really glad you are no longer in that relationship.

      But, even if someone is abusive, it can be hard to move on and it can take a long time to cope with the realisation of what happened.

      Some people liken this time to a period of grief. You are mourning for what you hoped the relationship could be, the person you fell in love with as well as your self-esteem and confidence.But the final stage of grief is all about moving forwards and adjusting to a new world without the abuse and the person who abused you. Now is the time to build up your-self esteem and to plan your happy and safe future. It may take a while but you have already started that journey and have so much to look forward to.

      This may be a good time to reach out to friends and family for support, or to access counselling via your GP. You can also search for local domestic violence support services here:
      http://www.womensaid.org.uk/azrefuges.asp?section=00010001000800060002&itemTitle=A-Z+of+services


      This handbook may help also as it has info about what to do at this stage, after leaving the relationship:
      http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=0001000100080001

      I really hope this helps,
      take care

      This is Abuse team - 09/03/2015

  • Unknown

    06/03/2015

    I think I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship, my boyfriend calls me names every time I annoy him I think he hates me which hurts cause I love him but Im scared because he gets more and more violent his slaps are harder he pushes and pokes and pinches me harder when I say something he doesn't like he pulls my hair and gets in my face I don't know what to do I feel so lonely but when hes being nice hes such a gentlemen and so lovely and he listens to me and helps me but hes more angry than nice nowadays but I love him and I'd have no one without him I really feel lost

    Unknown - 06/03/2015

    Reply
    • Hi,

      Thanks for getting in contact. It sounds like you are having a really tough time. I'm glad you've come forward to access some help.

      Your partner grabbing you by the hair is physically abusive, but I think it is more important to think about whether you are scared of your partner. By the sounds of it, you are scared. It must be scary when he gets up in your face.

      I think it's really important that you talk with someone around what it hopping. Maybe start with the national helpline on 0808 2000 247. They may also be able to link you in with some local support.

      Have you tried talking to any of your friends or family about what has been happening? I t would be really helpful for you to use these as support. If you don't have these networks then linking in with some professional support would be really helpful for you.

      You should never feel stuck in a relationship where you feel scared of your partner. If you are living with him at the moment then these services might be able to assist you in finding somewhere to stay.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 17/03/2015

  • Mandy

    03/03/2015

    I have been in contact with my ex after 20 years. He left me for another woman. I remarried but divorced with 3 kids from 2nd husband. I always loved my 1st Husband so it was easy to tell him how I felt about him. I always kept in touch with his family. They loved me and I did them. He only texted me when he wanted. He said he would like to give a go but I had to lose weight as he was fussy. I complied easily because I felt I could re-create my married life of the past with him. He never called me by phone. Said he wasn't ready, wouldn't meet up until I was certain size. He would flirt text and mostly talk about sex. He made impulsive dates to his place but then cancel next day. He adamantly told me I was not allowed to tell his family we were texting. And it would be over if they found out. I went along with this. He said he wouldn't marry me because his two previous marriages ended -he was cheated on twice. He said I had to close my facebook acc and not allowed to work as that's how problems started in his other marriages. In January his access case for his daughter failed. His court case was adjourned for another 3 months. He texted me and said how is the Gym going? And how much weight I had lost? I told him I had been ill and that the weather was bad so I hadn't been gym for month. He was bit angry and said he knew I couldn't do it and dismissed my reasons as excuses. I told him he was cruel and rude. He then apologised next day. Few days ago I called his niece who am. Close to. I discussed our situation , she said am not having that, he is leading you on and not playing fair. His Niece called him and explained that he is doing wrong and that he should play with someone's emotions like this. The next day I received a blunt text saying it was over and that it was my fault because I told his family member about us when he strictly told me not too. I am devastated as I built up my hopes and fell n love with him. He was never interested in my life or my kids. Not even asked how my day went. Was this the beginning of an abusive controlling relationship. Will I hear from him again? He blocked me on wattsap as I kept pleading to be heard .

    Mandy - 03/03/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Mandy,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like your ex-partner has been leading you on. His behavior seems unacceptable. Hi love seems conditional, he will only love you if you behave a certain way and look a certain way. All his demands have involved you changing. It doesn't seem like a fair, balanced, healthy relationship.

      I would also be concerned that he only wants to speak to you when it suits him, it seems that he has all the control in the relationship. It sounds like he may have behaved this way in his previous relationships. Do you know why he doesn't have custody of his children?

      I think it would be helpful for you to talk through what is happening. Why don't you try giving the national helpline a call, their number is 0808 2000 247. They will be able to explore this a little bit more with you.

      Best wishes,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 17/03/2015

  • Anonymous

    01/03/2015

    i'm in a relationship with one man and two personas, one i feel is my soul mate;loving supportive kind and gentle. The other is the complete opposite, he snaps over tiny things such as me talking to my friends or family for no reason at all. When he changes he says the most personal cruel insults to me he can think of that he knows will truly hurt me. He gets physical but in a 'playful way' such as tickling me continuously and hard so it hurts, or throwing things that 'he never ment to hit me' (usually my phone) or squeezing/poking me. eventually i completely break down and cry which usually snaps him out of it. He then becomes totally ashamed, apologetic and upset. his good side is truly wonderful, but he has been so hurtful now so many times even at his best i am waiting for the bad. He threatens suicide if i want to go back to my mums house, which i have finally done, but the problem is far from resolved.

    Anonymous - 01/03/2015

    Reply
    • Hi,

      Thanks for getting in touch. Your partner's behavior isn't uncommon, something that you might want to explore is the cycle of abuse. It highlights that after times of being abusive some partners go through a 'honeymoon' phase, also known as the 'flowers and chocolates' phase where they appear very kind and loving and make up for their abusive behaviour.

      No matter how kind, generous and loving he is it does not make up for someone using violence or abuse at other points in their relationship.

      If your partner wants to address their behavior they can access a behavioral change programme through the Respect Helpline. My biggest concern is that you access some support. It would be really helpful for you to access some support through your local domestic abuse service. They would be able to help you understand your partner's behaviour and the impact it is having on you. You can find out a little bit more by contacting the national helpline on 0808 2000 247. They will be able to talk you a little bit more around what is happening for you.

      Good luck,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 17/03/2015

  • Catherine

    01/03/2015

    I know that there is a problem with my current relationship and it centres around alcohol and abusive behaviour from my boyfriend. I have only recently come to terms with the fact that I think this is emotional abuse but as I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about it I am in two minds, and making excuses for my boyfriends behaviour. We met two years ago and have been in a committed relationship for a year. When we first realised that there was mutual attraction between us, I was in a long distance relationship with someone else who did not care for me at all. So I split from him and made a partnership with my current boyfriend. When he came along he was kind, generous and gave me lots of attention ( things that I didn't have in previous relationship)
    In less than a month of us being together his eldest sister died, his youngest died nine months previous (she was an alcoholic)to this so there has been a lot of heartache for him and his family. I stuck by him and helped him with the loss of his sister the best I could, I was working abroad and had a very stressful job at the time but would answer his calls day or night to show him support and commitment to our relationship. He returned to work ( abroad also) but started drinking heavily and not turning up for work. Result being he got the sack thus becoming homeless as where he was living was accounted in his wage. He stayed with me short term but as I was also in shared accommodation my boss, who was very understanding and supportive let him stay for three weeks until he found a place of his own. A friend of mine had an apartment which she rented out to us so that he could stay in the area and so we did not have to split. He drank continuously for two months straight, sleeping all day and keeping me awake at night by trying to have sex with me and then accusing me of getting it elsewhere because I was uninterested. Resulting in me being very emotional and tired at work and constantly worrying that I would find him in a state. The apartment was to be let out in high season so after the two months, I quit my job and we went to volunteer over the summer. Things were good again at first, then the drinking snook back into the equation and then arguments would start. We took another job a few months later together and this was when he really let me down with the alcohol and the way he was treating me. He again refused to get up for work and spent all day drinking and sleeping again, waking me up at night to argue with me so that most days I would turn up for work with only having a few hours sleep. Again he got the sack and as we had no where to go we had to fly back home. Promises of going to the doctor for anti depressants and only drinking at the weekend were made so again, I stuck by him to help him through it, hoping that once better, we could move abroad again and continue travelling. Since being home things have got worse, we live 120 miles apart, we alternate weekend visits to each other and we are both currently unemployed but have been offered a job which starts in a month. There have been numerous occasions where he will not get out of bed, drinks, verbally abuses me and keeps me awake at night then expects things to be normal again next day. He has embarrassed me by not turning up to family events because he wants to stay in bed and I am at my wits end worrying about the summer we may have together if I don't end the relationship. He has spat at me, called names, mocks my appearance, insults my family, stolen alcohol from my mum which I have paid for and bought back, grabs me by the arm and my throat, slapped me and has even accused me of sleeping with my own brother in one of his drunken states! My self esteem is so low, I know I need to end this, I am at his parents house now, he kept me awake last night and is bed all day today. His mum, dad and I have all tried to get him up but he won't. I do not drink around him anymore because I thought that it was adding fuel to the fire as I thought that I might be becoming more argumentative but after last night I can honestly say, he could start an argument with himself. Please help. C

    Catherine - 01/03/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Catherine,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like there are a lot of different forms of abuse taking place in your relationship.

      Firstly, I think it is really important to highlight that nobody can make your partner change his behavior. He has to choose to do this himself. He will need professional help to address his behaviour, he will need to access help around his drinking through an alcohol service and his violence through a violence prevention programme.

      If he decides that he doesn't want to address these issues then you need to take some time to think about what you would like to happen.

      His behavior is completely unacceptable, it is never ok to use violence or abuse against another person, and his alcohol use is not to blame for this. He has not used violence against other people whilst drunk which shows that he has got some kind of control over it.

      It must be really hard for you, I can imagine you really want to leave the relationship but feel trapped because of the difficult circumstances around him. I think it would be really helpful for you to access some help. Have you thought about contacting your local domestic violence service? Nobody is going to make you leave your partner, but they will be able to work with you to stay as safe as possible.

      You can find your nearest service by contacting the national helpline on 0808 20000 247. You will also find them on google. They may also be able to be able to offer you some counseling to address your experiences.

      It sounds like this person has had a huge impact on your life and it will take some time to address this, but you've clearly come to a point where you are considering changing your situation.

      I really hope you access some help.

      Good luck,
      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 17/03/2015

  • Anon

    28/02/2015

    I went out for drinks with some people. I don't drink very much so by the end of the night, I definitely had too much to drink. We all went back to this woman's house and she decided we should play truth or dare, her dare for me was for me to kiss her. Being very drunk I did it (I'm a woman and straight), then soon after my other colleagues left, and she wanted to put a DVD I told her I needed to get home but she said I should give her a kiss then I could go, so I did, but she somehow ended up on top of me and she was pinning my hands down. I passed out a couple of times and told her to stop but she wouldn't. I don't remember a lot of it, all I know is I kept saying no, but she wouldn't stop. It's all I can think about, I feel like I am constantly shaking all the time.

    Anon - 28/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi,

      Thanks for getting in touch, it sounds like you had a very scary experience. I can see why it has left you shaken.

      Nobody has the right to force themselves on another, it sounds like she took advantage because you were under the influence and the law is very clear that it is never acceptable to attempt sexual acts on person who is too drunk to be able to give consent. It sounds like this is what was happening in your case.

      Have you tried talking to anybody about what happened? You might benefit from accessing some counseling around your experience. You could try talking to your GP to access support, alternatively you might want to contact Rape Crisis for specialist support. Their number is 0808 802 9999.

      You could also think about reporting this to the police. What this woman did was breaking the law, there would be a lot of support put in place for you if you were to go through the court process to make sure you felt safe and supported by professionals.

      None of this is your fault, you trusted the people around you not to take advantage of you and they did.

      I really hope you access some help.

      Take care,
      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 16/03/2015

  • Amy

    26/02/2015

    I'm 19 years old and for the past couple of years I have been suffering very extreme verbal abuse from my family especially my mum. She constantly tells me that I'm a horrible person and that i'm lazy and selfish. She always demands that I do jobs around the house and then yells at me about how I never help her and she always apparently does all this stuff for me. I do help her though sometimes but I can't be there doing her jobs all day like she appears to insist as I have other things that I have to do with my time. Aka finding a job so that I can get out of here. The abuse is getting worse and worse and I don't know what to do. Everyone sides with my mum. My boyfriend has even witnessed her throwing this abuse at me. I know I'm not over reacting. My brother has even sexually harasses me constantly and has attacked me before bruising my ribcage and making it difficult to breathe for weeks and she sided with him and chose to do nothing about it. I want this all to stop. I know I don't deserve this and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Abuse by the people you love is one of the most painful and depressing things ever. I am in tears right now writing this and I have just had enough. I need to get away from this place and these people it is constant and never ending. Someone please help me because I don't know what to do anymore. There must be someone that can help. I don't know how much longer I can go on living like this. PLEASE HELP ME!

    Amy - 26/02/2015

    Reply
    • Hi Amy,

      Thanks for getting in touch. It sounds like you're having a really tough time at home. I think it would be really helpful for you to talk a little bit more around what has been happening so that a professional could get a better understanding about what is happening.

      Nobody should live in fear in their own home, it is meant to be a safe place. Have you thought about presenting as homeless at your local council housing office on the grounds of domestic abuse? They may be able to assist you in moving out.

      You are welcome to talk to us on our live chat service, it runs on the website Tuesday and Wednesday at 6pm-7pm. Alternatively you could call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Your brother should not be doing anything to hurt you, and you have the right to call the police if he does.

      I really hope you get some advice as I think it's important to explore this a bit more.

      This is Abuse team - 15/03/2015

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